Goat Post - Christmas Issue

8/13/2019 Goat Post - Christmas Issue

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Well hello there and a Merry Fitzmas to you! Welcome to the

Michaelmas edition of Goat Post, lovingly created for your delight

and delectation. AND, *drum roll please* theres even enough

content to make a contents page this term -check. us. OUT!

So yes, we have spent yet ANOTHER term gathering fabulous

contributions for you all . And this is now it. The nal one. The big

deal. Its our last Goat Post as Editors! *ahhhh* (come on people,

get in the xmas panto spirit)

So thanks for having us Fitz! And

thanks to you for all your

contributions, we denitely

couldn't have done it without you.

And unlike most people who say

that, I actually mean it. Its ratherhard to print without submissions.

(Trust me, Ive tried in the past.)

But seriously, its been a good run :)

So long folks!

Billy Love,

Laura x

- Note from the Editors-


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FOOOOD Student Recipes

Kitchen Tips

NOSTALGIA TIME Family Superhall

Fitz Up Look Sharp Review

Halloween Snaps

Firework Photography

FITZ VS THE WORLD Fitz or France?

A Bleat From Italy

HI THERE TAKE A SEAT GOODJOURNEY? Disclaimer!

Your Interview Memories

Interview Stories

FITZ GETS ARTISIC High Poetry

Fitz Gallery

IIITS FIIIIITZMAAASSSS Fitzmas Featured

Holiday Advice

Residence WeekThe week

of Christmas freedom!

Money-Saving Gift Ideas

JUST FOR FUNS Youtube Procrastination Tips

Horoscopes

Overheard in Fitz

Puzzles Time!! Two

wordsearches and a

crossword aaall for youuu XD

Its like last day of school! ( or

last week of school if you had

lazy teachers) Feel free to fill

them in!

Fitz Billygoat Cartoons


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Soup-a-noodles

YouwillNeed:

-1packetSainsbury

sBasicsinstantnoodl

es(15p)

Theyseemtoonlyco

meinchickenflavour

butyoucanjustremo

vethelittle

ofchickenflavourpo

wderifyoudontwan

tit,whichiswhatIdo

.

-1packetofyourchosencup-a-soup

-IlikeusingSainsbur

ysBasicsmushr

one,butthisworksw

ithanyflavour.(22p)

VeryDifficultInstruct

ions:

1.Placedrysoup-pow

derandinstantnood

lestogetherin amug

2.Addboilingwater

3.Putinthemicrowav

eifyoulike(itmakes

themmixtogetherb

etter)

4.THATISIT!(andyou

onlyhave1mugtow

ashup!)

(NOTE:Cheaperthan

apot-noodle!!NowTHATSastudent

friendlymeal!

PoachedeggswithhummusandspinachAreallyquicklightmealideawhichwasinspiredbyCambridge'sfavouriteBill'srestaurantis: 2

poachedeggs,drop2eggsinboilingwaterfor1minuteorso,drainwatertoserve(evenbetterifyouhavethepoacherpods)

dollopofredpepperhummus

allonabedofwiltedspinach(250g,putitabowlinmicrowavfor2/3minutes)

Servedwithbutteredtoast

Reallyyummyandquick,andonly1pantowashupattheend!


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chet

om

ThePerfectMacaroniandCheese20gButter

20gFlour

100mlMilk

Asmuchcheeseasyoucangratewithoutusingtheentireblock!

100gofPastaTime:10Minutes

Theresnothingbetterthancominghomeandstuffingyourfacewith

someultracheesygoodnessandIassureyouitllbethebestyou

everhad!

1. Addthepastatothepan,coverwithboilingwaterandmake

sureyouputontheliditllcookfasteranduselessenergyso

winsallaround!2. Inaseparatepan,meltthebutterbutmakesureyoudont

accidentallyburnyourselfasitstartstospit3. Addtheflourandmixinuntilyouhaveapaste4. Thisiswhereitcanallgowrongsopayattention!Addthemilk

intinyquantitiesandmakesureithastotallymixedinbefore

addingmoreotherwiseyoullhavelumpsofbutteryflour

whichrefusetobetamed.5. Onceyouvemixedinthepasteandmilk,putbackontothehob

andKEEPSTIRRING!6. Youllknowwhenitsreadybecauseitwillgetallthickand

creamyjustgiveitacoupleofminutes7. Addyourmountainofcheese,stirringitinonthehobuntilithas

fullymelted8. Drainthepastawhi

chshouldbynowbefullycookedandreadytoeat

Addtothepanofcheesysaucetomakesureeverythingiscoated.. Serve,orjusteatitfromthepan

eitherwayitlltasteawesome!


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ScrambledegginaMicrowave

Thisishowtomakeyour scrambledeggusing

justonemugandamicrowave-itsfasterand

thereslesswashingup!1. Crackyoureggintoamug2. Addasplashofmilk3. Addabitofbuttertooifyouwant

4. Beatittogetherwithafork5. Microwaveforaround30seconds

(dependingonhowpowerfulyourmicrowave

is)thenstir

6. Keepmicrowavingforshortperiods(say

15secsatatime)andstirringinbetweenuntil

youvegotyoureggjusthowyoulikeit7. Addtobutteredtoast

andenjoy!

This isnt very originallucky enough to have

very confident cookinself even if you eat ev

1) Cut a sweet pep

scoop out the ins

2) Mix in a bowl y

This can be what

veg with rice/couscou

1chopped tomat

cheese (whatever youyou have them

3) Season with salt

4) Bake in the over

5) I like to serve mi

Cake-in-a-Mug(SOQUICK!)

Thereareallkindsofcakesyou

canmakein

mugsincludingablueberryand

whitechocolate

one!HereisarecipeIoncefound

ontheinternet

andparticularlylikemaking.Haveaninterne

t

searchformicrowavecakeifyo

ureinterested

andloadscomeup!

4tablespoonsflour

2tablespoonssugar

2tablespoonscocoa

1egg

3tablespoonsmilk

3tablespoonsmeltedbutteroroi

l

1/4teaspoonvanilla(orpepperm

int)extract

1tablespoonchocchips

1


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Stuffed peppers

t its really easy to make if you areovenespecially for people who arent

heres no meat, you wont harm your-ything raw! And theyre really nice!

r (chose your favourite kind) in half and

e seeds

r chosen fillings

er you have left over, I've used left over

nd herbs before. A filling I really like is:

(or a few chopped cherry tomatoes), a little bit of finely diced garlic (optional),

kegoats, cheddar or mozzarella are all very nice), dried and/or fresh herbs if

nd pepper, and drizzle some oil over them

ntil the sides have visibly softened, or until they look gorgeous to you!

with salad but theyre also great with chips!

Adddryingredientstoonelargem

ug,and

mixwell.

Crackaneggandaddittoyour

mug.(Again,

mixitwelltoavoidanypockets

offlourin

thecorners)

Pourinthemilk,oilandch

ocolatechips,and

mixwell

Addthevanillaextract

Putyourmugintothemicrowave

andgive

it3minutesonmaximumpower

(1000watts)

. Waituntilthecakestopsrising,andsetsinitsmug

. Ifnecessary,runaknifearoundthesidesofthemugandtip

thestillwarmcakeoutof

themugandontoasaucer

8. Eatlovingly.


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THEEASIESTCAKEEVER

Ingredients:

250gmargarine

250gself-raisingflower

250gcastersugar

75gicingsugar/castersuga

r

2eggs

2lemons Splashof

milk

Pinchofsalt

Method:

1. Mixthemargarine,flower,suga

r,saltandeggs-

makingsurethebatterissmooth

andeven

2. Addthezestofonelemonanda

splashofmilk

orlemonjuice

3. Placeinagreasedbakingtraytocoo

kfor15-

20minutes(thisishighlyvariableduetounrelia-

blequalityofFitzovens)oruntil

thebatteris

cookedthrough(checkbysticking

aknifein)

4. Mixtogetherthejuiceoftwolem

onsand75gof

icingsugarorhowevermuchwill

dissolveinthe

juice

5. Pouroverthecake

andleavetosit

6. EAT


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Store open chunks of cheese in aluminium foil and

they stay fresh for longer.

Add baking soda to the water when hard boiling

eggs and the shell will come right off.

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are the best

kind to use for cooking. Those with 4 bumps are

sweeter and the best ones to eat raw.

Separating your bananas when you first buy them

keeps them ripe for longer - GENIUS! Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.

It will help pull the grease away from the meat.

EDIBLE GLITTERits easy to make your own:

Mix 1/4 cup sugar & 1/2 teaspoon of food colouring

and put in oven for 10 mins.

And finally, the best tip of them all: No, your pasta

isn't burning- that's steam.


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Photography by ennis Harrison


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ROCKINTHATHIV

IZ

UV!!!!

Fitz Up Look SharpA success?? Fitz Freshers Laura and Emma, reckon so - although

the crisps? Maybe not so much

As the last Freshers standing at the recent Fitz Up Look Sharp we feel

like we are both qualified and obligated to be the ones to review the night

- and while our peers can be quoted with such inspiring words as alright

and ugh when asked what they thought of the night, we can say with all

our keyboard authority that it was rocking.

The music was far superior to what youd expect as a Fresher at what is

essentially a school disco: DJs Phil Ashworth (known for playing at manyCambridge clubs) and Napper (Rudamental and Turf) smashed it with

great, familiar tunes and Faith SFX (Plan Bs beatboxer) was so talented

that it wasn't until well into his act that we realised those entire songs

REMEMBERTHISONE?


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came from a person. Although that could also be partially attributed

to a decline in sobriety

With mixed levels of commitment to body paint, face paint and neon

clothing, the UV theme went down well and was a great novelty. Got

to love themed nights. The crisp table really cemented the school

disco feel and was a great way to get hungry drunk people to spend

money. Unfortunately by the time we got to the crisps there were only

lonely cheese and onion packets, the rejects of the crisp world,

continuously passed over by the more romantically-inclined clientele.

All in all, it was a great night and a great way to socialise with your

extremely new friends. Definitely worth buying a ticket; bring your own

crisps.

The keenest of Freshers,

Laura Thompson and Emma Ansell.

HOWDIDHED

OIT?

HOW??!


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Photography by Simon Schofieldand Gary Morton


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When you scurried back to college, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for the academic year

ahead, I had already been at university for a month. I had also drawn on my best ham acting to

buy a square pillowcase, fitted sheet and 200x200cm duvet cover. But thats another story.

This reading experience is going to be most interactive. I hope youre excited. Here is our

question: In which F will you find?You are invited to anticipate the response with either Fitz or

France. Ready? Cest parti.

Elaborate meals

France. Thought only our multipurpose buttery/hall was capable of Michelin star quality

cuisine? Probably not if youve ever sampled the vegetable moussaka but still. I haddinner at a Frenchmans house the other day. Ooh la la! Quelle scandale.He offered

me the most pungent-smelling/potentially-poisonous cheese I have ever come across.

His grandmother had soaked it in oil for three months so we could really appreciate the

flavour. I may or may not have hid it in my napkin.

Pidges

Both. The porters have probably taped over my pigeon hole in college but Mademoiselle

Yasmin Omar has one here so feel free to send baked beans/fan mail/general loving

(preferably in that order).

Nuns

France. I run into these saintly ladies on a daily basis given

that I live in a place run by the little scamps. One came into

my room to fix a plug socket and spied a homemade birthday

card I had stuck up with very questionable photos of my


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galdem and I in various stages of nudity. Considered taking it down but its really too

hilarious.

Pompous conversation

Both. As an MMLer, my natural habitat is the caf. Contrary to popular opinion, lemon

drizzle cake and millionaire shortbread are not the only treats in store there. Overhearing/eavesdropping on people discussing the intricacies of their supervision essays is as

entertaining as listening to a drunkards incoherent explanation of the pass simples usage

and importance.

Strangers

France. Unless youre a Mathmo (sorry mathmos) you probably recognise most people

in college by now. So imagine my shock when continually thrust into situations where I

am the Camus-esque ltrangre. Ill be able to read people so well by the end of this I

may have to switch to the Psychology Tripos upon my return.

Boats

Fitz. Jackman got away with it in The Tab so Im gonna go all FCBC on The Goat Post.

No one rows and no one cares about rowing (arguably the case for non-boatie

Fitzbillies). Thank God Ive coincided my return visit with Fairbairns. What is a girl

supposed to do without eight training sessions a week? Have a life? Dont be

ridiculous.

QWERTY

Fitz. Did you know that French keyboards are different to English keyboards? Neither

did I. Those obligatory touch typing lessons in suffered through in Year 7 have not

prepared me for this technological minefield.

Yasmin

Both. Physically I am in France but I left my heart in Fitzwilliam, under the watchful eye

of the First Undergraduate *tear*.

Fitzwilliam, or Fitz-winning-am as I annoyingly call it, is glorious. Nestle up in your gown, give Olive a

big hug and listen to that rhythmic humming outside F block. Oh and say hi to Howard, the library

cleaner, hes a right babe who has even been known to reward students with sweeties.

Yasmin Omar


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Bleat from a Fitz Billygoat in Italy

Don't all cry at once, but I'm not going to write a culturally interesting piece

glorifying (or damning) my year abroad as requested. There's not really even

any reasoning behind my refusal, I'm just plain stubborn. Why? Well, because

goats are stubborn and the one greatest lesson I've learnt whilst in Italy has

been to embrace my inner goat! Because, in fact, Fitz has covertly been

metamorphosing every one of us into Billy-goatsand I can prove it.

First proof that you're a goat: you're not crying! Obviously the fact that I'm gone

has left you all absolutely distraught, but youre not actually crying, and the

only way I can explain this is because you, as goats, don't have any tear ducts.

This is actually very handy. When you're on the point of having that essay

breakdown and the world really is about to collapse, just remember that you

can't cry, so there's no point trying. Goats are strong creatures. The same

applies to me when I get homesick out here, I just have to find something to

dolike find an Italian equivalent for Fitz bar. And let's face it, when things get

too much, we all start bleating baaar, baaar, baaaaaarrr.

But what other than baar can a goat do? Well our lives really are bubbling full

of variety, so when we're not guzzling alcohol, we're probably guzzling coffee.

Tradition has it that our goat ancestors were the brave, clever and intrepid

explorers who first discovered coffee (you didn't get that Cambridge brain from

nowhere). It required great skill on their part, namely, eating from a particular

bush and becoming very energetic as a result, thus encouraging their goatherd

to try some of the plant himself. The point I'm torturously slowly getting round

to, is never feel guilty about heading for a caf coffee (I'd quite like the term

caff-coff to enter the Fitz lingo). It's in your blood, and given our fine heritage,

I'd say it's our prerogative to do so. I'm certainly exercising that train of thought

out here in Italy!


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Next proof: goats have rectangular eyes. So those stories you were told about

ending up with square eyes if you spent too long in front of a screen were very

almost true! We've all stared with blank eyes at a blank word document on our

laptop in the early hours of the morning, only to scour the internet for a better

form of procrastination (and if you haven't, just shut up). But late night browsing

and grazing is something we goats are very very good at so don't worry because

you're definitely not the only one despairing in the library tower and eating

illegally imported food. By the way, as part of that procrastination I found out

that we have four stomachs (ish) so over-eating is just not possible and you

really don't have to worry about your calorie count. Perks of being a fitzbilly eh!

Finally, goats are known to have an amazing sense of balance. So what? I

hear you say. Sooo, this means that there is absolutely no excuse for not

learning to cycle without holding onto the handlebars. Fitz students should be

identifiable in town purely by the fact that they all cycle hands-free. Admittedly, Ihaven't quite got round to it yet, but now I know that it's in the genes, there'll be

no stopping me in fourth year... until I crash.

So no, no one is forced to grow a goatie - though on second thoughts if the guys

would, that is definitely the way to get a billy pride campaign going! But please

do love your goaty lives at Fitz, baaring, caff-coffeeing, browsing, grazing,

acrobatic cycling etc. and never let anything make you wish you had tear ducts.Because I guarantee, you will miss it all when you're gone!

- Here ends the bleat -


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To any prospective students or parents/careers of studentswho may be reading this while you await your interview,

Firstly, try the cafcake. Whether or not you get offered aplace from Fitzwilliam, you will have experienced one ofthe very best parts of student life here. (Also the hotchocolate, and the coffee, and the mince pies, and the - well,you get the idea.)

Secondly, please do not be at all concerned by any of these

stories, they are of course taken out of context! In fact takecomfort from the fact that all those people actually got in!!How or why we may never know. (Clearly the standardsaren't so high after all :p ) And remember that everysingle interview is different. Continue to read on for a fewslightly more balanced interview stories, with addedcontext ;)

And if it does all go terribly wrong, do not fear, youprobably didn't do anything as daft as some of thesecontributors! And if you think you did, well then hey, it couldbe you submitting your memories to Goat Post in a yearstime and joining the club of those who are also not quitesure how they got away with it!!

The very best of luck to you all x


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Very soon Fitz will be full ofwide-eyed fresh-faced hopefulinterviewees - Probably nibblingcaf rocky road and looking everso slightly startled.We asked Fitz students what

they remembered of theirown experiences...


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Therewasapowercutdurin

gmy

groupinterviewatKings.Bu

tIcould

stillseemyinterviewerrol

lhiseyes

throughthedarkness!!

When I left my interview I was in the corridor outside. I had

absolutely no idea which one Id come in though and inter-

views were going on in the other ones. It was a Harry Potter

stuck in the Department of Mysteries moment! This year

when I walked past the rooms where interviews are held for

my subject theyd put a sign up in that corridor marking the

way out. Guess I wasn't the only one then.

WhileIwaswaitingbeforemyinterviewaFitzfellowcameinandaskedoneboywh

oIdthoughtseemedniceifhecouldgoandclearhisroomoutforthenextperson.HesaidNoandwalkedout.Theroomwasshocked.Untilsomeonewhohadntreactednoticedandsaidoh,hesaidnowbutinaScottishaccent!

playedhappyfamilies

withcurrent

studentswhile wasw

aingformy

interview.couldn'thel

phoping

wasn'ttesngmyluck!!

IgotaskedWhatistruth.

IleftmycoatinaninterviewroomonachairandjustasIwasleavingIwasremind

edtotakeitbytheinterviewerwhothen(accordingtoothercandidates)remindedevery-onetotaketheircoatswiththemattheendoftheirinter-views. trendsetter

MyinterviewerreceivianOxfordcolleagueintterviewandthenchattinpleofminutes(seemedknowifthiswasatestto

theword'Oxford'sojustthroughout!


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Nothingveryexciting

happenedinmyinterview

butwhenIwasinthecafI

heardanotherstudentsay

'Iknowexactlywhatthey

want,prettymuchgotthis

inthebag,youknow'Goodforhim!

Intrvwr: 'So, brng n mnd norx nd obt r bot

ctm, cn ou tnk o notr w t bod mrkt?

M: 'Um, t bod mrkt? Um... Errrr..' (Connu or

good 2 mnut)

Intrvwr: 'Hmm r ou' tnk o omtng tr.'

Overhearingastudentaf

terherin-

terview:'Thatwastra

umaticIneedsome

retailtherapy'

You'renotgo

ingbacktoschool?'

'Hellno!'Ihadtheworsteverhandshakedisaster.Iwentinforthehandshakeandonlycaughtthepsofhisngers,soIshookthose.Themostembarrassingdreadfulmomentofmylife.

My interviewer said You talk about

interesting things but I think you slightly

struggle to get to the point. Im going to ask

you a question and give you ten seconds to

answer. Whats the dierence between law

and politics? GO! She is now my DoS but I

will never quite forgive her!

Ihadascarymoment

whenmyinterview

er

askedmeabouta

polishbookIsaidI

d

read.Ihadnt.(Oro

nly

thefrstbit)Buthe

hadnteither,soal

l

wasfne;)

Iwillneverforgettwoofmyinterviewershavingadisagreementaboutaquestiontheyweregoingtoaskmeaboutasettext,asoneofthemwasreferringtoadifferenttextstudiedbyCambridgestudentswhichhadthesamecharacterin.ThiswasthefirsttimeIhadseenacademicsarguesoseemedquitescaryatthetime!

HostinguscandidatesinAdmissionswasanolderstudentwho,asIcamein,wasexplainingthatdespitehisReceivedPronunciationaccenthewasactuallyfromNewZealand.Well,fairenoughIsuppose,excepttheconversationthenturnedtothebookhehadpublished(!!!)duringhisgapyear,theprofitsofwhichpaidhistuitionfees.Oh,andhereadingHARRIVSPOTTERETPHILOSOPHILAPISIwasterri-fied!LuckilyIhadacoupleofveryniceinterviewersaskingmerelativelystraightforwardmath

squestionstoputmeb

ackateaseinthecomfortably,butnotexcessively,nerdycamp.


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MyInterviewStorybyFlorenceLee

AsoneofthebestGeographycollegesinCambridge,itsnotsurprisingthat

myinterviewlastyearbeforeChristmaswastough(oh,

theshock,horror,

sweatandtears).Itwasntexactlylikethesupervision

sIhavehadsofar.

Theprofessorsmainlytestedmeonknowledgeaboutth

epre-setjournal

articlesIwasgiveninadvance.Ofcourse,thatwassome

whatcomforting.

Havingreadthearticles,atleastyouknowwhattoexp

ect.

IwasthefirstintervieweeforGeography.Thequestions

weretheusualwhy

thisandwhythats,throwninwithExtremelyAcad

emicQuestions.It

wasacademic,fast-pacedandratherchallenging!Itwas

verymuchPurely

Academic. Idneverspokentoprofessorsbeforesome

timestheyseemlikea

completelydifferentspeciestobehonest.Imean,compl

etelydifferentextra

intelligentbeings.Thebestanalogywouldbesortoflike

playingvideogames

withaseasonedprowhoknowsyourevery

thought,everyattack,special

powersand,toputitbluntly,someonewhocanwhipouttheirswordand

K.O.yourplayeranytime.

Enoughchitchat.Myfondestmemorywasprobablyget

tingaskedastrange

questionwhich(insertdrumroll)Ireadaboutonanarti

cletitledStrange

OxbridgeQuestionsinTheGuardian!Aha.Atleastthe

timesspentreading

thenewspaidoff.EventhoughIamsurethatquestiondidntcounttowards

anything.Exceptmaybeimpressionpoints.Lotsofimpre

ssionpoints!

FunFact:Inearlymissedmyentireinterviewonthatco

ld,duskymorning

becauseIcouldntcatchacabfromthetrainstation!Ie

ndedupqueuingin

thelineoutsideuntil9:20am,andspentthewholejourn

eynaggingatthe

drivertogofaster!


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#ScoshPoolProblems

They shed me from the pool on a Monday evening.

I was told I would be interviewed on the Thursday morning. With this

luxurious60 hours' noce, I made the southward pilgrimage from

Glasgow and walked from the train staon to Fitz, passing Churchill

where I rst applied -on the way. How biersweet. Aer a brief tour

of College by Ashley John-Bapste of X-Factor fame, I hit the hay, and

before I knew it, Thursday had arrived faster than you could say

Biggest day of your life, what's the worst that could happen?

Not wanng to spend the morning panicking about the possibility of

interview quesons I'd seen on the internet (Here's an orange. Tell

me about it.), I headed over to the Buery for an awkward

breakfast. To my le was Rachel Hunter, chang about the snow that

had caused her to miss both her plane back from Spain and her

original interview. To my right sat an Engineer who is no longer withus. Not that he's dead, he just didn't get into Fitz. The conversaon

went something like this:

Miss Gap Yah:

'Ah, so you're applying for Computer Science! That's really excing![NB: it's not] So, do you, like, build computers and stu?'

Myself:[Making sure to appear too-cool-for-coding]

'Nah, I think that's for people with far too much me on their hands. I

have beer things to do!'


29/56

Lo and behold, our Engineering friend had just nished building his

second rig a few days earlier. The camaraderie and rapport that

ensued could only be described as non-existent.

Eager to escape the debris of my ying-brick approach to

conversaon, I headed over to the Tutorial Oce where Ben Dalton

was seng up a whiteboard for a 3-hour Piconary marathon.

Embarrassed by my beaufully bad buery breakfast blunder, I was

keen to prove myself to the other sh: a messy drawing juxtaposing a

castle surrounded by water with an easel demonstrated my

impressive knowledge of Viennese Classical period composers. I was

back on form, blissfully ignoring the interview that would decide my

fate in just a few hours' me.

Things were going too well, and so out of the blue, a woman arrived

with a worrying request:

Hi, James. Could you head over to your room and collect your

suitcase? The cleaners would like to prepare it for the next person

using it.

Now?, I said, ever-eloquent.

A stunned silence fell over the room. Conversaons ceased. Eyes

widened. The air got a lile bit colder. Superlaves got a lile bit out

of hand. Perplexed, I walked out the door towards the stairs to the

soundtrack of hushed voices behind my back. Assuming I had

somehow managed to spill something on the back of my shirt, I

rushed back to boom C corridor to check myself in the full length

mirror. Yet my shirt was sll a dazzling shade of white (thanks,

Mum!), and I consequently surfed a wave of paranoia all the way back

to the Tutorial Oce.


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Upon entering the room once more, I sat beside Holly and asked if I'd

been imagining the blatant bitching. (We had bonded previously over

her love of Scosh accents and my Scosh accent)

Well... you were just a bit rude.

No, I wasn't! I simply asked if she wanted me to dy my room now,

and then she walked away!

OH RIGHT. We all misheard you and assumed you had just said No.

in a faux posh accent. Oh my God, this is so funny! Isn't this

hilarious?(NB: Holly may or may not have used the word faux in casual

conversaon, but it's a great word, don't you think?)

I promptly sprung out of my chair and into the oce to explain our

amusing misunderstanding, and the rest, as they say, is history. We

all laughed about the struggles of a Scot abroad, I managed to make

my DoS laugh aloud during my interview (akin to a rabbit caught inmathemacal headlights, I forgot how to use exponents, which is

hilarious), and I spent the train journey home sending melodramac

texts about how I had embarrassed my naon.

I'm sure Fitz have met some fascinang candidates over the years,

and there must be some great stories doing the rounds of the

Admissions Oce at this me of year, but I like to think none can

compare to that of the obnoxious young Scosh boy who, upon

being asked to dy his room, responded with a remarkably Southern:

No.

James McAulay


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Sinking in a pool of love

She had me in her pocket,I was hers for the taking.Ever clothed in rich, velvet clothOver those cushiony sides,In awe of her, I stood quaking.Then low, behold, she returned mylove, it was fateA game had begun, I could not es-cape.Balls flew everywhere,Her rack was ever in my mind.

My heart was left abandonedWithout her to fill my lifeMy days were clouded with essaysProcrastination was no longer rife.

My grades went up, my soul sank lowI lost my friend, my love, my mojo.Karaoke? Snooker? No no, pool wasfor me,Without her, my soul could never befree.

Then, one day, through that longcorridor I passed,Lamenting, sorrowful, wonderinghow my life could last,And right on cue, I saw her there,In the Walter Grave room,My eyes were fixed, I stared.The game once more, has now en-sued,Good Cambridge degree, you were myrebound, adieu.

Anon


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FLORE


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CE LEE


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FLORE


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CE LEE


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DAWN


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ANTER


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Whats the best way to spend your holidays?

Study. Yes, you read that right. Id advise each able-bodied, responsible,

intelligent, neurotic Cambridge student to study as hard as they can into theholidays. It is a must-do. A must, because we all want that first-class or two-

one. No one wants to wear the dreaded tutu. Except ballerinas. And pixie fairies.

And other Things That Only Exist In Your Imagination.

So get your pens, papers and calculators out if you dont have them, stock up

on them in your Christmas stockings. Fillem with neon highlighters. Beg your

parents and mates to give you more tiddly pens for presents. Scribble notes and

ground-breaking thoughts on your Christmas wrappings. Decorate your room

with post-it notes. You can even get creative and make a post-it note Christmas

tree like this:

Santas watching. We all want to be good

little boys and girls, and no one wants coal in their socks. The homeland for

which you all will be stuck in for 5 jolly weeks lack the lovely problems of Fitz

life: sanitation, hairy clogged showers, dirty laundry mountains, tasteless buttery

food leftovers, that Dominos pizza fragrance and technical problems affecting

salad production. Which means its the optimum environment for studying.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Florence Lee

Goodwayt

osavethe

environmen

tandgogr

een!


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Corridor Mince Pie and Mulled Wine Night

Make a trip to London with your friends! (Actually fairly cheap

train tickets, especially if you have a railcard)

Group Christmas shopping trip!! So

much more fun than doing it in a panic afterarriving back home. Complete with tea stop for

Christmas cookies and a cinnamon mocha or hot

chocolate with marshmallows. Plus you get to

have a group gift wrapping session while

listening to carols once you get back -bliss.

Corridor Christmas Dinnerespecially if you never made it to Fitzmas (and decorate

your corridor before! Who doesn't love paper chains and snowakes?!)

Get out the Christmas lms with some Sainsburys snack foods. Love Actually?

Bridget Jones? Miracle on 34th Street? THE LION KING?! Dont lie, you love them

all ;)

Use up the last of your card allowance on Fitz caf reindeer-

shaped cupcakes and snowman cookies ...And while youre

there, chat to visiting interviewees :)

Christmas Games Night In. Charades anyone? Pictionary?Anyone bring Articulate or Balderdash with them? Add in

some drinks and itll be a good one I promise!

Add that Santa hat or antlers to your outt and join the Fitz

contingent in Life/Cindies for the last Sunday of term

Take advantage of the many free Christmas carols, concerts and

evensongs going on in Cambridge

Make your corridor smell of Christmas by having a go at making

your own Christmas cooking. MORE mince pies anyone??

ndyoullbemorethan

happy

ofollowFlorencesad

vice

becausebeforeyou leav

eUni

youllhavestockedupo

nall

THISFitzmasCheer...

Laura Pugh


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Make your own Christmas Hamper

You can put in whatever things you

know that person likes, whether

you want to go traditional and get

wine , mince pies and jams, do a

treat box with cookies and hot

chocolate etc. ,or anything at all!

Just gift wrap a cardboard box and

lay in your goodies.

Photo Collage

Buy or make a frame, then get

busy sticking together photos

of your friend, parents, cousins

-this works for pretty much

anyone!


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Cake/Cookie in a jar

Layer the dried ingredients for

your cake or cookie mix into a jam

jar, tie with a ribbon and print a

label with the Recipe (and info

about any extra ingredients to

add, like milk or egg). And voila!

A pretty, personal gift.

Date Clues

Place in a jar or box clues to a

date that you will be treating

your partner to. e.g. Hot

chocolate powder, an ice cube

tray and a glove = Ice skating :)

Get Creative!

Laura Pugh


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Procrnon or Bgnnr.

Gather round children, for today I will impart the most secret and mostinvaluable knowledge that any student can share. I was like you, once:

hardworking, movated and with an aenon span that lasted longer than 15

minutes, unl one day, I discovered a marvellous creaon. You might not have

heard of it, given that we intellectuals spend the majority of our me knee deep

in a book [read: sleeping on top of the book you should have nished three

hours ago]. It is known as the internet.I spoke to the Elders of the Internet not

one hour ago and they were so horried by the idea of a new ock of students

entering the world of Cambridge without being fully iniated into the rites ofpassage of the internet that they wanted to do whatever they could to help.

Now, do not be lead astray. There are people out there (librarians, your DoS

etc.) who will try to convince you that the internet is for work. They do not

realise its potenal. As an old soul of third year, I now feel that the me has

come to share with you some of the knowledge I have collected over the past

two years about a very parcular type of internet. Whether you be a startledfresher, facing the glaring headlights of your rst essay and in need of a

sanctuary to shelter you from the ferocious wrath of late night cramming, or

whether you be a wizened nalist facing the glaring headlights of your sixty-

third essay and in need of a sanctuary to shelter you from the ferocious wrath of

late night cramming, I give to you, the wonder of Youtub.

Firstly, to prove to you that I am not the onlyone who believes that there are many more

things you could be doing with your me than

working, I give to you Sweet Brown and her

Remix ofAint Nobody Got Time for That.

Please note the fantasc dance moves being

demonstrated at 0:27. Some of you reading this

will have been born as late as 1995, or even

later if you were a child prodigy (or Scosh), and therefore may not be aware of

possibly the best show of the 1990s. Please watch The Las Vegas Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7k


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Compeon from The Fresh Prince of Bel Airto further your educaon. Learn these

moves and proceed to demonstrate them at the next college bop.

If you have not seen The Fresh Prince before, I would also encourage you to watch

every episode ever created before you move on to the next suggeson. The ability

to watch mulple seasons of a telly show in one day is a well rehearsed talent that

requires dedicaon and will power. Other recommended opons include Saved By

The Bell, Flight of the Concords, and The IT Crowd, if you didnt understand the

earlier reference to the Elders of the Internet.

Some things on Youtube are just a bit weird and will pass the me easily, and

without too much damage done to your brain. The Vichy Normaderm Hyaluspot OnThe Spot Heroadverts are an all me favourite of mine. Word of warning: dont

forget the blueberries.And Im always amazed at how oen Ryan Gosling refuses to

eat his cereal.This guys laugh sll haunts my dreams -Bill Gates Calls the

Slingshot Channel answers.

You must, at some point, cross into the

dangerous territory of animals doing cute

things. From here, there is no way back.

These videos will make you queson many

things about the world: how can a cat be

that cute? How can a dog be that clever?

How can I get my hamster to play dead?

Will I look like that bat when I yawn? As

you read this now, these videos may not

seem interesng, but in a few weeks me, when the Week 4 blues set in, these will

be your lifeline. Ill just leave these links here for you... Maru,Animals Playing Dead,

Bath Time for Baby Sloths,Don Goldberg machine by Beneful,Animals Yawning.

Kirsten Bellknows how moving animals can be. Theres a remix for everything on

Youtube, including her Sloth Meltdown.

But, one day, fresher, the sun will set on my me here, and will rise with you.

Everything the light touches will be yours... apart from that shadowy place. You

must never go there.That shadowy place includes videos such as these: Tampopo

Egg Scene,Teddy has an Operaon,The Avalanches Froner Psychiatristand The

Weirdest Video You Will Ever See.When youve watched these, it really is me to

be geng back to work.

J Wonk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumoguhttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumoguhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbpBjxX2tkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbpBjxX2tkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1mAGQAw3Ochttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1mAGQAw3Ochttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA56LgpFbSwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA56LgpFbSwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B907aaDw7Echttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B907aaDw7Echttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5jw3T3Jy70http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5jw3T3Jy70http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsd0d1gxJ68http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsd0d1gxJ68http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsd0d1gxJ68http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5jw3T3Jy70http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B907aaDw7Echttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA56LgpFbSwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1mAGQAw3Ochttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbpBjxX2tkhttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumoguhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsM


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Aries; March 21 April 19This festive season is set to bring some relief from those looming essay

assignments youve been battling with - its important to give yourself

the break you deserve. Tensions may arise at home as the Christmas

chaos kicks in be sure to keep your distance from those disputes for

a happier holiday. Single Aries finds him or herself meeting someonespecial mid-December, though a lack of self-confidence could mean

this encounter may be a brief one.

Taurus: April 20 May 20Your ruling planet, Venus, dictates that youll attract special

attention this party season if you dare to try something new. A busy

holiday means you may run afoul of the New Years chills, but as

your organisation gets better as you get busier, work wont be whats

troubling you come January. Instead, be wary of old friends, as

jealousy over another may interfere with your relationships.

Gemini; May 21 June 20Your intense mental energy means that youre well-prepared to deal

with the coming months challenges, which will range from a difficult

gift decision to an important choice about a relationship. Its

important to look at things objectively and decide whats best in the

long run, as the heat of the moment gives Gemini a tendency to make

rash decisions. Towards the end of the month, you may find yourselfgrowing closer to someone you didnt expect; let events unfold

without reacting too quickly.


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Cancer; June 21 July 22Dont let whats been gnawing away at the back of your mind beat

you in December, as its about to get harder to ignore. Decemberwill be a complicated month for you and stress levels will run high,

so make sure you plan ahead and finish your work before the 15th,

when things will really get tense. You may need to turn to someone

who you previously rejected for help dont feel ashamed, as their

advice will see you clear of troubles this month. Single Cancer

should be aware that their own troubles may be causing them to

ignore the problems of others this December, and a potential

romantic interest may be thwarted by unintentional selfishness.

Leo; July 23 August 22Leo is ruled by the heart, and strong feelings will cause conflict this

December as you struggle with some important choices. Seek advicewith those who have had similar experiences, as those closest to you

may not necessarily have the best ideas. Old arguments with a

friends may come to light again in the second half of the month; be

aware of the influence of your element, fire, and try not to let your

natural tendency to take control lead you astray.

Virgo; August 23 September 22A friend or family member may need your help this month and

your natural tendency towards compassion means youre likely to

forget your own priorities. Try to strike a healthy balance between

the needs of both of you and youll find the experience rewarding.

Take any romantic encounters with a pinch of salt this season, as

its possible they wont come to fruition as the New Year arrives.


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Libra; September 23 October 22Despite what your heart tells you this month, dont rush into things

with that person, as in the long run the results will be far more

rewarding. Unfortunately for you, youll still be feeling the weight of the

problems of others mid-month, but the second half of December brings

an opportunity for some time to yourself. Be sure to give yourself a

break from worrying, even if it means giving less of your time to others,

as come January youre set to come across some particularly conflicting

emotions, which youll be better prepared to face after time with your

own thoughts.

Scorpio; October 23 November 21Your natural tendency to battle things out against all odds continues,

and youll be successful this month as something you may have been

struggling with is resolved. Allow yourself time to rest after the last

months tensions and allow those closest to you to become closer. Single

Scorpio will find this a productive month for renewing old friendshipsand building on new ones, and those with a partner may find this

month one of the most exciting in their relationship.

Sagittarius; November 22 December 21December will be a stable yet busy month for Sagittarians andexcitement will really build mid-month as you approach a date thats

important to you. Your emotional and expressive nature may cause you

to burn out towards the end of the month take care to keep control of

yourself as January will bring experiences both new and repeated,

requiring all of your self-control and a lot of emotional energy! Single

Sagittarians may come across a newcomer who will play an important

role in the future be aware.


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Capricorn; December 22 January 19Many Capricorns have a tendency to become workaholics. Take a few

steps back when you find yourself working continuously early on this

month; it doesnt pay to wear yourself out. December will be a trying

month, as you may need to reorganise your priorities after a dispute

related to something in the past. This month, recognise your own

fallibility and accept the guidance offered to you near the end of the

month, as it could help you make a big decision about the coming year

which you didnt expect.

Aquarius; January 20 February 18Pressure on your personal values and change in what youre used to will

test your leadership skills in December, as people turn to you for advice.

Keep focused on whats really important as something draws your

attention away after the 23rd; it may not be what youd first expect.

December is a month of big responsibilities for you, and romance may

slip past your personal radar. Remember to be perceptive so that youdont miss an opportunity which may change your life.

Pisces; February 19 March 20Youve been feeling stressed this November, so welcome December with

outstretched arms, as it brings respite from these last few difficult

months. Almost at the end of your birth year, youll be feeling weary,

and its time to make some changes, led by someone you may meet from

the 14thonwards. Its worth taking a few leaps this month and maybe

even putting your trust in someone you wouldnt expect, as this may

yield exciting results for you. December is all about you this year, a time

to clear your head of confusions and enjoy the new experiences the

month will bring. Dont go in search of long-term relationships this

month, as a newcomer may throw a spanner in the works.


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Girl 1: How's your new supervisor?

Girl 2: *long pause* Hes very

enthusiasc. Its just well, Its

really quite hard to read a two page

email wrien enrely in capitals.

Very insistent

student in caf:

Cucumber IS a fruit.

*Girl 1 is in a Fitz kitchen cung up

a full size cake*

Girl 2: Woooh thats a big slice!

Girl 1 (confused): Well, theres four

of us. Quarters, no?

*Caf Convo between 3 girls*

Girl 1: Im going to hear Jesse Jackson

speak at the Union.

Girl 2: Thats cool, I'm sure thatll be

interesting.

Girl 1 (to Girl 3): See, SHE knows who

he is!

Girl 3: Ohhhh damn, that means is real-

ly is just me who doesnt.

Girl 2: Well Im not sure whichone he

is exactly, but one of Jackson 5, yes?

*silence*

Girl 1: I NEED NEW FRIENDS

Stop looking at me like

that. Its the knife, isnt it?

Im not even stabbing any-

thing at the moment!


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BILLY

BUTTERY

CHRISTMAS

COLLEGECAT

FITZMASFITZSKI

GOATPOST

JMA

MICHAELMAS

ONIONBOBBING

ONIONS

B Q Q J Z Y J G M N X H M E D

Y G Y Y P R J D X F P A X N Y

O L K O Q X N V C O U S P X K

Y N L N B K H N Y S F Y C T Y

K A I I K H N H F A J O Y L S

T D K O B Z R G Y M L D C G AN U S N N E A L N L S L J K M

H J Z S A B I A E E W Q U H Z

O K T Z F M O G O A T P O S T

S E I X J Y E B W H E P T V I

I H F R M C R K B C H A O C F

N W U K A O C H R I S T M A S

B U T T E R Y Y I M N T F J G

S I D V Q U E O C U N G P Q H

W K B V B O O O G A L N Z K V

Stephanie Richards


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GoodLu

ck!Nick Fox


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Guess the names of these college characters using the clues provided!

Rosie Busiakiewicz


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Dwn Kntr


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Th k t ll t ib t !

Goat Post - Christmas Issue

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