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SCORING THE MCAT WRITING SAMPLE
EXAMPLES OF MCAT WRITING SAMPLE RESPONSES AND EXPLANATIONS OF
THEIR SCORES
Association of American Medical Colleges Section for the Medical
College Admission Test
Division of Student Affairs and Education Services
2450 N St. N.W.
Washington, DC 20037-1126 (202) 828-0552
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample
Table of Contents
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..1 Development of the MCAT
Writing Sample . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
Description of the MCAT Writing Sample . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
Content of Writing Sample Items . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . ...2 Structure of Writing Sample Items . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2
Evaluating Writing Sample Responses . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2
Readers3 Scoring the Essays 3 Score Point Descriptions4 Reported
Writing Sample Scores...4
Figure 1: Description of Writing Skills Associated with Writing
Sample Alphabetic Scores 6 Examples of Writing Sample Responses and
Explanations of Their Scores . . . . . . .. . Topic l
............................................. 7 Essay I (Score = 6)
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.. . 7 Score Explanation for Essay I (Score = 6) . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .. . 8 Essay II (Score = 4) . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 9 Score
Explanation for Essay II (Score = 4) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . .. . 10 Essay III (Score = 2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 11 Score Explanation for
Essay III (Score -- 2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
12 Topic 2 ............................................. 13 Essay
IV (Score = 5) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .. 13 Score Explanation for Essay IV (Score = 5) .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 14 Essay V (Score = 3) . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
. 15 Score Explanation for Essay V (Score -- 3) . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .. . 16 Essay VI (Score = 1) . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 17 Score
Explanation for Essay VI (Score = 1) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . .. 17 Topic 3
............................................. 18 Essay VII (Score =
6) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . .. 18 Score Explanation for Essay VII (Score -- 6) . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 19 Essay VIII (Score = 4) . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20 Score
Explanation for Essay VIII (Score = 4) . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . .21 Essay IX (Score = 2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..22 Score Explanation for
Essay IX (Score = 2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..22
Essay X (Score -- 1) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .. .23 Score Explanation for Essay X (Score =
1) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .23 Topic 4
.............................................24 Essay XI (Score =
5) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . ..25 Score Explanation for Essay XI (Score = 5) . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..25 Essay XII (Score = 3) . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..26 Score
Explanation for Essay XII (Score = 3) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . .2
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Introduction
This document is designed to familiarize you with scoring
procedures for the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) Writing
Sample. Included is background information on the purpose of the
Writing Sample, the types of skills assessed, and the scoring
procedures, as well as examples of essays with explanations of
their strengths and weaknesses. This guide is intended for use by
examinees preparing to take the MCAT and by medical school
admissions committees, health professions advisors, and others who
must interpret Writing Sample scores. Development of the MCAT
Writing Sample
As early as 1973, the Medical College Admission Assessment
Program task force recommended that a test of written communication
skills be required for medical school applicants. Throughout the
1970s, the public and lay press emphasized the need for physicians
to communicate with patients as active participants in the delivery
of health care. Early in the 1980s, medical school deans joined in
discussion of the need to stress writing and analytical skills in
the admission process. They reported that communication and writing
skills often were deficient among medical students. Deans and
faculty asked that an assessment of written communication skills be
added to the information available about medical school applicants.
Prior to adoption of the MCAT Writing Sample, several medical
schools independently instituted writing assessments in which
applicants provided writing samples at the time of application or
in conjunction with the interview. No universal instrument for
assessing the writing and analytical skills of medical school
applicants existed, however. Research and development on an MCAT
essay section was conducted from 1985 through 1990, and the Writing
Sample became an integral part of the revised MCAT in 1991. This
section, which requires candidates to develop and present ideas in
a cohesive manner, offers medical school admission committees
evidence of applicants' writing and analytical skills and provides
unique information unavailable from other sections of the MCAT.
Description of the MCAT Writing Sample The MCAT Writing Sample
consists of two 30-minute essays designed to assess skills in the
following areas: 1. Developing a central idea, 2. Synthesizing
concepts and ideas, 3. Presenting ideas cohesively and logically,
and 4. Writing clearly, following accepted practices of grammar,
syntax, and punctuation consistent with
timed, first-draft composition.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
Content of Writing Sample Items Each Writing Sample item
provides a specific topic and requires an expository response.
Writing Sample topics are selected from areas of general interest
such as business, politics, history, art, education, or ethics.
Topics do not pertain to the content of biology, chemistry, or
physics; to the medical school application process or reasons for
the choice of medicine as a career; to social and cultural issues
not in the general experience of college students; or to religious
or other emotionally charged issues. Specific prior knowledge about
the topic is not necessary to complete the Writing Sample.
Structure of Writing Sample Items Each MCAT Writing Sample item
consists of a statement that expresses an opinion, discusses a
philosophy, or describes a policy. The statement is followed by
three writing tasks. The first is to explain or interpret the
statement. Because the statement is not intended to be plainly
factual or self evident, it usually cannot be explained in a single
sentence. In addressing this task, examinees should explain the
meaning of the statement as thoroughly as possible.
The second task requires consideration of a circumstance in
which the statement might be contradicted or judged not applicable.
Examinees must present a specific example that illustrates a
viewpoint opposite to the one presented in the statement and should
further explore the statement's meaning.
The third task requires a discussion of ways in which the
conflict between the initial statement and its opposition
(expressed in the second writing task) might be resolved. Here,
examinees must reconcile the two viewpoints. In responding to this
task, examinees should apply their understanding of the topic to
more general problems of principle, choice, judgment, or evaluation
raised by the conflict between the opposing viewpoints. Evaluating
Writing Sample Responses Writing Samples are scored holistically.
Whereas some methods for scoring essays assign several scores to a
single piece of writing (e.g., separate scores for organization,
development, grammar and mechanics, or fluency), holistic scoring
regards an essay as a whole without separable aspects. This type of
scoring is based on the assumption that the various factors
involved in writing are so closely interrelated that an essay
should be assigned a single score based on the quality of the
writing as a whole.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Readers Writing Sample papers
are rated by a group of trained readers, many of whom are
experienced teachers of writing. Using a scoring guide consisting
of score point descriptions similar to those summarized below and
sample papers selected to be illustrative of each score, readers
are trained to score the essays reliably. Readers who are able to
assign scores accurately and reliably are accepted to score actual
essays. Readers' performance is closely monitored throughout the
scoring process to ensure that scores are assigned fairly and
accurately.
Since each Writing Sample consists of two topics, two groups of
readers are used for the scorings. Each group is responsible for
scoring papers for one topic only. Scoring the Essays Each essay is
rated in terms of its overall effectiveness. The score is
determined by the depth, cohesiveness, and clarity with which the
writing tasks are addressed and by the extent to which ideas are
developed. Readers are trained to score each essay on the basis of
the writing skills displayed and not to judge the writer's
personality, attitudes, or beliefs. Readers are instructed to keep
several guidelines in mind as they score. They are not to be unduly
influenced by length (although an essay must be long enough that
its ideas are developed) or by handwriting. Readers are not to be
overly harsh on papers that contain minor errors in grammar,
spelling, sentence structure, or punctuation. Because Writing
Samples are written under timed conditions, it is assumed that some
mistakes will be made. Each essay is judged on its individual
merits; readers do not score with any particular score distribution
in mind. Responses that are blank, illegible, written in a language
other than English, or that consist entirely of an obvious attempt
to ignore the purpose of the Writing Sample (such as a drawing)
cannot be scored. If either of the two responses cannot be scored,
the reported Writing Sample score is an "X" for "Not Ratable." All
personally identifiable information is removed from essays prior to
scoring; essays are identified only by their code numbers. Every
essay is scored by two different readers. Each reader scores essays
in sets or batches, and the scores are recorded on machine
scannable sheets, not on the essays themselves. (Readers record
only the score on these sheets; they do not make any notes of an
essay's strengths or weaknesses.) When a batch of essays is ready
to be circulated to a second reader, a new scannable sheet is
provided. Thus, the second reader does not know the score given to
an essay by the first reader. Readers score essays using the
six-point scale described below. The final score for each essay is
a function of the scores assigned by two readers. If an essay
receives scores that are more than one point apart (i.e., a 2 and a
4), the essay is evaluated by a supervisory third reader who
determines the final score.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Score Point Descriptions
Summarized below are the typical characteristics of papers
receiving each score.
6 These papers show clarity, depth, and complexity of thought.
The treatment of the writing assignment is focused and coherent.
Major ideas are substantially developed. A facility with language
is evident. 5 These essays show clarity of thought, with some depth
or complexity. The treatment of the rhetorical assignment is
generally focused and coherent. Major ideas are well developed. A
strong control of language is evident. 4 These essays show clarity
of thought and may show evidence of depth or complexity. The
treatment of the writing assignment is coherent, with some focus.
Major ideas are adequately developed. An adequate control of
language is evident. 3 These essays may show some problems with
clarity or complexity of thought. The treatment of the writing
assignment may show problems with integration or coherence. Major
ideas may be underdeveloped. There may be numerous errors in
mechanics, usage, or sentence structure. 2 These essays may show
some problems with clarity or complexity of thought. The treatment
of the writing assignment may show problems with integration or
coherence. Major ideas may be underdeveloped. There may be numerous
errors in mechanics, usage, or sentence structure. 1 These essays
may demonstrate a lack of understanding of the writing assignment.
There may be serious problems with organization. Ideas may not be
developed. Or, there may be so many errors in mechanics, usage, or
sentence structure that the writer's ideas are difficult to follow.
Reported Writing Sample Scores Each examinee's Writing Sample is
scored by a minimum of four readers. As stated above, two readers
score the first essay, and two different readers score the second
essay. The final scores given to each of the two responses are
summed. This numeric score, which may range from 4 to 24, is then
converted to an alphabetic score. Alphabetic scores range from a
low of J to a high of T. Only the alphabetic score appears on the
MCAT score reports. Because a 21-point numeric scale (the 4 to 24
scale) is converted to an 11-point letter scale, there are multiple
means by which examinees may obtain a given alphabetic score. They
may receive similar numeric scores on both essays or may score
slightly higher on one essay than on the other. For example, a
score of 20 may be obtained by receiving two fives on the first
essay and two fives on the second essay, two fours on the first
essay and two sixes on the second essay, etc. Although it is not
uncommon for examinees to write two essays of
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample dissimilar quality, the majority
attain a given letter score by performing equivalently on both
essays. It is very rare for an examinee to score exceptionally well
on one essay and very poorly on the other. Because examinees may
attain a given letter score in various ways (i.e., by performing
equivalently on both essays or by performing better on one essay
than on the other), making inferences about the writing skills
associated with a given letter scores is not straightforward.
Figure 1 on the next page provides some general guidance in
interpreting letter scores. This figure shows the continuum of
writing skills represented by the J to T score scale and describes
the typical features of essays at three places on the scale.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scor
ing
the
MC
AT
Wri
ting
Sam
ple
Fi
gure
1
D
escr
iptio
n of
Wri
ting
Skill
s Ass
ocia
ted
with
Wri
ting
Sam
ple
Alp
habe
tic S
core
s
JK
LM
NO
PQ
RS
TB
elow
Ave
rage
A
vera
ge
Abo
ve A
vera
ge
Th
ese
essa
ys d
emon
stra
te a
deg
ree
of d
iffic
ulty
in d
iscu
ssin
g th
e to
pic
and/
or re
spon
ding
to th
e th
ree
writ
ing
task
s. Th
ey m
ay sh
ow
prob
lem
s with
the
mec
hani
cs o
f w
ritin
g or
in a
ddre
ssin
g th
e to
pic
at
a co
mpl
ex le
vel.
The
resp
onse
may
no
t be
inte
grat
ed. A
lthou
gh th
e th
ree
writ
ing
task
s may
be
addr
esse
d, th
e id
eas m
ay b
e un
derd
evel
oped
.
Th
ese
essa
ys d
emon
stra
te a
deg
ree
of p
rofic
ienc
y in
di
scus
sing
the
topi
c an
d/or
resp
ondi
ng to
the
thre
e w
ritin
g ta
sks.
Few
pro
blem
s in
the
mec
hani
cs o
f writ
ing
are
evid
ent,
and
ther
e is
dem
onst
ratio
n of
con
trol o
f lan
guag
e. T
he w
ritin
g ta
sks a
re a
ddre
ssed
in c
lear
, org
aniz
ed, a
nd c
oher
ent m
anne
r. Id
eas a
re d
evel
oped
to so
me
exte
nt a
nd m
ay sh
ow e
vide
nce
of
dept
h an
d co
mpl
exity
of t
houg
ht.
Thes
e es
says
resp
ond
to th
e to
pic
and
the
thre
e w
ritin
g ta
sks i
n a
supe
rior m
anne
r. Th
e w
ritin
g de
mon
stra
tes s
trong
con
trol o
f la
ngua
ge. T
he re
spon
se is
pr
esen
ted
in a
cle
ar, o
rgan
ized
, an
d co
here
nt fa
shio
n. Id
eas a
re
wel
l-dev
elop
ed, a
nd th
e to
pic
is
deal
t with
at a
com
plex
leve
l.
This
figu
re p
ortra
ys th
e co
ntin
uum
of w
ritin
g, sk
ills r
epre
sent
ed b
y W
ritin
g Sa
mpl
e al
phab
etic
scor
es. A
t the
"Bel
ow A
vera
ge" l
evel
, Writ
ing
Sam
ples
as
sign
ed sc
ores
of J
or K
con
sist
of t
wo
essa
ys w
hich
bot
h ex
hibi
t nea
rly a
ll of
the
char
acte
ristic
s inc
lude
d in
the
desc
riptio
n. A
s sco
res m
ove
up th
e sc
ale.
Ess
ays p
osse
ss fe
wer
of t
he "
Bel
ow A
vera
ge
char
acte
ristic
s and
mor
e ch
arac
teris
tics d
escr
ibed
und
er th
e "A
vera
ge"
leve
l. Fo
r exa
mpl
e, a
W
ritin
g Sa
mpl
e th
at re
ceiv
es a
n M
typi
cally
con
sist
s of t
wo
essa
ys w
hich
exh
ibit
som
e "B
elow
Ave
rage
" ch
arac
teris
tics a
nd so
me
"Ave
rage
" ch
arac
teris
tics;
at a
scor
e of
N, e
ven
few
er "
Bel
ow A
vera
ge" c
hara
cter
istic
s and
mor
e "A
vera
ge"
char
acte
ristic
s wou
ld b
e pr
esen
t in
the
essa
ys.
Like
wis
e, a
s sco
res i
ncre
ase
beyo
nd P
, ess
ays p
osse
ss m
ore
of th
e "A
bove
Ave
rage
" ch
arac
teris
tics a
nd fe
wer
"Ave
rage
" cha
ract
eris
tics.
I-or
Writ
ing
Sam
ple
scor
es o
f S a
nd T
, nea
rly a
ll of
die
cha
ract
eris
tics d
escr
ibed
in th
e "A
bove
Ave
rage
" de
scrip
tion
are
pres
ent i
n bo
th e
ssay
s.
Cop
yrig
ht 2
003
AA
MC
. MC
AT.
All
right
s res
erve
d.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Examples of Writing Sample
Responses and Explanations of Their Scores The final section of
this document consists of 12 essays written in response to four
topics. For each essay, the score is provided along with an
explanation of its strengths and weaknesses. Some suggestions for
ways of improving each essay are also included. Consider this
statement: An understanding of the past is necessary for solving
the problems of the present. Write a unified essay in which you
perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above
statement means. Describe a specific situation in which solving a
current problem might not require an understanding of the past.
Discuss what you think determines whether or not the past should be
considered in solving the problems of the present. Essay I (Score =
6)
History is an integral part of the learning process. By studying
events of the past, we can analyze the repercussions of certain
behavior and action patterns. It is a fundamental way to lay the
groundwork and predict the outcomes of future events. History is
governed by human behavior. Although times have changed, and
technology and knowledge has advanced, people are still driven by
the same needs, desires, and insecurities of ages past.
One area in which the study of history is essential is in the
conflict between disputing nations.
During the Gulf War in 1991, America was at first unsure of its
potential role. This country did not want to repeat the tragic
losses of the Vietnam War, but at the same time could not let
injustices occur before its very eyes. By studying previous
military strategy, impetus, and conditions, the United States was
able to enter the war without suffering a humiliating defeat. Civil
rights issues have also used historical experience to determine
proper conduct. The civil rights movements go back to the 1960's,
when black leaders were just beginning to assert and articulate
their arguments, as well as achieve their goals. The recent racial
riots in Los Angeles, while violent, showed how people can learn
from the past. There were definite and inspiring examples of
concern crossing racial borders while before, the conflict was
African-Americans against whites, we saw examples of multiracial
groups banding together to protect stores, homes, and families.
Many of those people did not want to repeat the horrifying events
of the past.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample
On the other hand, some problems exist today that are totally
independent of any historical event. The current issue of AIDS
prevention, treatment, and the search for its cure has generated a
whole new set of rules and etiquette. Our world has never before
had to deal with the devastating effects of the AIDS virus, nor
with the quickly increasing numbers of infected people. Looking at
the past could give us no knowledge on the workings of this
disease, nor on its cure. It seems to have bypassed every known
strategy used before in defeating a virus. In fact, looking to the
past could even cause problems. It was the past, and even ongoing,
sexual practices that allowed AIDS to spread so quickly. Instead of
looking to the past for new information, we must reform our
histories to stop this disease.
When, then, is the past crucial to our understanding of current
events? It is important only, and especially, when it relates to
the present situation. History can lay the groundwork for a course
of action. But, of course, this is only true when the courses of
action are similar. There must be some common threads tying the
past and present together. With racial tension in mind, the
commonalities stem from common catalysts for anger and feelings in
injustice and equality. Moreover, these events are mediated by
human behavior. Also, conflicts between nations arise because
people disagree. In fact, people, and the involvement of people,
may also be the common thread tying the past and the present
together. But, with something like the AIDS virus, this crisis is
not governed by any set of rules or behavior. No previously
established fundamental law of virus behavior exists to dictate its
action, for it proceeds with a total disregard and lack of emotion.
It just keeps changing and slipping through our fingers, with no
historical example to give us a guideline as to its future actions.
History is crucial to understand. It can provide clues to our
future, and help us solve certain problems. But, this can only be
true if these problems, or similar ones, existed before and were
governed by similar mechanisms.
Score Explanation for Essay I (Score = 6) This paper, which
demonstrates clarity, depth of analysis, and a recognition of the
complexity of the issue, is thoroughly developed with relevant and
specific historical examples. The writing is noteworthy as well,
showing a superior command of language, particularly in terms of
syntactic variety. Considering the time limitations of the test,
which do not allow for much proofreading or editing, the fluency is
remarkable. Few errors in sentence structure, grammar, or mechanics
occur in the paper. The paper begins with a simple restatement:
"History is an integral part of the learning process." This
sentence announces the writer's central idea but, at the same time,
allows for the possibility that history cannot teach us everything
we need to know. This subtle but clearly stated proposition
prepares the reader for a series of related examples that serve as
illustrations of the writer's themes and ideas. The first examples
are of the Gulf War and the Civil Rights movement. The writer uses
the Gulf War to demonstrate how the United States has applied the
lessons of Vietnam
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample (establishing that we can learn
from our past mistakes) to a contemporary problem of international
relations. Then the writer supplies a parallel example of a
domestic problem, suggesting that individual behavior during the
Los Angeles riots was the result of lessons learned from the Civil
Rights movement. The writer notes that "people did not want to
repeat the horrifying events of the past." These two well-developed
examples explain the meaning of the topic and expand on the ideas
offered in the introduction ("By studying events of the past, we
can analyze the repercussions of certain behavior and action
patterns"). In the next paragraph, the writer observes that "some
problems exist today that are totally independent of any historical
event." For an example, the writer chooses to discuss the issue of
AIDS, in particular the related issues of "prevention, treatment,
and the search for its cure." The writer grants that researchers
have attempted to use their understanding of the past to find
successful cures and treatment, but the disease "seems to have
bypassed every known strategy used before in defeating a virus."
This leads the writer, quite logically, to consider the question
suggested by the third writing task: "When, then, is the past
crucial to our understanding of current events?" The writer's
conclusion, which is consistent with the ideas expressed in the
opening paragraph of the paper, is that "history is crucial to
understand" because it can supply "clues to our future, and help us
solve certain problems." The writer stresses the importance of
learning from the past while, at the same time, recognizing that an
understanding of the past cannot guide us to the solution of all
current problems. The specific criterion the writer presents is
that we can solve problems that have issues with "some common
threads," especially those involving human behavior (and the writer
returns to the issue of tension between the races, commenting that
"commonalities stem from common catalysts for anger and feelings of
injustice and equality"). Throughout this final paragraph, the
writer returns to the paper's main ideas and previous examples.
This unifies the essay structurally and thematically.
This comprehensive and well-documented paper is impressive in
its scope and ambition. The command of language, combined with a
successful organizational plan, result in a sustained, clear, and
effective paper.
Essay II (Score = 4)
Wars have probably had the most devastating effects on a
country, socially as well as economically. For example, World War
11, with the discovery of the atomic bomb, killed hundreds of
thousands of innocent victims. Later in the twentieth century, the
United States entered another war with Vietnam. Again, massive
destruction of American soldiers and Vietnamese villages resulted
from the war. However, besides destruction, other aspects of the
war were extracted that helped foreign affairs and ways to deal
with war. The United States learned that fighting a battle in a
different country; with a different climate and fighting ground is
difficult and needed to be understood before the war started.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample This instance exemplifies that a
good understanding of past experiences can help problems of the
present. So, if the United States needs to go to war with another
Asian country, in the future, more precautions will be used to
solve the problem. Even with economic problems, nations can learn
from their previous mistakes. The stock market crash of the early
twentieth century devastated the nation financially. But, looking
back, mistakes will never be made similar to the ones that caused
the depression.
Several instances show that once past experiences are
understood, future and present problems can be solved. However, all
of these instances involve circumstances that have had a past
existence. The stock market and war are two essential aspects of
this country's growth. What about problems of the present that have
recently developed? These circumstances bring up a totally new
problem that do not have a past. For instance, the pollution
problem of the United States has been increasing exponentially in
the last decade without having any devastating effects prior to
this time. There also is the fear of using up natural resources
such as oil and petroleum products. Both examples, pollution and
scarcity of resources, are relatively new problems and have to be
dealt with without having any past reference.
Although it would be nice to have an understanding of everything
from the past, it is unlikely to assume that all existing problems
that arise have been a problem before. So, for situations that are
relatively permanent, the economy and wars, understanding the past
is crucial to avoid making future mistakes and solving existing
problems. But, it is obvious that solutions to new problems will be
made from educated and calculated estimations of their effects
without having any past experience to use as a reference. New and
fresh problems will therefore be the most detrimental to the
country since no similar experience has happened.
Score Explanation for Essay II (Score = 4) In this paper the
writer offers several examples to demonstrate how an understanding
of past problems (the Vietnam War, the stock market crash and the
depression) may prepare us to deal with similar situations in the
present. The writer contrasts these historical events with the
related issues of pollution and management of scarce natural
resources, such as oil, to show how certain "relatively new
problems" must "be dealt with without having any past reference."
The paper shows clarity of thought, and the writer provides
adequate development of the major ideas. Although there are some
lapses in sentence construction that create an occasional awkward
phrase, the writer's command of language is adequate. The paper
begins with an effective sentence that engages the reader's
interest. The primary focus of the paragraph is the Vietnam War,
but the writer (cads the reader to a discussion of that event by
progressing chronologically and from the general to the specific,
from World
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample War II to Vietnam. The coherent
pattern of sentences in this paragraph holds the reader's
attention, and the writer begins sentences with words or phrases
that serve as linking devices ("For example," "Later," "Again,"
"However,"). The second paragraph provides additional elaboration
on the Vietnam War and adds another specific example (the "economic
problems" caused by the stock market crash). Once more, the writer
prepares the reader for the new example through the use of a
transitional phrase ("Even with economic problems") that also works
to connect the two examples thematically. Throughout the paper, the
writer exhibits control and indicates the paper's organizational
strategy by connecting related sentences and ideas. This provides
the paper with focus and a sense of unity. The writer moves
smoothly to a consideration of problems that do not seem to have
"any past reference." There is not much development of either issue
(pollution or the depletion of natural resources), but they are
mentioned specifically, and the writer uses them as counterpoints
to the examples used earlier. The writer also uses this paragraph
as a transition into a discussion of criteria related to solving
problems based on past experience (the third writing task). The
writer concludes that "solutions to new problems will be made from
educated and calculated estimations of their effects without having
any past experience to use as a reference." This logical conclusion
seems consistent with the argument that has been constructed.
Although the writing is generally clear and a cogent argument is
presented, there are some lapses that weaken the paper. For
example, in the second paragraph, the writer notes that in a future
war with an Asian country "more precautions will be used to solve
the problem." Apparently, the writer is referring to a previous
statement regarding the difficulty of fighting a ground war in a
foreign country that has a different climate, but it is not clear
what "precautions" are being suggested. Perhaps "precautions" is a
poorly-chosen word. Additional clarification, though, would help
the paper. Still, these instances are relatively minor in the
paper, and the writing is mostly clear and specific. Essay III
(Score = 2)
An understanding of the past is necessary for solving problems
of the present. This clause is the basis for why generations have
begun to document events of the past. For as we record the events
of the past, patterns can possibly be established giving possible
clues to why events are occurring in the present. An analysis of
history, gives the concepts of how generations extrapolated
solutions to problems incurred. Although of a different era, many
problems today are the same encountered in the past. An example
involves the scientific community. Of the various cures to
illnesses and diseases, doctors have only slightly modified
medications which were given in the past. There are some cases in
which no modification has been made.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample
However there are situations in which the past offers no
assistance to the problems of today. Again, this is evident in the
medical arena. Today, there is the presence of disease in which no
documentation existed in the past, for example the acquired immune
deficiency syndrome.
To determine whether the past can offer any benefit to solving
the problems of today, one must investigate if similar problems
were encountered in the past. If so, one should apply the tools to
gain a practicle knowledge presented on the problem. If no
solutions were submitted, then an insight into how the problem was
quantitated could be questioned. Often times knowing what not to do
to solving a problem is advantageous as well. Score Explanation for
Essay III (Score = 2) This paper is plagued by numerous errors in
usage and sentence structure that impede the effective
communication of ideas. While it is possible to follow the writer's
ideas, the reader must often reread a sentence in order to see its
relationship to an adjacent sentence. These clarity problems are
compounded by generalities and vagueness that adversely affect the
development of the writer's ideas. It is apparent, however, that
the writer has attempted to respond to each of the three tasks and
has provided sufficient information to receive a score of 2.
Several examples of the paper's clarity problems exist in the first
paragraph. The writer notes that the topic statement, described by
the writer as a "clause," explains the recording of history because
"patterns can possibly be established giving possible clues to why
events are occurring in the present." The writer's next sentence
explains that a study of history "gives the concepts of how
generations extrapolated solutions to problems incurred." The
writer's meaning can be figured out, but the language is clumsy and
difficult to decipher. The first paragraph attempts to establish
that an understanding of the past helps scientists and doctors
understand and treat illnesses today. This serves the purpose of
explaining the topic statement. The second paragraph, then, tries
to describe a specific situation in which a current problem might
not require an understanding of the past. Again, the writer chooses
the "medical arena" and suggests that AIDS is a disease for which
"no documentation existed in the past." Although the example is
specific, there is no further elaboration or explanation. In terms
of development, this is the weakest section of the paper. The third
paragraph begins with a paraphrase of the third writing task ("To
determine whether the past can offer any benefit to solving
problems of today") and notes that if one can discover "similar
problems" then "one should apply the tools to gain all practicle
(sic) knowledge presented on the problem." The writer does not
specify what these "tools" are. Due to an awkwardness with language
and a vague reference to "tools", the intended meaning is not
conveyed to the reader.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample In order to achieve a higher
score, this paper needs to be more coherent and to present more
specific information. The writer has chosen to use medical examples
in each writing task, which could have worked to unify the ideas in
the essay, but the references are so vague and awkwardly presented
that the reader has to grope to understand their meaning and
connection. Topic 2 Consider this statement: Politicians too often
base their decisions on what will please the voters, not on what is
best for the country. Write a unified essay in which you perform
the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement
means. Describe a specific situation in which a politician might
make an unpopular decision for the good of the country. Discuss the
principles you think should determine whether political decisions
should be made to please the voters or to serve the nation. Essay
IV (Score = 5)
In a representative democracy, representatives are selected by
the voters to convey their ideas and values in the government.
These representatives are voted for by citizens according to their
degree to which they will uphold these ideas and values. Citizens
would obviously not vote someone into office who believes in the
opposite of the citizens on several issue. The representatives will
be re-elected in the same manner; the degree to which the citizens
ideas and values were upheld. It is not suprising that politicians
will base their decisions on what will please the voters and not on
what is best for the country. The politicians must maintain the
popularity of the voters and the best method to achieve that is to
please them with the actions made in governmental circles.
The politicians however are not merely carbon copies of the
citizen's consensus opinions. The politicians will have opinions of
their own and occasionally this may conflict with those of the
voters. At this time the politicians may make an unpopular decision
for what they feel is for the good of the country. One example is
often seen with the petition of Nazi groups to march. While an
exceptionally high majority of citizens would never want to see
this march occur, many politicians would have no choice but to let
the march proceede for a greater good, in this instance it is the
right to free speech guaranteed by the 1st Amendment to the
constitution. From this ideal, much of this country was founded and
it
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample would be hypocritical to deny it
to another group regardless of how unpopular this group was to the
voters.
While this is an extreme case of politicians displeasing the
voters for the good of the country, there exists a great range of
"grey" area where politicians and voters do not meet eye to eye. So
what should be considered when making a decision to please the
voters or serve the nation? Fortunately, for the most part, the
voters will also have the best interest of the nation at heart but
trouble can still arise. One major problem is the building of new
prisons or landfills. For most voters, there is no question that
they are needed, but none of the voters wants to see the prison or
landfill wind up in their backyards. To deal with such problems and
still remain in good standing with the voters, the politicians must
learn to make consessions. For instance, in the same district where
a new prison is built, a new High School and Industrial Park is set
up to better education and increase jobs and the local economy.
A politicians must weigh the potential degrees of disfavor that
they may incur when determining whether to serve the nation at the
risk of the voters. Politicians are unable to please all of the
voters all of the time, but by ensuring that unfavorable decisions
are accompanied by many favorable ones, the politicians can balance
on the treacherous tightrope between serving their country and
serving their voters. Score Explanation for Essay IV (Score = 5)
This paper clearly addresses the three elements of the rhetorical
assignment, examining the issue of political decision making in a
democracy as it pertains to voter input and perceptions about
politically sensitive issues. The presentation is coherent,
focused, well developed and unified thematically as the writer
presents specific examples to illustrate the complexity of the
issue. The explanation and commentary on the examples, especially
the discussion of the prison/landfill dilemma in the next-to-last
paragraph, engage the reader and provides ample evidence to support
the writer's position. There are weaknesses in the presentation of
the paper, especially minor lapses in diction and mechanics, but
there is good syntactic variety and little repetition or
redundancy. Sentences are well formed and purposeful. Effective
word choice and imagery are used (politicians not being "carbon
copies" of citizens' views, politicians keeping their footing on
the treacherous tightrope"). Overall, there is a strong command of
language. The first two paragraphs address one of the inherent
problems in representative democracy: what should politicians do
when their opinions, conscience, and sense of what is lawful happen
to differ from the views of the people who elect and reelect the
politicians to promote their viewpoints? The writer explains the
elements of representative democracy in the first paragraph. In the
second paragraph, the writer illustrates the dilemma by offering
an
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample example: Nazi groups desiring to
demonstrate in a community where the vast majority of citizens
oppose Nazi marches. The writer admits, in the next paragraph, that
the example is an extreme one. This declaration works as a
transitional device, allowing the writer to proceed to a more
common and ambiguous example. By noting that the construction of
landfills is favored by voters but that they seldom want them in
their own communities, the writer explores the predicament facing
elected officials. The writer says politicians "must weigh the
potential degrees of disfavor" and acknowledges that politicians
may not be able "to please all the voters all of the time." Thus,
compromise is required, and the writer offers a creative solution
to the hypothetical situation: build a prison and "a new High
School and Industrial Park." The strength of the paper is
demonstrated by the complex level at which the issues are
discussed. Ideas are developed by comparing examples and reflecting
on the situations and solutions presented. The lapses in language
control are minor, especially considering the time constraints of
the test. The writer's success in expressing ideas and exploring
issues is apparent in the attention to and execution of the
rhetorical assignment. Essay V (Score = 3)
The security of a politician's career generally depends on their
popularity. Since most politicians make their living as such, their
standard of living depends on their success as a politician. Thus,
the explanation for a politician who bases his/her decisions on
what will please the voters is clear: by doing so, he/she assumes
that the well-being of the nation is not immediately at risk, and
chooses to insure his/her own well-being.
However, in some instances, a politician may decide to act for
the good of the country by malting an unpopular decision. One
example of such a decision was President Lincoln's refusal to allow
the seccession of the southern states to go unchallenged. In
starting the Civil War, Lincoln made himself out to be a tyrant in
the eyes of the entire South, effectively splitting the Nation in
two. However, Lincoln's decision was based in his belief that a
Nation divided against itself cannot stand. Consequently, he chose
to accept the unpopularizing effects of his decision in light of
its impact on the future security of the Nation.
When making a decision, a politician should weigh the
consequences of the decision for his/her
own immediate welfare and the country's welfare. The final
decision should give adequate priority to the nation's welfare. If
the politician does not deem the nation's longterm security to be
at substantial risk, he/she may act to please the voters. By doing
so, the politician insures his/her own well-being until a time when
a more pressing circumstance might arise. In such a pressing
circumstance, or when the nation's welfare is at immediate risk,
he/she should act for the nation's well-being. For such a decision
could also, to some
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample extent, preserve the well-being
of the politician, and, at least, would be the politician's best
effort to preserve the country. Score Explanation for Essay V
(Score = 3) This paper presents a central idea (politicians please
the voters to assure incumbency), notes an historical exception
(President Lincoln's decisions regarding the secession of southern
states), and attempts a discussion of the criteria involved in
decision making when both the politician's own future and the
welfare of the nation will be affected. In doing these things, the
writer completes the rhetorical assignment. The paper, however, is
not adequately developed and suffers, at times, from imprecise
expression of ideas. The first paragraph notes that a politician's
job and, thus, "well-being" depend on popularity with the voters.
The writer explains that this is the reason politicians make
decisions to "please the voters." The writer then notes that "by
doing so, he/she assumes that the wellbeing of the nation is not
immediately at risk," but the connection between the politician's
assumption about the nation and the decision-making process is not
clearly explained or elaborated. A specific example here might help
explain the writer's point. Also, the phrase "by doing so" is
somewhat confusing since it suggests, implicitly, that the
politician's decision to please the voters is, in fact, part of the
assumption that the nation is not at risk. It is difficult for the
reader to know precisely what the writer is trying to say. The
first sentence of the next paragraph is, essentially, a paraphrase
of the second task in the rhetorical assignment, though it does
serve as a transitional device. The writer next describes a
specific situation in which a politician (Lincoln) makes an
unpopular decision for the good of the country. Once again,
however, the phrasing and word choice is awkward ("Lincoln made
himself out to be a tyrant," "Lincoln's decision was based in his
belief," "the unpopularizing effects"). These flaws diminish the
clarity of the paragraph and impede the smooth flow of ideas. In
the final paragraph, the writer ,Clearly asserts that the guiding
principle for politicians in decision making should be the
"long-term security" of the nation. This assertion is consistent
with the example given in the previous paragraph. Furthermore, the
writer notes that politicians may "act to please the voters" except
when "a more pressing circumstance" might exist. Unfortunately, the
writer does not define or explain what this circumstance might be,
except to indicate that it might be a circumstance that adversely
affects "the nation's welfare." A clearer, more specific indication
of what this risk to the nation's welfare might be would help the
writer develop and explain the idea. There are few mechanical
errors in this paper, and the writer has a specific and concrete
thesis. The major weaknesses in the presentation of the argument
are the lack of development and occasional lapses in clarity. More
sustained elaboration and effective word choice would strengthen
the paper.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Essay VI (Score = 1)
Politicians too often base their decisions on what will please
the voters, not on what is best for the country.
In the voting process, politicians sometimes try to appeal to
the public (voters) by proposing ideals that sound too good to be
true. What is good for voters may not always be the best for the
country as a whole.
On the other hand, what is best for a country may not be
favorable for the majority of voters. For instance, the Gulf War
was not everybody's choice but yet American soldiers came back as
heroes. President Clinton made that decision to serve the
country.
In my opinion, what determines whether political decisions
should be made to please the voters or to serve the nation is the
reevaluation of that decision and the analysis of its impact on the
voters, then on the country. Score Explanation for Essay VI (Score
= 1) This paper, though clearly written in terms of mechanics and
sentence structure, expresses ideas without connecting or
developing them. This writer appears to understand the rhetorical
assignment and uses transitions to move from sentence to sentence
("On the other hand," "For instance," and "In my opinion"), but
there is little evidence of connections between ideas. The amount
of information presented is minimal. The essay begins with an
assertion (politicians propose "ideals that sound too good to be
true"), but the second sentence adds little new information. The
reader may also be somewhat confused by the use of the word
"ideals" since the writer seems to mean "ideas." Whether the
intention is to use "ideals" or "ideas," additional clarification
is needed. In the second paragraph, the writer attempts to describe
a specific situation in which an unpopular decision (the Gulf War)
was made for the good of the country. The writer notes, however,
that soldiers came back as heroes, implying that voters approved of
the action. Again, additional information is needed to address and
define the issue. The concluding paragraph consists of a single
sentence composed of along phrase from the rhetorical assignment
("whether political decisions should be made to please the voters
or to serve the nation") and a general comment that decisions
should be reevaluated in terms of their impact on the voters. This
general statement is the only criterion offered. There is no
discussion of the principles involved in political decision
making.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample The paper could be improved by a
clearer presentation of the central idea, a more thorough and
logical development of the ideas that support the thesis, and
greater attention to the connection of ideas within the paragraphs.
Topic 3 Consider this statement: No matter how oppressive a
government, violent revolution is never justified. Write a unified
essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you
think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in
which violent revolution might be justified. Discuss what you think
determines whether or not violent revolution is justified. Essay
VII (Score = 6)
The familiar idiom, "He who lives by the sword shall die by the
sword", is echoed in any statement that condemns violence. It is a
very simple principle based on a very logical argument. Violence
invites more of the same. If a government is overthrown by violent
means, then a precedent has been set and there is nothing stopping
others from doing the same again. Therefore, revolutionary
governments topple almost as quickly as they rise or else they
become as oppressive as that which they fought to replace. These
cycles make no sense to a large number of people and thus, there
are many who prescribe to a similar line of thought. Often, these
people dream of changing the world around them only by example and
quiet protest.
However, time and again, this seemingly laudable course of
action is forgone in favour of the
quick, simpler, more violent situations to problems. It cannot
be argued that Vladmir Lenin was not a thinking man, and yet it was
he who invited the masses to take part in what he correctly forsaw
as a "bloody revolution". His reasons were complex, and not without
regret. Basically, Lenin saw no hope of change, not only in the
near future of the Russian proletariat, but ever. The ruling
minority was too firmly entrenched and counting on the fear
instilled in the people to help maintain rule. Worse than this, at
the time Lenin could find no other way to appeal to the government
via quiet protest, as this would fall upon deaf ears. Furthermore,
Lenin needed a device to spur the masses to action. Faced with the
long-term suffering and perhaps extinction of so many, he
essentially forced a confrontation through violence. Although there
are differing opinions as to the success of the Russian Revolution,
there is no doubt in the minds of many oppressed peoples that quiet
revolution can only go so far. Essentially, then, violence
justifies itself in the minds of the masses when they become
overburdened with layer upon layer of mistreatment.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample
Many have theorized that the confrontation between royalty and
subjects brought about by Lenin would have happened eventually in
any case. It is also argued that it could have happened in a more
peaceful manner; faced with the possibility of massive genocide,
could any ruling faction resist to the people's demands? The ideal,
of course, is when rulers are quick to realize that oppression
denies fundamental humanity to many. In practice, this is often not
the case. If the rulers are human themselves, they are subject to
greed and corruption. Thus, violent revolutions do occur. Whether
or not they are justified (in terms of democratic thinking) depends
on whether some form of oppression is lifted from the masses as a
net result. Whether or not violent revolutions will be successful
or not depends more on the quality of the new government installed.
However, in terms of absolute right and wrong, one is forced to
return to the initial premise and state that it only sets the stage
for a renewal of violence.
Score Explanation for Essay VII (Score = 6) This paper is clear
and well-focused, presenting a thorough analysis of the central
idea, expressed by the writer as "Violence invites more of the
same." The paper moves logically from one paragraph to the next,
sustained by an effective organization and fluent prose. The writer
offers both concrete details (the Russian Revolution) and an
abstract discussion of the nature of violence in political
struggles. Though there are minor lapses in language control (for
example, "prescribe to" instead of "subscribe to"), the argument is
cohesive and the writer generally uses appropriate words and
phrases to convey ideas. Given the time limitations for the Writing
Sample, the paper is impressive. In addition to stating a concise
thesis, the writer explains the topic statement and begins to
explore its implications in the opening paragraph. The writer
suggests that the use of violence to force change sets a precedent,
noting that "revolutionary governments topple almost as quickly as
they rise." People who view "these cycles" as senseless are those
who support change "only by example and quiet protest." Thus, the
writer explains the logic behind the topic statement. The first
sentence of the second paragraph serves as a lucid and effective
transition to a description of a specific situation in which
violent revolution might have been justified. The writer then
provides extensive detail and analysis of Lenin's thinking and role
in the Russian Revolution. This section of the paper provides a
deliberate and reasoned reflection on the "bloody revolution." The
writer explores the issue by alternating between factual detail and
analysis. To conclude, the writer states that "violence justifies
itself in the minds of the masses when the (sic) become
overburdened with layer upon layer of mistreatment." Throughout
this paragraph, the writer uses words and phrases ("laudable,"
"entrenched," "extinction of so many," "overburdened,")
effectively. The choices are deliberate (such as the repetition of
the phrase "quiet revolution" in the middle of this paragraph to
contrast with the similar phrase in the first paragraph) and
indicate a strong control of language.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample The last paragraph is a
discussion of the terms by which the success of a violent
revolution may be judged. The paragraph completes a process of
reasoning that began with the opening sentences of the paper. The
sentences vary in structure and progress logically throughout the
paragraph. The final sentence, "...one is forced to return to the
initial premise and state that it only sets the stage for renewal
of violence," brings the paper to a conclusion and reinforces the
central idea. The paper demonstrates a high degree of proficiency
in organizing and communicating ideas. The major ideas are
substantially developed and their implications fully explored. The
writer's control of language contributes significantly to this
well-integrated response. Essay VIII (Score = 4)
"No matter how oppressive a government, violent revolution is
never justified." This statement
can be argued when the term government is understood to mean a
legislative and judicial body which is concerned with carrying out
the daily business of running a society. Oppression is a subjective
term. What one member of society might describe as oppressive may
be beneficial to another member of the same society. In imposing
stricter taxes for foreign goods, the government is attempting to
protect the industries and jobs of its citizens. One man wishing to
buy foreign goods may view the situation as oppressive while a
factory worker within the society finds the policy fair. Violent
overthrow of the government due to its oppressive policies is not
always clear-cut. This is certainly evident in the previous
example. Therefore, to insure continued success in its day to day
business of government, the governing body should never succumb to
coup d'ettas for reform.
History has given numerous examples of justifiable and violent
reform movements. The coup
in Haiti in 1986 was considered justifiable. The ruling family
of Duvaliers no longer cared about the governing of its society
members. Every reasonable attempt at reform was snuffed out by
secret police. When attempts to change government policies and
societal conditions are no longer permitted by the entrenched few
within the government, society members have the unalienable right
to demand a return of government's powers into their hands.
When determining what guidelines should be used to decide when
violent revolution is justifiable,
one must be careful to delineate between governmental policies
which do not agree with the individual and policies which do not
agree with the whole body of the governed. Attempts at reform must
always work from within the governing body. When the government
fails to listen to its constituents, the people must resort to
their right to reestablish a "people's" government.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Score Explanation for Essay VIII
(Score = 4) This paper shows clarity of thought, presents a central
idea (the perception of whether or not a government is oppressive
depends on the perspective of individual citizens), and adequately
supports this central idea with specific and relevant examples. The
writer recognizes some complexity in the issue and responds
appropriately to each of the three writing tasks. Despite some
lapses in word choice and sentence structure, the writing displays
a command of the language.
In the first paragraph, the writer makes an attempt to define
one of the key critical terms by stating that "government is
understood to mean a legislative and judicial body which is
concerned with carrying out the daily business of running a
society." An attempt is also made to define the term "oppression."
The writer provides a hypothetical example (the notion of an import
tax) to illustrate that what is oppressive to one member of society
(a consumer wishing to purchase foreign goods) is "fair" to another
citizen (the factory worker whose job is protected). In this
manner, the writer accomplishes the first writing task. In
addition, the writer handles the complexity of the issue by noting
that the need for a "violent overthrow ...is not always clear-cut."
This conclusion provides some analysis of the issue and summarizes
the ideas presented. The second paragraph presents a contrasting
scenario, a specific situation in which "violent reform" is
justifiable. Instead of using a hypothetical example, the writer
chooses to describe the background of an actual event, the 1986
Haitian coup. The writer explains that the nation's rulers, the
Duvaliers, "no longer cared about" governing and had resisted
"every reasonable attempt at reform." The last sentence of the
paragraph indicates the conditions within a society that must exist
before violent reform is justified. Although the paragraph is
brief, each sentence expresses a new idea and moves the writer's
argument forward. In the final paragraph, the writer expands
somewhat on the criteria established in the previous paragraph,
noting that one must distinguish between policies "which do not
agree with the individual and policies which do not agree with the
whole body of the governed." There is not much additional
development in this paragraph, but the ideas presented are
consistent with the ideas and examples presented earlier. The
paper's focus remains constant. Occasionally, imprecise word choice
or awkward sentence construction makes the argument hard to follow.
For example, the word "delineate" is used when the writer should
use "differentiate." This lack of precision also can be seen in
some of the sentences, such as "Violent overthrow of the government
due to its oppressive policies is not always clear-cut." To receive
a higher score, the paper would have to include additional support
and analysis of the central idea and exhibit a stronger command of
the language. The treatment of the rhetorical assignment is
coherent, however, and demonstrates a degree of proficiency at
expressing the writer's ideas about the topic.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Essay IX (Score = 2)
Violent revolution is just that -- violent. Even under
oppressive government it is not justified. Oppression is no excuse
to cause countless deaths and injuries. If a government is
oppressive and revolution is necessary then other means besides
violence should be employed. The end does not justify the
means.
However, if a government becomes so oppressive that it tries to
silence those against it by violence than a violent revolution may
be justified. If, for example, the government is committing mass
murders, such as what seems to be happening right now in Iraq
against the Kurds, then the only way to stop that violence is
violence. If its government is causing deaths to occur among the
people then a violent revolution might be called for.
Violent revolution, in my opinion, can only bejustified under
extreme oppressive conditions. It is
justified if its government causes people's death either by
murder or by such things as starvation. Under these types of
conditions, when the govemment has absolutely no regard for the
well being of its people, violent revolution may be the only option
the people have for freeing themselves.
Score Explanation for Essay IX (Score = 2) This paper, though
clearly written, leaves the major ideas underdeveloped. A single
specific example appears in the second paragraph, and several
general references are presented elsewhere ("countless deaths,"
"murder," "starvation"), but there is little elaboration of the
central ideas of the paper. Although the essay addresses each of
the required writing tasks in a separate paragraph, there is little
integration or connection between the paragraphs. The first
paragraph explains the topic statement by declaring that "even
under oppressive government" violent revolution "is not justified."
The writer declares that "oppression is no excuse to cause
countless deaths" because "other means" are available. The last
sentence of the paragraph, though a cliche, effectively sums up the
ideas expressed to this point. The writer shifts focus and argues
in the next two paragraphs that under certain circumstances
("extreme oppressive conditions") violent revolution is justified.
The idea that a murderous government invites overthrow is briefly
illustrated in the example of Kurds being murdered in Iraq. This
idea, however, is simply repeated without much further development.
For example, the following phrases in the second and third
paragraphs restate the same idea: "If the government is committing
mass murders..."; "If the government is causing deaths to
occur..."; and "...if its government causes people's death either
by murder or by such things as starvation." These phrases help to
define some criteria determining whether or not violent revolution
is justified (the third writing task), but no new information is
offered. There is no attempt to deal with the complexity of the
topic.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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The writer moves smoothly from one sentence to another in each
paragraph, often using transitional words or phrases to link the
sentences ("however," "for example," "under these types of
conditions"). The reader has no trouble following the writer's
ideas, except when the focus abruptly changes after the first
paragraph. The paper could, however, be improved by a more thorough
and complete examination of the issue. While the writer offers
brief definitions of the critical terms ("Violent revolution is
just that-violent."), more explanation and discussion of the
important concepts (violent revolution, oppressive government,
justified actions) would have been helpful. In short, for this
paper to receive a higher score, additional elaboration of ideas
would be necessary. Essay X (Score = 1)
Any type of violence means breaking the law and therefore cannot
be justified. It is not justifiable to break the laws. If everyone
broke laws rioting would result. People who support violence not
only break laws, but they refuse to face the consequences of
breaking the law. Thus, their actions cannot be justified. It is
not right to break laws and not face the consequences. If you are
going to break the laws you must be prepared to face the
consequences, even if this means death!
Governing bodies should not commit violence because they should
not violate the laws of the country. If they break laws, they set
bad examples for the people of the country.
I believe violent revolution cannot be justified unless the
group breaking the laws faces up to the consequences. Their are
many ways to promote one's view besides breaking the law. Peaceful
demonstrations can easily be used to bring about change.
Such things as sit ins, strikes, and marches can be used to make
one's point without breaking the law. These things are not
illegal.
Governing bodies will pay attention to peaceful forms of protest
and may even do things to
make changes without any type of violence being committed. I
believe violence is illegal!
Score Explanation for Essay X (Score = 1)
This paper discusses violence and the belief that lawbreakers
should "face the consequences of breaking the law;" it mentions
"violent revolution" but fails to address any of the three writing
tasks clearly. While the essay contains references to violent
revolution and the assertion that violence "cannot be justified",
the writing does not demonstrate an adequate
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample understanding of the rhetorical
assignment. In addition, ideas are expressed without being
clarified or connected to other ideas. The presentation is neither
clear nor logical. Variations on the phrase "breaking the law"
appear many times in this essay. In the first paragraph this idea
is not developed or extended beyond the concept that people who
break the law should "face the consequences." In the second
paragraph, the writer indicates that if "governing bodies" break
the laws "they set bad examples for the people." The third
paragraph seems to suggest that violent revolution might be
justified if "the group breaking the laws faces up to the
consequences." The references to people, governing bodies, and
groups are vague and somewhat confusing. The only connection
between the paragraphs is the repetition of the phrase "breaking
the law." In the third paragraph, the writer proposes "peaceful
demonstrations" as a solution or alternative for revolutionaries
who desire change. The writer extends this idea briefly in the next
paragraph. The contrast drawn between violent, or illegal, action
and legal actions (demonstrations, strikes, marches) is one of the
few clearly presented ideas.
Nowhere in the paper does the writer address the nature of
oppressive government, one of the key critical terms in the topic
statement. This omission prevents the writer from exploring one of
the possible nuances of the issue: that the qualities exhibited by
a particular government may dictate the need for violent
revolution. A definition of oppressive government might have
allowed for a more elaborated argument. The writing in this paper
demonstrates correct use of language, and there is some evidence of
sentence variety. Overall, however, the ideas in the paper remain
virtually undeveloped and poorly connected. To achieve a higher
score, the writer would need to address the tasks in the rhetorical
assignment, establish a clear thesis, and present an argument with
more examples and less repetition. Topic 4 Consider this statement:
In a free society, individuals must be allowed to do as they
choose. Write a unified essay in which you perform the following
tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a
specific situation in which individuals in a free society should
not be allowed to do as they choose. Discuss what you think
determines when a free society is justified in restricting an
individual's actions.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample Essay XI (Score = 5)
The social and political ideals that have shaped society since
the founding of the country make it almost inevitable that in a
democratic society, a "free" society, and formation of personal
identity would hinge upon the individual's right to
self-determination. In America, for example, the "self-made" person
receives the highest praise, and the romantic notion still exists
that anyone in America can become anything -- that not even the
Presidency is out of reach for the humblest and least well-off of
us.
The lessons of history -- slavery, economic hardship, and
tendency for power to concentrate within select groups blessed by
accidents of birth to occupy positions of political leadership or
financial control -teach us that the ideal of an equal society
blind to social station is often more a dream than a reality. But
even so, there is something undeniably sacred about the
individual's right to do as he or she choses, an idea that shares
the same root as "all people are created equal," although in a much
more personal context. We as a country might not be able to offer
the worst off of us the guarantee of a better life, but we cannot
deny them the freedom to try for themselves.
Hence the essential truth of the statement, "In a free society,
individuals must be allowed to do as
they choose." To live in a society that often (benignly?)
neglects its citizens is chilling enough. But for a government to
deny this most basic of rights -- in a sense, taking away the
individual's freedom to dream of self-sufficiency, or to work
toward that dream -- would be essentially to practice a form of
totalitarianism.
There are, however, situations in which the freedom to do as one
chases must be restricted: for example, "hate crimes", i.e., the
oppression of one person or group of people based on prejudical
notions about the person or group. Hate crimes cover a broad
spectrum of offenses: everything from sexual harassment in the work
place to the brutal murders of blacks by whites. People who inflict
such hate upon others are certainly "doing as they choose"; no one
is forcing them to exercise such violent "rights" and just as
certain, these people should not be permitted to exercise "such"
freedom.
I believe the question that must always be asked about the
exercise of individual rights is: does such exercise endanger or in
fact harm others? Do one person's demands for selfdetermination
involve limiting others' rights to the same freedom? If the answer
is yes, then I believe society, even a "free society" is justified
in restricting that individual's actions. There are certain acts
that must not be tolerated, for to do so is to award greater
personal freedom to those who least deserve it, and at the cost of
a nation's soul.
Score Explanation for Essay XI (Score = 5) The paper as a whole
focuses clearly on the topic defined by the statement and fully
addresses each of the three writing tasks in the rhetorical
assignment. Paragraphs 1, 2, and
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample 3 respond to the first task
("Explain what you think the statement means"), Paragraph 4
responds to the second task ("Describe a specific situation in
which individuals in a free society should not be allowed to do as
they choose"), and Paragraph 5 responds to the third task ("Discuss
what you think determines when a free society is justified in
restricting an individual's actions"). The paper presents a
thoughtful analysis of both the statement and the implications of
the statement. The explanation of the statement begins in the first
two sentences with an examination of the importance of the ideal of
self-determination to a democratic society and a discussion in the
following two sentences of how this ideal often conflicts with
reality. This introduction clearly focuses the paper on the
statement's central idea and provides a foundation for the second
and third writing tasks. Paragraph 4 brings the statement into
conflict with an example that would seem to contradict it, and
Paragraph 5 resolves, or synthesizes, these opposing ideas with a
discussion of the basis upon which one should decide when to limit
the exercise of individual rights. The paper conveys its ideas in a
unified, logically connected manner. The paragraphs are clearly and
appropriately organized around a particular topic and are related
to one another. There is a cohesiveness to the paper, with
appropriate transitions used both within and between paragraphs
(i.e., "Hence the essential truth of the statement" in Paragraph 3
or "There are, however, situations in which freedom to do as one
chosen must be restricted" in Paragraph 4). Generalizations are
explained with varying levels of specificity as needed (as in
Paragraph 4). The writing is clear and precise overall. For
example, there is variety in sentence structure (compare complex
sentences, such as Sentence 3 to the shorter, more direct Sentence
12 or to the use of questions in Paragraph 5) and precision in word
choice ("the ideal of an equal society blind to social station is
often more a dream than a reality" or "the oppression of one person
or group of people based on prejudicial notions about the person or
group", for example). Although the paper contains some minor errors
(such as the misspelling of "totalitarianism" and "prejudicial" and
the incomplete nature of Sentence 6), they do not detract from its
overall effectiveness. Essay XII (Score = 3)
Our country was created on the basis of a haven for freedom.
Since the landing of the Piligrims
people have often come to America because they were being
opressed by a foreign government that tried to restrict their
action. The first settlers of this country wished to allow
themselves the freedom their own country denied them. One of the
main rights our forefathers developed was the idea that people
should be allowed to live, work and worship as they chose to. Also
that they would have the freedom to say and think what they
believe. This idea has stayed true throughout America's history.
What I think the statement "In a
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample free society individuals must be
allowed to do as they choose" means is just that. If we cannot do
what we want then there is no freedom and the idea of America is a
lie.
Under some circumstance it is not right to allow people to do
whatever they want to do. Take draft dodging. If the nation needs
you in a time of war, it is not right of you to avoid the
responsibility of fighting for your country that allows you to live
so freely. The nation has laws that must be obeyed if everyone is
to enjoy their democratic rights. Dodging the draft is breaking a
law plus avoiding responsibility. It is true that war is dangerous.
Many people lost their lives in battle, but the country also make
heros from its soldiers. Look at Dwight "Ike" Eisenhower, General
McArthur, or further back in the Civil War people like U.S. Grant
and Sherman. In Civil War days there were African Americans who had
to struggle for the right to even sign up for battle. They were
trained in separate camps and most of them had to do meanial work
like cleaning the latrine. But most of them also got to fight and
they were brave. They helped to keep the country together in one
piece and free of slavery.
What I think determines when a free society is justified in
restricting an individual's actions is this -- if their actions
break a law. Whether it is destructive criminal behavior such as
robbery or a more important issue like draft dodging. It doesn't
matter. What is important is to not break the law because by doing
something illegal you are threatening the well being of your fellow
citizens. If you steal something you are hurting the person you
took it from. If you run away from the draft you are avoiding the
duty of serving the country in a time of war and that hurts all of
us. By obeying the law you are protecting from commiting a crime
against others. This is how we keep the country running. If you
cannot stick to the rules you are only causing trouble for those
around you.
Score Explanation for Essay XII (Score = 3) The paper addresses
each of the three writing tasks in the rhetorical assignment.
Paragraph 1 responds to the first task, Paragraph 2 responds to the
second task, and Paragraph 3 responds to the third task. However,
the paper as a whole is only generally focused on explaining the
statement and its implications. The paper conveys its ideas at
great length but with little depth. The paragraphs are ordered
around particular topics, but the logical connections between
sentences are not always apparent, and the ideas discussed in each
paragraph are not entirely linked to one another with examples. For
example, it is not clear how "draft dodging" is related to soldiers
becoming heroes.
Other examples in the essay tend to drift from a focused
exploration of the statement. In particular, the discussion of war
in Paragraph 2 quickly digresses from the subject of justifiable
restriction of an individual's actions, and the discussion of
lawbreaking in Paragraph 3 suffers from repetition.
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.
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Scoring the MCAT Writing Sample The ideas are expressed with
some clarity, but problems are evident. For example, note that in
the opening sentence the prepositional phrase "on the basis of a
haven for freedom" should read "on the basis of freedom" or "as a
haven for freedom." There is some variety in sentence structure
(compare Sentence 4 to Sentence 10, for example) but little variety
in word choice (the repeated reliance throughout the paper on the
words "country," "freedom," "right," "law"). The most dramatic
improvements to be made in this paper are in the areas of focus and
organization. Rather than digress or repeat itself, the paper would
benefit from a more focused analysis of the statement and its
implications. Logical transitions between sentences would sharpen
the connection between the ideas discussed in the paper. Finally,
some practice of the sort offered in an introductory writing course
may help the writer in composing more varied sentences and unified
paragraph
Copyright 2003 AAMC. MCAT. All rights reserved.