Professional Communication: Verbal Judo and The Art of Gentle Persuasion

PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATION:

VERBAL JUDO AND THE ART OF GENTLE PERSUASION

Washington Area Lacrosse Officials Association

The Truth about Customers

The customer isn’t always right.

But they are always the customer.

What We Provide as Officials:

• Safety• Direct Customer Contact• Supervision• Management

You are the RepresentativeAt the point of impact,

a single employee “represents”the whole organization for better or worse.

What kind of representative do you want to be remembered as?

Who is Watching?

• How many people are told about a negative interaction?

• It has been estimated that seventeen persons are told about a single negative interaction that is seen by only one person

Verbal Judo• Public events have the potential for getting

out of hand

• Verbal Judo is a well established method of providing personnel with professional communication skills

• Knowing how to “redirect a person’s behavior with words” is an important tool for keeping everyone safe

Universal Truths

People want to be treated with respect and dignityPeople would rather be asked than toldPeople want to know why they are being askedPeople want to make their own choice, given options instead of threatsPeople want a second chance

We treat people like ladies and gentlemen,

not necessarily because they are,

BUT BECAUSE WE ARE.

Principles Of Verbal JudoPrinciple of Judo itself-using the energy of others to maintain control of the situation

Enables officials to safely manage the game using appropriate presence and words as options

Communication principles and tactics to generate cooperation and gain voluntary compliance under stressful situations

Key Actions Making Initial Contact

Active Listening

Managing Verbal Resistance

Moving Beyond Words

Golden Rule:

Treat others asyou would like to be treated

under the same circumstances

To Implement the Golden Rule, we need to eliminate certain behaviors & language:

Physical• Facial Expressions• Attitude• MannerismSpeech• Profanities• Tone and Volume• Verbal Parting Shots

Initial ContactAn appropriate greeting-ask for their time

“May I speak with you?”Explain why you are initiating contact

“I want to talk to you about…”If they are doing something they shouldn’t be doing, find out why

“You seem to be doing…., is there a reason why?”

Keys To Active Listening

Be open and UNBIASEDHear literallyInterpret accuratelyAct appropriately

Active Listening: LEAPSListen-Let them finish their statement

Empathize-See it from their point of view

Ask-Clarify with questions

Paraphrase-Tell them what you understand, repeat LEAP if necessary

Summarize-Put all the info together in context

GVCGenerate Voluntary Compliance

when we have to… Generate Voluntary Cooperation

on a good day…Generate Voluntary

Collaboration on a great day

Words that Escalate:Calm down!What’s your problem?You people…Come over here!I’m not going to tell you again!Because that is the rule!

Non-Escalation Phrases:May I talk with you?What can I do to help you?May I ask you…Will you assist me?Will you work with me?Do you have a question?

Anyone can talk someone into being ejected but it takes a

professional to talk someone out of being ejected

Non-escalation vs. De-escalation

If we spend more time onnon-escalation,

we won’t need to de-escalate.

GVC Example in Action

Ask – Requesting tone of voiceSet Context -- Tell them why, explain reason for contactGive Options – Positive first then negativeConfirm – Is there anything that I can say… to get you to… I would like to think that… Act – Disengage and/or escalate

Professional Civility

You have to be nice …Until its time not to be nice … Then you have to be nice again

BenefitsReferee SafetyEnhanced ProfessionalismDecreased Customer ComplaintsDecreased Vicarious Liability

Court Power (no one wants to be seated at the table labeled defendant)

Less Personal StressIncreased Morale

Use all of the InformationListen to what the person is saying,

watch what they are doing, put everything in “context” of the

current situation

Otherwise, you may never see the argument or complaint coming

Empathic ListeningEmploy active listening skills to understand the situation from their point of view

Attempt to learn what a person is thinking in order to generate voluntary:

ComplianceCooperationCollaboration

GVC: 5 Step Concept

• Ask• Set Context• Give Options• Confirm Noncompliance• Act – Disengage and/or Escalate

RespectProfessional respect is given• When you walk onto the field in uniformPersonal respect is earned• Through actions, communication,

and professionalismExpect the first, strive for the second

Verbal Judo MaximsLet attitude drift … Focus on behaviorWe don’t need the last word, we have the last actionIt’s not enough to BE good, you have to LOOK good & SOUND good, or it’s NO goodNever step on one’s personal faceThe goal is to attain personal respect, not just professionalPeople are like steel - When they lose their temper they are useless!