Life Positions
Nov 13, 2014
Life Positions
Days of decision1. Before children are eight
years old, they develop a concept about their worth and worth of others.
2. These are children’s days of decision. The days of decision lead a person to take psychological positions.
3. The psychological positions taken about oneself and about others fit into four basic patterns.
Life position
Life positions are
basic beliefs about
self and others,
which are used to
justify decisions
and behavior.
Life position• Life position, which was
originally described by Eric Berne (1962/1976) in an article entitled "Classification of Positions."
• He delineated four life positions: "I'm OK, You're OK" (I+U+) – Good Life position; "I'm not-OK, You're OK" (I-U+) – Depressive position; "I'm OK, You're not-OK" (I+U-) – Paranoid position; and "I'm not-OK, You're not-OK" (IU-) – Futile position.
I am OK, You are OK• It is potentially a mentally
healthy position.• If realistic, People with this
position about themselves and others can solve their problems constructively.
• Their expectations are likely to be valid.
• They accept the significance of other people.
I am OK, You are not OK• It is a position of persons
who feel victimized or persecuted, so victimize and persecute others.
• They blame others for their miseries.
• Delinquents and criminals often have this position and taken on paranoid behavior which in extreme cases may lead to homicide.
I am not OK, You are OK
• It is a common position of persons who feel powerless when they compare themselves to others.
• This position leads them to withdraw, to experience depression, and in severe cases, to become suicidal.
I am not OK, You are not OK
• It is the position of those
who lose interest in
living, who exhibit
schizoid behavior, and
who is extreme cases,
commit suicide or
homicide.
Life position• Once a position is taken, the
person seeks to keep his or her
world predictable by
reinforcing it.
• It becomes a life position from
which games are played and
scripts acted out.
• "Every game, script, and
destiny then, is based on one
of these four basic positions”.
How often does life position change?
OK Corral
• According to Franklin Ernst who
developed OK corral, Each of us
arrives in adulthood having written
a script based on one of the four
life positions.
• But we don't stay in that position
every hour of the day. Minute by
minute, we shift between
positions.
OK Corral• Ernst showed that people
can behave in an I+U- position at home, then go to work and be I-U+ with the boss, and later that evening be I+U+ with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Woollams and Brown said that what Ernst was describing should be viewed as "feeling states" .
OK Mix• Although we might all have a basic
life position, I believe that our positions and behaviours are quite complex and can be different depending on circumstances and sometimes change moment to moment.
• This is what Anita Mountain (2009) calls the OK mix “That is the dynamic interplay between any group of people moment to moment.
• All our transactions can be seen as invitations to other people to join us in our current (behavioural or existential) position.”
Surface life position
A surface life position is
temporary and changes
many times each day. It
may be reflected in the
types of ego states or
transactions that we use.
Character Life position
• According to Berne’s original
conceptualization, One cannot
change one's total life destiny
rapidly.
• Woollams and Brown's concept
of life position is that life
positions are fairly permanent
and do not change easily.
Character Life position• The character life position will
influence the amount of time and the ease with which one adopts a certain position at the surface level.
• For example, someone who is I-U+ at the character level will tend to use that most often at the surface level, particularly under stress.
• However, "allowers," "permissions," and the requirements of various daily situations lead each of us to use all the life positions in our daily lives.
Life position• Berne talked about the life
positions as existential positions, one of which we are more likely to go to under stress.
• This is significantly different to the concept Ernst uses, i.e. that we move around them all during the day.
• It seems that Berne was talking about a character level idea, and Ernst was talking about a surface-level, minute-by-minute concept.
Changing Life position• One way to influence one's
character life position is by doing things differently in everyday life.
• For instance, if one's character position is I-U+ one can make a social contract to engage in I+U+ behaviour and transactions at work.
• If one persists with this new surface-level behavior, the Child ego state will slowly begin to alter its character position to one that is more I+U+.
Blame model
• The Transactional Analysis 'Okay Corral' can be linked to 'blame model ', for which Jim Davis TSTA developed this simple and helpful model.
• Commonly when emotions are triggered people adopt one of three attitudes relating to blame, which each correlate to a position on the Okay Corral.
Blame model
• I'm to blame (You are okay and I'm not okay - 'helpless')
• You are to blame (I'm okay and you are not okay - 'angry')
• We are both to blame (I'm not okay and you are not okay - 'hopeless')
Three handed position• I+ You+ They+ : Democratic
community position.• I+ You + They - : Gang
positions – who needs them. • I+ You - They + : Agitator or
malcontent – you people are not good compared to those there.
• I+ You-They- : Solitary righteous self critic.
• I-You+ They+ : The is a self punishing saint or masochist. “ I am the most unworthy person in the world”
Three handed position
• I- You+ They- : Servile position “ I abase myself and you reward me well not like those inferior fellows”
• I- You-They+ : Servile envy “ I hate us because we are not as well off”
• I- You- They- : Pessimistic position , believes in predestination and original sin. “we are none of us any good any where”.
• I+ You+ They? – Evangelistic position . I and you are ok but we don’t know about them until they show their credentials or come to our side.
• I+ You? They- : Aristocratic , Most other people are not good, but as if you, i will wait until i see your credentials.
3 Dimensional Okness
• It was proposed by Anita Mountain.
• If we consider the third dimension of THEY, then the social interaction of groups, families, organisations and teams becomes open to analysis.
• In 3 dimensional Okness suddenly there are eight positions rather than the traditional four.
3 Dimensional Okness
What is okayness?
Okayness
• Stewart and Jones (1987)
seemed to define the degree
of OKness a person feels as
the "essential value" (that
one perceives in oneself and
others.
• This implies that it is more
than just behaviour.
Okayness• Steiner (1974) gave a more
philosophical definition of OKness. • He said that Berne had a conviction
and "'faith in human nature“ about the OKness of people.
• As a result, we all are OK, even those who commit the most heinous deeds.
• Such individuals are not responsible for their genes or early backgrounds and thus are OK, even though their behavior is not.
Okayness
• For his part, Novey sees OKness
as meaning "I am an acceptable
human being, with the right to
live and meet my needs, and you
are an acceptable human being
with the right to live and get
your needs met.“
• For him, "rights" and
"acceptability" are used in
defining OKness.
Okayness
• Harris and Harris (1985) saw
OKness almost as a comparison
of following between a child and
his or her parents:
– Strength
– Power and
– Dependency
Planetary Okayness
• Another aspect of life positions is
taken up by Pearl Drego (2008).• He talked about the environmental
crisis affecting the earth as “scripty and suicidal”. It is a position of the extreme antisocial (I+ U-T-) or hopelessness (I-U- T-).
• Issues such as climate change, water shortages, marine pollution etc. are all global problems – that can overwhelm us with their scale and complexity.
Planetary Okayness
• It is at the small group level that
we can create and maintain
healthy life positions including
other groups, nations and
importantly future generations.
• Then maybe we can step back
from the hopelessly suicidal and
antisocially homicidal positions.
Which comes first – Decision or life position?
Decision or life position?
• Eric Berne – Early
decisions come first
and then life position
is adopted to justify it.
• Claude Steiner – Life
position is adopted
much earlier.
What is the life position of a new born?
New born - I am OK and You are OK
• When we are conceived we are hopefully
at peace, waiting to emerge into the
world once we have grown sufficiently to
be able to survive in the outside of the
womb.
• If nothing untoward happens we will
emerge contented and relaxed.
• In this case we are likely to perceive the
world from the perspective of I am OK
and You are OK.
New born - I am not OK and You are not OK
• Perhaps our mother had some traumatic experiences, or the birth was difficult or even life threatening.
• This experience is likely to have an effect on the way we experience the world, even at the somatic level.
• In which case we might emerge sensing that life is scary and might, for example, go into "I am not OK and You are not OK either".
New born - I am not OK and You are OK
• Let's take it that the pregnancy went fine, and the birth was easy enough. What then?
• Well life experiences might reinforce our initial somatic level life position, or contradict it.
• If we were treated punitively, talked down to, and not held, we may begin to believe "I am not OK and You are OK". This might be the only sense we can make of our experiences.
• For the child, adults are giants who make it feel not ok.
Is the life position I+U- genuine?
I+U-
• It is generally understood that for someone
to believe that another person is not-OK,
they must at some level believe that they
themselves are not-OK.
• For example, Stewart and Joines (1987, p.
123) said "that I+U- is often a defence
against I-U+."
• Tony White said that the "I'm OK, You're not-
OK" position be described as "I'm not-OK,
but You're worse" (I-,U--).
Is I+U+ the best life position?
True winner position• How effectively assertive - state
their needs and wants in contradiction to another person's needs.
• Tony White - "I'm a Bit More OK Than You Are" (I++U+).
• The I+U+ individual differs from the I++U+ person in that the latter enjoys the niceties of life if he or she can afford them. At the same time, the I++U+ person sees others as OK so he or she is not greedy or exploitative.
Development• From a developmental point of
view, children start in the I+U? position.
• If given total permission, they will either stay as I+U? or more likely move to I-U--.
• If, instead, they are given the correct quota of positive conditional and unconditional strokes, as well as negative conditional strokes, then they will end up in either I+U+ or I++U+.
Seven life positions – Tony White
1. "I'm OK, You're Irrelevant" (I+U?)
2. "I'm not-OK, You're Irrelevant" (I-U?)
3. "I'm not-OK, You're not-OK" (I-U-)
4. "I'm not-OK, But You're Worse" (I-U--)
5. "I'm a Bit More OK Than You Are" (I++U+)
6. "I'm OK, You're OK" (I+U+)
7. "I'm not-OK, You're OK" (I-U+)
"I'm OK, You're Irrelevant" (I+U?)
• Position at birth
• No sense of boundaries between
self and others
• Animistic thinking
• Narcissistic personality
• Ideas of reference
• Dependent personality
• Normal stage of development.
"I'm OK, You're Irrelevant" (I+U?)
• The newborn from birth to 12 months feels omnipotent.
• The infant sees mother/caretaker and self as having a common boundary and does not perceive himself or herself as being a separate entity.
• The infant is in a state of twilight existence in which he or she does not seem to know where he or she begins and where the other leaves off.
• It is only after achieving this strong attachment in the first 12 months that the baby spends the next 24 months endeavouring to become a separate individual.
"I'm not-OK, You're Irrelevant" (I-U?)
• Similar to the I+U? position.• In this case, however, the person
decides he or she is not-OK. • This position develops from the
I+U? position as soon as the young child is confronted with parenting that is sufficiently adverse to cause the child to decide that he or she is not-OK.
• Logically, as soon as one develops a sense of others' OKness, then the positions of I+U? and I-U? can no longer be maintained.
"I'm not-OK, You're not-OK" (I-U-)• Similar to prior descriptions in that it
is a "Get-nowhere-with" position. • Such individuals, however, have a
sense of self and of their boundaries. • As a result, this group does not
include those abnormal states in which there are boundary problems.
• This position develops from the IU? position when the child is allowed to form a sense of self. Often the schizoid personality falls into this life position.
"I'm not-OK, But You're Worse" (I-U--)• This position was previously referred
to as the I+U- life position. • Although at the behavioural level
I+U- seems to be the correct description for such individuals, it fails to indicate that they have their own feelings of not-OKness and view others as being less OK to convince themselves that they are OK.
• Therapeutically it is more effective to diagnose such a person as IU-- because this designation confronts the denial strategy used by him or her.
"I'm a Bit More OK Than You Are" (I++U+)• The winner or autonomy
position, previously described as the I+U+ position.
• In normal development this position naturally follows from the previous I+U? position, roughly around the age of four (depending on the theory of child development to which one subscribes).
"I'm OK, You're OK" (I+U+)• This position does not define
the individuals who will cope best or most effectively in life.
• Rather, people in this position will tend to be too accommodating to others' needs, thus manifesting qualities similar to those found in the I-U+ position.
• However, the I+U+ individual is not a self-hater as is the I-U+ person.
"I'm not-OK, You're OK" (I-U+)
• Similar to previous
ideas about this
position.
• The depressive
position of "Get-
away from."
OK modes model
• This model shows how we communicate or behave with others. It consists of ten Modes with a central Mindful Process.
• When we come from the green Modes we invite a positive response, and when we communicate from a red Mode, we invite a response from one of the red Modes.
OK modes model
• The central circle element, upon which the full model is built, is in itself a representation of effective communication.
• When we are in the one of the four effective Modes shown around the circle we are responsive to the present situation.
OK modes model
• Generally when something is said from an effective Mode the response from the other person is also likely to be from an effective Mode.
• Equally, where a communication comes from an ineffective Mode, the invitation is for the other person to respond from one of the ineffective Modes.
OK modes model
Effective Modes Ineffective Modes
Structuring Criticizing
Inconsistent
Supporting Interfering
Co-creating Over-adapted
Oppositional
Playful Reckless
Mindful Process
• Not a Mode, this is a requirement or condition enabling effective Modes to be accessed/used.
• When we are operating mindfully, we communicate 'OK to OK' messages.
• We operate appropriately in the here-and-now and have access to the positive aspects of the care and structure we have received in the past and the experiences we had in childhood.
Effective Modes• Structuring Mode - This is the
boundary setting Mode, offering constructive criticism. In this Mode we are caring whilst firm.
• Supporting Mode - When in this Mode we are affirming and considerate.
• Co-creating Mode - From this Mode we develop ways to help us live and work with others.
• Playful Mode - This is the creative, fun loving, curious and energetic Mode. We can confront people playfully as a way of dealing with a difficult situation.
Ineffective Modes• Criticizing Mode - communicates a
"You're not OK" message. When in this Mode you will believe that others cannot do things as well as you can, or perhaps only certain chosen people can.
• Inconsistent Mode - As a leader we might be inconsistent in our style - changing our behavior in unpredictable and apparently random ways. This is not helpful for followers (or leaders).
• Interfering Mode - communicates a "You're not OK" message. When in this Mode the person will often do things for others which they are capable of doing for themselves. People who find it difficult to delegate might
Ineffective Modes• Over-adapted Mode - This expresses an "I'm
not OK" or "I'm not OK and You're Not OK" message. When in this Mode we over-adapt to others and tend to experience such emotions as depression or unrealistic fear and anxiety.
• Oppositional Mode - Even when opposing others, we are not actually free to think for ourselves as we are reacting to them in the belief that we need to 'resist' them.
• Reckless Mode - In this Mode we run wild with no boundaries. Here we express a "You're not OK" message. At work we tend not to take responsibility for our actions and are unlikely to progress as we need a great deal of management in order to focus our energy and keep boundaries.
Prepared by
Manu Melwin JoyResearch Scholar
SMS, CUSAT, KeralaPhone – 9744551114
Mail – [email protected]