The Story of Me: Phil Clothier

8/14/2019 The Story of Me: Phil Clothier

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The Story of Me: Phil Clothier

Big picture

The core values that are close

to my heart are Trust,

Service, Humour & Fun and

Love. I try hard to

demonstrate conscious, joyful

human living. To serve and

make a difference for others

is what makes me happy. This is a matter of

self-interest for me. If I can make it a better

and happier world for others, it is a better

and happier world for me too.

My life story

I knew from a young age that I was

„different‟. I did not seem to fit with the other

kids. Since my parents ran children‟s homes

and I had over 350 foster brothers and

sisters, my response to this was to become

fiercely independent from a young age.

What I did start to realise was that difference

has something to do with leadership. At age

14, I told my mother that by age 40 I would

be the CEO of an international organisation.

Strangely, despite what I said about not

fitting in, I knew that relationship were

important to me. I wanted to engage with

adults in philosophical conversations about

life rather than kicking a football with the

other kids.

My leadership roles started when I was

young, in marching bands as the

Drum Major in my teens and in my

IT sales job as a sales manager in

my early 20‟s. Certain qualities

started to emerge and flourish inside

of me – a) ability to connect easily

with people,

b) competence in my chosen field of

computers and through that, an inner-

confidence.

I believed that in all of my work, the key was

to listen to people‟s needs and figure out

what role I could play in helping them to find

happiness. For my sales team, our customers

and my colleagues, this was a remarkably

successful strategy.

I also experienced distressing and

dysfunctional situations that helped to formmy sense of ethics, compassion, fairness and

forgiveness.

I was appointed the CEO of Barrett Values

Centre in July 2007. I was 41 years old - so I

missed my prediction by about 6 months.

My strengths and unique abilities

In my 2010 leadership assessment, my

assessors used these words to describe my

strengths. Commitment, trustworthy,support and care for people, honesty,

enthusiasm, helpful and available, hard

working, team player, humour/fun, positive

energy, desire to make a difference,

openness, compassion and having a good

heart. I believe it is the combination of

these qualities, my practical awareness of

technology and life experiences that make up

my unique abilities.

In my field I have both confidence andcompetence. I am also willing to admit when

either or both are lacking.

Through self discovery and meditation I am

finding myself increasingly in a place of inner

peace, equanimity and this has increased my

ability to handle upset or friction in human

relations.




My deepest belief about our work is that we

are helping people to face their fears and find

a more loving existence in personal and work

lives. I believe that this understanding is

strength because it allows me to cut through

complexity and see simple principles that lie

beneath the surface.

New values I am exploring

1. Equanimity (Balance PEMS)

Belief: Getting past all my attachments(cravings and aversions) will help me to find

inner peace and joy. I become far more

effective when I am in this state

Behaviours: Meditation; noticing when I am

not equanimous and taking steps to remedy

the situation

2. Leadership development

Belief: Life conditions are becoming

increasingly complex. New levels of awareness and responsibility (ability to

respond) are necessary. Learn – live - model

Behaviours: Invest in myself – mostly time;

Recognise that I also learn through hardship

and mistakes.

My core motivation

More core motivation is to be happy. That

drives me to make a difference in other

people‟s lives and make a positive impact inthe world. This is a matter of self-interest for

me. If I can make it a better and happier

world for others, it is a better and happier

world for me too.

To dig one level deeper, I have defined

happiness. “Happiness is the extent to which

we live in love as opposed to living in fear”

Vision & Mission

My personal mission and vision are summed

up in just two words - “Serene Joy”. I

consider it as one of my jobs to practice and

explore this idea for myself. The more I

practice and model this state of being, the

more I can support others in finding this too.

This is a life journey and I have much to

learn.

In the mean time, I try hard to demonstrate

conscious, joyful human living.

My Good day

I get up early, walk

the dog, exercise and

appreciate the

changing seasons. I

meditate for 30

minutes to create a

sense of calm and

balance.

I have a variety of news, opportunities and

people communications in my email. I have a

clear to-do list and get on with doing it. I

have productive and enjoyable meetings with

fun and professional people.

I am open to challenges and upset and I am

able to take a stand from a place of love.

At the end of the day something new was

created, I made a difference to someone andI learned something new.

How I show up on a good day: balanced,

enthusiastic, creative, fun to be with,

appreciative.

Good day warning! I can get carried away

with blind enthusiasm for new ideas, projects

or products without thinking them through.




You may need to ask me questions to get me

re-grounded in reality.

My bad day

I wake up feeling tired, low energy and

lethargic. I don‟t have time to walk, exercise

or meditate. Too much to do, big problems,

unhappy colleagues and customers and I

don‟t get things done.

How I show up on a bad day: quiet,

disconnected, disengaged, low self esteemand confidence.

My warning signs

It takes a lot to get me angry so my warning

signs are quite subtle.

I stop smiling and, become more intense and

awkward. I go quiet and don‟t reach out to

connect. I disengage from the meeting, no

longer mentally or emotionally there.

My hot buttons and triggers

Situations thattrigger me

Underlying fearsand impact

Overwhelm: Too much

to do and not enoughtime, especially if people are waiting

Fear of failure, I am not

enough

Stressful relationshipsituation when I do not

know the answer

I am not loved enough,I am not enough. I go

quiet, rabbit in theheadlights,uncomfortable void

insideThe curse of seeing

both sides of anargument andtherefore difficult tomake a decision.

Makes me feel weak

and out of control. Idon‟t like myself andhow others might seeme.

People acting

unethically, uncaringlyand unfairly. Meacting this way isworse.

When people don‟t live

by the Golden Rule thiscan make me angry. If Icatch myself not livingthis rule, I get terriblyself critical.

What is holding me back from expressing

my full potential?

I believe that there are only internal factors

that hold me back. I am responsible for

EVERYTHING that happens in my life.

External factors are always caused by me. All

fears can be categorised into three simple

statements. I have measured my fears using

the following matrix.

How much fear do Ihave?

At home At work

I have enough 0% 5%

I am loved enough 2% 4%

I am enough 3% 5%

This exercise helped me to realise that my life

is not controlled by fear. In reality, there is

very little holding me back apart from gaining

more skills, awareness and experience.

My actions to precipitate more good days and

less bad days

Start:

Recognising that I am feeling bad and take a

breath to re-organise.

Be OK with feeling bad.

Ask for help.

Stop:

Thinking that I have to know all the answers.

Getting stressed about what people think

about me.

Continue

Exercise and meditation.

Naming what is not working and how I feel

about it.

Making a to-do list when overwhelmed.

What can others do to help me get past

my upset:




In difficult situations I sometimes find it

difficult to make the first move - to call you or

to walk into your office. If you notice that I

am quiet, intense and moody please engage

me in conversation. You don‟t need to solve

my problem but ask me what is up and give

me a chance to talk. Normally, I will get past

my upset very fast.

Other tactics that work for me

Smile at me

Give me a hug

Questions to ask myself bring me back to

a state of grace.

What is the reality of the situation?

What is the worst thing that can happen?

What am I attached to (cravings and

aversions)?

Name and score my fears in these three

areas: I don‟t have enough, I am not loved

enough, I am not enough.

Short-term Agreement

I will return to my Story of Me document

within 1 hour from the start of feeling upset.

Long-term Agreement

I am only willing to stay in a stressful mindset for a maximum of 24 hours, although

sometimes this may go on for a few days.

The Story of Me: Phil Clothier

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