Etiquette of talking.

Etiquette of Talking

Case Study: The Conversation

One evening, you were talking about politics with several American students. The Americans were complaining to each other about US Government leaders and making critical comments about their government’s policies. One of them asked you what you thought of this. You think the US interferes too much in Chinese affairs…

Case Study: The Conversation

And you disagree with some US policies toward China. However, it wasn’t very long before several of the American students started interrupting you to defend their government’s policies, and pretty quickly the conversation turned into a rather heated argument between you and them. Finally you left in anger.

Case Study: The Conversation

Why did the Americans get so defensive and angry when you expressed your views?

Likely Interpretations

Something in the way you expressed your ideas upset the Americans (intonation (tone), phrasing)

The Americans may have got the impression that you weren’t really listening to their views (a good tactic to avoid this is to acknowledge the ideas of the other side, to show you are listening and understand others’ point of view)

Likely Interpretations

The main problem (Culture Notes:) is that people are usually more sensitive to criticism from outsiders than from insiders

Discussion: The art of disagreeing diplomatically

Imagine that you are in an argument with someone from another country about that country’s trade policies, and you want to say something like: “Your government should allow more of our products into your country.” This sentence is not very diplomatic (political/tactful/suave) for the following reasons:

Discussion (cont’d)

1) it sounds too much like a command2) the words “your” and “our” underline the

insider/outsider distinction between you and the person you are talking to and create more unnecessary emotional distance.

How are some ways you could restate the sentence so that it means the same thing but sounds more diplomatic (10 mins)

Suggestions

Replace words which stress the “us/them” distinction with more neutral words. Example: The US government should allow more Chinese products into the US.

Make the sentence into more of a suggestion.

Example: Perhaps it would be good if the US government allowed more Chinese products into the US.

Suggestions

Make the sentence softer and more polite. Example: The US government really should allow more Chinese products into the US

Make the sentence into an “I” message. Example: I think that the US government should allow more Chinese products into the US.

Talking in Western Countries

In BelgiumAvoid discussing personal subjects. It’s

inappropriate to begin a conversation here with the up-front question “What do you do” as you might in North America.

Remain modest about your own wealth and professional accomplishments

Talking in Western Countries

Belgium (cont’d)Due to the unwelcome influence from the

Dutch and the French, the linguistic divide that cuts Belgium in half can be a highly sensitive subject, so make an effort not to confuse the two cultural groups and their languages (kind of like Chinese and Japanese)

Talking in Western Countries

In Belgium (cont’d) Welcome Topics:

1. The part of Belgium that you are currently visiting/your travels in other parts of Belgium

2. Belgian Food and Beer

3. Belgian art and architecture

4. Sports (esp. cycling and soccer)

Talking in Western Countries

Topics to Avoid

1. Belgian history (too painful for the most part)

2. The Germans

3. Politics

4. The various languages spoken in Belgium

5. Ethnic Jokes

France

Talking in Western Countries

In France Welcome Topics:

1. Food/Praising French cuisine

2. Art, music, and philosophy

3. Sports

4. Current events/history (if you know what you are talking about)

Talking in Western Countries

Topics to avoid

1. Not to ask an individual about his political leanings or how he voted. You can however; ask about the political system or public opinion about political leaders

2. Do not criticize Napoleon, who has a lasting identity with the French spirit

Talking in Western Countries

3. Refrain from using the standard U.S. conversation opener, “What do you do?”

4. Avoid making personal inquiries, especially during first introductions

Canada!

Talking in Western Countries

In Canada Welcome Topics

1. Hockey

2. Health Care

3. Beer

4. Military

Talking in Western Countries

Topics to avoid:

1. Seal clubbing

2. Making it seem like Canada and the United States are the same especially when it comes to politics

3. Quebec trying to separate

4. Completely untrue stereotypes and how they are perceived by the United States

Talking in Western Countries

What are some Welcome Topics and some Topics to Avoid in China? (10 mins)

Dealing with the Disabled

Dealing with the Disabled

Many people feel uncomfortable in situations involving the disabled, partly because they remind us of our own vulnerability and because we are unsure about how to behave toward those with disabilities

Dealing with the Disabled

The disabled may also be suffering discomfort in the same situations because of restrictions imposed on them by physical structures and the uninformed or callous attitudes of the mobile

Three R’s

Respect. Persons with disabilities deserve the same respect you would extend to anyone else

Relax. Meeting, talking to, and dealing with a disabled person should never generate undue tension. Relax and behave naturally

Three R’s

Reason. Reasonable common sense and common courtesy will allow you to avoid or resolve difficult situations involving the disabled

10 Helping Tips

1. If you offer assistance, wait until the offer is accepted. Listen for information about what form the assistance should take

2. Speak directly to the disabled person, not through a third party. This tip is particularly important when addressing a hearing-impaired person and someone else is “signing” for him.

10 Helping Tips

3. Always offer to shake hands

4. Identify yourself and others to a visually impaired person. Always let them know when you are leaving the room

5. Treat adults like adults. Don’t use a person’s first name until someone asks you to. Don’t pat. Don’t patronize.

6. Don’t shout.

10 Helping Tips

7. Don’t touch, lean on, or move a wheelchair without permission. Treat the chair as part of the person occupying it.

8. Don’t distract a working seeing-eye dog.

10 Helping Tips

9. When conversing with a person with a speech impediment, listen carefully and never pretend to understand. If in doubt, ask questions. Be patient. Don’t interrupt or fill in a word for someone with a stutter. Don’t raise your voice. Louder is not better.

10 Helping Tips

10. Don’t fret about phrases. Speak as you would normally and don’t worry about using terms such as running around (to someone in a wheelchair) or listen to that, or see you later.

What Should We Talk About?

When talking to someone with a disability, avoid the term handicapped. Use the word disabled.

In addition, say, “the person with the disability,” rather than “the disabled person.” Say, “the person who has epilepsy,” rather than “the epileptic”. This helps you avoid defining the person as the condition. (accurate and considerate.)

Embarrassing Situations

Your colleague’s fly is open, your friend has a giant run in her stocking, you friend has spinach stuck between his front teeth, or someone has really bad breath. What do you do (10 mins)

Embarrassing Situations

You have to be direct but discreet. Get the person out of earshot of other people and say “your fly is open” in the same tone of voice you would use to say, “it’s raining outside.” If you don’t know the person, find somebody in the group who does to give the message.

Inappropriate Questions

Are you two sleeping together?How much money do you make?How come you don’t have any children?

If someone comes up with a nasty or particularly inappropriate question, you can ignore it or tell the person that you consider the question to be rude or simply say “Why do you ask”

Stand By Me

Somebody verbally attacks your friend when your friend isn’t present, and you know you will regret it if you don’t speak up. Here are some ways to respond:

Wrong: “Look who’s talking. You’re the jerk who…” or “That’s a lie”

Better: “I’m not sure that’s exactly the way it happened. Even if it is, I’m sure that Tom had a good reason for reacting the way he did.”

Stand By Me

Better: “I’m not sure that’s exactly the way it happened. Even if it is, I’m sure that Tom had a good reason for reacting the way he did.”

If the other person asks what kind of reason Tom could have, say, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him the next time you see him?”

See you next week!