Establishing Healthy Boundaries Molly Smith, DMH Clinician Karen Furman, School Social Worker
Dec 15, 2015
What are Boundaries?Think about a map. When you look at a map, do you see boundaries? What are they?
Personal BoundariesPeople have boundaries too. Knowing my boundaries means:
Establishing limits
Knowing where I end and others begin
Understanding the difference between what is mine and what is not
Respecting people’s privacy
Being strong when other people try to take advantage of me
Not taking advantage of others when they don’t know as much about something as I do
Personal Boundaries Include:
Your own body
Your own things
Your own space (can also be called Personal Space)
Respecting yourself enough to say, “No, leave me alone, I don’t want to, I can’t now, I want to talk to my friends now, etc.”
RespectShowing consideration for myself and others
Treating myself and others with dignity
Understanding and valuing my boundaries and rights
understanding and valuing other people’s boundaries and rights
Power Continued…Power means having control and influence.
People abuse this power when they take advantage of other people or violate the personal boundaries of others.
Ways that people can have Power over another
person:People who may appear to have power may be:
Bigger
Older
Smarter
“Better looking”
More popular
Have more money
Not Respecting the personal boundaries of
others can be considered:Peer Pressure
Harassment
Sexual Harassment
Bullying
Peer PressureBeing forced or pressured into doing something
because your peers are doing it or making you do it, not because you want to.
HarassmentPersistent and
unwanted behavior of an offensive nature intended to disturb or upset the victim.
Sexual HarassmentAny unwelcome behavior of a sexual nature,
whether the behavior is written, verbal, or physical such that the person is uncomfortable, intimidated, or threatened by the behavior.
BullyingWhen any word or action causes someone else
harm.
REMEMBER R.I.P.
R – Repeated
I – Intending to cause harm
P – Power imbalance
Personal boundaries can be violated when:
You are touched by somebody else
You are verbally harassed by somebody else (this can also include over text, e-mail, Facebook, etc.)
Your belongings are taken or touched by somebody else
You are forced or pressured to do something that you don’t want to do
How does it feel to have your personal boundaries
violated? Uncomfortable
Confusing
Unsafe
Uneasy
Scary
Embarrassing
Vulnerable
Powerless
What else?
What do you do if your personal boundaries are
violated?Say NO! Get away from the situation.
Tell the violator how you feel.
Tell an adult
Remember that it’s not your fault
Appropriate vs. Inappropriate
Appropriate means something that is suitable for the occasion or circumstances. It also refers to behavior that is respectful or socially acceptable.
Inappropriate means the opposite – something that is not suitable for the occasion or circumstances.
Example #1Jamal has a crush on Tamara. Tamara doesn’t
know that Jamal exists. In order to get Tamara’s attention, Jamal sneaks up behind her at her locker and smacks her in the back of her head.
Example #2Lisa is late to class and needs a pencil. She
cannot find one in her locker. She remembers Angela’s locker combination from the beginning of the year and decides to go help herself to a pencil from Angela’s locker. While she’s in there, she also decides to borrow some gum and lip gloss. Angela won’t mind!
Example #4Jason is running down the hallway and
accidentally runs into Ben, hitting Ben’s arm and knocking Ben’s books to the ground.
Example #5Albert and Rhonda are walking to Union Station
after school. Albert reaches out and grabs Rhonda’s hand, which she likes. Then, he puts his arm around her, which makes her uncomfortable. Rhonda asks Albert to take his arm off of her, and he replies, “But you’re my girl.”
Example #6Tanya and Jess meet up on the playground
before school. Tanya hasn’t done her homework, so she says, “Jess, why don’t we skip today.” Tanya knows that school is important to Jess, but she tries to convince her to skip anyway by enticing her with lunch at Chipotle.
RESOURCESDCPS Municipal Regulations www.dcps.dc.gov
GOOD-TOUCH/BAD-TOUCH® Curriculum Guide
http://school.discoveryeducation.com
http://www.rockingham.k12.va.us