Halal and haram relationships

Halal and haram

relationships

What is right and what is wrong?

Pres ented By

S hei kh mu s leh kha n

www.faceb o o k.c o m/b rother m usleh

In a society driven by lust, temptation, and

amorality, the line between what is halal and

what is haram has become increasingly

distorted.

So how do we determine which relationships in

our lives are halal or haram? And where do we

draw the line?

Halal relationships

A halal relationship is one in which it is lawful for

you to be in that person’s company alone and

have physical contact with them because either:

They are your spouse and you are in a lawful

marriage contract with them.

They are forbidden to you for marriage. Islam

has outlined exactly who our mahrams are and

who have been made halal for us. Allah says in

the Qur’an:

Halal relationships

“Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers,

your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters,

your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters,

your sister’s daughters, your foster mother who

gave you suck, your foster sisters, your wives’

mothers, your step-daughters under your

guardianship, born of your wives into whom you

have gone – but there is no sin on you if you have

not gone into them (to marry their daughters) - the

wives of your sons (who spring) from your own

loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time,

except for what has already passed. Verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [An-Nisa 4:23]

The family

Rules of halal/haram relationships tend not to apply with

family relations

Issues:

Mixing freely with non-mahram family members e.g.

cousins, uncle’s wife, aunt’s husband etc

Removing hijab and modest clothing in the home

Physical contact such as hugging

That ‘uncle’ who puts his hand on your head as a mark

of love and respect

The brother-in-law. Culturally they play an important part

in life with the in laws and are often seen as important as

biological brothers by the family.

The family

The Prophet said:

“It is better for a Believer to be struck in the head with a

hot iron rod than to touch a woman who is not lawful for

him.” [Tabarani & Baihaqqi]

This proves that physical contact of any type with any

person who is not your mahram/forbidden to you for marriage is forbidden, even if they are your relatives,

and even if you have the right intentions.

“When a man and woman are alone together, Shaytan is

the third” [Tirmidhi]

The brother-in-law

Guarding against the brother-in-law has been

specifically mentioned, as the Prophet said:

“The brother-in-law is like death for a woman.”

[Sahih Bukhari]

Hadith – clear proof that your husband's brother or sister’s husband is a non-mahram and that the

rules of segregation still apply

Such a specific hadith for the brother-in-law tells us

this relationship is more dangerous than with any

other non-mahram and is a clear warning.

The brother-in-law

Why?

Because the brother-in-law, contrary to the stranger,

can easily approach the sister-in-law and violate her

privacy, without people blaming him for doing so.

Culturally families find no problem with the

husband’s brother being in private with the

husband’s wife which is why this relationship is so

dangerous and haram.

‘Death’ refers not only to physical temptation, but to

the mischief that could be caused due to gossiping

and manipulation of the sister-in-law or of the

husband.

The workplace

Non-Muslim workplaces – complications such as

shaking hands/work socials.

Is it okay to shake hands with your colleagues in a

professional capacity only?

Some modern day scholars say it is okay

Whether it is for professional or personal reasons,

the Islamic rulings are the same – touching of any kind is not allowed. Your intention is irrelevant.

The best of mankind, the Prophet SAW did not

touch women nor saw the need to. This is despite

the fact that the oath of allegiance was originally

given by hand.

The workplace

Aysha (RA) said concerning when the Prophet

would take the allegiance from women:

“And no, I swear by Allah the hand of the Messenger

never ever touched a woman when they would give him

allegiance, except that he would say: ‘I have taken your allegiance upon that.’” [Collected by Al-Bukhari]

Abdullaah bin Amr narrated:

“The Messenger of Allah never used to shake

hands with women in taking allegiance.” [Collected by Ahmad]

Despite the fact that the Prophet SAW was the most

honourable of mankind and would have had the purest of

intentions, he still never shook hands.

The workplace

What about work socials/conferences where

alcohol would be consumed/free mixing?

Need to weigh up how important the event is for

work and how much of it is work versus social

event.

Better to avoid such events as they usually a

source of fitna – other things like free mixing and

alcohol.

If it is necessary to attend for sake of work then

fear Allah when you attend – however it is not

permissible to sit at the same table where alcohol

is being served or engage in unnecessary free

mixing.

The boyfriend/girlfriend

What does having a boyfriend mean? Is this relationship

recognised in Islam?

How many times have you heard (or said): “we’re only

meeting up” or “we only talk on the phone/video chat”?

Dangerous as it starts off slowly – eye contact, phone calls

As time goes on the guilt wears off – become comfortable

enough to justify your actions

Shaytan encourages you to keep moving to the next step

Ask yourself this: at which point do you draw the line? Where

do you stop? Boundaries become so blurred that what is

haram and halal is not clear anymore.

In keeping with this a famous Arabic couplet states,

"A look, then a smile, a nod of the head,

then talk, a handshake, a promise, then the warmth of a

bed.”

The boyfriend/girlfriend

Islam – prevention is better than cure as it removes any

doubt or grey areas from the situation and closes the

door to fitna and temptation from the outset.

The Prophet said:

“Any share of fornication of the son of Adam is written

and no doubt he will reach it: The fornication of the eyes

is looking at that which is forbidden. The fornication of

the ears is listening to that which is forbidden. The

fornication of the tongue is saying that which is

forbidden. The fornication of the hand is grasping that

which is forbidden. The fornication of the feet is walking

to that which is forbidden. The fornication of the heart

yearns and desires and the genitals either confirm it or

contradict it.” [Muslim, Qadar:21]

The boyfriend/girlfriend

Hadith tells us it’s not okay to “just hold hands” or “just talk on the phone for hours” to a non-mahram.

Still counts as a form of zina (fornication) so must be avoided at all costs.

Therefore to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in Islam is a very western concept and is haram.

This is a very real disease of modern society brought on by lack of belief in God and therefore the religious institution of marriage.

Main purpose of nikah – to allow a halal relationship, so there is no need to continually commit zina with a boy/girlfriend when Islam gives you the simple and halal option of a nikah.

The friend

Has become increasingly common to have friends of the opposite gender – the term ‘friend’ meaning different things.

Most friends are made at school, college, university or work.

Since we’ve already established that unnecessary free mixing with the opposite gender is a means to fitna and is therefore haram, what do you think about friends?

Easy area to fall short – boundaries break down gradually and Shaytan helps you justify the nature of your relationship

The friend

There is no such thing as a platonic relationship with the opposite gender – temptation/bad thoughts are never far away

If you have to do group work e.g. presentations with members of the opposite gender – keep it to the work in hand. Being respectful and friendly is not the same as being friends.

Prophet said:

“A person is on the religion of his companions. Therefore let every one of you carefully consider the company he keeps.” [Tirmidhi]

The fiance/fiancee

The western concept of engagement is very

different to the Islamic concept.

Engagement in Islam simply means when the man

asks the woman to marry him. Allah SWT says:

“And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of

betrothal…” [al-Baqarah 2:235]

Furthermore it is narrated that the Prophet was

engaged to Aishah RA (Al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah,

4793).

There is no harm in being engaged as long as you

do not introduce haram practices e.g. exchanging

of rings.

The fiance/fiancee

Culturally, a lot of families think it is okay for a

man and woman to go out alone and be together

once engaged, however this mentality is as

damaging as having a girlfriend/boyfriend.

This relationship is hard to control as the

opportunity for sin is greater.

Mindset of “we’re getting married anyway so it’s

okay” to justify inappropriate behaviour.

However the only point at which it is ever okay is

when you are married. Before that you are still

strangers so the rules of non-mahrams still apply.

The non-biological family

Refers to step father, step daughter, adopted

children, adoptive parents etc.

Step mother – once she is married to your

father your step mother becomes permanently

forbidden to you for marriage and you become

her mahram.

Step daughter – You become a mahram for

your step daughter after the marriage contract

and consummation of the marriage to your wife

has taken place.

The non-biological family

Adoption A complicated matter – child needs to be breastfed

by the adoptive mother for relationship to become lawful.

If child hasn’t been suckled – as if they were non-mahrams to you/you are non mahram to them.

Adoptive mother needs to suckle the child at least 5 times. They should be suckled in their first 2 years.

The Prophet said:

“Suckling forbids (from marriage) that which is forbidden due to birth.” [Al Bukhari 9/140]

Once this has been established the adopted son becomes the mahram for any other relation that a biological son would have:

The same rules apply if you adopt a girl.

The social network

Given everything you have just learnt in this webinar, what do you think about communication with the opposite gender online?

Bear in mind:

- You are alone and your conversation is private

- Inhibitions run low and temptations run high

- Shaytan helps you to lie to yourself

- Zina is not just based on physical sin

conclusion

Islam is a practical religion – leaves no room for grey areas or uncertainty

In Islam good and bad deeds are based on both intention AND action, so it is not enough to say ‘I never intended anything bad by this’ when committing the wrong action.

Example: grave worshippers have good intentions about their actions but their actions are totally haram and cannot be justified or made right merely by their intentions.

So fear Allah regarding this matter – it is slippery slope that has led even the most pious men astray (various hadiths documenting this)

conclusion

Beware of your thoughts, for they will become your

words.

Beware of your words, for they will become your

actions.

Beware of your actions, for they will become your

habits.

Beware of your habits, for they will become your

character.

Beware of your character, for it will become your

destiny.

Remember....

The halal answer

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