Foot Raker(And Another Free Story 'Sunlight' With No Budget)By
Martin BradyCopyright (c) Martin BradyI've always enoyed Su!!er
Bloc"#usters$%his is !y spoo& Su!!er Bloc"#uster Foot 'a"er
which does its #est to &ollow the &or!ula$I've also added
an additional story at the ending called Sunlight which covers !y
thoughts on Budget (orror Movies with a #udget o& Bagels and
Co&&ee and actors who are not paid or who could care
less$%he &inal story is ridiculous and that is the point o&
it$It you &ind it terri#le then that is the point o&
it$)noy$*r !ay#e don't enoy it$I& you really hate the story I
will #e very happy$Table of ContentsFoot
'a"er$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+Agent
Methane$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,Agent
Fred$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$-%he
--rd
%ea!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.(igh
Altitude$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$/%he
Interview$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$01i&t
*&&2$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$3%he
Music
4ideo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+5Moon
%rou#le$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+,%he
6arty$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+-*ne
S!all
7a!e$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+.Cra8y
7ol&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+9Balls$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+/Body
7uards$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+0Finally
%he Fiendish 6lan
'evealed$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$+3%he
):citing
)nding$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,5;;Crap
Bonus Story;;
Sunlight$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,Sunlight
< 5 < %he Message Fro! %he
Invaders$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,
Sunlight < + < =ar"ness is
co!ing$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,Sunlight
< , < Attac" o& the Space
Ships$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,
Sunlight < - < Fear on the
Streets$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,,
Sunlight < . < %otal
=ar"ness$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,-
Sunlight < 9 <
Chased$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,-
Sunlight < / < %hey (ave
'o#ots$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,-
Sunlight < 0 < %erri&ying
Creatures$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,.
Sunlight < 3 < %he )arth Is
Saved$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$,.Agent
MethaneAgent Methane sat on #oard a transatlantic &light to an
e:otic destination when the Stewardess gave hi! his secret !ission
card which was the !at &or his sha"en and stirred le!on soda
with a twist o& rasp#erry$(e put on his special glasses and the
recording played$>?our !ission should you choose to accept it
Agent Methane is to in&iltrate and #rea" up Soctre which is
secretly planning world do!ination during their dar" side o&
the !oon Soctre tourna!ent$?ou !ust in&iltrate a Soctre tea!
and &ind out where all the !oney is going$I& you do not
accept this !ission then you're &ired$%his !essage will #urst
into &la!es in one second$>%he #eer !at suddenly caught
&ire and Agent Methane threw it into a ru##ish collection #ag
an Air Stewardess was using$%he ru##ish #ag then #urst into
&la!es$%he Stewardess screa!ed out and everyone &ought to
put out the &la!es$>(ow did this happen@> as"ed a
nun$>(e did it22> pointed a "id in a cow#oy hat at Agent
Methane$Methane !ade a &ace at the "id$I!!ediately hal& a
do8en air !arshals leapt out o& their seats$A granny$A chu##y
"id$%he nun$A !an dressed in a white pana!a suit$And one o&
the! dropped out o& the ceiling &or good !easure$>AI'
MA'S(A1S22> they all screa!ed$>It's o"$It's o"A> said
Agent Methane$>I'! a secret agent$*n a top secret !ission$7o
a#out your #usiness$>%he Stewardess !ade a &ace at Agent
Methane$>AW C*M) *N22Not AN*%()' secret agent22> screa!ed one
o& the Air Marshalls$>I WAN% A%'ANSF)'22> said the Chu##y
Air Marshal$Agent Methane li&ted his hal&Another oneA>
he said to the stewardess and poc"eted his secret agent identity
card #elonging to the SMA'FASS *rgani8ation$No#ody "new what
SMA'FASS !eant #ut the card loo"ed authentic and so the &light
continued on its way$Methane pressed the &light attendant
#utton$>What@2> as"ed the e:asperated Stewardess$>Can we
redirect the &light to )urope@> he as"ed$>It would save
!e a lot o& ti!e &or !y !ission$>Agent Fred An
Undisclosed Pub Location Somewhere Near Bracknell in the UK Agent
Methane sat in a #ar #eside a !an$>%he weather is not good
&or this ti!e o& yearA> said Methane$>No it
isn'tA> said the !an$Methane loo"ed at the !an$>*h sorryA>
said Fred$(e too" out his reply card$>I guess it is not for this
time of the year considering the news report last night.!ethane
smiled.Agent !ethane" my friends call me !ethane.Soctre Agent #red"
said #red.So you want to play Soctre in the $orld Soctre
%ompetition.&ou any good'( A! A$)S*!)" said !ethane. *n a
nearby Soctre pitch" #red ga+e !ethane a Soctre ball.Show me the
Soctre" said #red.,e kicked the ball to !ethane.&ou want me to
show you the Soctre' replied !ethane.#red nodded.Show me" replied
#red.,e folded his arms.!ethane then picked up the ball and ran at
#red and knocked him o+er and -umped into the goals.,e landed
against the netting and the temporary goals fell o+er and he ended
up tied up in the goal nets.S%*.)// screamed !ethane.#red raised
his eyes.*k we ha+e some work to do" replied #red.The 33rd Team
Fred #rought Methane to the Soctre world cup draws$)ach tea! was
#rought out and the crowd clapped and cheered$%here were thirtyI'!
+..th part IcelandicA> replied Methane$>Close enoughA>
said FredA getting con&ir!ation that Methane could oin the
'epu#lic o& Ireland tea! as the thirty?ou and !e are going to
the Soctre World Cup2 W)'') IN22>High Altitude In the #ase ca!p
in the !ountains all the Soctre tea!s o& the world gathered and
=r$ Blowthu!# arrived on stage$(e threw !oney out into the area
where the players were and they all gra##ed hand&uls$It had
#een decided that the 'epu#lic o& Ireland would go to the
Soctre World cup #ut that they would not play any !atches$>But
we still have to train and put the! under pressureA> said
Methane$>6ut who under pressure@> as"ed Fred$>Not sure
e:actlyA> said Methane loo"ing !ysteriousA loo"ing at the stage
as Miss Fonny#alls arrived on stage to do a !usical nu!#er$She
hopped onto a !oving goal post and sang and #egan to twer"$Methane
loo"ed at Fred$>What does *lDA *lDA *lD !ean@>Fred shrugged
his shoulders$>So have you &igured out Soctre yet@> as"ed
Fred$>?eahA it's easyA when you get the #allA "ic" it long and
wait &or so!eone to head it at the other end o& the
&ield$>The Interview %he Foreign 6ress Association
interviewed =r$ Blowthu!#$>=r$ Blowthu!# what were you thin"ing
#y having the world Soctre co!petition on the !oon@>>Why
not@> as"ed Blowthu!# and he s!iled$%he Interviewer leaned
&orward$>Because there is al!ost no gravityA it's
&ree8ing coldA plus there isno o:ygen and there is only one
outdoor Soctre pitch$>%he Interviewer raised his eyes$>Need I
goon@2>Blowthu!# was undeterred #y the criticis!$>Well we
have #uilt the new Soctre pitches and who cares what the
te!perature is2%hey will have space suits22=on S!ith discovered the
giant o#elis"on the !oon when he was doing his !oon ra"ing twenty
years ago and he reali8ed the real reason why it was there$It was
an ancient Soctre goal post2(e put another #eside it and !ade a
Soctre pitch$When I saw hi! playing Soctre on the !oonA he inspired
!e to host the world Soctre co!petition there$6lus &or the
&ans the view will #e 7')A%2>%he interviewer
nodded$>%here are those that say you really want to rule planet
)arth and you're going to !a"e so !uch !oney &ro! this
tourna!ent that you will #e a#le to #uy the )arth$>Blowthu!#
laughed$>I can already #uy the )arth !any ti!es over #ut I a! a
hu!anitarian$Isn't that right )rnesto@>(is pet &erret !ade a
happy noise and then disappeared into his poc"et$Lift Off
>Footra"er li&t o&&2> said Soctre space
co!!ander$All across the planetA the Soctre Space Shuttles #lasted
o&& &or the World Soctre Cup$Footra"er 7er!anyFootra"er
FranceFootra"er Bra8ilFootra"er Me:icoFootra"er ESAFootra"er
Fa!aica Mon%he list went on and on$Soon the &ans would #e
gathering on the !oon arriving in their Footra"er Soctre Ships and
start practising drin"ing ga!es on the !oon$Fred and Methane
watched as their Footra"er #rought the! to a giant Soctre space
station$ >My 7od what is it@> as"ed Methane sounding
dra!atic$>It's Big Footra"erA> said Fred$>We're going to
practise playing Soctre in 8ero gravity to prepare us &or the
!oon$>When they doc"ed with Big Footra"er they were !et #y
uni&or!ed sta&& who led the! go to the ga!es roo! where
they would &loat in 8ero gravity and play Soctre$%he co!!ander
o& the station wal"ed over to the! and loo"ed very
stern$>?ou are the last hope o& )arth to survive$No#ody
thin"s li"e you$$$>%he Soctre sBuad all loo"ed at each
other$Fred s!iled in an i!pressed way$Methane nodded$It was clearly
so true$(owever a lady #ehind the co!!ander cleared her throat and
gave the #ase co!!ander his card$>Sorry$ there's #een a
!ista"e$%hat's the speech &or the ne:t arrivals$All right2>
he said$>?ou've #een assigned to play Soctre against the Soctre
droids$And it will #e televised across all o& planet
)arth$>>Sounds easyA> s!iled Methane$(e loo"ed out in the
8ero gravity Soctre ga!ing area and could have sworn that one
o& the Soctre droids gave hi! the &inger and laughed at
hi!$%hey &loated out into the 8ero gravity Soctre area$Fred
started to spin uncontrolla#ly and Methane threw up as he could not
tell up &ro! down$A&ter the ga!e was over they sat in the
changing area$>Seventy nilA> co!!ented Fred$>Could have
#een worse$>%hen Miss Fonny#alls wal"ed #y the! and laughed
loudly and uncontrolla#ly$Methane &rowned and wiped the pu"e
which he had spiralled through in 8ero gravity o&& his
uni&or!$(e !issed his relia#le cli!#ing ropes and
gravity$>%his is !y !ost dangerous !ission so &ar2>
snapped Methane$The Musi! "ideo Methane and Fred had #een chosen to
help !a"e the Soctre World Cup !usic video$%hey wal"ed down a slope
with si: other Soctre players into a dig where the &irst
*#elis" goal post had #een &ound$1ights lit up the Soctre
pitch$%he wal"ed and danced to the poppy !usic video sha"ing their
astronaut hips$*n the &irst Soctre pitch there was a &lag
at the #otto! with the Soctre !oon where there were do8ens o&
other dancers in space suits$%hey "ic"ed a giant #all around and
raised their hands in the air as the song played into their
hel!ets$%4 i!ages were proected onto the o#elis"s &or the !usic
video$%hen the !usic stopped and the First =irector stepped
&orward$Behind hi! was the !usic director who only spo"e
through the &irst director$>=o it againA> said the First
=irector$>F*' %() 1*4) *F 7*=22> screa!ed Fred$>W)'4) =*N)
I% )I7(%? %IM)S A1')A=?222(*W MAN? M*') %IM)S@@@>%he &irst
director got his instructions$>Entil we get it rightA> said
the &irst director$Fred &ell on his "nees and threatened to
so#$>I$$$ I$$$ can't ta"e it any !oreA> said Fred$(e
threatened to ta"e o&& his space hel!et$>%a"e a
#rea"A> said the First =irector$Fred and Methane sat under the
original o#elis" that had #een &ound and &ed on liBuid ha!
sandwiches #uilt into their suits$%hey ru##ed their hel!ets
o&& the *#elis" goal post which was used to show i!ages
o& dancing people on )arth li"e a %4 screen and goals #eing
scored #y &a!ous players$>=o you ever wonder i& we
should have done so!ething else Methane@> Fred pic"ed up a stone
andtapped it o&& Methane's hel!et$>?ou "now I thin"
you're rightA> replied Methane who also pic"ed up a stone and
tapped it o&& Fred's hel!et and they !ade up a si!ple dru!
#eat$>May#e we should #eco!e hyper co!!ented Fred$>Ma"es
per&ect senseA> said MethaneA thin"ing a#out it so!e
!ore$>1et's do it A7AIN2> said the &irst director$>F*'
%() 1*4) *F 7*=22> co!plained Fred$%hey stood up and started
again$>Why couldn't we ust &a"e #eing on the !oon@>Moon
Trouble %here was trou#le on !oon ca!p one$Methane and Fred sat
down as the tea! captain 'ay stood up to co!plain a#out the
situation again$>(e's "ic"ing o&& againA> whispered
Fred$%hey started their stop watches$>%he !oon's sur&ace is
roc" hard$It's li"e playing on a runway$%he 7ravity is pure
shite$And the acco!!odation is a &ec"ing disgrace$I !ean who
pic"ed this #leeding place@We're !illions o& !iles &ro!
)arth$And we don't even have enough Space Suits@2>%he !anager
sat &orward$>But 'ay we're not going to #e playing a !atch
here$All we have are so!e &riendlies$>(e s!iled in a
&atherly way$>=on't you #leeding start21oo" at thisA they
gave Bill scu#a gear$(e's supposed to play Soctre in Scu#a gear on
the !oon2Fesus &ec"ing Christ22>Bill loo"ed upA wearing his
scu#a out&it$>AwA I don't !ind 'ay$I'! ust happy to #e
here$>>IS %(A% A11 ?) F)CG)'S WAN%@@%* %E'N E6A
(E(@>Mostly they ust nodded$%hen 'ay #egan to swear$>And loo"
at this 7o#shite here@2> shouted 'ay$>I've never heard o&
this guy Methane and when I as"ed hi! where he played #e&ore he
told !e 'It was Fec"ing Classi&ied@2'I've never heard o&
Classi&ied Enited$Sure you're all all a pac" o&$$$>'ay
#egan to swear$>Ah now 'ayA c'!on let's have a cup o& tea
and a pac"et o& crisps and cal! downA> said the
coach$>CA1M =*WN2CA1M =*WN22>(e pointed at the coach$>?*E
GN*W W()') ?*E CANF)CGIN' S%ICG ?*E' C'IS6 SAN=WIC()S2I'M *E%%A
()')222>'ay changed into his Space Suit and e:ited the air loc"
and too" a run and a u!p and &loated #ac" to )arth$>)ight
!inutesA &i&ty seven secondA> whispered Fred$>New 'ay
recordA> s!iled Methane$>'eallyA> said Bill$>I don't
!ind the Scu#a gear$Sure I'll #e &ineAI don't !ind the
&rost #iteA> he said$>%hat's the spirit ladsA> said
the coach$>%here's a party on tonight and you're all
invited$%here's a &ree #ar and &ood paid &or #y =r$
Blowthu!#$>%he tea! all cheered$The #art$ >A&ter we eatA
we &igure out what Blowthu!# is really up toA> said
Fred$>AgreedA> said MethaneA eating avocado stu&&ed
nachosA one in each hand$Fred stu&&ed &lavoured popcorn
into his !outh which tasted o& #ee& and onions$>What do
you thin" Blowthu!# is really doing@> Fred dran" one o& the
speciality #eers$>I'! thin"ing he's digging a hole to the centre
o& the !oon and storing all the world's gold there to
a&&ect its price and #eco!e even richerA> !used
Methane$(e ate so!e o& the oysters and put so!e %a#asco sauce
on the!$>What a#out you@>Fred sprin"led additional !o88arella
cheese on his nachosA >I'! thin"ing he's #uilding a Soctre ro#ot
ar!y$>%hey #oth gra##ed a glass o& Cha!pagne each and dran"
it down then then got so!e whis"ey chasers$>So how do you want
to proceed@> as"ed Methane$Fred #elched and too" two Chori8o
Cheese 6otato Wraps$(e ate the! thought&ully$>May#e we snea"
away during the party when no%oo o#viousA> said Methane$(e
crunched down so!e chocolate dri88led peanut #rittle$>But I do
"now one thing$>>What's that@> as"ed FredA ni##ling on
so!e Crispy %o!atoes 6rovenHal$>I get a really #ad &eeling
in !y gut a#out Blowthu!#$>Fred #elched a little$>?eah !e
tooA> he said thought&ullyA loo"ing &or so!ething else
to eatA swallowing a alapeIo pepper whole$One %mall &ame
Methane and Fred sat in the stands with their tea! &or the
&irst ga!e o& the Soctre World Cup$A reproduction o&
the Apollo 1unar Module descended into the !iddle o& the
stadiu! and touched down$Slowly an astronaut cli!#ed out and down a
set o& stairs carrying a Soctre #all$When he go to the
sur&aceA his voice could #e heard everywhere$>%hat's one
s!all ga!e &or !eA one giant "ic" &or all o& Soctre
"ind2>(e "ic"ed the &oot#all high and everyone
cheered$)veryone cheered even the guy in the scu#a suit$Methane
leaned into Fred$>I have a planA> he said as the Soctre world
!oon cup #egan$>A#out &lipping ti!eA> said Fred$Cra'$
&olf >7ol&@2> said Fred$>?ou want to have a ga!e
o& gol& with Blowthu!# on the !oon@%hat's your #ig
plan@2>Methane nodded$>And I own an island now$>>Where
did you get an island@>>SMA'FASS got it &or !e$It's in
the 6aci&ic ocean and it's radio active #ut we'll #e a#le to
play Soctre there which is all that !atters #ut that's not allA>
said Methane$>I have radio controlled gol& #alls which you
will control with this controller$>(e gave Fred the radio
controller$>Blowthu!# plays gol& on the !oon every
a&ternoon$Now here is the plan$>Methane e:plained the
plan$Fred &olded his ar!s and thought a#out it$>?ou're
#on"ersA> replied Fred$(alls Methane and Fred !et Blowthu!# and
Fonny#alls in the Footra"er 7ol& clu#$>?ou want a gol&
!atch Blowthu!#@> as"ed Methane$>I a! a #usy !anA> replied
Blowthu!#$>What are the sta"es@I a! also a very rich !anA>
s!iled Blowthu!#$Methane showed Blowthu!# his deeds to his
paci&ic island$>We'll play &or this islandA> said
Methane$>I& I winA I get to oin Soctre with !y island and
i& I lose you get the island and I'll go ho!e and have a #owl
o& corn &la"es$>>=ealA> said Blowthu!#$>Who's
this@> he as"ed pointing at Fred who would caddy &or
Methane$>%his is !y !an servant FredA> said Methane$Fred !ade
a &ace at Methane$>And this is Miss Fonny#allsA !y #ody
guard$1et the ga!e #egin2>%hey played gol& on the !oon$Fred
nudged Methane$>I've &orget !y glassesA> said Fred$*n the
eleventh holeA they were all tied and Blowthu!#'s #all went out
o& #ounds$For a s!all while they searched &or his lost
#all$>I& you cannot &ind the #allA you'll have to
&or&eit the ga!e Blowthu!#A> said Methane$(oweverA
Fonny#alls stood #eside Blowthu!# and shoo" the leg o& her
space suit$A s!all lever opened in the &oot o& her suit and
a #all popped outA having &allen down her leg$Blowthu!# s!iled
at Fonny#alls$>I've &ound it2> said Blowthu!# and the
ga!e proceeded$*n the eighteenth and &inal hole to tie the
ga!eA Methane was dripping sweat$(e glanced at Fred whose hand was
in the 7ol& #ag$(e hit the #all towards the hole which was
going to !iss #ut it started to weave le&t and right$Fred
sBuinted his eyes as he placed his hand into the gol& #agA
!oving a oystic"$%he #all stoppedA too" a le&t turnA !oved
around a s!all !oon roc"A reversed and then went into thehole$>A
tie22> said Blowthu!#$>?ou "now Mr$ MethaneA I li"e your
ga!e$I've never seen a gol& #all change direction in the air
li"e that or do a reverse li"e that on the green$?ou have Buite
so!e talent$>>I've #een wor"ing on !y topspinA #ac" spin and
gol&ing le&t turns$I had a good coachA> s!iled
Methane$(e glanced at Fred$>7oodA so we !eet to!orrow in the
Secret Soctre Moon Centre in Soctre Crater *ne where we will
discuss the &uture o& Soctre World =o!ination$>Miss
Fonny#alls gave Fred a dis!issive loo" and disappeared in the
swirling !oon dust driving their !oon #uggy$(od$ &uards Fred
sat in the #ar while Methane went to his super secret
!eeting$Ene:pectedly Fonny#alls sat opposite hi!$>*h hiA
Fonny#allsA> said Fred$>So you're a #ody guard as wellA>
she said$Fred pausedA loo"ing at Fonny#all's !uscular ar!s with
dragon tattoos$>?eahA sure I a!A> said Fred$(e leaned #ac" in
his seat and nearly &ell over #ut straightened hi!sel& #ac"
up$>?ou any good@> she as"ed$Fred "noc"ed #ac" his alcohol
&ree #eer$>%he #estA> he said$>%ell !eA> she
replied$She "noc"ed #ac" a dou#le teBuila$She was huge co!pared to
Fred$>SorryA can't it's all classi&ied$>Fred !et her
steely stare$>(ow a#out you@>>Mine is classi&ied as
well #ut I a! a world athlete$>>?eahA I can og pretty
&ast tooA> countered Fred$>?ou want a one on one
!atch@> she as"ed$>SureA> said Fred$Fonny#alls s!iled
supre!ely con&idently$>Gnives or guns@>Fred leaned
&orward con&idently and dran" one o& Fonny#alls teBuila
shots$>Nah too easyA how a#out a penalty shoot he
replied$Finall$ The Fiendish #lan Revealed Methane arrived #ac"
&ro! the !eeting$(e !et Fred and they &ound a roo! on %ea!
Base --$>So what's Blowthu!#s &iendish plan@> as"ed
Fred$>It's worse that I thoughtA> said Methane$(e placed a
#ig #ag o& cash on the ta#le$>%hey're planning to ta"e over
all the sports o& the world and give everyone #ags o& cash
and &ree e:pensive watches2%hey also gave !e thisA> said
Methane$Fred too" a loo" at the #oo"let which was &ree entry
into all o& the the!e par"s o& the world$>My 7od they
are so evil2> said Fred and poc"eted the &ree the!e par"
entries and tried on a watch$ >So what are we going to
do@2>%hen Fred appeared con&used$>But &irst I have a
Buestion$=oes that include #oard ga!es@>>?)S F')= )4)'? 7AM)
IN %() W*'1=2I have to in&or! SMA'FASS B)F*') I%'S
%**1A%)$>(owever the lights in the roo! di!!ed and Blowthu!#'s
&ace appeared on the over head !onitors$>Ah Agent Methane we
&inally !eet> said Blowthu!#$>I "now we !et earlier #ut I
did not have the proo& you wor"ed &or SMA'FASS and now I do
so now I can say we &inally !eet$6repare to !eet your
doo!$Soctre Security will dispose o& you$%hey are dressed in
u!psuits with a special logo I designed !ysel& and !etal hel!et
and will do !y evil #idding$>Fred opened the door to the roo!
and saw Soctre Security gathering at the end o& the
corridor$So!e o& Soctre Security were sitting on what loo"ed
li"e tricycles with laser !ounted guns$Fred sla!!ed the door shut
as they prepared to stor! their roo!$>We're surrounded2>
shouted Fred$>I need to thin"2> replied Methane$(e put on his
thin"ing &ace$But then an a:e #egan to #rea" down their
door$Fred wanted to screa! #ut covered his !outh$A hole was "noc"ed
in the door and then Fred's worst night!are was reali8ed$Fonny#alls
loo"ed in through the hole in the door and s!iled in an evil
way$>()')'S F*NN?BA11S2> she said in a really creepy way$Fred
didn't "now whether to s!ile or screa! #ut "ept his hand over his
!outh$>%his way22> shouted Methane reali8ing there was
another door out o& the roo! leading down another
corridor$>6ower run *N2> said Methane and he sprinted down
the corridor$Fred tried his #est to &ollow Methane and then
they were shortly &ollowed #y Soctre Security so!e o& who!
were on their tricycles &iring #adly ai!ed laser #ea!s which
!ostly #urned holes in the walls o& Base --$Blowthu!# played
%he!e 6ar" !usic over the spea"ers and so!e o& Soctre Security
sang along as they &ired their laser weapons$Fred and Methane
ran past a %ea! -- player who was in a closed #ar all on his own$(e
was tal"ing to hi!sel& and stealing so!e o& the 'u!$(e
continued to tal" to hi!sel& as Soctre Secuity also ran and
rolled #y hi!$By the ti!e he turned around they were all
gone$FinallyA Fred and Methane escaped out onto the sur&ace
o& the !oon shortly a&terwards chased #y Soctre
Security$Fred "ept up with Methane who continued to power run while
Fred drove along side hi! in a !oon #uggy$(is power run loo"ed
strangely di&&erent in the low gravity on the !oon$The
)*!iting )nding Fred and Methane sat in the centre o& a
crater$%hey had u!ped &ro! the edge o& the crater to avoid
#eing caught$Fred caught his #reath in the pressure controlled
#uilding$>What do we do now@> he as"ed$>We can #last our
way outA> said Methane &inding so!e laser guns in the
storage roo! which had at!osphere$>%hen we head &or
Australia$>>Why Australia@>>When we drop out o&
or#it it'll #e easy to see where we need to splash downA> said
Methane$>Splash down@> said Fred sounding nervous$>=on't
they have shar"s there@>>Sure #ut ust "ic" the! in the
&aceA> said Methane$>=o you thin" Blowthu!# "nows we're
here@> as"ed Fred$>No I don't thin" soA> replied
Methane$>So we go on the count o& three$>>So you are
really sure they're not waiting &or us@>Methane nodded$;;;*n
the top o& the craterA Blowthu!# stood with Fonny#alls loo"ing
down on Methane and Fred's hiding place$>So they are hiding in
the s!all #uilding at the center o& the crater@>>?esA>
replied Fonny#alls$>All one hundred thousand Soctre Security are
waiting &or the! to #last their way out and then we will
&ire #ac"$>Blowthu!# laughed in an evil Soctre way$A
#attalion o& Soctre tan"s !oved into place$)ventually Methane
and Fred #lasted their way out and one hundred Soctre Security
agents &ired #ac"$;;;Blowthu!# wal"ed over to the re!ains
o& Methane and Fred$(e leaned down to e:a!ine the
corpses$Fred's ru##er &ace dropped o&& to reveal a
Soctre 'o#ot under the !as"$Methane also had a prosthetic !as" and
was really a ro#ot$Fonny#all's &ace also peeled o&& and
she was also really a ro#ot$In his space suitA )rnesto the
&erret u!ped up and down angrily and so did Blowthu!#$%hen the
one hundred thousand Soctre %roops also u!ped up and down
angrily$%hey had #een &ooled again$Blowthu!# shoo" his &ist
at the )arth and the escaping space ship$>7ive !e #ac" !y
vouchers22> he screa!ed$;;;In the escaping Space Ship
accelerating &ro! the !oonA Fonny#all piloted the ship heading
&or Australia$Fred and Fonny#alls &loated in the 8ero
gravity together sipping Cha!pagne$>Where's Methane@> as"ed
Fonny#alls$>*h he's outside hanging onA I'll let hi! in
laterA> said Fred$(e switched o&& his radio receiver and
so!e !elodic !usic played indicating the !ission was over$;;%()
)N=;;++Cra, (onus %tor$++ %unlight%unlight - . - The Message From
The Invaders%his story is rated 'B' &or Bad0oice *+er1 People
of )arth we will surround your world with a shield until there is
no sunlight leftand then we will in+ade.*n )arth in =u#lin in the
+J35s the people o& the city and )arth loo"ed up into the s"y
which see!ed very close as a tin &oil shield #egan to surround
planet )arth$)arth loo"ed li"e a painted #ouncy #all$%he
power&ul shield had so!e s!all tin&oil tears #ut too s!all
&or anything to escape$>%hey !ust co!e &ro! an advanced
speciesA> said the two grave diggers in the 6u# %he
7ravediggers$>What will we do when the )arth is covered #y the
shield@> as"ed a tourist$>*ur ar!y will &ight the!A>
said a !an in a !ilitary uni&or! who was in the 6u#$%unlight -
/ - 0arkness is !omingIn the dar" roo!A a !an in a suit sat with
another !an in a u!p suit$>Are the de&ences prepared &or
the invasion@>>%he &ighter ets have #een prepared$>%he
!an in the u!psuit put on a pair o& goggles$>I will lead the
sBuadron o& &ighter ets$>*utside the roo! where it was
really dar"A so!e #right sunlight could #e seen #ehind the
curtains$ %unlight - 1 - Atta!k of the %,a!e %hi,s%he sBuadron
o& &ighter ets which loo"ed li"e s!all toys attached to
stic"s li&ted o&& to &ight the alien invaders$>I
can't &ight the!2%here too !any22> shouted the !an with the
goggles$Behind hi! a curtain !oved #ac" and &orward$(is ship
hit a tin &oil EF* which wo##led and the &ighter plane went
on &ire li"e it was #eing #urned #y a !atch$%unlight - 3 - Fear
on the %treets*n 7ra&ton Street where there was a !i!e artistA
the survivors stood together$Behind the! was a curtain where it
loo"ed li"e people were going to wor"$>%his !ust #e one o&
the aliensA> said a young !an who was #leeding to!ato
"etchup$>%hey !ust not "now how to co!!unicate with usA>
replied a girl who had !etal hel!et on and sunglasses$%he alien
!i!e artist ignored the!$%unlight - 2 - Total 0arknessIn the
graveyard the two !en loo"ed terri&ied as another !an cli!#ed
out o& a hole in what loo"ed li"e a garden$Both grave diggers
loo"ed terri&ied$*ne !an threw hi!sel& onto the ground$%he
other !an clutched his throat and then curled up$%he !an who arose
&ro! the grave wal"ed away slowly and then tripped over the
#ranch o& a tree #ecause he has his eyes closed$%unlight - 3 -
Chased%he girl with the !etal hel!et and the sunglasses screa!ed
and ran into a roo!$%he !an &ro! the grave opened the door and
stretched out his ar!s$%he girls screa!ed and ran around the !an
&ro! the grave$%he !an &ro! the grave snee8ed and ru##ed
his nose$%he phone in the house rang and so!e lady answered it
downstairs$%he wal"ing corpse snee8ed again$%unlight - 4 - The$
Have RobotsWhat loo"ed li"e two s!all toy ro#ots #egan to wal"
across the &loor o& a school corridor$
1ots o& teenagers screa!ed very dra!atically$*ne o& the!
&ought o&& a s!ile as she tried to cry out$*ne o&
the #oys leapt &orward with a #ow and arrow$(e &ired the
#ow and arrow and #oth ro#ots &ell over li"e the ground under
the! had #een !oved$All the teenagers shouted with oy$Behind the!
so!eone told the! to get #ac" to their classes$%unlight - 5 -
Terrif$ing CreaturesIn the car in the dar"nessA the re!aining
survivors loo"ed #ac" at one o& the creatures &ro! the
space ship$It loo"ed li"e a toy sBuirrel #eing dragged #ehind the
car #y a piece o& string$>Faster2 Faster2> shouted one
o& the survivors who loo"ed li"e one o& the !other's o&
the teenagers$%hen une:pectedly a sBuirrel whose !outh was covered
in #lood that was li"e to!ato "etchup dropped in &ront o&
the!$%he !other screa!ed$A picture was then shown o& a toy car
on &ire$%unlight - 6 - The )arth Is %aved%he !an in the
uni&or! stood near an *#servatory$>Fire the !issiles2> he
said$A !an dressed in a "ilt saluted and let o&& a
roc"et$%he tin &oil shell around the )arth was torn apart$%he
)arth #ounced around li"e it was on a piece o& string$0oice
o+er1 An so it was that the )arth was sa+ed by people of incredible
bra+ery with +ery little resources.