Print.” - Home - Esplanade at Palisadesesplanadeatpalisades.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/2014APRIL...Hirsh made merry with a toast to his lovely bride, ... Syd looked out the window

Holidays in APRIL

April Issue 2014

1st, April Fool’s Day

15th Passover Begins

20th Easter

“All the News

that Fits, We

Print.”

Page 1

To All Of Our

APRIL Celebrants

Joe Holzer, 8th

Harriet Seid, 10th

Seymour Chenkin, 13th

Florence Schirmer, 13th

Arnie Botwinick, 17th

Dorothy Davis, 26th

My seat mate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good looking men?” “Yes”, she said. “But I wasn’t willing to pay”. A police officer pulled over a guy for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walked up to the driver’s window and asked, “You drink-ing?’ The driver said, “You buying?” A neighbor’s 44 year old sister was pregnant with twins, when her niece asked her if she knew the genders? She said, “No, I want it to be a surprise.” “You’re 44 and having twins,” said her niece. “How much more of a surprise do you need in your life?”

Page 1

Sam Sanders

Celebrating A Special Anniversary..with

Dorothy and Hirsh Jacobson

On March 21st, 2014, Dorothy & Hirsh Jacobson celebrated

their 71st wedding anniversary.

Hirsh made merry with a toast to his lovely bride, Dorothy, and said:

”I am a very lucky man to be married to a wonderful woman. The first 50 years are always hard, and after, difficult but lots of fun.”

We wish you continued joy.

Page 2

Pictured above: Mr. Ammer, our General Manager, Hirsh

& Dorothy & Elizabeth Trubiroha, Director of Housekeeping

Please Meet...The Newest Members of

The Esplanade at Palisades Family

Seated from left to right are: Pearl Hirsch, Marion Seif, Cira Carizzo,

Elizabeth Klein

Standing from left to right are: Don & Uli Monaco, Jack Fahey

Gene Brand

Page 3

Page 4

Time to Chuckle

by Sam Sanders A recently married couple were sleeping in the apart-ment of the bride until they could find another. At mid-night the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and a man asked , “Is the coast clear?” The husband answered, “How do I know, I’m not near the coast.” His wife asked, “Who was on the phone?” The husband answered, “Someone wanted to know if the coast was clear.”

Overheard at the Hospital

Phlebotomist: “I’m here to draw your blood.

Patient: But I just received blood yesterday.

Phlebotomist: You didn’t think you’d get to keep it, did you?

A man walks into a barber shop and asks, “How much for a hair-cut?”

“Twelve dollars”, says the barber.

“And how much for a shave?”

“Ten dollars.”

“All right”, says the customer, settling into the barber chair.” Shave my head.”

Page 5

,

Syd and Diane by George Plohn

Syd and Diane were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they careful-ly watched their pennies. Though not young, they were in very good health, largely due to Diane’s insistence on very healthy non-fat foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, ‘Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.’

Syd asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. ‘Why nothing, ‘ Peter replied, ‘remember, this is your reward in Heaven.’

Syd looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

‘What are the greens fee?,’ grumbled Syd.

‘This is Heaven,’ St.Peter replied. ‘You can play for free, every day.’

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch.

‘Don’t even ask,’ said St. Peter to Syd. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to en-joy.’

Syd looked around and nervously asked Diane, ‘Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?’

‘That’s the best part,’ St. Peter replied . ‘You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaveen!’

“No gym to work out ta?’ asked Syd

‘Not unless you want to,’ was the answer.

‘No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…’

‘Never again’.

Syd glared at Diane and said, ‘You and your Bran Flakes and No-fat foods. We could have been here ten years ago!’

Page 6

Our Annual High Tea

by Barbara Sussman

I’d like to chat with you about our High Tea. It hap-pens to be one of our best events of the year.

How about those snacks and cookies? Not to mention the various teas we had to choose from?

Some of us got dressed up. Karen supplied hats for those that wanted to wear them. And how about those lovely giveaways; jams, jellies, rose shaped soaps?

My table sang every song that our guitar-ist, Julio played and loved doing it.

Page 7

Page 8

Page 9

Careful with the Oysters

by Harold Nash

In my youth, my mother cooked on a wood-burning stove. My

father’s routine each morning was to build a fire in the cook

stove before going to the barn to milk the cows.

One morning after he had left the house, my mother heard a

loud BOOM ! She rushed downstairs and found the heavy

door lying across the room from the stove. A mangled tin was

in the oven.

The explanation was that my younger brother, perhaps 5

years old, had enjoyed the oysters we had at supper and to

assure himself of another oyster feast, had put a tin of oysters

in the oven. The tin also contained water which turned to

steam when the heat reached it. Steam expands explosively.

Page 10

A Sweet Look at People around the world consume more than 1 billion kg (2.2 billion lbs.) of honey each year.

A single honeybee visits more than 1,000

flowers each day while collecting nectar. An active colony can visit more

Than4 million flowers and produce as much as 1 kg (2.2 lbs.) of honey in a single day.

Nectar is about 60-70 percent water. The water in the nectar evaporates when it is exposed to the warm air in the hive and stored in honeycomb cells. The nectar turns into honey when the water content falls below 19 percent.

A “honeycomb” is a structure found inside a beehive. It is mad up of hundreds of six-sided compartments called “cells.” Bees use the cells to hold honey, eggs or developing bees. STOMACH /HONEY/ CELLS ENZYME/COMB/JAR

COLLECT /COLOR/ BEES NECTAR /SIMPLE /EGGS FLOWER /SUGAR /HIVE FLAVOR/SWEET/BOB

C O N C R E T E F L O O R

A J A Y N O C T L P L A Y

A S A Z E N E P O T T E R

D I Y R C E L A W C F O H

B M E E W G L E E E L C I

E P L S R G O N R U A N V

E L B A O S C R A M V B E

S E G M L Y E N O H O U R

S U I T O Y S T U B R O W

B A C K C C S T U D E N T

Page 11

by Bill Kertes

BASEBALL:

Although the NY Mets’ General Manager predicted they would win 90 games this season, perhaps he was thinking of the wrong NY team. The Yankees might win 90 but they will probably find it difficult to beat Bos-ton. The Easter Division should be a tough place to play with Tampa Bay and Baltimore both improved. Detroit appears to be the favorite in the A.L. Central Division but watch for Kansas City to be very competi-tive. The A.L. West should be interesting between Oakland and Texas with the Dodgers being the sleeper as Wild Card possibility which would then make for an enjoyable race into the season. In the National League, the Washington Nationals are considered the most likely to upset the Atlanta Braves in the East. The Central Divi-sion looks like the Cardinals should repeat as champs and the L.A. Dodgers should win the West. In terms of the NY Mets, they could man-age a .500 season if their pitching holds up.

P.S.– The anticipated 90 victories for the Yankees may not be enough to qualify for post-season play or even the wild card.

BASKETBALL: We are finally approaching the best part of the NBA season. The Brooklyn Nets are playing well and could catch Toronto, while the NY Knicks are enjoyable a real winning streak at the right time As is often the case, the end of basketball season promises to be the most exciting..

Page 12

Folktales– by Gerry Miras

From Japan comes a story about love and loss. The theme of this story has Travelled over the world. A tribe of American Indians uses this theme in one of their stories.

She Died Long Ago A Kyoto man, too poor to make ends meet, learned one day that a gentleman he knew had been appointed gover-nor of a distant province. He went straight to the new governor’s residence, explained his situation, and offered his services in any capacity whatever. The gentleman was pleased to engage his old acquaintance on the spot. The man and his lovely young wife had always been in-separable, despite the hardships of poverty; but now that he was going so far away he left his wife for another, rich-er one, who not only provided for his journey but came with him and took very good care of him in his province. In time, however, he began to miss his first wife badly. He could hardly stop himself from rushing back to the capital, and he tormented himself endlessly with speculation about how things might go if he did. Meanwhile his mas-ter’s term of office ended, and he set out with his master for Kyoto. Page 13

Page 14

How bitterly he now regretted having left his first wife! He promised himself that he would go directly to her when he reached the city. The way seemed unbearably long. On arrival he rushed to her house, found the gate open, and went in. Everything had changed. The house seemed unin-habited and was falling to ruin. A wave of anguish swept over him as he gazed at the desolation, lit up as it was by an autumn moon just five days off the full. The night was chilly, too. He felt very sad.

In the house he found his wife lying all alone, just where she had lain in the old days. She showed no sign of anger when he came in, greeting him instead with joy . “How did you get here?” she asked. “When did you get back?”

He told her how he longed for her and promised that from now on they would live together again. “I’ll get all the things I’ve brought with me delivered here tomor-row, “ he said, “and I’ll get my men moved here too. I just wanted to let you know right away, tonight.” She looked very happy. After talking till late about the past, they finally lay down in each other’s arms. “Have you no servant at all?” he asked. She ex-plained that she had been too poor to keep one. He knew that her plight was his fault, and pity for her mingled in his thoughts with disgust at what he

Page 15

It was nearly dawn when they fell asleep, with the shutters still open. Sunlight streaming full into the room woke up the man. The woman in his arms was dried skin over dead bones. In horror he leaped to his feet, desperately hoping it was a hallucination. But no: what had once been a woman was now a long-dead corpse.

He dresses in frantic haste and burst into the neigh-bor’s little house. “Where’s the woman who used to live next door?” he shouted. “There’s no one there!”

“She? Oh, her husband left her and went off to some province, and she was so hurt she got sick, “the neigh-bor replied. “She had no one to take care of her and this past summer she died. Of course, there was no one to dispose of the body either, so she’s still there.

Terrified there was nothing further he could say or do, and he went his way.

Page 16

Submitted by George Plohn

Page 17 Submitted by George Plohn Page 17

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind– every part of

this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.—John Glenn

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population

believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.-

David Letterman

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. G-d dammit, I’m a billionaire.—Howard

Hughes

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.—Italian proverb

The only reason they say “Women and children first” is to test the life boats.

—Jean Kerr

I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the

garbage.—Zsa Zsa Gabor

You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.—

Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife.—

Prince Phillip

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself—Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.—Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until broke.—Robin Hall

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.—

George Roberts Page 18

Submitted by: George Plohn

Musings

by Bea Berke

I have become quite a frivolous old gal.

I’m seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I awake, Will Power helps me out of

bed. When he leaves I go see John. Then

Charley Horse comes along when he is here, he takes a lot of my at-

tention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of

the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long so he takes me

from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I’m really tired and ready to

go to bed with Ben Gay. What a day!

Page 19

Bet you’ve often wondered what a couple of women

sitting on benches in the park talk about….

Page 20