Reinvigorating The Dialectic Volume Four

7/31/2019 Reinvigorating The Dialectic Volume Four

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THE DIALECTICREINVIGORATINGVolume Four

A publication for subversive political satire and the promotion of counter-hegemonic discourse

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Deluded university managementremove Redbrick's from campusin an attempt to preserve areputation in tatters.Deeply embarrassed by Guild Officers

pathetic attempts at censorship earlierthis week with the Birmingham Post, overthe weekend university seniormanagement sent the mukhabarat toremove thousands of copies of Redbrickfrom all across campus, including theGuild. This was because they werefrantically worried of the damage to theirreputation posed by the front page

spread courses under threat, fearingthat it would put off prospective studentsfrom applying to study here. The frontpage article described in some depth thecuts faced by the Institute forArchaeology and Antiquities (thedepartment will be closed and lots of itsacademic staff sacked, causing havoc foralready enrolled students) alongsideprevious department closures this year.

Witnesses observed university securitypicking up piles of Redbricks from the

newspaper boxes around campusbefore hefting them into thecontroversial Veolia recycling bins. As ofMonday several departments stillappear to be emptied of the condemned

newspapers. Officers are believed to beaware of the raid and it remains quiteunclear why the Guild has not issuedany kind of statement about the massiveaffront to the freedom of press that hasoccured. RtD would like to officiallycongratulate David astwood and hisacolytes on giving us all a lesson onhow to really behave like a dictatorship.

Guild President is now in his last month ofoffice, with a sparkling future laid ahead of

him. His Silent Majority theory hasinfluenced political scientists across theglobe and his deliveries into hostile territoryare an inspiration to pizza-boyseverywhere. With Conservative Party guruSteve Hilton taking a year out to take anacademic sabbatical in Stanford Universityin the US, a chance for Harrop to move intothe big time presents itself. In governmenthe will find men who are very much on hiswavelength; men who share his regard forhonesty and other essential values, menwho know what it feels like to be the victimof an admin error. And anyhow if thatdoesnt work out for him, he can always goback to delivering pizzas.


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Leander Jones is facing difficult questions after falling for a

classic Selly Oak speaker sale scam. The VPDR-elect purchaseda "state of the art" speaker system from a man in the back of avan for 300, only to later discover that its true value was morelike 50. The police have informed the public of the con-artist lestothers fall for his cunning tricks.

As a result of his actions speculation has been mounting over thepossible sanctions Jones will face. Calls have been made for himto be banned from any involvement in financial decisions in theGuild following this incident. Supreme Leader Jo Thomas is

believed to be aware of the situation and is considering herbenevolent options. A spokesperson for the Gaddafi family saidThis purchase was not organised or endorsed by the Universityof Birmingham or its Guild of Students. Rumours that a NigerianPrince had offered Jones to install the world's best speakersystem in Joe's Bar if he would pass on the Guild's bank accountdetails are as yet unconfirmed.

The charter states that students must act as responsibleambassadors for the University through their good conduct andby ensuring that their actions do not have an adverse impact onthe Universitys reputation, with those failing to do so facingpossible sanctions ranging from a fine and community service to

suspension or expulsion from the university. However GuildCouncil recently voted to remove causing reputational damage tothe Guild of Students from the list of disciplinary offences, so itsnot clear on what grounds any disciplinary action would be taken.

The Voice of the Silent Majority has told RtD The Silent Majorityrespect the right to free trade. However Mr. Jones actions thisweek show his contempt for democracy and micro-economicsand bring the Guild into disrepute. An associate of Jones alsoagreed to be interviewed by RtD regarding the debacle under the

condition of strict confidentiality. "Hes a decent guy but Leandercan be a bit of an idiot sometimes" the source said whilst writing aletter to the Trustee Board. "I certaintly dont think he shouldresign, but he needs to learn how to log out of Facebook if hes tohave any future in Guild politics.

Although Jones will soongraduate as a SabbaticalOfficer elect he may still

face the same misconductreprimands as any otherstudent under theUniversity of BirminghamStudent Charter.


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Page three misogynyPage three misogyny

ASH CHAMBERSUniversity Pushes Ahead

with "Green Heart MasterPlan"With an estimated cost of 69 millionUniversity of Birminghammanagement has decided to go aheadwith the Green Heart Master Plan,ostensibly to improve the currentlibrary by demolishing it and building anew improved library 300 yards to the

right of its present location.However leaked documents acquiredby RtD reveal that improving thelibrary is but a minor aspect in theplans, the driving cause of which is toconstruct a "Green Heart" of campus,which would require removal of thelibrary. A benefit of the chosen optionaccording to university planners is thatthe "Green Heart is is hugely

enlarged" and "Sites within the GreenHeart can be redeveloped for otheruses if required." But what are these"other uses"?

After conducting a fact-finding missionRtD's team of researchers have

discovered that character attuned Hearts,especially those of a colourful variety are akey tool in the ancient reincarnation spell,something a learned sorcerer like DavidEastwood would surely be aware of. Butwhy Green? RtD suspects that thedemolition of the library is in fact part of asinister plot to reincarnate Colonel Gaddafion campus! The university management'sbrutal repression of opposition groups is

diversion tactic preventing people fromseeing that they are attempting to createthe necessary conditions for the BrotherLeader's return. They must be stopped!

Management plumped for the mostexpensive development option with theabsolute maximum coronary volume.

During Campaign Week:Julz: OMG some girl called Claire Lister

just had a right go at me saying words Ihad never heard before because shedidn't like that fact I used scantly claddedladies in my campaignAsh: As if what did she say

Julz: I don't know, it was literally thelongest word I've ever heard, She reallytakes being the Women's officier tooseriouslyAsh: I think shes the Disabled student'sofficer actuallyJulz: Same Thing


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Something really interesting

Identical maps recently found in overtwo hundred peoples back pockets helpshed new light on why Ed Bauer et al

got quite so lost on the way to the Clocktower from the Guild in the protest inFebruary. A statement from the Guild onthe matter indicated distress at the lowquality of cartography employed by theOrdnance Survey in their 'Eggbasketonand other wealthy areas of Birmingham2012 edition'. They also added - Infuture we shall rely only on TomTomDufraime.

Boy wizard Harrop Potter, an awfulmagician by all accounts finallymasters expelliarmus on Ed Bauer Unfortunately the spell backfiresleaving his wand broken and careerprospects in shreds.

The Mark Harrop Appiration societywas a facebook group ostensibly setup by supporters of Harrop's fascinatedby his ability to disappear at crucialmoments. There have been manyPivotal moments when Marksucceeded in disappearing this year,these include the Vice Chancellor/President question time where he

managed to go beyond seeming like ashadow of astwoods and fullyvanished from his seat into the folds ofunimportance and irrelevance.

University to Purge

Rebel SympathisingDepartmentThis week we received news that theuniversity intends to close theInstitute of Archaeology andAntiquities, with 13 of its 24 staffbeing sacked and the others movedinto other departments. The universityhas declared the the department

doesn't fit its "research profile" andthus must be shut down. Fitting their"research profile" is clearly aeuphemism for strict adherence toastwood's ideological agenda, whichhe understandably feels is threatenedby IAA staff's suspicious visits(Documented in full in the CyreneArchaeological Field Survey)to Libyan rebel strongholds. RtD canreveal for example that IAA staff haveparticipated in "research" missions inEastern Libya with the rebel-supporting Omar Al-MukhtarUniversity. The university's"consultation" has been a sham withthe outcome re-empted, which ifimplemented would be disastrous forIAA students especially postgraduates

who face losing their tutors. SaveIAA! Victory to the Rebels!

IAA RebelStronghold


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