Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work

8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work

1/6Page 1 Copyright 2009, TheLadders. All rights reserved. Page 1

What happens when two incomes

become no incomes? Coordination

and exibility are the keys, according

to couples who are working their way

through dual layoffs.

By Debra Donston-Miller

Two Layoffs, One Family:When a Household

Is Out of Work

AS A KEYSTONE of our coverage, the editorial teamhere at TheLadders reviews every piece of e-mail thatcomes into the companys customer-support department.

While our colleagues in customer support are tirelessly

identifying xes for job seekers specic needs, were look-

ing for the big stories: broader issues that lots of our read-

ers are facing and the creative ways that theyve found toaddress them.

This week, Debra Donston-Miller takes on a scenario we

read about time and again: two-income families that sud-

denly become no-income families when both partners nd

themselves unemployed. Its a scary prospect, and (like any

other challenge in a successful marriage) it requires a lot of

coordination and communication to navigate.

Indeed, reading about the Gosse and Hudgins families

reminded me of the importance of that for better or for

worse clause in many marriage vows. A layoff is scary;two simultaneous layoffs are even more alarming; but han-

dling the situation together can strengthen a marriage and

shorten the period of uncertainty.

Holding Hands Through Layoff SeasonBy Matthew Rothenberg, Editor-in-Chief, TheLadders.com

What did you think of this package? Got a story of your own to tell? Have ideas for future coverage? Please write Editor-in-Chief Matthew Rothenbergat [email protected].

Every Job Search Is a Family AffairPage 2

Should You Tell the Kids You LostYour Job? Page 5

Two-Income Layoffs Page 6

IN THIS PACKAGE:

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JOB SEARCH

PHOTO:Zaid Hamid

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Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorkJOB SEARCH

FOURTEEN MILLION AMERICANSare now out of work, nearly onein every 10 American workers. Among

those is Charlie Gosse of McLean, Va.

In late 2007, Gosse was laid off from

his job as chief nancial ofcer at anearby private school and has been in

search of a job ever since.

Also among those 14 million is Laura

Gosse, who was laid off in January from

her job as vice president of an online

marketing company.

Laura and Charlie were once dual

wage-earners in a two-income family

that also includes two young daughters.

Now Laura and Charlie Gosse are tight-

ening their belts to make ends meet on

dwindling severances, savings and un-

employment benets while conducting

dual job searches for a no-income family.

Theyre not alone.

More than 151,000 two-income fami-

lies became no-income families in 2008,

the latest year for which statistics were

available, raising the total to 663,000,

according to the Bureau of Labor Sta-

tistics. That number was up 29 percent

from 512,000 in 2007.

For the Gosses and others facing two

layoffs and two job searches, the experi-

ence requires more than just a plan to

save money. A dual job search, said ex-

perts and families who have experienced

it, requires a different job-search strat-

egy. Any plan must support and coor-

dinate resume writing, interview sched-

uling and traveling. It must also take

into account potential decisions about

whether to relocate or accept an offer

that could change life for every member

of the family.

Adding structure and support

For the Gosses, it was mainly a matter

of nding ways to support each other

search and accommodate two schedules.

When Charlie Gosse was laid off in

late 2007, the family immediately went

into cost-cutting mode. Lauras salary

covered expenses, but she and Charlie

didnt know how long he would be out

of work and so they went into complete savings mode.

The couple cut back on lots of differ

ent things. They eliminated dinners out

and vacations, and they let their live

in au pair go since Charlie was home

and could care for the children while

Laura worked.

When Laura was laid off in January

they took belt-tightening to a new level.

We both received severance of differ

ent, varying lengths, and (by that point)

wed been frugal for a year, she said

So, it was just like, OK, lets tighten the

belt a little more.

The bigger challenge was managing

what was now two ongoing job searches

WHEN LAURA AND CHARLEY GOSSE FOUND THEMSELVESboth out of work, their biggest concern was for their two youngdaughters.

The Gosses developed strategies for dealing with the mechanics of atwo-person job hunt but wanted to make sure that they were carefulto explain to their daughters what was happening without causing them

anxiety.One of the hardest things was to tell them what happened and to

explain to them the reasons why were not doing anything, Laura Gossesaid. For example, theres a special place we go every summer ... and itsnot something we feel comfortable doing right now. Were trying to putit into words that they understand but dont get scared about.

The issues multiplied for the Gosses, of McLean, Va., who are bothstruggling with unemployment. Nevertheless, even a single layoff and

Every Job Search Is a Family AffairWhen youre looking for employment, keep the kids in mind.

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We both started looking for full-time

work, Laura said. Charlie was stay-

ing home because of my situation, and

when that changed, we both

had to concentrate on look-

ing for jobs.

Laura said the parallel jobhunt got off to a bit of a

rocky start: We were both

doing our job hunting. (Our

younger daughter would

come home from pre-

school), and we didnt really

have any structure. We felt

bad that we were both try-

ing to gure out our way and she was

just kind of playing by herself.

Realizing that more structure was keyto managing two job searches and a fam-

ily, Laura and her husband worked out a

schedule where each worked at the job

hunt every other day while the other

held down the home front.

Thats the model of what we would

want people to do, said Donna Spell-

man, the director of Self Sufciency

Services at Family Centers of Green-

wich, Conn., a human-services agency

that, among many other things, provides

career and family counsel-

ing.

If one person is staying

behind with the kids, focus-ing on keeping things mov-

ing along smoothly, that

person is creating space for

the other person to do their

thing, Spellman said. And

perhaps tomorrow or the

next day, they switch. But

it means that everybodys

truly doing their part. Theyre not scram-

bling, and theyre not saying, I thought

you were going to stay home! Its not

about that.

Flexibility and part-time work

While Laura and Charlie found that

structure was key, they also learned that

they had to remain exible.

Their exibility was put to the test re-

cently when Laura obtained a part-time

job that took her away from home three

days a week. Now, the days that I am

home, I give [Charlie] those days to do

what he needs to do so we can keep

moving forward, she said.

Laura added that she and Charlie

switch off when necessary for example, when an interview or meeting

comes up.

Family Centers Spellman said it is criti

cal that both job-hunting partners dem

onstrate this kind of exibility.

It will happen that somebodys going

to get a call thats going to be very spur

of the moment Ive got an interview

and Ive gotta go, Spellman said. The

partners have to be exible as muchas possible.

Laura and Charlie have been work

ing together so that each of their job

hunting strategies, resources and skills

can be leveraged by the other. For ex

ample, Laura showed Charlie how to use

the LinkedIn network, and the couple

job search involves the entire family,said Donna Spellman, the director ofSelf Sufciency Services at FamilyCenters of Greenwich, Conn. She ad-vises clients to engage children at anappropriate developmental level.

I think that parents have to be verycareful not to make it a burden for thechildren having the child under-stand and be engaged at whatever agelevel is appropriate.

That said, families can work to-gether to share not only in the effortneeded to get through lean times butalso in future successes.

No two families are the same,Spellman said, but what we haveseen a lot of our families do is takethis very temporary (situation) and in-volve the kids. Let them see it as an

adventure that everyone in the fam-ily is going to get through. (Say tothem,) Right now were going to dosome special things together as a fam-ily; were going to save some money were all going to help. To put apositive spin on it keeps it so thatwhen the success does come, its ev-erybodys success.

Spread the workload

Katy Piotrowski, a career coun-

selor at the Career Solutions Groupand author of The Career CowardsGuides, said family members shouldbe enlisted to aid in the job search.

If your job search is truly a pri-ority, reect that in your behavior,Piotrowski said. Delegate chores toother family members so that youhave the time to invest in your next

career step. Remember, your advance-

ment will benet them also.

Laura said she and her husbandhave also approached their situation

as an opportunity to teach their chil-

dren money sense. For example, a

desired trip to McDonalds becamea lesson in the value of a dollar and

spending money where it makes the

most sense.

We just do a lot more things (now)that we probably wouldnt do other-wise, Laura said. There are blessings

in all of these things, she said. We

play games at home, we did a kitchen

garden, and were growing vegetables.I like to think weve always been in-stilling values in them, but even more

so now.

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Spellman

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Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorkJOB SEARCH

reviews each others resume and cover letter before sending

them out.

The Hudgins family

Another no-income family, Lavoyed and

Cheryl Hudgins, are also sharing the load.

Lavoyed was a special assistant to for-

mer Kentucky Gov. Ernie Fletcher, man-

aging 800-plus employees and a budget

of $130 million. Cheryl was an executive

assistant for Fletcher, and before that she

worked for another former governor and

an Army general.

After Gov. Fletcher lost his run for

re-election in November 2007, the

new governor dismissed Lavoyed and

Cheryl, along with other members ofFletchers staff.

Lavoyed said Cheryl and he werent ter-

ribly worried at the time they were let go,

as Cheryl found a good job with benets shortly thereafter.

However, that job happened to be in the automotive industry,

and Cheryl was laid off about two months ago.

Lavoyed, who said he and Cheryl have extended their job

search and will consider relocating, stressed the importance of

mutual support in a two-person job search.

Were extremely fortunate in that we have a wonderful, solid,

strong relationship, he said. As a matter of fact, when she

was laid off, I think it actually helped me because it helped

me stop focusing just on myself. I had to be strong for her at

that point.

That kind of mutual support has bolstered the dual job-

hunting Gosse couple, as well.

Theres a lot of stress when one parent is out of a job; when

two parents are out of a job, clearly that puts a lot of dif-

ferent stresses on the whole thing, Laura Gosse said. But

it has not been as stressful just in terms of working out the

mechanics with my husband. Were compatible, and we work

well with each other. Both of us have been accommodating

with each other.

Lavoyed said he and Cheryl, who have three grown children

between them, enjoy their time together but also recognize the

need for time apart.

Being together 24/7 has not been an issue for us, Lavoyed

said. But we do realize that there are times when we need a

few hours apart. No matter how much you love each other

you need a little break once in a while. So, we try to consciously

employ that tactic.

Double the stress

In todays economy, the job search can

be prolonged, a fact that is all too famil

iar to both the Gosse and Hudgins families

When not one but both members of a cou

ple are conducting such a search, motiva

tion and enthusiasm can be tough to come

by as anxiety sets in further.

Spellman and other experts interviewed

by TheLadders stress the importance of re

membering that the situation is temporary.

For most people, it was just bad tim

ing, bad luck, Spellman said. It hap

pens. Theres never a good time, but it

is temporary.

The mind has to change the concept of, Its going to take

me a while to nd a job, said Kevin Skinner, who has a Ph.D

in marriage and family therapy and is an author and radio

show host. Its not a matter of if, but a matter of when I get

that new job.

Family Centers Spellman said she understands that it canbe difcult to maintain a positive attitude under such difcult

circumstances, but that such positivity could be the difference

between landing a job and not landing it.

Attitude is three-quarters of it,

Spellman said. Its not just, Do

you have the hard skills?; its Do

you click on an attitude level or on a

personality level? And so a healthy

attitude and a positive, upbeat per-

sonality are going to really carry

an enormous amount of weight

and thats going to be both at home

and in the workplace.

Its only temporary

Yet when both members of a couple

are out of work, there may be no nancial fallback. Even cou

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Theres a lot ofstress when oneparent is out ofa job; when twoparents are out ofa job, clearly thatputs a lot of differ-ent stresses on thewhole thing.

Laura Gosse

Skinner

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SOME PEOPLE TELL ME THEY FIND IT VERYdifculteven to nd the words to tell their children that theyve losttheir job. Does a 10-year-old child even know what the wordred or reduction in force means? And how much do

teenagers even really understand? Can you just blame the Rword: recession?

Lets face it, adults barely know what the word recession

means, so for your children of any age, they just know that dad

or mom is now home all day, not working.

I grew up in Armonk, N.Y. IBMs world headquarters. Itwas the Microsoft town of the 1970s, and

it was a different era for job security.

In Armonk, almost everyones father

worked for IBM. My friends whose dads

(and in those days, it was only the dads)

worked at the global headquarters in

our town had already worked for IBM

around the world. The kids always told me

that IBM stood for Ive Been Moved.

If you ended up at the world headquar-

ters, you had a job for life. It was like the

Stepford Husbands: All the fathers wore

a white shirt, similar ties and blue suits.

Back then, it seemed that no one ever lost

his job.

I have to confess: Ive never been red myself, much less had

to explain it to my family. But todays economy has affected so

many of my friends. Frankly, today, its the global reality.

But that doesnt make it any easier, especially when youre

thinking about what to tell the kids.

Its especially difcult if this is the rst time you have lost

your job.

Explaining it to your kids can be an emotional dilemma.

When it comes down to it, whatever the reason, youve lost

your job. Downsized, right-sized, let go, position elimi-

nated Even if you got a great severance package, youre

still out of work. And none of this vocabulary helps explain

it to your kids. They hear you networking on the phone and

see you spending a lot of time on the computer, but none of

it makes sense.

Dad lost his job. What does that mean? Did he misplace it?

Laid-off moms and dads tell me that sharing the news with

their children is one of the hardest things theyve ever done

There are many ways to do it, if you choose to do it at all.

The just tell the family straight out approach

A common approach is the just tell the family straight out

philosophy. Mom and dad sit down and tell the children together. From the parents I have heard this

from, it sounds almost like theyre sitting

their children down to tell them they are

getting divorced. For some of my friends

announcing a divorce would have been

easier.

The just tell the truth family usually

includes a laid-off worker who got a grea

severance and can keep the benets pack

age for a while. (Note: You may think thebuyout package is great now, but wait un

til you see how long it takes you to nd

a new job.) These parents just explain it

The kids are ve, 10, 17. Everyone

gets the story.

Of course, there can be a downside. What do you think you

kids are thinking? Do they tell their friends? Your relatives?

(Ugh! The relatives! You almost forgot about them, right?)

What do you tell the relatives? Wow, getting red for anyone

just really sucks.

The dont worry the kids approach

Then I have other friends who really dont want their chil

dren to know. In some cases, its a pride thing. In others

because mom may have already lost more than one job, its a

I dont want the kids to worry thing. These laid-off parents

actually get up in the morning, get dressed for work and drive

around maybe stop at the mall or the gym until the kids

Should You Tell the Kids You Lost Your Job?The global reality of layoffs doesnt make it any easier to tell your children. Here are a few approaches to ease thestrain on your family.

By Stephen Viscusi

Laid-off momsand dads tell methat sharing thenews with theirchildren is one ofthe hardest things

theyve ever done.

See KIDS Page 6

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ples with healthy savings and severance cant help but wonder

and worry about making ends meet.

When those ends arent quite coming together, its impor-

tant to put aside feelings of guilt and blame, Spellman said.

Remember that you didnt ask for this situation and that its

only temporary.

You have to put your pride aside and be OK with it, she

said. The guilt, the blame those are just wasted emo-tions. Its too consuming, and its really not about that.

Spellman said the United Way, public libraries and region-

al Departments of Labor are great sources of information

about available services.

This is not forever, she said. When the tables turn, you

can be the one to help support somebody else.

Laura and Charlie Gosse are working together to make it

through this rough spot as they look ahead to their familys

future.

I remain hopeful, Laura said, and he does, too.

Your Job Search and Your Family: Strikinga Balance

Job-Search Tips: Balancing the Job Searchand Life

When Life Happens

Around the Web: Coping with Job Loss

Career Advice from TheLadders

4KIDS

leave for school. Then its back home to start looking for work.

This plan often goes awry when prospective employers call the

house and leave messages your kids end up hearing. And how

can you network if youre so busy lying to your kids? This not

telling the kids thing has got to be one stressful charade.

The tell them whats possible while youre stillemployed approach

So, how do you tell your kids youre unemployed? Or do you

keep it to yourself? Do you wait and see how long it takes to

nd a new job? I would love to hear from you even if youre

still working how have you or would you tell your kids the

bad news?

Here is my advice. Everyone should be on orange alert. Be

cautious, prepared and ready. Have your resume up-to-date, no

matter how secure you feel.

Usually the rst thing our friends and family tell us when

they are red is that they were surprised. Surprised? Half of

the U.S. is unemployed, but everyones always shocked when i

happens to them. Explain to your children now the state of the

economy. Tell them that mom and dad are lucky to be work

ing, but you never know. Teach them not to judge their friends

parents who may have lost their jobs. Reassure them that it wil

be okay, because eventually you will nd a new job.

Teach your children that the most important things in life are

health, family and being together. Mom or dad can always nd

another job, but having one another is what really matters.

Stephen Viscusi is the author of Bulletproof Your Job

(HarperCollins) and can be reached at [email protected]. He is also

the founder and CEO of BulletproofYourResume.com, a Web site tha

creates custom resumes.

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