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To be able to read people better

Aug 16, 2015


  1. 1. To be able to read people better The signals are always there, but most people don't even realize it. You have to know what to look for and understand what certain gestures mean in order to solve the puzzle. Keep in mind, there's no single surefire way to tell what someone is thinking -- even the greatest mind-wizards in the world are only right 80% of the time. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  2. 2. Like ONIONS people have LAYERS The outermost layer is that part of our personality that we reveal to strangers the most superficial aspects of who we really are. An example of this can be seen when we talk with a stranger sitting next to us on a bus. Trivial topics like the weather, current events, sights and sounds around us are typical things we feel willing to talk about. Around our friends and some acquaintances we feel comfortable enough to peel back that outermost layer to reveal the next one. For example, if you were chatting with a coworker this time, you would probably feel more comfortable revealing more about yourself. Your attitudes towards work, certain emotions and your general thoughts about life are some of the things that might come up in conversation. The third layer is reserved for those with whom we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. In many cases, intimate relationships take time to develop, and with that time, trust is earned. Imagine now sitting on that same bus next to your spouse or significant other. The depth of what you reveal this time is much greater than any previous layer. Your goals, personal problems, and fears and so on, all fall within this layer. The fourth and innermost layer contains that part of ourselves that we dont share with anyone. It contains our deepest and sometimes darkest thoughts and secrets that we would rather not acknowledge. The fact that we are trying to come to terms with many of these things ourselves makes us not comfortable sharing them with others. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  3. 3. Masks We Wear Public Masks Public smile Clothing Putting on my face Extended territory On the road At work Can we drop masks? P bar Y Safety Consultants
  4. 4. PERCEPTIVE Being perceptive about other people's feelings and thoughts is an important skill that will help you to navigate interpersonal relationships. Though each human is different, we are all, on a core level, wired the same. Here's how to get started on recognizing even the most fleeting of subtle cues. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  5. 5. Look and the body will tell you To really be able to read someone, you have to know them well.By getting to know someone personally, you'll have a better idea of what their likes or dislikes are, what their common habits are, and what is or isn't necessarily a "tell. For example, you may have a friend who is commonly very fidgety. If so, their fidgeting may not be a sign of lying or nervousness. If you were to meet them on the street, common knowledge would deem them nervous or anxious. Nope. They just have an excited leg. Pay attention to the habits of others. Do they maintain eye contact all the time? Do their voices change when they're nervous? When they're preoccupied, how do they transmit it? This will key you in to what you should be looking for when attempting to read them. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  6. 6. Nice Barrier Posts were you born with them or purchase them The second part of preparing ourselves to read people involves removing the barriers that keep us from accurate people-reading. The two barriers are our prejudices and our projections. When people think of prejudice, mostly the racial kind comes to mind. Although a part of it, this is not entirely what Im talking about here. Anytime you make an opinion, whether it is positive or negative, without knowledge or examination of the facts, you are being prejudiced. Whenever you come up with some preconceived notion based on things such as race, color, political alignment, or even the way people dress, it taints your ability to accurately read others. Our prejudices can be based on our fears, feeling threatened, upbringing or a myriad of other things. Closely related to prejudice is projection. In the late 50s Leon Festinger coined a phrase called Cognitive Dissonance which can basically be described as the human tendency to close ones eyes and minds to things that are uncomfortable or disturbing. We tend to project our view onto a situation because it is easier to deal with. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  7. 7. Innocent question not innocent people Seemingly innocent question such as "How are you doing today?" by a salesperson may be an attempt to gauge your baseline, setting up for inquiries that are more probing When we try to determine whether someone is a good person or a potential threat, we tend to focus on superficial qualities that actually dont tell us much about the individual. We assume that people who go to work every day, have a family and a well-kept home are normaland we give them a lot of credibility,. We also assume that our bodies will warn us when were around someone dangerous. Well experience the sensations of fear and know to stay away. But as, dangerous people have a way of making us feel very comfortable. For instance, theyre friendly and courteous and make good eye contact. We also tend to admire and even get intimidated by people in certain professions and positions, which additionally hampers our judgment. We calls this icon-intimidation. We automatically give people a pass if theyre a religious figure, police officer or military person. We assign admirable qualities to them without much thought. We assume theyre intelligent, courageous, compassionate and thereby harmless. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  8. 8. Seriously When reading others, people also are clouded by their own emotional state Look for inconsistencies between the baseline and the person's gestures and words When you have a chance to ask questions be pointed, not vague Vague, open-ended questions don't work, because if the person rambles it becomes difficult to detect any deception. Instead, ask question that require a straight answer. And don't be intrusive. After asking a question, sit back and observe without interrupting. Word choice provides insight into what people really mean "I won another award" The Word Clue "another" conveys the notion that the speaker won one or more previous awards. This person wanted to ensure that other people know that he or she won at least one other award, thus bolstering his or her self-image. This person may need the adulation of others to reinforce his or her self-esteem. Observers could exploit this vulnerability by using flattery and other ego- enhancing comments. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  9. 9. Sorry FRIEND you are full of crap When a person leans with their torso away from you, this can mean that the person is going through a moment of stress Pacifying gestures such as the touch to the forehead or the rubbing of palms against thighs are indicators of stress too Facial clues of distress and discomfort include the furrowing of the brow, clenching of jaws, lip compression, or the tightening of face and neck muscles If someone closes their eyes for a moment (longer than a simple blink), takes the time to clear their throat, or asks to repeat a question, they're probably stalling. A lack of eye contact, or excessive blinking or fidgeting are signs that a person may be lying -- but these are also signs of anxiety, and many liars are still easily able to look you in the eye and spew deceit Other potential indicators of deceit are descriptive vagueness or a quavering voice Touching the notch in the front-middle of the neck can means that the person is trying to protect themselves -- suggesting discomfort, especially in women Similarly, men usually stroke their necks, which is an attempt to lower heart rate Pupil constriction and squinting can mean that a person is bothered by what they're seeing A long, audible exhale -- known as a cathartic exhale -- means that the person is under severe emotional distress, and is frequently seen in moments when the person realizes that they've been caught To improve your technique at spotting signs, observe children and what they do when they try to tell a white lie Adults learn how to tell white lies in order to survive social interactions, but children haven't learned this skill yet. They're terrible at lying, and each sign of deceit is magnified because of their ineptitude. Naturally some individuals are better than others at lying. Those that aren't well versed in all the tricks of the trade will exhibit some of the signs that kids do when they lie. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  10. 10. Ask questions dont interrogate Ask questions. When you're reading someone, you are watching and listening. What you're not doing is grabbing the conversation by the horns and steering it in your direction. So ask your question and get out of there. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. You'll be best off asking short, to- the-point, pertinent questions. If you say, "How's your family?" you may get a rambling, all-over- the-place response that doesn't help you gauge well the information you're looking for. If you say, "What book are you reading currently?" you may be able to gather more personal information. P bar Y Safety Consultants
  11. 11. It is a game of math it has to add up Look for inconsistencies in their baseline. A normally affectionate person who seems not to be physically present and doesn't seem to want to get near anyone with a 10- foot pole has something going on; the same behavior exhibited by Boo Radley does not necessarily mean the same thing. Once you've gathered how the person acts in day-to-day life, keep an eye out for the stuff that doesn't mesh. If something doesn't seem to add up, yo