The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People
• Dr.Arivalan DBA
Certified Hypnotherapist (IACT), NLP Coach (ABNLP,
US), Time Line Therapist, LAB Profile Trainer.
This workshop is useful for:-
•Mind set changes
•Managing the self
•Managing others
•Successful Leaving
The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People
• There is no real excellence in all this world
which can be separated from right living
• Common deep personal & professional problems:
– How to reach the career goals set without losing personal
and family life?
– How can I keep a promise I make to myself?
– How can a manager train his employees to be independent
and responsible if it happened once that this manager was
home sick for a day?
– How can one really congratulate a friend enthusiastically for
achieving some degree of success and recognition without
eating his heart out?
– There’s so much to do and there’s never enough time. How
can I manage my life effectively?
The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective PeopleThe Principles established in Stephen R. Covey’s book are supposed to help a person achieve true interdependent "effectiveness". Covey argues this is achieved by aligning oneself to what he calls "true north"—principles of a character ethic that, unlike values, he believes to be universal and timeless. The book presents the principles in four sections.
Paradigms and Principles. Here, Covey introduces the basic foundation for the creation of the habits.
Private Victory. Here, Covey introduces the first three habits intended to take a person from dependence to independence, or one's ability to be self-reliant. You must be able to win your private victories before you can start on your public victories. If you start to win your public victories first, how can you feel good about yourself and still work on habits...
Public Victory. Here, Covey introduces habits four through six which are intended to lead to interdependence, the ability to align one's needs and desires with those of other people and create effective relationships.
Renewal. Here, Covey introduces the final habit which directs the reader to begin a process of self-improvement.
Principles of Personal Vision
The word proactive means that we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. The do not blame circumstances, conditions, or social conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling. Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli but their response, conscious or unconscious, is a value based choice or response.
Be Proactive
Principles of Personal Leadership
Begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm ofthe end of your life as your frame of reference of thecriterion by which everything else is examined.Each part of your life—today’s behavior, tomorrow’sbehavior, next week’s behavior, next month’sbehavior—can be examined in the context of thewhole, of what really matters most to you. Bykeeping that end clearly in mind, you can makecertain that whatever you do on any particular daydoes not violate the criteria you have defined assupremely important, and that each day of your lifecontributes in a meaningful way to the vision youhave of your life as a whole. To begin with the endin mind means to start with a clear understanding ofyour destination. It means to know where you’regoing so that you better understand where you arenow and so that the steps you take are always in theright direction.
Begin with the end in mind
Principles of Personal Management
Habit 1 says that you are the programmer.Habit 2 says to write the program. Habit3 says to run the program. Living it isprimarily a function of our independentwill, our self-discipline, our integrity, andcommitment—not to short-term goals andschedules or to the impulse of themoment, but to the correct principles andour own deepest values, which givemeaning and context to our goals, ourschedules, and our lives. Organize andexecute around priorities.
Put First Things First
Principles of Interpersonal Leadership
Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win is a belief in a Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way. And if a solution can’t be found to benefit both parties they agree to disagree agreeably—No Deal. Anything less than Win/Win in and interdependent reality is a poor second best that will have impact in the long-term relationship. The cost of that impact needs to be carefully considered. If you can’t reach a true Win/Win, you’re very often better off to go for No Deal.
Think Win/Win
Seek First to
Understand,
Then to Be
Understood
Principles of Empathic Communication
Listening with the intent to understand is called empathic listening. Empathic listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel. Empathy is not sympathy. Empathic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words that are said. You aren’t just listening with your ears, but also with you eyes and your heart. Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. When you present your own ideas be clear, specific, visual, and most important, contextual—in the context of a deep understanding of the other person’s paradigms and concerns. You will significantly increase the credibility of your ideas. What you’re presenting may even be different form what you had originally thought because in you effort to understand, you learned.
Principles of Creative Cooperation
Synergy is the essence of principle-centered leadership. It catalyzes, unifies, and unleashes the greatest power within people. Simply defined, it meant that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Without doubt, you have to leave the comfort zone of base camp and confront an entirely new and unknown wilderness. You become a trailblazer, a pathfinder. You open new possibilities, new territories, new continents, so that others can follow. The essence of synergy is to value differences—to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.
Synergize
Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal
Habit 7 is preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have—you. It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature—physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional. Express all 4 motivations. Exercise all four dimensions of our nature regularly and consistently in wise and balanced ways. This is the single most powerful investment we can ever make in life—the investment in ourselves. We are the instruments of our own performance, we need to recognize the importance of taking time to regularly sharpen the saw in all four ways.
Exercise,
nutrition,
stress
management
Value
clarification,
commitment,
meditation,
study,
perspective
Reading,
visualizing,
planning,
writing,
autonomy
Service,
empathy,
synergy,
intrinsic
security, be a
good friend
Physic
al
Social
Spiritu
al
Men
tal
Sharpen the Saw
The Key for Successful Living
Personality Ethic Character Ethic
Focus on attitude and
behavior minor change
To change the situation first
we have to change ourselves
and our perceptions
significant, quantum change
Works in short term situation
(symptomatic treatment)
Has personal worth in the
long term relationship
Social band aids that treats
only acute problems
temporarily
Treats the underlying chronic
problem
The Key for Successful Living
• Primary and secondary greatness
– Quit lacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior
(secondary greatness)
– Get to work on the root, the character (primary
greatness) from which these attitude and behavior
flow.
The Power of a Paradigm
• A paradigm is :
– A frame of reference, a model
– A perception, assumption
– The way we perceive, understand &
accordingly interpret and judge things. A
mental map.
• Two people can see the same thing,
disagree and yet both be right.
• The more we examine the way we see
things, the more we can test them against
reality.
• Listen to others and be open to their
perception, to get a far more objective view.
Being Is Seeing
Be See Think Feel Behave
• We cannot change our seeing without
changing our being
• If you want to have…. Be….
• The seven habits paradigm:
– An “inside-out” approach to personal and
interpersonal effectiveness
Can we create a HABIT?
• We are what we repeatedly do
• Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit
• Habits are learned and unlearned
• We are not the habits, hence we can change
them
Effectiveness is defined as p/pc
balance
• p= production = what is produced, the desired results produced
• pc = production capacity = producing asset. Maintaining, preserving and enhancing the resources that produces the desired results
• Maintain the p/pc balance:
– Balance short term with long term
– Take time to invest in a relationship
– Win the customer more than the call
The Seven Habits Paradigm
1 Be
proactive
Dependence
Independence
Interdependence
PRIVATE
VICTORY
PUBLIC
VICTORY
Principles of Personal Leadership
• Move yourself from dependence to
independence, the foundation for effective
interdependence
• Achieve private victory, the foundation for
public VICTORY
• Achieve self mastery through self
awareness, self confidence and self
control.
Principles of Personal Leadership
• Prepare yourself for interpersonal
leadership
• Build a changeless inner core, from which
your attitude and behavior flow
• Build the principle center that gives you
the wisdom and power to adapt to change
and to take advantage of the opportunities
that change creates.
The Maturity Continuum
Character & Personality
Although image, techniques and skills can
influence your outward success, the weight
of real effectiveness lies in good character.
Character & Competence
Character A person with high character
exhibits integrity, maturity and an
Abundance Mentality.
Competence A person with high competence has
knowledge and ability in a given
area.
As people balance these two elements, they build their
personal trustworthiness and their trust with others.
Character & Competence
Character Competence
JUDGEMENT
CHARACTER Integrity
Maturity
Abundance Mentality
Interdependency
COMPETENCE Technical skills
Qualifications
Knowledge
Experience
EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
CIRCLE OF
INFLUENCE
CIRCLE OF
INFLUENCE
Habit 1
BE PROACTIVE
1 Be
proactive
Three theories of determinism affecting our
response to a certain stimulus
• Genetic determinism (DNA)
• Psychic determinism (childhood experience)
• Environmental determinism (boss, spouse,
economic situation, notational policies)
Habit One : Be ProactiveThe Habit of Personal Vision
The Four Human Endowments:
Self-Awareness – Examining thoughts, moods and behaviors
Imagination – Visualizing beyond experience and present reality (work on alternatives)
Conscience – Understanding right and wrong and following personal integrity
Independent Will – Acting independent of external influence
PROACTIVE MODEL
Freedom To
ChooseStimulus Response
Self-Awareness
Imagination Conscience
IndependentWill
Happiness is like unhappiness, a proactive choice
PROACTIVE MODEL
• Responsibility = “Response-ability”
• Proactive people:
– Behavior in the product of one’s decision based on
values
– Personal leaders
– Take the initiative and are solutions to problems
– Successfully handle direct, indirect and no control
problems
PROACTIVE MODEL
• Reactive people:
– Behavior is the product of one’s condition based
on feelings
– Unhappy people who feel victimized and
immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of
other people
– Blame other people and circumstances they feel
are responsible for their own stagnant situation.
Reactive Language Proactive Language
There's noting I can do Let’s look at our alternations
That’s just the way I am I can choose a different approach
He makes me so mad I control my own feelings
They won’t allow that I can create an effective presentation
I have to do that I will choose an appropriate
response
I can’t I choose
I must I prefer
If only I will
Listen to your language and to
the language of the people
around you. How often do you
use and hear reactive phrases
as “If only”, or “I have to”…
Self-Reflection Exercise
No Concern
Circle of Concern
Circle of Concern
Circle of Influence
Circle of
Circle of Influence
Concern
Circle of
Circle of Influence
Concern
REACTIVE FOCUS (Negative energy reduces
the Circles of Influences)
PROACTIVE FOCUS (Positive energy enlarges
the Circles of Influences)
Habit 2BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
1 Be
proactive
2Begin
with theEnd in Mind
• Start with a clear understanding of your
destination
• Picture deeply what kind of husbands, wife,
father or mother would you like to be?
• What kind of son or daughter or cousin?
• What kind of friend?
• What kind of working associate?
Assumptions
• Assume at your funeral, how would family, colleague, friend, church, etc talk about you
• Assume today’s the last day in your life
• Assume:
• Body - Had a heart attack; Mind – Life of your profession is 2 years; Heart – Other person is clairvoyant; Spirit – You met with the Almighty
Habit Two
Begin with the End in MindThe Habit of Personal Leadership
Mental Creation Precedes Physical Creation
To start with a clear understanding of your
destination.
Write your MISSION STATEMENT
Choose a Life Center
• Create a personal mission statements = a
personal constitution, a frame of reference
• Align your daily behavior with your life
objectives
• Business = “busy-ness”
• Climbing the ladder of success:
effectiveness vs. efficiency
Circle of Concern
Circle of Influence
• Our deepest center:
– Work
– Family
– Spouse/Husband
– Friend
– Religion
– Self
– Pleasure
– Possessions
– Money
– Enemy
CENTER
Sec
uri
tyP
ow
er
Wisdom Guidance
Our four life-supporting factors derive from
the very center of our circle of influence
• SECURITY: Sense of worth, self esteem
& personal strength
• GUIDANCE: Source of direction in life
• WISDOM: Perspective on life
• POWER: Decision making ability
• A principle center:
– Creating a solid changeless core, from whichflow the four life-support factors.
– Correct principles do not change
– a principle-centered person stands apart fromthe emotion of the situation and evaluates theoptions.
• A principle center:
– You won’t be acted upon by other people orcircumstances
– See change as an exciting adventure andopportunity to make significant contributions.
Habit Two
Begin with the End in MindThe Habit of Personal Leadership
Habit Two
Begin with the End in MindThe Habit of Personal Leadership
Principle-Centered
Someone who is principle-centered bases decisions on
principles that govern human effectiveness. Principles are
the ideal core because they allow us to seek the best
alternative through conscious choice, knowledge and values.
Principle-centered people try to :
Stand apart from the emotion of a situation and from other
factors that would act on them.
Make proactive choices after evaluating options.
Habit Two
Begin with the End in MindThe Habit of Personal Leadership
Mission Statement
A powerful document that expresses your personal sense of
Purpose and meaning in life. It acts as a governing
Constitution by which you evaluate decisions and choose
behaviors.
Define Leadership &
ManagementLeadership deals with Direction
(Doing the right things)
Management deals with Speed,
Co-ordination, Logistics in moving
in that direction
(Doing the things RIGHT)
Self-Reflection Exercise
• Take a few moment and write down your
roles as you now see them.
Area of Activity Character Contributions Achievements
Family
Friends
Work
Community
Services
Self-Reflection Exercise cont’
• Are you satisfied with the mirror image of
your life?
• Identify a project or a tasks that you will be
facing in the near future and apply the
principle of mental creation. Write down the
results you desire and what steps will lead
to those results.
Habit 3PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
1 Be
proactive
3Put First
Things First
Things which
matter most must
never be a the
mercy of things
which matter
least.
WEEKLY ORGANIZING
Roles Goals Plans
Schedule
Delegate
Mission
Statement Roles Goals
LONG-TERM ORGANIZING
Two Factors to Define Any
Activity
• Urgency - An activity is urgent if you or others feel that it requires immediate attention.
• Importance - An activity is importance if you personally find it valuable, and if it contributes to your mission values, and high-priority goals.
Time management matrix
I - Procrastinator
Urgent
Important
2-Prioritizer
Not Urgent
Important
III – ‘Yes Man’
Urgent
Not Important
IV - Slacker
Not Urgent
Not Important
The Time Management Matrix
Urgent & Important
Activities Results
• Crises
• Pressing problems
• Deadline-driven projects
• Stress
• Burnout
• Putting out fires
I
The Time Management Matrix
Not urgent but Important
Activities Results
• Prevention, PC activities
• Relationships building
• Recognizing new
opportunities
• Planning recreation
• Vision
• Balance
• Discipline
• Control
• Few crises
II
The Time Management Matrix
Urgent but Not ImportantActivities Results
• Interruptions, some calls
• Some mail, some reports
• Some meetings
• Proximate, pressing
matters
• Popular activities
• Short-term focus
• Crisis management
• Feel victimized, out of
control
• Broken relationships
III
The Time Management Matrix
Not Urgent & Not Important
Activities Results
• Trivia, busy work
• Some mail
• Some phone calls
• Time wasters
• Pleasant activities
• Dependent on others
• Total irresponsibility
• Fired from jobs
IV
. Crisis
. Pressing problems
. Deadline-driven projects, meetings, preparations
. Preparation
. Prevention
. Values clarification
. Planning
. Relationship building
. True re-creation
. Empowerment
. Interruptions, some phone calls
. Some mail, some reports
. Some meetings
. Many proximate,pressing matters
. Many popular activities
. Trivia, busywork
. Some phone calls
. Time wasters
. “Escape” activities
. Irrelevant mail
. Excessive TV
I II
III IV
Urgent Not Urgent
Im
po
rta
nt
No
t Im
po
rta
nt
Habit Three - Put First things First
The Habit of Personal
ManagementURGENT
IMP
OR
TA
NT
NOT URGENT
NO
T I
MP
OR
TA
NT
Crises
Managemen
t
Attach to
Mission
Distraction
s Time
Wasters
Habit Three - Put First things First
The Habit of Personal
Management
“Effective people have genuine Quadrant 1 crises and emergencies
that require their immediate attention, but the number is
comparatively small. They keep P and PC in balance
by focusing on the important, but not urgent,
activities of Quadrant II”
Habit Three - Put First things First
The Habit of Personal
Management
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
The Key is not to prioritize your schedule but
to schedule your priorities.
Habit Three - Put First things First
The Habit of Personal
Management
Put First things First involves a six-step, QII process
That will help you act on the basis of importance.
Importance, in the context of Put first things First, is defined
By your mission statement and confirmed by your conscience.
The six steps can be used in weekly planning or as often as needed.
Connect to Mission Review Roles Identify Goals
Organize Weekly Exercise Integrity Evaluate
Self-Reflection Exercise
• Identify a Quandrant II activity you know
has been neglected in your life-one that if
done well, would have significant impact in
your life, either personally or
professionally. Write it down and commit to
implement it.
Self-Reflection Exercise cont’
• Draw a time management matrix and try to
estimate what percentage of your time you
spend in each quadrant. Then log your time
for three days in fifteen-minute intervals.
How accurate was your estimate? Are you
satisfied with the way you spend your time.
What do you need to change?
Public Victory
There can be no
friendship without
confidence, and no
confidence without
integrity.1 Be
proactive
3Put First
Things First
PUBLICVICTORY
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPRSONAL
LEADERSHIP
• The p/pc balance in an interdependent
reality
• The emotional bank account
– The amount of trust built up in a relationship
– The feeling of safeness that makes
communication easy, instant and effective
• Six major deposits
– Understanding the individual
• Uncover the person’s deep interest or needs
• Treat them all the same by treating them differently
– Attending to the little things
• Kindness and courtesies are the big things
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPRSONAL
LEADERSHIP
• Six major deposits
– Keeping commitments
• Keep a promise you have made or explain the situation
and ask to be released from it.
– Clarifying expectations
• Conflicts arise form ambiguous expectations about roles
and goals
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPRSONAL
LEADERSHIP
• Six major deposits
– Showing personal integrity
• Goes beyond honesty
• Build the trust of those who are present by being loyal
to those who are not present
– Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal
• It is the weak who are cruel, gentleness can only be
expected from the strong
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPRSONAL
LEADERSHIP
P problems are PC opportunities
• Problems create the opportunity to build a
deep relationship – the emotional bank
account that empowers us to work together
as a strong complementary team.
Habits One, Two & Three
The first three habits help develop a deep base of character and
personal security . Once these 3 habits become part of who you are
you are then ready to begin building rich enduring highly
productive relationships with other people and that’s where habits
four, five and six come in.
Habits Four, Five & Six
These are the habits that lead to interdependent relationships.
Habit Four : Think Win-win
The attitude of seeking solutions, so that every one can win.
Do this by communicating. This is done by Habit Five
Habit Five : Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Habit Six : This is the habit of creative co-operation - Synergy
This happens when two sides in a dispute work together to come with
a solution which is better than what either side initially proposed.
Habit 4THINK WIN WIN
We have
committed the
Golden Rule to
memory; let us
now commit it to
life”
1 Be
proactive
3Put First
Things First
ThinkWin/Win
4
Six Paradigms of human
interactions:
• Win/win
• Win/lose
• Lose/win
• Lose/Lose
• Win
• Win/win or no deal
Win/Win
• Seeks for mutual benefit
• All parties feel good about the decision and feel
committed to the action plan
• Sees life as cooperative, not competitive
• There’s plenty for everybody
• Believes in the third alternative
• Listens more, stays in communication longer, and
communicates with more courage.
Habit Four - Think Win-Win
The Habit of Interpersonal
Leadership
Win-Lose : People with a win-lose mindset are concerned with
themselves first and last. They want to win, and they want others to
lose. They achieve success at the expense or exclusion of another’s
success. They are driven by comparison, competition, position, and
power.
Characteristics
•Is very common scripting for most people
•Is the authoritarian approach.
•Uses position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get
the “Win”.
Habit Four - Think Win-Win
The Habit of Interpersonal
Leadership
Lose-Win : People who choose to lose and let others win show high
consideration for others, but lack the courage to express and act on
their feelings and beliefs. They are easily intimidated and borrow
strength from acceptance and popularity.
Characteristics
•Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations of anyone else.
•Is quick to please or appease.
•Buries a lot of feelings.
Habit Four - Think Win-Win
The Habit of Interpersonal
Leadership
Lose-Lose : People who have a lose-lose paradigm are low on
courage and consideration. They envy and criticize others. They
put themselves and others down.
Characteristics
•Is the mindset of a highly dependent person.
•Is the same as a “no win” because nobody benefits.
•Is a long-term result of a win-lose, lose-win, or win.
Habit Four - Think Win-Win
The Habit of Interpersonal
Leadership
Win : People who hold a win paradigm think only of getting what
they want. Although they don’t necessarily want others to lose,
they are personally set on winning. They think independently in
interdependent situations, without sensitivity or awareness of others.
Characteristics
•Is self-centered.
•Thinks “me first”.
•Doesn’t really care if the other person wins or loses.
•Has a Scarcity Mentality”.
Habit Four - Think Win-Win
The Habit of Interpersonal
Leadership
Win-Win or No Deal : Win-Win or No Deal is the highest form of
win-win. People who adopt this paradigm seek first for win-win. If
they cannot find an acceptable solution, they agree to disagree
agreeably.
Characteristics
•Allows each party to say no.
•Is the most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or business
deal.
•Is the highest form of “Win”.
Five Dimensions of Win/Win
1 2 3
Win/Win
Character
Win/Win
Relationship
Win/Win
Agreements
Supportive Systems (4) and Processes (5)
Character
• Three character traits essential to the win/winparadigms:
– Integrity: make and keep meaningful promises andcommitments. People of Integrity are true to theirfeelings, values and commitments.
– Maturity:
• The balance between courage and consideration
• The ability to express one’s won feelings andconvictions balanced with consideration of thethoughts and feelings of others
Abundance Mentality
Scarcity Mentality Abundance Mentality
There’s only one pie There is plenty for
everybody
Sense of worth and
security comes from being
compared
Define themselves form
within
Deep inner sense of worth
and security
Someone else’s success
means their failure
Someone else's success is
our success – sharing it.
• Relationships
(Character Trust, EBA)
• Agreements
(Relationships performance agreement)– Five elements to agree on in a win/win agreement
• Desired results: Clarify the end in mind, objectives andoutcome.
• Guidelines: Specify boundaries and deadlines foraccomplishing the results within which results are to beaccomplished
• Resources: human, financial, technical, support to helpaccomplish the results
• Accountability: sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation. Identify the standards and methods of measurement for progress and accomplishment.
• Consequences: Determine/Evaluate the result (s) of achievingor not achieving win-win
• Systems
– Should be supportive (reward guidelines, available resources)
– Don't talk cooperation (win/win) and practice competition
(win/lose)
– You can best achieve win-win solutions with win-win systems and
processes. But if Changing your systems to win-win feels
overwhelming and out of reach, remember to work from the inside
out. As you first develop a win-win character and then Win-Win
Agreements and relationships, you will expand your Circle of
Influence and be Able to work on processes.
• Processes:
– A four-step process:
• 1st see the problem from the other point of view
• 2nd identify the key issues and concerns
• 3rd determine what results would constitute a fully
acceptable solutions
• 4th identify BATNA to achieve those results
3. Understanding Negotiators Surplus
101
Buyer’s
Entry
Point
Seller’s
Entry
Point
Total Negotiating Range (TNR)
Buyer’s
Exit
Point
Seller’s Exit Point
Gap=> No deal /
Deadlock
Seller’s Negotiating Range
Buyer’s Negotiating Range
Settlement
Range
Settlement Price (or
Negotiating Surplus)Seller’s
Surplus
Buyer’s
Surplus
Distributive
Bargaining Diagram
For an agreement to be made,
It is important for the exit points of
Both parties to overlap, or at least
Meet – “produce the Negotiators’ surplus”
but the dilemma is….
102
5. Negotiation Styles
More for me means less for
you – zero sum gain
Aggresively competitive
Prefer to dominate
Seek to win
All deals are one off
Use ploys and tactics
Favour bluff or coerce (threats or
force)
Takers- Exploit the submissive
There are two extreme end to a negotiator’s style – Blue and Red.
Styles of negotiators can be ranged from the assertive blue to purple
to the aggressive red.
REDMore for me means more for
you – non zero sum gain.
Assertively competitive
Prefer mutual respect
Seek to succeed
All deals lead to other deals
Prefer to be open and non
manipulative
Doesn’t bluff or coerce
Givers – seek cooperation
BLUE
Which is best
Style to
Practice in
Negotiation?
R + B = Purple
Know
when
to be
tough
Know
when
to be
soft
Aggressive
Red
Assertive
BluePurple
Shade of Red Shade of Blue
103
5. Negotiation Styles – How to Face a Red Negotiator?
How to Behave?
1. Be patience
2. Stay cool, try to calm TOS.
3. Make neutral statements. – can
influence perception of TOS and
outcome of a negotiation.
4. Give assurance but not give in. –
Showing TOS we are positive.
5. Summarise frequently
6. Ask open questions
7. Check body language
8. Look into their eyes
It takes time to built up trust.
Playing red is self-defeating, ending in a L-L situation.
Communication helps to improve cooperation.
Apply exchange principle (If you give me ……., then I will
give you …….) – The Purple Stylist.
How to Handle?
1. Don’t interrupt
2. Don’t assert/assume
3. Don’t blame
4. Don’t block
5. Don’t be irritated
6. Don’t threaten
7. Don’t agree with his/her
explanation
Role Play on Negotiation
Habit 5SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE
UNDERSTOOD
The heart has
its reasons
which reason
knows not of.
1 Be
proactive
3Put First
Things First
Seek First to UnderstandThen to be Understood
5
Principles of Empathic Communication
• Four common levels for listening:
– Ignoring: Making no effort to listen
– Practice pretending: Making believe or giving the
appearance you are listening
– Practice selective listening: Hearing only the parts of
the conversation that interest you.
– Attentive listening: Paying attention and focusing on
what the speaker says, and comparing that to your own
experiences.
Principles of Empathic Communication
• Seek first to understand: Fifth level: Empathic
listening (most effective level):
– Requires high levels of consideration
– Deep understanding of the problem first
– Requires more than practicing listening techniques
– It’s listening with intent to understand (changing our
perceptions)
– Get inside another persons’ frame of reference
and see things the way he sees it
– Increases our influence-ability (more & accurate
information to work with)
– It ensures people’s psychological survival
(psychological air)
– It is diagnosing before prescribing
Principles of Empathic Communication
• Then seek to be understood
– Requires high level of courage
– Equally critical in reaching win/win solutions.
Principles of Empathic Communication
Self-Reflection Exercise –
Perceptual Position
• Select a relationship in which you sense the
Emotional Bank Account is red. Try to
understand other person’s of view by using
the perceptual positioning exercise.
Habit 6
SYNERGIZE
Take as a guide:
In crucial things
unity
In Important things
diversity
In all thing
generosity.
1 Be
proactive
3Put First
Things First
Synergize
6
Principles of Creative Cooperation
Defensive (Win/Lose or Lose/win)
Respectful (Compromise)
Synergistic (Win/Win)
Low
TRUST
High
LEVELS OF COMMUNCIATION
COOPERATIONLow High
• Deeply understanding each other becomes the
stepping stones to synergy
• Synergy means that the whole is greater than the
sum of its parts
• One plus one equals three or more.
• Identifying a third synergistic alternative/solution
that will be better for everyone concerned.
Habit Six - Synergize
The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Synergy
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Synergy takes place when two or more people
produce more together than the sum of what
they could have produces separately.
Habit Six - Synergize
The Habit of Creative Cooperation
To Synergize is
•Results-oriented, positive synergy
•Examining exploring, seeking diverse
perspectives openly enough to alter or
complete your paradigm
•Cooperating
•Having a mutually agreed-upon end in mind.
•Worth the effort and highly effective
•A process.
To Synergize is Not
•A brainstorming free-for-all.
•Accepting others’ ideas as full truth.
•Win-lose competition.
•Group think (giving in to peer pressure).
•Always easy.
•Only a negotiation technique.
Habit Six - Synergize
The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Problem
or
Opportunity
SynergizeHabits 4,5, & 6
The Action
and Process
Third Alternative
SYNERGY
The Result
Habit Six - Synergize
The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Defensiveness Fear Fixation Ego
Anger Anxiety Jealousy
Habit Six - Synergize
The Habit of Creative Cooperation
The essence of synergy is valuing the differences. Valuing the differences
does not imply that individuals approve of or agree with differences;
however it does mean that people respect differences and view them
as opportunities for learning. The differing opinions of others and their
viewpoints, perspectives, talents and gifts are valuable when seeking
solutions. These differences enable you to discover and produce things
together that you would much less likely discover and produce
individually. At what level do you value the differences ?
Habit Six - Synergize
The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Tolerate
Accept
Value
Celebrate
Self-Reflection Exercise
• Make a list of people who irritate you. Do
they represent different views that could
lead to synergy if you had greater intrinsic
security and valued difference?
Self-Reflection Exercise cont’
• Identify a situation in which you desire
greater teamwork and synergy. What
conditions would need to exist to support
synergy? What can you do to create those
conditions?
Habit 7SHARPEN THE SAW
PRINCIPLES OF BALANCED SELF-RENEWAL
Sometimes
when I
consider what
tremendous
consequences
come from
little things…
I am tempted
to think..
There are no
little things.
1 Be
proactive
3Put First
Things First
• It’s preserving and enhancing personal PC.
The greatest asset we have. It’s we.
PHYSICAL
Exercise, Nutrition,
Stress Management
SOCIAL
Service, Empathy,
Synergy, Intrinsic
Security
SPIRITUAL
Value Clarification &
Commitment, Study &
Meditation
MENTAL
Reading, Visualizing,
Planning, Writing
Habit Seven - Sharpen the Saw
The Habit of Renewal
Sharpen the Saw is a daily process of renewing for four dimensions of
our nature : Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Social / Emotional.
These four dimensions sustain and increase our capacities and help us
discipline our mind, body and spirit. This daily private victory is a
victory over self. Not only does the daily Private victory stimulate growth,
but it also helps us to achieve the Public Victory. As we achieve these
victories through renewal, we cultivate and nurture the other six habits.
Habit Seven - Sharpen the Saw
The Habit of Renewal
Physical (Body):
We build physical wellness through proper nutrition, exercise, rest
And stress management.
We can sharpen the Saw in Four Areas :
Mental (Mind) :
We increase mental capacity through, reading, writing, and thinking.
Habit Seven - Sharpen the Saw
The Habit of Renewal
Spiritual (Spirit):
We develop spiritually through reading inspiring literature, through
meditating and praying and through spending time with nature.
We can sharpen the Saw in Four Areas :
Social / Emotional (Other Relationships) :
We mature socially and emotionally by making consistent, daily
Deposits in the Emotional Bank Account of our key relationships.
• It’s exercising the four dimensions of our
nature regularly and consistently, in wise
and balanced way.
The Upward Spiral of Growth
• Success is a long journey, not a destination
• “ A thousand-mile journey begins with the
first step”. And can only be taken one step
at a time.
• “ How can we remember our ignorance
which our growth requires, when we are
using our knowledge all the time”.
The upward spiral of growth
Self-Reflection Exercise
• Make a list of activities that would help you
keep in good emotional state, that would fit
your life-style and that you could enjoy over
time.
Self-Reflection Exercise cont’
• List relastionships you would like to
improve or specific circumstances in which
public victory would bring greater
effectiveness.
PARADIGM SHIFTS
A BREAK FROMTRADITIONAL WISDOM
TOWARD7 HABITS PRINCIPLES
Habit 1 We are a product of our environment and upbringing.
Habit 2 Society is the source of our values.
Habit 3 Reactive to the tyranny of the urgent. Acted upon by the environment.
Habit 4 Win-lose.One-sided benefit.
Habit 5 Fight, flight, or compromise when faced with conflict.
Habit 6 Differences are threats. Independence is the highest value. Unity means sameness.
Habit 7 Entropy.Burnout on one track - typically work.
We are a product of our choices to our environment and upbringing.
Values are self-chosen and provide foundation for decision making. Values flow out of principles.
Actions flow from that which is important.
Win-win.Mutual benefit.
Communication solves problems.
Differences are values and are opportunities for synergy.
Continuous self-renewal and self-improvement.
BE PROACTIVE
I can forgive, forget, and let
go of past injustices
I’m aware that I’m
responsible
I’m the creative force
of my life
I choose my attitude,
emotions, and moods
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
HABIT 1
Be Proactive.
Proactive people take responsibility for their own lives. They determine the agendas they will follow and choose their response to what happens around them.
Be Reactive.
Reactive people don’t take responsibility for their own lives. They feel victimized, a product of circumstances, their past, and other people. They do not see as the creative force of their lives.
Begin with the End in Mind. These people use personal vision, correct principles, and their deep sense of personal meaning to accomplish tasks in a positive and effective way. They live life based on self-chosen values and are guided by their personal mission statement.
Begin with No End in Mind. These people lack personal vision and have not developed a deep sense of personal meaning and purpose. They have not paid the price to develop a mission statement and thus live life based on society’s values instead of self-chosen values.
HABIT 2
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Put First Things First. These people exercise
discipline, and they plan and execute according to priorities. They also “walk their talk” and spend significant time in Quadrant II.
Put Second Things First. These people are crisis managers who are unable to stay focused on high-leverage tasks because of their preoccupation with circumstances, their past, or other people. They are caught up in the “thick of thin things” and are driven by the urgent.
HABIT 3
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Think Win-Win.
These people have an abundance mentality and the spirit of cooperation. They achieve effective communication and high trust levels in their Emotional Bank Accounts with others, resulting in rewarding relationships and greater power to influence.
Think Win-Lose or Lose-Win.These people have a
scarcity mentality and see life as a zero-sum game. They have ineffective communication skills and low trust levels in their Emotional Bank Accounts with others, resulting in a defensive mentality and adversarial feelings.
HABIT 4
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Through perceptive observation and empathic listening, these non-judgmental people are intent on learning the needs, interests, and concerns of others. They are then able to courageously state their own needs and wants.
Seek First to Be Understood. These people put forth their point of view based solely
on their auto-biography and motives, without attempting to understand others first. They blindly prescribe without first diagnosing the problem.
HABIT 5
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Synergize. Effective people
know that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. They value and benefit from differences in others, which results in creative cooperation and team-work.
Compromise, Fight, or Flight. Ineffective people believe
the whole is less than the sum of the parts. They try to “clone” other people in their own image. Differences in others are looked upon as threats.
HABIT 6
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Sharpen the Saw. Effective people are
involved in self-renewal and self-improvement in the physical, mental, spiritual, and social-emotional areas, which enhance all areas off their life and nurture the other six habits.
Wear Out the Saw. Ineffective people fall back, lose their interest, and get disordered. They lack a program of self-renewal and self-improvement and eventually lose the cutting edge they once had.
HABIT 7
SEVEN HABITS OF
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
EFFECTIVE PEOPLE INEFFECTIVE PEOPLE
CIRCLE OF
INFLUENCE
CIRCLE OF
INFLUENCE
SEVEN PRINCIPLES UPON
WHICH THE SEVEN HABITS ARE BASED
The Seven Habits center on
timeless and universal principles of
personal, interpersonal, managerial,
and organizational effectiveness.
Listed below are the seven
principles upon which the Seven
Habits are based-principles which
are in our circle of influence.
1. The principle of continuous learning, of self-reeducation - the discipline that drives us toward the values we believe in. Such constant learning is required in today’s world, in light of the fact that many of us can expect to work in up to five radically different fields before we retire.
2. The principle of service, of giving oneself to others, of helping to facilitate other people’s work.
SEVEN PRINCIPLES UPON
WHICH THE SEVEN HABITS ARE BASED
3. The principle of staying positive and optimistic, radiating positive energy - including avoiding the four emotional cancers (criticizing, complaining, comparing, and competing).
4. The principle of affirmation of others - treating people as proactive individuals who have great potential.
5. The principle of balance - the ability to identify our various roles and to spend appropriate amounts of time in, and focus on, all the important roles and dimensions of our life. Success in one area of our life cannot compensate for neglect or failure in other areas of our life.
SEVEN PRINCIPLES UPON
WHICH THE SEVEN HABITS ARE BASED
6. The balance of spontaneity and serendipity -the ability to experience life with a sense of adventure, excitement, and fresh rediscovery, instead of trying to find a serious side to things that have no serious side.
7. The principle of consistent self-renewal and self- improvement in the four dimensions of one’s life: physical, mental, spiritual, and social emotional.
SEVEN PRINCIPLES UPON
WHICH THE SEVEN HABITS ARE BASED
PYRAMID OF INFLUENCE
TEACHING
RELATIONSHIP
EXAMPLE
Knowledge
(what to, why to)
Desire
(want to)
Skills
(how to)
HABITS
EFFECTIVE HABITS
JUDGEMENT
CHARACTER Integrity
Maturity
Abundance Mentality
Interdependency
COMPETENCE Technical skills
Qualifications
Knowledge
Experience
FOUR UNIQUE
HUMAN ENDOWMENTS
1. Self-awareness
2. Conscience
3. Imagination
4. Willpower
FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN ENDOWMENTS
1. Self-Awareness
We begin to become self-aware and explore the programs we are living out. We come to realize that we stand apart from our programming and can even examine it. We also realize that between stimulus and response, we have the freedom to choose. This self-awareness then leads to the ability to look at other unique endowments in our secret life.
Our conscience is our internal sense of right and wrong, our “moral nature.” It is the “greater harmonizer” and “balance wheel” of all the principles that govern our behavior. Our conscience gives us a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with our principles.
2. Conscience
FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN
ENDOWMENTS
We can visit the power of the mind to create or to imagine that which does not exist now. In that imagination lie our faith and our hope for the future. We look at what is possible, what we can envision.
3. Power of Imagination
FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN
ENDOWMENTS
Willpower refers to our determination, our resoluteness - our ability to act based solely on our self-awareness. We ask ourselves, “Am I really willing to to the distance on my mission statement?” “Am I willing to walk my talk?” “Am I really willing to put first things first in spite of external distractions and pressures?” “Am I going to live a life of total integrity?”
4. Willpower or Independent Will
FOUR UNIQUE HUMAN
ENDOWMENTS
Developing a mission statement is
foundational to Habit 2, Begin with the
End in Mind. It sets general guidelines for
our life based on our values and our roles
and goals. There are four basic
characteristics of good mission
statements, whether they be personal,
family, or organizational mission
statements.
BASIC CHARACTERISTICS OF
GOOD MISSION STATEMENTS
1. A mission statement should be timeless and changeless. Because goals are not timeless, they should not be included. Mission statements should be based upon unchanging core principles that operate regardless of present realities or situations. This changeless core will enable us to live with changes inside other people and inside the environment. As our consciousness grows and we mature, we will gradually strengthen, deepen, and improve our mission statement. Nevertheless, we should always initially write our mission statement as if it will never change - as if it were timeless.
BASIC CHARACTERISTICS OF
GOOD MISSION STATEMENTS
2. A mission statement should deal with both ends and means. Ends have to do with what we are about. Means have to do with how we go about achieving those ends. Principles are what we implements to achieve those ends. Ends and means are inseparable. In truth, ends preexist in the means. “You’ll never achieve a worthy end through unworthy means.”
BASIC CHARACTERISTICS OF
GOOD MISSION STATEMENTS
3. A mission statement should deal with all four of our basic needs:a. To live (our physical and economic
needs)b. To love and to be loved (our cultural and
social ends)c. To learn (our needs to grow, develop, be
recognized, and be useful)d. To leave a legacy (our spiritual need for
meaning, for feeling that life matters, that we add value and make a difference.
BASIC CHARACTERISTICS OF
GOOD MISSION STATEMENTS
4. A mission statement should deal with all the significant roles of our life, such as a parent, teacher, manager, neighbor, and so forth.
“Internalizing” our mission statement will also help us get a clear understanding of what is truly important. Goethe once said, “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” This means that we learn how to say no at appropriate times. Every time we say yes to something that is of little or no importance, we are saying no to something that is more important. Almost every day, most of us are caught in circumstances where we should say no but don’t. We often lack the ability to utter a firm but gracious no.
BASIC CHARACTERISTICS OF
GOOD MISSION STATEMENTS
SIX LEVELS OF INITIATIVE
1
Wait for instructions
2
Ask for instructions
3
Bring recommendations
4
Use own judgement, report immediately
5
Use own judgement, report routinely
6
Use own judgement, not necessary to report
Duplicity
Unkindness
Violatedexpectations
Outside stressand pressures
Time wasters
Interruptions
Pressingproblems
Crises
PERSONAL IMMUNE SYSTEM
Live the Seven Habits
Spend timein Quadrant II
Follow correctprinciples
Control own life
Maintain highEmotional BankAccount with selfand others
Maintain reservecapacity
Be resilient
Empower andserve others
CommunicateEmpathically
Synergize withothers using awin-win approach
EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
• The 7 habits of highly effective people is a
holistic, integrated, principle centered
approach for solving our personal and
professional problems
• Principles that give us the security to adapt
to change and the wisdom and power to take
advantage of the opportunities that change
creates.