Scars On The Inside

ABORIGINAL eLdeRs fAmILy vIOLeNce pROject

“this book is not about blaming individuals. We

are not talking to you with authority, or telling you what to do. We are talking to you as family, because it is about

us, and all our families…”

Uncle John, Bundjalung Elders Council, NSW.

ABORIGINAL eLdeRs fAmILy vIOLeNce pROject

Historically we have been treated violently,

and now we have turned that violence in

on ourselves, and on each other.

People understand violence to be different

things, and it comes in varying degrees.

Family violence is happening in lots of

households and many people are aware

of it, but we are afraid to act because it’s

considered none of your business.

jealousy between families, overcrowding

and alcohol in our homes can be a cause

of violence in families, which creates

violence in communities.

Children’s needs get lost

in the violence and they

become a second thought in

the relationship. Mothers with

low self-esteem and violent

fathers aren’t able to be good

parents to their kids.

We have to find ways to talk

about it… we are not going to

beat violence with violence.

People look at family violence

as being bashed, but it not only

that, it’s about the invisible

things you can’t see too.

Silence is even more

damaging than being

punched. Broken

bones will heal but

verbal abuse doesn’t.

It is the emotional abuse that hurts the

most, which is not as

obvious as there are

no physical signs

of the violence.

Society says that women

have to have a man, and

women sell their souls

to live up to that.

Women can end up blaming

themselves for being in violent

relationships, and they can be violent

to themselves too, believing that what

is said about them is actually true.

shame stops

people from feeling

ok to talk about what

is going on at home.

As an adult

when I hear

verbal abuse,

I go back to feeling

like a six year old

when I used to

cower and hide in the corner.

Staying in the

relationship was

too important - I didn’t

expect anything

better for myself.

For kids that see violence in their homes it becomes

normal and they often act out… on other children,

on their parents, and later on, on their own kids.

If a child has at

least one person

in their life they can

count on to be

strong for them

and they can

feel safe with, they

have a good chance

of being able to

change things for

themselves

in the future.

If children grow up with healthy

boundaries, this can help create

resilience and self-esteem,

which makes saying “no” much

easier down the track.

If all kids grow up

with is violence,

then there is only

one pathway

to act out with

others – which

is violence.

Kids need rules.

If they don’t have them

they can feel unsafe

and out of control, which

can lead to them becoming

victims themselves.

Give your family structure,

rules and respect.

Then kids will learn to

understand their role in the

family and in the community.

If kids are taught to feel good

about themselves they are

more likely to treat others with

the same respect.

Family violence is

a community issue,

and it’s not just

something that we

can deal with on

our own. As Elders

we have to make

a stand against

violence in our

communities,

in our families

and to ourselves.

Not just individually or as one

family, but as a Nation, we

need to reclaim our strengths,

and who we really are.

Our People need to be aware

that this is hurting our

families and our communities,

when really we should be

living in a safe environment

and love one another.

The more family violence

is exposed within the

community, the more likely

people will feel ok about

looking for help.

funded by

NSW Premier and Cabinet Office for Women’s Policy

produced by spirit dreaming Ballina NsW, Australia spiritdreaming.com.au

In partnership with Mirrung Ngu Wanjarrri, with many thanks and support from:

• Nicoline Schor, Sacred Space Counselling - sacredspace.vpweb.com.au

• Graphic Design by Keira Wheatley - keirawheatley.com.au

It is about us and

all of our families...

This book respectfully acknowledges the

Bundjalung Elders Council for their courage

and emotional strength while sharing their

experience and wisdom in relation to the

complex issue of family violence.