FOUNDATIONS OF SHEPHERDING - Christian Book ...

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S HE P HE R D IN G O T HE R S

FOUNDATIONS OF SHEPHERDING

All Israel came together to David at Hebron and said, “We are your own flesh and blood. In the past, even while Saul was king, you were the one who led Israel on their military campaigns. And the Lord your God said to you, ‘You will shepherd my peo-ple Israel, and you will become their ruler.’ ”

When all the elders of Israel had come to King David at Hebron, he made a covenant with them at Hebron before the Lord, and they anointed David king over Israel, as the Lord had promised through Samuel.

1 Chronicles 11:1–3

People have all kinds of images for pastors and church leaders—chief executive, CEO, counselor, best friend, community organizer—but there’s one biblical image that trumps all these

contemporary expectations for pastors: shepherd. As Gordon MacDonald writes, “References to a shepherd’s work dot the Scriptures. . . . The word shepherd is the root, of course, of the word pastor in the church section of the New Testament. We think of pastor as a religious word. Ancients thought of pastor as a business word.”

In 1 Chronicles 11, when God formally appointed David as king over Israel, God said that David would “shepherd” the people. Then in 1 Chronicles 17:6, God implied that every leader was commanded to shepherd his people.

The role usually came with a specific job description. Shepherds led their flock, making sure the sheep had water and rest. They fed their flock. And they guarded their flock—with their lives, if necessary—from dangerous enemies. It’s a simple job description, but one that isn’t easy. That’s why the New Testament reminds us that we can’t shepherd others unless we stay close to Jesus, the True Shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep.

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S P IR I T UA L L E A D E R S HIP

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The Role of a ShepherdGordon MacDonald

Shepherding is one of the world’s oldest professions. References to a shepherd’s work dot the Scriptures. In the Old Testament, Israel’s God is likened to a shepherd. Several of the Bible’s greatest men (Moses, David, and Amos, for example) were shepherds in their youthful years. And the word shepherd is the root, of course, of the word pastor in the church section of the New Testament. We think of pastor as a religious word. Ancients thought of pastor as a business word.

A shepherd’s job description was simple: guiding sheep to places where they will be healthy, safe, fed, watered, and profitable (their wool, their milk, and—sometimes—their meat). Most people raised in a church learned that shepherds do not drive sheep (only butch-ers do that); they lead them. And they do it patiently.

The Twenty-Third Psalm is the ultimate description of the competent shepherd. Here the shepherd is God himself. “Because the Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing,” the writer begins. Because of him I rest and graze in green pastures. I am refreshed by quiet waters. I am guided into safe pathways. And I am not afraid in the face of danger.

When predators appear, I am defended by my shepherd’s rod. If I fall into a crevice, I am rescued by his staff. Should I be injured, I am doused with his healing oil. And, best of all, I am sure that I shall be so shepherded forever. In other words, my shepherd is absolutely, un-swervingly faithful.

The work of a shepherd, known to almost all ancient people, became the biblical model for would-be Christian leaders. When Paul met with the leaders of the Ephesian congregation, probably for the last time, what most concerned him about the church’s future? Their spiritual safety, their cohesion as followers of Jesus. Paul said, “Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock” (Acts 20:28–29). It’s probable that this brief quote is a summation of several hours of conversation, a condensation of one of Paul’s most important statements on pastoral theology: the practice of caring for and discipling people. Note the key words: watch, flock, shepherds, blood, wolves—all sheep-business lingo. Reflect on them for a moment. They shouldn’t be blown off or dismissed as archaic.

• Watch. The word described the vigilance of a shepherd toward any potential threats to his sheep: dangerous terrain, poisonous plants, hungry predators, adverse weather, diseases and injuries. For Paul, that alertness paralleled the idea of guarding people against threats to their faith.

• Flock. The “community of sheep”—but now, of course, Paul speaks of people: people who may be or may not be intelligent, successful, or socially connected but who are, spiritually speaking, highly vulnerable. Interesting! Paul did not liken the Ephesian congregation to a pride of lions. Rather, he compared them to animals that are virtually defenseless.


Foundations of Shepherding

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• Shepherds. Not very classy as a rule, a shepherd was usually the youngest son in the family line or he was a man perceived as a social outcast. Religious art notwithstanding, there was absolutely no glamour in being a shepherd. Why couldn’t Paul have likened pastors to Olympic athletes or physicians?

• Blood. In ancient times, blood was the supreme currency: to say that something was bought with one’s blood conveyed the notion of ultimate value. Thus, in Paul’s view, the Ephesian “flock” was priceless. The bottom line was that these pastoral leaders could ill afford to be cavalier about their responsibilities.

• Wolves. One of several kinds of predators that preyed upon sheep, in this context wolves are the bad guys—false teachers, persecutors, creators of congregational confusion. And the shepherds were charged with preventing them from getting close to the flock.

These final words spoken to the Ephesians were not about evangelism, not about organiza-tional vision, not even about a style of worship. These words were about pastoral responsibility: as-suring the soundness and safety of the people already in the flock. That is the core of a pastor’s job.

Shepherding as Personal PresenceHenri Nouwen

From the beginning of my life, two voices have been speaking to me: one saying, “Henri, be sure you make it on your own. Be sure you become an independent person. Be sure I can be proud of you,” and another voice saying, “Henri, whatever you are going to do, even if you don’t do anything very interesting in the eyes of the world, be sure you stay close to the heart of Jesus; be sure you stay close to the love of God.” I tried hard to keep those two voices to-gether—the voice calling me upward and the voice calling me downward.

Early in life I pleased my father and mother immensely by studying, then teaching, and then becoming somewhat well known, going to Notre Dame, Yale, and Harvard. I pleased a lot of people doing so and also pleased myself.

But somewhere on the way up, I wondered if I was still in touch with my vocation. I began noticing this when I found myself speaking to thousands of people about humility and at the same time wondering what they were thinking of me. I didn’t feel peaceful. Actually, I felt lonely. I didn’t know where I belonged. I was pretty good on the platform but not always that good in my own heart. I began to wonder if, perhaps, my career hadn’t gotten in the way of my vocation.

So, I began to pray: “Lord Jesus, let me know where you want me to go, and I will follow you. But please be clear about it. No ambiguous messages!” I prayed this over and over.

Shortly after this, I met Jean Vanier, the founder of L’Arche, a network of Christians that live in community with persons with disabilities. He didn’t ask me to be useful; he didn’t ask me to work for handicapped people. He simply said, “Maybe we can offer you a home.”

I responded to the call to become a priest at Daybreak, a L’Arche community near Toronto, a community of fifty handicapped people and fifty assistants. The first thing asked of me was to



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work with Adam. (Of all names, Adam! It sounded like working with humanity itself.) Adam, a twentyfouryearold, couldn’t speak. He couldn’t walk. He couldn’t dress or undress himself. You never really knew if he recognized you or not. His body was deformed, his back distorted, and he suffered from frequent epileptic seizures.

At first with Adam I was afraid. “Don’t worry,” they assured me.I was a university professor; I’d never touched anyone very closely. And here was Adam—

hold him!At 7:00 in the morning, I went to his room. I took off his clothes, held him up, and carefully

walked with him to the bathroom. I was frightened because I thought he might have a seizure. I struggled to lift him into the bathtub, as he was as heavy as I am. I started to pour water over him, wash him, shampoo his hair, and take him out again to brush his teeth, comb his hair, and return him to his bed. Then I dressed him in what clothes I could find and took him to the kitchen.

I sat him at the table and started to give him his breakfast. The only thing he could do was lift the spoon to his mouth. I sat there and watched him. It took about an hour. I never had been with anyone for a whole hour, just watching to see if he could eat.

Then something transpired: after two weeks, I was a little less frightened. After three or four weeks, it dawned on me that I was thinking a lot about Adam and looking forward to being with him. I realized something was happening between us—something intimate and beautiful that was of God. I don’t even know how to say it very well.

This broken man was the place where God was speaking to me in a new way. Little by little, I discovered affection in myself and came to believe that Adam and I belonged together. To put it simply, Adam taught me about God’s love in a concrete way.

First, he taught me that being is more important than doing, that God wants me to be with him and not do all sorts of things to prove I’m valuable. My life had been doing, doing, doing. I’m a driven person, wanting to do thousands and thousands of things so that I can show—somehow, finally—that I’m worthwhile.

People had said, “Henri, you’re okay.” But now, here with Adam, I heard, “I don’t care what you do, as long as you will be with me.” It wasn’t easy just to be with Adam. It isn’t easy simply to be with a person and not do much.

All at once I saw that what makes a human being human is the heart with which he can give and receive love. Adam was giving me an enormous amount of God’s love, and I was giving Adam of my love. There was an intimacy that went far beyond words or acts.

I also realized Adam wasn’t just a disabled person, less human than myself or other people. He was a fully human being, so fully human that he was chosen by God to become the instrument of his love. Adam was so vulnerable, so weak, and so empty that he became just heart—the heart in which God wanted to dwell, in which he wanted to speak to those who came close to his vulnerable heart. Adam was a full human being, not half human or less human. God wanted to dwell in Adam’s broken person so that he could speak from that vulnerability into the world of strength and call people to become vulnerable.

Finally, Adam taught me something that should have been obvious: Doing things together is more important than doing things alone. I came from a world concerned with doing things on one’s own, but here was Adam, so weak and vulnerable. I couldn’t help Adam alone. We needed



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all sorts of people. We had people from Brazil, the United States, Canada, and Holland—young, old, living together in one house around Adam and other handicapped people.

I came to understand that Adam, the weakest among us, created community. He it was who brought us together; his needs and his vulnerability made us into a true community. With all our differences, we could not have survived as a community if Adam hadn’t been there. His weakness became our strength. His weakness made us into a loving community. His weakness invited us to forgive one another, to calm our arguments, to be with him.

That’s what I’m learning. I’ve been at Daybreak only three years, and it’s not easy. In many ways, Notre Dame, Yale, and Harvard were easier. But it is a vocation for me. I want to stay and be faithful.

Permission for this article was granted by the Chicago Radio Hour.

Shepherding as Curing SoulsEugene H. Peterson

Too often, in the bustle of “running a church” something essential gets overlooked: the pastoral work of “curing souls.” There’s no better phrase to capture the essence of shepherding.

Defining the phrase “cure of souls.”The primary sense of care in Latin is cura, with undertones of “cure.” The soul is the essence of the human personality. The cure of souls, then, is the Scripture-directed, prayer-shaped care that is devoted to persons singly or in groups, in settings sacred and profane. It is a determina-tion to work at the center, to concentrate on the essential.

The cure of souls is not a specialized form of ministry (analogous, for instance, to the hospital chaplain or pastoral counselor). It is the essential pastoral work. It is not a narrowing of pastoral work to its devotional aspects—it is a way of life that uses weekday tasks, encoun-ters, and situations as the raw material for teaching prayer, developing faith, and preparing for a good death. Curing souls is a term that filters out what is introduced by a secularizing culture. It is also a term that identifies us with our ancestors and colleagues in ministry, lay and clerical, who are convinced that a life of prayer is the connective tissue between holy day proclamation and weekday discipleship.

Responding to God’s initiative.In running a church, pastors seize the initiative. They take charge. They take responsibility for motivation and recruitment, for leading the way and getting things started. If they don’t, things drift. Pastors are aware of the human tendency toward apathy and indolence, and they use their leadership position to counter it.

By contrast, the cure of souls is a cultivated awareness that God has already seized the initiative. The traditional doctrine defining this truth is prevenience: God everywhere and always seizes the initiative. He gets things going. Prevenience is the conviction that God has



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been working diligently, redemptively, and strategically before you or I appeared on the scene, before we were aware there was something here for us to do.

The cure of souls is a disciplined, determined conviction that everything we do is a response to God’s first word, his initiating act. We learn to be attentive to the divine action already in process so that the previously unheard word of God is heard, the previously unattended act of God noticed.

Runningthechurch questions are: “What do we do? How can we get things going again?” Cureofsouls questions are: “What has God been doing here? What traces of grace can I discern in this life? What history of love can I read in this group? What has God set in motion that I can get in on?”

Speaking the language of prayer.Pastors use language that is descriptive and motivational. They want people to be informed so there are no misunderstandings and motivated so things get done. But the cure of souls involves being far more interested in who people are and who they are becoming in Christ than in what they know or what they are doing.

Being committed to the cure of souls means making a decision to work at the heart of things, where we are most ourselves and where our relationships in faith and intimacy are developed. The primary language is the personal language of love and prayer. The pastoral vocation does not take place primarily in a school where subjects are taught, or in a barracks where assault forces are briefed for attacks on evil, but in a family—the place where love is learned, where birth takes place, where intimacy is deepened. Here pastors move beyond using language that describes and motivates. Instead they use spontaneous language: cries and exclamations, confessions and appreciations, words that the heart speaks.

Pastors have, of course, much to teach and much to get done, but their primary task is to be. The primary language of the cure of souls, therefore, is conversation and prayer. Being a pastor means learning to use language in which personal uniqueness is enhanced and individual sanctity is recognized and respected. It is a language that is unhurried, unforced, unexcited—the leisurely language of friends and lovers, which is also the language of prayer.

Embracing mystery versus solving problems.Wherever two or three are gathered together, problems develop. Egos are bruised, procedures get snarled, arrangements become confused, plans go awry, temperaments clash. There are policy problems, marriage problems, work problems, child problems, committee problems, emotional problems. Someone has to interpret, explain, work out new plans, develop better procedures, organize, and administer. Most pastors like to do this; it is satisfying to help make the rough places smooth.

The difficulty is that problem solving can become fulltime work. Because it is useful and the pastor typically does it well, the pastoral vocation can become subverted unintentionally. Gabriel Marcel wrote that life is not so much a problem to be solved as a mystery to be explored. That is certainly the biblical stance: life is not something we manage to hammer



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together and keep in repair by our wits; it is an unfathomable gift. We are immersed in mys-teries: incredible love, confounding evil, the creation, the cross, grace, God.

The secularized mind is terrorized by mysteries. Thus it makes lists, labels people, assigns roles, and solves problems. But a solved life is a reduced life. We live in a cult of experts who explain and solve. The vast technological apparatus around us gives the impression that there is a tool for everything if we can only afford it. Pastors cast in the role of spiritual technologists are hard put to keep that role from absorbing everything else, since there are so many things that need to be and can, in fact, be fixed.

If pastors become accomplices in treating every child as a problem to be figured out, ev-ery spouse as a problem to be dealt with, every clash of wills in choir or committee as a prob-lem to be adjudicated, they abdicate their most important work: discovering the presence of the cross in the paradoxes and chaos between Sundays, calling attention to the “splendor in the ordinary,” and, most of all, teaching a life of prayer to their friends and pilgrim compan-ions in the pilgrimage.

Shepherding as Guarding the FlockGordon MacDonald

One of the key jobs of the pastor-shepherd is guarding the flock. One is reminded of Ezekiel’s words: “You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the in-jured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost.” Based on the Bible’s de-scription of shepherding, these are the five essentials of what it means to guard the flock of God.

A shepherd trains “under-shepherds.”It’s not wise to enlarge a flock until there is a process in place for developing the next generation of shepherds to extend the ministry. And this development of new shepherds cannot be del-egated. It must be driven by the lead pastor lest it be perceived as of only secondary importance.

A shepherd teaches the Bible and its application.Those who locate themselves in the orthodox stream of Christianity are said to be people of “The Book.” That book reveals God to us in the life and death of Jesus Christ. By this book, Christians live and have their hope. So it follows that a pastor safeguards this nourishment.

Yet why does it feel as if huge numbers of church-goers of all ages no longer have intimate knowledge of the Bible? Why are too many ignorant of the core Bible stories? The defining passages of Scripture? The unique values and convictions that define Christians as they move through the larger world? Why does it sometimes seem as if many Christians are more pas-sionate about their politics than their knowledge of Scripture?

Pastors must realize that no matter how smart or sophisticated their congregation might be, these people still struggle to love their spouses, relate to their children, or build solid friendships. The pastor has a vital task to teach the Bible and help their flock to be wise and godly people.



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A shepherd teaches the flock to pray.Prayer keeps the spiritual enemy away. It invites the Holy Spirit to work in a pastor’s life and in the life of the flock. Pastors who guard their congregation on their knees intercede for their flock and listen for the spiritual input that comes from heaven itself. The shepherd is a pray-er.

A shepherd deepens the experience of worship.If our public prayers dwindle into short, thoughtless phrases, if profound moments are lost when the congregation hears the Holy Scripture read thoughtfully, if the sacraments are rushed because some cannot sit still for very long, and if taking an offering becomes an embarrass-ment instead of a celebration of giving of our “firstfruits” to God, congregations will suffer. Wise shepherds guard their flocks from a superficial worship experience.

A shepherd stays close to the flock.People must see their shepherds within the flow of real life, not just on the stage or behind a microphone. They need to see their pastors with spouse, children, and friends. They must see how they conduct themselves financially, socially, and vocationally.

If shepherds do not stay in the pasture, how can they know when their flock is in danger? How can the flock be sure that their shepherd will know how to act when danger is present?

Pastoral Listening SkillsLeadership Journal

According to Jesus, a true shepherd knows his sheep (John 10:14). It’s impossible to know people without listening to them. Listening well, listening as an act of being Christlike, is at the foundation of shepherding others. Here are seven ways that explore the practical and biblical skills of how to listen well.

1. Commit to listening.Listening is all about standing back from yourself so you can concentrate on what someone else is saying. Sadly, most of us don’t listen carefully. Business writer Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen to understand; they listen in order to answer. While the other is talking, they are preparing their reply.” Yet Scripture says, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame” (Prov 18:13). True listening is hard work. Part of the reason that hearing others requires careful listening is because we talk much more slowly than we think. Some experts tell us that humans think five times faster than they talk. Thus, when someone is talking, we can race around to many other thoughts and ideas, checking in just long enough to get the basic gist of what the other person is saying.

2. Make eye contact.Looking people in the eyes while concentrating on what they’re saying is an important aspect



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of pastoral shepherding. For example, if you’re leading a small group and someone asks a question, it’s easy to get distracted by the “other voices” in the room. But looking the speaker in the eyes helps you lock in to whatever that person is saying. Making comfortable eye contact steers the thoughts in your head directly to the person at hand. It helps you to focus on the needs of the person, rather than trying to deal with all the competing noises. Granted, there is a fine line between looking someone in the eyes and staring at them. Staring makes a person feel uncomfortable and is not helpful. Slight glances away can help you break free from the staring mode while honing in on every detail of the conversation.

3. Tune into nonverbal communication.Often, the unspoken words are more important than the spoken ones. It’s important to read between the lines. Experts vary on how much of the total communication package is nonverbal, but estimates range from 60 percent to 90 percent. They all agree on one thing: The vast majority of each communication experience is nonverbal. Reading body language and voice inflection is essential for effective listening. From a Christian perspective, listening is a gift we give to others. It requires sacrifice and selfdenial. It requires a spiritual transformation in Christ, but it also involves learning new skills and new ways to relate to people because we’re motivated by Christ’s love for us.

4. Defer judgment.It’s difficult sometimes to listen to people’s stories without judging them. But as soon as you start analyzing and judging the person who’s talking, you’ve basically stopped listening and begun focusing on what that person needs to do, or what you’re going to tell that person. It’s vital to discipline your mind to suspend judgment, no matter what you’re inclined to believe about the person with whom you’re speaking.

5. Preempt preoccupations.Pastors and church leaders usually have dozens of things demanding their attention—jobs, spouses, children, hobbies, and so on. Unfinished business is their constant companion, and it’s easy to be preoccupied. So it’s vital to focus on the importance of that personal encounter. Consciously put aside your other concerns. Command yourself with something concrete. Jesus had an amazing ability to be totally present to the one person right in front of him, to give that person his full attention. Study Jesus and live in union with him. Ask him to make you more like him. Otherwise, your preoccupations may cause you to miss things.

6. Avoid premature solutions.It’s a fact: People look to their shepherd for answers. And shepherds often feel obliged to provide them quickly and easily. Quick answers (even correct answers), however, can leave out critical factors and shut down further communication. A quick answer may make people feel that their problems weren’t taken seriously. You cannot listen fully when you’re mentally formulating answers. Leaders must make sure to listen carefully and take in sufficient information before they dare interject a solution or insight.



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7. Absorb accusations.Church leaders are convenient targets for other people’s frustrations. They can become the brunt of accusations against God, Christianity, and the church. In those situations, it’s natural to react by defending the faith or your own reputation. But defensiveness never helps. When you’re defensive, you immediately start mentally mustering arguments to unravel your op-ponent. At that point, you’re no longer attending to the other person. On the other hand, if you can keep listening through the attack, without getting defensive, without reacting to their reactivity, you can usually offer some help.

Seven Essentials of Hospital VisitsBruce L. Shelley

Visiting sick members of your flock is an important part of being a shepherd, but it’s often difficult to know how best to go about it. Here are seven tips to help make hospital visits more helpful and less uncomfortable.

Determine the patient’s mood.Major-surgery patients encounter at least three basic emotional periods: (1) the night before and the early hours of the surgery day; (2) the period right after surgery when life signs are low and the patient is very likely under sedation or taking pain-killing drugs; and (3) the period of increasing mobility and strengthened life signs. Expect to find at least three basic moods during these times:

• Fear is usually a part of the pre-surgery hours. The appropriate response is assurance—facing the reality of the situation but approaching it with confidence.

• Aloneness is common during the low-functioning days right after surgery. Many times the best you can do is simply to be there.

• Depression and impatience with the rate of recovery are common as time goes on. At this point, the patient may be ready for some sensitive cheer.

Try to determine the patient’s mood in order to minister appropriately.

Call on the patient at the right time.Like a joke or a kiss, timing is everything. Six visits the following week will not recover the lost opportunity of those hours before the unknown. As a professor, I was grateful for those students who recognized this during my last class before I headed to the hospital. They in-sisted that we pause and pray just prior to my walking out the front door, alone. That stayed with me as I entered surgery.

Minister to the patient’s family.This is a significant time for loved ones. It’s often when questions and fears arise. My wife was



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grateful for two friends who had experienced the terrors of their own surgery. They remembered; they visited; they stayed. It was also a comfort to me to know that her friends were there for her.

Know your presence is more important than your words.This is especially true when the patient is experiencing feelings of aloneness. On Saturday night a friend came to see me. I had been three days without a shave. A tube was stuck down my nose drawing blood and mucus from my stomach, and I was only half conscious from drugs. It was more than he could handle. He paced the floor and said, “Oh, I’ve made a mis-take. I had no idea. I had no idea.” I think he thought I was about gone. After about three minutes he mumbled something and left. In one sense, he did about everything wrong. But as he walked out the door, I smiled. Why? Because he came. And I knew it. He broke my isola-tion; he was there.

Don’t hesitate to take the patient’s hand.Touch the patient’s hand as appropriately as possible without causing pain. That touch—or grip—communicates empathy, presence, strength, companionship. Every patient needs those four things, and often a touch will provide them.

Accept and respond to the patient’s mood.Your assignment is the patient’s mood, not the doctor’s report. Don’t take the patient lightly, but don’t be morbid. You must accept his mood and respond with gentle encouragement. Sometimes cards reflect the appropriate mood. One of my cards, from a friend in Minnesota, came after I got home. It had Charles Schultz’s Lucy van Pelt on the cover saying, “When you’re down and out, lift up your head and shout . . . ” and on the inside she screams, “Somebody’s going to pay for this!” I smiled because I had paid and paid and paid! Earlier, when I was feel-ing fear, a card like this would not have helped.

Share Scripture, especially the Psalms.I am convinced that no other portion of the Bible communicates the openness of the soul with God quite like the Psalms. The word of God, especially the Psalms, is the cure for souls.

Shepherding Inactive Church MembersJohn Savage and Doug Self

Inactive churchgoers describe themselves in relation to the church as feeling condemned, forgotten, left out, lonely, rejected, abandoned, angry, suspicious, and apathetic. In other words, they are people who hurt. They usually don’t need a scolding to become active in church again. They need pastoral care. And since inactive members probably view the pastor and other church leaders as the embodiment of the church, we need to be especially sensitive to their feelings about the church. Here’s what to remember as you provide pastoral care to missing members.



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Listen to the “expert testimony.”Inactive church members are the only experts on why they’ve been absent. These people know exactly the reasons they stopped attending. Your assumptions or suspicions can be inadequate and often wrong. Better to humbly learn the inactive person’s reasons.

Realize that people leave for different reasons.Every story of leaving a church is unique, but in most cases, people become inactive for one of the following reasons:

• Intra-family conflict. The family unit is struggling with marital troubles, drugs, depression, unplanned pregnancy—the list is endless. Rather than drawing closer to the church as a source of healing, people often pull away from the church.

• Conflict with pastors. When pastors avoid dealing with members’ frustration and anxiety, many simply avoid the pastors and their churches.

• Inter-family or interpersonal conflict. A misunderstanding or hurt between families or individuals has never been brought into the light and healed.

• Overwork (or at least the perception of overwork). Volunteers serve the church for long hours, sometimes with little or no thanks. They can become burned out and stop coming to church.

Of course, even within these four categories every story is unique. That’s why the next stages are so important.

Respect their anger.Members who have dropped out often replay the offense over and over in their minds. In some instances, they’ve whipped themselves into a frenzy of selfrighteousness. Not coming to church is a dramatic statement of indignation. Therefore, even when someone seems to be behaving immaturely, respect that individual’s dignity and try to see the offense from that person’s point of view.

Listen to their hurt.If you learn to hear and respond to people’s cries for help, you can usually prevent their dropping out. But even after people leave the church, pastors and church leaders can respond to the hurt in one of three ways:

1. Pour guilt and shame on their wounds: “What’s the matter with you? Are you losing your faith or something?” Don’t make the mistake of confusing the symptom for the disease, the behavior for the cause.

2. Ignore or minimize their cry for help. Be proactive in reaching out, even if it’s uncomfortable and met with some initial resistance.

3. Listen and respond to their pain. Listening is a powerful act of love. It’s an act of reconciliation. If we are willing to hear some pain with the inactive person, reconciliation will often occur.

Apologize for the church when it’s wrong.When people have been hurt or offended by the church, extending a simple apology often



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goes a long way. As a representative of the church and of the gospel, sometimes a simple “I am so sorry that happened to you” can be very powerful. Many people just need to know that someone cared and that their hurt was taken seriously.

Offer grace to fellow-strugglers.Sometimes members become inactive because they’re struggling with sin, failure, family prob-lems, or addictions that have caused them to turn away from the church. They feel crushed by guilt and shame. They feel that no one would understand their problems. In these cases, inactive church members need someone to show up and declare the gospel again: In Christ there is therefore now no condemnation (Rom 8:1).

Issue a challenge if necessary.After listening to a hurting ex-member, after apologizing and offering grace, at some point it’s entirely appropriate to offer a challenge: “It’s time to come back. It’s time for you to own your part in what happened. It may be time for you to forgive or to deal with the conflict rather than walk away from the relationship.” These words of “tough love” may be exactly what someone needs to get unstuck and start moving forward again.

Give permission to attend elsewhere.Sometimes it’s best for the inactive member to get a fresh start at another church. No church can meet everyone’s needs. An inactive member might need to be told something like, “Honestly, based on what you’ve told me, I think you’d fit better at _____ Church. They seem to have what you need at this stage in your walk with Christ.”

Be the presence of Christ to inactive members.Seeking out inactive members is hard work. Is it really worth spending the time and energy? Look at what God did for us. We wouldn’t listen to him, so he made much more than a pas-toral call; he suffered and died on the cross for us. That kind of self-giving love enabled us to be reconciled to him.

You will not get inactive members back by avoiding them. Like Christ, you have to take the initiative, go to them, hear their pain, and then pave the road for them to return. Even if they choose not to return, you will have reached out to them in the name of Jesus Christ.

Shepherding Deeply Wounded PeopleMatt Woodley

Shepherding isn’t always easy work. Certain sheep don’t ever seem to get healthy. In our increasingly broken society, pastoral leaders may encounter people who require extra doses of love, care, and support. Carl George used to call these people EGRs—the Extra-Grace-Required parishioners. Gordon MacDonald prefers VDPs—Very Draining People.



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Who are these severely wounded people? They are, first of all, God’s dearly beloved people who have, most likely, been traumatized by abuse, abandonment, or family dysfunction. Their wounds are real, though they have often developed selfdefeating methods to heal them. Second, these ExtraGraceRequired parishioners exude neediness. They are often clear about who can cure their neediness: the pastor, who is supposed to be their friend, guru, and handy therapist. Third, this is usually a chronic condition. There is no quick fix. Eager young pastors may be shocked that after emptying their bag of pastoral tools, most of these people remain just as wounded and broken. How can church leaders minister to the chronically wounded and needy without feeling chronically tired and used up?

Practice Christlike acceptance.Some people burn up pastoral fuel and then press harder on the accelerator. It’s easy to resent their presence. Other church members often gossip or gripe about them. Can you imagine Jesus gossiping about those “chronically wounded” lepers or griping about that incredibly needy Gerasene demoniac? Christ accepted them. He touched them. He healed them. True, Jesus spent only a minority of his time with the chronically needy, but there was space in his schedule for some powerful ministry encounters with them. Jesus never anesthetized his heart to the hurt that surrounded him.

Remember that every draining parishioner bears a painful soul wound. Prayer can foster an attitude of acceptance. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face, that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died, the face of a forgiven sinner.” Don’t fall into merely labeling a category of people; remember that you’re walking alongside precious souls for whom Christ died.

Communicate clear boundaries.Chronically wounded people usually overdose on an unlimited supply of pastoral availability. And pastors like the feeling of being needed. The solution is simple but painful: Communicate clear boundaries. Lovingly but firmly lower people’s expectations of your availability. Here are three principles for setting clear boundaries with needy people:

1. Take the initiative. If you don’t, people will automatically assume total pastoral availability.

2. Be specific about your boundaries. Clearly define when and where you will be available. Vague boundaries won’t work.

3. Verbalize your boundaries. Do it with love and gentleness, and then stick with those boundaries.

Setting boundaries is necessary for pastoral effectiveness. It can even foster spiritual growth. Henri Nouwen calls this the “ministry of absence.” Without establishing clear boundaries, Nouwen contends, “we ministers have become so available that there is too much presence and too little leaving . . . too much of us and too little of God and his Spirit.”



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Encourage spiritual growth.Here are two questions that encourage deeply wounded people to take small steps of spiritual growth:

1. What goals would you like to set?2. What gifts would you like to share?

The first question deals with spiritual goal setting. Consider Christ’s direct approach to blind Bartimaeus: “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:46–52). You can ask, “How do you want to grow? What steps can you take in your own life and how can I encourage you?”

The second question focuses on a person’s giftedness—and on God, the giver of gifts. Operate under the assumption that even the deeply wounded can share gifts with the congre-gation. You can ask, “What gifts can you share to enrich the body of Christ?” Or you can be even more direct: “What can you do around here for God?” Of course, these questions need to take into account someone’s actual abilities, but this process treats people with dignity and respect.

Connect with other resources.You can’t do everything for deeply wounded and needy people. You cannot provide the long-term therapeutic relationship that is often required. You cannot fill the role of omnipresent mentor-friend-guide-financial-problem-solver. This simple fact forces church leaders to col-laborate with other resources such as doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, and social services agencies. But we often neglect one handy and free resource—the body of Christ. Some saints will balk at the idea of helping the emotionally needy, but others are just waiting to be asked. They can often serve as excellent mentors, friends, or lay counselors.

Keep bringing them to Jesus.As a pastor you are just a little channel for Christ’s love and grace. You—your wisdom and counseling techniques, even your love—are not the source of healing. Christ is the source. So never forget your primary calling—to bring needy people into the presence of Jesus.

Equipping Lay Leaders as ShepherdsKelly Brady

When I was a small child, my grandmother kept a few sheep on her land in Texas. When I visited her, she would take me with her to “tend the sheep.” That meant walking the land to-gether and checking to see that the sheep were not injured, as well as putting out food supple-ments and providing clean water. On another occasion, it meant rescuing a sheep that had pushed its head through the fence and gotten its wool entangled in the wire. My grandmother showed me how to cut the sheep free from the fence.


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In many ways, my grandmother’s example provided a visible model of the Bible’s vision for equipping new shepherds (Eph 4:12). Pastors aren’t the only ones in the body of Christ who are called to shepherd others. Here is a threestep process for training and equipping lay leaders who can serve as gifted and effective shepherds.

Invite new shepherds join you in shepherding.My grandmother invited me to join her as she walked the fields and cared for her sheep. She did most of the work, and I simply followed her around. In the first century, discipleship was an invitation to follow a rabbi as he walked the land, and the essence of discipleship hasn’t changed over the past two thousand years. Today this might mean inviting others to join you as you enter living rooms and counsel families or visit hospital rooms and pray for the sick. It might mean allowing others the chance to help you teach or preach.

Too often pastors minister alone, perhaps fearing that it might complicate their schedules to include others in ministry. But Jesus almost always had his disciples with him as he ministered to others. Unless we invite people to join as we care for the sheep, how will they ever learn to tend to others? As much as possible, have someone join you as you shepherd others.

Encourage new shepherds to provide direct care.At some point, I went from simply following my grandmother to caring for the sheep all by myself. In the same way, after his disciples followed and watched Jesus for a time, he sent them out with specific instructions to minister to others. In the context of church leadership, this involves asking lay leaders to preach, counsel, and make hospital visits. Admittedly, it is risky to deploy others. What if they say or do something foolish? What if those to whom they are ministering expect and prefer the ministry of the senior pastor? But if shepherds never tend the flock themselves, they really aren’t shepherds.

Debrief with new shepherds regularly.On the way back to her house, my grandmother and I would talk about whether the sheep looked healthy and what they might need in the days ahead. Jesus followed a similar pattern with his disciples. When the disciples returned from ministering to others, they discussed what they had seen and experienced with Jesus. When they were amazed at their authority to exercise demons, Jesus used that opportunity to warn them not to rejoice in their authority but in their salvation. Schedule regular debriefing sessions so your shepherds have ample opportunity to learn and grow from their experiences. For instance, many lay shepherds often struggle with knowing what to say when they’re counseling someone. You can remind your shepherds that we don’t grow the grass—we just point to it. Anytime we are caring for others spiritually, our job is to simply point to the truth found in God’s word. Ultimately, it is only the truth of God’s word that satisfies, sustains, and strengthens us. You can help new shepherds to minister from this perspective.


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