How do vampire footballers get the mud off
How do vampire footballers get the mud off? They all get in the
bat tub.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula? A blood hound.
Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he's a pain in the
neck.
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails? He cut
all his fingers off.
What was the Californian hippie vampire like? He was ghoul man.
Real ghoul.
What's a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton.
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little
batty.
What did Dracula say to the Wolf man? You look like you're going
to the dogs.
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone? A
fangster.
Where do Chinese vampires come from? Fanghai.
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve? Auld Fang Syne.
What do vampires have for lunch? Fangers and mash.
What happened at the vampires reunion? All the blood relations
went.
Why did he have fang decay? He was always eating fangcy
cakes.
If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do?
Join his fang club.
What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving
Day.
Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than
water.
What do you call a vampire with no eyes? No idea.
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use
extractor fangs.
What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy
that!
Why was Dracula thought as being polite? He always said
fangs.
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a jar of peanut
butter? A vampire that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
What do you get if you cross a Rolls-Royce with a vampire? A
monster that attacks expensive cars and sucks out their gas
tanks.
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?A bite in
shining armor.
What happened when two vampires went mad? They went bats.
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work
in the evening? Have a nice bite!
What's Dracula's favorite coffee? De-coffiin-ated.
Q: What do you do if a werewolf eats your Halloween candy?A: Eat
an apple instead!
Q: What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?A: A
wear-wolf!
Q: Why do werewolves howl at the moon?A: Because no one else
will do it for them!
Q: What do you call a werewolf with no legs?A: Anything you like
he cant chase you!
Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a
werewolf?A: Terrier-fied!
Q: What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?A: He got
ticks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a hyena?A: I dont
know but Ill join in if it laughs!
Q: How can if you have a stupid werewolf?A: It howls at full
cups of milk!
Q: What happens if you cross a werewolf with a sheep?A: You have
to get a new sheep!
Q: Why was the werewolf arrested in the butchers shop?A: He was
chop-lifting!
Q:Why do werewolves do well at school?A: Because every time
theyre asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!Q: What
does it mean if there is a werewolf in your fridge in the
morning?A: You had some party last night!
Q: What do you call a hairy beast thats lost?A: A
where-wolf!
Q: How do you know that two werewolves have been in the
fridge?A: There are two sets of paw prints in the butter!
Q: How do you make a werewolf laugh?A: Give him a funny bone to
eat!
Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a frog?A: An
animal that can bite you from the other side of the road!
Q: What did the werewolf say to the other werewolf at dinner?A:
Please pass the vampire!
Q: Mommy, Mommy, whats a werewolf?A: Dont worry about that honey
and comb your face!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?A: He was trying to
make both ends meet!
Q: Why did the boy take an aspirin after hearing a werewolf
howl?A: Because it gave him an eerie ache!
Q: What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?A: A
terrified postman!
Q: What do you call a hairy beast in a river?A: A weir-wolf!
Q: What is a werewolfs favorite food?A: You!!!!
Q: Mommy, why do all the other kids call me a werewolf?A: Well
take your friend out of your mouth before you speak!
Q: When does a dog go moo?A: When it is learning a new
language!
Q: What did the cowboy say when the werewolf ate is dog?A: Well,
doggone!
Q: What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing
machine?A: It became a wash and wearwolf.
Q: Whats a werewolfs favorite nighttime story?A: A hairy
tail!
Q: What happened when the blind werewolf chewed a bone for an
hour?A: When he got up he only had three legs!
Q: Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a
werewolves party?A: He had them howling all night!
Q: How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?A: Throw a stick and
shout fetch!
Q: Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son
Camera?A: Because he was always snapping at things!
Q: How do you make a werewolf stew?A: Keep him waiting for until
the full moon!
Q: Why are werewolves thought of as quick witted?A: Because they
always give snappy answers!
Q: What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?A: A
were-wolf!
Q: When is it bad luck to have a werewolf follow you?A: When
youre a human!
Q: How does a werewolf eat an elephant?A: One bite at a
time!
Q: What parting gift did a mommy werewolf give to her son when
he left home?A: A hair comb!
Q: Did you hear about the sick werewolf?A: He lost his voice but
its howl is right for now!
Q: Why shouldnt you grab a werewolf by its tail?A: It might be
the werewolfs tail but it could be the end of you!
Q: What do you call a dentist who cleans a werewolfs teeth?A:
CRAZY!
Q: What happens if you cross a hairdresser & werewolf?A: A
creature with an all over perm!
Q: Where does the werewolf sit in the cinema?A: Anywhere he
wants to.
Q: What happened to the werewolf who ate garlic?A: His breathe
was worse than his bite.
Q: What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?A: A mad
dog that chases airplanes!
Q: How do you stop a werewolf howling in the back of a car?A:
Put him in the front!
Q: Why was the werewolf upset with the skeleton?A: He had a bone
to pick with him!
Q: What did the vampire say when he heard the werewolf was
coming?A: Wolf where!
Q: Whats a werewolf favorite hobby?A: Collecting fleas!
Q: What werewolf will laugh at any joke?A: A ha-ha hawling
werewolf!
Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?A: A
monster who bites you, and then one that eats you!
Q: Why dont werewolf make good dancers?A: Because they have two
left feet!
Q: What type of markets do werewolves avoid?A: Flea markets!
Q: Why did the monster call his werewolf Frost?A: Because
Frost-bites!
Q: Why do dogs run in circles?A: Because its too hard to run in
squares!
Q: What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?A:
Ruff!
Q: What happened to the werewolf that swallowed a firefly?A: A
bright werewolf!
Q: Why does the werewolf love Halloween?A: The treats turn up on
the front door step all night long!
I used to be a werewolf but Im all right nooooooooow!
Frankenstein Jokes
A monster collection ofFrankenstein jokes for kids.Q: How does
Frankenstein eat his dinner?A: He bolts it down!
Q: What kind of book did Frankensteins monster like to read?A:
One with a cemetery plot!
Q: How did Frankensteins monster eat his lunch?A: Nuts and
bolts!
Q: How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?A: Bolt upright!
Q: Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?A: He
didnt want to wake the sleeping pills!
Q: Why did Frankenstein the monster give up boxing?A: Because he
didnt want to spoil his looks!
Q: Whats the difference between Frankenstein and boiled
potatoes?A: You cant mash Frankenstein!
Q: What does Frankensteins monster call a screwdriver?A:
Daddy!
Q: What did Frankensteins monster say when he was struck by
lightning?A: Thanks, I needed that.
Q: How does Frankenstein jump start his day?A: With a shock of
lighting!
Q: What happened when a vicar saw Frankenstein walking towards
him?A: He made a bolt for it!
Q: What did one of Frankensteins ears say to the other?A: I
didnt know we lived on the same block!
Q: How do you know Frankenstein is tired?A: Hes dead on his
feet!
Q: Why cant Frankenstein have children?A: His nuts are in his
neck!
Q: What happened to Frankensteins monster on the road?A: He was
stopped for speeding, fined $150 and dismantled for three
months!
Q: What should you do if you find yourself in the same room as
Frankenstein?A: Keep your fingers crossed that its a fancy dress
party!
Q: Who brings the monsters their babies?A: Frankenstork!
Q: Why did Frankenstein go to a psychiatrist?A: He thought one
of his screws was loose!
Q: What did Frankenstein get when he put his goldfishs brain in
the body of his dog?A: I dont know, but it is great at chasing
submarines!
Q: How can I stop Frankenstein charging every time is out?A: Why
not take away his credit card?
Q: What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?A:
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
Q: What do you call a clever monster?A: Frank Einstein!
Q: Someone told me Frankenstein invented the safety match.A:
Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements!
Q: What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with
Frankenstein?A: He gave him the cold shoulder!
Q: How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?A:
On a piece rate!
Q: Why is Frankenstein such good fun?A: Because he soon has you
in stitches!
Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?A: His new dead ghoul
friend!
Q: Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done?A: At
the ugly parlour!
Q: Why was the bride of Frankenstein a terrible lier?A: You can
always read between the lines on her forehead!
Q: What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankensteins
monster?A: HERE LIES FRANKENSTEINS MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN
PIECES!
Q: Why was Frankenstein never lonely?A: Because he was good at
bringing different parts of friends together!
Q: What did the Frankensteins friend say when he introduced him
to his girlfriend?A: Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?
Q: Why was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?A:
He couldnt resistor!
Q: Whats Frankensteins favourite food?A: Frankenfurters.
Q: Why does Frankensteins Monster Frankenfurters have a long
shelf life?A: Because they have no expiration date. They are
already dead.
Q: Who will Frankensteins Monster take to the dance?A: Oh, any
old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why is online dating perfect for Frankenstein the Monster?A:
Because he can hide behind a fake profile picture!
Q: Why does Frankensteins Monster love Facebook?A: Because he
wants friennnds!!!
Q: Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death?A: He
had a crush on her!
Q: What did Frankenstein say to his sweetheart?A: It was love at
first fright!
Q: Whats Frankensteins Monsters favorite word?A: Synergy.
Because hes greater than the sum of his spare parts!
Q: Why was Frankenstein built taller than the average guy?A: So
people did not see him as just some zombie!
Q: Why was Frankenstein green?A: He was made from old dead green
body parts!
Q: Why did Microsoft buy Frankenstein?A: They where looking for
a new mobile hardware platform!
Q: What is Frankensteins favorite dance song?A: The monster
mash!
Q: Why did the doctor create Frankenstein?A: He was looking for
a green form of transport!
Q: Why was Frankenstein always being arrested?A: He was so easy
to charge!
Q: How did Frankenstein stay so firm and fit?A: He bolts about
20 miles a day!
Q: Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?A: For the free
charge!
Q: Where did Frankenstein go shopping to get a new foot?A:
Frankfoot!
Q: Why does Frankenstein love Halloween?A: He gets to eat his
favorite treat nuts and bolts!
Q: Why does Frankenstein hate flying in America?A: His bolts
always set off the alarms at the airports!
Q: How much did little Frankenstein win the running race by?A
Frankfoot!
Q: Why did Frankenstein take up professional surfing?A: He was
sponsored by lighting bolt surf wear company!
Ghost Jokes
A sheet full of funny ghost jokes for kids that love a goo laugh
when Halloween is near!Q: How did the glamorous ghost earn her
living?A: She was a cover ghost!
Q: How can you tell if a ghost is angry?A: It turns red!
Q: How did the ghost patch his sheet?A: With a pumpkin
patch!
Q: What does a zombie get when it bites a ghost?A: A mouth full
of sheet!
Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?A: Ice Scream!
Q: Why did the ghost starch her sheet?A: She wanted everyone to
be scared stiff!
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?A: A little holy
terror!
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?A: At the ghost
office!
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?A: A
dead ringer!
Q: Why are so few ghosts arrested?A: Its hard to pin anything on
them!
Q: How do ghosts learn songs?A: They read the sheet music!
Q: How do well-groomed ghosts keep their hair in place?A: With
scare spray!
- A pretty girl wanted to marry a ghost.- I dont know what
possessed her!
Q: What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains?A: Boots and
ghouloshes!
Q: What color are ghosts?A: Boooo!
Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?A: Booties!
Q: What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyre hot and thirsty
on Halloween?A: Ghoulaid!
Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?A: A dead hoblin
goblin!
Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, poodle, and a
ghost?A: A cockerpoodleboo!
Q: What does a ghost go if they want to swim?A: The Dead
Sea!
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?A: He is
mist.
Q: What kind of cars do ghosts drive?A: Booicks!
Q: What kind of horses do ghost kids like to ride?A:
Nightmares!
Q: What would you get if you crossed a chicken and a ghost?A: A
peckaboo!
Q: Whats a ghost favorite game?A: HideandGoShriek.
Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?A: Anywhere where he
can boogie.
Q: Who protects the shores where spirits live?A: The Ghost
Guard!
Q: Why did the ghosts put a fence around the cemetery?A: People
were dying to get in!
Q: Why is the letter G scary?A: It turns a host into a
ghost!
Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?A: Because demons
are a ghosts best friend!
Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?A: He didnt have a
haunting license!
Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?A: Because you can see
right through them!
Q: Who writes all the books about haunted houses?A:
Ghostwriters, who else?
Q: Who did the ghost invite to his party?A: Anyone he could dig
up!
Q: Where do ghosts go in October?A: The coffin of the year
show.
Q: Where do ghost trains stop?A: At devil crossings.
Q: Where do Australian ghosts go on holiday?A: Lake Eerie.
Q: What vehicle does a kid ghost like to ride?A: A boocycle.
Q: What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?A: Time to
move to a new house!
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?A: How do you boo,
sir?
Q: What kind of mistakes do spooks make?A: Boo boos!
Q: What kind of ghost haunts skyscrapers?A: Higher spirits!
Q: What is a ghosts favourite day of the week?A: Frightday!
Q: What is a ghost proof cycle?A: One with no spooks in it!
Q: What ghost helped the Little Leaguers win their game?A: The
team spirit!
Q: What is a ghosts favorite bird?A: A scare crow.
Q: What medicine do ghosts take for colds?A: Coffin drops!
Q: Whats a ghosts favorite fruit?A: Booberries!
Q: Whats the first thing ghosts do when they get in a car?A:
They bookle their seatbelts!
Q: Why wasnt the ghost successful?A: He didnt believe in
himself!
Q: Why dont ghosts go out in the rain?A: It dampers down their
spirits!
Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?A: For the Boos!
Q: Why did the ghost become a lousy comedian?A: For the
boos!
Q: Why are ghosts cowards?A: Because theyve got no guts!
Q: Who writes ghosts jokes?A: Crypt writers!
Q: Who greets you at the door of a haunted house?A: A ghost
host!
Q: Where does a ghost refuel his porche?At a ghastly
station!
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?A: Just before someone
screams!
Q: What type of music do ghosts prefer?A: Spiritual, of
course.
Q: What tops off a ghosts ice cream sundae?A: Whipped
scream!
Q: What patriotic song do ghosts like best?A: America the
Bootiful!
Q: What is a ghosts favorite dessert?A: Booberry pie with
Iscream!
Q: What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local
bar?A: The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits
here.
Q: What do shortsighted ghosts wear?A: Spooktacles!
Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?A: Ice Scream!
Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?A: Ghoulash or spookghetti!
Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son?A: Dont spook until
youre spooken to!
Q: What did one ghost say to another?A: Do you believe in
people?
Q: What is a ghosts favorite kind of street?A: A dead end!
Q: What airline do ghosts fly on?A: American Scareways!
Q: How do ghosts like their drinks?A: Ice ghoul!
Q: How did the ghost song and dance act make a living?A: By
appearing in television spooktaculars!
Q: What do little ghosts drink?A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why did the ghost cross the road?A: To get to THE OTHER
SIDE
Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?A:
Tombstones!
Q: How do ghosts keep fit?A: By regular exorcise!
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?A: Dayscare
centers!
Q: What country is haunted by ghosts?A: No country, just a
terrortory!
Q: What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?A: I
got a booo booo!
Q: What do ghosts dance to?A: Soul music!
Q: What do teenage ghosts dance to?A: Soulless music!
Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?A: Coffee with a scream and
some sugar!
Q: What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars?A: Sheet
belts!
Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class?A: Watch the
board and Ill go through it again!
Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?A: Do you really
believe in people?
Q: What kind of jewels to ghosts wear?A: Tombstones!
Q: What trees do ghouls like best?A: Cemetrees!
Q: Who represents ghosts in Congress?A: The Spooker of the
House!
Q: Why are ghosts in graveyards so noisy?A: Because of all the
coffin!
Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?A: He didnt have a
haunting license!
Q: Why wasnt the ghost popular at parties?A: He wasnt much to
look at!
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?A: Because he is always a
goblin!
Q: What story do little ghosts like to hear at bedtime?A: Ghoul
warlocks and the Three Scares!
Q: What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw
seven ghosts walking behind you?A: Hope it is Halloween!
Q: Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?A: It had a nervous
breakdown!
Q: Why did the ghost rush home from school?A: To watch an
afterghoul special on TV!
Q: How do ghosts like their eggs cooked?A: Terri-fried!
Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?A: You look
bootiful tonight!
Q: What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?A:
Scream or sugar!
Q: What do little ghosts like to play with instead of
Frisbees?A: Boomerangs!
Q: What do you call a prehistoric ghost?A: A terrordactyl!
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?A:
Bamboo!
Q: What do young ghouls write their homework in?A: Exorcise
books!
Q: What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?A:
Boonanas and Booberries!
Q: What does a little ghost call his mother and father?A: His
transparents!
Q: What fairy tale do all little girl ghosts like best?A:
Sleeping Booty!
Q: What is a ghosts favorite party game?A: Hideandgoshriek!
Q: What is one room a ghosts house doesnt need?A: A living
room!
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?A: One with a dead
end!
Q: What rides do ghosts like best at the amusement park?A: The
Scream roller ghoster!
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?A: In the moaning!
Q: Where do small ghosts go during the night when their parents
are out scare people?A: All nightscare centers!
Q: Where do fashionable ghosts shop for new high quality
sheets?A: At their favorite bootiques.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their household items?A: At the ghostery
store.
Q: Where do ghosts live?A: In a terrortory!
Q: Where does Sitting Bulls ghost live?A: In a creepy
teepee!
Q: Who speaks at the ghosts press conference?A: The
spooksperson!
Q: Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?A: With
NoBody that had a body!
Q: Why did the doctor tell the ghost to go on a diet?A: So she
could keep floating higher off the ground.
Q: Why did the ghost go to the doctor?A: To get a Booster
shot!
Q: What do you call a roomful of baby ghosts?A: A bunch of
booboos.
Q: What do the ghosts of dead gingerbread men wear?A: Cookie
sheets!
Q: What did the guard at the haunted house say?A: Halt! Who
ghost there?
Q: What do ghosts do when theyre in hospital?A: They talk about
their apparitions!
Q: What day of the week do ghosts look forward to?A:
Moanday!
Q: What did the ghost bride throw to her bridesmaids?A: Her
booquet!
Q: What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?A: Spooky
ghostcards.
Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?A: Ghoul!
Really ghoul!
Q: Whats a ghosts favorite Broadway play?A: Phantom of the
opera!
Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?A: Masscarea!
Q: What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?A: Surgical
spirits!
Q: What keeps ghost happy?A: The knowledge that every shroud has
a silver lining!
Q: What happened when the ghosts went on strike?A: A skeleton
staff took over!
Q: What do you have to take to become a coroner?A: A stiff
exam!
Q: What do you call a ghost who was born in a house fire?A: A
toasty ghosty!
Q: What do you call a torn sheet ghost?A: A holy terror!
Q: What do little ghosts drink?A: Hot evaporated milk!
Q: What do you call a ghost that likes to boast?A: The boastful
ghost!
Q: What did the ghost have a helium balloon tied to it?A: It was
a cripple ghost!
Q: Why to ghosts feel so light?A: They are low in fat!
Q: What type of food do ghosts eat?A: Fat free!
Q: Why was the ghost so bright?A: He was using a sheet of gold
leaf!
Q: Why do ghosts hate Halloween?A: All the kids think they are
other kids!
Q: Why did the ghost have a beef with the zombie?A: The zombie
stole his body!
Q: What number do kid ghost call in an emergencies?A:
Boo-boo-boo!
Q: Why did the vampire think the ghost was drunk?A: It kept
crashing into walls!
Q: Why does the ghost ship never sink?A: It floats in the
air!
Ghost Jokes
A sheet full of funny ghost jokes for kids that love a goo laugh
when Halloween is near!Q: How did the glamorous ghost earn her
living?A: She was a cover ghost!
Q: How can you tell if a ghost is angry?A: It turns red!
Q: How did the ghost patch his sheet?A: With a pumpkin
patch!
Q: What does a zombie get when it bites a ghost?A: A mouth full
of sheet!
Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?A: Ice Scream!
Q: Why did the ghost starch her sheet?A: She wanted everyone to
be scared stiff!
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?A: A little holy
terror!
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?A: At the ghost
office!
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?A: A
dead ringer!
Q: Why are so few ghosts arrested?A: Its hard to pin anything on
them!
Q: How do ghosts learn songs?A: They read the sheet music!
Q: How do well-groomed ghosts keep their hair in place?A: With
scare spray!
- A pretty girl wanted to marry a ghost.- I dont know what
possessed her!
Q: What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains?A: Boots and
ghouloshes!
Q: What color are ghosts?A: Boooo!
Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?A: Booties!
Q: What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyre hot and thirsty
on Halloween?A: Ghoulaid!
Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?A: A dead hoblin
goblin!
Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, poodle, and a
ghost?A: A cockerpoodleboo!
Q: What does a ghost go if they want to swim?A: The Dead
Sea!
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?A: He is
mist.
Q: What kind of cars do ghosts drive?A: Booicks!
Q: What kind of horses do ghost kids like to ride?A:
Nightmares!
Q: What would you get if you crossed a chicken and a ghost?A: A
peckaboo!
Q: Whats a ghost favorite game?A: HideandGoShriek.
Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?A: Anywhere where he
can boogie.
Q: Who protects the shores where spirits live?A: The Ghost
Guard!
Q: Why did the ghosts put a fence around the cemetery?A: People
were dying to get in!
Q: Why is the letter G scary?A: It turns a host into a
ghost!
Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?A: Because demons
are a ghosts best friend!
Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?A: He didnt have a
haunting license!
Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?A: Because you can see
right through them!
Q: Who writes all the books about haunted houses?A:
Ghostwriters, who else?
Q: Who did the ghost invite to his party?A: Anyone he could dig
up!
Q: Where do ghosts go in October?A: The coffin of the year
show.
Q: Where do ghost trains stop?A: At devil crossings.
Q: Where do Australian ghosts go on holiday?A: Lake Eerie.
Q: What vehicle does a kid ghost like to ride?A: A boocycle.
Q: What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?A: Time to
move to a new house!
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?A: How do you boo,
sir?
Q: What kind of mistakes do spooks make?A: Boo boos!
Q: What kind of ghost haunts skyscrapers?A: Higher spirits!
Q: What is a ghosts favourite day of the week?A: Frightday!
Q: What is a ghost proof cycle?A: One with no spooks in it!
Q: What ghost helped the Little Leaguers win their game?A: The
team spirit!
Q: What is a ghosts favorite bird?A: A scare crow.
Q: What medicine do ghosts take for colds?A: Coffin drops!
Q: Whats a ghosts favorite fruit?A: Booberries!
Q: Whats the first thing ghosts do when they get in a car?A:
They bookle their seatbelts!
Q: Why wasnt the ghost successful?A: He didnt believe in
himself!
Q: Why dont ghosts go out in the rain?A: It dampers down their
spirits!
Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?A: For the Boos!
Q: Why did the ghost become a lousy comedian?A: For the
boos!
Q: Why are ghosts cowards?A: Because theyve got no guts!
Q: Who writes ghosts jokes?A: Crypt writers!
Q: Who greets you at the door of a haunted house?A: A ghost
host!
Q: Where does a ghost refuel his porche?At a ghastly
station!
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?A: Just before someone
screams!
Q: What type of music do ghosts prefer?A: Spiritual, of
course.
Q: What tops off a ghosts ice cream sundae?A: Whipped
scream!
Q: What patriotic song do ghosts like best?A: America the
Bootiful!
Q: What is a ghosts favorite dessert?A: Booberry pie with
Iscream!
Q: What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local
bar?A: The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits
here.
Q: What do shortsighted ghosts wear?A: Spooktacles!
Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?A: Ice Scream!
Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?A: Ghoulash or spookghetti!
Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son?A: Dont spook until
youre spooken to!
Q: What did one ghost say to another?A: Do you believe in
people?
Q: What is a ghosts favorite kind of street?A: A dead end!
Q: What airline do ghosts fly on?A: American Scareways!
Q: How do ghosts like their drinks?A: Ice ghoul!
Q: How did the ghost song and dance act make a living?A: By
appearing in television spooktaculars!
Q: What do little ghosts drink?A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why did the ghost cross the road?A: To get to THE OTHER
SIDE
Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?A:
Tombstones!
Q: How do ghosts keep fit?A: By regular exorcise!
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?A: Dayscare
centers!
Q: What country is haunted by ghosts?A: No country, just a
terrortory!
Q: What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?A: I
got a booo booo!
Q: What do ghosts dance to?A: Soul music!
Q: What do teenage ghosts dance to?A: Soulless music!
Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?A: Coffee with a scream and
some sugar!
Q: What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars?A: Sheet
belts!
Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class?A: Watch the
board and Ill go through it again!
Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?A: Do you really
believe in people?
Q: What kind of jewels to ghosts wear?A: Tombstones!
Q: What trees do ghouls like best?A: Cemetrees!
Q: Who represents ghosts in Congress?A: The Spooker of the
House!
Q: Why are ghosts in graveyards so noisy?A: Because of all the
coffin!
Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?A: He didnt have a
haunting license!
Q: Why wasnt the ghost popular at parties?A: He wasnt much to
look at!
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?A: Because he is always a
goblin!
Q: What story do little ghosts like to hear at bedtime?A: Ghoul
warlocks and the Three Scares!
Q: What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw
seven ghosts walking behind you?A: Hope it is Halloween!
Q: Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?A: It had a nervous
breakdown!
Q: Why did the ghost rush home from school?A: To watch an
afterghoul special on TV!
Q: How do ghosts like their eggs cooked?A: Terri-fried!
Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?A: You look
bootiful tonight!
Q: What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?A:
Scream or sugar!
Q: What do little ghosts like to play with instead of
Frisbees?A: Boomerangs!
Q: What do you call a prehistoric ghost?A: A terrordactyl!
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?A:
Bamboo!
Q: What do young ghouls write their homework in?A: Exorcise
books!
Q: What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?A:
Boonanas and Booberries!
Q: What does a little ghost call his mother and father?A: His
transparents!
Q: What fairy tale do all little girl ghosts like best?A:
Sleeping Booty!
Q: What is a ghosts favorite party game?A: Hideandgoshriek!
Q: What is one room a ghosts house doesnt need?A: A living
room!
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?A: One with a dead
end!
Q: What rides do ghosts like best at the amusement park?A: The
Scream roller ghoster!
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?A: In the moaning!
Q: Where do small ghosts go during the night when their parents
are out scare people?A: All nightscare centers!
Q: Where do fashionable ghosts shop for new high quality
sheets?A: At their favorite bootiques.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their household items?A: At the ghostery
store.
Q: Where do ghosts live?A: In a terrortory!
Q: Where does Sitting Bulls ghost live?A: In a creepy
teepee!
Q: Who speaks at the ghosts press conference?A: The
spooksperson!
Q: Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?A: With
NoBody that had a body!
Q: Why did the doctor tell the ghost to go on a diet?A: So she
could keep floating higher off the ground.
Q: Why did the ghost go to the doctor?A: To get a Booster
shot!
Q: What do you call a roomful of baby ghosts?A: A bunch of
booboos.
Q: What do the ghosts of dead gingerbread men wear?A: Cookie
sheets!
Q: What did the guard at the haunted house say?A: Halt! Who
ghost there?
Q: What do ghosts do when theyre in hospital?A: They talk about
their apparitions!
Q: What day of the week do ghosts look forward to?A:
Moanday!
Q: What did the ghost bride throw to her bridesmaids?A: Her
booquet!
Q: What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?A: Spooky
ghostcards.
Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?A: Ghoul!
Really ghoul!
Q: Whats a ghosts favorite Broadway play?A: Phantom of the
opera!
Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?A: Masscarea!
Q: What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?A: Surgical
spirits!
Q: What keeps ghost happy?A: The knowledge that every shroud has
a silver lining!
Q: What happened when the ghosts went on strike?A: A skeleton
staff took over!
Q: What do you have to take to become a coroner?A: A stiff
exam!
Q: What do you call a ghost who was born in a house fire?A: A
toasty ghosty!
Q: What do you call a torn sheet ghost?A: A holy terror!
Q: What do little ghosts drink?A: Hot evaporated milk!
Q: What do you call a ghost that likes to boast?A: The boastful
ghost!
Q: What did the ghost have a helium balloon tied to it?A: It was
a cripple ghost!
Q: Why to ghosts feel so light?A: They are low in fat!
Q: What type of food do ghosts eat?A: Fat free!
Q: Why was the ghost so bright?A: He was using a sheet of gold
leaf!
Q: Why do ghosts hate Halloween?A: All the kids think they are
other kids!
Q: Why did the ghost have a beef with the zombie?A: The zombie
stole his body!
Q: What number do kid ghost call in an emergencies?A:
Boo-boo-boo!
Q: Why did the vampire think the ghost was drunk?A: It kept
crashing into walls!
Q: Why does the ghost ship never sink?A: It floats in the
air!
Halloween Knock Knock Jokes
The biggest collection of Halloween Knock Knock jokes on the
web!Knock Knock!!Whos there?Turin.Turin who?Turin to a vampire this
Halloween!
Knock Knock!! Trick or Treat!Whos there?Thermos!Thermos
who?Thermos be a better way!
Knock Knock!Whos there?Boo.Boo who?Dont cry! Im just a Halloween
trick or treater!
Knock Knock!Whos there?Ice Cream.Ice cream who?Ice cream every
time I see a ghost!
Knock Knock Trick or TreatWhos there?Tinker Bell!Tinker Bell
who?Tinker Bell is out of order!
Knock Knock!!Whos there?Tad.Tad who?Tad old black magic!
Knock Knock!!Whos there?Dishes!Dishes who?Dishes a very
Halloween bad joke!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Olive.Olive who?Olive Halloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Ben.Ben who?Ben waiting for Halloween
all year!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Howl!Howl who?Howl you be dressing up
this Halloween?
Knock Knock!!Whos there?Ben!Ben who?Ben knocking on this door
all night!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Frank.Frank who?Frankenstein!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Witch.Witch who?Witch one of you can
fix my broomstick?
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Witch.Witch who?Witch one of you will
give me some Halloween candy?
Knock Knock!!Whos there?Boo.Boo Who?Ah, dont cry, Halloween is
just around the corner!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?HowHow who?How are my going to get in
if you dont open the door?
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Ivan.Ivan who?Ivan to suck your
blood!!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Ivana.Ivana Who?Ivana suck your
blood!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Twick.Twick who?Twick or Tweet!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Wanda.Wanda who?Wanda go for a ride on
my broomstick?
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?
Ben!Ben who?Ben waiting for to kiss a witch all year!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Vampire!Vampire who?Vampire state
building!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Disguise!Disguise who?This guy is your
boy friend!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Phillip.Phillip who?Phillip my bag with
Halloween candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Dustin !Dustin who?Dustin off last year
Jack-o-lantern for you!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Earl!Earl who?Earl be glad to tell you
when you open this door!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Wolvesly.Wolvesly who?Wolves say Happy
Howloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Boo!Boo who?No, no, dont cry! I was
just kidding.
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Gargoyle.Gargoyle Who?If you Gargoyle
with salt water, your throat will feel better!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Jacklyn.Jacklyn who?Jacklyn Hyde!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Aaron!Aaron who!Aaron on the side of
caution this Halloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Abbott!Abbott who?Abbott time you
answered the door and where is my candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Aida!Aida who?Aida lot of sweets and
now Ive got tummy ache!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Witches!Witches who?Witches way to the
haunted house!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Zoom!Zoom who?Zoom did you expect!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Elias!Elias who?Elias a terrible scary
thing!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Essen!Essen who?Essen it fun to listen
to these Halloween jokes!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Forbes!Forbes who?Forbes of Evil!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Fozzie!Fozzie who?Fozzie hundredth
time, TRICK OR TREAT!!!!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Iran!Iran who?Iran over here to get
some candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Jagger!Jagger who!Jaggerd edge!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Max!Max who?Max no difference. trick or
treat!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Norma!Norma who?Normally I say trick or
treat!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Parton!Parton who?Parton me buy it is
Halloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Robin!Robin who?Robin your house!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Voodoo!Voodoo who?Voodoo you think you
are!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Wine!Wine who?Wine dont you like these
Halloween jokes!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Chile!Chile who?Chile out tonight It is
only Halloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Chuck!Chuck who?Chuck and see if the
door is locked!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Butter!Butter who?Butter have some nice
Halloween candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Candy!Candy who?Candy cow jump over the
moon!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Celeste!Celeste who?Celeste time Im
going to tell you this!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Dawn!Dawn who?Dawn leave me out here in
the cold!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Diane!Diane who?Diane to meet you!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Eyesore!Eyesore who?Eyesore do like
you!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Falafel!Falafel who?Falafel off my bike
and lost my candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Justin!Justin who?Justin time for
Halloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Lenny!Lenny who?Lenny in, Im hungry I
need a snack!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Darwin!Darwin who?Ill be Darwin you to
open the door!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Datsun!Datsun who?Datsun old joke!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Disk!Disk who?Disk is recorded message,
Trick or trick!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Doris!Doris who?Doris slammed on my
finger. Ouch!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Holland!Holland who?Holland you going
to make me wait out here for my treats!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Gorilla!Gorilla who?Gorilla me some
cheese on toast please!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Norway!Norway who?Norway will I leave
till you give me a candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Omar!Omar live who?Omar goodness
gracious, wrong door!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Sweden!Sweden who?Sweden my Halloween
please!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Tank!Tank who?Your welcome!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Luke!Luke who?Luke through the keyhole
and youll see!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Hutch!Hutch who!Bless you, and trick or
treat!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Julia!Julia who!Julia want some milk
and cookies!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Dozen!Dozen who?Dozen anyone ever
answer the door!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Eddie!Eddie who?Eddie body home it is
Halloween!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Curry!Curry who?Curry me back home will
you!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Custer!Custer who?Custer a candy to
find out!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Al!Al who?Al give you a kiss if you
open this door!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Doris!Doris who?Doris locked thats why
I am knocking!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Bach!Bach who?Where is my bah of
sweets!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Orange.Orange who?Orange you glad I
didnt say zombie?
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Egg!Egg who?A candy in the hand is
worth two eggs on the house!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Butcher!Butcher who?Butcher your candy
where my hand is!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Cereal!Cereal who?Cereal killer!
Pleasure to meet you!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Chicken!Chicken who?Chicken the oven, I
can smell burning!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Candy!Candy who?Candy door open any
slower!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Hope!Hope who?Hope youll give me some
yummy Halloween candy!!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Eva!Eva who?Eva youre deaf or your
doorbell isnt working!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Alva!Alva who?Alva heart and give me
some Halloween candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Alfred!Alfred who!Alfred of the
dark!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Dana!Dana who?Dana talk with your mouth
full of candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Europe!Europe who?Europening the door
too slow, come on!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Barbara!Barbara who?Barbara black
sheep, have you any candy!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Armageddon!Armageddon who?Armageddon
out of here!
Knock, Knock!!Whos there?Gladys!Gladys who!Gladys its my last
Halloween Knock Knock joke!
Vampire Jokes
Looking for some lip bitting funny vampire jokes to bring some
laughs to your Halloween this year. Then check out these suckers!
They are sure to put a pain in the neck from all your laughter.Q:
Where does vampire get all his jokes?A: From a crypt writer!
Q: Whats a vampires favourite soup?A: Scream of Tomato!
Q: What is a vampires favorite holiday?A: Fangsgiving!
Q: What is a vampires favourite fruit?A: A blood orange!!
Q:Why did the vampire drive on the motorway?A: Someone told him
it was a main artery!
Q: What do you call the referee in a Transylvanian soccer
game?A: A Vumpire!!
Q: Whats a vampires favourite music band?A: The Vaults!
Q: What did the vampire have for dessert last night?A: Whine
& Ice scream!!
Q: Why does vampire consider himself a good artist?A: Because he
likes to draw blood!
Q: What sort of club would a vampire join?A: A blood
group!!!
Q: How did the vampire fall in love with his wife?A: It was love
at first bite!!
Q: What is a vampires favorite sport?A: Casketball
Q: Where does a vampire usually eat his lunch?A: At the
casketeria!
Q: Why did the vampire become an actor?A: He wanted a part he
could sink his teeth into!
Q: What is a vampies favourite breakfast?A: Ready-Neck!!
Q: Who is a vampires favorite type of person to bite?A: A red
neck!!
Q: Why doesnt vampire mind the doctor looking at his throat.A:
Because of his big coffin.
Q: Why do vampires scare people?A: They are bored to death!
Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?A: Fang Decay!!!
Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?A: Because he had bat
breath!
Q: How does a female vampire flirt?A: She bats her eyes!
Q: Why is a vampire a good person to take out for meals?A:
Because he eats necks to nothing!
Q: Where do vampires keep their money?A: The blood bank!!!
Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?A: Every night he
turns into a bat.
Q: What do you call a foolish old vampire?A: Silly old
sucker!!
Q: What is a vampires favourite dessert?A: You scream and I
scream!!!
Q: Why has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?A. Being a
vampires dentist!!!
Q: What do you call a short vampire?A: A pain in the knee!
Q: Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?A: He heard
it had the best circulation.
Q: Whats a Vampires least favorite song?A: Another one bites the
dust!
Q: What do you call a stupid vampire?A: A silly clot!
Q: Why do vampires invest in silver?A: To take it off the
market!
Q: Why did the vampire go to the dentist?A: He had a
fang-ache!!!
Q: Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?A: It was all bite and
no bark!
Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?A: A stake
sandwich!
Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?A: All
the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts!
Q: Whats a Spanish vampires favourite dance?A: The
fangdango!
Q: Why doesnt anybody like the local drunk vampire?A: He has a
bat temper!
Q: Why does the vampire wear patent leather shoes?A: Sandals
dont look good with his tuxedo!
Q: What is a vampires favorite fruit?A: A necktarine !!
Q: Whats it like to be kissed by a vampire?A: Its a pain in the
neck!
Q: What is a vampires favorite fast food restaurant?A: A Murder
King!!!
Q: What goes quack-quack and has two webbed feet, feathers, long
fangs?A: The flying Count Duckula!!
Q: What type of dog does every vampire have?A: Bloodhound!
Q: How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?A: So long
sucker!
Q: Who does the movie star vampire get letters from?A: His fang
club!
Q: Which building do vampires visit when they are in New York?A:
The Vampire State Building!
Q: What is a vampires least favorite food?A: A big long
steak!!
Q: Whats a vampires favourite game?A: Batminton!!!
Q: What songs do vampires hate?A: You Are My Sunshine
Q: What happens when two vampires meet?A: It was love at first
bite!
Q: Whats a vampires favorite fast food?A: A person with very
high blood pressure
Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?A: They all come out at
night!
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?A:
A blood-thirsty hacker baby!!!
Q: What do you call a duck with fangs?A: Quackula!
Q: Why was the vampire so unlucky in love?A: He always loved in
vein!
Q: What is a vampires favourite drink?A: A Bloody Mary!
Q: Would you rather a vampire attacked you, or a were wolf?A: Id
rather have the vampire attacking the werewolf!
Q: Why did the vampire become a vegetarian?A: He couldnt bear
eating any more big long stakes!
Q: What did the very polite vampire say?A: Fang you very
much!
Q: What invitation did the female vampire give her new
boyfriend?A: Lets go out for a bite.
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a vampire?A:
Shampirewe!
Q: Why are vampires easily fooled?A: Because they are born
suckers from the beginning!
Q: Whats a vampires favourite animal?A: A giraffe!
Q: Whats red, packed with strawberries, and bites people in the
neck?A: A Jampire!
Q: Mummy, mummywhats a vampire?A: Be quiet and drink your blood
before it clots.
Q: Why did the vampire telephone the undertaker?A: To see if
there was any new take-away meals available!!
Q: How would a vampire manage with only one fang?A: Hed just
have to grin and bare it!!
Q: How do you friend a vampire on facebook?A: Send your name,
address, body sizes and type of blood!!!
Q: Why did the vampire fall in love with his neighbour?A:
Because she was the ghoul necks door!!
Q: What does the mailcarrier take to vampires?A: Fang mail!
Q: What did the vampire say to its new apprentice?A: We could do
with some new blood around here!
Q: What does a vampire take for a bad cold?A: Coffin drops!
Q: Can a toothless vampire still bite you?A: No, but it can
still give you a nasty suck!
Q: Whats a vampires favorite cartoon character?A: Batman!
Q: Why do vampires eat in homeless shelters?A: They can eat for
necks to nothing in them!
Q: Heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?A: He
went bats!
Q: Why are vampires sometimes go crazy?A: Because theyre often
go bats!
Q: Which flavor of ice cream is Draculas favorite?A: Vein-illa!
Of course!!
Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?A: The
worlds slowest vampire!
Q: Why are vampires always exhausted chasing after girls called
April?A: Because they need fly straight for the 31 days of
March.
Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?A: It wanted to play
squash!
Q: Whats a vampires favorite love pop song?A: Why Do I Ignore
the Girl Necks Door.
Q: What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?A: He
asked to make a withdrawal!
Q: What happened when the vampire went withdrawal from the blood
bank?A: There was a Bank run!
Q: What happen when the vampire started HFT account on Wall
Street?A: He crashed the markets to get himself a blood bath!
Q: How do vampire footballers get the dirt off?A: They all get
in the bat tub.
Q: What do vampire baseball players have at halftime?A: Blood
oranges.
Q: Why did the vampire keep acting batty?A: It was in his
blood.
Q: Why are vampire families so close?A: Because blood is thicker
than water.
Q: What do you call a vampire with no eyes?A: No eyedea.
Q: What did the vampire say after reading all these jokes?A:
They suck!
Monster Jokes
A monster list of scary and funny monster jokes for Halloween!Q:
What is big, yellow and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks?A: A
big, yellow, prickly three eyed rock eater!
Q:Why did the monster knit herself three socks?A:Because she
grew another foot!
Q: Green Monster: Where do fleas go in winter?A: Forgetful
Werewolf: Search me!
Q:What monster tree prowls the wild forest?A:Frankenpine!
Q:What monster never loses at games of chance?A:Draculuck!
Q:Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?A:His beautiful ghoul
friend!
Q:What did the grandfather monster say to his grandson when they
hadnt seen each other for quite awhile?A:You gruesome!
Q:What do monsters turn on in the summer time?A:The scare
conditioner!
Q:What is a monsters favorite snack food?A:Ghoul scout
cookies!
Q:How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?A:Replace his
nails with big screws!
Q:What kind of breakfast cereal do monsters
eat?A:Ghost-Toasties!
Q:Why didnt Dracula go to the barbecue?A:The hosts were making
steaks (stakes)!
Q:Whats wooly and has big long fangs?A:A Rampire!
Q:What kind of lock does Dracula have on his castle door?A:A
dead bolt lock!
Q:What did the critics all say about Frankensteins work of
art?A: What a monsterpiece!
Q:What kind of car does a elephant size monster drive?A:A
monster truck!
Q:What type of monster really loves dance music?A:The
boogieman!
Q:Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?A:NO, they eat the
fingers separately!
Q:Whats a monsters favorite bean?A:A juicy human bean!
Q:Why wasnt there any food left after the monster Halloween
party?A:Because everyone was a goblin!
Q:What do you do with a very green monster?A:Wait until it
ripens!
Q:Why are monsters covered in lots of wrinkles?A:Have you ever
tried to hot iron a monster!
Q:How do you keep an ugly monster in suspense?A:Ill tell you
tomorrow!
Q:Why are monsters forgetful?A: Because everything goes in one
ear and out of the three others!
Q:What is the best way to speak to a monster?A: From a long
distance away!
Q:How you can tell if you have had a food monster in your
fridge?A: It leaves footprints in the butter!
Q:How do you greet a three headed monster?A: Hello, hello,
hello!
Q:Why are monsters green?A: Because they didnt take their travel
sickness pills!
Q: What time is it when a monster sits on your car?A: Time to
buy a new one!
Q:Why are monsters forgetful?A: Because everything goes in one
head but not the other four!
Q:Whats a monsters favorite theatre play?A: Romeo and
Ghouliet!
Q:What position does a monster play on the full moon soccer
team?A: Ghoulie!
Q:What monsters hibernate all winter?A: The bearwolf!
Q: Who is the brightest monster of all?A: Frankenshine!
Q: What vampire is always eating junk food?A: Snackula!
Q: Why did the invisible man go on stage?A: To perform a
vanishing act!
Q: What does Dracula wear on his head when he flies?A: A batting
helmet!
Q: What is red small halloween monster has a pink spotted head,
sixteen hairy legs and four big eyes on finger like things?A: I
dont know either but there is one crawling up your back!
Q: What is the difference between a gaint smelly monster and a
sweet Halloween candy?A: People like Halloween sweets!
Q: Why did the dark monster eat a LED light bulb?A: Because he
was in need of a light snack!
Q:Why did Dracula run out of the Italian restaurant?A: The chef
put garlic on his pizza!
Q: What kind of horses do ghost ride?A: Night mares!
Q: What game do monsters play with ants?A: Squash!
Q: Did you hear about the monster who had eight arms?A: He said
they came in handy!
Q: What do you say when you meet a two headed monster?A: Hello,
hello!
Q: What kind of monster has the best hearing?A: The eeriest!
Q: What kind of hot dogs do monsters like best?A:
Hallowieners!
Q: What kind of clothing do monsters wear?A: Wash-and-scare
clothes!
Q: What do little monsters like to ride on at the amusement
park?A: The scary-go-round!
Q: What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfishs brain
in the body of his little dog?A: I dont know, but its great at
chasing submarines.
Q:What is a sea monsters favourite dish?A: Giant fish and moving
ships!
Q: Why did the the little eyed monster wear glasses?A: So he
didnt bump into other scarier monsters!
Q: What do you say when you meet a scary two headed monster?A:
Bye, Bye!
Q: What has a two eyes, two arms, two legs and yells on
Halloween?A: I dont know either but there is one asking for candy
at the front door!
Q: Why did the zombie knit herself four socks?A: Because after
she bites you her new family member will need a pair!
Q: Whats the name of the black book of socially prominent V.I.P
monsters?A: The Book of whos Boo.
Q: Why do big scary monsters wear glasses?A: So they can find
smaller monster to eat!
Q: What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and
Robin?A: Flatman and Ribbon!
Q: What kind of vampire does death defying somersaults?A: An
acrobat!
Q: Who is the messiest monster?A: Slopzilla!
Q:Where does Judge Dracula work?A: Night court!
Q: What kind of shoes do ghastly ghouls wear?A: Sneaky
sneakers!
Q: What do you call a twelve-year-old monster?A: A Jr. High
Ghoul Student!
Q: How does a pretty lady vampire flirt?A: She bats her long
eyelashes!
Q: Why did the werewolf go to bed early?A: He was dog-tired!
Q: What little monster chicken is very creepy?A: The Grim
Peeper!
Q: What does a little vampire call his parents?A: Mommy and
Batty!
Q: When does a monster steer start to howl?A: When a bull moon
rises!
Q: What huge scary Japanese monster is a rap singer?A: Godzilla
Ice!
Q: What vampire whines on a lot?A: Port Dracula!
Q:What did one ghoul say to the other?A: A friend in need is a
friend indeed!
Q: Why did Dr. Frankenstein go to the shopping mall?A: They were
having a monstrous sale!
Q: What is spooky and lives on the deep dark ocean floor?A: The
Frankenstein lobster!
Q: What is scary and hangs from large tree limbs?A:
Frankenvines!
Q: What do monsters like to eat with a sand-witch?A:
Ghoulslaw!
Q: Why did the vampires go into the cave?A: To hang out!
Q: How many parents does a werewolf have?A: One maw and four
paws!
Q: What did the mummy detective say?A: It is time to wrap up
this mystery!
Q: Why did Frankenstein go to the doctor?A: He felt a
littlestiff all over!
Q: What did the doctor say to his monster friend?A: Just be
frank around me!
Q:Why was the zombie happy to be in court?A: He was hoping the
judge would give him a new life sentence!
Q: Why is Frankenstein always laughing?A: His doctor keeps him
in stitches!
Q: What kind of street do monsters like to live on?A: A dead
end!
Q: What did Frankenstein say to his bride?A: I have been dying
to meet you!
Q: Why did the mummy get all sticky?A: He was wearing gum
wrappers!
Q: What do you get when Frankenstein pilots a fast plane?A: A
terror-flying experience!
Q: What do you call money given to a Frankenstein in exchange
for a favor?A: A monster bribe!
Q: Whats creepy and leads to the second floor of a haunted
house?A: Monstairs!
Q: Why didnt the kids let Dracula play in their baseball game?A:
He kept batting out of turn!
Q: How did the zombie buy his silver?A: In monster boxes!
Q:When is the best time to see a monster?A: When you look in the
mirror!
Q: What kind of monster eats candy?A: A candy monster!
Q: What kind of monster drinks green slime?A green slime
monster!
Q: When do monsters like to party?A: On Halloween night!
Q: Why was the monster feeling sick?A: It ate some
vegetables!
Q: What kind of juice does a monster like to drink?A: Brain
juice!
Q: Where do monster like to go hiking?A: Death valley!
Q: Where do monsters go swimming?A: In the dead sea!
Q: How do monsters like their eggs?A: Terror fried.
Q: What is a monsters favourite soda pop drink?A: Demonade.
Q:What do they have for lunch at Monster School?A: Human beans,
boiled brains, pickled kids and eyes-cream.
Q:Why did the green monster cross the road?A: To get to the
graveyard!
Q:What scary spooky monster can fly?A: One with wings!
Q:What kind of monster has two heads?A: A two headed
monster!
Q:How many monsters does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only
one light bulb changing monster!
Q:What did the mother say to the naughty boy?A: Your are a
little monster!
Q:When did the monster eat breakfast?A: Just after it caught a
cheetah!
Q:How do you get a pocket monster on to the bus?A:
POKE-hiM-ON!
Q:What is a monster classic dance song?A: The Monster mash!
Q:Why was the monster happy?A: It was always smiling!
Q:Why does the monster like jokes?A: Because being evil is hard
work!
Q:Why does the monster like to eat ice cream?A: Because when he
eats you. You just scream!