“Mum, I want to be a writer." I think my mum has known about my creative impulses since l was first given a pencil. I remember laying in my room drawing, making crafts, writing my mum letters and my own Winnie the Pooh short stories. Art and literacy classes were always my favourite, and fiction books, notebooks, exercise journals, stationary and diaries have always been on my birthday and Christmas lists, every year without fail. I've always loved creating and making art and so nothing made more sense than to continue this in adult life and make it my career. (Small tangent...) Acting came later at 10 years old, when I was cast as the lead of Mary in our school's nativity, and I was bitten by the acting bug. Then at 13 years old I saw my first West end musical and knew I had to be involved in that life in some way. I was in complete awe. I wanted to write one, I wanted to act in one, hell, I would've managed the lights if it meant I could be in a theatre every day. I fell in love and found my other passion in life. (Back to writing however...) Fiction had always been my forte, I had never seriously considered anything else. To be truthful I never felt capable. When it came to choose a University course there was nothing else for me but English because I love learning, especially about art, literature and history. But then there was my passion for drama. I'll admit it was a dilemma, but then I found the perfect fit at Greenwich University. It was called 'Creative Writing and English Literature'. It gave me the opportunity for everything. Creative Writing allowed me to practice and study: Poetry and Prose, and Stage and Screen
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Transcript
“Mum, I want to be a writer."
I think my mum has known about my creative impulses since l was first given a pencil. I remember laying in my room drawing, making crafts, writing my mum letters and my own Winnie the Pooh short stories. Art and literacy classes were always my favourite, and fiction books, notebooks, exercise journals, stationary and diaries have always been on my birthday and Christmas lists, every year without fail. I've always loved creating and making art and so nothing made more sense than to continue this in adult life and make it my career.
(Small tangent...)
Acting came later at 10 years old, when I was cast as the lead of Mary in our school's nativity, and I was bitten by the acting bug. Then at 13 years old I saw my first West end musical and knew I had to be involved in that life in some way. I was in complete awe. I wanted to write one, I wanted to act in one, hell, I would've managed the lights if it meant I could be in a theatre every day. I fell in love and found my other passion in life.
(Back to writing however...)
Fiction had always been my forte, I had never seriously considered anything else. To be truthful I never felt capable. When it came to choose a University course there was nothing else for me but English because I love learning, especially about art, literature and history. But then there was my passion for drama. I'll admit it was a dilemma, but then I found the perfect fit at Greenwich University. It was called 'Creative Writing and English Literature'. It gave me the opportunity for everything. Creative Writing allowed me to practice and study: Poetry and Prose, and Stage and Screen writing. English Literature allowed me to study Poetry, Novels, Film and Drama. I had a brilliant first year. The only problem with this was that the second year is built upon narrowing down these options into what you liked best, and I loved EVERY aspect, I couldn't narrow it down. In the end I chose Poetry and Drama, Playwriting, Short story writing and Shakespeare and ended up in a very theatrical second year of studying and honing my skills.
Thanks to these two years I have practiced everything and even have myself a growing portfolio building up of 9 poems, 10 short stories, 2, 10-minute stage plays, 1, 20-minute stage play and a 10 minute screenplay (and many, many drafts of uncompleted word). It has caused me a lot of stress where deadlines are concerned but I couldn't be happier with my decision and my campus. I have well and truly strengthened my writing muscle for every kind of creative writing.
In September I will be moving into my third and final year before I can hold my Bachelor of Arts degree in my hands. I have chosen the courses: Contemporary British Theatre (for drama), Literature and Publishing (for fiction, poetry and plays), The Creative Project (a creative version of the dissertation for whatever my heart chooses), and Advanced
Screenwriting. I will have left having dabbled in everything there is to offer. I'm proud and excited for my modules and I'll leave feeling like an accomplished person with a lot of skills and knowledge on my back (even if a lot of other people still doubt me).
Come present day and I have a short story in a published anthology, a short play being produced in a theatre, and a poem and ten-minute play published in the newest edition of the anthology. I think, despite never being paid, I can call myself a writer. I've always received a lot of flak about choosing to be a writer and studying a degree like English. Questions such as, 'Where's that going to take you?', and, 'That's a waste of time', and the biggest pet peeve, 'Why don't you have a job?'. I've even had someone tell me that because I don't have a part-time job, I am lazy and therefore stupid. I simply explained that I'm still in education, trying to better myself for the future, I don't think someone who jumped into a 9-5 retail job after secondary school qualifies as more intelligent than me, or a more successful human being, just how I don't think because I attend University I'm any better or smarter than anyone. You can't judge intelligence or talent based on someone's employment status, especially when said someone is at University doing what they love.
I will say I have a lot of privilege as my mother doesn't expect me to get a part-time job. She is one of the only people who understands. She defends me against all the above criticism when I'm not around, and always tells people writing is my job. She is my rock and my biggest supporter and I'm forever grateful for her belief in me. The thing a lot of people don't seem to understand is that writing isn't easy. You need an idea, a plan, a structure, well developed characters, plot and world and so much more. You can't bash out a 250-page novel in a day as some people genuinely think is possible. I need to dedicate time, energy and deep thought to create my pieces and I do, every day.
A lot of people assume when I don't have University I do nothing all day. If I'm not writing than I'm at the theatre, or reading, or learning more about my craft and the world to garner story ideas, or practicing filmmaking and editing by making videos, or organising my thoughts and projects in my bullet journal. I'm always trying to better myself and create something. I'd rot without creativity and I have to be busy to entertain myself. Luckily for me my one-day career is something I love so incredibly much and could never get bored of.
So, Mum, when I came to you and told you I wanted to be a writer, thank you for not scoffing at me like so many people have. Thank you for believing in me so much that you allow me to follow my passion without hindrance. I know many people aren't so lucky and so I'm not wasting this opportunity to make a name for myself, to share my work and to make you proud.
Artists making a difference
I write because I want to connect with the world, I want to make a difference, as I think all artists do. Even if just one person reads this blog and it improves their day, teaches them something new, changes their outlook in a positive way, or even makes them smile, I will have accomplished something.
Songwriters can create such beauty in the careful choice of their words, and the elegant construction of their melody.Artists can inspire nations through gentle strokes of a brush in vibrant illustrative colours of life.
Philosophers can change the meaning of life through strategic symbolism and poetic views.Poets can offer a new perspective on the world through the eyes of multiple different people.
Artists can change lives, and it only takes one reader or one viewer, to appreciate their art or to be inspired by it, to impact more people and change the world. It's one of the reasons art, theatre and writing mean so much to me. It's something that has survived the test of time and will never slow down or stop. No matter what, art remains and connects every time era, and every generation.
I may just be a girl, sitting alone in her room, at stupid o'clock in the morning, watching the light on the screen flicker in time with my blinks, but maybe this girl can create a difference. Just like all those artists that have come before me, maybe I can change this world like the people who have inspired me to be a writer and storyteller. Maybe I can reach out through this dark pit that is the computer screen, through the internet, and find the light at the other end. Maybe in the print on this page, and the pixels on your screen, you can find hope, laughter and helpful advice.
I write because I must. I think a lot of creatives do what they do because of a deep, unnamed desire that urges them to do it. It can't be explained or rationalised, but you know it's all you must be, or want to be, doing. It's a voice telling you to do. It's the skip of a heartbeat when you're doing what you love. It's the satisfaction you feel after completing a project. It's the envy you feel at people more successful at their creative pursuits, but simultaneously the inspiration you feel from these people to work your way up to their successes. It's the strongest impulse and belief that this is what you were put on this earth to do. And you go and do it. In every breath, in every movement, you feel this creativity in your bones, and it's in everything you do.
Everyday a thousand thoughts swirling in my head are just waiting to leak through my fingertips and create endless magic with the power of words, and every day I allow them. Every day more and more creativity sparks through my core and makes me lose where I am into a whole new world of possibilities and stories. The real world has enough dullness and I
want to be part of the world of artists that help bring the colour, brightness and excitement back into life. I long for an audience that I can inspire, have interesting conversations with about things we're passionate about, and share my thoughts with. I aspire to help others and if I can do that through my writing, I will continue to do so with all my power and creativity.
Never Apologise for being yourself
I wrote a blog post like this back in 2014, and what I wrote, I truly believed I had overcome. I've learned in recent times, I hadn't. I was still keeping quiet about what happened in my day, the things I was excited by, the great book I had read, the great film I had watched. I kept quiet because my whole life people have told me 'Shut up, Bob. You're boring, no-one cares.' I have never apologised for being myself, but I've certainly tried to lock it
away from the rest of the world, for fear of being told I'm boring. I've been conditioned to cut myself short when speaking or expressing myself, due to fear of no-one caring. I understand that not everyone has the same interests and passions as me, but when I give everyone the courtesy of listening to them, it would be nice to get that same sentiment in return.
There are moments in this world where we feel lost to who we are. We don't truly understand who we are or what makes us tick. As time moves forward we turn into different people, and we need this change in order to grow. Let's use myself as a case study. I am not the same person I was five years ago. That girl was scared of her own shadow, untrusting of people, afraid of her own voice in public, and anxious about everything. Four years ago, I was a girl studying for GCSE's and being bullied, two years ago I was beyond stressed studying for my A-levels and choosing a university. The adversity I have overcome in my life has brought me to now; a confident young woman, driven by career pursuits, with the ability to get on a stage with ease, who will stand up for people and, most importantly, myself. I'm only 20 years old, I have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do, but the change I have gone through, and the difference in who I am today, is something, and someone, I’m proud of.
The struggles you go through and how/when you overcome them, are the true testament to how we develop and become stronger people. While I believe that we are always changing, I also believe that certain personality traits remain your whole life, and these things that have always been true about you should be cherished and worn like a name tag. Who cares if you've always been bossy? Own that. Who cares if you burst into song every other minute? Own that. Who cares if you're too loud or too quiet? Own that. You do not have to change for anyone else in the world, you're here to make the best life for yourself and that means being true to who you are (without hurting anyone, of course). The world deserves your beautiful attributes and the things that make you a unique individual, and you deserve to feel confident with who you are.
There's a quote by John Barrowman that reads, "Never apologise for being nerdy, because un-nerdy people never apologise for being assholes." I take the term 'nerdy' here to mean 'passionate'. You should never apologise for being passionate about something, whether that be a topic, film, television series, book, show, band, play, anything. If you're passionate about
it, you should not have to hide that or be looked down upon by someone who 'doesn't get it'. I love the things I like, it makes me, me. If someone doesn't want to listen to you talk about what you're passionate about they don't care about getting to know the real you, and thus are people you don't need in your life. If someone doesn't like what I like and wants to shout me down or belittle me for that, it’s not going to get to me anymore. Those people are so far from who I want respect from, and they aren't going to be the source of my happiness or people whose approval I seek. They mean nothing. I'm going to continue living my life the way that suits me best, and the way I'm happiest with, with the things that bring me the most joy.
Speaking for myself, I have always been different, not following the same trends as everyone in school, not following the advice of career mentors who wanted me to choose a safe profession, always liking what I like, just hiding it from the people who would scorn me for being myself; unique, independent and something new, something different. I'm not trying to fit into a stereotype and I'm not planning on getting lost in a herd of sheep like so many others. I’d rather be on the bumpy road with plenty of obstacles, on my own, than on the clear path that the rest of the population are squeezed on to. They’ll all be going to the same place, but I’ll face the difficulties to get to somewhere greater, with people who accept me for who I am and the things I love that make up my personality. I won’t pass over on to the road that is filled with people who are uncomfortable I themselves and trying to fit in, I’m not going to pretend to be someone I'm so clearly not.
As a side note, "It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." Be who you are. Don't let irrelevant people knock you down. It would be miserable and difficult to live a mundane life, void of everything that makes you happy because of other people’s judgment. If you don't fit into the worlds view of what you should be, how you should act, or what path you should follow, than fine! You will be living your life happier and freer than the people who conform and are miserable keeping up appearances.
Human Capability in a Miraculous World
Humans are capable of so much. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't believe in their own capabilities, in their own power to influence the world in a positive light. People tell them it's not possible for them to follow their dreams; the weight of the world becomes too much for them; push back after push back causes them to quit. The world has been robbed of so much talent, art, goodness, and change because no-one believed in them, or taught them to believe in themselves, so they gave up. It's such an injustice and shame that not everyone gets to follow their dreams or their passions, an even bigger injustice the world doesn't get to witness their talent or the beautiful things they can create and do. Our world is a miracle and shows us so much beauty, but we can't always see that in ourselves; society has taught us not to look.
Humans are capable of so much, but we can focus too much on the negatives in the world. It's easy to become engulfed in the allusion that this world has nothing to offer. You see the opportunities going to all the wrong people, untalented people thriving in space of those with the talent, people who work half as hard as you, getting further. It’s disheartening but it can't make you give up. Look up. It's a miracle to even be alive, we're on a floating ball in an expansion of space that could have no end. We have a finite time on this earth and need to make the most of it while we can. There are injustices in the world but as opposed to sitting around and putting your energy into being annoyed or frustrated, put your energy into furthering yourself, proving people wrong and building yourself up so that you eventually have a voice to fight for these injustices, and add something positive to this world. Our earth is miraculously beautiful, but the society we have created of unequal opportunities is not.
The world shows us beauty every day that we can ignore or be blindsided to. What with the stress of daily life, tasks at hand or other obligations, you can forget to take a moment to breathe and reflect. Sunsets, sunrises, the infinite number of stars littered in the sky. The canvas of the world gives us our own individual canvases to give that beauty back into it. That's where our own capabilities come in. If we choose to consciously see this beauty, it can inspire us to fight back, to fight for lives we want, experiencing the world through a fresh pair of eyes can fuel you with the fire to conquer it, live life to the fullest and reach your highest potential.
Life is unpredictable and sometimes amazing things happen that could never be imagined. I really do believe in 'que sera, sera', whatever will be, will be, life finds a way, all of those clichés. But those things don’t come naturally, you still have to work for that fate to take place as it should. If only we can find a way to soak up what we have been given and the blessings we do have around us, even the sky is one that we should soak up at every sunrise and sunset. It cradles us with its beauty our whole lives, it's a constant in a world and society forever changing, that's something to cherish, something stable.
In a thunderstorm you can appreciate the vibrant colours and the ferocity in the sounds that
erupt to reach our eardrums. We can appreciate this terrifying beauty but can't find the light on our own darkest days. The beauty is there if you can locate it. The will to do something is there if you locate it. The capabilities to be an amazing and successful human being are there, if you can dig deep and find it. It's all within you. You are a miracle and the world we're on is a miracle, use that to push you further.
This beauty can be in taking the time to truly listen to the melody of your favourite song, or the lyrics and their true meaning. It can be singing as loud as you can in the shower. It can be in the first sip of a hot cup of tea or coffee in the morning. It can be taking the time to soak in a bubble bath with a good book. It can be finding the time to start a new TV show or film for your own leisure. It can be the feeling of clean sheets on your body. It can be sitting back and appreciating that project you just finished, the excitement of starting a new one, how good a job you did at work, how great your school day was, the little things that went right in your day. Stopping to appreciate these things that are taken for granted every day could change your life massively to keep fighting; finally taking in and looking around you at the beauty in the world.
I feel this blog post is a bit mix and match, non sensical at times, and all over the place, but that's how life is. If you can find some comfort or beauty in this, you can find it in your own life. The simple things are sometimes the most beautiful yet go the most unappreciated. The simple things are going to be the things that spur you on to do the greatest things. You are capable of so much, look outside of yourself and within yourself to see that beauty, and give the world the gift that is you.
07.06.18 Book Launch
In November of 2017 I submitted a play and a poem to be considered for an annual anthology that the university publish. A month later I was accepted for both pieces and working with an editor to work out the kinks in them and get them in perfect publishing condition. Fast forward to June and I attended the launch of the book with my mum and best friend, Katie.
(QUICK SIDENOTE) The day previous to this I had gone to see Wicked at the Apollo Victoria Theatre with my other best friend, Lucy and while walking onto the train, did not 'mind the gap' as it were, and my right leg fell straight down. About 5-6 people on the train rushed to pull me up as I was in shock and likely I escaped relatively unharmed. My leg is as purple as Thanos, my tights were ripped, and I had scratches bleeding through, but it could've been a lot worse. Anyway, I had a slight limp as a result of this while walking to Greenwich.
My Mum parked up at Island Gardens and we took the footpath under the Thames to get to the University. The sky blessed me with a clear blue sky and a bright sun smiling over, with a slight breeze, the epitome of a perfect summer afternoon. We walked over to the Queen Anne building, welcomed by a screen displaying the anthology, as well as a snack table with an array of complementary wines (which I took full advantage of).
I spoke with a few people about the book, as well as my Playwriting teacher who had some very kind words to say about me to my mum, before we took our seats to find a copy of the book sitting atop them. A few better asked me to sign their copies which I was more than happy to comply with before the show started. My short story teacher gave a small speech about us being 'a part of British Literature forever' as the anthology is archived in the British Library. He then went on to call us 'talented writers' and believed we would all make it in the industry. We also may be getting contacted by literary agents and representatives once they get a copy of the book to read through and pick out their favourite writers.
After this inspiring speech it was time to do the readings of the work we published in the anthology. I was third up and I read my poem 'Intertwine'. Surprisingly, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be and it went swimmingly without those dreaded nerves that always make you pull out of things you want to do. Being on stage, performing my work felt- right. It's a feeling I always want to have, an applause is something I always want to hear, and the smiles on people's faces is something I always want to see. It all just felt, amazing.
Afterwards we helped ourselves to some more wine, took a lot of pictures and basked in the sunset of the sky, the brisk chill floating around, the remnants of heat still filling the air and the lights being turned on around the university. It was a perfect day to celebrate the launch on something I'm a part of. We then walked around Greenwich, taking the foot tunnel back
over, driving home and getting a takeaway to round off a brilliant day that inspired me to the fullest. The support given to me from my friends and parents, as well as the pride I see in my mum's eyes is enough to make my heart swell with happiness.
It's events like this that remind me why I love what I do and continue to pursue it.
‘But, you’re only 17’
Now that I'm 19 years old, this phrase is few and far between, but back when I first wrote this post as a 17-year-old, it was a constant cause of frustration in my life. It's a topic I feel strongly about and something I still want to address, for all the frustrated teenagers in the world who still have to hear this every day.
I have never understood how some people believe that age defines who you are. You are not just a number. There was a time when innocent people were categorised and reduced to just a number, no name, no identity, they weren't even seen as humans. Of course, this
is on a much larger scale, an extreme case, but the fact that in current times we assume what someone is like based on a number, their age, is too similar. It's like what someone has to say, think or feel, is completely thrown away as insignificant once their age is brought into the conversation, and this prejudging needs to stop.
We have all experienced at one time or another, being told, 'Oh, you'll understand when you're older.' It can be a parent’s signature catch phrase when you try to join in on a conversation, or an elder sibling’s mocking taunt to disregard your input. Everyone has gone through their own hardships and cruelties that life loves to throw at us. You can't assume someone has gone through less, had an easier life, or overcome little just because of their younger age. You can't assume, they know more or less about the world, or that they are more or less intelligent than you. You can't assume anything about anyone because of their age.
One of my favourite quotes is, 'Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty, it's not the time that matters it's the person.' This fits wonderfully with what I'm attempting to articulate. The idea that someone couldn't possibly know what they're talking about or understand a situation because of their age, is utterly ridiculous. Someone who is 14 with a passion for Shakespeare knows a lot more than a 50-year-old who has never picked up a play.
The ideology of society that the number tattooed upon your life plays such a significant role in the way people see or respect you, your knowledge, your lifestyle choices, goals, work ethic, beliefs, dreams, hobbies, interests or understanding of the world, is absolute rubbish. There is not a cut off point for people to enjoy things. Your age has no implication on the things you are entitled to like, the things that make up who you are, or the opinions you can share. Don't let anyone tell you you're too young to enjoy something, or too young to be part of a conversation that you are knowledgeable on. Your age shouldn't even come into question.
At what point do people stop looking at your age as a factor of your knowledge and understanding of the world? Does it ever stop? Or is society in a constant state of judging people based on how many years they have walked the earth?
An Open Letter to a Passed Pet
2003- 2nd June 2015 (16:45) AGED 12
RIP to my best friend, Scooby. My special pal since I was five years old. You are in my earliest memories and I'm so glad that we had the time we did have together, even though you deserved such a longer life. The most gorgeous, clever and precious cat to have ever walked the earth.
You are in my thoughts every day; I miss you with every breath. You were my world and continue to be. I still, to this day, can't believe I'm living without you in my life. I was blessed to have you and my heart aches when I realise I can never hold you again. You will always hold a piece of my heart and I promise that you will never be forgotten.
Even though you are gone I want you to know that it was the best life with you. You made me smile every day, you made me giggle with your strange habits, you taught me what it is to love unconditionally. You were there when I was having a bad day, you would snuggle in my lap when I was crying, you were so loving and special to me and will continue to be the best friend I ever had. I remember desperately wanting to come home from primary school every day, eager to see you, you were my first friend and I can't thank you enough for being the perfect little pet.
It tugs at my heart strings to write this, to have to refer to you in the past tense because you should still be here. We should still be making memories. You should be with me on my bed, right now, purring so softly and climbing all over me. Did you know I had to change my room layout after you went? I couldn't look at my room the same without you prying open my door or moulting on my duvet. My room is so different now you wouldn't recognise it, but I reckon you'd love my loft bed, you loved to climb.
It still saddens me that in your last days you could barely walk, climbing up the stairs was difficult, you wouldn't eat, or drink, you didn't even have the strength to purr. And then you had to be kept, alone, at the vets while they tried to fix you and they couldn't.
I will miss your eyes, your purr, your attentive meow, your pompous looks. It pains me to know that I can never see or hear you again, but you are out of pain; this was the one time in my life I couldn't be selfish. I'm happy that my voice and my face were the last things you experienced, I'm just sad that my last moments were the needle and the lifeless weight that pressed against my body when you fell under. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you, but I will always cherish the time we had and hope that I gave you the greatest life you could ask for.
Thank you, Scooby, for being the best cat and best friend a girl could ask for. I will love you forever and you will never leave my heart. As a tribute to Scooby, and the life of all our little creatures, I created this video. I hope you enjoy.
Feeling Trapped
We, as humans, always have to take the slower path. Going through the motions day by day. Agonisingly long days I might add. It's frustrating when you know exactly where you want to be but aren't there yet, and don't have the means to get there yet. It can take weeks, months, even years, but with patience and hard work it's possible to reach that destination, no matter how long. It's hard when you want to skip ahead, to see your life and exactly how it panned out but unfortunately, we can't. There is no fast-forward button, we have to experience
everything first-hand and make the decisions ourselves.
There is something that everyone alive on this planet wants and that is freedom. We believe we have it, but we don't, not really. Being forced into education for 14 years, then having to pursue further education or forced into a job just in order to survive. Being forced to decide on a career path while being called 'just a kid', what do you want us to believe? Are we capable adults able to make our own decision, or do you want to continue belittling us? In the early years of our lives we are trapped, and freedom is something we all crave. To be able to follow your dreams is something not everyone has the support system, time or money to do and that's the saddest part about being trapped, not being able to find the key.
You can be trapped in so many different ways. Trapped within the four walls of a video on a computer screen, never being able to connect or articulate fully. You can be trapped in the words of a blog post, a confined space in which no-one gets to know you, wholly. Trapped in a home that doesn't accept you, trapped in a system that wants to push you into any ol' job, trapped behind school gates, trapped in the thought process that you're not capable, trapped and restricted in what you can say or able to express. Suffocated by thoughts and ideas and creativity, all swirling inside your head, begging to be released but even they are trapped, your physical self-refusing or unable to express them. We are all trapped within ourselves until we eventually obtain the courage and determination to grab freedom with both hands, and finally be able to live our lives.
Escaping the trap may mean experiencing and experimenting with different things in order to determine what you like. It makes you feel like you are an avid part in deciding your own future and fate, as opposed to going through the motions and hoping things fall into your lap. But it's also magnificently haunting. One right or wrong path, one right or wrong decision could determine your entire life and that can scare anyone away from trying anything, in case it's the wrong choice. You can become lost in the dark without any light, and you can't see those steppingstones anymore, you can't even see a path. You can't see any direction and it becomes too daunting. But this doesn't mean you stop and wait for a light; you just keep walking. Waiting isn't fun, part of the fun of life is falling over and learning that you can pick yourself up again. It's the only way you can escape the trap.
As a personal anecdote, I think something that worries me about getting a part time job is that I'll get comfortable. It's happened to so many people. They get trapped within their job and find no means of escape because they'll lose that money, or they don't feel secure enough to leave. I've felt trapped my whole life, unable to get where I want to be and now that I feel a tiny bit freer, I'm scared I'll lose that by succumbing to the same safety fate of so many other people. What if I stop pushing myself once I'm making money, find no time for my passion and lose it all together? That terrifies me because it's just escaping one trap and falling into another, a cycle that needs to be broken by every individual.
As I write this, I must re-read it and remind myself that life isn't always about the good, it's going through the bad and knowing you will come out the other side shining. Find comfort in the fact that one day you will find your passion and you can make your dreams come true. You may not see the path yet, and that's fine, there is no time limit or expiration date on what you want to do. If you're still breathing, you can still do it and you can find freedom in that.
Dreams: Don’t let people tell you ‘no’
I created my first blog in 2014 when I was 16 years old and in my first year of Sixth Form. I needed a space to explore my creativity and build upon my writing muscle, even if only writing free verse, stream of consciousness type material. I had, and still do have, so many thoughts and I needed a place to expand on what I was feeling and thinking.
Moving into sixth form was a bit daunting for me. It was brilliant in the sense we had smaller classes for more focused learning and my confidence shot up, however there was that sense of confusion, fear and worry. I loved my lessons, don`t get me wrong, and my workload, while heavy and a massive step up from school, was manageable. However, half of my year were off getting part time jobs and were so excited about it. When I told people I didn`t have one, or didn`t want one, I was given strange looks and asked, `why not? `.
I know the world isn't simple, that not everyone has the opportunity to jump straight into a job that they love. 'A job is a job' as everyone loves to point out but that's never been my viewpoint. 'Do what you love' is the only option for me. Every day in Sixth Form we were hounded with questions about our careers, which university to attend, how we need to have a five-year plan or there's no point in us being there. Every day we were hounded with this fear and worry. Looking back on this now it seems ridiculous I allowed them to get away with this fear mongering and how my stress levels were elevated every day. I did what I had to do in the time I had to do it, not from the pressure from them, but from my own will and passion to do it.
Back then, I knew that I wanted to be a writer and an actor, but I refused to admit it to anyone (even myself), because I was told in Year 10 that I need to pick a realistic career, and so they limited 'Writer' to 'Journalist' and ‘Actor’ to ‘PR’. Being a creative was not an option to anyone in my school or sixth form. Having the creative freedom that university allows me, and that I allowed myself through blogging and my creative writing course pursuits, has made me such a happier person.
I could never limit myself to one job, I'm too restless and eager to learn more and experience more. I want to travel and write, I want to publish a poetry anthology, a short story collection, novels upon novels, non-fiction books, create stage plays, television shows, films, musicals. I want to be involved in film and theatre as both an actor and writer. I want to create stories, bring art to life on stage, be an advocate for charities and organisations, go on book tours, I just want to have a busy and unpredictable life full of fun, adventures and art.
I must admit I am abundantly lucky. I have parents who don't want me to get a part time job, they will always feed me, I'll always have a home and they treat my writing as a job despite my lack of earnings. They believe in me 100% and knowing I have their backing despite every other outsiders' lowly opinion of me, makes me push forward. The thing with writing is that I need that time to create. If I'm stuck in a retail job always tired, I'll always push aside
my writing. Or I may never find the time to manage my writing with a job and my university timetable, classes, workload and coursework.
I know what I want to do. It's been my passion since I was six years old when my Dad bought me a black notebook set and I would write Winnie the Pooh short stories. It's been my passion since I was nine years old and was cast as the lead role in my school's musical nativity. I'm finally admitting it, to myself, to everyone online. I'm going to try my hardest to make all my dreams and passions a reality, I've been in love with acting and writing for years and it's all I want to do.
Dreams are so important to have and please don't let your school (whether past or present) dictate what is realistic and what isn't, because you can pursue anything you want. Don't be alive to just live and go through the motions, live a happy and fun life, one of ultimate purpose and fulfilment.
15.06.18 Play Showcase
On the 14th of June I attended the rehearsal process for my play 'No Evil' that would be performing at the Greenwich Theatre Showcase the following day. On the same day I was also informed that the showcase had been mentioned on the 'Londonist' website, which was exciting. It was a very insightful day, but it was just slightly hard having to be so passive in the process. I was there solely as a reference point for material in the text. Not acting a part or directing, and having my script twisted by someone else made me feel at a loss within my own script, it was an uncomfortable
experience.
There are times I feel like I could just stick with writing, try to build a happy and complete life just handing over my work to others. This experience taught me I can't do that. I was watching the actors and trying to fill their shoes in my head, how things would be different if I was playing one of the parts. Similarly, because my script required a lot of technical staging, this was not possible for the theatre, budget and time allocated, so the stage directions were disregarded completely, and the director put her own spin on differentiating my 'dream world' from 'reality'. Don't get me wrong, I think she did a great job, but there's a lot I would've done differently. I know that writers do have to have the faith and trust to put their work into someone else's hands but if I want to be involved in all aspects and that's the dream, why not?
Fast forward to the Friday, the day of the event. I'll admit there was some trouble, especially nearing the end but these things happen, and it just taught me how easily things can go wrong. My friend and I got to the theatre five minutes before showtime and the realisation hit me, that people were going to be seeing (and internally judging) my play, my words. I instantly wanted to run or take my script back, so it couldn't be performed, but I knew that was just the anxiety talking as this is all I ever want to do, be involved in art and theatres. I took a breath and we went inside to the studio space of the theatre, taking a seat in the second row, where we were greeted with programmes of the event, my play being second to last of the 1:30-6pm showcase.
The first few acts were performed and what wasn't made aware to us beforehand was that this would be more so a 'reading' than a performance. The actors, acted, of course, but they all had scripts in hands. Albeit I should've seen this coming as I'm not sure anyone could learn a script, cues and blocking in a 2 & 1/2-hour session the previous day. There were no costumes or props it was merely a showcase of the writing, which was fine, I just wish I'd known this beforehand. The first break happened, and I noticed that three plays that were meant to be shown in the first half weren't. I knew they couldn't skip them and knew they couldn't run
over time. Mine being second to last, I worried it may never be shown due to their time budgeting.
The second half started, and I continuously checked my watch for time, they finished the three that should've been in the first part and then took a third break. This was when I saw my playwriting teacher looking for me. She wandered over and apologised profusely as they had to cut the longest plays by half, meaning only half of my play would be shown. I was admittedly gutted but was relieved that at least something of mine was being shown, despite the nerves to watch it from afar.
It finally got to my play and I shrunk down in my seat, I had never felt so watched without being on stage, so full of pressure for it to be good, and such worry that it would be bad. As the first line was spoken, what I can only assume was a drunk man wandered into the studio space shouting, he was loud and obnoxious asking for directions, and even when told to quieten down, he was still loud. This caused my head to turn bright red and the actors on stage to start laughing, ruining the tone of my dark opening completely. The actors did their best to return from this but as the play went on I was picking apart everything. One was way too melodramatic in their line delivery (not my intention in the script), another couldn't find her page, another was skipping lines or making her own up. It was not a showcase of my best work, let's just say that.
The best part of the day by far was the Industry panel that was delayed by an hour because of the schedule malfunction. From 7-8pm I spoke to someone from the National Theatre, two producers of playwriting competitions and another writer in the midst of writing a musical. I got to ask my questions on experimentation with writing and taking on a directorial role along with writing, to which I received some insightful and inspiring answers.
The day was not a huge success, but it was an enjoyable day, a steppingstone and a learning experience. In live theatre, not everything goes according to plan, but you can recover from that. More than anything it's taught me that I want to be involved in every aspect of bringing a play or musical to the stage, which involves acting in it, if not directing the action or scenes.
I am thrilled that I was chosen from a large group of people and plays, it really was an honour that the theatre liked my play enough to want to include it in the showcase. I just wish the option had been there to act in it and work more with the director as opposed to a passive part in the process. But as I've said, the day was worth it, it gave me a lot to work with on the short play, and I learned a lot more about the industry, and most importantly the roles I want to play within it.
Chapters in a story
There is a reason why our lives are referred to as stories, it's because we have chapters. New beginnings, intense middles and tearful/happy endings. The chapters we have lived through are always there to re-visit, we can flick the book back to re-read. The memories will always be there, they'll never end, they are alive in words and photographs within the pages, despite being long gone. Those chapters show different people as we grow.
I have grown a lot, but I still look to that ten-year-old version of me; would she be proud of the person I am? Would she approve? Am I following the path she wanted for me? Those people you were in the past are still within you, they make you up, they live on somewhere we can't reach, but we remember them.
Every book ever read, every film ever watched, ever scraped knees, bruises, scars or tea stains are a reminder of something; of who we once were, or what we experienced at that time. I hold myself accountable for being someone who pokes fun at who I used to be. I had glasses, braces, terrible posture, skin and style; a shy little girl who was scared of her own shadow and everyone around her. Because I'm so far from that girl, I can look back and laugh, I've grown so much it really is like two distinct people. I'm now loud, bubbly, eccentric, not afraid of how I dress, what I like, or what I look like. I wish I could give past me the confidence I exude now. Despite all of this, she got me through the hardest times, and I thank her in abundance for that. I'm not ashamed of her, I'm proud of, I am her, she is still a part of me, but I feel so disconnected from that version of myself because she is a past chapter, far from the page I'm on now.
I was and still am working to be the best person and reach my goals. My past selves have done so much for me. Nine years ago, a girl walked through the gates into her first day of Secondary school. Four years ago, a girl got me through GCSE's, two years ago, a girl got me through A-levels and into my dream university. You are never the person you were yesterday; we should be striving to grow and mature every day. Slight changes happen that a few chapters down the line you realise made up huge changes in you, you don't realise this until you have the ability to look back.
When you look at a novel, the pages are full to the brim of adventures and memories of characters we don't know yet, just waiting to be picked up and discovered. I believe that is what our lives are like. Completed books with your name stamped on the cover but you're not allowed to binge the book all at once. The experiences and accomplishments yet to be lived are in the pages ahead which are under lock and key. The memories that you will forever cherish are just a few pages back and will always be there. While it's nice to look back you
can't do it forever, because then your present chapters will be repeats of the past, and there's no growth in that. You can look back but not live there, or the brilliant story of your life will never be finished.
Time is an important role in these chapters. Every day, the ones you love and the things you cherish are always at risk of flaring and fading forever. We're not blessed with the gift of foresight and so have to live in the now, or risk losing what we have. It's terrifying to live with this knowledge, that you can have something one second and in the blink of an eye it can be gone. Stolen from you without so much as a chance to say goodbye. Time is so precious; you never quite appreciate that saying until something you had a moment ago is no longer yours.
Humans are always worrying about the next deadline, a lot of our pages will be the result of this waiting, or wasting, or wishing away time, you need to make the time you have count and try to escape life with as little of those worrying pages as possible. In our culture today, a lot of people wish away 50 weeks of their life for the bliss of a two-week holiday. That's only 14 days of 364 that you are looking forward to, the only time you're making count. Animals have no concept of time, which is why when you leave the house for five minutes, they are excited for your return, they don't know how long you've been gone for. The time you spend with them means the world to their short lives, they have to make every second count. We need to lead by our pets' example and cherish every waking moment with the things and people we love, showing them love at every possible moment, because you don't know when you'll turn the page and they won't be on it.
Time is the reason why we take photographs for our life books. It's because we know that the image in front us in the moment is going to disappear soon, turn to dust. The people, the scene, the event, none of it is eternal, but in a photograph, it can be. They capture a moment and while you wish you could jump back in and re-live it all again, it would never be the same, just like the pages in your book, pre the present chapter. Whether those people who you shared the past with are in your next chapter, you still need to turn the page. Remember all your firsts because you never know when they will be your last.
As I've said above, we grow and mature as we get older, and we can't live in the past, but we can look back, we can enjoy and appreciate what has come before. Just remember, whoever is reading this, don't forget what it was like to be a child, that carefree spirit needs to be carried into adulthood. The feeling of freedom and the ability to have fun in any situation. Don't forget what it was like to be a teenager, sympathise with those lost kids on the train making too much noise, they are trying to find their way in the world and haven't learned all there is yet, give them a break to be young. I like to think of my chapter headings as my ages, so that I always remember how I grew in that year of my life. Remembering what I was like at different ages is like a map of progress. Too many people want to grow up too fast and end up losing the child within them. Don't let that happen to you, look to those early chapter and remember, after all: 'There's no point being a grown up if you can't act childish sometimes.'
Corrupted Beauty Standards
I’m putting myself on display here. This is a list of all of my features that people have said are ‘not good enough’, have been ridiculed or I have been told should change.
My eyes: they are too ‘squinty’ or not big enough.My nose: It’s ‘too big’ and ‘unproportionate’ to the rest of my face. My skin: It’s not clear enough, I ‘really should wear makeup’. My face: It’s ‘too round’ or ‘too chubby’. My boobs: are not big enough. My bum: is too big. My thighs: are ‘too stumpy’ because I am so short. My height: I’m too small ‘only 5ft 1’ My feet: are too small and ‘look like they haven’t formed properly’.My hands: see above. My teeth: aren’t white enough and ‘getting wonky again’. My lips: are too thin, no upper lip, I should ‘get injections’.
Every single feature of mine has been picked apart and I’ve been made to feel like everything about me is worthless. None of these supposed flaws came from my own head. I never thought anything was wrong with me. I didn’t think anything was wrong with anyone. I just saw us all as human beings that looked different from each other, and if everyone looks different than either everyone is perfect, or no-one is. There can’t be a societal ideal when everyone has individual features that mix and match from person to person. People have put these ideas and doubts inside my head and stitched them into my subconscious to make sure I don’t forget that I’m wrong. These comments don’t just come from the old school bully, they come from my family too, so these comments have become inescapable.
These are parts of my body that I once loved and am trying to love again, but I think the damage may already be done; the seed is already planted, the software is already corrupted. These features, I took no notice of them until they were pointed out to me and I was told that they didn’t match up to societies standard. I used to see no flaw in my feet or my hands, but now that’s all I see when I look at them. I used to love my big bum and my small boobs until I was told that they were an excess and a lack of. I used to love my eyes, the colour and the shape, until I was told not to. I used to accept my facial flaws until I was bullied into wearing makeup to hide it. I never used to notice my nose until it was repeatedly pointed out to me. I didn’t know that lips were meant to be big to be considered beautiful, I thought they were just lips. I didn’t know a specific height was preferred to another, literally something we have NO control over. I never used to see myself as my weight but now that’s all I see. What society deems as beautiful changes every few years, so why change myself for the now? The fact that it’s in flux all the time just shows there’s no real definition because everyone should see themselves as beautiful creatures.
None of this used to matter to me. I was just myself, interested in my studies, my books, my TV shows, my films, my theatre, the things that make me, me. I have lost friends because they were so centred around their self-image that nothing mattered more to them then losing the weight, getting the makeup perfect and having the hair. Friendship didn’t matter to them if it was tarnishing their image and reputation. I saw and see people as the things they loved, the jobs they did, the way they spoke, their passions, their fears, themselves; not the features they acquired through their parents’ genes.
Now here is a list of things I have no control over without surgery, things born to me: My eyes, my nose, my skin, my face, my boobs, my bum, my height, my feet, my hands, my lips. Literally everything aside from weight are things I have no control over unless I want to modify my entire self. And even down to my weight, I'm happy. I love my curves and am comfortable in my own skin, why would someone want to take that confidence from me? I don’t want to be consumed with the idea of ‘I must lose weight’ because that leads to dangerous territory, and I would much rather focus my energy on something productive.
None of this mattered until I was repeatedly told these features weren’t good enough, told to change, told that for society to accept me I had to have these specific features to be considered ‘pretty’. It’s ridiculous that only once they were pointed out to me was when I deemed it a flaw. I believe that the people who did and are doing this to me, are so wrapped up in their image, so self-conscious of themselves they have to tear other people apart who are just getting along with their life and who are unbothered by their physical attributes. They need to feel good about something, so they make out other people are worse than them to gain some sort of superiority. It’s pathetic and sad.
I was never one to want to wear make-up until I felt forced to. I was never one to care about all the new facial creams until I felt forced to. I was never one to care about my weight, in fact my cousins and I used to have competitions to see whose belly could form the most rolls (I miss those days). I would rather focus my energy on my writing or acting or filmmaking or analysing books/TV/film or writing essays or reading than having to spend energy worrying about what I look like. When did such a stress get put on this? I want everyone to see each other as who they are, not what they look like. Give it a couple of years and the standards for beauty would’ve turned on its head again, and everyone will be wanting to change and modify themselves back to fit that. Don’t be one of those people that wastes all of their time worrying and obsessing over these trivial things. Be comfortable with who you are and what you look like, because I sure am and I’m not changing for anybody.
Pick n Mix Post
By Bobbie May Corleys
1. In A Split Second
Life changing moments happen in a split second. A yes or no decision, a left or right path, to do or not to do something, to go for that seemingly small opportunity and it turns out to be something greater. It could be the moment you are accepted to your dream job or school or the moment you get your degree. All these things happen in a second. It takes ages to work up to something but it's the second you have it that is the life changing, heart stopping and magical moment. Just one second, and it's terrifying to think, what if I've missed my mark or made a wrong decision? It's a scary thought but I like to believe that what's meant to happen will.
You can attend drama school and audition for months until you're completely run dry, but it's the phone call announcing you've got the part that is the life changing moment. The moment one's book is approved and then its publication date, not the writing process. The moment a script is going to be produced and then its premiere, not the rehearsal process. These middle parts are gruelling (and if you love what you do, fun) but it's the acceptance and the end result that are those life changing moments. These split-second moments and decisions on both yours and other people’s parts are the most important, they change lives and change history.
Take a moment to imagine a world where Conan-Doyle didn't decide to change his famous main characters names to Sherlock and John, history would change. Imagine if J.K Rowling didn't pursue the inkling in the back of her mind to explore the world of a boy wizard, history would change. The world is full of small moments, decisions and changes like this, so crucial yet so miniscule at the time, that develop into something greater. If only one could see the future they create by making these split-second decisions, because in the grand scheme of things, these change the future and the world. It's why you're so important, it's why you're on this world, to make a difference. Build up your life with these moments, they'll keep you on your toes, turn your world in every direction, and can change the world entirely. A thunderstorm always has its last strike, the rain always has its final drop, these moments are small but part of a grander scheme.
2. Photography
I love photography. I love being able to capture and personify moments in the form of a picture that spreads over the four walls of a camera screen. I love the way a few adjustments and the tilt of a camera lens can create magic. It is an art form. Mastering that click of a button to frame such works of art. It is truly an underestimated form of creativity and beauty that can incarcerate such wonders.
Photographs capture the unknown and the unseen. They take on a new lease of life. Something so miniscule and unseemly can be transformed into this wonderfully exquisite form of art. It just takes the right person to capture it in such a way that it leaves one speechless at how something could appear so beautiful.
3. 'We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.'
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” is a phrase my mother tries and tries to drill into my head. While I’m bombarding her with questions and doubts about my future, this is all she will say. When I was worried about University:
“But what if I don’t get the grades and can’t get into University?”“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”“Ok, but what if it’s years before I get a break, or never even get one, what if I’m
constantly rejected for work, be it writing or acting?”“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
I’ve noticed my catchphrase seems to be ‘what if’ while my mother’s is ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it’. I think that truly highlights our differences. I live in the future while my mum lives in the present. For me, I need to worry about these things now but for her they have not happened yet and so are out of reach to be meddled with.
There’s that old saying, ‘The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is now, live in it’. I’m not preparing for my future I’m trying to dive bomb straight ahead in the story, thankfully I have my mum to remind me that there is no point in fretting about the days ahead and forgetting to live in the days present. I need to make the days count instead of counting the days.
Part One: Visualising your Projects
For me, visualising my projects, using creativity to create something tangible to view, is one of the things that has helped me so much in organising my thoughts, time, and work. Similarly, it helps speed up my process; creativity in this form gets me more excited to embark on (or continue) a project and thus motivated to do the work. It straightens out my brain; I can see the ideas and so I feel more concentrated and focused on what I'm doing than ever before.
The first two pictures of my 'Novel Idea' spread are examples of what I create for big projects. I cannot stress enough, the importance of compiling those smaller ideas into one space, into coherent sentences, and into a tangible object that you can work with, as opposed to everything floating in your head or in a word document that remains closed. For things like exploring a novel idea, a stage play idea or a film/TV project, I'll create big mind maps like these with a twist, the creative twist. No simple bubble in the centre followed by lines of text that get lost among a black and blue sea of ink. It must pop. Colours, materials, washi tape (patterned tape), shapes, textures, glitter, whatever you want. You'll create something alive with colour and art by using the right side of your brain which will only ignite further creativity, making you ever more productive in your endeavours. A Win-win situation.
Since finding my love of washi tape, I've researched other people's use of it and used my own ideas, plus the coloured paper, to separate points of interest. Like I mentioned above, when I would brainstorm, ideas were lost in plain ink that all seemed to merge together, having different sections like this have drastically improved it visually. As well as this, it makes the process more fun for me, and it has helped spark my creativity in terms of the context of what I was planning. For example, creating the mind map for my novel idea, excited me to get started on the project as opposed to stewing over the idea, and never making moves on it. Other forms of creativity can really help focus you on another.
They're helpful because I find it crucial to have something I can hang up and refer to, always in my face, unavoidable, and a constant reminder of how passionate I am about completing the project. They are fun, get your creative juices flowing, and allow progression in a work project while enjoying the planning process (which I know many people despise).
Next we have the poetry and prose sheets which I created using my HP Pavilion x 360. The laptop has been a dream come true for me in terms of getting things done and expanding my creative side. It being touchscreen, a pen is available, meaning I have been able to illustrate my poems and design/create productive checklists like the two I have added in this post. I added a key along with working titles of the pieces. The key is as followed: WRITTEN, for when I had a rough draft, EDITED, the first edit, COMPLETE, a third and final read through for any missed mistakes and PRINT, when I had printed and added it to my portfolio. It has helped me keep track of my in-progress work and when I could or should move on to another.
Following this, I have provided a screenshot of how I organise my many ideas. For a bit of background, I have two huge bookcases in my room, one shelf of which is holding all of my many notebooks. I accidentally opened One-Note on my laptop one day and found how incredibly useful it was, as opposed to hundreds of word documents. If you have Office, One-Note is a Godsend. I can split tabs, hold different ideas all in one place, and categorise, so when I want to write or explore an idea, I can sift through the tabs, pick one and work on it. It's especially helpful as you can share notebooks remotely through different devices. So, if I'm on the go, on transport or away from home? It's on my laptop. At home? My desktop.
Even walking? My phone. I used to go on holiday and take three or four different notebooks in my hand luggage to work on the flights, One-Note has changed that! I can now organise all of my ideas into one neat place.
Since writing this post I have created a third-year spread (similar to the Novel Idea spread) for all of my reading, and assessments for my final year of University (I go more in depth with this in my University Organisation blog post coming later). These spreads really are useful for anything and everything involving planning. I have all of mine hung above my desk so that they are a constant focus in my life. Seeing the blank spaces makes me eager to fill up the page, bringing me ever closer to finishing a project, and with the novel/stage play spreads, every time I look up at them I'm filled with a deep desire to work on the project because I'm excited by the ideas again.
I cannot recommend this enough for creatives or anyone who has a lot of work or ideas muddling around in their head and need a way to sort it out, while taming that creative fire that so desperately needs to be expressed.
I hope this blog post has helped in some way, whether you were actively looking for something like this, or stumbled on it by happy coincidence. I'm immensely glad I started to do this, and I hope it can help you focus on your own projects and/or work/university.
Signing off on the first blog post of three.
Part Two: Bullet Journal Weekly Spreads
Now we get to one of my newfound favourite things, weekly spreads. Previously I've used my bullet journal for doodles, keeping track of films, music and books I've gotten through, plus as a scrapbook for all of my theatre and concert tickets. I've never really felt the urge to experiment with weekly spreads, that was until I found huge inspiration through videos, images, and the use of washi tape, and the passion was ignited. I suddenly had this deep desire to create my own, specifically as a dedication, and a way to document, my final year of university- all of the work I will have done, all of the homework and notes gotten through, all of the reading, and any and all events I would've attended in aiding my degree. I want to look back on my final year and remember it all, perhaps even marking it as humble beginnings in my career and life ahead.
I made a video last year explaining how I use a bullet journal for creative freedom, I'll link that in this blog post if you want further, miscellaneous ideas to experiment with for your bullet journal adventure. However, in this post, I will be explaining the benefits of the weekly spreads, how it can keep you on top of everything, the fun of making them, how it has, and is, helping me with a very busy and hectic final year, and how I've decided to make mine.
Firstly, I'll address how I've decided to make mine. Every week has a different colour theme due to my vast (and growing collection) of washi tape. A different colour a week provides me with a theme and allows me to make key distinctions between my weeks.
Otherwise, you can use the tape to colour code. For example, having a different colour, or sequence of patterns, to differentiate term 1 and term 2. The pattern design is up to you dependant on the week, just make sure the weeks stand out from each other. An important thing to remember is that spicing up the layout and colour scheme makes the process more fun to make and design.
Whatever pattern of tape I've decided to use in the week, I'll strip at the bottom of the page as an indicator of the different weeks. I then use the same tape as day headers to which I'll write the day atop it, saving time on bold fonts while still being the standoff feature on the page, and a distinction from the rest of the writing that goes underneath- my tasks for the day/what is, or where I'm, due.
I also chose to have, somewhere on the page, both a section for the date of the week commencing (a calendar doodle) and an outlined 'To Do List' box. You can experiment with how you want these to look, whether drawn or using washi tape as the outline (I've done both). These are useful for keeping track of dates in your week ahead (since we're using a bullet journal, not a diary) and highlight individually what is due or needs doing urgently in the week.
In terms of time, I created my term 1 weekly spreads all in one go as opposed to on a weekly, as you need them, basis. You never know when you're going to have a busier week, and not finding the time to make your weekly spread is going to be detrimental to your keeping on top of them. I would suggest, as I have done, doing a bunch at a time. Once January hits and I
still have a few days before I'm back to University, I'll be making my term 2 weekly spreads all in one, the last bunch before I'm finished with my university life.
In addition to how I use my weekly spreads, and something I didn't think of until a few weeks into starting to write in and use them, is a key to differentiate tasks, deadlines, classes, and my own personal activities. The key has changed as the weeks have gone on and I've refined it into categories. Of course, you can use whatever is useful/necessary to your day to day activities but for me, I use the following seven key headings:
1. UNIVERSITY (when and where my classes are) 2. H/W (writing up notes/my reading/exercises) 3. PERSONAL (friends/family events, my own adventures/trips out) 4. BLOG (writing/editing/posting) 5. VIDEO (script writing/filming/editing/thumbnail/posting) 6. WRITING (working on my own portfolio of prose/poetry/plays etc)7. DUE (deadline dates for assessments/competitions/applications)
And, of course, following these headings, which are written in colour, are their respective details written in blue Biro.
As I've mentioned above, I sat down one weekend and hashed out all of mine for my first term, September to December, and had great fun doing so. I'm a naturally creative person so I love anything where I can sit and draw, write, be crafty or use stationary. For these spreads I had the basic essentials: the notebook, a sharpie for the washi tape, different patterned washi tape, fine liners and a classic Biro pen for writing. I could juggle other tasks while making them (for example, I was watching some of my university introductory module video lectures, because I hadn't yet started the term) and knew the end result would be as satisfying as the in-progress work. You can easily occupy your mind with other things while being creative, crafty and productive in more ways than one.
The fun and creativity of making these spreads has provided me with the urge and want to follow through with them. Since then, my productivity has improved, my stress levels have decreased (knowing when everything is due) my memory has improved and I always find myself completing all of the tasks I set for the day, as well as the work I have due, when it is due. Naturally, this has been crucial for my final university year. I have four big projects in third year, as well as all the other assessments, day to day class work, homework, and time for writing, writing blog posts and filming videos, without these weekly spreads, I fear I would've succumbed due to the sheer amount of work I'm juggling. I find, and always have found, having a physical list to refer to is the best thing for productivity, and even better now when they're fun to create, and look beautiful on the page. Get those ideas and plans out of your head and plan that day by day schedule every week!
Never before have I felt so empowered by my own scheduling and stuck to everything I've written down, which is why I'm making this blog post. For anyone who has ever struggled to
stick to their endless to do list; for anyone who wants to start a bullet journal but lost as to where to start; for anyone looking for a creative outlet, whilst also doing something productive or helpful to your life/schedule. These weekly spreads are a godsend and I couldn't imagine staying afloat in third year without them. They take minimal time, allow you to be creative, and help split up the week and see what and when things must be done, leaving no room to forget or put off work.
Part Three: How I Organise University Life
The final instalment of my 'How to' series is how I organise my University work and notes, keep track of deadlines and homework, prep work before the year starts for a helpful head start to the heavy workload, intermixing creativity with academia to stimulate both of my passions, the separation of folders/notebooks for different modules, etc. I must preface this post with the fact that I'm in my third year of university and my course is a joint honours entitled, Creative Writing and English Literature, as such it is devised into four modules, two for each course. So, I will be discussing how I divide my work accordingly.
My favourite thing to do before the new Uni year starts is to buy my stationary (yes, I am one of those). I always start off with four new folders for my four modules. I write up notes after a class for the two Literature courses which are separated into packs (by novel, for my novel-based course) or by coloured dividers and plastic wallets (by play, for my theatre/drama-based course) and both go in the bigger folders respectively, one for each literature module. For my creative modules, I have two smaller folders for any class handouts as all of my notes are in the two notebooks for their respective class (the blue for novel writing, the pink for my project class).
My Literature modules revolve around lecture and seminar classes, whereas my Creative modules revolve around workshops. Lectures are where you'll get the bulk of your information such as dates, figures, history, themes of the text etc, so for this I use One Note on my laptop to get down everything the lecturer is saying as to not miss anything. At my University, they upload the lecture slides after a lecture is over, so once at home, I'll sync up and copy all of my electronic notes, along with the lecture slides, nicely into written notes on standard lined paper. A seminar is more so a group discussion of the text, exercises in close reading and practice writing for exams. Any extra information I get in the seminar is also typed up on my laptop and copied along with the lecture notes at a later date. This means I get every drop of information possible, while having neat notes and a perfectly organised folder.
As I've mentioned above, one thing I've found useful is not to spend time copying down the information on the slides (as Universities normally have a portal to upload the slides onto for later referral like mine does). To keep track of syncing the notes up, I write the first word of the slide or quote, and then bullet point underneath what the lecturer says about that point.
Workshops are completely different. Workshops are the result of bringing in work to show others, getting feedback as a group, doing creative exercises to get the juice flowing, some information groundwork such as structure, genres, how to, mistakes to avoid etc, but for the most part, it's easy to follow the class and write at a natural pace, keeping everything neat, tidy and organised in my notebook. So, for the two creative modules, I can write in my notebook during class and not worry about copying things up afterwards unless for a specific homework task. The notebook is much more helpful in those because of the creative aspect, and I find I'm more creative with pen in hand.
Prep work for Uni is something I started on a whim this year and thank my past self every day for doing so. During the summer, I had a lot of time to work on my writing portfolio but as third year crept along I had a sudden surge of panic, possibly due to realising it's my final year and it counts as 75% of my degree. The past two years I hadn't felt an urge to get a head
start because my whole academic life I've been above average and catch up quickly. But this year I wanted to put in more time and effort (which for me is 150% of the 110% I always make) to do work beforehand. I wanted to create an 'information page' for all texts I'm doing, with all relevant info that could fit on an A4 sheet, and to make it as fun for me as possible with font designs, bubble designs and colours. For plays, I got the necessary dates, theatres, performances, characters, themes, historical context, all things I knew were going to be necessary. Similarly, with novels, focusing on in depth research on detective fiction origins as that's what we're studying this year, as well as summaries etc. Thank God I was given my reading list early in the summer because that, and my research, was a godsend this year. I've been aware of things not yet discussed in class and feel myself more grounded in knowledge than ever before. Just this week we had a Drama essay due and I fear without my prep work, my essay would've been less satisfactory than I would've liked, but I feel more confident with my writing this year. It's something I'd definitely recommend.
For both Literature folders and my two Creative notebooks I wanted to create a title page to extend some of my creativity. Using washi tape as borders and then different fonts I had seen online; I created my own introductions to each module. This was done as a keepsake to remember my final year of university and the final modules I studied, as well as to have some fun doodling before the year began.
You'll also see in my collage of pictures above, a bulletin board. This has helped me so much in all three of my University years. The left side is to hang notices, important information and deadlines for other projects. The right side I created a four-set grid with each module title, and this is where I write all of my homework or things to do by the following week for each class. I can't tell you how much more I look at this, pay attention and remember things than when I'd write it in a book or on my laptop. I'd highly suggest investing in one of these combo boards (I say investing, mine was £3).
The last thing to mention when it comes to organisation is the A3 blue and pink sheet I created that you can see above. This sheet was made in addition to the ones you may have seen in the first post of this series, 'Visualising your projects'. On the right hand side I've got smaller squares which are stuck on with washi tape for a colourful effect and are all of the texts I am to read in Year 3. In the middle at the top is my class timetable for the year, and the bottom is a box to list all relevant material that has helped with my final creative project for the bibliography next year. On the left are the 12 coursework pieces I am to write and complete this year, three for each module. I used these pre-cut post it notes in Year 2 and had them on my bulletin board to tear down once completed. However, because I want to have keepsakes and memories from my final University year, I wanted to have them all in one space, on one sheet, where I could be creative in its design and just tick off as they're completed.
So, with all this being said, I think I have explored all that I do to keep myself organised in University, as well as tips for those maybe considering, or currently in, a similar degree to mine. My two years at University I have learned so much and grown so much as an artist, academic and individual. It's sad that I only have one year of learning left, and only one year left of the best course and best university I could've chosen. Every coursework and exam has been a first or 2:1 (which I'm hoping and working on happening this year too) and part of that is due to my incredibly tight handle on organisation, integrating creativity with academia as a memory and productivity tactic, and how I section off each module.
Good Luck on your own path in organisation or embarking on/finishing your university experience.
‘This will be my year'- will it?
'This year will be my year,' I've said every year since 2015. I started Sixth Form at the end of 2014. My two years there, plus my three University years have been the biggest in terms of self-reflection and improvement, hence I always start the year with that optimistic phrase many others adorn. It was 2016 when I started writing a diary, organising my time and documenting every single day. 2017 and 2018 I kept up this new-found tradition, leading us to this year, 2019. Taking the time to write the events of every day over the years, I've always had it in my mind that 'this diary' will be the documentation of my perfect year. Surprise, that's not happened. Perfect is a goal you set for yourself, it's not an objective prospect, but by my own ideals and standard, I haven't hit perfect yet.
I have always said 'this will be my year', and while the past five years have been filled with many accomplishments (high grades in A-levels, mini adventures, getting into my first-choice university) they haven't been 'my year'. If I'm being honest, and adhering to my standards, they were average at best.
2019 is different. It feels different, and it has been different since we leaped into it. My organiser for 2019 has a few pages at the beginning that allow you to write a review of your 2018, your vision of 2019 (how will you look/feel, where will you be, what do you want for the year etc) and different new year’s resolutions. So, when I started this diary already thinking about what last year was like and what I want to change for the year ahead, as well as all I want to accomplish, I was already starting the year with a positive outlook. Possibly why 2019 felt different from the offset.
The first seven days of January were spent revising for an exam I had on the 8th. I took the exam and a week later learned I had gotten a first. I filmed two videos: a roundup of my 2018 memories, and a Christmas presents haul video, and I uploaded a few poems to my poetry Instagram. One of my biggest resolutions this year is to read more. I adore books. So much so that everyone compared me to Matilda when I was younger, but it's one thing I always let slip through the cracks in daily life. In January, however? I had managed to read four books. I was back to University by the 17th. Back to a schedule and the beginning of the last 12 week stretch of my final Uni year. Finally, I saw two theatre shows: Motown the musical and The Cane. In 30 days, I was writing and reading more than ever, and was sparked with a new lease of: optimism, (from my first) productivity, (from my projects and reading) excitement, (from University starting) and enthusiasm (from getting out of the house to do what I love- theatre). It's safe to say that from all the positives that January brought, my year was off to a brilliant start.
February was even better. Kicking off with my sister's and mum surprising me with a New York trip booked for November as a 21st birthday present. I got amazing feedback from my prologue, chapter one and two extracts that I presented during my novel writing workshop. Which gave me the motivation to continue, plus faith that my novel idea, and execution in writing, was something viable and good. I had a slight sickness bug during one weekend of February but bounced back fairly quickly which I am grateful for. My nephew's birthday rolled around, and the family gathered to have a delicious meal at Brewers Fayre. Finally, my friend and I went on a London Eye River cruise as well as the London Eye on the 16th. It was another month of productivity, this time on my novel writing, elation for New York, and some lovely social outings with friends and family.
March, oh March. On the 1st I had an assignment due for one of my modules (which I got a first on too). On the 2nd, my friend and I booked a holiday for a week in Portugal. Katie's never been out of the country before, and I've never travelled without my family, so this is a frightening but exciting adventure for the two of us and I cannot wait. I had another coursework assignment on the 11th, grade waiting to be confirmed. Finally, my niece's birthday rolled around, and the family gathered again for a fantastic meal at TGI Friday's. I don't want to prejudge the rest of the year by the first three months, I don't want to jinx anything, but I hope that this is telling of how the rest of the year is going to be. I have a summer holiday booked with my best friend, I am finishing my three year adventure at University, my 21st Birthday is around the corner, my graduation follows shortly after, I'm hoping to travel more in the summer, get a writing job, finish my novel, work on more projects and visit New York- the place I've been dreaming of seeing for years.
I want this blog post to serve as a reminder to myself. To remember that great things take time, great years are made, not born, and to always greet everything with optimism. I can be a rather cynical and pessimistic person at times, but one thing I've never failed at is telling myself, 'this is going to be my year' and after some average years and some awful years, 2019 (so far) has been phenomenal. Maybe it won't seem that way to an outsider looking in. Maybe these things are trivial or small to other people. But I started this post by saying that perfect is subjective and I stand by that. MY 2019 is looking perfect to ME, and that's what counts.
I wish 16-year-old me could read this. To catch a glimpse of what 20-year-old me is up to this year. All the hope I have for the future that young me didn't because she was too scared. All the excitement I feel for working in a creative field. All the plans I have that I'm desperate to set into action. Young Bobbie had nothing but dreams she was told wouldn't come true, and while I'm still a girl with a head full of dreams, I have something 16-year-old me lacked, determination and optimism that everything will be fine. I've allowed things to fall out of my life that should never have been there. I've welcomed change. I've kept my head in the clouds while keeping my feet firmly on the floor to make the steps, plans and choices I've had to in the present.
I'm getting out of the house more (something I've struggled with). Meeting up with family.Getting excited for the first time in three years for, not one, but two holiday countdowns.I'm allowing myself to feel proud of my firsts, my coursework and obtaining a degree I know I've worked so hard for.I'm excited for opportunities to come, not scared of them anymore. I can see the limitless nature of the future and what it holds for me, I'm not clouded by fog anymore.
The first three months of 2019 have been amazing. If this continues, I'll be glad to say that 2019 has been 'my year'.
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