Listening and Emotional Intelligence. It is moments of great disappointment that you find out who you really are. It is moments of great disappointment.

Listening and Emotional Listening and Emotional IntelligenceIntelligence

““Courage is what it takes to stand up and Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”down and listen.”

Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill

Communication ProcessCommunication Process

SenderSenderReceiverReceiverFeedbackFeedback InterferenceInterference

Channels of CommunicationChannels of Communication

Face-to-faceFace-to-faceTelephonicTelephonicEmail, text messaging, internetEmail, text messaging, internetMemos, lettersMemos, lettersFormal reportsFormal reports

Message Receiving ProcessMessage Receiving Process

ListeningListeningAnalyzingAnalyzingChecking understandingChecking understanding

ListenListen

From Webster’s DictionaryFrom Webster’s DictionaryTo pay attention to soundTo pay attention to soundTo hear with thoughtful attentionTo hear with thoughtful attentionTo be alert and catch an expected soundTo be alert and catch an expected sound

Types of ListeningTypes of Listening

ActiveActive ““listening with a purpose” (Barker, 1971)listening with a purpose” (Barker, 1971)

EmpathicEmpathicListening to understand the other personListening to understand the other person

Critical listeningCritical listeningTo determine accuracyTo determine accuracy

Listening for enjoymentListening for enjoyment

Active ListeningActive Listening

Make timeMake timeAct interested in speakerAct interested in speakerGood eye contactGood eye contactRepeat key phrasesRepeat key phrasesAsk questionsAsk questionsConcentrate on what is being saidConcentrate on what is being said

ListeningListening

Pay attentionPay attentionAvoid distractionsAvoid distractionsDo not assume or interruptDo not assume or interruptWatch nonverbal cluesWatch nonverbal cluesAsk questionsAsk questionsTake notesTake notesProvide feedbackProvide feedback

Ten Keys to Effective Ten Keys to Effective ListeningListening

KeysKeys Poor ListenerPoor Listener Good ListenerGood Listener1. Listen actively1. Listen actively Is passive, laid backIs passive, laid back Asks questions; Asks questions;

paraphrases what is paraphrases what is saidsaid

2. Find areas of 2. Find areas of interestinterest

Tunes out dry Tunes out dry subjectssubjects

Looks for Looks for opportunities, new opportunities, new learninglearning

3. Resist distractions3. Resist distractions Is easily distractedIs easily distracted Fights distractions; Fights distractions; tolerates bad habits; tolerates bad habits; knows how to knows how to concentrateconcentrate

4. Capitalize on the 4. Capitalize on the fact that thought is fact that thought is faster than speechfaster than speech

Tends to daydream Tends to daydream with slow speakerswith slow speakers

Challenges, Challenges, anticipates, anticipates, summarizes; listens summarizes; listens between lines to tone between lines to tone of voiceof voice

5. Be responsive5. Be responsive Is minimally involvedIs minimally involved Nods; shows interest, Nods; shows interest, positive feedbackpositive feedback

Keys Poor Listener Good Listener

6. Judge content, not delivery

Tunes out if delivery is poor

Judges content; skips over delivery errors

7. Hold one’s fire Has preconceptions; argues

Does not judge until comprehension is complete

8. Listen for ideas Listens for facts Listens to central themes

9. Work at listening No energy output; faked attention

Works hard; exhibits active body state, eye contact

10. Exercise one’s mind Resists difficult material in favor of light, recreational material

Uses heavier material as exercise for the mind

AnalyzingAnalyzing

Listen activelyListen activelyEvaluate message after listeningEvaluate message after listening

AnalyzingAnalyzing

From Webster’s DictionaryFrom Webster’s DictionaryTo study or determine the nature and To study or determine the nature and

relationship of the parts by analysisrelationship of the parts by analysis

Check UnderstandingCheck Understanding

ParaphraseParaphraseWatch nonverbal cuesWatch nonverbal cues

FeedbackFeedback

Repeat key phrases to show you Repeat key phrases to show you understand what is being saidunderstand what is being said

Irritating Listening HabitsIrritating Listening Habits Interrupting the speakerInterrupting the speaker Not looking at the speakerNot looking at the speaker Rushing the speakerRushing the speaker Showing interest in something elseShowing interest in something else Finishing the speaker’s thoughtsFinishing the speaker’s thoughts Not responding to requestsNot responding to requests Saying “Yes but…..”Saying “Yes but…..” Topping the speaker’s storyTopping the speaker’s story Forgetting what was askedForgetting what was asked Asking too many questionsAsking too many questions

The International Listening AssociationThe International Listening Association

Barriers to ListeningBarriers to Listening

EmotionsEmotionsToo technicalToo technicalToo much informationToo much informationPast experiencesPast experiencesBusy thinking about our answerBusy thinking about our answerAssumptionsAssumptionsOpinionsOpinions

Open Ended QuestionsOpen Ended Questions

Good tools for getting informationGood tools for getting informationCannot be answered with just a yes or noCannot be answered with just a yes or noSamplesSamples

Why do you say that?Why do you say that?How did you feel about what she said?How did you feel about what she said?How will you handle the situation?How will you handle the situation?Why do you think you reacted that way?Why do you think you reacted that way?

Body LanguageBody Language

Head noddingHead noddingLeaning forwardLeaning forwardRelaxed body postureRelaxed body postureFacial expressionsFacial expressionsEye contactEye contact

Emotional IntelligenceEmotional Intelligence

Daniel GolemanDaniel GolemanA person’s ability to perceived, identify, A person’s ability to perceived, identify,

understand and successfully manage understand and successfully manage emotions in self and others.emotions in self and others.

Costs to LeadersCosts to Leaders

Loss of followersLoss of followersConflict Conflict AbsenteeismAbsenteeismHealth costsHealth costsLawsuitsLawsuitsWorkplace violenceWorkplace violence

Elements of Emotional Elements of Emotional IntelligenceIntelligence- Kolp and Rea- Kolp and Rea

Self AwarenessSelf Awareness Accurate self-assessment of skill and emotionAccurate self-assessment of skill and emotion Self confidenceSelf confidence

Self ManagementSelf Management Self controlSelf control IntegrityIntegrity Adaptable to changeAdaptable to change InitiativeInitiative

Elements of Emotional Elements of Emotional IntelligenceIntelligence- Kolp and Rea- Kolp and Rea

Social AwarenessSocial Awareness Empathy and service orientation Empathy and service orientation Awareness of organization realitiesAwareness of organization realities

Social SkillsSocial Skills Leading changeLeading change Creation of shared vision and sense of teamCreation of shared vision and sense of team Communication and conflict resolutionCommunication and conflict resolution Relationship buildingRelationship building

Emotional FamiliesEmotional Families

AngerAngerSadnessSadnessFearFearEnjoyment Enjoyment LoveLoveSurpriseSurpriseDisgust Disgust ShameShame

Goleman on Salovey’s DefinitionGoleman on Salovey’s DefinitionComponents of Emotional IntelligenceComponents of Emotional Intelligence

Knowing one’s emotionsKnowing one’s emotionsManaging emotionsManaging emotionsMotivating oneselfMotivating oneselfRecognizing emotions in othersRecognizing emotions in othersHandling relationshipsHandling relationships

ReferencesReferences Richard L. Daft, Richard L. Daft, The Leadership ExperienceThe Leadership Experience, (Thomson Publishing, , (Thomson Publishing,

Ohio) p. 143Ohio) p. 143 Daniel Goleman, Daniel Goleman, Emotional IntelligenceEmotional Intelligence, , (Bantam International, New York) (Bantam International, New York) Robert Lussier and Christopher Achua, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) Robert Lussier and Christopher Achua, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio)

p. 204p. 204 Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, Becoming a Conflict Becoming a Conflict

Competent LeaderCompetent Leader, (Jossey Bass Publisher, California) p. 11-15, (Jossey Bass Publisher, California) p. 11-15 Barker, L.L. (1971) Barker, L.L. (1971) Listening BehaviorListening Behavior, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: , Englewood Cliffs, NJ:

Prentice-HallPrentice-Hall Robyn Walker, Robyn Walker, Strategic Business CommunicationStrategic Business Communication, Thomson , Thomson

Publishing, Ohio) pp. 198-201Publishing, Ohio) pp. 198-201 Alan Kolp and Peter Rea, Alan Kolp and Peter Rea, Leading with IntegrityLeading with Integrity, (Atomic Dog , (Atomic Dog

Publishing, Cincinnati) p. 199.Publishing, Cincinnati) p. 199. Webster DictionaryWebster Dictionary The International Listening AssociationThe International Listening Association