Families for Child & Youth Mental Health Parents’ Lifelines Karen Hanna Program Coordinator Parents’ Lifelines The Resilient Advocate
Jan 15, 2016
Families for Child & Youth Mental Health
Parents’ Lifelines
Karen HannaProgram Coordinator
Parents’ Lifelines
The Resilient Advocate
The Resilient AdvocateDisclaimerThis is a GENERALIZED discussion. It is not to be interpreted as specific advice in a specific situation.Every situation is unique and requires advice to be tailored and adapted to that situation. If you are looking for advice about a specific situation or child/youth with mental health issues, speak with a health professional!
Who We Are
PLEO is a non profit volunteer driven organization that supports families with children, youth & young adults living with mental illness
Incorporated in 2000
www.pleo.on.ca
Our Goals
EDUCATESUPPORT EMPOWER
What We Do Operate a Parents’ Lifelines Helpline
Facilitate 3 monthly parent support groups
Issue helpful monthly newsletters
Operate the Source
We advocate for mental health services
Represent the family voice on community committees
Other Community Initiatives
Suicide Prevention Network
Parent’s Lifelines 2012
Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Initiatives in the schools
Training for teachers and students
workshops for families
Increased emphasis on family engagement:
new family engagement workshop for service providers
increased workshops to increase knowledge
Increased conversations - reduced stigma
Mental Health & Resiliency
Mental health and resiliency:Life satisfaction in youth is most correlated with strong family relationships and the happiness of parents; contrary to the popular misconception that children only want to play video games or watch TV, children are in fact most happy when interacting with parents or siblings.
Understanding Society Study, UK Economic and Social Research Council, 2011
The Ottawa Public Health Survey 2012 : 28% of Ottawa students in grades reported
excellent health 1 in 3 reported elevated physiological stress 12 % have seriously considered attempting suicide
in the past year 28 % of students have reported they were bullied
on school property in the past year 1 in 5 students reported that they had been bullied on the internet at least once in the past year
Mental Health Statistics1 in 5 youth will experience mental illness
Only 1 in 6 of them receives treatment
Changing these statistics is everyone’s responsibility
Mental Health Warning Signs in Youth
Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol
Changes Inability to cope with daily problems and activities
Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
Excessive complaints of physical problems
Defying authority, skipping school, stealing, or damaging property
Intense fear of gaining weight
Long-lasting negative mood, often along with poor appetite and thoughts of death
Frequent outbursts of anger
Mental Health Warnings Signs in Youth
• Excessive fear, worry, or anxiety
• Social withdrawal
• Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Excessive fear, worry, or anxiety
• Social withdrawal
• Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits
Adult-Child Relationships are Key
Evidence confirms that adult-child relationships are the key
•Key component to preventing depression/suicide is positive social and emotional connections
between – Teens and supportive adults
– Teens and school– Teens and community
•If you have strong connections with adults, then peer connections are not as important (or
unnecessary)
•Teens with strong connections with adults, even if socially isolated from peers are still resistant to
depression/suicide
Keith, 2012
“Screen” Time2010 Kaiser Family Foundation Survey
U.S. children/teens
7 hours/day ”Entertainment screens"
Television, cell phones, hand-held games, iPads, Internet games, Facebook and video games
2 hours/dayViolent video games
Modern Technology………..may be harming our relationships
Deeper intimacy in relationships being replaced by superficial, weak connections
“I have 500 Facebook friends, but I can’t really talk to anyone”“Facebook depression”
Facebook cited by name in 1/3 of divorce filings (UK study, 2011)
Resiliency
Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the
ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate
emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after a misfortune, blessed with such an outlook, resilient people are
able to change course and soldier on.
Cultivate ResiliencyI Have:
strong relationships, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are
provided;I Am:
a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner
strengths that can be developed;I Can:
communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good
relationships
Psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D
Fail often! Learn Well!
"It's interesting how many people are coming up to me and talking about their relationship with failure," he says. "Everyone thinks they're a failure. The only people who don't are the ones who really are." Bruce Grierson, May 2009
Eight Ways to Fail Better1. Lighten up2. Join the club3. Cultivate optimism4. Ask not what the World can do for you…5. Scale down your expectations of yourself6. Keep a journal7. 7. Stop blaming yourself8. 8. Act!
Life is Multi-DimensionalFour basic dimension to life:
• Achievement
• Community
• Spirituality
• Legacy
Dr. Robert Emmons, University of California psychologist
Dandelions vs. Orchids…
•Most children/youth are
dandelions•Needs are low enough that they can take root and
survive almost anywhere, even when conditions
not optimal
• Some children are orchids
• Fragile, special/high needs, needing special care
• But capable of blooming
spectacularly (even better than
dandelions) when conditions are optimal
Ellis, 2010
Empathy, Validation / acceptance
Understanding
Dan Siegel, 2011; Daniel Hughes, 2011; Gordon Neufeld, 2005
Modeling Good Behaviour
Empathy
A. “I can see that you’re feeling really sad about this…” (giving supportive hug)
B. “You’re feeling sad about that? Come on, there’s a lot worse things than that… You’ll get over it…”
C. “I can’t believe you are freaking out about that. Let me tell you about some REAL problems. Well, in my day….”
EmpathyA. “I can see that you’re feeling really sad
about this…” (giving supportive hug)
B. “You’re feeling sad about that? Come on, there’s a lot worse things than that… You’ll get over it…”
C. “I can’t believe you are freaking out about that. Let me tell you about some REAL problems. Well, in my day….”
Validation / Acceptance
A. “I don’t have time for this right now.” (rolling eyes)
B. “Are you crazy? You can’t even get yourself to school on time!”
C. “Interesting! Tell me more about your idea.”
Validation / Acceptance
A. I don’t have time for this
B. Are you crazy? You can’t even get yourself to school on time!“
C. Interesting! Tell me more about your idea.
Soothing /Understanding
A. “I know how you feel.”
B. “I can see you are really upset by this. I’m sorry this is happening to you.”
C. “Seems to me you are likely causing your own problems with your postings.”
Soothing / Understanding
A. “I know how you feel.”
B. “I can see you are really upset by this. I’m sorry this is happening to you.”
C. “Seems to me you are likely causing your own problems with your postings.”
The Resilient Advocate
I may be pushing your buttons, but I didn’t put
them there!
• Connection before Correction• Find things in common • Show loyalty – be present when you
are hanging talking with them. Give them your attention.
• Praise a child’s effort rather than outcome
• Makes plans to re-connect in the future
• Pay attention to teachable moments
Suggestions for Healthy Interactions
The Resilient Advocate
DEFINITIONS:
•Resilient: (of a person) recovering easily and quickly from shock, illness, hardship, etc; irrepressible
•Advocate: one that supports or promotes the interests of another
• Resilient Advocate: one who can support the interest of another without losing themselves in the process
The Resilient AdvocateAdvocacy Challenges
• Support vs Enablement (positive & negative connotations)
• Respecting independence and timelines – it is THEIR journey
• Lack of engagement with service providers (legality & confidentiality)
• Family dynamics
• Fatigue and Burn Out
Effective Advocacy
Educate YourselfHelp to find and gain access to servicesHelp with Appointment SchedulesKeep a journal Provide input to professionalsConfidentiality is an issue - a legal issueIf your family member wants your involvement they can request it Can always provide one way input
Caregiver StrainHow do we recognize caregiver strain?
Awareness of:•Our habits•Our sleeping patterns•Eating changes•Avoidance of social interactions•Lack of participation & enjoyment in activities
Caregiver StrainHOW TO ADDRESS CAREGIVER STRAIN:
Seek professional help – family doctor, counselor, etc.
Talk to someone you trust
Allow sadness but don’t get stuck there
Feelings of guilt are not helpful
Take time away from the caregiver role
Engage in activities that bring you comfort & joy
Allow yourself to be human!
How Can the Community Help?
• Compassionate
• Knowledgeable
• Non-judgemental
• Accommodating
The Resilient Advocate Toolkit • Calm and reasonable
• Respectful approach
• Tenacity
• Knowledge
• Shift expectations
• Journal
• Connections
• Support
• Wellness
• Sense of Humour
• Carpe Diem
The Resilient AdvocateAs an individual: • Make yourself a priority
• Avoid feeling guilty
• Keep connected
• Tune into your feelings & be honest
• Identify what you really want to do
• Plan a timeout when stress hits
• Buddy up
• Laugh a lot
De-stigmatize Mental Health• Talk openly
• Be aware of the types of comments & judgements you make about others that are struggling
• Let your kids know that you want to hear if they are having trouble
• Reach out to others that are struggling
Maya Angelou
“I can be changed by what happens to me.
But I refuse to be reduced by it.”