How To Get Along With Others

How To Get Along With OthersHow To Get Along With Others

Mark 8:34-10:31Mark 8:34-10:31

1-24-101-24-10

Tonto and the Lone Ranger were riding through a canyon together when all of a sudden both sides were filled with Native American warriors on horses, dressed for battle. The

Lone Rangers asks,

"What are we going to do

Tonto?"

What do you mean we, white

man!

Hell...is other people! Hell...is other people! Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher

It is clear that some people are more offensive It is clear that some people are more offensive than others. It seems that either they don’t care or than others. It seems that either they don’t care or they don’t know what they are doing. they don’t know what they are doing.

We are all human and human and therefore have We are all human and human and therefore have basic emotional needs that can be transgressed by basic emotional needs that can be transgressed by other human beings.other human beings. Harsh truth of lifeHarsh truth of life: You can’t please everybody. : You can’t please everybody. But since people are social creatures (unless But since people are social creatures (unless you’re a total scrooge), you just have to learn how you’re a total scrooge), you just have to learn how to get along. to get along.

Where we are now.Where we are now.

• As a society have we lost our manners As a society have we lost our manners and put our own ego above the feelings and put our own ego above the feelings and concerns of others?and concerns of others?

• Courtesy, respect, and dignity are Courtesy, respect, and dignity are timeless Christian values we should timeless Christian values we should cultivate in our lives and in the cultivate in our lives and in the interactions we have with others.interactions we have with others.

Why This Is ImportantWhy This Is Important• Good relationships make life more Good relationships make life more

pleasant and are more productive.pleasant and are more productive.

• It is easy to learn basic skills and theory It is easy to learn basic skills and theory but much harder to learn the grownup, but much harder to learn the grownup, adult task, of learning to get along with adult task, of learning to get along with others.others.

• ‘In everything do to others as you would have them do to you.’ The Bible. Matthew 7:12 (Luke 6:31)

• The Golden rule The Golden rule is about love for our neighbor.is about love for our neighbor.

Even Christians can be cantankerous Even Christians can be cantankerous (sermon by Eugene Peterson, (sermon by Eugene Peterson, Keep Believing Keep Believing

MinistriesMinistries))

How do you get along with cantankerous How do you get along with cantankerous Christians? The answer is, it’s not easy. Christians? The answer is, it’s not easy. Cantankerous Christians are both different and Cantankerous Christians are both different and difficult to live with. The problem is simply that difficult to live with. The problem is simply that people are different….there is a surprising diversity people are different….there is a surprising diversity in the congregation. We are old and young, wealthy in the congregation. We are old and young, wealthy and not-so-wealthy, from Chicago and from distant and not-so-wealthy, from Chicago and from distant states and other nations, from different church states and other nations, from different church backgrounds, and embracing a variety of views on backgrounds, and embracing a variety of views on the issues of the day. Like Baskin Robbins, our the issues of the day. Like Baskin Robbins, our church members come in at least 32 flavors—and church members come in at least 32 flavors—and the flavors change weekly.the flavors change weekly.

Getting along with cantankerous Getting along with cantankerous Christians Christians (sermon by Eugene Peterson)(sermon by Eugene Peterson)

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Getting along in God’s kingdomGetting along in God’s kingdom

One of the key traits God desires in his children is the ability to live in community with other believers within God’s kingdom and in harmony with people outside God’s kingdom. Relationships are central to God’s kingdom, so that even greatness in the kingdom is measured in terms of service to others.

We are admonished to get alongWe are admonished to get along

• In everything do to others as you would have them do to you. (Matthew 7:12)

• Forgive, if you have anything against anyone. (Mark 11:25)• Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a

neighbor. (Romans 13:9,10) • He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord

require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness. (Micah 6:8) • And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I

have loved you, so you must love one another. If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples. (John 13:34,35)

• Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse; but, on the contrary, repay with a blessing. It is for this that you were called - that you might inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:8-9)

Basic Emotional NeedsBasic Emotional NeedsWe all have basic emotional needs. To feel happy our needs have to be met.

Emotional needs include: Emotional needs include:

1. The need for safety and security 2. The need to give and receive attention 3. The need for a sense of status 4. The need for purpose and goals 5. The need for physical wellbeing 6. The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves

community, ideals, beliefs etc. 7. The need for intimacy 8. The need to be stimulated and stretched (but not stressed) 9. The need for a sense of control.

Show others you care Show others you care (Mark 9:33-37)(Mark 9:33-37)

• Jesus became aware that the disciplines were arguing (over who was the greatest among them).

• Jesus “sat down,” which was the sign of a rabbinic teaching moment and called the Twelve to himself.

• Jesus’ corrective to the disciples’ argument was the principle that the “first,” or most important in the kingdom, was the one who was “last,” or the servant of all.

• Life in God’s kingdom focused on serving others, not being served.

Jesus even placed Jesus even placed importance on serving importance on serving childrenchildren

• Jesus said in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” So Jesus explained his ministry on earth and especially his passion on the cross as service to mankind.

• It soon would be evident to the disciples that Jesus had established a standard of kingdom service no one ever could surpass.

• Jesus’ followers would be inspired by his selfless service to serve and care for others.

• Jesus took a child and declared that welcoming a child was indicative of the type of service Jesus sought.

Jesus welcomed children. This was a new approach in a society where children were usually treated as second-class citizens.

Sacrifice for others’ sake Sacrifice for others’ sake (Mark 9:42-43, 47-48)(Mark 9:42-43, 47-48)

Wielding proper influence is an important factor in God’s Kingdom. Likewise, wrongful influence strongly is condemned.

The term “little ones” refers to the same people as the word “child” in verse 36 and “children” in verse 37. These people are weak, immature and also could refer by extension to new believers. To cause these to sin would expose one to serious judgment.

The point is that God’s followers should be leading people away from sin, not into sin.

Those who are young or new to Christ’s kingdom have no defenses against an apparent brother or sister in Christ who should be trusted, but in fact is teaching them how to mix sin with their new faith.

How To Get Along With Others . . How To Get Along With Others . . Multiply Humility. 9:33-37Multiply Humility. 9:33-37

A.   Multiply Humility; Do Not Seek To Be . . Placing Yourself In Prominence. 9:33-35

       33 Then they came to Capernaum. When He was in the house, He asked them, "What were you arguing

       about on the way?" 34 But they were silent, because on the way they had been arguing with one another

       about who was the greatest. 35 Sitting down, He called the Twelve and said to them, "If anyone wants to

       be first, he must be last of all and servant of all."         B.   Multiply Humility; Seek To . . Project Others Into Prominence. 9:36-37

36 Then He took a child, had him stand among them, and taking him in His arms, He said to them,

       37 "Whoever welcomes one little child such as this in My name welcomes Me. And whoever welcomes

       Me does not welcome Me, but Him who sent Me."  

How To Get Along With Others; How To Get Along With Others; Magnify All Who Proclaim Jesus. Magnify All Who Proclaim Jesus.

9:38-439:38-43A.   Magnify Jesus With Those Who . Speak Well Of Jesus. 9:38-39            38 John said to Him, "Teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in Your

name, and we tried to stop  him because he wasn't following us." 39 "Don't stop him," said Jesus, "because there is no one who will

       perform a miracle in My name who can soon afterwards speak evil of Me. B.   Magnify Jesus With Those Who . . Serve In The Name Of Jesus. 9:40-41

40 For whoever is not against us is for us. 41 And whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because of My  name, since you belong to the Messiah — I assure you: He will never lose his reward.

 C    Magnify Jesus With Those Who . Share An Emphasis Of Influence For Jesus.

9:42-43       42 "But whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me —

it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. 43 And if your hand

       causes your downfall, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than to have two hands and go to hell — the unquenchable fire,

  See Others as CoworkersSee Others as Coworkers

How To Get Along With Others . . How To Get Along With Others . . Magnify All Who Proclaim Jesus. Magnify All Who Proclaim Jesus.

9:38-439:38-43

• If others speak well of Jesus and try to minister in His name, we should applaud them and try to work with them.

• Don’t compromise doctrine in order to have fellowship with someone of a different belief BUT if they speak well of Jesus and the way of salvation, they are brothers in Christ.

• Respect persons of different doctrine on lesser matters, but do not compromise about salvation.

• Reward from Jesus comes from a proper exultation of His name.

How To Get Along With Others . . How To Get Along With Others . . Manage Your Influence For Jesus. Manage Your Influence For Jesus.

9:47-509:47-50A.  Manage Your Influence For Jesus . . Sacrifice Personal Allurements. 9:47

        47 And if your eye causes your downfall, gouge it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with        one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell,  B.   Manage Your Influence For Jesus . . Seek The Salt Jesus Gives. 9:48-50

48 where Their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched. 49 For everyone will be salted with fire. 50 Salt is good, but if the salt should lose its flavor, how can you make it salty? Have salt among yourselves and be at peace with one another." HCSB

Season others’ lives Season others’ lives (Mark 9:49-50)(Mark 9:49-50)

In verses 43 and 48, fire is a symbol of punishment. But in verse

49, the purifying aspect of fire is in view. So Jesus’ followers will be

“salted” with fire, purified from sin and unrighteousness so that they will

not be consumed by the deadly fires of punishment.

In turn Christ’s followers are to become salt in other people’s lives.

The preservative quality of salt is in view in verse 50. Believers are to

serve others in such a way that their lives are preserved, or in other

words, nonbelievers are to be led into Christ’s kingdom.

The salt of ancient Israel was extracted from the waters of the Dead Sea by

blockading the shallow south end and harvesting the salt left behind after the

water had evaporated. The substance left behind was not pure salt, however. The

impurities in the salt, combined with humidity, would eventually leach the salt out

of the salt compound. Thus salt could lose its taste. This trait of salt presented a

rich image to Jesus who warned about the dangers of his followers losing

their effectiveness (or saltiness). Christ’s people are meant to be effective in

their service, but if they lose their effectiveness, what good are they to

Christ’s kingdom? The corrective then was for Christ’s followers to be ever

aware of their effectiveness in service in Christ’s kingdom.

8 Ways to Improve Your People 8 Ways to Improve Your People SkillsSkills

Interpersonal skills are critical at work, in the home, at church and around your neighborhood. Practice these time-honored and battle-tested skills to improve your effectiveness as you minister to the adults in your church family.Interpersonal skills effect your witness.

From “Management by Proverbs,” by Michael Zigarelli

1.1. Don’t complainDon’t complainPeople tend to react People tend to react negatively to toxic talk. negatively to toxic talk. Instead, offer potential Instead, offer potential solutions when you solutions when you identify problems. Or, identify problems. Or, say nothing at all.say nothing at all.

"Do everything without grumbling and arguing." Phil 2:14 (HCSB)

Smiling (Show Smiling (Show

optimism) optimism)

Does your expression tell the world to leave you alone or that you’re friendly and approachable? Practice smiling and watch how others respond.

Perhaps the easiest way to introduce yourself, smiling is part of us being human. There’s a great reason why it takes less muscles to smile than to frown. Nature just intended us to smile more.

"Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men." Eph. 6:7 (HCSB)

Smiling (Show optimism) Smiling (Show optimism) • People like to be People like to be

around others who are around others who are optimistic and who can optimistic and who can laugh and smile.laugh and smile.

• Becoming one of those Becoming one of those persons will make you persons will make you more attractive as a more attractive as a friend, family member, friend, family member, colleague, and colleague, and professional.professional.

Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen! Listen!

Anyone can talk but few can listen. Really listen. Learn to become a good listener. Few people are.

1. Listen closely and actively2. Don’t rush to make your own statement.

3. Make an effort to look into the eyes of the person who is talking and really listen to everything that’s being said to you. 4. Concentrate on the person’s words rather than your response.

5. If there is the potential for disagreement or misunderstanding, paraphrase what you think was said.

6. Be patient and briefly summarize his or her concerns, points, or ramblings before you share your opinion.

"A wise man will listen and increase his learning, and a discerning man will obtain guidance." Prov. 1:5 (HCSB)

Try to say one nice thing Try to say one nice thing to someone every dayto someone every day

4. Praise othersPraise their work, complement their taste in clothing or home, or just offer a warm smile that says: you are important!

Acknowledge when people are working hard, doing a great job, and contributing. Express that who they are and what they do has genuine value. Practice this with your spouse, employees, friends, pastor, and the adults you lead. Be an encourager and an affirmer.

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…" 1 Thess 5:11a (HCSB)

When you benefit from someone’s effort or work let them know that you appreciate it.

Make a habit of expressing gratitude to the people around you.

"Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:18 (HCSB)

6. Talk about others’ interestsRather than hoping for opportunities to tell people how great you are, set yourself aside and become interested in those around you. People love to talk about their interests, so give them the opportunity to do so.

"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth - a stranger, and not your own lips." Prov. 27:2

We find creative ways to hide the fact that we’ve forgotten names. Dale Carnegie said, "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." Do whatever it takes to make that sweet sound. You will make them feel special and memorable."Your name is perfume poured out…" Song 1:3 (HCSB)

Words are powerful, but more treasured than words are a sincere sacrifice of time or money on your part. So get in the habit of identifying and meeting people’s needs and putting them ahead of your own.

"No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 (HCSB)

Other good Other good adviceadvice

Greet people: Greet people. A warm “hello” never does people harm. It also gives people the impression that you’re open and approachable.

Share: Be it some mint in your pocket or a bag of chips, ask people would want some if followed by a handing gesture.

Lend a helping hand: Simple gestures like helping people carry a load or holding a door for them, go a long way.

Respect others: The world’s full of differences. However, prejudice is so last century. So learn to acknowledge people’s uniqueness and respect them. It’s the only way other people with tolerate your own unique person.

10 Don’ts in getting along10 Don’ts in getting along

1. Don’t be so touchy2. Don’t loose your temper3. Don’t be annoying4. Don’t gossip5. Don’t be arrogant or demean others6. Don’t make promises you cant keep7. Don’t burden others with your problems8. Don’t put other people down9. Don’t show disrespect: everyone is entitled to their

opinion10. Don’t use humor at the cost of another’s feelings

The Golden ruleThe Golden rule

Simply let your ‘Yes’ Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.”‘No,’ ‘No.”

– Matt 5:37Matt 5:37

Example: If you Example: If you want others to keep want others to keep their commitments their commitments to you, keep your to you, keep your commitments to commitments to them.them.

Live a Spirit Filled LifeLive a Spirit Filled Life

• In the New Testament the Greek noun koinonia simply means 'sharing', and is translated variously as 'communion', 'communication', 'community', 'fellowship', 'partaking', 'contribution', etc.

• Fellowship' in New Testament usage is the sharing of something with others in a community, not merely the act of associating with them.

• The outpoured Spirit had created a community that broke through the barriers of language, culture, race, sex - even possessions (see Acts 2:42, 4:32, 35, Galatians 3:28, Colossians 3:11).

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away

and have his shoes.”

Steve Martin,Comedian

CriticismCriticism

• Avoid criticism of other people. Learning to communicate your concerns, or point of view, is important but criticism of others only blunts the edge of your message.

• It causes the other person to turn a deaf ear to your message regardless of how vital it might be.

CriticismCriticism

I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.good I know of everybody.

Ben FranklinBen Franklin

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.complain – and most fools do.

Dale CarnegieDale Carnegie

Feeling ImportantFeeling ImportantEveryone has a

need to feel important.

Putting your own ego aside as you recognize this need in others will improve your relationships.

Worry less about who gets the credit.

Who’s Idea Was It?Who’s Idea Was It?

Instead of insisting on your idea let the Instead of insisting on your idea let the other person think it was their idea in other person think it was their idea in the first place.the first place.

Who gets the credit?Who gets the credit?

• There is no end to the good that you There is no end to the good that you can do if you do not care who gets the can do if you do not care who gets the credit.credit.

Learn the Interest of OthersLearn the Interest of OthersTalk in terms of the interest of others rather Talk in terms of the interest of others rather than your own.than your own.This is particularly important for those with This is particularly important for those with whom you interact with frequently.whom you interact with frequently.Most people talk about themselves, and their Most people talk about themselves, and their interest, much more than they do the interest of interest, much more than they do the interest of those around them. those around them. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine interest in other people.interest in other people.Every person is unique, interesting, and has Every person is unique, interesting, and has their own fascination. Start looking for those their own fascination. Start looking for those features in everyone you meet.features in everyone you meet.

Learn the value of others.Learn the value of others.

Once we have determined the value of Once we have determined the value of others it is easy for us to genuinely others it is easy for us to genuinely convey the message that they are convey the message that they are important.important.

Look for the positive in a person rather Look for the positive in a person rather than the negative.than the negative.

I Don’t I Don’t Mean to Mean to Gossip, Gossip, But…But…

1948 Cover of the Saturday Evening Post

Avoid:Avoid:

Being a gossip Being a gossip yourself.yourself.

Listening to it.Listening to it.

Gossip is often wrong Gossip is often wrong and always harmful to and always harmful to

all involved.all involved.

Avoid GossipAvoid Gossip

Avoid:Avoid:

• Being a gossip Being a gossip yourself.yourself.

• Listening to it.Listening to it.

Gossip is often wrong Gossip is often wrong and always harmful and always harmful to all involved.to all involved.

Do not argue.Do not argue.

• You can not win an argument. • The only way to get the best of an

argument is to avoid it.• Even if you “win” the argument you have

probably not really convinced the other person. Do not overestimate your ability in this area. Most people convince themselves in their own good time.

Instead, Appeal Instead, Appeal to Noble Motivesto Noble Motives

In your persuasive efforts appeal to the nobler motives of the person instead of arguing over what might be their base motivations.

Learn to begin your interactions in a friendly way.Learn to begin your interactions in a friendly way.

When you are When you are wrong…wrong…

• admit it.admit it.

It will usually surprise others because so It will usually surprise others because so few do it.few do it.

Admit your mistakes with grace and Admit your mistakes with grace and courage, do not grovel, and then go on to courage, do not grovel, and then go on to do better.do better.

Getting to yes.Getting to yes.

Find a point of agreement between the Find a point of agreement between the two of you and get the other person to two of you and get the other person to say yes to that agreement no matter say yes to that agreement no matter how far apart you are in regard to other how far apart you are in regard to other matters.matters.

Ask QuestionsAsk Questions• Ask questions instead of giving orders. Ask questions instead of giving orders.

Direct and guide the person in the right Direct and guide the person in the right direction instead of bullying.direction instead of bullying.

Saving FaceSaving Face• NEVER back the person into a corner NEVER back the person into a corner

where they can not save face. This where they can not save face. This only makes them an enemy.only makes them an enemy.

PraisePraise• Notice, and praise, any improvement no Notice, and praise, any improvement no

matter how slight.matter how slight.

EncourageEncourage

• Use encouragement. Make the fault Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.seem easy to correct.

• Sanford & son: “You big dummy:Sanford & son: “You big dummy:

Enhance their reputation.Enhance their reputation.• Give the other person a fine reputation Give the other person a fine reputation

to live up to.to live up to.

No excuses.No excuses.• There is never an excuse for bad There is never an excuse for bad

manners or rudeness.manners or rudeness.

• Learn to lead others with your good Learn to lead others with your good example.example.

Who gets the credit?Who gets the credit?• There is no end to the good that you There is no end to the good that you

can do if you do not care who gets the can do if you do not care who gets the credit.credit.

What does the Golden rule What does the Golden rule require?require?

The Golden rule requires: The Golden rule requires: A. A. RestraintRestraint B. B. Self-disciplineSelf-discipline C. C. SacrificeSacrifice D. D. LoveLove

The Golden RuleThe Golden Rule Restraint: is Restraint: is the ability the ability

to control our impulses.to control our impulses. Ex: We have control Ex: We have control

over what we say to over what we say to others.others.

Self-Discipline: Self-Discipline: The The ability to restrain our ability to restrain our desires on a daily basisdesires on a daily basis, , another word for self- another word for self- control.control.

Example: Avoiding road Example: Avoiding road rage, avoiding making rage, avoiding making rude comments and so rude comments and so forth.forth.

The Golden RuleThe Golden Rule Sacrifice: The ability to Sacrifice: The ability to

give up something for give up something for the good of others and the good of others and oneself.oneself.

Example: Giving up Example: Giving up Monday night football Monday night football to work on a to work on a committee.committee.

Example: Getting a Example: Getting a second job to help son second job to help son or daughter go to a or daughter go to a better school.better school.

The Golden RuleThe Golden Rule Love: The ability to care Love: The ability to care

for others with for others with unconditional concern, unconditional concern, or in an unselfish or in an unselfish manner.manner.

Example: The love of a Example: The love of a father or mother towards father or mother towards a son or a daughter.a son or a daughter.

Example: The love of a Example: The love of a son or daughter towards son or daughter towards his or her parents.his or her parents.

Example: A boyfriend Example: A boyfriend that does not pressure that does not pressure his girlfriend into sex or his girlfriend into sex or vice-versa.vice-versa.

Who is my neighbor?Who is my neighbor? My neighbor is My neighbor is

anyone I interact with anyone I interact with or relate to.or relate to.

Love of neighbor has Love of neighbor has three dimensions.three dimensions.

A. Love of self. A. Love of self. B. Love of those who B. Love of those who

are closest to me.are closest to me. C. Love of those who C. Love of those who

are strangers to me.are strangers to me.

1.1.The word _________ is not an _________, but a _____.

The word _________ is not an _________, but a _____.

Christian

Christianadjectiv

eadjectiv

everb

verb

The Sovereign’s View of The Sovereign’s View of First First

I. Be Last I. Be Last

II. Be the Servant II. Be the Servant

III. Be Humble and Encouraging III. Be Humble and Encouraging

IV. Be Self-Sacrificing IV. Be Self-Sacrificing