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table of contents
11
8CitizenSoundcheckThe ONLY guide of i ts kindfor the NB/SM Metroplex!
4Due Process
CHS murder case goes intothe history books, as
sentencing is complete.
7Around & AboutTeenagers stalk local ghosts.
12
3 1st WordWrite your own tax bil l, kinda.
6 Fake News Not even a li t t le bit true. Stop asking.
Last WordNiagara Falls.
Slowly Colby turned... 15
Ask a MexicanGustavo of fends intwo languages.
The County sMost Wanted
Look Mommy!Daddys in the paper!
Freeman on SportsSports fans are just l ike regular
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Choose Your Own TaxationLast week, a local homeowner
contacted us regarding his
property taxes. Specifically,
he wondered why his taxable
property value had been on the
rise for years while that of his neighbor,
a highly-placed Comal County elected
official, had remained flat for the last three.
We thought this was coincidence, and to
prove it, we looked up the property values
of the neighbors to the immediate left and
right of said officials home. Turns out their
property assessments had been going up for
a good long while as well.
Hmm. That seemed weird. Still, a good
chance that it was just a throw of the dice. So
we made up a list of the high-powered and
influential around town, and checked out their
tax assessments vs those of their immediate
neighbors, and things got downright weird.
In every case, we found the exact same
scenario as the first. So we got in touch with
Curtis Koehler, the Countys tax assessor, and
sent him an excerpt from our data set. The
examples we sent him included the property
of the aforementioned highly placed County
official, a commercial real estate broker with
a political history, a proverbial hammer-
wielding real estate guy with a super-hot
daughter, and somebody whose identity
would be completely disclosed if we even
hinted at their profession. So we wont.
Heres what that list looked like, mostly,
as some data had to be trimmed for space.
Property addresses were provided to
Koehler, but have been replaced here for
privacy purposes. It should be noted that
there was a County-wide adjustment made
in 2011, which resulted in decreases pretty
much across the board:
Example 1:Property 1 - Increased every year since 2011Property 2 - Flat for three years
Property 3 - Increased every year since 2011
Example 2 (Commercial Property):Property 1 Increase every year since 2012Property 2 - Flat for two years, flat for previous five, preceded by decreaseProperty 3 - Increase every year since 2011
Example 3:Property 1 - Increased every year back to 2011Property 2 - Flat for three yearsProperty 3 - Increased every year back to 2011
Example 4:Property 1 - Increased every year back to 2011Property 2 - Flat for four years, preceded by decreases in 2011 & 2012Property 3 - Annual increases since 2010
And heres what we found out:
Example 1:Property 1 No Protest FiledProperty 2 Account Protested Every Year Since 2008Property 3 - No Protest Filed
Example 2 (Commercial Property):Property 1 No Protest FiledProperty 2 - Valued on Income, protested 2008, 2006Property 3 - Protested 2006 No Reduction Granted
Continued on page 5.
WORD1STMIKE
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Due ProcessWITH NICK ROGERS
Sentence Delivered in CHS Murder CaseA Comal County teenager who was convicted of assault in the death of Logan Davidson was sentenced to pay restitution to the Davidson family and seek counseling.
Judge Charles A. Stephens ordered the defendant to pay Davidsons family $20,000. He also ordered that the teen seek counseling, be put on probation until he turns 18 and perform several hours of community service.
Also as part of his ruling, Stephens ordered the teen to stay off of social media sites for his own protection, ostensibly to avoid negative comments while he is in counseling.
Initially set for July 2, Stephens moved the sentencing hearing up to June 21.
The accused was tried for murder and manslaughter in the November 12, 2013 punching death of classmate Logan Davidson, 15. The teen, also 15 at the time, gave Logan two brutal blows to the face as Logan exited the classroom. On the second punch, Logans head hit the wall and he collapsed, unresponsive. He died the following day from a resulting brain injury.
During the trial, the defendant and other classmates testified that Logan was physically harassing the accused, including punching him in the crotch and hitting him in the face with an eraser. The accused demanded several times that Logan stop, orders which Davidson ignored.
During the trial, before Stephens gave the jury sentencing instructions, defense attorney Joseph Garcia III made a request that the judge also add the charge of misdemeanor assault, to which Stephens agreed. Prosecutor Tiffany Leal objected and appealed the judges decision to the Third Court of Appeals, who ruled in favor of Stephens.
The jury eventually convicted the teen of misdemeanor assault after a day of deliberations. After the verdict, Garcia said jurors had told him that had the State charged his client with aggravated assault, a felony, they likely would convicted him of that charge.
Garcia said that, for the most part, he agrees with Stephens ruling.
Im sure the judge put some thought into why he did what he did, and his plans
for my client, he said. I think my client can complete this without any problem because hes never been a problem before.
However, the attorney said that he didnt think that probation was necessary because his client is neither a threat to the community nor himself. As well, the teen has had no prior problems with law enforcement.
I have some disagreement with the whole probation plan, but it sure beats the alternative Garcia said. Aside from what happened, my client is not the kind of person who is in need of rehabilitation.
As ordered, the teen will have to pay the restitution and meet with a probation officer weekly.
The most important facet of the sentencing, the attorney said, was the order that his client receive psychological counseling.
I think, absolutely, the one thing that the family, my client and I think will be good is to have my client see a counselor to talk about what happened, and get a lot of this out and deal with it, the attorney said. Hell never forget what happened and it will never not be a part of his life. I think this is the most critical part of this probation plan.
Stephens also ordered that the accused stay off of social media sites. This, the judge noted, is for the teens own protection so that he doesnt see some of the more negative comments about him.
How do you stop people from making comments about you? You dont, Garcia said.
I understand why the judge doesnt want him to have access to social media, he added. Its because of all the cheap shots by anonymous people who could care less about him. But, at some point, we have to understand that in this society and as many forms of social media there are out there, its almost impossible to avoid such comments.
During the sentencing hearing, the teen had to face Davidsons family, who told him that they dont hate the accused, but they do hate what he had done. They pointed out to the teen what they had taken away from them when Logan died.
A call to prosecuting attorney Leal seeking comment was not returned by press time.
Nick Rogers covers courts & crime for the TX Citizen. 234 8 G ru e ne L a k e D r. Su i t e B in the Vi l lage 8 3 0 . 64 3 . 13 09
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Continued from page 3. Example 3:Property 1 - No Protest FiledProperty 2 - Protested 2006-2012Property 3 - No Protest Filed
Example 4:Property 1 - No Protest FiledProperty 2 - Protested 2012, 2010, 2009, 2007, 2006Property 3 - No Protest Filed
So heres the deal. These people with the flat values are the ones who showed up to argue that the County ###### up, and the County agreed. Can everyone get that kind of service? Impossible to tell from this data, since the vast majority of the people who suffered the increase never bothered to protest their assessments. However, the County did tell us that (very) roughly 10 to 14 percent of values are challenged every year, and since 2011, 37 to 47 percent of those challenges are approved, which overall aint many I tell you what. Something like four or five or six percent of the raw number of properties.
In cases where a reduction was not granted, the County says this: The properties that did not see a change in value were a result of a taxpayer not appearing at their scheduled hearing, withdrawing their protest or agreeing with the Districts value after their meeting.
According to that statement, as long as you show up and stand your ground, you get your way. So do that. And let us know how that turns out for you. While its nice that the value can be challenged, it would be better if the County got the numbers closer to right to begin with. An arbitrary system like this exploits public passivity, and makes up the tax reductions to Party A by increasing the burden on Party B. If you dont complain, they will nail you for more nearly every year, in part to make up for the people who do. Like forest fires, only you can put a stop to this.
We give a hearty Thumbs-Up to both the Countys Appraisal District and Assessors Office for getting us the info we asked for in a matter of minutes. It would have taken City Hall 10 business days just to tell us it was going to be another 30 before we got anything.
Canyon High Murder CaseSalvador Meza got sentenced this week, and Nick Rogers has the details in his Due Process column on page 4. The Houston-owned Herald-Zeitung had this inaccurate statement for the credulous consumption: Because of juvenile confidentiality rules, the Herald-Zeitung is not publishing the juvenile suspects name.
First of all, there are no juvenile confidentiality rules that apply to the media those rules apply only to the government. This confusion is most likely a result of the HZ seeing itself as an arm of said government.
And second, Meza is not a suspect. Hes a convict. Which, as you may know, is substantially different.
Third HZ Publisher/Editor-in-Chief in as Many Years Says good by to NB
Neice Bell, who took over the HZ after Doug Toney and Jim Rainey, had this to say as she left New Braunfels to head to her new job newspapering the bustling metropolis of Lufkin, TX (emphasis ours):
The movers left yesterday with all our belongings. We stayed the night in a hotel. Today is my last day at the Herald-Zeitung. Im going to miss New Braunfels so much. Off to a new adventure in Lufkin. Good by my friends!
Heh.
\m/
Mike ReynoldsPublisher/Editor-in-Chief
Chase Cochran contributed to this column, and should be named as a co-defendant in any litigation filed as a result of its publication.
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Hammer Mishap Leads to ChargesA New Braunfels Man who hit himself in the hand with a hammer while building a fence was charged by Comal County prosecutors with attempted murder of himself.
Frank Gonzales was building a fence in his backyard when, momentarily distracted, he missed the nail he was hammering and instead hit his hand.
Yeah, it hurt, he said. I went to the emergency room, but they said nothing was broken.
A few hours later, Gonzales was surprised when several police cars pulled up outside his house. The police said an assault was reported. Gonzales told officers there was not an assault, but he did hit himself in the hand with a hammer.
They just apologized and left, Gonzales said.
Two weeks later, Gonzales was surprised again to find that he had been charged with attempted murder of himself by the Comal County District Attorneys Office.
We have people being attacked with hammers, State Prosecutor Steve Morsette said. Someone needs to pay.
A cantankerous district judge ordered Gonzales to be held on $1 million bail.
I cant believe this, the suspect said. I just accidentally hit myself with a hammer. Thank God they didnt know about the time I banged my head on the car door.
Gonzales has since been levied with a second charge of attempted murder for hitting his head on his car door.
The defendants attorney, Susan Slipstream, audibly sighed when asked about the case.
I really dont know what to say, she said. This is the kind of thing that just makes you want to scream and break something.
After her comment, Slipstream was charged with making a terroristic threat.
Weather TerrorISIL has claimed responsibility for the recent heavy rains in Comal and neighboring
counties. The terror group has said it will continue to create bad weather until someone gives them girlfriends.
The group has also said that the weather attack was in response to what they claim was the image of Prophet Muhammad found on a tortilla, which was discovered at a local taqueria.
We declare a jihad on heretical Devil tortillas, a representative for ISIL said. You people just get ready for a lot of rain.
Tortilla image experts say the spot looks nothing like the Muhammad, but it does look like Jesus.
Its always Jesus, said renowned tortilla-ologist Simon Proudhome. Tortillas are inherently, by there very nature, Christian. If an image on a tortilla isnt Jesus, its usually a pope or Elvis. To claim that its an image of Muhammad is ridiculous.
Not-crazy people say it looks like a spot on a tortilla.
Whatever, an ISIL representative responded. Give us girlfriends.
City Prepares AppealIrritated by the loss of revenue caused by recent heavy rains, the New Braunfels City Council brought a lawsuit against The Sky.
New Braunfels is a home-ruled city, the lawsuit motion said. Therefore, we cant be rained upon. The weather has to do what we tell it.
However, the District Court threw out the lawsuit due to its absurdity. In its ruling, the Court simply wrote ?.
The City has appealed the ruling, arguing that the District Court showed an unfavorable and overwhelming bias for The Sky.
In a related matter, City officials have refused to comment on the dam made of cans that was used to save New Braunfels from potentially devastating floodwaters. Some local residents and tourists came together recently to build the dam as waters began to rise far above the rivers banks.
Shut up, one City official said when asked about the can dam.
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Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5
Floores Country StoreBand of Heathens
w/ Jonny Burke
7pm, 18+, $12-$15
Luckenbach Dance HallHayden Whittington
1pm
Jimmy Lee Jones
4pm
Almost Patsy Cline Band
8pm
Sams Burger JointMingo Fishtrap
8pm, $13-$60
Stubbs BBQWorld Party
w/ Gabriel Kelly
9pm, Inside, $22
Triple CrownPeppers Blues
6pm
Chasca, Ghosts of Dixie, Kazi
10pm
Sat 6.27
Cheatham Street WarehouseBIGfest 2015
1pm
The Continental ClubRed Volkaert, 3:30pm
Patricia Vonne, Rosie Flores
10pm, $10
Hillary York, 8:30pm
Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5
Floores Country StoreMario Flores & the Soda Creek Band
7pm, 18+ $8
Luckenbach Dance HallRosie Flores
1pm
Brennen Leigh & Noel McKay
8pm
Sams Burger JointAlejandro Escovedo
8pm, $20-$70
Stubbs BBQShapescenes
w/ The Boxing Lesson, Kazi
9pm, Inside, $8
Triple CrownJeffers, Typical Girls, Taiga,
Frozen Orange
9pm
SOUND TOWNOUTOFFreiheit Country Store
KaraokeFriday Nights, 8pm
Happy Cow
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Old Ice House
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DJWednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays
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DJFridays, Saturdays
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Freemanon SportsFreemanon Sports WITH BRANT FREEMANWITH BRANT FREEMAN
Off-Season Sports ArticleWe are experiencing one of the great eras of television, an era dominated by one-hour dramas featuring compelling stories and riveting characters portrayed by stellar actors. With each episode theres instant reaction on social media and Monday Morning Quarterbacking the moment the credits roll. Type the words Game of Thrones into Google at 9:00 on a Sunday night and youll find a stream of postgame analysis as large as an army of White Walkers. As an avid watcher and follower of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad (SPOILER ALERT: RIP Walter), True Detective and Better Call Saul just to name a few, I find myself and others consuming television in the same manner we do sports.
Instead of coaches and front offices, we second guess the writers, directors, producers and show runners. In sports, players and traded and cut all the time. In television, those same personnel moves are made in the form of killing off characters and in the case of Thrones, these front office moves are made CONSTANTLY. There are teams. In sports, obviously, and in television as well. Who were you pulling for in Season One of True Detective? #TeamCohle or #TeamHart? Are you a Lannister or a Targaryen?
You know that feeling you have after the football season has ended and you cant wait until the draft, fall camp and then the start of the following season? Its the same feeling we get when Rick Grimes and his fellow survivors brush off another season of zombies in The Walking Dead: When does the next season start?
Both can be great escapes from one another. Another Stark died tonight? WELP, lets see what the Astros are doing so I can get my mind off of this. After the Spurs lost the 2013 Finals in heartbreaking fashion, I got over it by binge-watching Breaking Bad. Yeah, Ray Allen hit that shot but OMG did you see how Walter took care of Gus Fring?! Nothing like watching a fried chicken magnate get blown up to get your mind off of losing a championship.
Like a big game in sports, these one-hour dramas have become appointment television. Youre away from home and DVRing a game or your favorite show so you make it a goal to stay off of Facebook or Twitter in order to enjoy watching everything unfold in the comfort of your living room (imagine reading that sentence in 1995). We treat playoff games the same way we do season finales.
The quality has improved drastically for both sports and television. Go back in time and pit some of todays NFL or NBA teams against those from 20-30 years ago and do the same with television. Sure those eras had their greats: Magics Lakers, Birds Celtics, Michaels Bulls, the 49ers in the 80s, the Cowboys in the 90s in sports, while in TV there was Cheers, Seinfeld, The Simpsons (it seems that comedies made for better TV back then, but that could be just me). Well today, the list of championship caliber teams and must-watch television is deeper than ever before: theres just so much to choose from.
One aspect where the comparisons stop is while I can play a game of pickup basketball anytime I want, I cant exactly play Game of Thrones at the nearest park (unless youre up for it, in that case Ill be team Lannister, YOU can be the Starks). Theres Little League Baseball, youth soccer and Pop Warner football but no Little League Zombie Killers or Pop Warner Criminal Lawyer. I guess well just have to draw the line there. I guess.
This is all to say its a great age for entertainment, both in reality and fantasy. Enjoy the games and The Games, the athletes and the acting, the coaching and the producing and stay tuned for more. The bars have been set and I, for one, cant wait to see whats next.
Brant Freeman is a seasoned local sportscaster, serving as the radio voice of Texas State University, hosting television coverage of Texas State Athletics and delivering the goods as a reporter for major pro and collegiate sporting events in the greater San Antonio area for over a decade.
MOST WANTED
$300REWARD
COMAL COUNTY S
MEDELLIN, JESSE RODRIGUEZMale 507 200 lbsDOB: 01/01/1976CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance pg 1 under 1 gram and theft of property under $1500 with 2 or more previous convictions
FLORES,MARK ANTHONYMale 508 160 lbsDOB: 11/25/1988CHARGE: Burglary of habitation CT I and unauthorized use of vehicle CT II
GANN,AMBER PFemale 506 185 lbsDOB: 04/16/1985CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for bail jumping and failure to appear
GARCIA,TASHA LEAFemale 505 140 lbsDOB: 11/15/1980CHARGE: Failure to appear for theft property under $1500 2/more previous convictions
CRAWFORD,JOHN DAVIDMale 511 140 lbsDOB: 09/12/1995CHARGE: Burglary of building
GUGGENMOS,RICHARD ALAN
Male 509 170 lbsDOB: 01/20/1981
CHARGE: Failing to appear for theft
property over $1500 under $20k
HALL,MICHELLE
Female 508 130 lbsDOB: 11/23/1983
CHARGE: Failure to appear for aggravated
assault w/ deadly weapon CT I and failure to appear for intoxicated assault w/ vehicle CT II
SCHEFFLER,GLYNN GARY
Male 600 180 lbsDOB: 08/27/1957
CHARGE: Violation of conditions of bond-
driving while intoxicated 3rd or more
WILKINSON,ZACHARY MICHAEL
Male 506 150 lbsDOB: 12/28/1983
CHARGE: Count I possession w/ intent
to deliver and count II unlawfully possess
firearm
HUTCHINGS,CARLA JANE
Female 508 195 lbsDOB: 08/10/1969
CHARGE: Possession of a controlled
substance pg1 over 4g under 200g
The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, June 22, 2015 at 9:21 a.m. and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County Sheriff s Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous. 830.620.3400 - 24-Hour830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm
DAVIS,JOHN KIESEY, JRMale 508 190 lbsDOB: 04/23/1962CHARGE: Driving while intoxicated 3rd
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12 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 13
By Gustavo Arellano
Dear Mexican: Where is my
America? Im half-Hispanic and half-
Italian. I was born in Coney Island
to a drug-addicted father and was
raised by my mom, who had to work.
We were very poor. Ive always had
to struggle for basic possessions.
Spanish was not spoken in my house.
So my Spanish is muy malo.
Ive worked since I was 15 barking
on the games in Coney Island. I went
to culinary school and became a
chef. Ive worked in the industry for
10 years. It is inundated with illegal
Mexican workers. Most of these guys
are OK. However, they are willing to
work longer hours and for less pay.
Gone is the eight-hour work day.
Nobody gets health coverage. Its
rare to get a paid vacation. Its rare
not to work six days a week. I feel the
influx of illegal workers has lowered
labor standards for all workers in
the industry. I believe it also creates
a population of second-class people
ripe for abuses. Plus, these guys got
skill. They are fast and focused. Also,
they never complain and I think
that is a problem in itself. I feel like
my job can be easily replace with an
illegal worker that I cant compete
with. Is this what is meant by We
shall overwhelm?
I dont mind helping out people
who need work. But where can I go?
Most restaurants are small businesses
where hiring illegal workers is part of
the business plan. Where can I go to
have my American Dream? Ive also
been called gringo, Whitey, and Peln
by illegals who it seems have never
heard of civil rights.
Coney Island Angry
Dear Gabacho: I was mostly with you
in your letteryes, American worker rights
have suffered during the Great Recession;
no, it aint the fault of Mexicans. Robber
barons are the culprit choking labor now,
just like when the Molly Maguires were
raising hell in Pennsylvania coal mines
until you started whining that the Mexican
cocineros you worked alongside with in
kitchens called you names.
So youre upset that they called you
two types of gabacho and a baldy, to boot?
That just means they thought you were
enough of a friend that they felt they could
bust your balls. But obviously, they didnt
trust you too muchotherwise, theyd give
you worse names. And Im not talking about
the parade of pendejo, puto, and gey that
any male in an all-Mexican environment
must endure. You havent earned a Mexican
squads trust until you have an insulting
nickname, the more inappropriate, the
better. In my time, Ive known of Mexicans
in workplaces whose nicknames were El
Taliban (for the mans beard), El Perico (The
Parrot, for the guys taste in cocaine), El
Maricn (The Faggot, because the hombre
was gayhe laughed it off, especially
when learning more than a few of his
macho coworkers were on the down-low),
El Panzn (The Fatass), andmy all-time
favoriteLa Panocha (The Pussy), because
homeboy was a player. But Im a nice guy,
so Ill give you a new nickname: El Chavala.
You can look it up!
Ask the Mexican at [email protected],
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
ASK A MEXICAN!
!
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Escape to New York: Part IIGlimmerglass State Park was a welcome respite from the road; friendly people, clean, close bathrooms; and no internet or cell reception. Theres something to be said for unplugging completely. In this case, I just mean from the communication overload; we did have electricity (though we needed to carry water). Soon enough, though, we had to be on our way again and Glimmerglass was left behind. Next stop, Niagara Falls.
The road to Niagara is an interesting one. I had said before that much of the small town decay that I have seen in VT is equally prominent in upstate NY, and that continues to be the case. Buildings that once housed businesses lay vacant and have for so long that the original good or service offered is no longer evident. Most of these are whole, the damage not overwhelming. Windows arent broken, and structural integrity isnt lost, but peeling paint is common, and the dirt and dust is so thick that a hose would be more appropriate than a soap bucket for cleanup.
The same cannot be said for residences in many of these towns. On the outskirts of nearly every town are farms going to seed. Every homeowner knows that homes decompose just like people do. An abandoned year or two, and you can expect a few holes and a blotchy exterior, perhaps a little rot and animal damage. A few years later, the area will look like a botanical experiment gone horribly wrong. Creepers climb in and out of the previously mentioned holes, and their tendrils slowly but surely pull apart clapboards which fall haphazardly, leaving odd diagonal striations. In many cases, I passed simple skeletal hulks lying in the middle of unkempt fields, rooves in tatters and beams broken and sticking out like a gaping chest wound left by some unknown monster. Siloes seem to last the longest, but even they are generally leaning visibly and peppered with softball sized holes.
Inside the towns, beautiful, well-maintained homes stand side by side with
others that have been vacant for some time. Rarely do these homes fall into dust like their farm-house brethren, but the paint still peels, the lawn gets long, and clapboard siding gets holey. Walkways buckle as roots and grass force their way into the damage created by frost heaves over the winter, and low spots in the lawn get marshy. The whole area is becoming a fixer-uppers paradise.
Most of the occasionally blighted, but otherwise idyllic landscape was gone by the time we hit Buffalo. Im not sure theres a way into Niagara Falls without going through Buffalo, but there should be. Even the short trek through Buffalo reminds me of why I left the city in the first place. The drivers are rude, bordering on stupid when they are dealing with a vehicle three times their size, and highway signage is incomprehensible. That said, even though Buffalo is nearly as economically dysfunctional as Detroit, they do have a lot of shopping, oh look, a Michaels!
Finding the park in Niagara Falls was easy enough, but it was expensive, and it appeared to be an old disused parking lot they had shoveled a few yards of dirt onto and let the grass grow wild. It had all the amenities and none of the nature one expects from camping. Nickel the Dog was confused too, wandering about, desperately sniffing each patch of green, looking for someplace to do his business. Nickel finally cocked his leg up on the power pole. I suppose he figured it was an acceptable stand in for a tree.
The next morning, bright and early, the touristing began. We took a tour of Niagara Falls with a small new company that was far cheaper than other options, and our tour guide explained the history of the falls as we drove there: Niagara Falls is the largest manmade waterfall in the world, falling some 167 ft. and moving 85,000 cu.ft./s of water. It is assumed that local pre-Columbian Indians hewed the falls with stone tools, but no one knows for sure, and the purpose of the falls is still in question. In any case, Niagara Falls was taken
from the Canadians by America as reparations for the War of 1812 in a deal that kept us from burning their capital to the ground. An agreement reached by President Clinton in 1992 allows the Canadians to perform limited tourism functions as long as any boat in the waters of Niagara Falls is open to conscription by American armed forces in time of a war.
We first went to the Cave of the Winds which isnt actually a cave anymore. Its just an elevator that takes you to the bottom of the American Falls. Apparently there are three different falls in Niagara Falls. The American Falls is the one where people are allowed to get to the bottom and climb up a series of increasingly unstable looking platforms paralleling the side of the falls. None of this seems even remotely safe, but it is spectacular in an anxiety inducing sort of way.
There is another walkway that leads to the top of the falls where tourists are encouraged to peer over and speculate on what their loved ones lives would be like without them, but it is very steep My guide pointed out that under normal circumstances I would be able to hire a group of middleschoolers that are bussed in daily from failed schools in Buffalo to carry overweight tourists up the steep terrain on palanquin for 15 bucks or so, but they are currently forming a union or some such and are unavailable. I decided to have a six-dollar ice cream.
The actual Niagara Falls is Horseshoe Falls. There are several ways to see this set of falls, and each one has its own advantages. Above the falls is much more picturesque. Mist is visible, and makes the occasional rainbow across the water, but its not so thick that it makes it difficult to see, and if you can muscle past the honeymooners (or photobomb them until they leave) you can get some impressive pics. Nothing quite beats the Maid of the Mist boat tour for the sheer majesty of Niagara Falls, though.
First, dont be taken in by all of the commercialism at Niagara Falls. A good
example of this is the claim by the people that run the Maid of the Mist tour that they have never lost a passenger. I seriously doubt that. The tour hands out slickers made of cheap, transparent blue plastic to keep you dry, and people are herded like cattle through the line. More than a few manage to get the slickers on backwards, the hoods covering their faces, they occasionally succumb to asphyxiation and fall, where they are trampled by other passengers trying to get on the boat and then unceremoniously kicked over the side and into the water by attendants keeping the line moving.
Likewise, the deck of the boat was packed with throngs of tourists, and memories of third world ferry accidents loomed large in my mind. For the river itself, though, one gets a perspective that is otherwise impossible, and it was amazing. The American Falls can be seen as the boat moves toward the Horseshoe Falls, the people climbing up and down the waterlogged ramps and stairs, giddy with excitement.
Most of the passengers storm for the front of the boat as the main falls are approached, and the boat rocks perceptibly with the redistributed weight. With the noise and the commotion, it would be impossible to tell if anyone went overboard, and their bodies would likely never be found. Im told sharks do well in the churning waters, and this time of year American crocodiles will have migrated from the south to snack on a daredevil or two.
As the Captain of the boat turns at the base of the falls, the roar of the water is deafening and the mist thickens to opacity. It becomes hard to breathe through your nose, and breathing through your mouth as if fills with water requires some getting used to. Strangely, its this part of the tour that you cant really see thats the most impressive. Little more could be done to illustrate the immense power of nature and our own extreme insignificance.
Next stop, Ohio.
Last WordWith Kelly Colby
You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.blogspot.com.
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