Transcript
8/14/2019 The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
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The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
Big picture
The core values that are close
to my heart are Trust,
Service, Humour & Fun and
Love. I try hard to
demonstrate conscious, joyful
human living. To serve and
make a difference for others
is what makes me happy. This is a matter of
self-interest for me. If I can make it a better
and happier world for others, it is a better
and happier world for me too.
My life story
I knew from a young age that I was
„different‟. I did not seem to fit with the other
kids. Since my parents ran children‟s homes
and I had over 350 foster brothers and
sisters, my response to this was to become
fiercely independent from a young age.
What I did start to realise was that difference
has something to do with leadership. At age
14, I told my mother that by age 40 I would
be the CEO of an international organisation.
Strangely, despite what I said about not
fitting in, I knew that relationship were
important to me. I wanted to engage with
adults in philosophical conversations about
life rather than kicking a football with the
other kids.
My leadership roles started when I was
young, in marching bands as the
Drum Major in my teens and in my
IT sales job as a sales manager in
my early 20‟s. Certain qualities
started to emerge and flourish inside
of me – a) ability to connect easily
with people,
b) competence in my chosen field of
computers and through that, an inner-
confidence.
I believed that in all of my work, the key was
to listen to people‟s needs and figure out
what role I could play in helping them to find
happiness. For my sales team, our customers
and my colleagues, this was a remarkably
successful strategy.
I also experienced distressing and
dysfunctional situations that helped to formmy sense of ethics, compassion, fairness and
forgiveness.
I was appointed the CEO of Barrett Values
Centre in July 2007. I was 41 years old - so I
missed my prediction by about 6 months.
My strengths and unique abilities
In my 2010 leadership assessment, my
assessors used these words to describe my
strengths. Commitment, trustworthy,support and care for people, honesty,
enthusiasm, helpful and available, hard
working, team player, humour/fun, positive
energy, desire to make a difference,
openness, compassion and having a good
heart. I believe it is the combination of
these qualities, my practical awareness of
technology and life experiences that make up
my unique abilities.
In my field I have both confidence andcompetence. I am also willing to admit when
either or both are lacking.
Through self discovery and meditation I am
finding myself increasingly in a place of inner
peace, equanimity and this has increased my
ability to handle upset or friction in human
relations.
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The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
My deepest belief about our work is that we
are helping people to face their fears and find
a more loving existence in personal and work
lives. I believe that this understanding is
strength because it allows me to cut through
complexity and see simple principles that lie
beneath the surface.
New values I am exploring
1. Equanimity (Balance PEMS)
Belief: Getting past all my attachments(cravings and aversions) will help me to find
inner peace and joy. I become far more
effective when I am in this state
Behaviours: Meditation; noticing when I am
not equanimous and taking steps to remedy
the situation
2. Leadership development
Belief: Life conditions are becoming
increasingly complex. New levels of awareness and responsibility (ability to
respond) are necessary. Learn – live - model
Behaviours: Invest in myself – mostly time;
Recognise that I also learn through hardship
and mistakes.
My core motivation
More core motivation is to be happy. That
drives me to make a difference in other
people‟s lives and make a positive impact inthe world. This is a matter of self-interest for
me. If I can make it a better and happier
world for others, it is a better and happier
world for me too.
To dig one level deeper, I have defined
happiness. “Happiness is the extent to which
we live in love as opposed to living in fear”
Vision & Mission
My personal mission and vision are summed
up in just two words - “Serene Joy”. I
consider it as one of my jobs to practice and
explore this idea for myself. The more I
practice and model this state of being, the
more I can support others in finding this too.
This is a life journey and I have much to
learn.
In the mean time, I try hard to demonstrate
conscious, joyful human living.
My Good day
I get up early, walk
the dog, exercise and
appreciate the
changing seasons. I
meditate for 30
minutes to create a
sense of calm and
balance.
I have a variety of news, opportunities and
people communications in my email. I have a
clear to-do list and get on with doing it. I
have productive and enjoyable meetings with
fun and professional people.
I am open to challenges and upset and I am
able to take a stand from a place of love.
At the end of the day something new was
created, I made a difference to someone andI learned something new.
How I show up on a good day: balanced,
enthusiastic, creative, fun to be with,
appreciative.
Good day warning! I can get carried away
with blind enthusiasm for new ideas, projects
or products without thinking them through.
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The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
You may need to ask me questions to get me
re-grounded in reality.
My bad day
I wake up feeling tired, low energy and
lethargic. I don‟t have time to walk, exercise
or meditate. Too much to do, big problems,
unhappy colleagues and customers and I
don‟t get things done.
How I show up on a bad day: quiet,
disconnected, disengaged, low self esteemand confidence.
My warning signs
It takes a lot to get me angry so my warning
signs are quite subtle.
I stop smiling and, become more intense and
awkward. I go quiet and don‟t reach out to
connect. I disengage from the meeting, no
longer mentally or emotionally there.
My hot buttons and triggers
Situations thattrigger me
Underlying fearsand impact
Overwhelm: Too much
to do and not enoughtime, especially if people are waiting
Fear of failure, I am not
enough
Stressful relationshipsituation when I do not
know the answer
I am not loved enough,I am not enough. I go
quiet, rabbit in theheadlights,uncomfortable void
insideThe curse of seeing
both sides of anargument andtherefore difficult tomake a decision.
Makes me feel weak
and out of control. Idon‟t like myself andhow others might seeme.
People acting
unethically, uncaringlyand unfairly. Meacting this way isworse.
When people don‟t live
by the Golden Rule thiscan make me angry. If Icatch myself not livingthis rule, I get terriblyself critical.
What is holding me back from expressing
my full potential?
I believe that there are only internal factors
that hold me back. I am responsible for
EVERYTHING that happens in my life.
External factors are always caused by me. All
fears can be categorised into three simple
statements. I have measured my fears using
the following matrix.
How much fear do Ihave?
At home At work
I have enough 0% 5%
I am loved enough 2% 4%
I am enough 3% 5%
This exercise helped me to realise that my life
is not controlled by fear. In reality, there is
very little holding me back apart from gaining
more skills, awareness and experience.
My actions to precipitate more good days and
less bad days
Start:
Recognising that I am feeling bad and take a
breath to re-organise.
Be OK with feeling bad.
Ask for help.
Stop:
Thinking that I have to know all the answers.
Getting stressed about what people think
about me.
Continue
Exercise and meditation.
Naming what is not working and how I feel
about it.
Making a to-do list when overwhelmed.
What can others do to help me get past
my upset:
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The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
In difficult situations I sometimes find it
difficult to make the first move - to call you or
to walk into your office. If you notice that I
am quiet, intense and moody please engage
me in conversation. You don‟t need to solve
my problem but ask me what is up and give
me a chance to talk. Normally, I will get past
my upset very fast.
Other tactics that work for me
Smile at me
Give me a hug
Questions to ask myself bring me back to
a state of grace.
What is the reality of the situation?
What is the worst thing that can happen?
What am I attached to (cravings and
aversions)?
Name and score my fears in these three
areas: I don‟t have enough, I am not loved
enough, I am not enough.
Short-term Agreement
I will return to my Story of Me document
within 1 hour from the start of feeling upset.
Long-term Agreement
I am only willing to stay in a stressful mindset for a maximum of 24 hours, although
sometimes this may go on for a few days.
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