Razorblades for Breakfast What You Can Do About Mean, Sarcastic, Argumentative, Manipulating and Otherwise Difficult Co-Workers Presenter: Andrew Sanderbeck.

Razorblades for BreakfastRazorblades for Breakfast

What You Can Do About Mean, Sarcastic, What You Can Do About Mean, Sarcastic, Argumentative, Manipulating and Otherwise Argumentative, Manipulating and Otherwise

Difficult Co-WorkersDifficult Co-Workers

Presenter: Andrew SanderbeckPresenter: Andrew Sanderbeck

Let’s Discuss…Let’s Discuss…

Specific tips to use with Specific tips to use with the manipulatorthe manipulator Different approaches to better manage the Different approaches to better manage the mean mean

person/peopleperson/people in your organization in your organization A 3 step process for dealing with A 3 step process for dealing with Mr. and Mrs. Mr. and Mrs.

SarcasticSarcastic An approach for working with and around An approach for working with and around people people

that would rather argue than cooperatethat would rather argue than cooperate

In Many Ways…In Many Ways…

““There are those whose primary ability There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin and without these their second skin and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not spinning wheels, they simply do not

know how to function.”― C. JoyBell C.know how to function.”― C. JoyBell C.

Discussion Question #1Discussion Question #1

What are some of the manipulating co-worker What are some of the manipulating co-worker behaviors you are dealing with or have dealt behaviors you are dealing with or have dealt with in the past?with in the past?

How to Spot and Stop ManipulatorsHow to Spot and Stop Manipulators

In psychological manipulation, one person is In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power, and exploits the imbalance of power, and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.victim to serve his or her agenda.

Four common characteristics of most Four common characteristics of most manipulative individuals manipulative individuals

They know how to detect your weaknesses. Once found, they use your weaknesses against you. Through their shrewd machinations, they convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self-centered interests. In work, social, and family situations, once a manipulator succeeds in taking advantage of you, he or she will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation.

6 tips for keeping manipulators at a 6 tips for keeping manipulators at a distance, or breaking freedistance, or breaking free



Consider your relationship with the manipulator, Consider your relationship with the manipulator, and ask the following questions:and ask the following questions:

Am I being treated with genuine respect?

Are this person’s expectations and demands of me reasonable?

Is the giving in this relationship primarily one way or two ways?

Ultimately, do I feel good about myself in this relationship?


Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions

For example: “Does this seem reasonable to you?”“Does what you want from me sound fair?”“Do I have a say in this?”“Are you asking me or telling me?”“So, what do I get out of this?”“Are you really expecting me to [restate the inequitable request]?"



8 Ways To Say “No”8 Ways To Say “No” ““I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities

at the moment.”at the moment.” ““Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of

something.”something.” ““I hear what you’re saying, but …” I hear what you’re saying, but …” ““Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to

you.”you.” ““This doesn’t meet my needs now”This doesn’t meet my needs now” ““I’m not the best person to help on this.”I’m not the best person to help on this.” ““No, I can’t.”No, I can’t.” ““No, I won’t”No, I won’t”


What are some of the mean co-worker What are some of the mean co-worker behaviors you are dealing with or behaviors you are dealing with or have dealt with in the past?have dealt with in the past?

Mean Co-Workers - Understanding WhyMean Co-Workers - Understanding Why

““We often see powerful people behave We often see powerful people behave aggressively toward less powerful people aggressively toward less powerful people when their competence is questioned.”when their competence is questioned.”

Does Your Boss Feel Threatened By You?Does Your Boss Feel Threatened By You?

““People who are skilled and well-liked People who are skilled and well-liked are the most frequent targets are the most frequent targets precisely because they pose a precisely because they pose a threat.” threat.”

Look At What You Are DoingLook At What You Are Doing

Stand Up For YourselfStand Up For Yourself

Enlist HelpEnlist Help

Principles to RememberPrinciples to Remember

Know that most people act aggressively at Know that most people act aggressively at work because they feel threatenedwork because they feel threatened

Ask yourself whether you’re being overly Ask yourself whether you’re being overly sensitive or misinterpreting the situationsensitive or misinterpreting the situation

Call out the inappropriate behavior in the Call out the inappropriate behavior in the momentmoment

Principles to RememberPrinciples to Remember

Take the blame — mean people pick Take the blame — mean people pick targets that are highly skilled and well-targets that are highly skilled and well-likedliked

Escalate the situation until you’ve tried to Escalate the situation until you’ve tried to solve it informally and with the help of solve it informally and with the help of your alliesyour allies

Suffer unnecessarily — if the situation Suffer unnecessarily — if the situation persists and you can leave, do itpersists and you can leave, do it


What is the worst thing about working What is the worst thing about working with someone who is sarcastic?with someone who is sarcastic?

1.1. Maintain self-control when you Maintain self-control when you witness sarcastic humor at work witness sarcastic humor at work

2.2. Give the sarcastic commentator an Give the sarcastic commentator an empty look. Don't respond.empty look. Don't respond.

3.3. Deal with ugly comments by saying, Deal with ugly comments by saying, "That's not been my experience," or "That's not been my experience," or "I don't see it that way." "I don't see it that way."

Polling Question #4Polling Question #4

Why is it difficult for you to work with Why is it difficult for you to work with people that are argumentative?people that are argumentative?

1. Stay calm and acknowledge what the person 1. Stay calm and acknowledge what the person says. For example, say something such as, "I hear says. For example, say something such as, "I hear what you're saying."what you're saying."

2. Identify with the person's concerns as much as 2. Identify with the person's concerns as much as possible to diffuse their argument and move possible to diffuse their argument and move things toward a resolution. things toward a resolution.

3. Explain your viewpoint with tact and diplomacy 3. Explain your viewpoint with tact and diplomacy

4. Calmly give your co-worker two choices if she 4. Calmly give your co-worker two choices if she refuses to engage in a rational discussion. refuses to engage in a rational discussion.

If you're unwilling to discuss the issue with your If you're unwilling to discuss the issue with your co-worker when he approaches, let him know. For co-worker when he approaches, let him know. For example say, "I can see that you are upset, and I example say, "I can see that you are upset, and I am willing to discuss it with you later. am willing to discuss it with you later. Unfortunately, now is not a good time."Unfortunately, now is not a good time."

If your argumentative co-worker won't take your If your argumentative co-worker won't take your cue and calm down, excuse yourself. Do not cue and calm down, excuse yourself. Do not waste your time talking to someone that won't be waste your time talking to someone that won't be reasonable. reasonable.

Never return rude remarks or harsh comments to Never return rude remarks or harsh comments to an argumentative co-worker. To do so will invite an argumentative co-worker. To do so will invite further rude and harsh remarks from the co-further rude and harsh remarks from the co-worker and delay a possible resolution.worker and delay a possible resolution.

Polling QuestionPolling Question

I learned at least one thing today that I I learned at least one thing today that I can immediately apply!can immediately apply!

YesYes

NoNo

Questions/CommentsQuestions/Comments

Thanks for AttendingThanks for Attending

Don’t Stay and SufferDon’t Stay and Suffer

Call Out the Bad Behavior Call Out the Bad Behavior

Razorblades for Breakfast What You Can Do About Mean, Sarcastic, Argumentative, Manipulating and Otherwise Difficult Co-Workers Presenter: Andrew Sanderbeck.

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