Who is the Ren Fairest of Them All? Laura ... - learn.ssc.edulearn.ssc.edu/theatre/ratrag/RatRagJuly2008.pdf · July 2008 - Page 2 • Jimmy Hoffa thanks you for finally prying open

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Ponderisms: When the guy who made the first drawing board got

it wrong, what did he go back to?

To clean oil and grease stains on concrete driveways, spray one or two applications of Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, let sit for a few min-utes, then rinse with the highest pressure from the nozzle of a garden hose.

• In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Congratulations to the cast and crew of Meanwhile Back on the Couch. Rehearsals are already underway.

The CasTAudra Anderson ............. Gabrielle WingateMike Aguayo ........................ Victor KarleenPaul Braun ............................. Roy TerriganAmanda Cuzzo ...........Charlotte HennebonRose Doorneweerd ............ Jingle JabonskiVera Friloux .................. Penelope DonnleyMike Novakovich .................... Albert BrockBetty Owens ...................Dorothea Melnick

The CrewLydia Bellamy-Palma ....Costume DesignerRose Doorneweerd .........Property MistressJeremy Drechny .............Lighting DesignerAnne Kowalczyk ....................Set DesignerAngela Martin .................... Stage ManagerTanissa Parks .............. We Hope Anything!Tianna Ruelas ............................... DirectorEfrem Tutwiler .............. We Hope Anything!

This year, the show is in September, rather than November, so it’s coming up quick. We’ll need all the help we can get to put up this show and sell lots of tickets.

If you can help give Angela the stage manager a call at (708) 408-5338 or email her at [email protected].

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme The News!

Who is the Ren Fairest of Them All? Laura, Angela, Amanda or Paul?

Amidst family and amongst much pomp and circumstance, Anne Sullivan participated in Northwestern University’s PhD Hooding Ceremony. Congratualtions to Anne!

To accomodate all of Anne’s family, Bobbie rented a van and “Ralph Kramdened” her way around town as their official tour guide duing the visit. Rat Rag editors hear videotape of these bus trips might be available.

Break a Leg! Come on out and Help!

date .........................................tImeSat, Aug. 16 ................................Noon-10pSun, Aug. 17 ...............................Noon-10pFri, Aug. 29 ........................................5-10pSat, Aug. 30 ................................Noon-10pSun, Aug. 31 ...............................Noon-10pSat, Sept. 6 .................................Noon-10pSun, Sept. 7 ................................Noon-10pSat, Sept. 13 ...............................Noon-10pSun, Sept. 14 ..............................Noon-10p

Start times subject to change, so please confirm with Anne or Angela!

If you can help, please contact Angela at (708) 408-5338 or email her at [email protected]. You can also email Anne Kowalczyk at [email protected]

We need to make a new slip cover for the “George Couch.” If you have some sewing skills, we sure could use you!

Half Page: $50approximately 5 in. x 4 in.Your half page ad bonus:2 free tickets!

Full Page: $75approximately 5 inches x 8 inchesYour full page ad bonus:4 free tickets!

Quarter Page: $25approximately 5 in. x 2 in.Your quarter page ad bonus:1 free ticket!

AD DEADLINE:Friday, September 5, 2008

Program adsWE NEEd YoUr HELP!In order to cover the cost of the royalty fees, we need to sell advertising space in the program for Meanwhile Back at the Couch. Our goal is $950, which would cover both royalties and the printing of the programs.

See page two for m

ore info and ad samples.

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• Jimmy Hoffa thanks you for finally prying open the trunk.

• Your odometer switches to scientific notation.

• Your mechanic names his new, 65-foot yacht after you.

• The homeless ask you to please not park in front of their boxes.

• Your air bags need to be inflated manually.

• The Amish mock you when you drive by.

• You change the duct tape every 3,000 miles.

• Your mechanic is storing part of his CD collection in your glove box.

• Hitting potholes is the only way to make the headlights come on.

• Panhandlers at red lights slip dollar bills in your window.

You know It’s Time fora New Car When…

GENERAL ED. CLASSES: 151, 152, 158• THEATRE APPRECIATIONDRM 151 ........ MW .......11 AM - 12:15 PMLearn about the parts of theatre that mix to create one magical experience. See a live show in Chicago.

• PLAYS AND PLAYWRIGHTSDRM 152 ........ MW .................1 - 2:15 PMLearn about the secrets of great plays and why they came to be treasured. Discuss sex, politics, religion and money.

• DRAMA INTO FILMHFA 158 ............ T ............11 AM - 1:45 PMLearn about the censorship code that changed our perception of the past 75 years of “real” life. This class is for mature students.

— ELECTIVES: 157 AND 199 —• ACTING IDRM 157 .......... R .................11 - 1:45 PMLearn the tools that can make you a unique performing artist. Walk away with an astounding toolbox.

• INDEPENDENT STUDYDRM 199 ............................................. TBALearn as a working artist, one on one. See Bobbie Saltzman for details.

Admissions/Registration is open Mondays through Thursdays 8:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. and Fridays 8:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m.

THEATRE CLASSES FOR THIS FALL! Sign Up Today!

Help support our theatre program by taking out or selling an ad or two! On page 5 of the Rat Rag, you’ll find an advertising con-tract to return with your ad(s). If you are receiving the Rat Rag via US Mail, you’ll also find a postage free envelope to return your ad and check or money order.

Do NOT send cash through the mail!! The cost of ads are noted in the graphic on page one and in the contract.

Make checks and money orders payable to: SSC: Performing Arts Center. We do not accept credit or debit cards.

Buying advertising space is a real bargain. Each ad comes with its own special sur-prise. If, for example, you purchase a full page ad, you’ll receive 4 complimentary (that’s FREE!) tickets to any performance of Meanwhile Back on the Couch. Wow! You can’t beat that with a stick!

If your ad is for a business, “camera ready” artwork would be appreciated. The programs will be printed in glorious black and white. Shades of gray, fancy colours and photographs don’t always reproduce nicely, so keep your artwork simple.

If you wish, you can email artwork and text directly to [email protected] (Ellie), who will be setting all the ads for the program. TIFFs or JPGs work best. The higher the resolution, the better. If you have any questions, ask Ellie! If you don’t have any artwork, and just want the space to wish your favourite company member well, Ellie will be happy to make your ad look purty.

OUR AD SALES GOAL: 2 Full Page Ads 6 Half Page Ads 20 Quarter Page Ads

MEANWHILE BACK ON THE COUCHTo the Cast and Crew of

Much Love and Whirled Peas from Angelina, Brad,Leon, Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne and Zahara

Don’t have a business and stuck for an idea for your ad? Here’s a sample of what you can have in your ad. Send your ad in today!

– Program ads –INFo & HoW To

SIXTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOKME OVER 40 YEARS TO LEARN

by Dave Barry, submitted by Roger Moffat

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.

3. There is a very fine line be-tween ‘hobby’ and ‘mental llness’.

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. This is very impor-tant. Pay attention. It never fails.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of

professionals built the Titanic.

FINAL Thought for the Day:

16. Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into some-thing acceptable to have dinner with.

Gratuitous Space Filler #8837964Oh, yes. We keep track.

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July is National Baked Bean Month3rd is Compliment Your Mirror Day8th is Video Games Day14th is National Nude Day19th is Flitch Day Bizarre Bonus: An old custom from yester-year developed into the holiday of Flitch Day. Bacon was given to any married couple who could prove they had lived in harmony and fidelity for one year. Very few “Took Home The Bacon”.

IN HONOUR OF STUPID PEOPLE…This happened in Birmingham AL. I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything into your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied. “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nod-ded, “That’s why we ask.”

1. Pepperidge Farms Roasted Chicken Pot Pie:

510 Calories and 9 grams of fat and that’s for half of the pot pie. Who eats just half of a pot pie?

2. McDonald’s Chicken Selects:A standard 5-strip order has 630 calories and 11 artery clogging grams of fat.

3. The Cheesecake Factory’s 6 Carb Cheesecake:

Each slice has 610 calories and 29 grams of fat. You could have had an 8-oz prime rib with less fat and calories.

4. Dove Ice Cream:Dove squeezes 300 calories and 13 grams of fat into a half cup sized serving of its ice cream.

5. Mrs. Fields Milk Chocolate & Walnut Cookie:

1 cookie has more than 300 calories, as much saturated fat as a 12-oz sirloin steak and 6, yes 6 teaspoons of sugar. Remem-ber I said that is 1 cookie.

6. Starbuck’s 20-oz Venti Caffé Mocha:

With 490 calories and 16 grams of fat, you can think of this as a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in a cup!

7. Burger King Quad Stacker:1,000 calories, 30 grams of fat and 1,800 mg sodium. Are you suicidal?

8. Campbell’s Chunky, Select and Red and White Label Condensed Soups:

These soups are brimming with salt. Half a can averages MORE than half of a per-son’s daily quota of salt.

9. Chipotles Chicken Burrito:1,180 calories and 19 grams of fat. You should be able to SEE that many calories!

10. Häagen-Dazs Mint Chip Dazzler:Is the winner with 1,270 calories and 38 grams of fat. That’s two days worth. Now that’s just crazy!

10 Foods You Should Never Eat

Good Luck to Martell Jefferson, who will be going into the re-serves in August.Martell was last seen on stage in Oklaho-

ma! and was originally cast in Mean-while Back on the Couch. Because his ship date moved up, Martell had to drop from the show. We’ll miss you Martell, and PLEASE! Take good care of yourself while you’re taking good care of US.

You’re In TheArmY now!

Talented local artist Pamela Biesen has a passion for vintage buttons. Using this talent, she takes discarded buttons and fashions them into beautiful bracelets that are wearable works of art. Each bracelet she makes is a one of a kind treasure.Below are just a few samples of her colourful and fun work.

Pam will be offering her bracelets for sale at the annual Frankfort Fall Festival, which will take place on August 31, September 1 and 2. Look for her under the ButtonTown USA banner. The Frankfort Historic Business District, located in the four-block area surrounding Kansas Street, provides the backdrop for the festival’s major attraction, 300 participating artisans. In addition, you will not want to miss the other special events throughout the weekend including a community parade on Sunday, carnival, live entertainment and food court provided by area civic organizations.For more information about ButtonTown USA or to inquire about purchasing Pam’s bracelets, email: [email protected].

The First Law of Theatre: Everything will take longer than it really should.

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I BeLIeVe…My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I agreed to face paint at Ellie’s family pic-nic. I am sure that it will come as no sur-prise to anyone who knows Ellie that, what with her eye for detail (anal retentiveness), the map she gave me to help me find Main Park in Frankfort, looked much like the 8 x 10 color glossies that the police took of the garbage pile in Alice’s Restaurant with the circles and arrows. The only difference being Ellie included a satellite aerial view of the park.

I arrive at the park and it turns out that there was another HUGE event going on at the park. A fundraiser for a child stricken with cancer. There were hundreds of people there and these people assumed that I was there to face paint for them, so they helped me carry the gear up to the picnic area and are trying to get me to give them my car keys so they could go and get my canopy and table and chairs to help me set up. I was looking around trying to find Ellie or a face I recognized. I told this woman trying to get me to set up that I was a friend of Ellie’s and she said, “Oh good, good,” and continues to try to get me to set up. Tell-ing me that a good spot would be by the bouncy house.

I told this woman that Ellie told me that there were about 30 kids and this woman says, “Oh no, there are about 150 to 200.”

So I called Ellie.

The phone picks up and a voice yells, “What! What do you want? What?”

Ellie being Ellie, I assumed it was her and asked her where the Hell she was… Then I hear Ellie in the background shouting, “Ma, it’s Rochelle and she thinks you’re me!!! Tell her I am almost there!!!” *sigh*

I sat down at an picnic bench to wait, soon a family of five ask if they can share my table, I say sure and sat listening to mom telling little Christy that if she didn’t stop picking her nose it will bleed again and the tooth fairy wouldn’t come.

Wendy and the girls were coming to help so I called her, explained the situation and told her not to get out of her car until I fig-ured this out. Since we were in Frankfort, Wendy says, “Mom, you are surrounded

What is it about my friendship with Ellie that causes the natural order

of things to run amok?

My Day atthe Devivo

FaMily Picnic

by soccer moms, DON’T LOOK THEM IN THE EYE!” Then she said, “I wonder how many Trevor’s and Alexis’s are there?” so I told her to hold on and I hollered “TREV-OR” really loud to see how many would look!!! None did.

Finally E calls me back and we figure out that I am in the right place but the wrong parking lot so while this woman was telling someone else where to set up, I grabbed my gear and took off. Thank God I didn’t give them my keys so they could unload my car!!!

by Ro

Teenagers who ate dinner with their families at least 5 times a week, learned better nutrition habits and were less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs than teens who ate dinner with their families 2 times a week or less.

FamilyDinners

Good Old Fashioned

stress

Do Unto others…

How you spend your time alone has a big effect on the way your body handles stress. Reading, writing, singing, listen-ing to music, meditating, and physical activities are all positive ways to cope with stress. Smoking, eating or drinking to much, using mind or mood altering drugs, criticizing yourself and others and driving aggressively are examples of unhealthy ways to cope.

If you take precautions like washing your hands frequently and covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough, is it OK to go to work when you are sick?

NO, says Bruce Epstein, PhD, nationally known as “The Ethics guy”. Epstein, who is a regular on CNN, says you owe it to your co-workers not to make them sick. You also owe it to yourself to rest and get better as quickly as possible.

REMEMBER TO CONTACT USwith any article, photo, want ad or idea at:

* [email protected] *

I monitor this email and will respond to all. – Ro

PAC Rat Meeting Summer Schedule!

The next PAC Rat meeting will beThursday, August 7th @ 7:00pm in the

PAC Lobby. (Location subject to change)

PLEASE PRINT

Full Page ad (7-1/2˝ x 4-1/2˝)With the purchase of this ad you will receive four complimentary tickets to the performance of your choice.† A nice reward for your generous support or a great bonus for a hard-working employee.

❏ Full Page ..................................................................... $75.00

halF Page ad (4-1/2˝ x 3-3/4˝)Your ad won’t be missed. You will receive two complimentary tickets with the purchase of this ad for the performance of your choice.†

❏ Half Page .................................................................... $50.00

quarter Page ad An inexpensive way to advertise your business or services. You will receive one complimentary ticket with the purchase of this ad for the performance of your choice.†(Wide: 4-1/2˝ x 1-7/8˝ or Tall: 2-1/4˝ x 3-3/4˝)

❏ Quarter Page ............................................................... $25.00

“Break-a-leg-a-gram™”Wish the cast and crew good luck in fifteen words or less. A fun way to support the arts or your favorite company member.

❏ Gram .............................................................................$3.00

Print your Break-A-Leg-A-Gram™ message in the space provided.

advertising ContraCt

I/We ______________________________________________________________________________________ (please print name of individual or company)

agree to purchase space in your program for the 3 Stages of SSC production of Meanwhile Back on the Couch at South Suburban College. I understand that any ad that I/we buy is to be paid for in full at this time and must reach the college by the dates specified below. Make checks payable to ssC-kindig Performing arts Center.

Please find enclosed a check for the amount of: $

Signed:

Print Name if signing for a business:

Phone Number: Date:

oFFiCe use onlY

Sale made by:

Check ❍ #

Cash ❍ $

Artwork: ❍ yes ❍ no

Tickets: ❍ yes ❍ no ❍ maybe

† Please call in advance to reserve your seat(s) - performance dates on reverse. Photographs on business cards will not reproduce well.

“Break-A-Leg-A-Gram™” is a registered trademark of FWOB, ltd Publications

ad deadlineAll ads and payment(s) are due by Friday, September 5, 2008

Break-A-Leg-A-Grams and payment(s) are due by Monday, September 8, 2008

Questions? Call Ellie at 708-210-5741 and leave a message or email at [email protected]

Kindig Performing Arts CenterSouth Suburban College15800 State StreetSouth Holland, Illinois 60473

TICKETS — 24/7 Voice Mail — 708-210-5741eMail: [email protected]

Additional Break-A-Leg-A-Grams forms are on the reverse.

PLEASE PRINT

PLEASE PRINT

3 Stages of SSC and the PAC Rats Theatre Company present

the zany comedy by Jack Sharkey, directed by Tianna Ruelas

ABOUT THE SHOW: Struggling psychiatrist Victor Karleen takes on a new patient to help with his growing financial problems. The patient, frustrated by love, dreams up a steamy, torrid novel and gives his first manu-script to Victor. Victor’s nurse hands the manuscript over to a publisher, believing it is Victor’s work. Suddenly Victor has an enormous advance royalty check, a Book of the Month Club selection and a potential Pulitzer prize. Things continue to spiral out of control as Victor is determined to keep his patient crazy until he’s dreamed up the final chapter. It’s fast paced, hilarious and zany.

Meanwhile Back on the Couch

KINDIG PERFORMING ARTS CENTER • South Suburban College • 15800 State St. • South Holland, IL

TICKETS

$6 Adults

$4 Seniors

& Students

September 19, 20 & 26, 2008 at 8:00pm September 27 at 2:00pm & 8:00pm 24/7 Voicemail: 708-210-5741 email: [email protected]

PaC rats – Break-a-leg-a-gram – Price $3.00 each

Your Name: ____________________________________ Message For: __________________________________

Message: ____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________Wish someone to Break-A-Leg or send him or her a happy message in 15 words or less. Your message along with your name will be printed in the show program. All proceeds are used to fund future performances.

Thank you in advance for your BREAK-A-LEG-A-GRAM purchase.

PaC rats – Break-a-leg-a-gram – Price $3.00 each

Your Name: ____________________________________ Message For: __________________________________

Message: ____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________Wish someone to Break-A-Leg or send him or her a happy message in 15 words or less. Your message along with your name will be printed in the show program. All proceeds are used to fund future performances.

Thank you in advance for your BREAK-A-LEG-A-GRAM purchase.