CHEMISTRY JOKES The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state. Q: What do you do with a dead chemist? A: Barium Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail? A: A silicon. Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"? A: H2O. Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond. Q: Why is a physics book always unhappy? A: Because it always has lots of problems. Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed. Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An Algorithm Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg! Q: How do 5 gay men walk? A: One Direction! Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
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CHEMISTRY JOKES
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Q: What do you do with a dead chemist? A: Barium
Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail? A: A silicon.
Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"? A: H2O.
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond.
Q: Why is a physics book always unhappy?
A: Because it always has lots of problems.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed. Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An Algorithm
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMg! Q: How do 5 gay men walk?
A: One Direction! Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: What happened to the plant in math class?
A: It grew square roots.
Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.
Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!
Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9 Q: What's the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band -- because it streches. Q: Name a bus you can never enter?
A: A syllabus Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?"
Student: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?"
Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?"
Simon: "No Mis."
Teacher: How can we keep the school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
Teacher: What is irony?
Student: "Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe."
Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
A: The Nucleus
Q: What comes down but never goes up?A: Rain , AgeQ: I’m tall when I’m young and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?A: A candleQ: Mary’s father has 5 daughters – Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the fifth daughters name?A: If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. It’s Mary!Q: How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?A: It can have a hole in it.Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!What color were the stairs?A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house!Q: What travels around the world but stays in one spot?A: A stamp!
Q: If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is it?A: A Secret.
Q: Take away my first letter, and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?A: EMPTYQ: What has hands but can not clap?A: A clockQ: What can you catch but not throw?A: A cold.Q: A house has 4 walls. All of the walls are facing south, and a bear is circling the house. What color is the bear?A: The house is on the north pole, so the bear is white.Q: What is at the end of a rainbow?A: The letter W!Q: What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?A: His breath!Q: What starts with the letter “t”, is filled with “t” and ends in “t”?A: A teapot!Q: What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?A: Silence.Q: A man was driving his truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. Up ahead, a woman was crossing the street. How did he see her?A: It was a bright and sunny day!Q: What kind of tree can you carry in your hand?A: A palm!Q: If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?A: There is no smoke, it’s an electric train!
Q: You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer?A: You draw a shorter line next to it, and it becomes the longer line.Q: How many months have 28 days?A: All 12 months!
Q: We see it once in a year, twice in a week, and never in a day. What is it?A: The letter “E”
Q: Mr. Blue lives in the blue house, Mr. Pink lives in the pink house, and Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. Who lives in the white house?A: The president!
Q: How do you make the number one disappear?A: Add the letter G and it’s “GONE”
Method 1 of 2: To Become Taller
1.
1Consume a balanced diet. A person will look a lot shorter when having a plump body. Not only
that, being fit by eating right will make you taller and feel better!
Eat plenty of lean protein. Lean protein, such as white poultry meat, fish, soy, and dairy,
helps promote muscle growth and healthy bones. Simple carbohydrates such as pizza, cakes,
sweets, and soda, are the stuff to stay away from.
Eat plenty of calcium. Calcium, found in leafy green vegetables such as spinach and kale,
and in dairy (yogurt and milk), helps promote healthy bones.[1]
Get enough zinc. Studies, although they have been inconclusive so far, point to a possible link
between zinc deficiencies and stunted growth in boys.[2] Good sources of zinc include oysters,
wheat germ, pumpkin and squash seeds, lamb, peanuts, and crab.[3]
Get enough vitamin D. Vitamin D promotes bone and muscle growth in children[4], and a
deficiency has been shown to stunt growth and cause weight gain in teenage girls.[5] Vitamin D
can be found in fish, alfalfa, or mushrooms commonly.
2Exercise throughout the teen years and in puberty to improve your height modestly. Do jumping exercises frequently, such as skipping. Be active. Get out and about and work your muscles for at least 30 minutes each day.
Join a gym. Joining a gym will help give you access to a lot of great exercising and
muscle-building machines. It will also keep you motivated to work out (you'll feel silly if
you're not exercising in the gym).
Join a sports team. People who join sports teams can use their natural
competitiveness to burn extra calories and hopefully get their bodies taller. The great
thing about team sports is that half the time, you don't even realize that you're
exercising.
If nothing else, walk around. If you can't find the time to do anything else, get up and
walk around. Walk to the grocery store. Walk to the library. Walk to school.
3Get adequate sleep each night. Sleeping is the time when your body grows, so having plenty of sleep is equivalent to giving your body more time for growth. Get between 9 and 11 hours of sleep per night if you're a preteen or still younger than 20.
The human growth hormone (HGH) is produced naturally in our bodies, especially during
deep or slow wave sleep.[6] Getting good, sound sleep will encourage the production of
6Expect to be in your twenties when you stop growing. A lot of young kids look at
themselves and ask, "Have I finished growing yet?" If you're under 18, the answer is probably
"No!"[12] If you haven't stopped puberty yet, then you haven't stopped growing.[13]Try to be
thankful that you have a little time to grow taller instead of worrying about how tall you will be.
Method 2 of 2: Exaggerating Your Height
1Have a good posture. Always stand straight instead of hunching your back. Spread out your shoulders slightly towards the back. Having a good posture will make you look much taller!
2Wear tighter clothes. Tighter clothes accentuate the lines of your body. If you wear baggy clothes, those lines disappear, making you look smaller. Wear tight clothes that make you feel good about yourself, however, not ones you're nervous about wearing or uncomfortable in.
3Show the best features of your body. If you have long legs, wear shorts or mini-skirts to highlight your legs. Try to avoid wearing leg warmers or leggings which will visually shorten your legs and make you look shorter.
4Wear dark colored clothes. Sometimes, looking taller is all about looking slimmer. If you're able to look slimmer, there's a good chance you'll also look taller. Colors like black, dark blue, and forest green can all contribute to looking both slimmer and taller, especially if you go dark on both the top and the bottom.
5Wear clothing with vertical stripes. It makes you look taller. Horizontal stripes do the opposite.
To get taller, stretch as far you can. Lay down on the floor and get a
massage. Massages relax your muscles, letting you get just a bit taller.
Don't diet if you haven't stopped growing. This can make you shorter.
Wear jeggings, yoga pants, leggings, or skinny jeans. Sweatpants and
loose jeans tend to make you look short.
Method 1 of 2: Making Yourself Appear Taller
1Go for medium or short hair. You may think that longer hair would make you look taller. But in fact, longer hair takes attention away from your neck and neckline, making you appear smaller. Instead, opt for short or medium length hair. These hairstyles will put the emphasis back on your neck; if you have a fairly tall neck, these hairstyles will be aces!
2Layer smartly. Layering your closes, believe it or not, can have an effect on how tall you look. Go for a v-neck over your tank top, for example, to elongate your chest and body. When you layer with dark colors, always put the dark color on the outside, as this is the color that people will remember.
Method 2 of 2: Getting Taller Naturally
1Adjust your posture. You may not realize the ways in which your posture is depriving you of height. A slight slumping of the shoulders, leaning forward of the head and neck, and habitually standing with your weight on one leg can all subtract from your height. Walk with a book on your head to train your body to keep your spine as erect as possible. Stand with your legs straight, and no further than hip width apart. Stick
your chin up a little. Not only will it add some extra height, but it'll also make you look more confident.
2Get more sleep. Did you know you only grow when you're asleep? Your body produces a hormone called HGH (or human growth hormone) while you sleep.[3] This hormone helps you develop muscle and actually grow taller. So if you're serious about getting taller, get serious about catching more Zs.
How much should you sleep? According to doctors:
School-age children should get between 10 and 11 hours of sleep.[4]
Teens and those just under 18 should get at least 9 to 10 hours of sleep.
3Eat right. A balanced diet filled with plenty of healthy nutrients will probably have an affect on how much you grow. That means staying away from the cakes, sodas, and pizzas and reaching for the salads, whole grains, and fish. If you're having trouble motivating yourself to eat these "yucky" foods, search for different recipes and look for combinations of food that you find naturally appealing.
Put lean protein into your diet. Lean protein includes white poultry meat (chicken breast),
fish, dairy, and soy products. Protein will help you gain muscle as well. A meal without protein
is a missed opportunity to get taller.
Put zinc into your body. Although the studies are far from conclusive, the scientific evidence
may point to a possible connection between zinc deficiencies and stunted growth.[5] That means
get your zinc or risk the possibility of stunting your growth.
Put calcium into your body. Again, there is little direct evidence between calcium and getting
taller, but calcium is an essential ingredient in helping you grow strong bones.[6] Strong bones
could mean taller bones.
Get enough vitamin D in your body. Vitamin D helps you grow stronger bones and promotes
muscle growth in children.[7] A deficiency of vitamin D has been linked to stunted growth and
even weight gain in teenage girls, a recent study has found.[8]
4Exercise. Whatever you do, take the time to exercise. Exercise is a powerful activity that can help you fight a long list of ailments. If you want to grow tall during your teen years especially, get in the habit of exercising your body. Exercising will force you to eat well, which is a staple of growing taller.
5Wait for time to make you taller. If you do all of the previous steps, there's a good chance that you've given your body the most you can give it to grow taller. Not everyone is going to be as tall as a basketball player or model. The flip side is that being tall isn't everything there is in life, and overcoming that physical and emotional hurdle might even help you in the long run.
Your growth plates fuse together at the end of puberty, which is when you stop growing.[1] When
you hit the end of puberty, you can by and large expect to stop growing.
Know that you can go through puberty and still not hit your growth spurt until the tail end of
puberty. Some people are "late bloomers" and only hit their big growth spurt when they turn 17,
18 or beyond.
If you are really concerned, see your pediatric endocrinologist. This doctor will be able to give
you valuable information about possible medical courses you may take in order to combat low
growth.
Tips
Keep your back straight and sleep as long as you can. You grow more when you're asleep. Just
wait for your growth spurt.
When sitting down try to keep your back straight.
Always maintain a good diet...life is short...no need to be worry about your height.
Don't stress about not being tall. Being tall isn't too important, just remember to always look your