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TheIntrovert’sPlaybook
IntroductionInasocially-drivenworldthatoftengivesoverwhelmingpraisetoextroversion,itcanbedifficulttofindyourplaceasanintrovert.Thisringsespeciallytruewhenyouconsiderthatamongthegeneralpopulation,in2012itwaslastestimatedthatanastounding50–75%iofpeopleareinfactcategorizedasextroverts.Itseems,itisinfactanextrovertedworld.But,whatdoesthatmeanforanintrovert?Inlivinginanextrovertedworld,introvertsareoftenleftwonderingjusthowitisthattheycanbeacceptedasmorevaluedmembersofsociety,or,onamorepressingandbasiclevel,simplycopewiththeday-to-daychallengesthatintroversionpresents.Initsmostbasicsense,introversionisoneofthemajorpersonalitytraitsamongthemanytheoriesofpersonality.Introvertsareoftendefinedasbeinginward-turning,thatis,theytendtoleanmoretowardinternalthoughts,feelingsandmoodsasopposedtoseekingoutexternalstimulation.Theytendtobemorequietandreservedwhilealsobeingmoreself-aware.Thisisboththeirstrengthandtheirchallenge.
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Unlikeextrovertswhoseekoutandgainenergyfromsocialinteractions,itcantakeagreatdealofstrengthandenergyforanintroverttofacethosesame,seeminglyordinarysocialsituations.Itisforthisreasonthatintrovertsrequirespaceandtimealoneto“recharge,”reflectandevaluate.Toomanyexternalstimulicanbeoverwhelmingandexhausting.But,thisisnotnecessarilyaweakness.Toooften,introversionisthrownaboutwithnegativeconnotations.Thosewhoremainincrediblymisinformedwillthrowaroundwordslike,timid,meek,withdrawn,anti-social,hyper-sensitiveorevenarroganttodescribeanintrovert.Butletitbeclearlyunderstood-thesewordsdonotaccuratelydescribeorcharacterizesomeonewhoisintroverted.Infact,theysimplyprovetheseverelackofunderstanding,frombothsides(introvertedandextroverted),ofwhatitmeanstobeintroverted.ThatiswhyIamheretocastasidethosemisconceptionsandmisunderstandingsandtohelpyouunderstandthatbeinganintrovertdoesnotmakeyouweak.Itdoesnotmakeyoudifficult.Itdoesnotmakeyouastereotype.Anditcertainlydoesnotmeanthatanythingiswrongwithyou.
ItismyhopethatyoufindinspirationthroughthiseBookandgainabetterunderstandingofwhatittrulymeanstobeintroverted.Attimes,introversioncanseemlikeacruelfate.Introvertsmayfacedifficultieswithrelationships,socialsituations,workandeventheirhealth,butIamheretotellyouthatintroversionisnotyourfate,butyourchallenge.And,yes-itisachallengethatyoucanlearntotacklewithconfidencethatcanleadacceptanceandgreatpersonalsuccess.Understandingthischallengeishowyouwillrevealyourtruestpotential.Itisthekeytolivingyourhappiestandhealthiestlife.So,areyoureadytolearnhowtoovercomesomeofanintrovert’sgreatestchallenges?Let’sdivein!
HowtoHandletheChallengesofanExtrovertedWorld
Ahugepercentageofthepopulationareintroverts,thoughoursociety’sculturalnormbyin-largeseemstobebasedonextroversionas“normal,”oftencondemningintroversionasaweaker,more“abnormal”stateofbeing.Whileseverelyuntrue,weseeexamplesofthisextroversion-worship,ifyouwill,inmuchofwhatweseeonTVtoday,especiallythatentertainmentwhichbearstheunbelievablymisleadingtitleof“reality”wherepeoplewillinglyexposetheirprivatelivesbothpubliclyandloudly.Wealsoseethistrendinsocialmedia,amediumthathasseenamazinggrowthinrecentyearsthat,again,isallbasedonanextrovertparadigmthatintrovertsfinddifficulttocometotermswith.Weseethistrendingstereotypeinthebusinessworldaswell,wheremanagersoftenadvocatethehyping-upofextrovertemotionalityasameanstosuccess.Thosewhoarefull-on,vocallyin–your-faceexpressingpassionareconsideredgreaterleadersandteamassetswhereassomeonewhomaybemorereservedisconsideredafollower.
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Theseareallsocialexampleswheremorevalueisseeminglyplacedontheextrovertasopposedtotheintrovert.Yes,thereisculturalbias.But,asyouwillcometofind,neitherisactuallymorevaluedorvaluablethantheother,asitreallycomesdowntobothasocietalandinternalmisunderstandingofwhatintroversionactuallyis.BeinganIntrovertinanExtrovertWorldInordertotrulyunderstandwhatitmeanstobeanintrovertinanextrovertworld,wehavetofirstunderstandthebasicfundamentaldifferencesbetweenintroversionandextroversion. Introversionvs.Extroversion
Inthemostbasicsense,definingindividualsaseitherextrovertsorintrovertsissimplyamatterofwherepeoplegettheirenergyandmotivationfrom.Dotheydrawenergyfromotherpeopleoristhatenergydrawnfromwithin?Neitherlabelisgoodnorbad;theyarejustdifferentdefinitionsofhowpeoplenaturallydealwiththeworld.ExtraversionandintroversionareoneofthepreferencesusedintheJungianTypeInventoryii,apersonalitytestthatisbasedonCarlJung’sandIsabelBriggsMyers’personalitytypetheory.You’veprobablytakenoneofthesetestsinschooloronyourown,whereyouansweraseriesofquestions,andyourresponsesleadyoutoone(orafew)ofthe16personalitytypes(e.g.ENFJ,INTJ,etc.).Ifyourtypeisrevealedas‘Extrovert,’youlikelygainenergyfromengagingwithotherpeopleandloseenergywhenbyyourself.Incontrast,thoserevealedas‘Introvert’tendtogaintheirenergywhentheyarebythemselvesandloseenergywhenengagingwithotherpeople.Themostobviousdifferencecanbedetectedwhenitcomestocommunicationmethodsandconductingconversations.Forextroverts,thinkingisstimulatedbythatactualactoftalking.Introverts,ontheotherhand,thinkinwardlybeforespeaking.Yousee,eachhavedifferentmeansofcopingwithdifferentsituations.Thesearedeep-rootedtraitsthatwemustalllearntoacceptandrespect.RecognizethatIntroversionIsNotaPersonalityType–It’sBiologyNow,somethingthatfeweasilyrecognizeisthatbeinglabeled‘Introverted’or‘Extroverted’isnotassigningaspecificpersonalitytype.Itisinfactrecognizingone’sownbiology.Introversionisnotalearnedbehavior;itisnotapreference,anditisnotsimplya“type.”Anintrovert’snervoussystemisjustwiredalittledifferent.Theirbiologyissuchthattheyprocessandretrieveinformationdifferently.Introversionmakesyoumoresensitivetoexternalstimuliinanygivenenvironmentthat,perhaps,othersdon’tnotice.TheChallengesIntrovertsFace
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Itisthishyper-sensitivitytostimulithatoftenleavesintrovertsfeelingoverwhelmedandrun-down,becausetheyarefacedwithandmustbeabletocopewithdistractionsandchallengesonadailybasis.Fromsocialinteractions,tothechatterandnoisethatcomeswithopen-conceptworksettingsoreventheannoyingbuzzingoffluorescentlightsoverhead,theday–to-daychallengescanbeexhausting.Fortunately,introvertscanlearntobetterunderstandthosechallengesaswellasdevelopthenecessarytoolstoobettercopewithsuchobstacles.Yes,thestimuliwillalwaysbethere,andyouwillcontinuetonoticethem,but,youcanlearnhowtocopeinwaysthatwillleaveyoufeelinglessdrainedandlessinneedofextendedrecoverytimeattheendoftheday.CopingwithIntroversionThoughperhapsnotthemajorityofthepopulation,youshouldgaincomfortandconfidenceinthefactthatthereisstillanenormouspercentageofpeopleouttherewhoareallfacingthesamechallengesofintroversion.AswewilldiscussoverandoveragainthroughoutthiseBook,it’sallamatterofunderstandingandacceptingyouruniquebiology.Introversionisnotanimpedimentnorisitaburden.Itissimplyachallenge,andonethat(ifyouhaven’talready)wewillshowyouhowtoaccept!Whenitcomestocopingwithdailychallenges,theprimarywayinwhichtodosoistosimplybeawareofandrespectyourdifferentmechanismsthatareoperating.Formany,thismeansresistingtheculturalstereotypethatcomeswiththe“label”ofbeingintroverted.Youshouldn’tfeelpressuretocaveintowhateveryoneelsemayormaynotbedoing,whetherthat’sbehavinginanextrovertedmannerorotherwise.Youdon’thavetopushyourselftothatlevelofexpressionordiscomfort.Acceptandbeyourself,first,andalways.So,whatexactlyaresomeofthebestwaystocopewithbeinganintrovertinanextrovertworld?Let’slookatsomeexamples. CopingStrategiesforSocialGatherings:
• Wheninengagedinconversation,allowthosewhoaremoreextrovertedtocarrymoreoftheweight;letthemdomostofthetalking.Thisallowsyoupeaceofmindinnothavingtofeelpressuredtogivemorethanyoufeelcomfortablewith.Really,it’sawin-winsituation,asitallowsboththeintrovertandtheextroverttoprocessinformationandengageintheirowntime.
• Whenitcomestosocialgatherings,developacopingstrategy.Aspreviouslymentioned,youmighttrystayingclosetoanextrovertedfriendsothattheycandomostoftherequiredtalking.Ifyou’reunsureofwhowillbeinattendance,youmightlookattheguestlistbeforehandsothatyoucantargetandengage
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withthosewhoyoualreadyknow.Ifattendanceisrequired,butyoudon’treallyfeelupforputtinginalotoftime,youcanplantoarrivelateorleaveearly(orevenboth).Andonceyougethome,plantoimmediatelyspendsomealonetimetorecharge.
• Infindingwaystotestyourownboundaries,nexttimeyoumeetsomeone,evenifjustinpassing,takethetimetomakeeyecontactandexchangepleasantries.Whilethismayseemlikeasillyexercise,itgivesyouachancetoworkupyourconfidenceinavocallyexpressedmanner.Themoreyoudoit,thewideryourcomfortzonewillbecome.Practice,practice,practice.
CopingStrategiesfortheWorkEnvironment:
• Whenitcomestotakingapositionofemployment,youmaywanttoavoidthosemorein–your-faceroles.Sales,forexample,isbettersuitedtothosewhoareextroverted.This,however,doesn’tmeanthatyoushouldavoidtheserolesentirelyorthatyouwouldn’tbesuccessfulinthem.Infact,introversioncanbeagreatassetinasalespositionbecauseintrovertsareexcellentlisteners,andwhenyoulistentoaclient’sneeds,youcanmoreeasilyandaccuratelytailoryourofferings.Short-term,anintrovertcoulddoverywell,butlong-term,arolerequiringthismuchexpendedandexpressedenergymightbecomeoverwhelming.
• Whenenteringintomeetingsatwork,practicespeakingup.Thisdoesn’tmeanspeakingjustforthesakeofspeaking,butletitbeknownwhereyoustand.Clearlyandbrieflycommunicateyourpositiononagivensubject(itdoesn’thavetobeanextendedresponse)ratherthanexpectingyoursilencetobetakenasconsentinthematter.
Inlearningtobetterunderstandofhowtocopewithlivinginanextrovertedworld,it’simportantthatwealloperateinwaysthatcontinuetobestsuitournaturalmechanisms.Remember,it’sallaboutrespectandbalance,andasyouimplementsomeofthesecopingpractices,you’llbeabletofindthatbalance.
WaystoManage&SucceedinaWorldFullofExtroverts
Wealreadyknowthattheworldisgearedtowardextroverts.Evenfromourearlydaysas
childrenwearetoldthatweneedtobeextrovertedinordertostandout.So,cananintrovert
trulymanagethechallengesofthisrealityandsucceed?Absolutely!Nomatterhowone-
sidedtheculturalstigmamayseem,knowthatyou,asanintrovert,bringauniqueperspective
tothetablealongwithspecialgiftsandabilitiesthat,really,onlyanintrovertcanprovide.So,
stopfocusingonwhetherornotyouarefallingbehindthe“extroverted-lead.”Instead,it’s
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timetoshiftyourfocustowardlearninghowtosucceedandthrivewiththepowerofyouruniquetemperament.
Ifasimpleshiftinattitudeisn’tenoughforyoutobelievejustyet,hereareafewtipsonhowyoucansucceedpersonallyandprofessionally,inaworldfullofextroverts:
1. Meetlike-mindedpeople.Sure,thisseemsobvious,butasintrovertstendtobe
drainedofenergywhendealingwithsocialsituationsandextendedface–to-face
interaction,trymeetingsomelike-mindedpeopleonline.Afterall,beingintroverted
doesn’tmeanthatyouareanti-social,shyorawkward.Youjustneedtherightenvironmenttothrivein,sotryoutsomeonlinesocialgroups.
2. Writeitdown.Thewrittenwordisanintrovertsbestfriend.Introvertsoftenfeelmore
comfortablewritingsomethingdownthansayingitoutloud.Usethistoyour
advantage,andwritedownyourthoughtsandopinionsbeforegoingintomeetingsor
get-togethers.Thiswillhelpyouorganizeyourthoughtsandgiveyousomethingtouse
duringanyawkwardpauses(which,let’sfaceit–weallexperiencethose,introvertedornot).
3. Realisticallytaperyourload.Whileit’seasytojustsay‘yes’toeveryrequestthat
comesyourway,addingmoretoyourplate,it’stimetostartbeingrealisticaboutwhat
youcanhandle.Rememberthatyoudon’thavetogotoeverysocialevent,andyou
don’thavetoattendeverybusinessnetworkingopportunity,etc.Besurethatyouaregettingallofthedown-timethatyouneedtofullyrecharge.
4. Don’tlettheextrovertsorextrovertedexpectationsgetyoudown.Asanintrovert,you
probablydon’tlikedrawingattentiontoyourself,soit’seasytojustsitbackandlisten
ratherthanparticipate.But,ifyouwantorhavesomethingtosay,knowthatitisyourrighttobeheard.Don’tletanyonetellyouotherwise.
TheManyStrengthsofBeinganIntrovertAboveallelse,understandthatasanintrovert,youholdgreatstrength,soownit!Whilebeinganintrovertinaworldfullofextrovertscanfeellikeadisadvantageattimes,it'sallamatterofshiftingperspectiveandplayingtoyourstrengths.Asanintrovert,youlikelyhavetheabilitytoabsorbinformationquickly(becauseyoufocusmoreonlisteningthanspeaking),bemoreobservantwhenitcomestogroupdynamics,andseethingsthatothersmaymiss.Otherinnateskillsthatyoupossessprobablyincludefocus,creativityandintuition.
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Thesearejustsomeofthewonderfulstrengthsofintroversion,andthesearewhatmakeyouspecial.Usetheseskillstoyouradvantage,wheneverpossible,andfocusonfurtherdevelopingthem.Allofthesestrengthsandtalentsareabsolutelyessentialandhighlyvaluedinoursociety.Theworldneedsmoreintroversion,anddon’tyouforgetthat!Self-CarePracticesforIntroverts
Oneofthebestwaystoupholdthevalueofintroversionanditsuniquestrengthsistoencourageintrovertstopracticeself-care.Thisisincrediblyimportantforeveryone,butespeciallyforintroverts.Often,introvertsfindthattheyareeasilyoverwhelmedinextrovert-orientedsituationsandfaceagreatdealofanxiety(anddepressioninsomecases).But,youarenotdoomed.Youjustneedtoadoptsomestrategiesthatcanhelpyoubettercope,someofwhichwe’vealreadydiscussed.Now,it’stimetodelvealittledeeperintosomeoftheseself-carepracticesthatcantakeyoufromsurvivingtothriving.SeekOutAloneTime
Forintroverts,spendingtimealone,awayfromallothers,isoneofthebestwaystopracticeself-care.Itisthebestwaytorecharge.Makesurethatyouaresettingasidemomentsofsolitudeineachandeveryday.Youshouldeventrytodothisatworkandduringsocialevents.Juststepoutsideforabreather.Asimplebreakawayfromstimulicanmakeaworldofdifference.Whetheryouretreatintoajournal,lookoutawindoworjusttakeawalkinthefreshair,youneedthisalonetimetoboostyouroverallwell-being.
AffirmYourOwnNeeds
Introvertssometimesstrugglewiththerestraintsofsocialetiquette.Tosome,introvertedbehavior,likereservedspeechortheneedtogooffalone,maycomeacrossasrudewheneveryoneelseislaughingandhavingfun.But,thatisbecausetheydon’tunderstandthatthethingsextrovertsdefineas“fun”areoftendrainingforintroverts.
It’stimetoletgoofanyguiltthatyoumayfeelwhenyouneedthistimealoneandembraceyourownnature.Youdon’thavetojustifyyourchoicesorneeds,but,ifyoudostillfeeltheneedtosaysomethingtothosearoundyou,simplysaysomethinglike,“I’menjoyinglisteningrightnow,”orifyouhavetostepaway,say“It’sbeenfun;I’llcatchupwithyoulater.”Youhavenothingtoapologizefor.
GiveYourselfa“Role”DuringSocialEventsAneasywaytopracticeself-careduringsocialinteractionsistosimplyassignyourselfanactionablerole.Giveyourselfasenseofpurpose,anassignment,tohelpmakeyoufeelmore
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comfortable.Youcanvolunteertodosomethingtohelpduringagiveninteractionorgathering.Forexample,youcouldtakephotosforthenight,oryoucouldhelppreparefood,monitortheplaylistortakecareofpeople’sbagsandcoatswhentheycomein.Whateveryouchoose,justchoosesomethingthatwillgiveyouaneasywaytoconnectwithpeoplewithoutthepressureofstartingfromscratch.Thinkofitasastress-freeicebreaker.FindOutletsforExpression
Sincemanysocialsituationsmaynotincludespaceforintrovertedexpression,it’simportanttoseekoutavenuesforself-expressiononyourowntermsandtimetable.Oneofthegreatestchallengesforanintrovertistocontinuetobethoughtfulandexpressive,especiallyinsuchanextrovertedworld.Findsomethingthatallowsyoutoexpressfreely,whetherthatmaybeart,creativewriting,hiking,playingasport,orsomethingelseentirely.PracticeGoodHealthThemostbasicandobviousmeansofself-careistosimplypracticegoodhealth.Takegoodcareofyourphysicalhealth,yes,butyoumustalsofocusonmaintaininggoodpsychologicalhealth.Yousee,introvertstendtofacemorepsychologicalhealthrisks,likedepression,thannon-introverts,astheytendtocarrymorestressandanxietythatcomesfromthosepesky,daily“introvertchallenges.” WaystoCopewithStress
Asstressitselfcanhavecatastrophiceffectsonyourphysicalhealth,itisincrediblyimportanttolearnhowtocopewithdailytriggersandchallenges.Herearesomewaysforyoutoconsider:
1. Writeinajournal2. Practicemeditation3. Examineyourthoughts,andfocusonthepositives4. Activelycultivatepositiveeffects(onyourmood)inyourdailylife5. Developoptimism6. Knowyourlimits,andrespectthem7. Expressgratitude8. Practiceself-compassion9. Pushyourselftobemoreextroverted,BUTonlywhenitworksforyou
Usingthesecopingmechanismstomanagestressisabsolutelyvitaltoyouroverallhealthandwell-being,sothere’sjustnoreasontobrushself-carepracticesoffanymore.Youhaveallthetoolsthatyouneedtobuild-upbothyourconfidenceandacceptance.
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HowtoThriveintheBusinessWorldasanIntrovertTheworkplacecancauseagreatdealofstressandanxietyforintroverts.Becauseintroversionbynaturetendstomeanamorelow-keypersonality,introvertsdofacecertainchallengeswhileonthejob.Introvertsmayrefrainfromvoicingtheirideasandopinions,underselltheiraccomplishments,andsometimeslackthesocialnetworksthatcanhelpthemgetahead.Unfortunately,asaresult,manyintrovertsintheworkforcereportfeelingignored,marginalized,andmisunderstood.Andwhat’sworse,isthatthesefeelingstendtoleadtointrovertedindividualsquestioningtheirownskills,abilitiesandconfidence.But,youcanpushpastallofthis.Withabitofmanagementandpractice,youcanconquerthebusinessworldandsucceedwhilestayingtruetoyourintrovertedself.Now,there’snoone–size–fits-allstrategy,butgiveitsometimeandlearntobuildonyourownstrengths.Forexample,whileextrovertstendtohaveamorenaturalaffinityforbusinessrelationshipsandnetworking,introvertshaveanaffinityforbusinesstechnicalitiesandsystems.Playtothesestrengths,andsolidifyyourremarkablevaluetobothyourcompanyand,well,yourself.OvercomingCommunicationBarriersAmongIntrovertsandExtrovertsOneofthegreatestchallengesthatintrovertsfaceinthebusinessworld,asidefromothercommonstimulilikeopen-conceptworkspaces,constantchatter,etc.,aretheobviouscommunicationbarriers.Bynow,it’snosecretthatintrovertsandextrovertscommunicatedifferently.Forone,extrovertsliketotalk,andtheyliketotalkalotandfastbecausetheyareprocessingwhilealreadyspeaking.Toanuntrainedmind,thismaycomeacrossasmoredynamicandself-assuredcomparedtoanintrovertwhomayonlyspeakupwhendeliberatelyprompted.Thiscanbeespeciallytrickytomanagein,say,ateamorgroupsetting.So,howcanyoumakeitwork?Well,thereareseveralthingsthatyoumighttry.
WhatCanYouDoAboutIt?Itcanbemoredifficulttobeanintrovertinanextrovertbusinessworld,butaslongasyouspeakup,andaskforwhatyouneed,itispossibletothriveandevenbehappyatwork.Somethingsthatyoucandoinclude:
• Askingyourcolleaguestocommunicateviaemailratherthanbyphone.Thisworksreallywellifyoujustcasuallymentionthatthatisthebestwaytogetaholdofyou.
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• Practicingbabyextraversionsteps.Tellacolleaguethatyoulikedtheirwork,orvolunteertogoaroundcollectingsignaturesonabirthdaycard.Theselittleexpressionsandinteractionswillgoalongwayinimprovingyourworkrelationships.
• Simplytellingyourco-workersthatyou’rethinkingsomethingover.Inworkenvironments,itmaybeespeciallyimportanttoexplainyoursilence.Itmightcomeacrossasdisinterestorignoranceofthetopicat-hand.But,ifyouexpressyourneedtotakeamomenttoconsiderwhat’sbeingpresented,anyawkwardlagsinconversationormisunderstandingscanbeavoided.Youmightsayduringameeting,forexample,“That’saninterestingpoint.I’dliketothinkonthatforamomentandgetbacktoyou.”
• Askingyourselfifyou’retakingadvantageofeveryopportunitytocreatemomentsofundisturbedworktime.Whetherit’sturningoffyourphoneforamoment,onlycheckingyouremailtwiceaday,steppingawayfromyourdeskforabreakoraskingforawork–from-homeday,it’simportanttocreatethese“quiet”opportunitiessothatyoucanreflectandcopewiththechallenges(andwork)athand.
• Beingopenaboutyouroffice-spaceneeds.Noiselevelsinworkplacesoftenbotherintroverts,soifit’stoomuchtohandleandisaffectingyourwork,tellyoursuperior.Perhapstheycanarrangeforamorequiet,lessstimulatingspaceforyoutowork.
Therealgoalandprizeforbothextrovertsandintrovertscomeswhentheyareabletoworktogetherandcombinetheirdiversestrengthsintocreatingabusinessenvironmentwithcompetenceinallareas.Whenthishappens,everyonewins.Recognizing,understandingandrespectingthedifferencesisthestartingpoint.
IntrovertsandRelationshipsIfcommunicationisaconcernforintroverts,thenrelationshipscandefinitelycausesomeanxietiesaswell.Formost,apartnershipisthemostessentialcomponentoftheirlife.Alasting,happy,lovingrelationshipisperhapsthemostimportantkeytoindividualhappinessandself-acceptance.Thatiswhyweseekoutpartners.Introverts,however,oftenhesitatelongertoseekoutrelationshipsthanextroverts.Thisisdueinpartbecauseintrovertstendtodealbetterwithbeingaloneandthereforevaluetheadvantagesofbeingsinglemorethanextroverts.Ontheotherhand,itcanalsobemoredifficultforthemtoapproachotherstoinitiatethatfirstexchange–whichisessentiallythebasicprerequisitewhenlookingforapartner.So,howcananintrovertovercomethesenaturalhesitations?
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TheChallengesofSeekingOutPartnersandRelationships
Becauseintrovertsholdgreatsolaceintimespentalone,itcanbearealchallengetostepoutanddeliberatelysearchforapartner,especiallywhenitcomestohavingtoovertlyexpressoneself.Whileextrovertsmoreeasilyweartheirheartsontheirsleeveforthewholeworldtoknowtheirthoughts,feelingsandemotions,introvertstendtohold-tighttheirinnermostthoughtsandfeelings,sometimestothepointthatevengoodfriendsandfamilycan’tdefinetheirintentions.
HowtoOvercomeThoseChallenges
Forthesereasons,introvertsmighttrythefollowingapproachestoformnewrelationshipswhileovercomingcertainengagingchallenges:
• Letyourintentionsbeknown.Thisisoneofthemostimportantpiecesofadviceforanintrovertedindividualseekingapartner.Simplytalkaboutitwiththoseclosesttoyousothattheycanhelp.Whethertheyknowpeoplewithintheircirclesthattheycanintroduceyoutothatwillhelpbreaktheiceorifthey’rejustaroundformoralesupport,don’tbeafraidtomakeitknownthatthisiswhatyouseek.
• Makecontactsnaturallythroughyourowndiscovery.Whileamoreindirectapproach,itmayhelptojustfocusonyourselfandwhatmakesyouhappy.Branchoutabitandtrysomenewactivities,takeaclass,volunteerorstartahobbythatyouareinterestedin.Throughthis,youmayfindsomeonewhosharesyourinterests,andtheconnection,therefore,willjusthappenorganically,asyouhaveabuilt-inconversationstarter.Thepossibilitiesareendless.
• Goonline.Ifanindirectapproachdoesn’tworkforyou,tryonlinedating.Now,weknowthereisstillastigmathatcomeswithonlinedating,butovertheyearsithasactuallyproventoworkforpeople.Infact,in2015itwasestimatedthat40%ofourpopulationwereusingonlinedatingwebsiteswith20%ofthoseusersfindinglastingrelationshipsiii.Onlinedatingreallyopensupawholenewworldforintroverts,asitallowsforamuchmoreguardedapproachwhilemaintainingcertainboundaries.Introvertsmayevenfindthattheybecomealotmoreoutgoinginthisvirtualspacethaninmoreinterpersonalsituations.
Thesedays,people’svastsocialnetworksallowformanymoreopportunitiesforintrovertstoseekoutandformrelationshipsthaneverbefore.Itallcomesdowntoyouknowingyourself,whatyouwantandaskingforit.
HowtoNourishaRelationshipwithanExtrovert
Inseekingoutrelationships,theyalwayssaythatoppositesattract.JournalistAnnLanderssaysitbest,though,particularlyreferencingtheintrovert-extrovertrelationship.Shesaid,“Ateverypartyonemeetstwokindsofpeople–thosewhowanttogohomeandthosewhowanttostay.Theproblemisthatthosetwoaregenerallymarriedtoeachother.”iv
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Wefrequentlyseecoupleswhereoneofthepartnersisextrovertedandtheotherisintroverted.Perhapsitstemsfromsheerfascinationforoneanotherthatsparksexcitement.Perhapsitissimplyduetoeachofourownlongingstopossessthestrengthsoftheother.Nomatterthedraw,theserelationshipscanopenupwholenewworldsforeachother,complementingandexpandingtheother’sperspective,andmaybeevenhelpingeachtodiscoverandcultivatecompletelynewfacetsandstrengthswithinthemselves.
Thechallenge,ofcourse,hereislearninghowtonourishandencourageeachofyourdifferentneeds.Withoutamutualunderstandingandrespectfortheother’suniqueneeds,youcanstirupagreatdealoffrictionandconflict.Thatiswhyitisextremelyimportantforintrovert-extrovertcouplestoappreciatetheirdifferencesandnotseethemasaslightbytheother.Andmorethanthat,justtelleachotherexactlywhatyouneedtothrive.
Inthesesituations,ifyouwanttherelationshiptolast,youmustmakethetimeandefforttopayattentiontoandcultivateeachother’sparticulartraitsbecauseitwillindeedgoagainstyourownnature.Aswithanyothermatteryoufaceasinintrovert,it’sallamatterofshiftingperspectiveandcommunicatingone’sneedsinordertoovercomeandresolvechallenges.
Conclusion:LifeasanIntrovertOneofthekeystoenjoyinglifeasanintrovertissimplytounderstandthatthegrassisn’talwaysgreenerontheotherside.Yes,introversionisyourchallengeinapredominantlyextrovertedworld,butyouarenotaloneinthechallengesthatyouface.Weallhaveourownchallengestoface,introvertedornot.Neitheranintrovertnoranextrovertisgoodorbad.Neitherisbetterthantheother.Neitherwalksthroughlifeeasierthantheother–weallseekbalanceandtheabilitytofocusourstrengths.Asinintrovert,youpossessthepowertomoveonwardandupward.Yourinnerstrengthsarenotgoingtobeyourhindrance,theyaregoingtosetyoufreetobecomeamorecentered,well-balanced,contributing,valuedmemberofsociety.Self-assessment,understanding,acceptanceandalittlepatienceiskey.
Unfortunately,thereisnomagicbuttonformanagingintroversion.But,withthehelpofthesetacticsandyourownnaturalabilities,youcanlearntogetthemostoutoflifeandthriveintoday’sover-stimulated,extrovert-drivenworld.Thegoalhereisnottoattempttochangeone’spersonality;ratherthegoalistoembraceitandexpanditsothatintroversionbecomesyourstrength.
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Appendix i http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extraversion-or-introversion.htm?bhcp=1 ii http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/ iii https://www.eharmony.com/online-dating-statistics/ iv https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/annlanders153175.html
