Goat Post Easter Term

Editors Laura Pugh and Alex Jackman

May Week Special!

- Exclusive interview with the new Master

- JMA Top Trumps

- ‘Overheard in Fitz’ Re-turns...

It’s Official. Goat Post has taken over the café literary scene, gen-eral convo of Fitz, and are covertly ruling the JMA with our danger-ously powerful, borderline corrupting, influence over student minds. Fitz Publications - aka The Goat Post - is going up in the world and we, your ever-devoted editors, have spanking brand new hoodies to prove it. You may have seen us parading around Fitz in them.

We have spent another term – or, an impressively rushed week having just finished exams – gathering lovely content /convinc-ing/coercing/occasionally emotionally blackmailing various mem-bers of the student body to share their wonderful literary and artis-tic talents for a marvellous cause! And by that, I mean you guys and your post exam term sanity, so feel honoured, saved, and gen-erally all warm inside. Forget those atrocious exams, May Week is here and so is your special May Week Edition of The Goat Post!

Take a sneaky peak. You’ve done enough revising. You DESERVE this moment to kick back and chill with a Goat Post.

Enjoy :)

Billy love,

Laura and Alex x

- Note from the Editors -

College News

JMA NEWS ROUND UP

“You’re “J-M-A”? You what? Oh nice. So, um… what does that mean? I mean, what have you done……….?!”

Auditorium now new venue for Ents of the future, launched with ‘Fitz Up Look Sharp’

Sam’s circuit sessions! You know you love the emails—even if you don’t go ;)

New Facebook Pages for Fitz Sport and The Goat Post

Ethical Fortnight, including debates, Fairtrade food sale and JUNGLE BOP!

More Bops! Valentines, Halfway hall, Christmas etc etc

Target/Access have continued their good work with the Shadowing scheme at Fitz —which saw more participants than ever this year!

Changes to JMA Constitution—will be a smaller executive JMA body with addi-tional roles grouped into subsections, each headed by a member of the executive.

New constitution will mean more links between MCR and JCR.

Bean Bag room currently in the process of being refurbished— pool table, rugs, games etc are on their way!

JMA request to have control over their own budget has now been approved .

New ‘Events’ account for lending money

Welfare C Card Scheme

New system of calculating rent by banding to increase fairness, and pulling up to corridors system now in place for freshers choosing second year rooms.

Freshers week wrist bands organised for 2013 which will allow entry to clubs throughout freshers week.

LGBT Ice Cream Nights!

Currently revamping Freshers handbook and Allternative Prospectus

And most importantly of all…The AMAZING new Goat Post magazine! ; )

College News

Laura Pugh interviews Criminal Law Fellow Nicky Pad-

field about her new position as Master and what may

be in store for the future of Fitz!

What made you apply for the position?

That’s an interesting question really. I think I applied for it because I felt that I wanted

to put my hat in the ring, so to say. If someone was appointed who we had all been

disappointed with, I know I would then have regretted not doing so.

What changes do you think you might make?

I certainly will be making changes but what they will be I don't know myself yet. I hope

I will be the sort of master who leads by consensus and will certainly go slowly at first,

but there are lots of things I think we could do better. One thing is better child care

arrangements for fellows of the college with young children, but that isn't a problem

that gets solved easily!

I hear you are changing the fresher's welcome with the Master from the traditional

“drinks and desert” to smaller sized tea parties—that’s very radical of you!

It may well be the most radical change I ever make. Rightly or wrongly, I thought it

may be nicer to meet the freshers in smaller groups as term goes on, when they have a

little more time than they do in fresher’s week. I hope it will be a change for the bet-

ter, although who knows!

How do you feel about being the first female master of Fitzwilliam?

For me personally, it isn't so very relevant, although for other people it is very much so.

College News I can also say I’m the first lawyer to become master, and so many other things. It’s

a very difficult issue getting the work—life balance and the issue of child rearing does

particularly effect women. I am a mum, I have a granddaughter, I have a research

world that I am passionate about. Squeezing all those things into your day is always

going to be difficult.

How will your current commitments and roles within college be changing when you

take on this additional role?

Well, I will no longer be a Personal Tutor for a start, I have been a tutor for 20

years, and stopping is a real sadness. I will stop being DOS for the lawyers. I will do

a little less lecturing, supervising and so on. At the moment I intend to continue

judging. I also currently edit a monthly magazine for practicing lawyers at the mo-

ment, and I will be stepping down as editor. Little things like that will go!

And will you and your family be moving into the Master’s Lodge? Your current house

is so very lovely that I cant imagine you wanting to sell! Surely it would be hard to

leave behind the tennis court, tree house, zip wire...

You are absolutely right about that. I will of course be moving into the Masters

Lodge but intend to find lovely tenants who will allow is to share the house and vis-

it. In fact, we have already found a PHD student and her daughter, who will be mov-

ing in. I’m excited to think a 7 year old will be living in it, it is very much a house

designed for children. I hope I will also find ways of making the masters lodge a useful

public space for other college events. I feel it should be part of the college fabric, and

a place students would be able to hold clubs, discussion groups or other such activi-

ties. My husband also intends to get more tandems (we do already have a few),

which we hope students may wish to go for rides on!

What are you most looking forward about becoming master?

It is a huge privilege. I think the most fun bits will be student focussed. I see the

students as the reason we are here. But I imagine the challenges will also be enor-

mous. Of course fundraising is one. Successful fundraising would certainly bring a lot of

excitement. Should any of your readers know any millionaires do send them my way!

Thank you very much, and Good Luck in your new post next year!

Features

Bored of Balls??

What do around Cam-bridge in May Week

Visit Ascension Parish Burial Ground

Made famous by its recent appearance on the Tab, us Goat Post hipsters have long been visiting this tranquil churchyard. Ludwig Wittgenstein and Ar-thur Eddington are among the academics interred beneath its yews. Visiting at sunset is particularly atmospheric. Finish your visit with a stroll through the private and slightly creepy University Farm next door, from where you can watch the sun set over the fens.

Go for a bike ride

Cambridge is really very flat. Take advantage and cycle gently out to Fen Ditton or Madingley, both of which have quiet pubs (note: do not drink and cycle).

Or, if you're more adventurous, head further afield: Ely is less than 20 miles away… Maybe have a Cycle down to the Botanical Gardens, FREE for Cambridge students.

Visit the other Fitz

The Fitzwilliam Museum is world-class: how many small towns can boast a gallery which includes works by Monet, Titian and Constable? Sit in front of Les Peuplars and feel your hangover dissolve. Or, head downstairs for good coffee and a huge collection of 19th century porcelain, of that's more your thing. Best of all, it's totally free.

Go punting...ON THE CHEAP!

We recently discovered that the MCR has organised a half-price punt deal with Scudamore's, which was very nice of them. Take Pimm's and strawberries. Try bridge jumping. Don't down your nose at tour-ists - they can't help that they don't go here.

Finally see a student show

The Footlights tour show "Canada" hits the ADC

this week, and is especially recommended for anyone who plans to hipster it up in Edinburgh this summer by telling everyone how they saw Footlights BE-FORE THEY TOURED. Outside the

ADC, there are open-air performances of The Taming of the Shrew (in Queen's) and Twelfth Night (at sunset in Clare's Fellows' Garden) on offer.

Eat out

And don't settle for that Domino's rubbish. Have a dosa (a huge, crispy pancake filled with curry, basi-cally) at Cocum (£6), drown in a Byron's milkshake (£4), or if you really revised hard, treat yourself to the lunch menu at Michelin-starred Ali-mentum - a mere £18.50 for 2 courses of some of the best food in Cambridge.

Have a picnic on grove lawn

Get out the picnic blankets, get out the French bread, gapes and cheese and have a good old fashioned pic-nic in the sunshine. Summer dresses, the rare phe-nomenon that is Cambridge grass you’re allowed to sit on , plenty of Pimms and strawberries—what could be better?

Tour the Cambridge Colleges

Go see Johns Chapel, Peterhouse deer, Emma’s Duck pond, Marlowe’s room at Corpus Christi, ex-perience evensong at Kings — if you’re feeling espe-cially adventurous, finishing off your Grand Tour by hunting out the great unknown that is Hommerton!

Visit Grantchester Meadows

It’s a classic. And it’s a classic for a reason.

Swim in the Cam

Take swim clothes (or don't—for the more liberal minded) wjile off on your bike rides, college tours etc, and have a swin in the cam. The ‘upper river’ (between King’s Mill Weir, Granta Place, and Byron’s Pool) has been designated as an ‘authorised bathing place’ and the safest part to swim in.

Features

Features

Bored of Balls??

What do around Cam-bridge in May Week

Visit Ascension Parish Burial Ground

Made famous by its recent appearance on the Tab, us Goat Post hipsters have long been visiting this tranquil churchyard. Ludwig Wittgenstein and Ar-thur Eddington are among the academics interred beneath its yews. Visiting at sunset is particularly atmospheric. Finish your visit with a stroll through the private and slightly creepy University Farm next door, from where you can watch the sun set over the fens.

Go for a bike ride

Cambridge is really very flat. Take advantage and cycle gently out to Fen Ditton or Madingley, both of which have quiet pubs (note: do not drink and cycle).

Or, if you're more adventurous, head further afield: Ely is less than 20 miles away… Maybe have a Cycle down to the Botanical Gardens, FREE for Cambridge students.

Visit the other Fitz

The Fitzwilliam Museum is world-class: how many small towns can boast a gallery which includes works by Monet, Titian and Constable? Sit in front of Les Peuplars and feel your hangover dissolve. Or, head downstairs for good coffee and a huge collection of 19th century porcelain, of that's more your thing. Best of all, it's totally free.

Go punting...ON THE CHEAP!

We recently discovered that the MCR has organised a half-price punt deal with Scudamore's, which was very nice of them. Take Pimm's and strawberries. Try bridge jumping. Don't down your nose at tour-ists - they can't help that they don't go here.

Finally see a student show

The Footlights tour show "Canada" hits the ADC

this week, and is especially recommended for anyone who plans to hipster it up in Edinburgh this summer by telling everyone how they saw Footlights BE-FORE THEY TOURED. Outside the

ADC, there are open-air performances of The Taming of the Shrew (in Queen's) and Twelfth Night (at sunset in Clare's Fellows' Garden) on offer.

Eat out

And don't settle for that Domino's rubbish. Have a dosa (a huge, crispy pancake filled with curry, basi-cally) at Cocum (£6), drown in a Byron's milkshake (£4), or if you really revised hard, treat yourself to the lunch menu at Michelin-starred Ali-mentum - a mere £18.50 for 2 courses of some of the best food in Cambridge.

Have a picnic on grove lawn

Get out the picnic blankets, get out the French bread, gapes and cheese and have a good old fashioned pic-nic in the sunshine. Summer dresses, the rare phe-nomenon that is Cambridge grass you’re allowed to sit on , plenty of Pimms and strawberries—what could be better?

Tour the Cambridge Colleges

Go see Johns Chapel, Peterhouse deer, Emma’s Duck pond, Marlowe’s room at Corpus Christi, ex-perience evensong at Kings — if you’re feeling espe-cially adventurous, finishing off your Grand Tour by hunting out the great unknown that is Hommerton!

Visit Grantchester Meadows

It’s a classic. And it’s a classic for a reason.

Swim in the Cam

Take swim clothes (or don't—for the more liberal minded) wjile off on your bike rides, college tours etc, and have a swin in the cam. The ‘upper river’ (between King’s Mill Weir, Granta Place, and Byron’s Pool) has been designated as an ‘authorised bathing place’ and the safest part to swim in.

Features

The Goat Post chats to first year natsci David

Roper about taking on RideLondon - the

100mile cycle route made famous by London’s

2012 Olympians - in support of OCD UK.

-How did you come to be taking part in the RideLondon 100 Cycling event? Are you and Josh keen cyclists or is this all very new for you?

I’m a member of OCD UK, and they were advertising places of their RideLondon 100 team for this summer. They were too members short, so Josh and I thought It’d be nice to take part. We’re both pretty keen sportsman, but neither of us have done much race cycling – but we’ll give it ago, we’re getting better all the time.

- 100 miles is a pretty long distance! How is training going??

Training was going really well at the start of the term, but with exams we’ve slacked off a little bit. We’ve still got a reasonable amount of time when we go home to get in tip top shape – the hardest work still ahead of us. Lots of early morning cycles over the summer, and we’ll be ready.

- DO you have any strategies to keep yourself going while you’re complet-ing the cycle itself?

I think we’re going to resort to music; get ourselves an epic 7 hour playlist for the ride and see how it goes. We’ll have lots of energy boosting food, a large amounts of water. They’ve set up three stops on the route, where we can break for the loo, and get some lunch – so spending enough recovery time at these sites is going to be vital.

Features

- What made you chose OCD UK as your charity?

I was diagnosed with OCD two and a half years ago, and we’re both strong sup-porters of the charity. They do great things with raising awareness for the con-dition; they do so with such a low budget its mind boggling. The money raised from us taking part will genuinely make a difference for the charity.

- How can people donate?

People can either provide cash donations to Josh or me, or head over to www.justgiving.com/daveandafrojoshridelondon100 to donate online. Any donations would be greatly appreciated.

We completely understand that they are many charities that deserve donations, but OCD research and awareness funding is at stupendously low levels; consid-ering the effect the condition has on people’s lives, the cause can use all the money it can get. If you don’t have the funds to donate, still check out www.ocduk.org for some more information on the condition and the kind of work the charity do.

Features

Culture

Fitz at the

Jess Wolinski—Producer

Snap Out Of It!”

Date: 31 July-25 August

Time: 11.00

Venue: C Venues-C Nova

“Mental health issues: myth or fact? Based on interviews, con-versations, questionnaires and emails gathered over the past year, Snap Out Of It! tells the stories of real people experi-encing mental health issues in the UK today. Touching, fun-ny and thought-provoking. 'A masterpiece' ***** (Varsity).”

Jess Wolinski—: Producer

‘Show: Chaucer All Strung Up (The Franklin's Tale)'

Date: 31 July– 26 August

Time: 14.00

Venue: C Venues–C Nova

“The Canterbury Tales as you’ve never seen them before! Using aerial acrobatics, puppetry, live music and dance, quirky but lovable characters invite you to be-come a part of a tale of lost lovers, deception, trickery and revelry, told with the expressive colour of circus. A journey of magic and discovery, appealing to adults and children alike.”

Seb Sutcliffe-Writer/Performer

Footlights free Show

“In addition to their main shows, the Cambridge Footlights present an hour of stand-up, songs, mono-logues and more in association with the Free Fringe. Come and see some of the brightest, up-and-coming young comedians around for free!”

Culture

Culture

Rachel Hunter - Producer

Pick Me Up

Venue: Just the Tonic @ The Caves

Date: 1-25 August

Time: 19:40

“Pick Me Up—a sketch comedy directed by Ahir Shah. Recently graduated from the Cambridge Footlights, this group includes writers and per-formers of the sell-out Footlights’ International

Tour Show 2012, Perfect Strangers. Pick Me Up, promises to use a combination of atmospheric setting, strong characterisation, and jokes, to change your entire life for an hour.”

Jessica Poon—Assistant Direcor

The Way Back’

Venue: Underbelly, Cowgate

Date: 1-25 August

Time: 12.50

“ Poignant, stimulating, witty and

entertaining, Way Back is a genuine-

ly daring new comedy, sensitively

exploring the taboo themes of sui-

cide, existential crises, and tooth-

paste.”

Will Flinn-Playing Leon Czolgosz, assassin of President Mckinley

Show: Assassins

Venue: Grand Theatre, Surgeons Hall

Times: 2-4pm

Date: 12-23 August

“All you have to do is squeeze your little finger, you can change the world. Set in a fairground shooting gallery, Assassins follows nine historical figures as they attempt to assassinate the President of the United States. The show is as varied as the characters themselves,

contrasting moments of humour with dark and thought-provoking scenes..”

Culture

Laura Pugh chats to Jess Wolinksi

about the glamorous life of a student producer...

How did you get into producing student theatre?

I didn't do a thing in my first year., then someone told me about the website 'Camdram'. It's

basically a list of every show that is being put on, and it includes adverts for all the positions

that need filling. And I noticed a vacancy for Assistant Producer on The Spanish Tragedy in

King's College Chapel in November. It sounded really interesting and there were quite a lot

of other producers already on board, so I thought it was unlikely to have a very high work-

load. I sent an email asking about what they'd like me to do and whether they'd have me and

they said yes! I've never looked back!

What does producing a show in Cambridge entail?

Basically, doing everything necessary in order for a show to be put on, allowing the director

and actors concentrate on the more creative aspects. Anything from finding a production

team to ordering the publicity, from booking rehearsal spaces to finding funding, and every-

thing else in between! If you want, you can also have a bit of a creative input. It's basically the

Producer's job to sell a show.

The Producer is often also responsible for doing odd-jobs when there's no-one else to do

them. I've found myself making paper mache sheep, painting floors, rigging lights, building

stages and operating the lighting desk. It's a great role for trying your hand at a bit of every-

thing!

I hear your May Week is pretty busy - what are you

up to?!

Too much! I originally just signed up for two shows; to

produce Twelfth Night in Clare College gardens, and to

make puppets for The Twits at the ADC. But then a

couple of friends called up favours, and I've ended up

doing four shows. It's slowly killing me, and I'm pretty

sure I'm doing more work for these than I did in the

run-up to my exams, but it's great fun! The Twits, in particular, has turned our to be fantastic

- my room is currently full of monkeys and birds!

Culture

You're also taking 2 shows to the fringe - tell us some more about them?

Yep! One of them was put on last term - 'Snap Out Of It!', and is an exploration of the stigma sur-

rounding mental health issues, ranging from depression to PTSD. It's not the most cheery of topics,

but it's something that's very important to me, and something which I feel more people need know

more about. We're also taking up another show called 'Chaucer All Strung Up' which is a creative

retelling of The Franklin's Tale from The Canterbury Tales, which features lots unusual techniques in-

cluding aerial silks, trapeze and circus skills. Quite different from 'Snap Out Of It!'.

Have you aver taken a show to the fringe before?

I've been to the Fringe twice as a spectator, but never as a production member. It's quite scary be-

cause I've not got a clue what I'm doing, and it's costing a lot of money which we don't necessarily

have yet, but it's also exceptionally exciting! If you've never been to the Fringe before, you must

go at some time in your life! It's so exciting and there's so much to do, and see, and participate in.

What would be your dream show to produce?

I love Shakespeare and Renaissance drama - so there's probably

a lot more of that on the cards for next year, particularly consid-

ering its the 450th anniversary of Marlowe's birth! The Marlowe

Society are aiming to put on all of his plays throughout the year,

which will be exceptionally exciting. But I also have a couple of

ideas on the cards for some more raucous nights of theatre

which should appeal to everyone, not just Shakespeare nerds! I

hate the preconception that theatre is boring and a waste of an

hour of your life. Theatre should be spectacular and awe-

some, in the true sense of the word!

Any words of advice for anyone thinking of trying their hand

at theatre?

There's a preconception that Cambridge theatre is elitist and

impossible to get in to unless you "know people", but that's defi-

nitely NOT the case. Of course there are going to be groups of people who have worked together

time and time again, but that doesn't mean that there's no way in. If you get turned down at one au-

dition, try again with something else. If you don't like acting, have a go at something a bit more tech-

nical. There is a huge lack of people with technical expertise, and we're forever looking for fresh meat

to try their hands at lighting design or stage management. There's a huge amount of work goes into

any Cambridge show, and there's always room for one more person...

Jess Wolinski is a second year English student. If you'd like to ask her any questions about the shows

she's doing or has in the pipeline, producing, Cambridge theatre, or drama in general, she'd be more

than happy to answer your questions! Just drop her an email on jjw62.

Culture

‘Fitzwilliam College’

Culture

Culture

‘Ma

y W

eek G

oa

ts’ —

by D

aw

n K

ante

r

Culture

?

guess the subjects studied by these FIVE stu-

dents from (the state of) their bedrooms...

1.

1.

Light-hearted Stuff just for Funs


?

2

3.


?

4.



?

5.

1 = Law, 2 = English, 3 = Modern Foreign Languages

(Spanish/Italian), 4 = Veterinary Science, 5 = Architecture,

Light-hearted Stuff just for Funs Light-hearted Stuff just for Funs


Light hearted stuff just for funs

“Shit!”

“Hey - I don’t think Ive ever heard you swear before!”

“That was before ex-am term”

1. It’s controversial but I’m gonna go there: SLEEP!—whenever you can, where ever you can. Any moment you are not raving it up at a ball, garden party, impromptu Gantchester ramble for the more romantic minded—SLEEP.

2. When you realise this first option doesn't work all that well in practice because THERE IS NO TIME—Red bull is the answer. And apparently Proplus tablets so I hear?!

3. EXTRA CLOTHES for Balls (except when busy skinny dipping in the cam) Ball dresses are rarely designed for cold summer nights. They really should be (why aren't they?!???) but strangely they are not. Take a bag of extra jumpers, coats, leggings (no one can even see them if you have a long dress) , hats, scarves gloves, balaclavas (no one can see its you).

4. On a similar (ish) note: Girls—SPARE FLAT SHOES. Need I explain further?

5. Similar note 2 —Apparently spare fake eyelashes are also essential?! [NB– Despite apparent randomness, suggestion came from a girl who lost one and couldn't get the other one off half way through a ball. Take heed.]

6. DO NOT exit ultra posh balls (Trinity, Johns, you know the ones) in com-promising clothes/positions/various states of being—Most people could-n't give a shit. After all, its 6am. Who gives a shit at 6am?! Turns out sad daily mail reporters presumably without beds to be in do.

7. Especially DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT exit said balls wearing full ball dress set to advantage by flamingo /Palm tree sunglasses and the jaunty angle of your traffic cone “hat”. It doesn't end well. Some people don’t understand style.

Yours,

Anonymous saviour of your May Week

Light hearted stuff just for funs

*Discussing 48hr geog coursework/exam*

“I heard some people just don’t sleep for the

whole thing, they just keep on going.”

“So, like May Week?”

“errr Not quite.”

Like your top!

Thanks— me too! I do think it makes me look like ive got gills though.

Gills??!

Yeah.

… … … oh.

“Shit!”

“Hey - I don’t think Ive ever heard you swear before!”

“That was before ex-am term”

Indignant Student 1: “…There’s so many deaths. All I’m saying, is that is

you were to classify the bible, it’s gotta be a Tragedy.”

Doubtful Student 2: “What about Jesus? The bible’s got a happy ending.

Doesn’t that makes it Comedy regardless of all the deaths before?

Student 1: “… its not a happy ending if there’s no marriages though.”

I’m a goat. “Did you see that quote

on Overheard in Fitz? You

know, the one that is basi-

cally referring to itself?”

“ I don’t get all this stuff

about meta. Does anyone

even know what it

means?”

Food, health and lifestyle. The cookery section

Bath Gnocchi, or, Indiana Jones and the Gnocchi of Toom.

Fresh tomato makes this dish redder than my trousers!

1. Press a clove of garlic, chop some

fresh tomatoes into small bits and

chop some chorizo according to your

preference

2. Cook the garlic and chorizo a bit

then add the tomatoes. Don’t let the

garlic turn brown!

3. Cook the gnocchi

4. Combine all of it

5. Eat in the bath after a hard day of

filming Nick Harris and moderating

Tab comments

Thanks to Max Toomey

Nick’s Jaffa Cakes

1. Eat some Jaffa Cakes.

2. Swear as someone else tries to steal

said Jaffa Cakes.

Thanks to Nick Harris


Health Tips

•“Mens sana in sana corpore” –

that’s Latin for “insane body in a

men’s sauna”. The Romans knew

how to pass exams, so take their

advice, avoid steamy, masculine

rooms. Treat your body like a tem-

ple (Note: does not mean bury it in

sand for 3000 years (LOLOLOLOL))

Proposed buttery changes

The JMA supports democracy as a good way to promote a healthy

community, so the new buttery menu below is designed to reflect the

eating habits of the majority of the population of the college.



Aries – You make plans, but do not always stick to them, and

though you are surrounded by others, you sometimes feel

alone. Yet while some things may come to fruition, and others

will not, the fact that you see truth in these vague statements

probably means you’ve totally lost track of the fine line be-

tween the banal and the profound. You may or may not read

PPS.

Taurus – After one jagerbomb too many, you attain enlighten-

ment and notice that Life is actually

really, really bad. Go outside into the alley to deal with your im-

pending existential crisis.

Gemini – While hilarious, saying “I’ll “C” your “V”!’ whenever

someone mentions careers is unlikely

to land you an internship in derivatives trading.

Cancer – The highly mystical combination of Mars Venus, Sat-

urn AND Pluto will cause trees around you to spontaneously

combust. Yes they will. For sure.

Leo – If you are a short, attractive, Irish, Catholic female, this

would be an excellent month to phone

07896556922

Virgo – Ha. Oh ha ha ha. hahaHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD VIR-

GO this is just...TOO GOOD. Priceless! Oh you...no, you don’t

want to know, no, you...but...haha, that is just brilliant. Enjoy



this term while it lasts.

Libra – The word libra looks a lot like library, and that’s the

closest you’ve come to one all year. This

link may help: www.admissions.angliaruskin.ac.uk

Scorpio – I don’t know how people do this for a living, I’ve done

like 3 star signs and I can’t think of

anything else. You will have worked and slept this term, Scor-

pio. Will that do?

Sagittarius – By pressing “reply to all”, you will start a chain

reaction which results in a grumpy note from your DoS, social

rejection in the buttery, and four separate military coups in

sub-Saharan Africa. I know, it’s awkward when your DoS gets

involved.

Capricorn – There’s a reason there’s no sign of The Goat Post in

the zodiac – it’s because Capricorn IS A MUCH BETTER NAME.

Aquarius - If your exams are late, you will resent the happy

students whiling away the hours till May Week with ice creams

on the lawn. If your exams are early, you will curse the extra

week of revision given to those Land Ecs,, it’s not even like

they need it etc etc.

Pisces - You will meet a tall, dark, handsome college-magazine-

editor.

Sport

Photo Review - Amalgamated Sports 2013 Photos by Cameron Standage

Sport

However drunk, it is never a good idea to confess to a Boat

Club Captain a long held desire to row. Rowing initially lured us

into a false sense of security. What were all the complaints of

cold, dark, early mornings about? We met Amber in brilliant

sunshine and after a quick go on the ergs, lounged around in the

sun, practising our stroke in a boat which didn’t move, with a

blade more hole than surface.

Our second “outing” was even more of a long summer after-

noon than the first. Middle of the day, we gently paddled up

and down in the tub, our feet bathed with the Cam, which trick-

led through the holes in the bottom of the boat as we slowly

sank. The world of the Boaties was gloriously undiscovered, and

weeks of relaxing afternoons slowly toning our legs stretched

before us.

Then four absolute beginners ventured into a four. We can

blame neither the fog, nor the no-

torious instability of fours for the

number of times we crashed.

Fined for screaming and giggling

our way down the river, it be-

came obvious that rowing wasn’t

quite the leisurely pastime, perfect

for de-stressing in exam term,

which we had come to expect.

That week we rowed six days out

of seven.

But things did slowly improve. In spite of nearly rowing over the

weir, nearly killing some ducklings, and far too frequently nearly

Sport

After a few false starts, Emily Clayton discovers the world of “The Boatie”

capsizing, we have for the most part avoided disaster. After

demonstrating neither the requisite balance nor flexibility at

Mary Young’s Monday morning Balance and Flexibility, com-

ing very close to throwing up in spite of rowing 500m nearly

30 seconds slower than M1 manage 1000m, and at least in-

tending to go if not actually making it to circuits, I feel I have

at least tried to become a proper boatie.

And W3, in spite of all the trauma, made it to bumps for the

first time ever in Fitz history! We rowed over once, bumped

twice and were bumped ourselves once - but only so we could

enjoy the complete bumps experience. The seemingly une-

qualled proportion of hungover (and on occasion still drunk!)

rowers in our boat may have given the impression that we per-

haps did not take bumps as seriously as other boats. But as Ni-

cola’s sleep deprivation, Maris’ arms, Daisy’s shouting, Jennie’s

thighs, Rui’s amazement, Shobha’s hands, Jemima’s squeals, my

limp, and Helen’s hand-tan and sore throat show, in spite of

John’s barely suppressed laughter at our lack of speed, we real-

ly did all put our bodies on the line. But anything would have

been worth BCD.

Sport Sport

Sport

...IN PHOTOS!!

Sport

Sport Sport

Sport

2012-13 has been a vintage year for Fitzwilliam Sport, there’s no doubt about it. Even for a college renowned for being sporty (books, after all, are long and bor-ing) the success attained by a num-ber of teams has been remarkable. On top of that, participation in sport has increased, and there is no better example of this than Wom-

en’s Football. Captains Grace Car-roll and Elektra Lapavitsas have built on last year’s foundations and put together a squad strong enough to win the League and get to the final of Cuppers, where they unfortunately succumbed to Christ’s.

This wasn’t the only footballing success of the year. The Men’s 3rds reached the Vased final (losing to Jesus), the 2nds won their league and the 1sts recorded an historic double, winning both the CUAFL Premier League and Cuppers. This has served to add to Fitz’s bur-geoning reputation as a force to be reckoned with on the football pitch.

Sport Sport

Sport

Elsewhere, there was yet an-other final reached, this time by the Rugby team, who lost to a strong Emmanuel side in the Plate. Despite a strong first-half performance, after which Fitz held the lead, they spent much of the second peri-od camped in their own terri-tory, and they eventually

yielded.

Netball provided more league success for Fitz, as did Water Polo, both sides winning their respective leagues. Fitz’s Women managed an impres-sive 2nd place in Swimming Cuppers, with the men in 6th. Elsewhere, clubs like Tennis, Squash and Basketball are still go-ing strong, adding to the great sense of sporting participation

that exists within the College.

Sam Hobbs

Sport

Thanks to all our contributors!

We hope you enjoyed this Issue of The Goat Post

To contribute a future issue contact editors

Laura Pugh (lsp29) or Alex Jackman (ajj47)

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