Business Etiquette Essentials

Business Etiquette Essentials

©The Etiquette Advocate

www.etiquetteadvocate.com 1

ETIQUETTE ESSENTIALS

What’s the point of learning traditional rules of etiquette and decorum in today’s

high-speed, high-tech world of business? Do you really need to spend time thinking

about how to shake hands, what fork to use at dinner, and other ―soft‖ skills? The answer

is definitely YES, if you care about presenting a professional image, building successful

business relationships, earning the respect of your colleagues and clients, and effectively

representing your organization in a variety of settings.

People who are successful and effective in their careers develop not only an

expertise in their field, but an overall polish in appearance and behavior. They know how

to greet others and make introductions, converse on many subjects, dine with dignity and

treat people of all levels with respect.

Observe someone in your organization whom you respect and view as successful.

Notice how the person can move effortlessly from the conference table to the dining

table, handle a variety of challenges without self consciousness, and put colleagues and

friends at ease. By learning and practicing etiquette skills, you can develop a demeanor

that will increase your level of comfort in social and business settings. Your polish and

self confidence will help you to building business relationships and accomplish your

goals more quickly.

The rules of etiquette can be compared to a common language that all successful

people must learn to speak. By reviewing the material contained in this workbook and

other etiquette information resources, keeping them handy and referring to them often,

soon you will be fluent in etiquette and will become a respected and effective

representative of your organization. People have choices in the business arena, and they

choose to do business with people they like and respect.

“I’d like to start a campaign to return good manners to business.

Exhibiting good manners does not make a person appear to be weak

or wimpy. Rather, it demonstrates that person’s maturity and ability

to appropriately respond to business situations. Who would you rather

have working for you—the sales rep whom customers look forward to

dealing with or the bulldozer who’ll stop at nothing to get the order?

Bad manners are bad business.”

Harvey Mackay, author

Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive




PREPARE FOR SUCCESS

In today’s fiercely competitive world, etiquette intelligence is an important tool to

add to your arsenal and will help you to stand out from the crowd. Etiquette skills can

help you to project confidence and a professional image as you build relationships, and

they will help to demonstrate your respect for others.

Think of yourself as a salesman for a product that you want to promote. The

product is YOU. Are you ready for the marketplace? Many services and products

available today are often so similar that buyers look for differences in quality. Take stock

of your personal inventory –image, cooperation, trust, courtesy and perception of

reliability. Does your inventory measure up to your consumers’ expectations and will it

help you to achieve your goals? While etiquette intelligence alone will not insure success

in your personal and professional life, it will give you an edge over others.

APPEARANCE AND BODY LANGUAGE

“Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.” Christopher Lasch

♦

Your overall image is more than the clothes on your back and the shoes on your

feet. Appearance and body language are critical factors in how you are perceived by

others. You must pay attention to the packaging of your product – YOU – and you must

sell it with enthusiasm or your lack of enthusiasm will be contagious.

Consider these statistics when planning how you will look and dress for your next

important business meeting or gathering:

People form an impression of you in the first 5 seconds when you

meet.

55% of the message you send is from the way you look.

38% of the message you send is from the way you speak —your

grammar, tone, confidence, body language.

7% of your overall impression is from the actual content of your

message--the words you speak.




ATTIRE

The very old expression, ―Clothes make the man,‖ is partially true because people

form their first impression of others based on appearance. But you do not have to spend

the better part of your salary on clothes in order to be dressed appropriately for an

occasion. You need only to be savvy and observant to dress in good taste for whatever

gathering you attend. Learn something about the environment you’re going into, look for

clues from others, and ask questions when in doubt.

Deciphering the Dress Code:

Our careers take us into many different environments. When we are required to

move into unfamiliar territory, one way to fit in more quickly and project the image that

we intend to is by choosing appropriate attire. Dress codes vary among industries, offices,

cultures, job sites and business occasions, and a one-size-fits-all philosophy is a formula

for failure. When preparing for any new and different occasion--meeting, gathering, or

business related special event--do some research and analysis to learn something about

the target environment, industry, and participants before going to your closet or to the

mall.

When in doubt on how to dress for an important occasion:

Call the host or coordinator and inquire

Call another guest invited to the same event, or

Dress one level ABOVE what you think will be appropriate.

Dress Code Lexicon

The following are terms of dress that are often shared verbally or are printed on

itineraries and invitations:

White Tie – Full evening dress. Women wear long, dressy gowns, and men

wear a black tailcoat and white pique bow tie or equivalent military uniform.

Diplomats wear decorations.

Black Tie – Only after 6 p.m.! Women wear short or long evening dresses or very

dressy separates, and men wear a black dinner jacket and black pants (or white

dinner jacket, in some environments). Military personnel wear an equivalent

dress uniform. (Beware of ―Black Tie Optional‖; it’s a guaranteed disaster. Men

who dress in Black Tie feel overdressed, and those who don’t feel like party

crashers.)

Informal – The traditional/historic interpretation of ―Informal‖ was one step

below ―Black Tie.‖--in other words, quite dressy. Women wore a very dressy

afternoon dress or a short cocktail dress or dinner suit. Men wore a suit and tie,

never a sport coat. Today it is misleading to use the term ―informal‖ because of its

many interpretations.




Business Attire – When you see or hear this term, it usually means business suit

and tie for men; dress, suit or pantsuit for women.

Business Casual – Skirt and jacket or pant suit for women; sport coat with

collared shirt (polo or dress shirt) without tie for men. Interpretation of this term

varies between industries.

Dressy Casual – Follow guidelines for Business Casual.

Resort Casual – Attire suitable for patio parties, luaus, pool-side parties. When

in the context of a business conference/convention, clothes are more dressy than

typical backyard attire.

Casual – Many industries have an extremely relaxed dress code, and ―Business

Casual‖ or ―Casual‖ to one firm or community may not mean the same to another.

Always check with your host and when in doubt, dress one level above what you

think will be appropriate in order to look professional. It is always better to be

slightly overdressed than slightly underdressed.

No Dress Stated – If event is held immediately after working hours, business

attire is appropriate, or the text of invitation, the occasion for the event or the time

of the event will dictate attire.

All of these elements of your appearance, body language and attire contribute to

the overall impression that you make in those critical FIRST 5 SECONDS.

BODY LANGUAGE

Experts on the subject tell us that 50-60% of communication is through body

language. Most of us are unaware that our body language conveys a wide range of

emotions and subliminal messages: confidence, insecurity, anger, annoyance, resistance,

mistrust, dominance, willingness to negotiate, interest, comfort or distress, to name a few.

It is critical to think about our posture, hand gestures, eye movement, facial expression,

placement of arms and feet, and proximity when we are building relationships and trying

to deliver our message to others.

Positive Messages

Smile (confidence; approachable; friendly; caring; empathetic; non-threatening,

ready for discussion or negotiation)

Open posture (arms at your side; facing others directly/shoulders lined up with

others when in conversation)

Standing up straight (confidence; reliability; interest; respect)

Eye contact (research the norms in various cultures; North America: 60-70% eye

contact when in conversation)




Head tilt (interest; consideration)

Sitting up straight with feet flat on the floor (respect; interest)

Mirroring body language when in conversation (must be subtle)

Proximity/distance between speakers (be aware of cultural differences--standing

arms’ distance apart from others when in conversation is comfortable for North

Americans; too close for Asians; too great a distance for Latin Americans or

Middle Easterners)

Negative Messages

Arms crossed over chest (defensive; uncertain; inflexible/mind made up)

Hands on hips (aggression; anger; dominance)

Hands in pockets (disinterest; distraction; withdrawn)

Legs crossed over knee with foot swinging (boredom; disinterest; lack of

respect)

Showing sole of shoe (offensive in many cultures)

Insufficient eye contact (shyness; disinterest; something to hide)

Pointing with index finger (offensive in many cultures)

Leaning away when in conversation with others (distrust; disinterest; distraction;

personal space has been compromised)

Too relaxed a posture in important settings or occasions (lack of interest; lack of

respect)

Hand gestures that often do not ―translate‖, causing offense or misunderstandings

(OK; #1; V for victory; thumbs up)

Mixed Messages - Proceed with Caution

Touching hand or arm of others when in conversation (can indicate friendship or a

desire to build a relationship, but can repel others when too done early in a new

relationship; inappropriate in many cultures)

Touching eyes, nose, mouth (consider to be vulgar an unclean in many cultures

and by germophobes)

Gesturing or touching with left hand (left hand is considered unclean in many

cultures)

Pointing with index finger (offensive in many cultures)

PEOPLE SKILLS

Business journals, MBA textbooks, industry experts and numerous other sources

tell us that 85% of our success in whatever field we choose to work in will be based on

our people skills. Some people are naturally confident, comfortable and effective when

interacting with others and some seem to struggle with relationships and, as a result, do

not achieve their personal and professional goals. People skills can be developed,




polished and improved just as any other professional skill, and it’s worth the time to

analyze yours to see if they are adding or subtracting from your success.

Improve your people skills by:

Smiling and making eye contact

Meeting and greeting people often

Shaking hands and saying your name often

Learning to make introductions

Using and remembering names

Becoming an active listener and a good conversationalist

Learning to connect and establish rapport with others

Finding opportunities to help others

Making others feel comfortable and respected.

Following up on offers to help or provide information

HANDSHAKE

Your handshake reveals a great deal about you, including:

Your self confidence

Your motivation

Traits about your personality

Your feelings for those you meet

Your attitude about the gathering you are attending.

A firm and confident handshake demonstrates that you are professional, energetic, in

control of a situation, and that you are eager to meet new people. A ―limp fish‖ or ―bone

crusher‖ handshake will not impress others.

WORTH REMEMBERING – Shaking Hands:

All of the following rules apply to men and women. Women need to become

comfortable with shaking hands in social and business settings and with initiating a

handshake when male counterparts hesitate.

Make and maintain eye contact during a handshake as appropriate to the

setting and culture.

It is not necessary for a man to wait for a woman to initiate a handshake.

Always stand for a handshake in business (men and women) and face partner

squarely when shaking hands (Open Posture).

Don’t shake hands across a table or desk. Move to the side or front of the

table or desk. Physical barriers can translate to psychological barriers.

Extend your hand parallel to the floor with thumb pointed up.

Wrap your fingers around your partner’s entire hand (not just fingertips).

No squeezing and no ―limp fish‖ handshakes.




Shake from the elbow, not the wrist.

Pump hands firmly 2-3 times, no more.

Don’t place your left hand on top or to the side of the handshake or grab your

partner’s upper right arm. If partner does this, don’t reciprocate.

Hold a beverage, briefcase, or handbag in your left hand so that you are ready

at all times to shake hands.

Don’t wipe a hand on skirt or trousers before or after shaking hands if anyone

will see the gesture.

Shake hands when saying good-bye.

Don’t comment on or call attention to a bad handshake.

When preparing to greet foreign clients or visitors, DO YOUR

HOMEWORK. There are many cultures in which shaking hands is NOT

appropriate.

If you have clammy hands or sweaty palms, consider using an antiperspirant

on your hand before an important interview or event you will attend, or apply

it to your hand on a regular basis. Avoid putting lotion on your hands

immediately before shaking hands.

HUGS AND KISSES

It is not appropriate to hug or to kiss someone when meeting for the first time in a

North American business environment. When doing so, you are pretending that you

immediately share a close relationship. This can make others uncomfortable

immediately, and you will work for a very long time to overcome the negative reaction

created by the gesture. On subsequent meetings, it is normally the woman who decides if

a handshake turns into a hug or kiss on the cheek.

When meeting international colleagues and clients for the first time, you may

receive a hug or even one, two or three kisses on the cheek. It is a good idea to research

international protocol customs and courtesies so that you are not surprised, uncomfortable

or rigid when these greetings are extended.

INTRODUCTIONS

Making correct introductions is not rocket science, nor is it the easiest thing you

will ever be asked to do. With practice, however, you will become comfortable with the

task and will accomplish it with ease and very little stress. Why bother to learn and

practice this skill? Because…….

Knowing how to make a correct introduction will give you an edge.

MOST PEOPLE DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

Introducing yourself is how you make yourself known to and remembered by others.

Your introduction has two purposes: to tell people who you are and to give them a

pleasant experience when first meeting you. Always make eye contact and smile.




When should you introduce yourself?

When attending a business or social gathering

When the person introducing you does not remember your name

When joining a group already in conversation and no one introduces you

When you recognize someone and he/she does not recognize you

When seated next to someone at a conference table or dining table

When going through a receiving line

Never use an honorific for yourself (Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms., Dr.):

Correct: ―Hello, I’m Jane Foster.‖ Incorrect: ―Hello, I’m Miss Foster.‖

Introducing others will take a little more practice, but the results are well worth the

effort required to learn the basics. You will show others that you are confident and

professional.

INTRODUCTIONS 101

● Always say the name of the highest ranking, most important person (MIP) first,

regardless of gender:

“Ms. Greater Authority, I would like to introduce Mr. Lesser Authority (to

you).”

“Mr. Chairman of the Board, may I present Mr. Vice President.”

“Mr. Supervisor, I would like you to meet my fiancée, Joanna Davis.”

● Introductions between individuals within the same organization follow the hierarchy of

the organization, and the senior individual’s name is spoken first:

―Ms. Office Director, I would like you to meet Mr. New Hire, our new office

assistant.”

“Mr. CEO, may I present Ms. Vice President for Sales. She has just joined us

from our Dallas office.”

● In a business situation, the client or guest visiting the company is the MIP no matter the

rank of the company representative you are introducing:

“Ms. Client, may I introduce Mr. Boss, the president of our company. Mr. Boss,

Ms. Client is the East Coast representative of Dell Computers.”

● A non-official person is introduced TO an official person (MIP):

“Mr. Mayor, may I introduce Ms. Collins, one of our city’s leading business

owners.

“Dr. Church Minister, may I present Mrs. Franklin, a new member of

the altar guild.”




● If you don’t know which person outranks the other or if you think both parties are of

equal importance, you must choose which to honor by mentioning his/her name

first.

Possible choices for MIP:

- Newcomer or person you know least

- Older person

- Woman (traditionally the MIP in social settings)

WORTH REMEMBERING – Introductions:

Make and maintain eye contact as appropriate to the setting and culture.

Speak slowly and clearly.

Stand for an introduction (in order to be equal).

When possible, provide some information about each person you

introduce if their identity is not clear to the other party. This will help to

facilitate conversation.

Repeat the name of the person to whom you are introduced. (It will help

you to remember the name.)

Politely correct your name or title if it is given incorrectly in an

introduction.

Don’t skip an introduction if you have forgotten someone’s name. Make

an attempt and hope that someone will help you. You’ll make points for

trying.

Refrain from making unnecessary hand or arm gestures.

Make eye contact and shake hands when introduced.

If you use an honorific for one party, use for both --Mr., Mrs., Dr., Miss,

Ms.--Be consistent.

Don’t use a person’s first name until you are invited to do so.

Don’t use an honorific (Mr., Mrs., Dr.) when introducing your spouse.

Say, instead, ―This is George (with last name, if different from your own),

my husband.‖

Don’t play introduction ping pong. Avoid: ―Mr. Jones, I would like you to

meet Ms. Smith; Ms. Smith, this is Mr. Jones.‖ Try to say each party’s

name only once.

Make quick, informal introductions when a newcomer joins your group

conversation and mention the topic you have been discussing.




GENDER-NEUTRAL COURTESY

Courtesy and kindness are gender-free. People respect people in every walk of

life, and courtesy is on duty everywhere and at all times. These general guidelines may

help you to raise your Courtesy IQ:

Assisting with a Coat – Everyone helps a person who is struggling with a

coat or wrap.

Paying for a Meal – The host pays for the meal, regardless of gender.

Standing – In business, both men and women stand when a superior enters

a meeting room, when greeting a client or colleague at a conference or

dining table, and when meeting new people.

Helping With a Chair – In a business setting, it is not necessary for a man

to assist a woman with her chair. However, when a participant of either

gender is elderly, incapacitated or needs help in any way, a man or a

woman should step in to assist.

Assisting with materials/luggage – Both men and women should offer to

help a colleague, client or anyone who is carrying packages, luggage or

meeting materials.

Historic Courtesies That Many Men Continue to Observe:

Women continue to work to achieve and maintain equal status with men in all

walks of life, but in spite of the feminist revolution many men continue to extend certain

traditional courtesies to the women in their personal and professional lives. Women

should accept these courtesies graciously, without feeling slighted or offended, and they

should be equally courteous to all people in their public or private lives. Don’t offend or

embarrass a male business colleague or client by refusing certain courtesies, although the

following examples should be reserved for social situations:

Historic Courtesies:

♂Men allow women to precede them when walking in a narrow area or going

through a door.

♂Men walk on the street or curb side of a sidewalk when accompanying a

woman.

♂A man may offer his arm to a woman for support when walking on uneven

ground, steps or other hazardous areas, but he should not grasp her elbow or arm

to steer her in a particular direction.

♂A man always opens a door for a woman.

♂Men enter a revolving door first when it is not moving.

♂Men enter a taxi before a woman.




NETWORKING ETIQUETTE TIPS

Many articles and speakers tell us that networking is the necessary evil of

expanding our contacts base in order to promote ourselves and our companies. But why

look at it as a painful procedure? Networking is communicating, which we do every day,

so we already possess the skills required to succeed. If you want to become more

comfortable and proficient when networking, adopt some of the following strategies that

networking experts share in their lectures and literature the next time you attend an event

or gathering.

BEFORE

When you receive an invitation to an event, respond! It’s rude not to do so.

Have a reason to attend an event. If you attend because you are a member, want to

hear a speaker, support a cause, are seeking more information about an industry,

or have an interest in the venue, you’ll be more comfortable and engaged.

Do your homework. Learn as much as you can about the event, host, speakers or

honorees, other attendees, the occasion, etc.

Identify your goals for the event (i.e., meet 10 new people, learn more about the

host organization, improve your conversation skills.) Your primary goal should

not be to distribute your business card.

If you suspect that you will be uncomfortable, plan to arrive at beginning of an

event. It is easier to wade into a small group of attendees than to dive into a sea of

people.

Prepare your ―speech‖ in two parts: a short, pithy statement of about you, your

interests, your job-hunt goal, or your company, etc., and follow-up information that

you will share when someone shows interest in hearing more.

DURING

Remember that your #1 goal is to connect, not to sell.

Turn off your cell phone.

If you attend with a colleague, split up. You’ll meet more people.

Practice active listening and appropriate eye contact.

Listen more than you speak.

Ask open-ended questions.

Wear a name badge if they are provided.

Use and remember names.

Don’t spend too much time with one individual.

Food and beverage are not your primary focus.

Use polite exit strategies to leave a conversation (i.e., refresh your drink, make a

call, locate a colleague, consult with an individual from a particular organization.)

Distribute business cards after connecting with individuals and only if there is a

reason to share your contact information.

Thank the host before you leave, if possible.




AFTER

Make notes about contacts you have made.

Review your ―networking performance.‖ How can you improve?

Follow Up. If you have offered to share something with someone (i.e.,

information, a telephone number, a link to a web site, an introduction, your

contact information) or you have offered to get in touch later, do so. One of the

most important networking goals is to build your reputation as a responsible and

caring individual.

Send a handwritten thank-you note to you host, if appropriate. This won’t be

necessary for every event you attend, but it is a way to cement a connection.

BUSINESS HOSPITALITY

On many occasions, your professional responsibilities will take you out of an

office or away from a job site and you will be faced with the challenge of conducting

business in a social environment. Regardless of your role as host or guest on these

occasions, you will be more confident, comfortable and successful in building business

relationships if your manners measure up. Your goal is to recognize and respect social

conventions, demonstrate polished manners and make others feel comfortable when they

spend time with you.

HOST RESPONSIBILITIES

A host must take charge of the occasion to which he/she has invited guests, in

order to make them feel welcome and comfortable. When you serve as host for a

gathering, you must be organized and definitive about the agenda and all arrangements,

so that everything runs smoothly and no one is guessing about what to do or where to sit.

WORTH REMEMBERING – Host’s Responsibilities

Place the call yourself when you invite a friend, colleague or client to dine with

you. Don’t schedule through third parties.

Confirm with guest the day before your meeting and provide the address and

directions to restaurant or meeting site.

If you entertain often, work with a facility where you know you can count on the

food, service and a comfortable environment.

Ask guests about dietary restrictions/preferences when extending an invitation.

Visit a dining site ahead of time and select an appropriate table and reserve it.

Arrive early, before your guest.

Don’t order a drink or remove your napkin before your guest arrives.

Place your guest to your right at the best seat at the table, facing the center or the

room or the view and away from distractions. This is a better arrangement than

sitting across from one another.




Do not begin to talk serious issues or business immediately; begin with small talk

about the guest’s interests.

When entertaining a group, make certain to greet each guest individually and

insure that everyone feels included in introductions and conversation.

Give your guest cues about which foods/beverages and what quantities/courses

you will be ordering.

Be the first to place your napkin in your lap and drink or eat; your guest will be

watching you for cues.

Arrange in advance to pay bill away from table or to make certain that bill will be

presented to you.

When entertaining in your home, make certain that it will be easy for guests to

park and get into your home. Consider the needs of guests who have physical

disabilities, and be considerate of neighbors who may be affected.

GUEST RESPONSIBILITIES

You will be invited to a social or business dining event for one or more of the

following reasons, not because your host thinks you are hungry or thirsty:

To express thanks for your friendship or business

As a friendly gesture in order to become better acquainted

The host thinks you have something to contribute

It is your responsibility to be an appreciative and cooperative guest. Do your homework

before attending a business gathering by learning something about our host, the group or

organization he/she represents, other guests who will attend, the location of the gathering

and the occasion and agenda.

WORTH REMEMBERING – Guest Responsibilities

Respond to every invitation (yes or no) and respond quickly. Don’t leave your

host guessing.

Arrive on time, but not extremely early.

Greet your host first, but don’t monopolize his/her time when there are other

guests present.

Introduce yourself to others/don’t wait for others to do this for you.

Mingle with and speak to all guests. Don’t spend all your time talking to people

you know. Meet as many new people as possible.

Don’t order the most expensive item on the menu. Take cues from your host.

Don’t order alcohol at a luncheon or dinner that is part of a job interview. On

other business occasions when alcohol is served, order wine and avoid hard

liquor.

Always offer to pay for your share of a meal (and be prepared to pay), even when

you think that your host will be paying.




Send a hand-written thank you note to your host within 48 hours while details are

fresh in your memory. Email and telephone messages may be acceptable to many,

but they put you in the ―ordinary‖ category.

ATTENDING A FUNCTION IN A PRIVATE HOME

There may be occasions when you are invited to a business colleague’s or

superior’s home for a meal. Be a gracious guest by following these guidelines:

● Respond to an invitation (yes or no) as quickly as possible.

● When accepting an invitation, politely tell your host if you are a vegetarian or

have dietary restrictions due to religion or health. You would never mention food

preferences.

● Arrive on time, not early.

● Bring a small gift to the host or hostess such as flowers in a vase, a gourmet

treat or a bottle of wine (to be consumed at a later date). Do your homework or

ask for advice to insure that your gift is appropriate for your host and for the

occasion.

● Don’t sit down until invited to do so. Your host may have a seating plan in

mind.

● Taste all dishes that are served unless you have religious or health restrictions.

● After using the powder room, leave it clean.

● Don’t enter a room that is not part of the function.

● Don’t overstay your welcome. Watch for cues from your host and other guests

to determine when it is time to leave.

● As you leave, shake hands and thank your host/hostess for inviting you. In a

large gathering, you may have to find your host in the crowd. Don’t leave

without doing so.

● Shake hands with guests near the door as you leave, and make a special effort to

shake hands with a guest of honor and with people you have met for the first

time.

● Send a hand-written thank you note to your host within 48 hours of your visit.

PLEASE BE SEATED

You will dine with distinction, confidence and very little stress once you have

mastered some basic rules of table etiquette. These rules should be on exhibit at every

meal, in every setting and with every companion. If you use these skills regularly, you

will never be uncertain or uncomfortable on a special occasion. When it is time to take

your seat at a dining table, remember these simple rules of etiquette:

A guest of honor is seated to the host’s right at the best (most comfortable) seat at

the table.

Stand behind your chair and get others at your table before sitting down.




In social (not business) settings, a man should assist a woman seated to his right

with her chair (and a woman to his left if no one is assisting her.)

Enter a chair from its right side (your left side enters the chair first).

Introduce yourself and speak with guests on your right and left.

On social occasions, women may remain seated and men should stand when an

acquaintance joins the group.

Men to the right and left of a woman should stand when she leaves a dining table

in social settings only. This is not required in business situations.

Don’t place a cell phone on a dining table. It should remain in your pocket,

handbag or briefcase. If it rings during the meal, apologize without checking the

display and turn it off.

Don’t place personal belongings on a dining table (handbag, medication

container).

Don’t re-arrange place cards on a table to suit your personal preference.

Help others at your table who may need assistance.

Sit up straight at the table and rest only wrists--not arms or elbows--on the table.

Cut one piece of food at a time, eat it, then cut another.

Take small bites of food and chew with your mouth closed.

Wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before taking a sip of a

beverage.

Remove an object such as a bone or gristle from your mouth with your thumb and

index finger and place it on the rim of your plate, not into your napkin or under

your plate.

Don’t try to remove food from your teeth at the table. If something is caught in

your teeth, excuse yourself and take care of the problem away from the table.

Don’t overload your plate or utensil.

Don’t speak with food in your mouth.

Don’t spread your elbows when cutting your food. Keep them close to your sides.

Don’t cut meat in a back-and-forth, sawing motion. Stroke your knife toward

you.

Don’t reach across the table or across another person to get something out of

reach. Ask the person who is close to the item to pass it to you.

If you must cough or sneeze while at table, turn away from the table and cough

into your shoulder or elbow. You should excuse yourself from the table for a

prolonged coughing spell or to blow your nose.

DINING DYNAMICS

Your dining skills will become increasingly important as you enter new social and

business arenas. You may be invited to dine with the parents of your significant other, a

job interviewer or with colleagues and clients. On these occasions, your dining

companions may be evaluating your potential. Remember that your primary focus in

these situations is not on food, but rather on presenting yourself with confidence and

accomplishing the goals of the gathering. You are dining to build relationships. Don’t let

poor dining skills sabotage the outcome of the experience.




WORTH REMEMBERING – General Dining:

Slow down and take time to look at the dining room, the table, your place setting,

and what your host and others are doing and how they are behaving.

In most instances, it is polite to wait for your host or hostess to unfold the napkin,

sip a beverage, or take a bite before you begin. This may not always be the case

in a business environment. Use your judgment.

As a guest, you may be asked to order first. Ask others at the table what they

recommend to help you determine which courses you should order. You may

always order less food than others in group, but you should try not to order more.

In stressful dining situations, order foods that you know how to eat.

When dining in an ethnic restaurant whose cuisine you do not know, don’t be

uncomfortable with asking others for advice on what to order.

Eat and drink in moderation. In most cultures, no one is offended if you leave

food on your plate, but you are offensive if you overeat or drink too much.

Don’t feel pressured to drink alcohol or to eat anything that because of your

religion, health or habit you choose not to eat. However, in order not to offend

your host, you should taste dishes that have been prepared especially for the

occasion if they do not conflict with your religion or health concerns.

Don’t offer your food to others or ask to sample a companion’s food when dining

with someone for the first time.

Don’t take leftovers away from a lunch or dinner unless dining with close friends

or family.

Don’t take a centerpiece or other table decorations as you leave unless they are

offered by your host.




PLACE SETTINGS

The letters ―BMW” will help you to remember the correct placement of dishes

and glassware in your place setting. Just as you read these letters on paper from left to

right, mentally superimpose them left to right over your place setting as a basic map of

your dining territory:

―B‖ ―M” ―W‖

on the left is for in the Middle on the right is for

Bread plate for Main course Water and Wine




Napkin

Take your napkin from the table and place it in your lap when you host has done

so. If no host, place your napkin in your lap soon after you are seated.

Take the napkin from the table and unfold it below the table edge and place it in

your lap. If it is large, leave it folded in half with the fold facing your waist.

Use your napkin to blot your mouth, not to wipe your mouth or face.

Place the napkin on your chair if you leave the table for a short period, not on the

table.

If you drop your napkin, don’t pick it up from the floor. Ask the server for

another.

Never place food that you have removed from your mouth into your napkin.

Don’t touch your nose with your napkin.

Place your napkin to the left side of your plate at the end of your meal. Don’t re-

fold it completely.

Service Plate

The service plate is normally in the center of your place setting when you are

seated. It is not the plate that your food will be served on. It may hold your napkin, a

program for the event, a menu card or a place card. Place the napkin in your lap, the

menu card or program to one side and the place card above your plate. The waiter will

either place the first course onto this service plate or will remove it before serving the

first course.

Utensils

As a rule, utensils are arranged on the table in the order in which you will use

them, moving from the outside in toward the service plate. Forks are placed to the left of

the plate and knives and spoons to the right. If you see a fork and spoon placed above

your plate, they are to be used for dessert. You may receive additional pieces of

silverware as various courses are served. In most restaurants today, a minimum number

of utensils will be on the table when you sit down, and other pieces will arrive with

specific dishes that you order.

To decide which utensil to use for each course, study your place setting and use

pieces on the outside first and move in toward your plate. You may also follow the lead

of your host or table companions. Take your time and watch others when you are

uncertain.

WORTH REMEMBERING - Utensils:

Utensils that have been used should not placed on the table or tablecloth.

If you drop a utensil, don’t pick it up. Ask the server for another.

Don’t gesture with utensils when in conversation at the table.




Glassware

Glasses are placed above and to the right of the service plate in the order they will

be used, right to left (outside-in). In most restaurants today, only a water glass is placed

on the table before you have ordered specific beverages. At catered luncheons and

dinners and at meals in private homes, you will find some of the glasses mentioned below

at your place setting when you sit down. They will be used in the order that they are

arranged, moving from the outside glass in toward the plate.

Sherry (small stem) – served with soup course (rarely used today)

White wine (medium-size stem)

Red Wine (large stem)

Water (largest stem) – placed slightly behind the wine glasses

Champagne (narrow flute) – to the right or behind water glass; served with dessert

WORTH REMEMBERING - Glassware:

White wine, red wine and champagne glasses are held by the stem.

Don’t turn over a glass or cup to indicate that you do not wish to receive that

beverage. Simply place your hand over the top of either to indicate your

preference and say ―No, thank you‖ to the server.

Don’t hold a glass up as a signal to a waiter that you need a beverage.

Don’t clink glasses during a toast at a business function.

Look into a glass, not over the rim, while drinking.

Bread Plate

Set to the upper left side of your service plate

Take butter and place it on the bread plate before spreading it on your bread.

Break, don’t cut, one small piece of bread at a time and butter it while holding it

over your bread plate.

If you are provided with a butter spreader, use it to put butter on a roll or bread,

not your dinner knife.

If your dining companion uses your bread plate, don’t call attention to his/her

error. Discreetly ask the server for another plate or proceed without one.

Soup Plate or Soup Cup

Soup is served on most occasions in a shallow soup plate with a plate beneath.

When the level of the soup remaining in the plate is shallow and your spoon will scrape

the bottom noisily, you may tip the plate away from you by lifting the rim nearest to you

and spooning the soup away from you. When you finish soup served in a shallow soup

plate, you may leave the spoon in the soup plate.




Picture your soup plate as the face of a clock and dip your soup spoon in at the top

of the plate (12 o’clock), dipping away from yourself. Draw the bottom of the

spoon over the rim of the soup plate to prevent drips.

Continue to sit up relatively straight while the spoon travels up to your mouth

(your mouth does not move down to the spoon.)

Sip the soup from the edge of the spoon. Don’t put the entire spoon into your

mouth.

You may leave your spoon in a soup plate (large, shallow bowl) between bites

and when you finish, but never leave a spoon in a soup cup.

Never place a soup spoon (or any utensil) on the table after it has been used.

Soup may be served in a cup with one or two handles with a saucer beneath. You

may begin to eat the soup with a spoon and finish by picking up the cup by the one

handle or by both handles and drinking it. Not many people know that this is appropriate,

so use your spoon to finish the soup if you are not comfortable with picking up the cup

and feel that this practice may be misunderstood.

Cup and Saucer

Place your index finger through a cup handle. Support the cup by placing your

thumb on top of the handle and your middle finger under the handle. (Don’t pinch

the cup handle between you thumb and first two fingers.)

Don’t extend your pinky finger.

Don’t make noise with your spoon while stirring in a cup.

After stirring a beverage, place the spoon on the saucer or other plate.

Never leave a spoon in a cup; always place it in the saucer.

Don’t move a teabag up and down in your cup. When the tea is strong enough to

suit your taste, remove the bag and place it on your saucer or in the small

container provided. Never wrap the string around a teabag and squeeze the

remaining liquid into your cup.

Salt and Pepper

Don’t add salt and pepper to your food before tasting it.

Always pass salt and pepper containers together, never one without the other.

Place the salt and pepper containers on the table near the person who has

requested them, and not into his/her hand.

Don’t reach to the left or right beyond your place setting for salt and pepper (or

for anything!) Ask your table companions to pass what you need. You may reach

for items that are directly in front of you.

Finger Bowl

When attending a formal dinner or an event with an international guest list, you

may be surprised by the arrival of a finger bowl following the main course and before

dessert. You will take it in your stride because the secrets are revealed to you here.




The finger bowl will be served on a dessert plate with a paper doily placed under

the bowl and on top of the plate. Half-filled with tepid water, the bowl may have a fresh

flower or lemon slice (for decoration only!) floating in the water. Dip your fingers in

daintily, one hand at a time, and dry them on your napkin below the table edge. When

you have finished, lift the finger bowl AND THE DOILY (but not the plate beneath) and

place them at the upper left side of your place setting. Leave the dessert plate in front of

you; the waiter will serve your dessert on this plate. A dessert fork and spoon may be on

the plate beneath the finger bowl, and these should be removed immediately and placed

to the right (spoon) and left (fork) of the plate. On occasion, a finger bowl may arrive

earlier in the meal following a particularly messy course. Follow the same procedure.

DINING STYLES

As you encounter formal dining situations and dine with colleagues from other

cultures, you will observe that not everyone uses utensils in the same manner. America is

one of the few countries where diners move the fork to the right hand after cutting food.

Most cultures do not move utensils from hand to hand for cutting and eating food, some

do not use Western utensils and others use no utensils at all. As you strive to become a

global citizen, practice other styles of eating so that you will be comfortable and

confident in any dining environment.

American Style

Hold the knife in your right hand with your index finger on the handle,

overlapping the blade no more than one inch. This provides leverage

for cutting.

Cut food in one direction only by drawing the knife toward you; do not

use a back-and-forth, sawing motion.

Hold the fork, tines down, in your left hand with your index finger on

the handle.

Cut only one piece of food at a time.




After cutting, place the knife on the right edge of your plate with the

blade facing the center of the plate.

Move the fork to your right hand and hold it like a pencil. Move your fork

to your mouth, not vice versa.

A knife should never touch or enter your mouth.

Place utensils on the plate when not in use, not on the table.

Silent Service Code -- American Style

There are visual cues called the Silent Service Code that are universally

understood and signal others when you have finished a course or your meal. Visualize

your plate as the face of a clock and place your utensils according to these guidelines to

indicate the status of your meal.

Rest position: The fork is placed in the 4 o’clock position (handle pointing to 4 if

your plate were the face of clock), and the knife is placed on the upper right edge of the

plate with the blade facing in toward the center of the plate (space between these two

utensils). Use this position when you are talking, drinking, using your napkin or if you

leave the table temporarily and want to finish your food when you return.

Finished Position: When you have finished a course or the meal, place your fork

and knife side-by-side in the 4 o’clock position (handles pointing toward 4 on the face of

the clock). The tines of the fork are pointed up and the cutting edge of the knife is

pointing toward the center of the plate.




European Style

Use the fork in your left hand (with your index finger on the back of the handle)

to hold food in place while the knife in your right hand cuts one piece of food at a

time.

Leave the fork in your left hand, tines down, and bring food to your mouth by

pivoting your wrist and raising your forearm to bring food to your mouth.

You may use the knife, which remains in your right hand, to push small portions

of food onto the tines of the fork.

When eating food that cannot be pierced by the tines of a fork, it is permissible to

turn the fork over, hold it like a pencil in your left hand, use your knife to move

food onto the bed of the fork and move the food to your mouth. This will take

some practice.

A knife should never touch or enter your mouth.

Place utensils on the plate when not in use, not on the table. Used utensils should

never be placed on the table.

Silent Service Code -- European Style:

There are visual cues called the Silent Service Code that are universally

understood and signal to others when you have finished a course or your meal. Visualize

your plate as the face of a clock and place your utensils according to these guidelines to

indicate the progress of your meal.




Rest position: The knife is placed with its handle pointing to the 4 o’clock

position and fork with its tines down and its handle pointing toward the 8 o’clock

position, is placed overlapping the knife blade (utensils create an X on plate). Use this

position when you are talking, drinking, using your napkin or when you leave the table

temporarily.

Finished Position: When you have finished a course or the meal, place your fork

and knife together in the 4 o’clock position. The tines of the fork are pointed down and

the cutting edge of the knife is toward the center of the plate.

Chopsticks

Keep the bottom chopstick stationary by resting it on your third (ring) finger at

the first knuckle and the web of skin between your thumb and index finger. Press

the lower part of your thumb against it to secure it in place. (You should be able

to wiggle the top portion of your thumb.)

Hold and move the top chopstick like a pencil.

Bring the points of the two chopsticks together to pinch and pick up food.

If taking food with chopsticks from communal serving dish, turn sticks around

and use the wide end to pick up food and place it on your plate.

Place used chopsticks on a chopstick rest or edge of plate, not on the table or

tablecloth.

(Soup in an Asian meal is eaten with a wide, porcelain spoon.)

Hands As Utensils

In many countries and ethnic restaurants, food is eaten with the hands. In Afghan,

Indian and other cultures, it is appropriate to use the right hand to pick up food and place

it in the mouth. (Remember, in many countries the left hand is considered unclean.) In

Asian countries, it is customary to use the hand to pick up large pieces of food and to take

small bites and return the piece to the plate. Do your homework before attending an

international gathering, and watch your host and other diners for cues. Also, don’t be

afraid to ask questions.




FOOD SERVICE

Buffet Service

Don’t put large amounts of food on a plate or carry two plates at once.

Don’t put all your courses on the same plate. (For example: return to the buffet

for dessert after you have eaten the main course.)

Don’t taste food from your plate or from the table while standing at the buffet.

Don’t carry on lengthy conversations at the buffet service table. You may be

blocking access for other guests.

Offer to help others who may have difficulty serving themselves.

Seated Service

At tables of eight or more guests, it is not necessary to wait for all guests to be

served before beginning to eat. You may begin when others seated near you are

served.

Food is served from the left and removed from the right side of each diner.

Beverages are served and removed from the right.

Pass food to the right whenever practical.

French service may require you to serve yourself from a serving tray

held by a waiter. Use both utensils on the tray to take a moderate amount

of food and place it on your plate.

Restaurant Dining

Don’t ask the waiter to describe every ingredient in several dishes you are

considering unless you have serious food allergies.

People do not respect diners who are rude to restaurant staff or any service

personnel. Be polite and considerate, but it is not necessary to thank a server

every time something is placed in front of you.

Complaining makes others uncomfortable. If your order is incorrect, politely point

it out to the server so that it can be corrected. Invite companions to begin eating

while you wait for a correction to be made.

If timing is off and your companion’s food arrives before yours, encourage

him/her to begin eating. If yours arrives before his/hers, stall before beginning to

eat or ask the waiter to hold your meal until all can be served.




TOP 12 ETIQUETTE MISTAKES

1. Failing to put the comfort of others before your own

2. Tardiness/Arriving late

3. Failing to respond to an invitation

4. Crude dining skills

5. Failing to send a handwritten thank you note

6. A poor handshake

7. Mishandling or skipping introductions

8. Lack of cell phone courtesy

9. Foul language

10. Poor listening skills

11. ―Me‖ mania – Too much talking about oneself

12. Dressing inappropriately for important occasions




ETIQUETTE BIBLIOGRAPHY

SOCIAL ETIQUETTE RESOURCES

Emily Post’s Etiquette; (16th edition); HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.; Peggy Post; 1997. ISBN0-

06-270078-2.

Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct; P.M. Forni; St. Martin’s

Griffin; 2002. ISBN 0-312-30250-9.

Essential Manners For Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why; Peter Post; Harper Resource;

2003. ISBN 0-06-053980-1.

BUSINESS ETIQUETTE RESOURCES

Business Protocol: Contemporary American Practice; David Robinson; Atomic Dog Publishing;

2003. ISBN 1-931442-91-6.

Easy Writer: A Pocket Guide (Third Edition); Andrea Lunsford; Bedford/St. Martin’s; 2006.

The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional Success; Peggy Post and

Peter Post; HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.; 1999. ISBN 0-06-273672-8.

Five Steps To Professional Presence: How to Project Confidence, Competence, and Credibility at

Work; Susan Bixler and Lisa Scherrer Dugan; Adams Media Corporation; 2001. ISBN 1-58062-

442-1.

Multicultural Manners: Essential Rules of Etiquette for the 21st Century; Norine Dresser; John

Wiley & Sons, Inc.; 2005. ISBN 0-471-68428-7.

New Rules @ Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead;

Barbara Pachter with Ellen Schneid Coleman; Prentice Hall Press; 2006. ISBN 0-7352-0407-1.

Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook; Barbara Pachter and Marjorie Brody;

Prentice Hall; 1995. ISBN 0-13-156951-1.

INTERNATIONAL PROTOCOL RESOURCES

China Now: Doing Business in the World’s Most Dynamic Market; N. Mak Lam and John L.

Graham; 2007. ISBN 13-978-0-07-147254-8.

Chinese Business Etiquette; Scott Seligman; Warner Business Books; 1999. ISBN 0-6-67387-0.

Do’s and Taboos Around the World; Roger E. Axtell; John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 1993. ISBN 0-

471-59528-4.

Do’s and Taboos Around the World for Women in Business; Roger E. Axtell; Tami Briggs,

Margaret Corcoran, Mary Beth Lamb; John Wiley & Sons; 1997. ISBN 0-471-14364-2.

Dunn and Bradstreet’s Guide to Doing Business Around the World; Terri Morrison, Wayne A.

Conaway, Joseph J. Douress; Prentice Hall; 1997. ISBN 0-13-531484-4.

Global Etiquette Guide to Mexico and Latin America; Dean Foster; John Wiley & Sons, Inc.;

2002. ISBN0-471-41851-X. (Other titles in the series: Asia; Europe; Africa and the Middle

East.).

Kiss, Bow, Or Shake Hands; Terri Morrison and Wayne A. Conaway; Adams Media; 2006. ISBN

1-59337-368-6.

Passport to Success: The Essential Guide to Business Culture and Customs in America’s Largest

Trading Partners; Jeanette S. Martin and Lillian H. Chaney; Praeger Publishers; 2008. ISBN 02-

75997162.

Web Sites - (international protocol, cultural, geographic, financial and political information)

www.executiveplanet.com www.ediplomat.com

www.cia.gov – The World Fact Book. www.kissboworshakehands.com

www.state.gov – Country Notes. www.kwintessential.co.uk

http://www.executiveplanet.com/

http://www.ediplomat.com/

http://www.cia.gov/

http://www.state.gov/

http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/

Business Etiquette Essentials

Documents