UAD February 2014

FREEFebruary 2014.com

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

[email protected]

The Most Unusual Digest in America!

27 Millett Drive, Auburn

784-1577

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

NEW

Patients Always

Welcome!

You’ll L VE Your Smile

Taylorbrookdental.com

when you visit:

"Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." – Charles M. Schulz

Bring ideas in and entertain them royally for one of them may be the king.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

February 2014Wednesday, Feb 5thGrid Iron 4pm – 7pm(Chapter 12907)1567 Lisbon St, Lewiston$8 Member; $8.50 Guest

Tuesday, Feb 11thDairy Queen 4pm -7pm(Chapter 12749)661 Minot Ave, Auburn$4.50 Member; $5 Guest

Saturday, Feb 15thKC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 5pm(Chapter 14346)8 Sacred Heart Pl, Auburn$4 Member; $5 Guest

Wednesday, Feb 19thRolly’s Diner 7am – 10am(Chapter 10589)87 Mill St, Auburn$3.50 Member; $4.50 Guest

Sunday, Feb 23rd Flagship Cinema(Chapter 8609)Lewiston/Auburn$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest

Tuesday, Feb 25thVillage Pizzeria 11:30am- 1pm(Chapter 10929)16 Pleasant St, McFalls$5.50 Member; $6 Guest

Thursday, Feb 27thThe Green Ladle Noon(Chapter (14437)156 East Ave – LewistonHigh School$8 Member; $9 Guest

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject tochange. If additional info is needed,please call our office, please do notcall restaurants. All activities can onlybe attended at the times listed.*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked upthe week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Patrick Linehan*207-465-4800

Oakland

Ron Ouellette*207-786-3612

Lewiston

Kim Pelkey*207-786-2573

Lewiston/Norway

Paul Colasante*207-782-8823

Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche*207-783-8921

Lewiston

Jean Fournier207-784-5453

Lewiston

Dick Courtemanche207-786-3622

Lewiston

Timothy Graham*207-892-0302

Standish

Forest Cluff*207-725-4606

Brunswick

Deb Wagemann* ChFC207-783-8804

Auburn

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

February 20144

I'm an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time.

They put a new machine in at my gym that provides for all my needs. Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers.

Uncle Andy’s Digestis published by the first

Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.

It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are

$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to

Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363,

Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s

DigestMAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363

Auburn, ME 04212

E-MAIL: [email protected]

PHONE: 207 783-7039

FAX: 207 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

AffordableDentures

Poorly fitting or broken dentures

repaired on-site, usually same-day

service!

Mike & JoeAdkins,licensed

denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances AcceptedWe also accept Credit & Debit Cards

Also see us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures• Rebases• Relines• Repairs

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

SMILE AGAIN DENTURESFREE CONSULTATIONS

SmileAgainDentures.comOr email us at:

[email protected]

StaffJIMBO

Who’s on First?

UNCLE ANDYWhat’s on Second?

MAGGIE MAYI Don’t Know is on

Third...

THOMASI Don’t Give a Darn is

at Shortstop.

PAMMYTomorrow is on the

Mound.

TANMANToday is the

Catcher.

GENE-OWhy plays Left

field.


Jimbo

February 2014 UncleAndys.com 5

Today is the last day of your life so far.

My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

Hunting Dog Submitted by Thomas Hill

Jimbo and Uncle Andyare going hunting.Jimbo says to UncleAndy, "I'll send my dogout to see if there areany ducks out in thepond. If there aren'tany ducks out there,I'm not going hunting."

Bella comes back andbarks twice. Jimbosays, "Well I'm notgoing to go out. Sheonly saw two ducks outthere."

Uncle Andy says,"You're going to takethe dog's barks for thetruth?"

Uncle Andy doesn't be-lieve it, so he goes tolook for himself. Whenhe gets back he says,"I don't believe it wheredid you get that dog?There really are onlytwo ducks out there!"

Jimbo says, "Well, I gother from the breederup the road. If youwant, you can get onefrom him, too."

Uncle Andy goes to thebreeder and says hewants a dog like theone his friend Jimbohas. The breederobliges and UncleAndy brings the doghome, tells it to go outand look for ducks.

Minutes later the dogreturns with a stick init's mouth and startswhacking Uncle Andy.

(continued on next page)www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com

995 Center St. AuburnNext to Appliance Warehouse and

Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

784-3100Visit our brand new showroom

Quartz Countertops starting at

$54.99/ LF Installed!

KITCHENSolutionsDESIGN & SALES CENTER

Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops

StacyStacyBruceBruce

WE HAVE PRICING FOREVERYONE’S

BUDGET!

Why not use your Income Tax

Return and save BIG!

783-7039


Jimbo

February 20146

I've got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty are "XL".

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500

Body WorkCollision Repairs • Complete Re-spraysCustom Paint & More

Auto Repair Done Right

Discountedtowing w/

shop repairs

Towing available 24/7

Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More • Call for a free estimate!

Outraged, Uncle Andytakes the dog back tothe breeder and says,"This dog is a fraud. Iwant my money back!"

The breeder asksUncle Andy what thedog did.

Uncle Andy tells himthat when he sent thedog out to look forducks, it came backwith a stick in itsmouth, shaking itaround and hitting himwith it!.

The breeder says,"Uncle Andy, all he wastrying to tell you wasthat there are moreducks out there thanyou can shake a stickat!"

(continued from previous page)

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

Roger Caldwell

It’s Valentines... Which is more

important, flowers or a gun?

Garbage Collector

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A father is asked by hisfriend, "Has your sondecided what he wantsto be when he growsup?"

"Yes, he wants to be agarbage collector,"replied the boy's father.

His friend thought for amoment and re-sponded, "That's astrange ambition tohave for a career."

"Well," said the boy'sfather, "he thinks thatgarbage collectors onlywork on Tuesdays!"


Jimbo


If you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

It's scary when, in the morning, you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

22 Albiston Way, Auburn

784-57881-800-377-9433www.maineoxy.com

Ron Eugley

WELCOME TO THE TEAMMaine Oxy, New England’s leading supplier of industrial & specialty

gases, welding and safety supplies, is proud to welcome Ron Eugley to theteam. He will be part of the technical sales support team.

Ron brings over 40 years of industry experience with him into this position. Previously holding positions in outside sales in central & coastalMaine, in addition to inside sales and customer service including technicalsupport.

James Richards, retail store manager reflected on Ron’s character, “Ronbrings a vast knowledge of all aspects of our industry. Everyone is very ex-cited that Ron is joining the Maine Oxy technical customer support team.”

Ron is highly trained in all aspects of the industry including: Weld-ing Supplies & Industrial gases; certifications include American Welding Society (AWS), and has attended leading training schools including Miller & Lincoln. Welcome to the team, Ron!

Out ’n About at theSkillsUSA

Competition atLewiston RegionalTechnical Center

Colby Tremblay

The senior class atLRTC competed in a Car-pentry Challenge. Eachhad to build a 6’ long x 4’high wall section 16” o.c.with a window opening.They had to draw, createa cut list, materials listand submit a bid price forthe wall section.

All students did a greatjob under the tutelage ofthe carpentry instructor,Jason Merritt.

Nick Fortin

A speed square and asharp pencil should keep

me in the running...

Pencil sharpeners have a tough life - they live off tips.

Congratulations to the 2013 Gipper’s Scholarship Winners

L to R: Rachel Gagne (Edward Little), Bethany Fox (St.Doms), Tom Fournier (Gippers) and Natalie Rousseau (Lewiston). Rachel is attending Simmons College and studying Biology.Bethany is enrolled in the Elementary Education program at St. Joe's College and Natalie is study-ing Biology at Florida Southern. They each received a check for $750 at a reception held for themand their families at Gippers.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 20148

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed they're not it.

NyQuil - The sniffling, sneezing, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

Visa is everywhere you want to be...except out of debt.

Counseling ServicesAccepting New Clients

All Ages, families & Veterans Welcome

Andy Jarman, LCPC624-1132

1288 Roosevelt Trail • Ste 5B (back of building) • Raymond

Trauma counseling through EMDR & DBT

See Us For All Your Fabric & Metal Fabrication

From repairs to large projects! We can do it!

• Canvas • Upholstery • Metal Fabrication

• Residential/Commercial Awnings

41 Millett Drive • Auburn, Maine 04210

783-5600

Canvas & Upholstery

jasminecafemaine.com

730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • 376-4855NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi

Eat In or Take Out!for Lunch or Dinner

183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon353-9862 qualitycareautorepair.com

Taking care ofyour sweetheartsvehicle is one ofthe best gifts,

EVER!

Tony D.

Tony G.

Cathy

Ron

Call for an appointment. Your

sweetheart will LOVE you

for it!

Tardy

Uncle Andy went intowork an hour late, hisface scratched andbruised, his glassesbent.

“What happened toyou?” Jimbo asked.

“I fell down two flightsof stairs,” Uncle Andysaid.

Jimbo was aghast.“That took you a wholehour?”

I like European food soI decided to Russiaover there because Iwas Hungary. AfterCzech'ing the menu Iordered Turkey. When Iwas Finnished I toldthe waiter 'Spain goodbut there is Norway Icould eat another bite'.

Back in the days whenthe guillotine was firstused, people won-dered, is this what wemay beheaded for inthe future?

Call Diana orLarry formore info

and pricing!

Dad’s PlaceCatering Division

Spring & Summer dates are filling fast - Book NOW!

345-9009 DadsPlace.info

Weddings • Summer Parties Reunions

Indoors • Outdoors • We do it all!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

FREE COFFEE FRIDAY!

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchaseof Breakfast Sandwich

every Friday.

Baby, it’s cold outside!Our $10 GIANT one-topping pizza is sure to

warm you up!!Not to be combined with any other special.

Expires 2.28.14✃

NEW at Dad’s...

Pay at the

Pump!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

Professional service at an affordable price

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201410

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I want my children to have all things I couldn't afford: Then I'll move in with them.



Derek Montminy

My tapemeasurekeeps meon center.

Jake Matson

Chris Poisson


Jimbo


My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."

I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious!

You can tell your getting old when all the names in your little black book end in M.D.

OIL CHANGE

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles(Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

$24.95

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

Mike Morin

autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

If the Farmer’s Almanac is accurate we could see more cold for Feb. and March. Get your FREE

Winterization Check here!

LIKE us onFacebookReceive

$10.00 Discount!

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

True LoveSubmitted by Thomas Hill

A guy walks into a postoffice one day to see amiddle-aged, baldingman standing at thecounter methodicallyplacing "Love"stamps on bright pinkenvelopes with heartsall over them.

He then takes out aperfume bottle andstarts spraying scentall over them.

His curiosity getting thebetter of him, he goesup to the balding manand asks him what heis doing.

The man says, "I'msending out 1,000 ILove You cards signed,'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks theman.

He said, “I'm a divorceLawyer.”

Dumb WaiterSubmitted by Jimbo

A waiter brings the cus-tomer the steak dinnerhe ordered with histhumb holding themeat down.

"Are you crazy," yelledthe customer, "stickingyour thumb on mysteak?!"

"What," answers thewaiter, "Would you pre-fer it fell on the flooragain?"

Jessica & Russ BoisvertOwners of Howling Hill Dog Boarding in New Gloucester

We’d love to take care of your fur-baby. Take a look at our ad on

page 45.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201412

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.

“I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.” – Thomas Hill



Tanner Marston

Vincent Callgiuri

Isaac Lane

A tool belt is amust for anycarpenter.

Eye protection is vital in this environment!

2011 Toyota Highlander

Gray, 3.5L, Auto,AWD 31k

our price

$25,995

2009 ChevroletTraverse

Gray, 3.6L V6, Auto, FWD, 65k

our price

$15,995

2011 Toyota Sienna

Silver,3.5L V6, Auto.6spd., 62k

our price

$20,995

2013 ChevroletEquinox

Black, 2.4L 4cyl.,Auto., AWD, 18k

our price

$27,9952011 Toyota

Rav 4

Black, 2.5L 4cyl, Auto, 4WD, 35k

our price

$22,995

2009 ToyotaVenza

Gree, 3.5L V6, Auto 6Spuds., AWD, 49k

our price

$19,995

2009 HondaOdyssey

3.5L V6, Auto.,FWD minivan, 73k

our price

$20,995

2012 Ford Focus

Blue Candy Metallic,2.0L 4cyl., Auto., 57k

our price

$13,995


Jimbo


Radar spelled backwards is radar. They get you coming and going.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.



Nick Fortin

Josh Melnick

Jason MerrittLRTC Construction Teacher

Feel the power...Argh, Argh, Argh!

We have a very talented group of

seniors this year!

2012 ChevroletMalibu

Gold, 2.4L 4cyl.,Auto, 39k

our price

$12,995

2011 ToyotaCamry

Sandy Beach Metallic,2.5L 4cyl., 17k

our price

$15,9952011 Toyota

Camry SE

Cosmic Gray Mica,2.5L 4cyl., 18k

our price

$19,595

2011 ToyotaPrius

Blue, 1.8L 4cyl., Hybrid, 34k

our price

$17,995

2012 ToyotaTundra

Silver, 5.7L, V8 Auto, 4WD, 13k

our price

$33,995

2010 Nissan Maxima

Black, 3.5L V6, CVT, 4 door, 27k

our price

$20,995

2013 ChevroletTahoe

Silver, 5.3L V8, 6 speed, 4WD, 10k

our price

$39,8882012 DodgeAvenger SE

Redline 2 coat Pearl,2.4L 4cyl, Auto., 37k

our price

$15,995

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201414

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

WOW! Don’t spend $18 at thebeauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$12Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;

Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Firehouse Grille • 47 Broad Street, New Auburn376-4959 • thefirehousegrille.biz

Home of the

Engine Co.

Burger

Every Mon. Night $6.99 Burger Special w/ 2 sides

Join Our Mug Club21 Draft beers

Buy $25 Gift Certificate and get $5 Extra in Firehouse Bucks

Valentine’s DaySpecial for TWO• Bottle of Wine or 2 Beers

• Shared appetizerChoice of 3 meals:

Beef Tips w/ garlic onion wine sauce,

Seafood Baked Stuffed Haddockor Chicken Marsala

choice of starch, veg. or salad

Split a dessert$49.95

Bring your ticket in before or after any

home game and receive

15% OFF!

Try our Homemade Baxter Beer Battered Onion Rings!

RollodromeRollodromeWhere Good Skaters Meet

Since1954

Available for private parties

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com

WINTER SCHEDULEThursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Sat. & Sun. - 1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Wednesday February 19th

School Vacation Skating 1:30 - 4pm

Saying Grace


Little Johnny and hisfamily were having aSunday dinner at hisgrandmother's house.

Everyone was seatedaround the table as thefood was being served.When Little Johnny re-ceived his plate, hestarted to eat rightaway.

"Johnny! Please waituntil we say ourprayer," said hismother.

"I don't need to," theboy replied.

"Of course, you do,"his mother insisted."We always say aprayer before eating atour house."

"That's at our house."Johnny explained. "Butthis is Grandma'shouse, and she knowshow to cook."


Jimbo


More than 1,000,000 Earths could fit inside the Sun.

Too small for the role of Pistachio, not curly enough to be a Cashew...The Almond.

Visit us at our newly renovated state of the art office at:730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pmFri. 8am-4pm

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit

with results that you will be proud to show off.

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Same Day Emergency Care

The Four CatsSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Four men were brag-ging about how smarttheir cats were. Thefirst man was an Engi-neer, the second anAccountant, the third aChemist and the fourthman was a Govern-ment Employee.

To show off, the Engi-neer called his cat, “T-square, do your stuff.”

T-square pranced overto the desk, took outsome paper and penand promptly drew acircle, a square, and atriangle. Everyoneagreed that was prettysmart.

But the Accountantsaid his cat could dobetter. He called his catand said, “Spread-sheet, do your stuff.”

Spreadsheet went outto the kitchen and re-turned with a dozencookies. He dividedthem into four equalpiles of three cookies.Everyone agreed thatwas good.

But the Chemist saidhis cat could do better.He called his cat andsaid, “Measure, doyour thing.”

Measure got up,walked to the fridge,took out a quart of milk,got a 10 ounce glassfrom the cupboard andpoured exactly 8oz.without spilling a drop

(continued on next page)

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201416

It was so cold... When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold... We had to chop up the piano for firewood, and we barely hit one chord.

It was so cold... When we parked the dog sled, we either had to plug in the dogs, or keep them running in place!

• Computer Diagnostics• Maine State

Inspection Station• Brake Pads & Rotors

• Shocks & Struts• Oil Changes• Exhaust Repair• $50/hr Labor Rate

Located @ 747 Minot Ave. in Auburn

(Behind Fastenal Services)

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR

Chance

Get your car fixed at A-Plus Auto

Repair before I unleashthese Karate chopping

hands on you!

Bring in this ad & receive

10% OFFYour Total bill!

A-Plus Auto Repair747 Minot Ave, Auburn

786-0522Expires 2.28.14

✃

into the glass.Everyone agreed thatwas pretty good.

Then the three menturned to the Govern-ment Employee andsaid, “What can yourcat do?”

The Government Em-ployee called his catCoffee Break and said,“do your stuff.”

Coffee Break jumpedto his feet... He drankthe milk ate the cook-ies, and then beat upthe other three cats.Later he claimed he in-jured his back whiledoing so, so he filed agrievance report for un-safe working condi-tions, put in forWorkers Compensa-tion and went home forthe rest of the day onsick leave.


New Generation

Submitted by Jimbo

Needing to look up aphone number at afriend’s house, myteenage daughterasked for a phonebook. She might aswell have asked for apapyrus scroll.

“A phone book?” askedher friend.

“You know,” said mydaughter. “A book withnumbers in it.”

“Oh,” said her friend asit dawned on her. “Youmean a math book.”

Sophiefrom The Doggz Inn

would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!

Photo credit:Artistic Touch

Photography


Jimbo


It was so cold... Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.' - W.C. Fields



Randy Swanof Randall Swan Construction

judge the students work

Chris Poisson

Some great work here for sure.

Pretty impressive for high school kids!

Vincent Callgiuri

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201418

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. – John Lennon

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. – Ralph Marston

A day of the Dogs

Bella

Marley

Playing ball in the snow... a perfect day!

Uncle Andy said to theGym instructor, "Canyou teach me to do thesplits?"

He said, "How flexibleare you?"

Uncle Andy said, "Ican't make Tuesdays."

Sophie


Jimbo


She walked to the altar so many times, they're trying to make her pay for the carpet.

Doctor: “Drink a glass of milk after a hot bath.” Uncle Andy: “I don't think I'll have space left.”

&RemoteStarters

www.soundeffectsmaine.com216 Center Street, Auburn

Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building777-3339

HeatedSeats

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad’s Precision Auto

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

• Appointments required• Fully warranteed & certified• $60/hr labor rate

NO PROBLEM!

333-0364 Marek & Malloryage 7 age 4

You’ll be smiling too after our daddyfixes your car at areasonable price!

Valentine’s Dance

Members’ MeetingSunday, Feb. 23rd 3:00pm

New AuburnSocial Club7 Second Street, Auburn

782-9039

February2014 Friday, Feb. 14th

8pm - Midnight

Live Music by

Lost & Found Band!First 50 Ladies get

a long stemmed

rose & a great

door prize!

Out ’n About atSound Effects

Big Keith& L’il Chris

Big or small we install ‘em all.

Scott & IsaacFeldman

Isaac Feldman

Yeah, I’m lookingat compet-ing in the

2018 Winter

Olympics

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201420

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.

Great Winter Specials going

on NOW!

• Wheel alignment & balancing

• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983

60 Minot Ave • Auburn782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.

A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

OUR TIRES

Scooter

Sasseville Chiropractic

Wellness Center,now located at 416 SabattusStreet in Lewiston, is excitedto welcome Dr. Grant Lemireto their office. He will be of-fering chiropractic care, moretreatment times and a specialnew technique called the Ac-tive Release Technique! Callthe office at 777-3333 toschedule an appointmenttoday!

Dr. Grant Lemire, a Liver-more Falls native, followedhis dream to Davenport, Iowaand completed his Doctorateof Chiropractic at Palmer Col-lege of Chiropractic in2013. He is a full body certi-fied Active Release Technique(ART) practitioner which is asoft tissue system/movementbased technique that is usedto restore smooth movementof tissues and to releasetrapped nerves.

Dr. Lemire uses manualadjusting, flexion-distraction,and activator methods. Hehas a special interest insports medicine/rehabilitationand wellness (nutrition, exer-cise, and positive thinking)and is pursuing post graduatestudies in Fascial DistortionModel (FDM). He is a mem-ber of the ACA (AmericanChiropractic Association) andICA (International Chiroprac-tors Association). He enjoysstaying active and is an avidNew England sports fan.

See their ad on page 60for more information.


Jimbo


Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.

Don't worry about what people think of you, they don't do it very often.

SNOW, SLEET, ICE...

WE’RE HERE FOR YOU!

COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING

We are a professional collision repair and painting facility. All work is guaranteed! Free estimates.

Tasha Pelletier, Model

782-65151111 Center Street, Auburn

~ Next to Jim’s Auto Sales ~

AUTO BODY

Musical MoneySubmitted by Jimbo

Thanks for the harmon-ica you gave me forChristmas," LittleJohnny said to hisuncle the first time hesaw him after the holi-days. "It's the bestChristmas present Iever got."

That's great," smiledhis uncle. "Have youlearned how to play ityet?"

"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "Mymom gives me a dollara day not to play it dur-ing the day, and mydad gives me five dol-lars a week not to playit at night."

Dr. Chandra Sasseville

The staff at Sasseville Chiropractic Wellness Centeris proud to announce thatDr. Chandra Sasseville hasbeen appointed to the Boardof Chiropractic Licensure!

“Thank you Dr. Sassevillefor your commitment toethics and your unbendingattitude to the prudent deliv-erance of care to the Lewis-ton/Auburn Community!”

Baby PhenomAttempts

Dead Lifting World Record* *Editor’s note: This came from Uncle Andy, so do you

really believe anything that comes out of his mouth?

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201422

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Take the mystery out of driving....use your turn signal.

86 Court St., Auburn777-3579

[email protected] Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner

J.T. Reid’s GunsFull Line Gunsmith Service

J.T. REID’S GUNSJ.T. REID’S GUNSGUN SHOW

When: Saturday, February 15th

Time: 9:00am - 5:00pm

Where: Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

Cost: $5/person (under 16 & active duty military FREE)

Buy • Sell • Trade • Concessions

Concealed firearmsprohibited in showeven with permit.

This is guns and ammo show only featuring dealers from New England.

Contact J.T. Reid’s Gunsfor more information.

BirthingClass

Submitted by Jimbo

“Ok everyone,” said theinstructor at thebirthing class trying toget everyones atten-tion. “We are going todo an exercise now,that’s purpose is tohelp the men sympa-thize with their partners.”

“Here we have a preg-nancy suit,” said thewoman instructor, hold-ing up an artificialstomach with a strap.“This imitates the feel-ing of being pregnant.Which husband wouldlike to volunteer to bethe first one to try iton?”

“I will,” said one man,taking the suit and try-ing it on. “This isn’t toobad said the man walk-ing around. I think Icould get used to this.”

“Ok”, said the instructorsmiling, “now I wouldlike you to bend downand pick up my penfrom the floor.”

“You want me to pick itup?” he said hesitantly,”just as I would if I waspregnant?”

“Yes!” said the instruc-tor.

“Honey,” said the manturning to his spouse“do you mind pickingup that pen for me?”


Jimbo


Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.

My mail is a little slow. Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

*Restrictions & qualification apply

Call Dane, Ken, orMichele today!

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

Spring is right around the corner! Whether it’s a

4-wheeler, a motorcycle or any other vehicle we’ve got you

covered!

Sweetheart Loans Available Here!

Out ’n About at theL-A Harley

Chili Cook-off

Gabby Martin,Geremy Bubier &

Clay Bubier

Come on down here and get some

good bikes!

Gino Cote & Bert Asselin

2 neighborhood buddies

John Taylor

John Story, the owner of L-A Harley

is one great guy!

Mac’s Grill1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 macsgrill.com

Our NEW expansion is now OPEN!

THE place to be for lunch

or dinner any dayof the week!

20% OFFBURGERS

30% OFFAll Draft Beers

Every Monday in February

Every Monday in February

Bring yoursweetheart toMac’s, you’ll

LOVE it!

Special Menu

Thursday, Friday, &

Saturday for Lovers

(Feb. 13,14, & 15)

Make reservations now!

$25ppincludes appetizer,soup or salad,

entree & dessert!Come watch your favorite sporting eventin our brand new 1300 sq. ft. bar area. 11 TV’s • 16 beers on tap • Full menu all

the time!


Jimbo


Whoever said not to cry over spilled milk has obviously never had to pump before.

The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.


Chili Cook-off

Lori Walsh

Sonny Daggett

Kathy & PhilCunningham

I love Harleys!Brrruuuummm...

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201426

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

A cannibal's favorite game is 'swallow the leader'.

My Sweet ValentineMake Reservations NOW for this Valentines Special

Bring your sweetie to Shooter’s on Feb. 14th &enjoy this amazing package:

128 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 345-7040

All you can eat spaghetti & meatballs,garlic bread & salad, a pitcher of domestic beer, a box of chocolates, 2 glasses of champagne & roses...

ALL for $40. WOW!! Live entertainment starts

at 8:30 so you can dance the night away with your

honey!

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.


Chili Cook-off

Harold & TracySmall

Valerie & Mike Dozewith their son, Mikey

Yes, I can see me sitting on my new

Harley and you’re theretoo, honey.

Leo Simoneau

Brad & Angela

OPEN 7 Days6am - 8pm

*equal or lesser value

Daily Specials:Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59

Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99

Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99

........................................................................lg. $3.49

Thursday: BLT Bowl of (Chili $3.99)

......................................................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49

Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49

Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59

Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza

BUY 1 LARGE PIZZA

GET 1 FREE*

Not to be combined with any other special

Expires2.28.14SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus

375-8502

Try us once,

you’ll be a

regular!

Our Food Will Warm You Up!!It’s cold outthere...


Jimbo


I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!

QuickBooks Classes Offered

BookkeepingPlus

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

Bookkeeping Services

GOT HEAT?? FREE winter Checkup With Ad

Buying Single Items or Entire Estates!386 Minot Avenue • Auburn

312-9139 • [email protected]

Quality Used Furnitureat affordable prices!

Past 2 Present Furniture

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

Unique TreasuresSee Us for Collectibles • Antiques • Vintage

Classy Elegance & Second Hand Treasures32 Riverside Dr. • Auburn • 998-5525

“She did our wedding. Absolutely AMAZINGJOB! Highly recommended! Thank you for every-thing you made our special day so much better!"

Photo taken by La Belle Vue Photography

Don’t Stress in that Dress!

VISITRachelVerrillEvents.com

or Call 740-1409

– Josh Tice

HARRIS BROTHERS

HARRISBROS.

Call us!No Separating Required!

743-3891PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARISMINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

“Doing business without advertising is like winkingin the dark, you know what you’re doing but nobody

else does.” – Guerrilla Marketing

Join all the other smart businessowners you see in this magazine...

you’ll be glad you did!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST783-7039 • [email protected]

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201428A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.

I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

A golf course is a site to be holed.

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St. New Auburn753-0171

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Rolly’s Diner

Ben & Marge Lizotteeat at Rolly’s Diner everyday!

I love the bigportions youget at Rolly’s!

Their VeggieOmelette is

fantastic! One ofmy favorites!

Fixing theGolf SwingSubmitted by Jimbo

Stevie Wonder andJack Nicklaus are in abar. Nicklaus turns toWonder and says,"How is the singing ca-reer going?"

Stevie Wonder says,"Not too bad, the latestalbum has gone intothe top 10, so all in all Ithink it is pretty good.By the way how is thegolf."

Nicklaus replies: "Nottoo bad, I am not win-ning as much as I usedto but I'm still making abit of money. I havesome problems withmy swing but I thinkI've got that right now."

"I always find thatwhen my swing goeswrong I need to stopplaying for a while andthink about it, then thenext time I play itseems to be all right,"says Stevie.

"You play golf!?" asksJack.

Stevie says, "Yes, Ihave been playing for years."

"But I thought you wereblind; how can you playgolf if you are blind?"Jack asks."

I get my caddie tostand in the middle of


Tanner Marston, senior starting catcher at Poland Regional High School is flanked by Ryan Reid, left, who is agraduate of Deering High School and went on to play at James Madison University. He was drafted by theTampa Bay Rays in the 7th round in 2006. Ryan (RH pitcher) was picked up off waivers by the New York Metsin December 2013. Charlie Furbush, right, graduated from South Portland High School, played college ball atLSU. Charlie is a crafty lefty who was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in the 4th round in 2007. He now pitchesfor the Seattle Mariners.

Rubbing Elbows with Big Leaguers

Major League Baseball Playfrom MAINE


Jimbo


Math teachers have lots of problems.

A pat on the back is only a foot short from a kick in the butt.

I went to the store to buy some soup but they were out of stock.

VOTED #1: Best Sports Pub & Best Burgers in L/A area!

Valentine’s Day Specials for 2

all day!

Come watch your favorite team

on our 13 plasma

TVs!

$6.99 Lunch SpecialsMon. - Fri.

Come Check it out!

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

the fairway and hecalls to me. I listen forthe sound of his voiceand play the ball to-wards him, then when Iget to where the balllands the caddiemoves to the green orfurther down the fair-way and again I playthe ball towards hisvoice," explains Stevie.

"But how do you putt?"Nicklaus wondered.

"Well," says Stevie, "Iget my caddie to leandown in front of thehole and call to mewith his head on theground and I just playthe ball to the sound ofhis voice."

Nicklaus says, "What isyour handicap?" "

Well, I play scratchgolf," Stevie assuresJack.

Nicklaus is incredulousand says to Stevie,"We must play a gamesometime."

Wonder replies, "Well,people don't take meseriously so I only playfor money, and I neverplay for less than$100,000 a hole."

Nicklaus thinks it overand says, "OK, I'm upfor that. When wouldyou like to play?"

"I don't care - any nightnext week is OK withme."


Don Morrison, Lt. Adam Gormely & Jason Hall

Out ’n About at the Crystal LakeIce Fishing Derby

It was a perfect day for an ice fishing derby. The Maine Warden Service

was proud to take part in it.

yers

Out ’n About at the

Crystal

LakeIce

Fishing Derby

The Crystal Lake Ice FishingDerby was a huge successand a lot of fun! They re-ceived enough fish to feed100 people through theWayside Food Program in

Portland. Fish for A Cure Derby was

held on February 1st in Sabat-tus, February 8th in Phippsburg,

and February 15-16 is the big Sebago Derby.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201430Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you start this thing?"

Can a physicist read the periodic table? Isotope so.

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite AHighland Spring Road, Lewiston

786-4311

Happy Valentine’s Dayfrom All of Us at Kutters Korner!

Purchase a GiftCertificate for

your sweetheart &be entered to win

a door prize!

Any Set of 2for $25

Hours: Tues. & Thu. 6am - 8pmWed. 6am - 5pm Fri. 8:30am - 3pm

Sat. 8am - 1pm

Maine Game Wardensalways have your back

Jason

Hall & Debra Rum

ery

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.

Here are the winning catches

from the Crystal Lake Derby:

Adult Trout1.#256 Matt Boolt 4.20lb2.#187 Lucas Rodrigue 2.66lb3.#899 Albert Holden Jr. 2.10 lb4.#909 Greg Massey 1.92lb

Adult EEL1.#570Bobby Reed 1.74lb

Adult Bass1.#269 Freeman Forbs 5.74lb

Adult Pickerel1.#394 Dave Thibeault 1.28lb

Adult Perch1.#659 John Tibbets 1.01lb

Kids Trout1.#180 Alexis Larracey 1.19lb2.#200 Andrew Shaw 1.16lb3.#135 Anthony Ales 1.16lb

Kids Bass1. Emily Hassey 3.09lb

First Day of ClassSubmitted by Thomas Hill

One day a college pro-fessor was greeting hisnew college class. Hestood up in front of theclass and asked if any-one in the class was amoron, and if theywere, they shouldstand.

After a minute a youngman stood up. The pro-fessor then asked thekid if he actuallythought he was amoron. The kid replied,“No, I just didn’t wantto see you standingthere all by yourself.”


Jimbo


I'm so bright my mother calls me son.

60 cows can produce a ton of milk each day.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Calling All LoversJoin us for dinner Valentine’s Weekend

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com

Join usThursday, Friday or Saturday

(Feb. 13, 14 or 15th)for a Valentine’s Special Dinner!

in the main restaurant or ask about our

LOFT LOVERS SPECIAL!(our private dining area

upstairs with music, wine & lovers menu)

Call us to makereservations

or for more info!

We’ll have aspecial menuthat weekend

for LOVERS inour loft with aspecified winefor each meal.


Chili Cook-off

A.J. Ridley &Dawn Bergeron

Brian Loveringwon 2nd Place for his

Devil Dog Chili

George Gardner III & Letitia

Laverdiere

I heard Digest fans also LOVE 107.5 Frank FM.

The seniors at LRTC pose with one of the wall sections built during the competition. The winner will move onto the state competition in Bangor in mid March. The winner of that moves on to represent the state of Maine

in June in Kansas City. Pictured are Isaac Lane, Jake Matson, Derek Montminy, Josh Melnick, Tanner Marston,Colby Tremblay, Chris Poisson, Nick Fortin, Vincent Callgiuri & Jason Merritt (Construction Teacher).

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston

Regional Technical Center

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201432

I do a lot of spreadsheets in the office so you can say I'm excelling at work.

When I'm feeling tired at work I just use my smart phone to download a nap.

Affordable Office Solutions • 550 Lisbon Street in the Pepperell Mill, Lewiston (formerly S


Chili Cook-off

Sarah Verrill

Jen & StevenBowdich

won 3rd Place with their chili

Randy & DebbieSmith

Hottest chili

Go Air Force!

Always drink upstreamfrom the herd.


Jimbo


A guy became so good with a chainsaw that he was promoted to branch manager.

How could I trust the ceiling fan installer when I knew he was always screwing up.

Sherm Arnolds Flooring & Kitchen) • www.cubiclesinmaine.com • 783-4820 or 1-866-464-CUBE

Join us for our...

March 1st, 2014

in our NEW Location!550 Lisbon Street in thePepperell Mill, Lewiston

Special Sale Prices All Day!10% OFF Entire Purchase to our first 10 Customers

Enter Our Grand Prize Drawing for a chance to WIN a FREE Eurotech Task Chair

Stop in and talk to the PREMIEROffice Solutions Specialists in the state!


Chili Cook-off

Jack Brooks

Cathy & BobRivard

Watch out for #1!

Jamie & LucyReynolds

I'm not cheap, but I amon special this week.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201434It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

Yes some people claim to enjoy exercise, but then some people claim to have been abducted by aliens.

Letter fromBoot CampSubmitted by Jimbo

Dear Ma and Pa,I am well. Hope youare. Tell Brother Waltand Brother Elmer theMarine Corps beatsworking for old manMinch by a mile. Tellthem to join up quickbefore all of the placesare filled.

I was restless at firstbecause you get tostay in bed till nearly 6am. But I am getting soI like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer allyou do before break-fast is smooth your cot,and shine some things.No hogs to slop, feedto pitch, mash to mix,wood to split, fire to lay.Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but itis not so bad, there’swarm water. Breakfastis strong on trimmingslike fruit juice, cereal,eggs, bacon, etc., butkind of weak on chops,potatoes, ham, steak,fried eggplant, pie andother regular food, buttell Walt and Elmer youcan always sit by thetwo city boys that liveon coffee. Their food,plus yours, holds youuntil noon when youget fed again. It’s nowonder these city boyscan’t walk much.

We go on “routemarches,” which theplatoon sergeant saysare long walks to


596 Main St., Oxford • 539-8811maine-lyaction.com


Jimbo


My eyelids are so beautiful, I can't keep my eyes off them.

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it'll always get you the right ones.

5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577Finish a full-size omelette and have

your picture put on our wall of fame!

Wall of Fame Inductees!Family-style restaurant serving

breakfast & lunch every day!

WE’RE BETTINGWe’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.

�Home of the Double Yolker�

Egg-ceptional Restaurant

You’ll LOVE our food!

Jonathan & Shane Corcoranof Gray & Poland

harden us. If he thinksso, it’s not my place totell him different.

A “route march” isabout as far as to ourmailbox at home. Thenthe city guys get sorefeet and we all rideback in trucks.

The sergeant is like aschool teacher. Henags a lot. The Captainis like the schoolboard. Majors andcolonels just ridearound and frown.They don’t bother younone.

This next will kill Waltand Elmer with laugh-ing. I keep gettingmedals for shooting. Idon’t know why. Thebulls-eye is near as bigas a chipmunk headand don’t move, and itain’t shooting at youlike the Higgett boys athome.

All you got to do is liethere all comfortableand hit it. You don’teven load your owncartridges They comein boxes.

Then we have whatthey call hand-to-handcombat training. Youget to wrestle withthem city boys. I haveto be real carefulthough, they break realeasy.

It ain’t like fighting withthat ole bull at home.I’m about the best theygot in this except forthat Tug Jordan from



A Request for YOUR HelpWe are GROWING and so is our need for more Board Members! We are coming to our supporters with a great need. As many of youalready know, a board of directors is crucial to a non-profit agency.The success or failure of Habitat is significantly due to our volun-teers. Without a board of directors, there will be no Habitat in An-droscoggin or Oxford County for people to volunteer with. We havebeen blessed with a very hard working, but extremely small, groupof individuals. Those individuals need some assistance in order forus to thrive and grow in Androscoggin and Oxford Counties. We haveto get more individuals involved on a basic and ground level, or bet-ter known as the board of directors. Our current board wants to ensure that Habitat can successfully support the mem-bers and families of Androscoggin and Oxford Counties. WE CAN NOT DO THAT WITHOUT YOUR HELP!!

New board members don’t have to be on the nuts-and-bolts of home construction (though they certainly can if theywish). We are looking for new board members who can meet monthly to help guide our overall efforts for AHFH, and help

attract the people and energy we need to ensure a vibrant, sustainable future for the families we serve. We are looking for individuals who care about the housing needs of low income families, and about

making our community a better place for these hard-working men, women and children. You mightbe a teacher, a student, a business owner or vendor, a corporate officer, a stay-at-home mom or a re-tiree. It doesn't matter what you do for a living, what matters is what you are willing to give back toyour community. We hope for diversity of experience to help make us stronger. Would you be willingto help? Or do you know someone who would be a good addition to the Habitat Board? We appreci-ate all referrals! If you have any questions, or would like to express interest, please call or write Kim Veilleux at [email protected] or 786-2598.

Many Hands Make Light Work

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201436Action - Actions speak louder than words, with fewer lies and not so often!

Jim’s Rent It

1097 Center St., Auburn

• Car Rentals• Pickup Truck Rentals• Convertibles

Lowest priced car rental in the area!

• Passenger Vans with 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity

Car accidents, no problem!We offer insurance-paid car rentals

Call 784-5438 for details

I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.

over in Silver Lake, Ionly beat him once.

He joined up the sametime as me, but I’monly 5’6″ and 130pounds and he’s 6’8″and near 300 poundsdry.

Be sure to tell Walt andElmer to hurry and joinbefore other fellers getonto this setup andcome stampeding in..

Your loving daughter,Alice


Simon Hebert & Mike Hebertof Hebert Construction judge the students work



A Leg UpSubmitted by Thomas Hill

An Old man went tothe doctor complainingof a terrible pain in hisleg. “I am afraid it’s justold age,” replied thedoctor, “there is noth-ing we can do about it.”

“That can’t be,” fumedthe old man, “you don’tknow what you aredoing.”

“How can you possiblyknow I am wrong?”countered the doctor.

“Well it’s quite obvi-ous,” the old manreplied, “my other leg isfine, and it’s the exactsame age!”

Crazy MaineLaws

Did you know that yourshoelaces must be tiedwhen walking down thestreet in Portland?


Jimbo


Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. “We'll see about that.”

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Open7 Days a Week9 AM - 5 PM

Featuring

131Vendors

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

We honor:M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK”

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES

Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

Always

Buying

Regular Paperbacks$1/each

20% - 75% OFF

INVENTORYREDUCTION

SALE!

The Colonial Cupboard

Handmade Shaker FurnitureNext to the Undercover Flea Market

In-stock items finished & unfinished

Need a certain special piece?

We do custom orders and sizes;

quick turnaround, quality

craftsmanship, and reasonable prices.

Open Sat. & Sun. 9am - [email protected]

207-595-7774

Out ’n About at theCrystal Lake Ice

Fishing Derby

Moxie the Moosewith Debra Rumery

Ice fishing is myfavorite sport.

Herefishy,fishy,fishy.

It takes Moxie to get me out in this

cold weather...

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201438For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

Check out our new website:

www.CummingsAgency.com

Your One Stop Shop For All Your Insurance Needs

9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414Jeff & Nora Cummings

Diane Morissette • Joline Waite

Willow Tree Primitives

850 Main Street, Lewiston

754-8784www.willowtreeprimitiveshop.com

Open 7 Days a Week 10am - 5pm

Iron ManSubmitted by Thomas Hill

An owner at a localclub was so sure thathis bouncer was thestrongest man aroundthat he offered a stand-ing $1,000 bet that nocould beat him.

The challenge was thatthe bouncer wouldsqueeze a lemon untilall the juice ran out intoa glass. He would thenhand the lemon to thecustomer, and the firstone who couldsqueeze even onemore drop out of thelemon would win themoney.

Over the years manypeople had tried this,truck drivers, weightlifters, karate masters,and all had failed.

Then one day thisgeeky little fella withheavy black rimmedglasses came into thebar and asked if hecould try the challenge.

After the laughter hadsubsided the clubowner said that it wasonly fair that the manbe given a chance atthe bet, so the bouncerpicked up a lemon andstarted squeezing.

Once he was done, hehanded the remains tothe little man whopromptly squeezed out4 more drops of juiceinto the glass.

Everyone looked on in(continued on next page)


Jimbo


Maine is almost as big as all the New England states combined in size.

Family Friendly Dentist~ Right in Your Backyard ~

Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997

Accepting New Patients!

James F. Weigand, DDSGeneral Dentistry364 Maine StreetPoland Spring • 998-4587(Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122 Most Insurances Accepted

In 1623, America's first sawmill was established in York, Maine.

Georgio’s740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981

Open daily 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

Not to mention Breakfast Pizza, Muffins,Donuts & More... all made fresh on premises!

Locally owned

& operated

Breakfast SandwichOnly $1.00

Egg, cheese, & ham,bacon or sausage on

our own homemade roll!Spend $20

& get a FREE pastry

tray!

Think Spring!

amazement as theowner handed over theprize and asked "Whatdo you do for a livingthat has given yousuch strength? Are youa construction worker,weightlifter, what?"

"No" the man replied, "Iwork for the IRS."


Deb Leonardwinner of a 4 pack of ticketsto a Portland Pirates game.Deb won a caption conteston the Uncle Andy’s DigestFacebook page.

Scott & BraydenCorriveau

Another winner of a 4 packof tickets to a Portland Pi-rates game.

Our Facebook page isrockin’ - LIKE us andYOU might win, too!

WINNERS!

AwesomeSequence

Photography

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201440

She's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

Search: Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners

Life is Busy!

Let us help!!

Watch for Specials on our Facebook page

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OPBehind Rite Aid off Union Street Bypass

#1 DROP OFF YOUR LAUNDRY #2 WE WASH #3 WE DRY #4 WE FOLD

COMING IN FEBRUARYWash, Dry & Fold Service!

Call or inquire within for more information.

Out ’n About at theAllure Hair & Nail

Salon Open House

Julie Belanger

Muriel Bureau

Jackie Ricker

This is my first time appearing

in this great magazine!


Jimbo


I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm • Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

Looking for a NEW Place to doYour Laundry & Dry Cleaning?We’re Open EVERY Night until 9pm!

34 Washers from 10 lb to 80 lb capacity40 Dryers!

Our customers say, “Beal’s is the cleanestLaundromat in L/A!”


Salon Open House

Stephanie Nadeau

Katilynn Strong

Dee Kelley

This open house had something very Allure-ing about it.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201442

When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband"

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

Ashley, left holding BabyGirl & Chloe holding Cae-sar. Sophie is in the chair.

Out ’n About atDoggz INN

Cold WaterSubmitted by Thomas Hill

John went to visit his90 year old grandfatherin a very secluded,rural area of Georgia.

After spending a greatevening chatting thenight away, John'sgrandfather preparedbreakfast of bacon,eggs and toast. How-ever, John noticed afilm like substance onhis plate, and ques-tioned his grandfatherasking, "Are theseplates clean?"

His grandfather replied,"They're as clean ascold water can getthem. Just you goahead and finish yourmeal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old manmade hamburgers.


There’s always room at

our INN.


Jimbo


If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? – Robin Alumbaugh

Action - A man ordinarily has the time to do all the things he really wants to do.

Always paying the best prices!(prices subject to market changes)

6 1 5 - 7 0 57 o r 7 9 5 - 8 8 8 7

B AT T E R Y & C O R E

15 Pierce Street, AuburnAcross from Maine Oxy. • Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm

Paying TOP prices for computer scraps!

Automobile & Truck BatteriesDie CastAlloy Rims#1 Steel Prepared/better grad-

ing/better payoutStarters & AlternatorsCatalytic Converters

Cell Phone ScrapComputer Towers Stainless

Electronic Scrap

Mother Boards • Cores

Brass • Alternators

Starters • Motors • Pumps

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler

We pay EXTRA for copper & brass from LARGEbusinesses with LARGE quantities!

Computer Board Scraps

Copper • Aluminum

• Insulated Wire

Electric Motors,

Radiators, Transmissions

Nobody pays higher pricesthan us! Stop by and find out for

yourself!!

My job is towrite you a big

check!

Again, John was con-cerned about theplates as his appearedto have tiny specksaround the edge thatlooked like dried eggand asked, "Are yousure these plates areclean?"

Without looking up theold man said, "I toldyou before, Sonny,those dishes are asclean as cold watercan get them. Nowdon't you fret, I don'twant to hear anotherword about it!"

Later that afternoon,John was on his way toa nearby town and ashe was leaving, hisgrandfather's dogstarted to growl, andwouldn't let him pass.John yelled and said,"Grandpa, your dogwon't let me get to mycar."

Without diverting hisattention from the foot-ball game he waswatching on TV, the oldman shouted..."COLDWATER, GOLAY DOWN!!"


Did You Know?

Jethro Tull is not thename of the rock singerresponsible for suchsongs as "Aqualung"and "Thick as a Brick."Jethro Tull is the nameof the band. The singeris Ian Anderson. Theoriginal Jethro Tull wasan English horticultural-ist who invented theseed drill.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201444

You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!

Yes, Boss, I'm now saving my coffee breaks. When I have enough together I'm taking Friday off.

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC• 250 Tables of Guns & Related Items

• Firearm Laws Will Be Observed

• CONTEMPORARY & ANTIQUEGUNS OF ALL KINDS

• KNIVES & OTHER RELATED ITEMS

Admission: Adults: $8Children under 12: Free with adult

Dealers from

throughout

New England

Auburn Exchange Club’s38th Annual Twin Cities

GUN SHOWSAT. MARCH 29th 9-4SUN. MARCH 30th 9-3

at the

LewistonArmoryCentral Ave.,

Lewiston

Kamden, Missy

& Ken MooreDawn Bergeron hugs her

grandson, Kamden


Chili Cook-off

Daniel Brandon

Mary Kay Marston

Rembert Lessard


Jimbo


The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. – Mike Murdock

What do you call a group of crows staring at a bird feeder? A tempted murder.

Kim Lisa185 Webster St., Lewiston • 783-0200

Like us on Facebook • AllureStudioLewiston.com

Come experience

Customer Service

at its BEST!

Don’t Forget YOUR Valentine!Come and experience our 1 hour spa pedicure

ONLY $40 (a $60 value)

for the month of February!

Gift CardsAvailable!Make Your

appointment

Today!

Ask about our

referral program!

Howling Hill Dog Boarding

Come Get the Most Bark for Your Bucks!Doggie Daycare $13/Day

Only $9 for 2nd Dog!

113A Fish Hatchery Road, New Gloucester

272-7917

Find us on Facebook

Overnights also available!

Doggie Daycare Spots Available Call NOW!

Family owned & operated. Owners

live on premises!

Christine Robichaud & Melanie Thompson

We love wine while

we’re dipping in paraffin.

Angella Brissette& Cody Watson

I thought my itchy palms meant

I was coming into somemoney... Now I hear it’s just dry winter

skin. Oh well, I’ll justenjoy the hot wax

treatment.


Salon Open House

Little KnownFact

Charles Richter wasborn near Hamilton,Ohio, in 1900. Richteris most famous as thecreator of the Richtermagnitude scale that,until the developmentof the moment magni-tude scale in 1979,quantified the size ofearthquakes.

"If it falls your lot to bea street sweeper,sweep streets likeMichelangelo paintedpictures, like Shake-speare wrote poetry,like Beethoven com-posed music; sweepstreets so well that allthe host of Heaven andEarth will have topause and say, Herelived a great sweeper,who swept his jobwell."

– Martin Luther King, Jr.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201446

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCECall 753-9887 or 576-8528 Fully Insured • Many References Available

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.“The Difference is in the Details”

New Homes

Call us for your FREE quote!Call us for your FREE quote!

Sun RoomsGarages

Brains vs.Brawn


The strong young manat the construction sitewas bragging that hecould outdo anyone ina feat of strength. Hemade a special case ofmaking fun of one ofthe older workmen.After several minutes,the older worker hadhad enough.

“Why don’t you putyour money whereyour mouth is,” he said.“I will bet a week’swages that I can haulsomething in a wheel-barrow over to that out-building that you won’tbe able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,”the braggart replied.“Let’s see what yougot.”

The old man reachedout and grabbed thewheelbarrow by thehandles. Then, noddingto the young man, hesaid, “all right, get in.”

Q. What can you nevereat for breakfast?

A.Dinner.

Sugar plays more rolesin jams and jellies thanjust sweetening thefruit. Sugar helps topreserve the fruit injams and jellies from itsability to "tie up" waterin the mixture and in-hibit the growth of mi-croorganisms andbacteria.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • ColeFarms.com

SUN. Baked Scallops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99w/maple dijon butter

MON. Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

TUES. Chicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99w/salad or cole slaw & rolls

WED. Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6.99w/potato & rolls

THURS. New England Boiled Dinner . . . . .$9.99w/ corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

FRI. & SAT. Fried Haddock . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99Prime Rib Au Jus . . .sm. $14.99 lg. $17.79

DAILY SPECIALS

Join us on Friday & Saturday Nightsfor Live Music!

Scott Footerof New Gloucester

We Now Accept

Credit Cards!

Happy Hour 3-6pm Daily

14 Beers on Tap!Full Bar!

Being the soup, chowder &salad guy is cool.I’ve been here 5years & like the

fact my co-workersare laid back. I eathere everyday and

suggest you do the same!


Jimbo


A whopping 542,629 acres of Maine is a part of national and state parks.

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.

The state of Maine is estimated to contain 6,000 lakes and ponds.

Bottle Drives

Welcome!

6¢on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

UAD expires 2.28.14

Located in the building behind Dad’s PlaceHours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION

✃

Dad’s Redemption

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551

Come see the

Cleanest Redemp

East of the Mississippi!

Expanded hours coming this Spring!!

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINEQuality Workmanship, Outstanding Service

1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com

26 Years Experience

SAVE $1,000!When you use your income tax

return on any above ground poolSee store for details

NOBODY

BEATS

OUR

PRICES!

Sweet February

Deal!

Just add it to my to

do list...

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201448

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. – Andy Rooney

I purchased a microwave bed recently, 8 hours sleep in 10 minutes.

To be held at

Poland Regional High Schoolto benefit 2014 Project GraduationSaturday, March 1, 2013

(storm date March 2)

Doors open at 5:00 pmShow starts at 6:00 pm

Tickets available at:

PRHS Mechanic Falls Town Office

Minot Town OfficeAll ticket sales are final - no refunds

$6/advance$10/door


Salon Open House

Linda Caouette

Jimbo*A little paraffin dip that is.

Kim Galgovitch &Kourtney Francoeur

Mothering comes natural to me...

but Lisa is not my daughter, Jimbo!!!

I like to take a dip every once

in a while.*

Yup, that’smy mommy!


Jimbo

February 2014 UncleAndys.com 495 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

There is a cannery in Wilton, Maine that cans and imports only dandelion greens.

Tarantula spiders can survive 2 and a half years without food.


Salon Open House

Pauline Guimond

Angella Brissette

Did You Know?

Blueberries are grown in35 states in the US,which produce over 90% of all of theblueberries in the world.Trivia buffs: The Native Americanstaught the pilgrims touse blueberries in many ways. Blueberrieswere dried in the sunand ground into a powder. The powderwas used to make apudding called Sautau-thig, and to seasonmeat as a spice rub.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201450

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

The 'black box' that houses an airplanes voice recorder is actually orange so it can bemore easily detected amid the debris of a plane crash.

Out ’n About at Fire-house Grille withthe Lewiston Fire

Dept.They were raising money for theAmerican Lung Association andsupporting the 12 Lewiston fire-fighters that did the Fight for AirClimb that happened at OneBoston Place on February 1.These firefighters climbed 41stories in full turnout gear joinedby 500+ other firefighters fromall over New England.

Bridget Cailler givesDave Beaule a medal be-cause his father Armand

is awesome.

I am just so excited to be

part of this great cause!

Firefighters DaveBeaule & Mike Laliberte

Firefighter Matt Wiers & wife, Stephanie Wiers


Jimbo


The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.

A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

BACKGROUND CHECKSBACKGROUND CHECKSPre-Employment

Local, State, National and Federal Criminal Historyincludes:

• SSN Verification/Address Verification• InstaNational Criminal History• Federal Criminal History• Maine SBI Criminal History• Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states• Interpol / FBI most wanted• Terrorist watch list

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

National Criminal History

including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99

SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75

Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00

Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00

State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00

State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00

Education verification....................................................15.00

Prior Employment verification ......................................10.00

Professional License verifications.................................10.00

Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state

National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

State and National Criminal Historyincludes:

• SSN verification/Address verification

• InstaNational criminal History• Maine SBI criminal history• Sex Offender/Violent Offender

search all states• Interpol / FBI most wanted

• Terrorist watch list• Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score

• National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

Tenant Screening

A La Carte Pricing

$45.00

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MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONSFull Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com


Dept.

Troy Cailler

Justin ShinkWe were told these firefight-ers have sad punums be-cause they shaved theirmustaches recently. We canonly assume they had toshave them for less winddrag while sprinting up 41flights of steps. Maybe itshaved off a few tenths of asecond?

Jimmy: Mmmmm!That turkey smellsgood and it's not evendone yet. How long willit be?

Mom: About the samelength as it was beforeI put it into the oven, Isuppose.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201452

The trampoline was on sale for 50% off. Needless to say I jumped on the offer.

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here."

I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot.

Ann’s Flowers14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

annsflower.com

Let Ann’s Flowers help make your sweethearts

Valentine’s Day memorable!

Linda Tardif, Kim Galgovitch, Sonny & Sylvia Tardif (Kim’s parents)

Christine Robichaud (of Panache),Kim Galgovitch & Lisa Olmstead (both own Allure)

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair& Nail Salon Open House

Thank you to everyone who

attended our Open House!What a great turn

out!!

We’re proud of our little girl.

This is a very nice salon.

Little KnownFact

The American popcornking was born in Brazil,Indiana. He and hispartner, Charlie Bow-man, tried tens of thousands of hybridstrains of popcorn before achieving suc-cess. Trivia buffs: Thehybrid was initiallycalled RedBow butthey were advised byan advertising agencyto use the name Orville Redenbacher to market the corn.

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo

February 2014 UncleAndys.com 53How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

If you work in a bakery you may have to take on many roles.

Let us Wrap Your Sweetheart’s Gift!

1052 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 783-9021 • eastcoastsigndesign.com

See the Experts in Vehicle Wrapping

We’re already booking

into the Spring!

Call us TODAY!!

After

FIRESIDESTOVE SHOP

WOOD • COAL • GAS • PELLET

1220 Center St., Auburn784-9249

www.firesidestoveshop.com

Quiet, clean, elegant stoves. Several styles to choose from.Sale on

Harman Stoves

Save up to $250

Call or stop in FMI

Sale ends 2.24.14

Out ’n About atFirehouse Grille

with the LewistonFire Dept.

It almost brings me to tears

thinking about a worldwithout our brave fire-

fighters!

Gloria Shoemaker

Firefighter & stairclimber Bob Cailler

Hey, I’ve got my eyes on that “rare” Lost Valley poster on

page 54!

In 1599, lightningstruck and destroyed achurch steeple in Ger-many. Between thattime and 1783, thesteeple was rebuilt andstruck by lightningthree more times...always on April 18th!

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201454

I saw this guy chatting up a cheetah; I thought, He's trying to pull a fast one.

The plumber had to quit his job because it was too much of a drain.

Used Commercial Buildings for Sale

For more info. Call 207-515-1119

Ask about

Delivery and

Set-up

Starting at $5.50/sq ft & up

10% OFF Your First Snow PlowingCommercial & Residential

FREEQUOTES

SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTINGSNOW REMOVAL

Morinexcavatin

gInc.

Andy Morin207.784.8293

cell: [email protected]

111 Sabattus Street,Lewiston • 782-4104

Limited edition poster

$5 RaffleAll monies go to the American Lung Association

We’re doing this to help support the

Lewiston Fire Department’sStair Climbing Team.

Raffle Tickets only available at The Hairem

(drawing will be held on March 1st)

1st Prize: Lost Valley Print ($500 value); 2nd Prize: $150 Gift Basket; 3rd Prize: Slump Bottom Creations

Pre-Flight Entertainment


At the airport for abusiness trip, Maureensettled down to wait forthe boarding an-nouncement at Gate35. Then she heard thevoice on the public ad-dress system saying,'We apologize for theinconvenience, butBOAC Flight 937 willboard from Gate 41.'

Maureen picked up herluggage and carried itover to Gate 41. Notten minutes later thepublic address voicetold her that Flight 937would in fact be board-ing from Gate 35.

So, again, Maureengathered her carry-onluggage and returnedto the original gate.Just as she was set-tling down, the publicaddress voice spokeagain, 'We would liketo thank all passengersfor participating inBOAC's physical fit-ness program.'

Little Known Fact

In 1999, BillyMitchell of Fort Laud-erdale, Florida, playedthe first perfectgame of the Pac-Manarcade video game atFunspot Arcade inWeirs Beach, NewHampshire. He scored3,333,360 points, themaximum possible. Theentire six-hour gamewas videotaped.


Jimbo


The promises of some tailors are pure fabrication.

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

Firefighter & stairclimber Justin Shink

& Bridget Cailler

Paul & Carmen Lalibertewith son, Firefighter

Mike Laliberte


Dept.Yes, we fight

fires but there’s no way I can douse

Bridget’s enthusiasm!

Firefighter Tim Pelletier,his wife Karen and their

daughter, Jillian

"When it comes to your

marriage, if the grass

looks greener some-

where else, it's time to

water your own yard!"

– Craig Groeschel

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201456

Have you ever read a book by Shakespeare? No only by candlelight.

Almost 90% of the nation's lobster supply comes from Maine.

For the month of February

One Hour Massage For CouplesRose Scented Pedicures

Complimentary Strawberries & ChocolateChampagne with every side by side service

Cassiels.com • 71 East Ave. Lewiston • 783-3321

I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.

Out ’n About atFirehouse Grille

with the LewistonFire Dept.

Retired LFD Captain Larry Morin

& wife, Connie

Sisters Bridget Cailler &

Kathy Buckingham

Happy Birthday,Kathy!

Troy Cailler

You’re probably wondering how I got to be so tall in such a

short time?


Jimbo


'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, “Have you got anything for wind?”He gave me a kite.

The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it. – Richard Bach

90% of the toothpicks available in America are manufactured in Maine.

Cussing Deacon

Submitted by Jimbo

A preacher had a dea-con in his church whohad a bad habit ofcussing.

In his attempt to helpthe deacon overcomethis terrible habit, thepreacher decided heshould spend somepersonal time with him.So, he invited him togo fishing.

They were both out ina boat and had theirlines in the water whenthe preacher hooked abig one. He worked itfor a long time and fi-nally got the fish up tothe edge of the boatwhen the line brokeand the fish got away.

Thoroughly disgusted,the preacher lookedover and said, “Dea-con, something needsto be said!”

Little KnownFact

In 1881, Wyatt Earp, histwo brothers, and DocHolliday fought with theIke Clanton gang inTombstone, Arizona.Three members of theIke Clanton gang werekilled while Earp's broth-ers were wounded. Themost common bit oftrivia associated withthis is that the gunfightdidn't take place at theOK Corral, but nearthe corner of Third andFremont Streets.

Andy, Danielle, Addie & Bella

Daddy, we want to go

for a ride!

We’re serious,Daddy!!

L-A Harley has the best

customer service!

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

Owen, Dwayne &Denise Wood

[email protected] • facebook.com/thedoggzinnhttp://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com

Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products

Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Dog GroomingDaycare & Boutique

The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq.ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small,

medium and large dogs!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

Est. 2008

65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210 • (207) 333-3640

Our professional cage-free grooming salon & spa offers avariety of grooming services for your four legged familymember. Our stylists use only professional groomingproducts designed for each individual coat type. Your dogwill be massaged and hand dried to ensure a safe & en-joyable experience.

All of our Spa services include teeth-brushing, premiumshampoos & conditioners. For the month of February visitus and receive 10% off all grooming services! We havevery flexible & friendly scheduling and we look forwardto serving you!

Jessica Kennagh featuring Mitch

10% OFFgrooming services

for the month of February!


Jimbo

February 2014 UncleAndys.com 59I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.

I probably have blind spots, but I don't see them.

We understand that caring for a loved one who has fallen ill, while managing the demands of your ownlife can be stressful and tiring. There’s no need to go at it all alone, let Assisted Home Care help you.

- We Offer -• Personal Care • Medication Reminders • Meal Preparation • Mobility/Walking Assistance • Light Housekeeping & Maintenance • Personal Laundry & Linen • Errands • Companionship

• Toileting, Bathing, & Personal Hygiene • Shopping • Socializing & Visits with friends • Respite Care

Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a weekHighly qualified staff - Certified Nurses’ Aides, MedicalTechnicians, Residential Medication Aides, Personal Care Assis-tants supervised by a Registered Nurse.Cost-Effective service • Rapid Response to ReferralsContinuity of Care - We strive to meet requests, ensuringconsistent staffing, and working as part of a healthcare teamConsistent staffing - We see ourselves as a family, a familythat wants to assist you and your family in your time of need

(207) 783-7375 • (207) 212-6736 ~ Nancy Merrill, Administrator

Assisted Home Care IIServing out community for over 16 years

Baseball players of allages turned out for apitching clinic put on atthe Edge Academy inPortland recently. Theclinic was hosted byMaine Major LeagueBaseball players Ryan Reid & Charlie Furbush.

I want to grow my ownfood but I can’t find anybacon seeds.

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201460

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

Here we arefolks!

Find Us at Our

NEWLocation!

Sasseville Chiropractic

By mid February we will be in our NEW Location at:

416 Sabattus Street in Lewiston

Our NEW office will be better forour patients in so many ways:• Better Parking• Handicap Accessible• More Space• New Doctor on Staff• Onsite X-rays• Same Day New Patient Appointments• And Much, Much More!

Accepting Most InsurancesCall TODAY to schedule! 777-3333

Joinus as we celebrate our 10th Anniversary on Feb. 17th!

Stop in and check out our NEW home!!

Accepting NEW Patients!

Did You Know?

The first full moon tooccur on the winter sol-stice, Dec. 22, com-monly called the firstday of winter, hap-pened in 1999. Since afull moon on the wintersolstice occurred inconjunction with alunar perigee (point inthe moon's orbit that isclosest to Earth), themoon appeared about14% larger than it doesat apogee (the point init's elliptical orbit that isfarthest from theEarth).

Since the Earth is alsoseveral million milescloser to the sun at thattime of the year than inthe summer, sunlightstriking the moon wasabout 7% strongermaking it brighter. Also,this was the closestperigee of the Moon ofthe year since themoon's orbit is con-stantly deforming. Inplaces where theweather was clear andthere was a snowcover, even car headlights were superfluous.

Full of Hot Air

Waiting for an elevatorat a local hospital, Iwas standing next to amaintenance personholding a bicycle pump.

Noticing my curiousstares, he looked at meand remarked with asmile, "It's the newestHMO oxygen program."

783-7039


Jimbo

February 201462

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

It is better to light just one candle...than to clean the whole apartment.

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY

95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210

Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President

(207) 784-6413

Do not neglectyour Septic System

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

ServiceRentalSales

We carry risers, covers,baffle replacements, septic additives.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNINGCO., INC.

111 Woodman Hill RDMinot, ME 04258

207.782.4508800.924.4500

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston

B E A T T H E C O L D w i t h a R e m o t e S t a r t e r

Many Pricing Options. Call for details 754-7873Lifetime Guarantee

Uncle Andy’scubicle aftera recentcomputertraining session.

"Life has got a habitof not standinghitched. You got toride it like you find it.You got to changewith it. If a day goesby that don't changesome of your old no-tions for new ones,that is just about liketrying to milk a deadcow."

– Woody Guthrie

Stewart Guilford & Friendsat Hadlock Field in Portland

There’s room on the table for more

trophies!

Boston Red SoxWorld Series trophies

’04, ’07 & ’13


Jimbo


It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

Showroom Hours: Mon. Tues. Wed.Fri. 8am 4:30pmOpen Thurs. until 6PM

APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • [email protected]

Tim Fox: 514-1137 • [email protected]

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to geteasy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Partnering with Professionals

3 Middle Street, Lewistonshowroom.redlon-johnson.com

Dr. Rose of Center Street Dental

Tiny Teeth with Important Jobs

Why are your child's babyteeth important if they arejust going to fall out anyway?It may seem obvious thatyour child's teeth allow themto eat and smile, but did youknow that baby teeth are alsoessential for language andpermanent tooth develop-ment? Teeth help our lips andtongue make sounds properlyand this learning occurs whileyour child still has baby teeth.Amazingly, baby teeth alsohelp guide permanent teethinto position, keeping themfrom growing in crooked.

This is why Center StreetDental is excited to be cele-brating National Children'sDental Health Month in Feb-ruary. We will be visitingschools and talking to thekids about the importance ofbrushing, flossing, eatinghealthy, and visiting the den-tist. Unfortunately, dentaldecay is the most commonchronic childhood disease,with more than 16 millionkids suffering from toothdecay in the U.S. (AmericanDental Association).

So keep in mind, it's veryimportant for your child to beintroduced to the dentist earlyto protect their tiny but im-portant teeth!To find out about our “Shar-ing Smiles” poster contestwith scholarship prizes, seepage 50!

When two zebras stand side by side they usually face each other in opposite directions to keep an eye out for predators.

When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve.

Did

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2007 Ford Focus ZX3 SE

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2008 Jeep Compass Sport

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2009 Chevrolet Cobalt LT1

Coupe, Auto, FWD, 2 door, CD Player, AC

2006 Saab 9-7X 5.3i

Auto, AWD, Alloy Wheels, Leather,Heated Seats, Roof

2008 Pontiac G5

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UAD February 2014

Documents

uncle andys digestis

comuncle andys

unusual digest

modern woodmen district

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