P.O Box 3065 “A Nonprofit Self-Help Organization for ... March - April.pdf · “A Nonprofit Self-Help Organization for Families Who Have Experienced the Death of a Child” MARCH—APRIL
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MARK YOUR
CALENDAR
We are so pleased
to announce
Alan Pedersen,
bereaved father,
Singer & songwriter
will perform at our
Tuesday night meeting
in August!
See page 11 to
learn more about
Alan and his music.
More details to follow.
Page 2 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
To our newest members—we offer our warmest welcome! If you have walked through the door to a TCF meeting, we understand how traumatic and difficult that is to do...we have all taken that step and reach out to you in friendship and support.
As our TCF Credo says, “We come from different walks of life…”, but the common bond we now share is the death of a beloved child, grandchild, or sibling. Others cannot understand the terrifying and debilitating emotional issues that occur in our daily lives once this event happens; a TCF member can and does!
We hope you will find our meetings and newsletters to be a source of comfort, a place where tears are allowed, no judgments are made and the hope that through this trauma, we can once again find hope and meaning in our lives.
A Warm Welcome to New Members….We’re Glad You Found Us!
Portland Adventist Medical Center
Debbie Esmond, Graphics Department
& staff for printing our newsletter!
Carolyn (in memory of Kelsey)
Deb (in memory of Jorey)
Jenna (in memory of Jorey)
Patricia (in memory of Kenton)
An Easter Remembrance Easter signifies the Risen Christ, the most hopeful and posi-
tive symbol of Christendom, and the Jewish Passover cele-
brates escape from oppression and slavery into the prom-
ised land. These holidays have not become burdened with
required gift giving, home decoration, and lavish partying.
As winter ends, and the trees, shrubs, and flowers of our
valley burst into bloom, many bereaved parents feel their
spirits lift a bit, and the pall of gloom subsides for many.
Some of our parents, in fact, leap into spring by planting a
memorial garden for their child, which gives them some-
thing positive to do, and provides them with the pleasure of
creating a little spot of beauty for them and their family and
friends to enjoy. The exercise and getting out into these rare
and beautiful spring days are an added health bonus. And to
have flowers from your child’s garden to bring inside
to brighten your kitchen soon gives special joy.
Whatever the approaching religious season holds
for you, pitch in and welcome it. And don’t forget
the power of flowers especially a spot of your
own creation.
~ Jackie Rohr, TCF, Ventura CA
What the caterpillar
thought was the
end of life … the
butterfly knew
was just the
beginning ...
Moving Through The Grief Of Losing a Child
I was a woman like many others; focused on my five children and family, living a quiet
life on Bainbridge Island in the state of Washington. And then, in August 2004, our
lives changed. That night, eight teenagers piled into an SUV and took a midnight joy
ride. My 16-year-old twin daughter, Sarah, was killed.
The thought of losing a child--if “losing” is the correct verb--had never crossed my mind. Tragedies, as such,
were something that happened to someone else, something you read about in the paper or heard from a
neighbor. Nothing could have prepared me for the deep pain...but nothing could have prepared me for the
peace that now permeates my mind and heart.
The shock sets in; everything moves in slow motion as if time comes to a halt, and time has halted.
An acquaintance delivers a candle on day six with a card inscribed, “Place this candle in your kitchen. Each
night while you prepare the family meal know that the shimmering of the candlelight reflects the child who
now lives within you.” A lovely thought. Eight years later, I still light a candle on my kitchen windowsill. My
child lives within me now.
The days turn to weeks. Friends surround you, keeping you busy, your mind occupied. Absorb their kindness.
Accept their help. Eliminate expectations. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself space. Make room
for quiet. Always remember that grief is personal, as is death. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve.
Seek out therapy. You may be ready. Share your story and connect with others. Surround yourself with those
who will listen, not necessarily those who will offer advice. For it is when others listen that we can sort out our
thoughts and settle our mind.
Your inner strength seeks you out, sometimes sooner in the process, sometimes later. That strength moves you
forward--tiny steps in this process.
Continued on page 10...
MARCH—APRIL 2013 Page 3
WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE.
WE ARE THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS.
The Compassionate Friends is a non-profit, self-help organization composed of bereaved parents/siblings.
We offer friendship and understanding. Anyone who has experienced the death of a child of any age, from any cause,
is welcome. Our meetings give parents an opportunity to talk about their child/sibling and about the feelings they experience through the grieving process.
There is no religious affiliation. There are no membership dues. The purpose of this support group is not to focus on
the cause of death or the age of the child/sibling, as it is to focus on being a bereaved parent, along with the feelings and issues that evolve around the
death experience of a child.
The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us
will find us and everyone who finds us will be helped.
Sure signs that Spring is just around the corner …
Sunday, March 10th Tuesday, March 26th Daylight Savings Time begins Passover
Wednesday, March 20th Sunday, March 31st Spring Equinox begins Easter
Our Children Lovingly RememberedOur Children Lovingly Remembered
Page 4 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
CONFIDENTIAL
Not available onlin
e
Page 5 MARCH—APRIL 2013
Our Children Lovingly RememberedOur Children Lovingly Remembered
CONFIDENTIAL
Not available onlin
e
Page 6 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
If you wish to make a tax-deductible LOVE GIFT donation, fill in the information below, send with a check for any amount to:
Portland TCF , PO Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-0102.
Month you would like it printed in newsletter: Donation Amount:
Child’s Name:
Date of Birth: ____/____/_____ Date of Death: ____/____/____
Your name: Telephone or email:
Address: City: State:
Email: Zip:
Special Message (please include how you would like your message to be signed): _____________________________
TCF of Battle Ground, WA—NEW Ph. 360-910-9669 (Deborah) Battle Ground Community Center 912 E. Main St., Battle Ground, WA 98604 Last Wednesday @ 7:00 pm
TCF Clackamas County Chapter Ph. 503-655-6846 (Barb) Providence Willamette Falls Hospital 1500 Division St. (Conf. Room 6) Oregon City, OR 97045 Fourth Tuesday @ 7:00 pm
TCF McMinnville Chapter Ph. 503-434-5917
Lafayette Community Church
365 3rd St. Lafayette, OR 97127
1st Thursday @ 7:30 pm
TCF Washington County Chapter Ph. 503-324-2504
Elsie J. Stuhr Adult Leisure Center 5550 SW Hall Blvd. (Oak Room) Beaverton, OR 97005
2nd Tuesday @ 6:30 pm
TCF Salem Chapter Ph. 503-743-3930
First Congregational Church
700 Marion St. Salem, OR 97301
1st Monday
Volunteer Corner Can you spare about half an hour (that’s only 30 minutes!)
We are always looking for volunteers to help set up tables,
chairs, etc. at our monthly meetings as well as break down
after the meeting. Your generosity is greatly appreciated!
The Librarian position is vacant at the present time. If you are inter-ested in helping TCF
maintain the book inven-tory call or email Carolyn
AREA TCF CHAPTERS
Have you
read a
good grief
book lately? Tell us
about it and why
you thought it was
helpful to you…
Page 10 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
We are collecting new photos to frame another photo board of our children - thank you to
Bev Waterworth for her dedication/talent making them so beautiful! If you would like
your child’s photo to be posted, please bring a picture
to the next meeting.
www.tcfportland.org
Portland Chapter TCF has it’s own website! Check it out for additional information & resources.
PDX TCF
Become a fan on Facebook!
You can click on the link from TCF’s national website www.compassionatefriends.org or you can log onto Facebook and search for T h e C o m p a s s i o n a t e Friends/USA.
You will find information about upcoming events such as conferences, the Walk to Remember, and the Worldwide Candle Lighting.
Visit TCF often to keep informed of TCF news and events!
Moving Through ...
Continued from page 3...
Let the memories fill your mind. Let
yourself laugh again. Smile. Sing out
when a favorite song you shared plays on
the radio. Let your heart awaken to the
joys memories bring.
Pay attention to the synchronicity and
patterns in your life. Pay attention to your
intuition. And pray. It doesn’t matter
what you believe. Just ask, notice, and
respond. Faith, hope and love all inter-
sect. Maybe things will begin to make a
little sense, just maybe.
Look to your children who live. Note
their resilience and strength during this
epic period of trauma. Let their sense of
life and hope inspire you.
When the pain returns, and it will, allow
yourself to go to the depths of that pain.
Cry. I promise, you will be okay when
you resurface.
And as you move towards years four and five, you
will learn that yes, life has been a living nightmare,
and it is okay to admit that. Realize that as the years
pass, you will learn to weave your loss into your daily
life. Accepting the loss of a loved one is to release, but
not erase. To hold. But not to hold the pain.
As year five turns towards eight, my hope is that you
can slowly wrap yourself around the idea that you can
celebrate life and celebrate death. Death and gratitude
can go hand in hand. Just possibly, it is those who
have passed before us who are our greatest teachers.
Remember always that you never walk alone because
the life of someone who passes lives on in the love
you shared.
Author’s Bio:
Caroline is the author of Heaven’s Child,
www.HeavensChild.com. From the knock on the door to the re-
alization that death and gratitude can walk hand in hand, the
reader walks beside Caroline in this most raw and real story.
Today she lives full-time with her family on Bainbridge Island in
Puget Sound, watching the ferries pass to and from downtown
Seattle. She claims inspiration from combing the beach for sea
glass and treasures, running the island’s trails with her yellow
lab, tending her perennial garden, skiing in the Cascade Moun-
tains, reading good literature, traveling, biking, hiking, playing
Though you’re no longer with me, Every day I find,
One way or another, You’re back there on my mind. I might hear a piece of music.
And at once my mind is stirred, Back to a treasured moment,
The two of us shared. I never try to stop them,
I let them just flow through, It’s just my way of spending time,
Once again with you. ~Jodie Day, TCF Washington
In memory of her brother, Wayne Day
NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION US POSTAGE
PAID PERMIT 1234
PORTLAND OR
RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED
The Compassionate Friends Portland Chapter P.O. Box 3065 Portland, OR 97208-3065
Online Support CommunityOnline Support Community (Topics Available)
Parents/Grandparents ShareParents/Grandparents Share Pregnancy/Infant LossPregnancy/Infant Loss Bereaved 2 years & lessBereaved 2 years & less Bereaved 2 years & moreBereaved 2 years & more Men Only Sharing SessionMen Only Sharing Session No Surviving ChildrenNo Surviving Children Siblings ShareSiblings Share Survivors of SuicideSurvivors of Suicide
For more information or to participate, visit the website:
www.compassionatefriends.org RESOURCES—ONLINE SUPPORT
TCF NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS PO Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696 1-877-969-0010 (Toll free) Email: [email protected]
MARCH—APRIL 2013
The only feelings
that do not heal
are the ones
you hide.
~ Henri Nouwen
By love, they are remembered, and in memory they live.