BRITCHAT JANUARY 2010

Living outside the UK?UK Pension Fund Concerns!

NewsEventsBrit Fun GolfMoto GP CompetitionValencia LiveEmotional Acupuncture The Year of the BorjaEating Out ChatValencia BaroqueUK Pensions ChatLimescale FixesPet Chat FeatureClassified Adverts

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Editor’s Chat

ContentsJanuary 2010

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Editor’s ChatValencia LiveNewsYear of the BorjaEating Out ChatValencia BaroqueEmotional AcupunctureNewsEventsUK Pensions ChatNews Limescale FixesPet Chat FeatureCompetition ChatGolfBrit FunMoto GPClassified AdvertsMore Brit Fun

The EditorChris Proctor

Tel: 687 486 909

[email protected]

Apt. Correos 138

46192 Montserrat

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Valencia City definitely has a bit of something for everyone, so this month we’re looking at a few places in the city where you can find a bit of live music and dance, for many tastes. So, get out those dancing shoes and get ready to lose some of that crimbo extra weight!Throughout the city you’ll find venues offering live music, from small pubs offering music once a week, to bigger, purpose built venues with big names and big crowds.One of the most popular and famous venues in Valencia must be Heineken’s Greenspace near the port. Lot’s of famous bands have played here, they do festivals from a huge range of genres and they also sell one of the finest bottled beers known to man. This is a concert feel place. Check it out at ....www.heinekengreenspace.es If you’re looking for a small, intimate type of venue to watch some cool local music, The Black Note is worth a look. Just off Aragon, it’s open mon-sat from 10.30pm to 3am and do a bit of everything music wise. You can check out their forthcoming gigs at www.myspace.com/blacknotevalencia Prepare to stay up late folks. But this is Valencia after all, and as we know, nothing opens before 9pm, not even the restaurants!The Wah Wah is another well known and respected small music venue, directly on Blasco Ibanez in the city. Again, varying types of music, late starts and pretty decently priced beers. Find out more at ...www.wahwahclub.comOver in the Carmen district, you’ll find the Jimmy Glass Jazz Bar in C/Baja. Jazz on every other Tuesday night, usually a bit earlier to start, around 9.30pm. www.jimmyglassjazz.net

If you’re a metal head, or just like a bit of good old loud music, El Asesino in Pz Cedro (just off Blasco Ibanez) is the place to go for live music. Stuff on throughout the month, you can check out the listing at www.elasesino.com Not for the faint hearted, >>>

Out & AbOut ChAt

>>> black t-shirts are the dress code.

Ok, I hear you shout, what about traditional music and the like, we don’t want that young people nonsense!! Well, there are plenty of places where you will find live flamenco shows weekly.

At La Buleria you’ll find the whole experience – wine, food, song and dance. Just 500m from the City of Arts & Sciences in Calle Obispo Jaime Perez, its open every Friday and Saturday, and you need to book in advance. Check it out here www.labuleria.com

Another venue specializing in flamenco if Café del Duende, in calle Turia. Open Wednesday to Saturday, they offer both classic and modern Valencian Flamenco, as well as other specialist evenings. The website: www.cafedelduende.com Both the above sites are also in English, so that’s pretty handy too.

If you are more of a classical fan, you’ve got the fantastic Palau de la Musica and the Palau de les Arts to visit. Palau de la Musica hosts classical, orchestra, flamenco, jazz and lots more events throughout the year. You can find their website here: www.palaudevalencia.com Sadly, and pretty stoopidly if you ask me, it’s only in Spanish, but if you contact the tourist office in Valencia, they’ll be able to tell you more about what’s on.Palau de les Arts – that’s the new big cool looking one in the City of Arts & Sciences, thankfully, is a bit smarter than the average bear, and has it’s website available in English (yay) .....

www.lesarts.com Classical music, stage arts, ballet and more. I still cannot grasp how Calatrava got that place to stand with it’s shape……

Valencia Live!

As I have said before, Valencia is the type of city which just begs to be discovered.

Whether it’s a sloppy night out listening to music and supping a few beers, or a big night out in a posh venue, they’re all there for you. These are just a few of the places that put on live stuff, in a city full of small bars and venues. Whichever part of the city you find yourself in, you won’t be too far from a live venue. Just ask around.

Don’t make the mistake I did once, though, of going to a comedy night in Spanish. I thought it would be a good tester of my Spanish knowledge – ah, well, it may have been, if the comedians weren’t all speaking in Valenciano!! Haa, oh it was entertaining.

Anyway, until next month, enjoy!!

This article was contributed to BRICHAT & Guide2Valencia by Lang Hunter.

See the advert for “LB WEB Solutions”.

(Band photos taken at Wah Wah)

Out & AbOut ChAt And news

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>>> Government introduced legislation in 2006 which currently permits restaurants and smaller bars of less than 100-sq meters to choose whether to allow smoking on the premises or not. Not surprising, very few if any establishments chose to ban smoking completely and with reassurances from the Government on 2006’s new legislation, proprietors provided a separate closed-off area for smokers, usually behind a glass wall, at their own expense.

That’s all due to change as in yet another change of policy, Health Minister Trinidad Jiménez has confirmed that all premises must be non-smoking however this will not extend to open air areas, such as restaurant terraces and sports stadiums, where smoking will still be permitted.

There was no clue from the Minister on precisely when in 2010 the absolute ban will be implemented. Jiménez has commented that discussions are in their final phase, with major support amongst politicians.

The changes have been roundly criticised by the hostelry sector, as they fear that the drop in profits will see a sharp drop and many businesses may be forced to close. Many feel deceived by the Government and are very unhappy with this policy change as three years ago the industry spent an estimated eleven million euros installing extractor fans and partition walls, at their own expense; an exercise that has proved to be a complete waste of money and resources for the trade.

In a radio interview with Rac1, the Minister said that the government’s decision is essentially based on protecting health and said she believes that Spain is ‘culturally prepared’ for stricter measures to be adopted. Outsiders would wonder why it’s taken three more years for the Spanish to adapt when the rest of Europe managed to adapt to the culture change overnight! If empty pubs in Ireland and Great Britain are anything to go by, the same thing is almost guaranteed to follow suit in Spain.

For those living along the Costa Blanca and Costa del Sol, stepping outside to smoke might not be too much of a hardship due to our kinder winter climate, but that is certainly not the case on a wet and winter day in Barcelona, Madrid, Granada, central or northern Spain. Zapatero refused to admit for a long time that Spain was suffering from an economic crises. Sadly, this complete lack of foresight has already cost the hostelry industry millions in terms of internal investment. It seems that businesses, jobs and trade will now also be lost as part of their lack of positive decision-making.

In Torrevieja alone there are over 50 bars, cafes or restaurants up for sale owned by expats and another 60 or so offered by just one local web site, by Spanish owners. What the new law shall do to help these premises sell their business, remains to be seen.

‘Culturally prepared’? You be the judge!

Keith Nicol

NEWSMore Bar closures

expected as complete smoking bans are

introduced for 2010.Not only is it drinking up time for many of Spain’s pubs and restaurants, but the feared plan for a complete ban of smoking in public interior spaces looks to become law in the very near future.

In another example of the trendy, but often anaemic and undecided policy making, the PSOE >>>

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seAsOnAl ChAt

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actividades para conmemorar este evento. Esta será una oportunidad única para descubrir, los fantásticos, aunque no muy conocidos, m o n u m e n t o s históricos de esta ciudad, así como sus alrededores y fantásticas playas. Una razón para llegar a conocer a fondo la capital de la Safor y los orígenes de esta distinguida familia.No debéis perderos los muchos y fantásticos edificios de gran interés arquitectónico, que incluyen Las Escuelas Pías, uno de los más importantes exponentes del centro histórico y también el “Palau Ducal”. Este último, fue la residencia de la dinastía de los Duques de Borja y es conocido también bajo el nombre de Palacio de los Borja. Además de los ya mencionados, disfrutaréis la Colegiata de Santa María y el Torreón, cuya edificación fue encargada por uno de los Borja y es uno de los pocos vestigios que quedan de la muralla medieval de la ciudad.Gandia goza de una situación envidiable, con las cercanas playas del Nord, Venecia y Rafalcaid, que ofrecen una variada gama de deportes acuáticos y la oportunidad de relajarse mientras se degustan los platos típicos en alguno de los muchos restaurantes de la zona o simplemente disfrutar del benigno clima. En sus alrededores existen lugares de gran belleza que incluyen, entre otros, el Parque municipal Parpallo-Borrell, con enclaves tan interesantes, histórica y culturalmente, como la cueva del Parpalló y como no, la Marjal, un parque natural y un ecosistema de gran importancia.Algunas de las actividades organizadas para Enero incluyen La Música de la Dinastía Borja a cargo de Jordi Savall, una serie de conciertos que se celebrarán el 4 y 6 de Enero. El 12 de Enero asistiremos a la presentación de la experiencia audiovisual titulada Les Petjades de Sant Frances de Borja, mientras que el 15 de Enero, el artista Santiago Mollá inaugurará su exposición consistente en diferentes cartas que reflexionan sobre el mundo de los Borja. Aseguraros de tomar nota de todas estas actividades, por que Gandia ha preparado un calendario anual de eventos increíblemente interesantes para todos...No os los perdáis!

In 2010, Gandia will be celebrating the 5th centenary of the birth of Francisco de Borja y Aragón (b. Gandia, 1510), the first saint born into one of Valencia’s most famous families, a lineage that governed half the known world from Rome for many years. Throughout the year Gandia will be organising innumerable activities to commemorate the event. This is the perfect opportunity to discover the town’s perhaps little known, but fantastic historic monuments, as well

as the surrounding countryside, the fantastic beaches and really get to know the capital of the La Safor region and the origins of this historically distinguished family.You shouldn’t miss the many fantastic buildings of historical and architectural interest, including the Escuelas Pías, one of the most important buildings in the old town, and the Palau Ducal. The latter was the residence of the dynasty of the Dukes of Borgia, which is why it’s also known as the Palace of the Borgia. As well as these, you’re bound to enjoy the Colegiata de Santa María and El Torreón, commissioned by one of the Borja and one of the remaining vestiges of the town’s ancient mediaeval wall.Gandia is also enviably located with the nearby Nord, Venecia and Rafalcaid beaches, offering a wide range of water sports, the chance to relax while tasting traditional dishes in one of the many restaurants, or simply enjoy the warm weather. There are nearby areas of great beauty which include the Parpalló-Borrell Municipal Nature Park, which are also of great historical and cultural interest, with such interesting sites as the Cueva del Parpalló and the Marjal, a wetlands eco-system of major natural importance.Highlights of the activities organised for January were the La Música de la Dinastía Borja by Jordi Savall, a series of concerts held on 4th and 6th January. 12th January saw the presentation of the audiovisual experience entitled Les Petjades de Sant Frances de Borja, while on 15th January the artist Santiago Mollá opens his exhibition consisting of a number of letters that reflect on the world of the Borja. Although these have gone, don’t worry .....Make sure you take note here, because Gandia has prepared a year-round calendar of incredibly interesting events for you... Don’t miss them!

En 2010 Gandia celebrará el quinto centenario del nacimiento de Francisco de Borja y Aragón (Gandia,1510), el primer santo nacido dentro de una de las más ilustres familias Valencianas, un linaje que gobernó, desde Roma, la mitad del mundo conocido durante muchos años.A lo largo del año 2010, Gandia organizará innumerables

2010 - THE YEAR OF THE BORJA IN GANDIA

Descubrir Gandia en el quinto centenario

del nacimiento de Francisco de Borja

By Chris Proctor

eAting OuteAting Out ChAt

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LEBANESE RESTAURANT AL SULTAN

If you have a taste for exotic food and fancy decoration, please try restaurant AL SULTAN in the area of Avenida Aragon. You won’t be disappointed in the least.

With an Eastern ambience and an A La Carte menu which will send your taste buds flying to the outer space, AL SULTAN has something special to offer to everyone, from meat grilled to perfection to the humble Hummus, and yes, if you fancy Cuscus, there is some in stock as well.

Exotic flavours is what we talk about when we mention this restaurant, and exotic girls as well, if you’re planning to go there over the weekend. On Fridays and Saturdays there is a live belly dancing show and I’m telling you, beware, those girls are really wild!

Afterwards, just chill out with a water pipe with your friends or family. Tell Kazem that you saw his advert in BRITCHAT and you’ll enjoy special attention.

Restaurant AL SULTAN c/ Eolo 4 (on the corner of Edificio Europa in Avda. Aragon 28)For reservations call 96 344 3737

By Cristina Garay

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eAting Out ChAt

RESTAURANTE LIBANES AL SULTAN

Si te gusta la cocina exótica y la decoración espectacular tienes que probar el restaurante AL SULTAN en las proximidades de la Avda Aragón, no vas a quedar decepcionado.

Tiene una decoración egipcia y una carta que va a mandar tus papilas gustativas flotando al espacio exterior. AL SULTAN tiene algo especial que ofrecer para cada comensal .Desde la carne, hecha a la brasa hasta la perfección, hasta el humilde hummus y si, también, si te apetece cuscús, tienen uno de los mejores.

Sabores exóticos es de lo que hablamos aquí cuando mencionamos este restaurante, y también chicas exóticas. Si planeas ir a este restaurante durante el fín de semana. los Viernes y los Sábados tienen un show de danza del vientre en vivo y te aviso: ves preparado

porque son unas chicas... sensuales.

Después, tu sólo relájate con una cachimba con tus amigos o tu familia. Dile a Kazem que vienes de parte de BRITCHAT y te ofrecerá una atención especial.

Restaurante AL SULTAN c/ Eolo 4 (en la esquina del Edificio Europa. Avda Aragon 28)

Reservas: 96 344 3737 Por Cristina Garay

FANCY A TRIP TO THE 1001 NIGHTS?¿TE APETECE UN VIAJE A LAS MIL Y UNA NOCHES?

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Valencia the Glory of the Baroque Period

Culture ChAt

Exposición "La Gloria del Barroco" de La Luz de las Imágenes, en Valencia

La Fundación de la Comunidad Valenciana La Luz de las Imágenes conmemora su décimo aniversario con el regreso a la ciudad de Valencia, donde emprendió su camino de búsqueda, restauración y difusión del patrimonio histórico-artístico de la Comunidad, con una nueva Exposición "La Gloria del Barroco".

Proceso de restauración de La Gloria del BarrocoFecha Inicio: 15-12-2009Fecha Fin: 27-09-2010 Diez años después se celebra en tres de los diez

templos que surgieron alrededor de la catedral: las iglesias de San Esteban Protomártir; San Martín Obispo y San Antonio Abad, y San Juan de la Cruz. Primitivas arquitecturas de devoción y de arte cristiano construidas sobre las antiguas mezquitas que, en los siglos XVII y XVIII, se recubren en lenguaje barroco, como si de una nueva piel se tratara.

La Luz de las Imágenes pone en valor, tras la profunda restauración desarrollada, estas ricas ornamentaciones de estucos, esgrafiados y vibrantes dorados que recobran el esplendor de épocas pasadas para presentarse ante el visitante como auténticas joyas de arte decorativo.

Junto con la intervención arquitectónica, la campaña patrimonial ha abarcado la restauración de más de 2.000 metros cuadrados de decoración artística in situ en las tres sedes de la muestra, además de la recuperación de 144 obras muebles, entre pinturas, esculturas, tejidos, orfebrería y documentos. Manifestaciones artísticas que, junto con otras piezas cedidas por museos, colecciones privadas, monasterios e iglesias de diferentes poblaciones, conforman un itinerario de gloria, el de "La Gloria del Barroco". Las obras que se exhiben en cada sede están divididas en tres grandes bloques temáticos que son: la pintura barroca valenciana; la

If you happen to be a Culture Vulture and need an excuse to visit Valencia, then we’ve got just the thing for you.

The Fundación de la Comunidad Valenciana La Luz de las Imágenes this year celebrates its 10th anniversary in a marvelous new exhibition entitled: “La Gloria del Barroco” - The Glory of the Baroque.

Returning to the city of Valencia, where it first began its journey of discovery, restoration and the dissemination of the historical and artistic heritage of the Community, the Foundation’s exhibition comprises over 300 works of art. Pride of place is given to such renound painters as Pedro Pablo (Sir Peter Paul) Rubens, Francisco Ribalta, Jerónimo Jacinto de Espinosa and José Ribera, as well as previously unseen works by Paolo di Matteis, together with many other art works, such as textiles, gold and silver work and historic documents loaned by museums, private collections, monasteries and churches.

The route begins in El Almudín with an exhibition illustrating the first ten years of works undertaken by the Foundation, and includes an audiovisual experience showing fine examples of some of the 2,500 works of art they have restored, as well as the 48 buildings they have renovated in the Valencian Region since 1999.

It then proceeds on to three selected churches: San Esteban Protomártir, San Martín Obispo and San Juan de la Cruz. These early places of worship were built on the sites of former mosques and were redecorated during the 17th and 18th centuries in the prevailing Baroque style. Between them over 2,000 square feet of decorative art in situ has been recently restored by the foundation. With elaborate stucco decorations, sgraffito and rich, vibrant gilt work, the exhibition recalls the splendor of a bygone era to appear before the visitor as the true gems of decorative art they really are.

The mobile works on display at each site are divided into three thematic blocks: 1. Valencian Baroque painting2. Sculpture 3. Valencian Gold & silver work plate since the

Middle Ages to the twentieth century.

7 architects, 6 archaeologists and 133 restorers have worked on this project that has involved an investment of some 11,235,000 euros.

The Gloria del Barroco can be visited from 10 am to 8 pm, Tuesday to Friday until the 27th of September 2010.

More information available at: w w w . l a l u z d e l a s i m a g e n e s . c o m /Valencia2009/

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escultura y la orfebrería valencianas desde la Edad Media hasta el siglo XX, y la devoción a la Virgen María.

7 arquitectos, 6 arqueólogos y 133 restauradores han trabajado en esta campaña que ha supuesto una inversión de 11.235.000 euros.

ITINERARIO EXPOSITIVO:1. El AlmudínPlaza de San Luis Bertrán, 1Centro de recepción de visitantesy talleres didácticos2. Iglesia de San Esteban ProtomártirPlaza de San Esteban, 5La pintura barroca valenciana3. Iglesia de San Martín Obispoy San Antonio AbadCalle de San Vicente Mártir, 11 La escultura y la orfebrería valencianas, desde la

Edad Media hasta el siglo XX4. Iglesia de San Juan de la CruzCalle del Poeta Querol, 6La devoción a la Virgen MaríaHORARIO DE VISITA:* A la Exposición:De martes a domingo: de 10 a 20 horas (Lunes cerrado, excepto festivos y vísperas de

festivos)* A los talleres didácticos:De martes a viernes de 10 a 14 horas Sábado y domingo: de 10 a 14 horas (previa

reserva imprescindible)(Lunes cerrado, excepto festivos y vísperas de

festivo)PRECIOS:• 3 €• 2,10 €: Carnet jove/jubilado o grupos + 15

personas • 1,50 €: Grupos + 15 personas con carnet jove/

jubilado Para más información:FUNDACIÓN DE LA LUZ DE LAS IMÁGENESCalle Duque de Calabria 8-2ª46005 ValenciaTlf.: 902 330 370E-mail: [email protected]

Culture ChAt

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We are now well prepared for an upturn in the market! Visit now and see 100s of properties in Valencia and Alicante Provinces.

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EMOTIONAL ACUPUNCTURE

Some may ask what is Emotional Acupuncture and what can it do for me?

The answer is Emotional Acupuncture is a newer version of Acupuncture. It uses recent advances in Thought Field Therapy, and integrates it with the acupuncture theory. This means that needles are not essentially used, which appeals to many. It can be used to treat Emotional and Physical issues.

Emotional Acupuncture was first used to treat Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in Vientnam war veterans. They had been hospitalised as 30 years of conventional therapy had not helped them, and they were on high doses of medication to deal with their insomnia, trauma etc etc...

The founder of Emotional Freedom Tapping (EFT), Gary Craig treated some of these veterans with a 100% success rate, occuring in 6-10 sessions!

If one accepts that this is possible, then these are incredible results!

However, you may wonder what this has to do with you or a loved one you are concerned about. Well, actually, it is hugely relevant. What happened to the war veterans happens and has happened to us with less traumatic situations.

With many issues we are either trapped in the past, or are caught in a negative manner of looking at our problem which can be emotional or physical. It could deal with Chronic Depression one gets now, but which has its root in the past. For example the origins of depression often begin at school when people feel inadequate socially compared to their peers etc etc.

These issues can be whittled down to more specific events and neutralised to feel less significant using Emotional Acupuncture. The process is quick, drug free, and pain free.

This is what The founder of Emotional Acupuncture or EFT did with these war veterans. They had many, many specific issues that had been haunting the veterans for over thirty years. These specific issues could be likened to “War Movies”. They were taken back to these movies, which obviously were horrific and

emotionally poignant to them in the extreme.

The specific events emotionality was re-visited and using EFT, the events emotionality was neutralised and later could be spoken about by the veteran objectively. This they had never been able to do before.

After all, why were they trapped in the past of thirty years ago, and why do we have issues that are trapped to our childhood for example?

Its because we have an energetical blockage in our system which can only be resolved through body and mind, as they are trapped in the body and mind.

EFT and my own version of emotional acupuncture can be used for almost anything, and is a wonderful tool to help a human being achieve what they are really capable of, and that is being in harmony with themselves and others.

By Nial Sawa - BASee photo on the left

See advert for details.

Please contact the EPLT Centre for more information

[email protected]: 633 231 220

Telephone: 96 392 1845

Please Support our advertisers & Mention

BRITCHAT . 14

NEWS Guide2Valencia launches MyGuide2 Social Network

New from Guide2Valencia! Guide2Valencia were always working hard bringing exciting changes to their site to make their Valencia visitors smile. Last month saw the launch of the latest development to make Guide2Valencia friendlier, more interactive, more useful and much more fun.

MyGuide2 is a whole new expansion to Guide2Valencia. It’s a social networking area that will let you interact with all of the great content on Guide2Valencia, as well as with other visitors to the site. You’ll also be able to interact with their advertisers too.

Features of MyGuide2MyGuide2 will allow you, the visitor to communicate with other members of Guide2Valencia, create a profile, create and join groups, post and respond to messages via message boards, add events, classifieds and blogs -all free of charge, and finally take advantage of advertiser promotions from local businesses in the MyGuide2 Gift Shop.

Members can also leave comments on any article on their site that is made open up to comment.

MyGuide2 for businesses in the Valencia Community.

Any business with paid advertising on Guide2Valencia will also be able to create a group page for their busines Businesses will be able to upload photos to the group, interact with visitors to Guide2Valencia and fans of their business, message them and upload promotional gift vouchers for any other members to take advantage of.

MyGuide2 for local groups, sports clubs and charites

As a community based website, Guide2Valencia is delighted to offer all local sports teams, charities, social groups, fundraisers, schools, universities, support groups and charities a group page free of charge on Guide2Valencia’s Social Network.

To create your own group page to communicate with members, colleagues, friends and the general public sign up as a member of MyGuide2!What does MyGuide2 mean for me?

All existing members were migrated across to the new MyGuide2. The only difference being that MyGuide2 uses real names and not Usernames. Instead of logging in with usernames Members will log in with their email address.

When you log in for the first time you can create your profile and start to join and/or create groups, print off gift vouchers and communicate with other Members via the Message Boards.

You will also benefit from receiving Guide2Valencia’s monthly newsletter informing you of latest News, Events, Competitions and Promotions.

New Members can sign up on the Guide2Valencia website at: -

www.Guide2Valencia.com

BRITCHAT . 15

OLOCAU RASTRO Refreshments & Food Available. Next dates: 31st January & 28th FebruarySocial Club, Urb. La Lloma. 10am till 2pm. Set up from 9am for sellers. Price: Tables €5. Raffle €1. Bookings & More Info: Carolyn 962555819 or 664809608.Proceeds usually given to a worthwhile charity.There are stalls selling handmade cards, thai gifts ,christmas gifts and a cafe with full breakfasts and ...a selection of chrismas cakes and mince pies etc to ordering for christmas.Directions: Follow signs to OLOCAU from LLIRIA, Turn right towards BETERA at the main CV333 Roundabout, (CV333 Near Valencia).URB. LA LLOMA is on the next roundabout, RASTRO will be signposted from there.

New Activity called WAY TAN YONGNo matter what your age or physical condition, this new activity will improve your health, energy and well-being.It’s called WAY TAN YONG and in essence it is working with energy through gentle easy movements. This new group intends to start in the Chiva/Godelleta area this Autumn, so if you are interested please contact Mila on 627-884-298.

Montroy Table Top Sale

My husband and I along with the people of the town hall in Montroy organize a car boot sale every month. It is always held at Calle La Pau, MontroyContact Cindy at 960 802 513 or 695 100 5402010 Dates: Jan 3, Feb 7, Mar 14, April 4, May 2June 6, July 4, Aug 1, Sep 5, Oct 3, Nov 7, Dec 5Always from 10 - 2. Contact person: Cindy 960 802 513 or 695 100 540

Sunday Pub Quiz with Neil and CraigQuestions in English - with a local flavourBrainboxes or boobies of all nationalities welcome. 7 pm Sundays - At Sally O’Brien Pub.Avenida Aragon, Valencia (beside the petrol station)

Balcon de Montroy RastroSundays 17th January & 14th February: 10-2 setting up from 9am Stalls will include Daphnes’ cakes Helens’ cards, pet accessories, avon christmas gifts etc.Stalls will include handmade cards, homemade cakes, bric a brac, thai gifts, pet supplies, avon and much more. Info: 96-255-5819 (Carolyn)

EVENTSLinguistic ExchangeWould you like to improve your Spanish by practicing with a local person in an informal setting? Would you like to help them to improve their English? If your answer is yes, welcome to Central Point Language Exchange. We meet every Wednesday 19 to 20.30 hs in Torrent (Bar La Red Rose – CC. Las Americas). Cost 10€ a month or 3€ a session - Interested? Please contact Marcela Mattenet [email protected].

IWC- International Womens ClubValencia Monthly Coffee meetings every 1st Thursday of the month, from 10 till 12 hs. Anybody Welcome!!! - Come and join us at the Top restaurant – 4th Floor - HIPERCOR - C.Comercial Ademuz, Av. Pio XII, 51 ,Valencia, End off Ademuz - Lliria motorway. Near Nuevo Centro and La Fe Hospital -Near Tube station Campanar FREE Underground car park.If you are interested in joining please, log on our site www.iwc-valencia.ning.com or mail [email protected].

TURIS23 JANUARYPresentation of the Fallera Mayor of the “Falla Placeta del Marqués”. At 2300 hrs at the Teatro IdealJANUARY 30Presentation of the la Fallera Mayor Infantil of the “Falla Placeta del Marqués”. At 1800 hrs at the Teatro Ideal.

Car Boot & MarketCar Boot & Market 10.30-13.30 horasSunday, 24th January & Sunday, 21st FebruaryMAS PAVIA RESTAURANTEMASIA PAVIA URBA, Nr MonserratInside space available so if weatherIs not so hot then this event will go aheadLimited inside space. Call to book your stand Amanda 625 819 734 or [email protected] are FreeTables are not suppliedFuture car boots 3rd Sunday of the month

Ladies Who Do Coffee In England Ladies do lunch, here we do coffee. A group of ladies are meeting for coffee and chat, helpful discussions on trade’s people and shopping. Not only do we meet new people, but also it is a chance to escape from the inevitable dusting and cleaning. At first we will be meeting every Wednesday at 11.00 a.m. in the Bar Torroners in Turis. Please accept this invitation; we look forward to seeing you. Any queries phone Berice on 96 299 8306. We are a talented group and it may be possible to start some of the recreational hobbies we had in England.

You get a FREE EVENTS listing with BRITCHAT, space permitting, but in Guide2Valencia we will give you unlimited text and a photo. For more information email: [email protected].

BRITCHAT . 16

UK PENSION CHAT

Many members of UK Pension Schemes are suffering from frozen pension benefits.

Not many people know but since April 2006 it has been possible to transfer your UK pension into a QROPS Qualified Recognised Overseas Pension SchemeBelow is some information regarding QROPS

I only wish that I had known about this 2.5 years ago when I hit 60, so please do read on and if you require further information please leave your details on our email link and we will pass your details on to an Independent Financial Advisor.

Most people don’t realise that they can regain control of their previously frozen UK pension money. If you’ve ever been a member of a UK Company Pension Scheme or a UK Personal Pension, help is at hand (Since April 2006) with a QROPS (Qualified Recognised Overseas Pension Scheme) Pension Transfer. QROPS will allow you much greater investment freedom with access to global funds with potential of higher returns.

ACT NOW TO RELEASE YOUR 25% TAX FREE LUMP SUM! ONLY 3 MONTHS UNTIL RULES CHANGE!

Did you know that if you are 50+ (hurry as this changes to 55 in April 2010) you could take your 25% tax free lump sum NOW with no need to buy an Annuity.

QROPS or Qualifying Recognised Overseas Pension schemes can give several benefits to the individual expat. For the first 5 years of the new pension the trustees of the new pension scheme have to report once a year to the UK Inland Revenue to confirm continuing qualification with the rules. After 5 years the reporting requirement falls away and if the pension is then moved there is no requirement to report to the UK and no loss of UK tax relief. It is therefore possible to transfer your fund to another pension which does not require you to purchase an annuity.

BRITCHAT can put you in touch with a QROPS Advisor free of charge and with no obligation.

They can tell you about the benefits and potential pitfalls, specifically appertaining to your particular situation.

They will arrange a basic assessment of your frozen pension scheme. This can be carried out by telephone,

Living Outside The UK?More Information on UK Pension Funds

post or email, saving everyone time and money.

A transfer value can then be obtained and a full assessment of your situation can be made by them, and a decision whether or not it is best to move your money to a QROPS.

For further information visit the website www.rescuemyukpension.com or send an email to [email protected]

Please note that after evaluation by an expert they may consider that you do not need a QROPS, but should stay with your current scheme. Unless you enquire though, you will not know what is the correct action for your personal circumstances.

It must be emphasised that each case is examined individually and you will be advised what is best for YOU! Fully approved by Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs.

Here is another Case Study which is most interesting ....

Mr Collins resides in Cyprus.

Mr Collins works for a Management Consulting firm and his profession involves traveling a great deal and working in different countries for a number of months or years.

Over a period of several years, he built up a pension of £110k whilst working in the UK. His UK financial adviser recommended setting up a pension to become more tax efficient. Mr Collins has been out of the UK for 6 months and has no intention of returning to the UK.

His UK pension provider was Standard Life. The fund was held in a Managed account. Mr Collins wasn’t happy with the investment strategy and wanted to take more control over his pension fund.

Mr Collins is 37 years old and has a good number of years before retirement to get solid growth. His aim is to build the £110k pension into something a lot more substantial over the next 18 years at least.

Taking advantage of the investment flexibility that transferring into a QROPS gives instantly, his QROPS adviser worked with Mr Collins to construct a portfolio containing the best performing funds available. The portfolio was built to match Mr. Collins goals and attitude to risk.

BRITCHAT . 17

UK PENSION CHAT

The constructed portfolio was built and balanced to adventurous risk funds. Mr Collins is expecting a growth of between 7-15% per year.

Proposed Seminar We are planning a seminar near Valencia Airport, so it’s easy to get to from all directions.

The guest speaker will be Roger Berry and we welcome him to our first seminar. Roger is our first guest speaker of the year and will give you information on QROPS. Roger’s company “Concept” is only one of several companies our connections use. This will be organised for Wednesday 17th February and is expected to start at 11 am and finish in time for lunch.

Items to be covered during the 1.5 hour seminar are as follows: -

1. Welcome from BRITCHAT Magazine2. Introductions from each of the experts3. Explanation of how they are FULLY regulated and

how they work4. FULL explanation of QROPS5. Explanation of the form giving permission to ask

the existing company or companies for the current value(s)

6. Explanation of how recommendations are made and funds invested

7. Discussion of case studies8. Question time

9. Wrap up by BRITCHAT Magazine

After the seminar: One on ones with the experts, if you wish, after the seminar. If you pre-book we can organise this in advance for you. See the website for information on the experts: www.rescuemyukpension.com

Please ask for more details and we will email a program to you.

Please note that there is no obligation and no pressure, as this is a BRITCHAT organised event to impart this important information. If you wish to follow on afterwards then you should contact one of the experts and they will guide you in the way that will have been covered in the seminar.

ConclusionIf you are living abroad and whatever age, you CAN take advantage of QROPS.

See the advert above and take action NOW!

What do I need to do next?

Email: [email protected]& [email protected]: www. rescuemyukpension.com

BRITCHAT . 18

MORE NEWS CHAT

BRITCHAT . 19

NEWSIKEA ON ITS WAY!

Alicante Town Hall has commissioned a study to be undertaken by the local chamber of commerce on

the effects that Swedish furniture giant IKEA will have on the area, once it has set up shop in Rabasa. The study is not aimed at establishing the validity of the project, but rather to determine the infrastructure necessary to accommodate it.

INFLATION - WHAT 2010 HOLDS FOR US

After all the celebrations of Christmas, New Year and the Three Kings, 2010 will start with a series of alarming price rises

across almost all sectors. The price of a bottle of Butane gas will rise by

3.36% to 11 Euros and five centimos; suburban rail fares are to rise by 6% and national rail fares will be increased by 5%; stamp prices are also set to rise with national mail rising by 6,25%, international letters of up to 20 grams sent within the EU being increased by 3,22%; electricity charges will be increased by 2.64%, and TVA will be increased by two percentage points to 18% on July 1.

However, for the second year running there will be no increase in telephone charges, and only a minute increase in certain tolls on motor ways, with the Valencian Rail Service FGV revealing that it is also freezing it’s fares this year.

FORMULA 1 TEAM TO TRAIN AT CHESTEThe Valencian Government has

revealed that there is to be a series of training sessions for all the Formula 1 teams at the Cheste circuit at the start of next month. February 1, 2 & 3 will be the dates when it will be possible to see Fernando Alonso at the wheel of a new Ferrari, as well as all the other drivers on the circuit.

33RD AMERICAS CUPThe Valencia 2007 Consortium

has set aside a budget of eight million Euros to stage the 33rd edition of the Americas Cup next month, but this is expected to be repaid by various national and international sponsors, most of whom will pay considerably less than the fifteen million Euros that they spent on the 32nd edition of the Cup.

It still remains to be seen how

many regattas will be staged, but most of the eight million will be spent on installing giant TV screens for the spectators to view the races that will take place away from the gaze of the general public.

AVERAGE 6 ARRESTS PER DAYIt appears that neither the threat of numerous

controls, nor the possibility of being fined up to a thousand Euros have deterred people from taking a drink and then getting behind the

wheel. This is borne out by the figures recently released by the Guardia Civil that tell their own story: during the course of last year some three thousand people were arrested for driving whilst intoxicated - on average at the rate of six per day.

UNEMPLOYMENT STILL RISINGThe Valencian Community ended 2009 with

a total of 477,847 unemployed people, which represents an increase of 33.54% over 2008. These figures show that unemployment in the autonomy was the second highest in Spain - behind Murcia, where the numbers of unemployed rose by 34.44%, By sectors, building was the area where most jobs were lost, followed by the agricultural sector.

NEW YEAR MESSAGEIn his New Years message

yesterday, Francisco Camps, the President of the Valencian Community stated that the autonomy Continues to be badly financed by the State and that the five million inhabitants of the Community should start to

claim the money that is owed to them. He stated that the water of Spain is for all Spaniards and asked that the Socialist Central Government show some leadership in this regard.

Mr Camps also referred to the Christmas message of King Juan Carlos, in which he asked for unity across the country, and this is what I am asking for now, in the best interests for our future. Further more, he revealed that the Valencian Government envisions investing almost one and a half billion Euros that will directly affect employment, and will also involve training and support for the most productive sectors in order that we all can face the new decade with illusion.

In addition he revealed that the Consell would be investing four billion Euros for various projects across the autonomy as part of the plans by the local government to end the recession, and that we will be the first autonomy in Spain to successfully emerge from the crisis with modernity and dynamism, with tradition and with our own culture.

BRITCHAT . 20

Insuring your home, your health, your cars and your businessesFluent in Englsih & Spanish20 years experienceFully LegalHome visits for on-site adviceAll claims handled e�cientlyFriendly, experienced serviceProviding the best cover for the best price

TEL: 96 158 [email protected]

Ejército Español, 13, bajos46900 Torrent (Valencia)

*

*******

PROPERTY MAINTAINANCE CHAT

[email protected]

BRITCHAT . 21

Limescale Fixes

Soluciones contra la CalBy Peter Heskett

[email protected]

BRITCHAT . 22

ContinuedLimescale Fixes

Soluciones contra la Cal By Peter Heskett

PROPERTY MAINTAINANCE CHAT

BRITCHAT . 23

What did the Kings bring for the pets

(animals) of La Safor?

With the absence of a collection service and the intention of all the Mancomunidad politicians that this service will be replaced by a dog’s shelter, history repeats itself. This time it is not called La Pinada, it is called the Alpe de Sollana residence,

who are dog b r e e d e r s and without a permit or license for the collection of a b a n d o n e d or lost animals (and considered by many as one of

the biggest extermination camps in the Valencian community). The first council that has apparently contracted this service is the council of Real de Gandia, according to their Mayoress’s declaration.

Against euthanasia and the almost absolute protection practiced by the Gandia Council, we are finding villages in La Safor, that after three years with the same principles of negotiation with the Animal Protection and Environment Safor, are now deciding to go over to 100% euthanasia i.e. all homeless animals will be killed.

How did we arrive at this? The Protectora has, over the last few years, collected some 2000 animals from the Mancomunidad, finding homes for the majority, but others are still at the centre, three years after they were collected. 95% of the animals collected have already been sterilized, in order to avoid further wide scale abandonment of puppies. Since we began the collection service, we’ve tried to make people aware of the necessity to be responsible about owning an animal, of the importance of animal identification, of sterilization and of the obligation of abiding by the laws for the protection of animals. However, this has proved a Mission impossible, because the majority of the municipal mandatories are only interested in placating the general populace and when people want to get rid of their

animals, they call the Protectora and try to pass these animals off as strays. Instead of making people think again and understand the suffering these animals endure when they’re abandoned, instead of making people responsible, and not flagrantly break the laws that protects animals, in short the councils encourage the general cruelty and irresponsibility.

In July 2009, this society requested a meeting with the Mancomunidad. The meeting took place on the 29th. of September. We informed them at the time that the situation had become unsustainable, that the sanctions against abandonment and/or physical abuse, were not being actioned. That there were no awareness campaigns against abandonment, but rather to the contrary. That the papers to be able to give an abandoned animal that has a microchip up for adoption, were not being actioned. Therefore, the dogs cannot obtain a new owner, no matter how much anyone may want to offer them a new home.

At this meeting, we denounced the previous agreement. During the last three years, on various occasions, we had offered our services to go to the local markets to inform and raise awareness among people of the problems caused by abandonment of animals. All in vane.

On the 1st. of December, we presented a proposal of covenant, and on the 28th. they called us, and without any comment or any kind of negotiation, we were told that it was not in their interests for the Protectora to collect abandoned animals.

So the councils have began 2010 without the animal collection service. They haven’t even informed their local police, they were told by this society, it is clear that the councils are not interested in homeless animals in the streets, it is their obligation to be responsible for them. Do they call this a good municipal arrangement?

Further more, as of today, the councils of La Safor are now in debt to the Protectora by a staggering total of 54,562 Euros.

This Protectora has been emergency collecting (out of hours,

at night, and on holidays etc.without any extra charges to the councils), injured animals, run over animals and puppies. even though the incineration and collection services carried out out of hours are still pending payments. In some cases payments are outstanding from as early as 2007, such as 190€ from the Council of Simat, Real de Gandia -100 €, palmera - 50€, and the laughable amount of 15€ from the Council of Piles. Thus breaking the principle of good will.

The Councils that owe the most to SPAMA since 2007 are, Tabernes 1,1500€, La font 9,700€, Piles 7,690€, El Real de Gandia 4,044€, Xeresa 4,335€, Xeraco 2,006€, Guardamar 1,319€, Bellreguard 1,233€, Villalonga owes from before 8,000€ and a long list of small amounts that reach this total of 54.562€.

SPAMA, its members, helpers and the people who care most for animals should not have to bear the brunt of bad negotiations, lack of interest and the general stupidity and indifference of the many councils.

Salvadora TormosSPAMA

S.P.A.M.A GANDIA SHELTER

Reg. charity in Spain n0. Safor. 2.020 ong.

Dog and cat rescue in the La Safor area. 500 animals awaiting re-homing. Shelter open 7 days a week 12noon - 2.00pm & 3.30pm - 7.00pm. (Spanish speaking staff) or phone Gail 962 896 118 or Lesley 962 813 226.Visit our website for directions: www.spama.org and view our new blog atwww.spama-safor.blog.com.esPLEASE HELP US TO HELP THEM!

Pet Chat Feature from SPAMA

BRITCHAT . 24

La ausencia del servicio de recogida y la intención de los políticos de la mancomunitat de que este servicio lo vuelva a realizar una perrera, la historia se repite, esta vez no se llama La Pinada, se llama Alpe de Sollana residencia, criadero y sin permiso para el servicio de recogida de animales abandonados o extraviados. (Considerada por mucho como uno de los mayores campos de exterminio de la Comunidad Valenciana).El primero que al parecer ha contratado este servicio ha sido el ayuntamiento del Real de Gandia según declaración de su alcaldesa. Frente a la eutanasia 0 y la protección casi absoluta que se practica en el ayuntamiento de Gandia, nos encontramos con los pueblos de la Safor que tras tres años con el mismo principio por la gestión de la protectora de animales y medio ambiente Safor ,decide pasar a eutanasia 100 (todos los animales se sacrificaran). ¿Como hemos llegado a esto? La protectora ha recogido en estos años 2000 animales de la mancomunidad buscándoles casa a la mayoría de ellos, otros están todavía en el albergue tras tres años de haber sido recogidos. El 95% de los animales adoptados en el albergue están ya esterilizados, para evitar futuros abandonos de cachorros. Desde que iniciamos el servicio de recogida hemos intentado concienciar a los respectivos estamentos municipales sobre la necesidad de la tenencia responsable de los animales, de la importancia de la identificación, de la esterilización, de la obligación del cumplimiento de las leyes de protección animal. Misión imposible porque la única preocupación de la mayoría de los mandatarios municipales es tener contentos a sus

vecinos e intentar cuando se han querido deshacer de sus animales, avisar a la protectora para hacerlos pasar por animales abandonados, en lugar de hacerles recapacitar, de entender la situación de sufrimiento en la que se encuentran cuando son abandonados, de hacerles responsables, y de incumplir fragantemente la ley de protección animal, han tenido connivencia en ello. En Julio de 2009 esta Sociedad, solicita una reunión en la mancomunidad, la cual no se realiza hasta el 29 de septiembre donde les comunicamos que la situación es insostenible, que no se llevan expedientes sancionadores adelante por maltrato o abandono. Que no se realiza ninguna campaña de concienciación contra el abandono, si no más bien todo lo contrario. Que no gestionan los papeles para poder entregar en adopción a los anímales abandonados que tienen ya microchip, motivo por el cual los perros no pueden tener un nuevo dueño, por mucho que alguien este interesado en ellos En dicha reunión denunciamos el convenio anterior. Durante estos tres años en diversas ocasiones ofrecimos nuestros servicios para ir a los mercadillos locales a informar y concienciar a los vecinos del problema del abandono de animales. Todos los esfuerzos inútiles. . El 1 de diciembre presentamos la propuesta de convenio, y el día 28 de diciembre se nos llama, sin mediar comentario o negociación para decir que no les interesa que la protectora recoja los animales abandonados. Los ayuntamientos han iniciado el 2010 sin tener servicio de recogida de animales abandonados, y sin siquiera informar a sus policías locales, los cuales se enteraban a través de esta

sociedad dejando así patente su falta de preocupación por el problema que para los animales estar en la calle e incumpliendo su obligación de hacerse cargo de ellos. ¿Es esto realizar una buena gestión municipal?Por lo demás, los ayuntamientos de la Safor adeudan a la Protectora 54.562 euros a día de hoy. , Esta Protectora ha estado recogiendo de urgencia (fuera de horario habitual, nocturno, festivo etc.) sin ningún gasto extraordinario para los consistorios animales heridos, atropellados o cachorros. y a pesar los servicios que si que debían de abonarse como incineraciones y recogidas fuera de horario habitual están pendiente de cobro en algunos casos del año 2007, como 190€ por parte del ayuntamiento de Simat, ,el Real de Gandia 100 €, palmera 50€,y la irrisoria cantidad de 15 € del ayuntamiento de Piles. Rompiendo así en todo momento el principio de buena voluntad.Por ayuntamientos los que mas deben a SPAMA desde 2007 Son Tabernes con 11500€, La font 9700€, Piles 7690, El Real de Gandia 4044€,Xeresa 4335€,Xeraco 2006€Guardamar 1319, Bellreguart 1233€, Villalonga debe con anterioridad 8000€ y un largo sinfín de pequeñas cantidades hasta llegar a los 54.562. No es Spama , sus socios, colaboradores y la gente con mayor sensibilidad hacia los seres vivos los que deban cargar con al mala gestión, la falta de interés, anacronismo y cerrilismo, e indiferencia muchos ayuntamientos.

Salvadora TormosSPAMA

Que les han traído los reyes magos a los animales de compañía de la SaforSPAMA

PET CHAT & COMPETITION CHAT

BRITCHAT . 25

November Winner

The winner was Judith Hayes from Calpe and it was her first time of entering the draw, as Calpe have only just recently been receiving BRITCHAT. Here is a photo of Judith with her prize.December Winner

The winner was drawn after we returned from our UK holiday and is Haydyn Duncan, who has enetered every month and so far has never won, so ....CONGRATULATIONS Haydyn!

Don Quixote is hiding somewhere in this magazine. To help you, here is an example of how he will look.

If you find him, send your answer by email to [email protected]. Open until the last day of each month. The first entry drawn out of the bag on the 1st of the next month will win a prize.

Don Quijote está escondido en algún lugar de esta revista. Para ayudarle, aquí es un ejemplo de cómo él mirará..

Si lo encuentras, envía tu respuesta por correo electrónico a [email protected]. El plazo está abierto hasta el último día de cada mes. La primera entrada sacada por una “mano inocente” de la bolsa el primer día del mes siguiente a ganará un premio.

The Naturaleza y Animales Associationwww.naturalezayanimales.comFoster carers are always needed for our animals, also dog walkers and good homes! If interested in helping with our animals or would like to join our association, please call : -

Lin: 96 270 7229Gail: 962 896 118Lesley: 962 813 226

P.E.P.A. Protección y educación para los animales

WHISKEY needs a home please.

650 304 746.www.pepaspain.com

Don Quixote CompetitionWinning entry this month!

PROTECTORA JAIME D’ORTOLA WE ARE SPANISH AND WE DO CARE ABOUT DOGS. DOGS DON’T HAVE ANY NATIONALITY, THEY ARE JUST DOGS AND THEY SUFFER!!

Campaining for pet sterilization.

Please give us a hand, you can contact us on 96 298 60 47

Kind regards, Tigger See Photos opposite / Vea las fotos enfrente de

BRITCHAT fue invitado a la cena navideña que la sociedad de Golf celebra anualmente y que este año tuvo lugar en el Restaurante Toni Roma, en Heron City, el 12 de Diciembre. Fue una oportunidad, largamente esperada por nuestra parte,de conocer a Tigger y Lisa, así como a los demás miembros del Club de Golf.

Ser invitados fue todo un honor para nosotros, especialmente porque fuimos elegidos para entregar los premios a los ganadores de las siguientes categorías:

Jugador del año: Chris Ward (el tipo alto con la copa grande)

Trofeo Memorial: Mike Fitzgerald (el tipo con gafas)

El Ganador eclectico: Tigger Osborne (yo mismo)

Copa en memoria de Jonny Wilson : Phillip shaw (el tipo bajito que tambien tiene una gran copa)

Conseguimos 90 euros en donaciones para nuestra organización favorita El Fondo Contra el Cancer Macmillan,que unidos a los 120 euros que conseguimos anteriormente durante el año, suman un total de 210 euros recaudados durande 2009.

El Editor

Aqui van los resultados de Diciembre....

Resultados de la competición Stableford celebrada en El Bosque Club de Golf en Chiva el 7 de Diciembre de 2009 Como siempre, tuvimos un excitante fin del campeonato del año, sabiendo que una buena puntuación podía cambiar las posiciones de las clasificaciones finales en cada una de las categorías. El ultimo ganador de 2009 fue Peter Lane (hándicap 28) quien marco 32 puntos, mientras Mick Newman (hándicap 26) quedo finalista con 31 puntos. El ganador del “Nearest to the Pin” fue Dudley Millar y Mike Fizgerald gano el Nearest To The Pin (después de tres disparos). El afortunado ganador del “bote” acumulado de 52 euros fue Paul BK, quien correctamente acertó las 29 bolas perdidas de ese día.

La competición de equipos fue para Colin Cootes, Geoff Batstone y Mick Newman. La próxima competición se celebrara el Lunes 1 de Febrero de 20010 en el Club de Golf El Bosque y el primer tee-time sera a las 10.00 am. Por favor contactad con Skip en el 962792423 o 628148939 para reservar vuestra plaza. Finalmente quiero agradecer a nuestros patrocinadores de 2009 - www.walkintranslations.com , Dave Watts y tambien a Dawn Wilson por su apoyo. Hasta el proximo mes, Saludos, Tigger

SPORT CHAT

BRITCHAT . 26

BRITCHAT were invited to the Golf Society’s annual Christmas dinner/presentation held at the Tony Romas restaurant in Heron City on December 12th. It was a long awaited opportunity for us to finally meet up with Tigger and Lisa and many members of the golf club.

We were highly honored to be invited, and even more so to be asked to present the trophies to the winners of the following categories:

Player of the Year: Chris Ward (Taller chap with large cup)

Memorial Trophy: Mike Fitzgerald (Chap with glasses)

Eclectic Winner: Tigger Osborne (myself!)

Jonny Wilson Memorial Cup : Phillip Shaw ( Shorter guy also with large trophy) They raised €90 in donations for their nominated charity - The Macmillan’s Cancer Support Fund which, added to the €120 they raised earlier in the year, mean’s that they’ve raised a total of €210 during 2009. The Editor

Here goes with December’s results...... Results for the Stableford competition held at El Bosque Golf Club in Chiva on Monday 7th December 2009. As always it was an exciting final competition of the year knowing that a good score could change the positions of the final tables in each of the various categories. The last winner of 2009 was Peter Lane (H/Cap 28) who scored 32 points, while Mick Newman (H/Cap 26) was Runner-Up with 31 points. Winner of Nearest The Pin went to Dudley Millar, while Mike Fitzgerald won the Nearest The Pin (After 3 shots).The lucky winner of the rollover pot of 52 euros went to Paul BK who correctly guessed that 29 balls were lost on the day.

The team competition went to Colin Cootes, Geoff Batstone and Mick Newman.The next competition will be held on Monday February 1st 2010 at El Bosque with the first tee-time at 10.00am. Please contact Skip on 962792423 or 628148939 to reserve your place. Finally, i would like to thank our sponsors of 2009: - www.walkintranslations.com , Dave Watts and also Dawn Wilson for their support. That’s all for another month.

BRITCHAT . 27

SPORT CHAT & BUSINESS CHAT

BEST BLOND JOKE EVER?

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He takes her hand and says ....

“Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea”, and then, he said with a deep sigh .....

“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said, ‘No, permanent.’

I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. ‘Best before End’

An elderly gent was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: “I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”

The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth,” he said. “Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I’m scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is.”

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue.’ I said ‘No, just a watch.’

BUSINESS CHAT

BRITCHAT . 28

It’s going to be a busy year ahead. In the event that a round cannot be staged, I’m looking at you Hungary, then that round will be run on the same date at Spains Motorland Aragon circuit.

2010 Va a ser un año “movidito”.Si se diera la circunstancia de que una de las competiciones no se celebrara,estoy pensando en ti, Hungria,esa misma competición pasará a celebrarse en la misma fecha en el circuito español Motorland Aragon

PROVISIONAL MOTOGP CALENDER 2010.CALENDARIO PROVISIONAL MOTOGP 2010

2. APRIL/ABRIL - JAPAN.MOTEGI.

25 APRIL/ABRIL - QATAR.LOSAIL.

16 MAY/MAYO - FRANCE.LE MANS.

30 MAY/MAYO - ITALY. MUGELLO.

6 JUNE/JUNIO - ENGLAND. SILVERSTONE.

26 JUNE/JUNIO - HOLLAND. ASSEN.

4 JULY/JULIO - CATALUNYA. CATALUNYA.

18 JULY/JULIO - GERMANY. SACHENRING.

SPORT CHAT

BRITCHAT . 29

25 JULY/JULIO - USA. LAGUNA SECA. 15.AUGUST/AGUSTO - CZECH REPUBLIC.BRNO.

29. AUGUST/AGUSTO - INDIANAPOLIS.INDIANAPOLIS.

12 SEPTEMBER/SEPTIEMBRE - SAN MARINO.MISANO.

19 SEPTEMBER/SEPTIEMBRE - HUNGARY. BALATONRING.

10 OCTOBER/OCTUBRE - MALAYSIA. SEPANG.

17 OCTOBER/OCTUBRE - AUSTRAILIA. PHILIP ISLAND.

31 OCTOBER/OCTUBRE - PORTUGAL. ESTORIL.

7 NOVEMBER/NOVIEMBE - VALENCIA. RICARDO TORMO.

MOTOGP - 2010 A busy year ahead 2010 Va a ser un año “movidito” Submitted by Dave Mellor

SPEEDING STORYA senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car dealership...

Taking off down the dual carriageway, he floored it to 90mph, enjoying the wind blowing through his grey hair ‘Amazing!’ he thought as he flew down the A9, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

‘I can get away from him - no problem!’ thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, ‘What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense!’ So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, ‘Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.’

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman.. I thought you were bringing her back.’

‘Have a nice day, Sir,’ said the policeman. Quote: Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank. - Ben Irwin

CLASSIFIED CHAT, BRITCHAT MISSION & BRIT FUN

BRITCHAT . 30

Wanted

Lonely expat. needs company. If you’d like a chat over a cup of tea please phone Gill. 962 665 873. Could Nieves please contact me again? I’ve lost your number.

Classifieds

TV & Cabinet.

Elbe 28’’ T.V. for sale,good picture 50 euros. Also swivel top T.V. cabinet, one drawer & double doors. 50 euros.No offers. Montroy area. Phone 648 510 553.

Two Satellite Dishes.

1.5 m satellite dish with LNB 75euros, Also an 80 cm satellite dish with LNB 10euros. Calls at 647 267 415 from 5pm - 7pm everyday.

Important To advertise here for free, email [email protected]

CLASSIFIEDS MUST be with us by the 1st of the month please and will be placed for ONE month only. If you wish to repeat it please send in again otherwise we will assume sold!

FOR A QUICKER SALE?Advertise it in both! BRITCHAT & Guide2Valencia

Not only do you get a free Classified with Britchat, space permitting, we will give you more space in Guide2Valencia and you can have 4 photos and UNLIMITED text, all for FREE!

All you have to do, is become a MEMBER at www.guide2valencia.com and make up your own classified advert.

In Memoriam With all the sadness and

trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him ....

“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.

Please be careful!”

“It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”

I like cats, too. So ......Let’s exchange recipes.

When you work here,you can name your own salary. I named mine, “Skimpy”.

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

BRITCHAT . 31

BRIT FUN

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Can you crack the code and solve the crossword? Every letter of the alphabet is used at least once. Three letters are already in place to get you started. All words are in English.

SUDOKU

Codeword

TRAFFIC TICKET

A police cycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he put s an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole!”

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has such a bad driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; “Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?” Officer responds, “Yes sir, that is the defendants copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top. Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?”

Officer: “Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined.”

Lawyer: “What does the “AH” stand for, officer?”

Officer: “Aggressive and hostile Sir.”

Lawyer: “Aggressive and hostile?”

Officer: “Yes Sir?

Lawyer: “Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for A**hole?”

Officer: “Well sir, you know your client better than I do!”