Write Tighter: Get to the Point and Save Millions

Write Tight (er)

May 21, 2015 Marcia Riefer Johnston

[email protected]

@MarciaRJohnston

#ConfabMN

Get to the Point and Save Millions

#ConfabMN @MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) www.Writing.Rocks

http://writing.rocks


What we’ll cover



What does concise mean (and not mean)?

What we’ll cover




Why do I care?

What we’ll cover




Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?

What we’ll cover




Fast, pain-free technique

Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?

What we’ll cover



#ConfabMN



#ConfabMN

No headline?



#ConfabMN

No headline?

Nobullets?



#ConfabMN

No headline?

Nobullets? No

verbiage?



#ConfabMN

No headline?

Nobullets? No

verbiage?

Howconcise!



“Most often I talk about content as text because text is everywhere … text is different … text is messy as hell.”

—Kristina Halvorson Content Strategy for the Web



What does concise not mean?




Short




ShortWhy?







“A good speech [read, your text] should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.”

—Winston Churchill



Make text, like a skirt, as long as needed.



Not robospeak.



Not robospeak.



Not robospeak.

Push button.



Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.



Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.



What does concise mean?




Minimal




MinimalWhat?



Minimal



Enough to meet your audiences’ needs

Minimal




Enough to accomplish your purpose

Minimal





No more

Minimal





No more No less

Minimal



Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or

Your Products through Your Words



Audience needs:“What’s in it for me?”







My purpose:Get you here






No more








No more No less


















What concise means



Questions?

What concise means



Why do I care?



Why do I care?

“Usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”

—Jakob Nielsenwww.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web



Why do I care?

“Usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”

—Jakob Nielsenwww.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web



Why else do I care?



Cheaper to translate

Why else do I care?




Easier to understand

Why else do I care?





Why else do I care?

More engaging





Why else do I care?

More engaging

More useful on small screens





Write Tight (er)



Write Tight (er)



Write Tight (er)







This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.





Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush



Is your text translated?



How much can a word cost?



You may be needing a loan.





How much can a word cost?words6




How much can a word cost?words6





You may need a loan.

words6






words6

5 words






words6

5 words






words6

5 words

1 word






words6

5 words

1 word





Translation cost (or savings):


words6

5 words

1 word







words6

5 words

1 word







words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language






$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word







$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language







$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel


words6

5 words

1 word








$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word








$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages








$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word









$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word








per word? How so?



per word? How so?

Close enough



per word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database)



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less



per word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less



What concise means



What concise means

Why I care



Questions?

What concise means

Why I care



Whether or not you translate,




whatever size your page or screen,




whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …



How can I writemore concisely?



Dump these words!*



Dump these words!**unless you need them







weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage





weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch























I coverthe rest in my workshop.



Jay FirestoneContent Strategist

Facebook



be-verbs



be

be-verbs



isbe

be-verbs



isbe

are be-verbs



isbe

am

are be-verbs



isbe

wasam

are be-verbs



isbe

has beenwasam

are be-verbs



isbe

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs



isbe will have

been being

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs



be-verb. Any form of the verb to be—namely, am, are, be, been, being, is, was, and were—whether used as an auxiliary verb or as a main verb.

—Bryan GarnerGarner’s Modern American Usage







See be-verbs.



See be-verbs.



See be-verbs.



See be-verbs.



Start seeing be-verbs!



Examples



“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”
















The fix might not be self-evident.







You have to think.




You have to think.

(Not too painful.)













“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice



“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice







Audit logs are proof that no data breach has occurred.



Audit logs are proof that no data breach has occurred.



Our team wants to be predictive.







What does the team

want to do?



Skydiving was fun.



Skydiving was fun.



Skydiving was fun.

What happened?



“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon



“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon



www.hemingwayapp.com












What it is is…



“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”



“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”



“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.”(attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)











We don’t know diddly—






We don’t know diddly—except to avoid (most) be-verbs.



YOURWORDS



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of timein light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of timein light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch


I coverthe rest in my workshop.



Word count

Cost to translate into 1 language 25 languages

x 10,000 sentences

(Harry Potter novel)

BEFORE Your original text here with more words than you need. 10 $2.50 $62.50 $625,000.00

AFTER Your tighter text here. 4 $1.00 $25.00 $250,000.00Savings 60% $1.50 $37.50 $375,000.00



Elizabeth RichDirector of Digital Content

Produce Marketing Association



BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after.



Word count

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14

Savings 18%



Word count

Cost to translate into 1 language

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17 $4.25

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14 $3.50

Savings 18% $0.75



Word count


BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17 $4.25 $106.25

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14 $3.50 $87.50

Savings 18% $0.75 $18.75



Word count


x 10,000 sentences

(Harry Potter novel)

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17 $4.25 $106.25 $1,062,500.00

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14 $3.50 $87.50 $875,000.00

Savings 18% $0.75 $18.75 $187,500.00



Email me for the spreadsheet: [email protected]



Use be-verbs when they serve a purpose.





what?



is



“Content is something you can run an ad alongside of.”

—Nora Ephron, I Remember Nothing













content





content ads



Be-verbs are everywhere. See?



Be-verbs are everywhere. See?





See be-verbs.



Now available

Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com



Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com







Email me for the bumper sticker : [email protected]











Want to make this technique even faster?







Try this.



Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure• bald-headed• best ever, first ever• blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature

• booked solid• exact same, same exact, same identical• filled to capacity• incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch



Nouns • actual experience, actual fact• added bonus• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning• all-time favorite, all-time record• alternative choice• anonymous stranger• annual anniversary• armed gunman• artificial prosthesis• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life



Nouns • actual experience, actual fact• added bonus• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning• all-time favorite, all-time record• alternative choice• anonymous stranger• annual anniversary• armed gunman• artificial prosthesis• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s justthe a’s.



Verbs • add an additional• aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose• allow you to be able to• always include• ask the question• assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together



Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP







What concise means



What concise meansWhy I care



What concise meansWhy I careHow to write concisely



Questions?

What concise meansWhy I careHow to write concisely


Story time

Story time

Water dispenser

Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Quick reference




Concise = good... right?



Three-minute video





If conciseness doesn’t fix it, change what you’re saying.





For more on concise writing and much, much more










powerful




powerful





Think this is small?














Write Tighter: Get to the Point and Save Millions

Marketing

concise mean

push button

different text

womans skirt

good speech

marcia riefer johnston

painfree technique

winston churchill