+Writing & Purpose
The purpose of your writing is what has to
drive the decisions about what to write and
how to write it.
Purpose & audience dictate things like:
Word choice
Structure
Length
+Writing for Marketing Purposes
Even if you consider your customers your friends
and family, writing to get them to spend their money
calls for a different way of writing than just writing a
letter.
You are competing with every other attention-
grabber in your customers’ lives, which means that
every word has to work hard
You can’t assume that your customers know as
much as you do about your area of expertise, or that
they share your beliefs about everything
+Original copy from client
I am enclosing 2 water/sewer bills from the City of Akron. These are from 2 properties I
own and pay the utility bills. Notice the “Capital Improvements” and “EPA Mandate”
charges added to the sewer portion of the bill. 79% of the sewer bill is due to EPA
mandates!!
Understand that your basic sewer charge is based on water usage. The amount of water
that you use which goes down the sewer is what determines the basic sewer bill.
The City of Akron Water Department will now allow residential customers to add a 2nd water
meter to handle all outside hose faucets. This eliminates a sewer charge on that meter for
water usage to sprinkle the lawn or wash the cars, for example.
The cost to build a new meter manifold, add the second meter and run lines to the outside
faucets has been averaging $750.00-$1,000.00. This all depends on the job
circumstances. Totally unfinished basements with full access to piping are the least
expensive. The number of outside faucets also affects the cost. Finished basements are
the most expensive and may not be worth the investment.
It is a long term pay off. Sewer rates are going to continue to rise. It may be worth
considering for your home. If you would like me to look at your home, please call and I can
schedule an estimate for you.
+Although it is well-written, it’s not
great marketing copy. Here’s why:
And maybe I’m
happy that I’m
supporting EPA
mandates
Par. 1:
I am enclosing 2 water/sewer bills from the
City of Akron. These are from 2 properties
I own and pay the utility bills.
Notice the “Capital Improvements” and
“EPA Mandate” charges added to the
sewer portion of the bill. 79% of the
sewer bill is due to EPA mandates!!
WHY are you
sending me water
bills??
Reader is thinking:
+Original copy with comments
Par. 2:
Understand that your basic sewer
charge is based on water usage.
The amount of water that you use
which goes down the sewer is what
determines the basic sewer bill.
You still haven’t
told me why I
should care about
how my sewer bill
is determined
After two paragraphs
without finding out the
WHY, this is in the
trash.
+Original copy with comments
Par. 3:
The City of Akron Water
Department will now allow
residential customers to
add a 2nd water meter to
handle all outside hose
faucets. This eliminates a
sewer charge on that meter
for water usage to sprinkle
the lawn or wash the cars,
for example.
You’ve FINALLY told me
about the reason for this
letter—in the THIRD
paragraph!
Even people who may
actually be interested in
finding about how a second
meter will save them money
have STOPPED READING.
+Original copy with comments
Par. 4:
The cost to build a new meter manifold, add the second meter and run lines to the outside faucets has been averaging $750.00-$1,000.00. This all depends on the job circumstances. Totally unfinished basements with full access to piping are the least expensive. The number of outside faucets also affects the cost. Finished basements are the most expensive and may not be worth the investment.
These numbers
might be put me off,
because I can’t be
bothered to do the
math right now.
And if it depends on
the circumstances
anyway, why even
say a number?
+One Solution
Par. 3:
The City of Akron Water Department will now allow
residential customers to add a 2nd water meter to
handle all outside hose faucets. This eliminates a
sewer charge on that meter for water usage to sprinkle
the lawn or wash the cars, for example.
This at least puts the most important
information FIRST, where it’s more
likely to catch your reader’s attention
+In Practice
The City of Akron water department will now allow residential
customers to add a second water meter to handle all outside
hose faucets. This eliminates a sewer charge on that second
meter for water usage to sprinkle the lawn or wash the car.
Consequently, your bill for your main meter will be less and your
second meter will not have a sewer charge.
The cost to build a new meter manifold, add the second meter
and run lines to the outside faucets has been averaging $750-
$1000. This all depends on the job circumstances.
This is what Solution #1 looks like (revised):
+
Another
SolutionUse Marketing writing
techniques to engage
and speak
conversationally with
your reader
Talk TO us,
not AT us!
+In Practice
Is your water bill looking high lately?
To reduce their water bill as sewer rates continue to climb, some of our customers have found that installing a second water meter is a good investment.
By installing a second meter, you lower your sewer bill by reducing the amount of water that runs through your main meter (which carries the sewer charge). And your second meter doesn’t have a sewer charge.
If your outside water usage is high in the warmer months, from washing cars or sprinkling the lawn for instance, then the investment of installing a second meter will more than pay for itself over time.
This is what Solution #2 might look like:
+Why it Works
Is your water bill looking high lately?
To reduce their water bill as sewer rates continue to climb, some of our customers have found that installing a second water meter is a good investment.
By installing a second meter, you lower your sewer bill by reducing the amount of water that runs through your main meter (which carries the sewer charge). And your second meter doesn’t have a sewer charge.
If your outside water usage is high in the warmer months, from washing cars or sprinkling the lawn for instance, then the investment of installing a second meter will more than pay for itself over time.
By giving a specific instance of how
the investment will be worthwhile, I
eliminate talking to people who won’t
be served by this solution
Writing directly to the reader, by
using “You” as the subject, engages
readers and makes them feel
comfortable (instead of being “sold
to”)
People want to know how other
people have solved the same problem
Questions catch readers’
attention and gain buy-in quickly
+Quick Recap
1. Catch your reader’s attention
with the MAIN IDEA first thing
Use a question that they can
relate to
3. Tell me SIMPLY how you will propose to solve my problem (not too many details yet, please)
What’s in it for Me?
2. Tell me how other people have
solved this problem
Other customers got relief
like this…
4. “Speak” directly to ME, your
reader, like I am a person;
don’t give me a sales pitch
Don’t talk about yourself!
+
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