Emotional inteligence

Emotional Intelligence

Different Jobs & EI

• Different jobs require different attributes of EI

Sales Accountant Surgeons Lawyers Engineers Social Workers

Self-Actualization

Problem Solving

Independence Self-Actualization

Self-Actualization

Independence

Assertiveness Interpersonal Relationships

Stress Tolerance

Happiness Happiness Stress Tolerance

Happiness Happiness Empathy Stress Tolerance

Optimism Assertiveness

Optimism Self-Regard Impulse Control

Assertiveness Empathy Impulse Control

Self-Regard Emotional Self Awareness

Flexibility Social Responsibility

Interpersonal Relationships

Optimism

EQ Short test

• http://www.linac.co.uk/images/PDFs/PersonalDownloads/EI_SelfAssessment.pdf

EQ test - detailed

http://testyourself.psychtests.com/bin/transfer?req=MnwyMDkyfDIzNjYwNXwxfDF8MQ==&refempt

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Can EI be developed?

• You can develop your EI by upgrading your emotional skills.

• EQ is not entirely inherited. • Emotional Intelligence is not fixed at birth. • There are no emotional intelligence genes.• It is something one has learned.

Components of EI

What is Emotional Intelligence?• The capacity

– for recognizing our own feelings and those of others,

– for motivating ourselves, and – for managing emotions well in ourselves and in

our relationships. • Emotional intelligence describes abilities

distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence.” Daniel Goleman (1998)

IQ v/s EQ(

• Research shows that IQ can help you to be successful to the extent of 20% only in life.

• The rest of 80% success depends on your EQ

80% EQ

20% IQ

India’s first test tube baby inventor and hid “invention”

• Dr Subhash Mukerjee, who invented the method of producing the first test tube baby in India in 1978 committed suicide in 1981 as he was unable to cope with the unfair criticism by the medical fraternity who thought that he was fake.

Tathagat Avtar Tulsi

• He completed high school at the age of 9, B.Sc at 10 and a M.Sc at 12 from and Ph.D at 19 from IISc in August 2009.

• In July 2010, he became Assistant Professor at IIT Bombay making him the youngest faculty member ever at an IIT.

• Due to an unfair criticism by Nobel prize winners in Germany where he was taken to be tested if he was really a genius, he became depressed almost for 3 years before he regained his confidence once again.

Marshmallow experiment

• 12-14 years later the children who had resisted the temptation had grown– more socially

competent, – self assertive – coped better with life’s

frustrations• Those who ate had grown

into – more stubborn,

indecisive and stressed individuals

Anatomy behind emotions

Emotional brain is seated in Amygdala situated on top of brain stem.

This was primitive brain

Anatomy behind emotions

Autism

• A brain development disorder– impaired social interaction and

communication– restricted and repetitive behavior.

• These signs all begin before a child is three years old.

• Autism affects many parts of the brain; how this occurs is not understood.

Self Awareness

• People with this competence–Know which emotions they are

feeing and why–Realize the links between their

feelings and actions and performance

–Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals

Some typical blind spots

• Blind ambition• Unrealistic goals• Relentless striving• Power hungry• Insatiable need for recognition• Pre-occupation with appearances• Need to seem perfect

Use of Johari Window.

Make groups of four and let each of the other three assess your strengths

in the quadrant “Blind spot”

Compare your scores with the average of the others’ score.

Take a decision of your strength based on own assessment and

others’ assessment

If you wish, you can do the same for your weaknesses (if you

do not get emotional)

Choose what you are from …

1.energetic 11. confident 21. independent 31. unhappy 41. warm

2. accepting 12. intelligent 22. organized 32. assertive 42. intelligent

3. adaptable 13. introverted 23. patient 33. cynical 43. witty

4. extroverted 14. kind 24. powerful 34. sensible 44. strict

5. friendly 15. knowledgeable 25. arrogant 35. sentimental 45. sad

6. calm 16. logical 26. quiet 36. helpful 46. insensitive

7. caring 17. loving 27. reflective 37. idealistic 47. rash

8. cheerful 18. mature 28. relaxed38. spontaneous 48. inattentive

9. helping 19. modest 29. tense 39. empathic 49. rigid

10. happy 20. nervous 30. responsive 40. trustworthy 50. dull

Self Awareness Strategies

• Quit treating your feelings as good or bad.• Feel your emotions physically• Know who and what pushes your buttons• Keep a journal about your emotions

Self Awareness Strategies

• Do not be fooled by a bad mood• Do not be fooled by a good mood either• Stop and ask yourself why you do the things

that you do• Visit your values• Check yourself• Spot your emotions in books, movies and

music• Seek feedback (use Johari window)• Get to know yourself under stress

Self Control

• People with competence– Manage their impulsive feelings and

distressing emotions well– Stay composed, positive even in trying

moments– Think clearly and stay focused under pressure

How to be in control of our emotions?• Reflect, look at yourself and ask some questions.• Examine critically how you might perform those tasks more

efficiently. • Try to prevent problems from ever arising. • Develop a mindset that looks to solve problems instead of

dwelling on them. • Get and stay ahead of less-urgent, day-to-day tasks. • Know which tasks are priorities and which can wait. what you

are doing to make sure that you do finish the tasks listed on it. • Eliminate altogether any task that is truly unnecessary. • Evaluate your procedures and processes as you use them. • Try to anticipate needs and things you will need to know• Worry “Cloak Room”

How to improve self control

• Smiling• Laughing• Deep breathing• Concentrate on the circle of influence• Meditation

Motivation

• Achievement drive– Striving to improve or meet a standard of

excellence• Commitment

– Embracing the organization’s vision and goals• Initiative and optimism

– Twin competencies that mobilize people to seize opportunities and allow them to take setbacks and obstacles in stride

“ The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive. ”

Albert Einstein (1879–1955)

Steve Jobs

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.

Optimism Versus PessimismOptimists

– Explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal).

– Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external).

Pessimists – They believe that negative events are caused by

them (internal). – They believe that one mistake means more will

come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global)

What This Means

• Optimism is good for your future. • Negative events are more likely to

roll off of your back• Positive events affirm your belief in

yourself • Good news: These patterns of

thinking can be learned to a degree

Moment of Truth

The numerous 15 seconds interaction where customers interact with front-line employees.

These “moments of truth” are the moments that ultimately determine whether the company will succeed or fail as a company.

How to become an optimist?

• Focus on your strengths.• Look honestly at your weaknesses.• Challenge and change your thought

processes• Expect change to be slow.• Learn from mistakes• Practice positive affirmations• When negative events occur, think of the

difficult circumstances that could have contributed to this happening.

Work is Love - Kahlil Gibran, author of ‘The Prophet’

And what is it to work with love?

It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.

It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.

It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy, even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.

Work is love made visible.

And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple

and take the alms of those who work with joy.

For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half a man’s hunger.

And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine.

And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man’s ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the

night.

Self Management strategies

• Breathe right• Create an emotion versus reason list• Make your goal public• Count to ten• Sleep on it• Make your Talk to a skilled self manager• Smile and laugh more• Set aside some time in your day for problem solving• Take control of your self talk• Visualize yourself succeeding

Incorrect listening1. Ignoring

2. Pretending - going through the motions without trying to understand

3. Selective listening - only hearing parts of what is said (what they want to hear)

4. Attentive listening - only hearing the words and missing the feeling behind the words

5. Autobiographical listening - a head filled with thoughts of themselves, their concerns, their stories.

Chinese character for “Listening”

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood5 110

Empathic Listening

• Provide the speaker with your undivided attention. • Be non-judgemental. Don’t minimize or trivialize the

speakers issue.• Read the speaker. Observe the emotions behind the

words. Is the speaker angry, afraid, frustrated or resentful. Respond to the emotion as well as the words.

• Be Quiet. Don’t feel you must have an immediate reply. Often if you allow for some quiet after the speaker has vented, they themselves will break the silence and offer a solution.

• Assure your understanding. Ask clarifying questions and restate what you perceive the speaker to be saying.

Importance of empathy

• Doctors who do not listen get sued more in the US.

• Listening empathically to end customers result in better product designs

• In business dealings, understanding how someone feels need not lead to giving in, but to more skillful negotiations

EI and Trust

• Emotional bank Balance is another name for Trust

• There are 4 cores of trust– Integrity or Character– Intention– Capability– Results

• Integrity or Character is directly related to EI.

Emotional behaviours to earn trust

• Talk straight – Be honest• Create transparency• Seek first to understand.• Show kindness, courtesy, respect.• Be loyal to the absent.• Set clear expectations.• Apologize.• Keep commitments• Deliver results• Practice accountability• Forgive.

Social Awareness Strategies

• Greet people by name• Watch body language• Make timing everything• Develop a back pocket question• Don’t completely immerse yourselves in

taking notes at meetings• Plan ahead for social gatherings• Live in the moment• Go on a 15-minute tour

Social skill

•Proficiency in managing relationships and building networks

•Find common ground and build rapport

•Effectiveness in leading change

•Building and leading teams

•Persuasiveness, and moving people in a direction you desire

Have a genuine interest in others

• Socially intelligent people show a genuine interest in others

• They put aside their own internal mental distractions - being "in the moment”

• People lacking in social confidence, tend to internalise - their attention being on their own thoughts and (usually) discomfort.

• As a result they miss valuable cues and appear disinterested.

Have a genuine interest in others

• Showing a genuine interest involves caring about others’ well-being.

• This interest shows itself in behaviours, such as being on time for appointments.

• They maintain appropriate eye-contact, anticipating people's needs

• Without this authentic base, the individual is simply seen as being manipulative.

Expressing emotions

• The assertive expression of ourselves depends heavily on non-verbal communication and tone of voice.

• Socially intelligent people express emotions well and they do so in ways beneficial to all.

• Emotions are contagious -other people will catch them.

Expressing emotions

• Positive emotions improve performance in the workplace

• Yet joy, happiness, and excitement are the least expressed emotions in the workplace.

Understanding social environments

• Need a good knowledge about people and the workings of the social world

• Socially intelligent people understand the different personalities of those they work with.

Understanding social environments

• This helps them to motivate and deal with different people in different ways.

• They understand the often unwritten, norms and etiquette for varied social situations.

• Aware of political undercurrents and power relationships within the group.

Developing social intelligence

• Genetics does play a role in determining social intelligence, but it can be developed.

• Calls for changing the way you act and interact with others, and making them a habit.

• This takes focused attention and practice over time.

Go to office with a right mindset

• Enter your office with a positive mindset about your work, colleagues and employer.

• Bearing negative thoughts about your workplace will hamper your performance and make you hate it.

Maintain a good rapport at office • Not practiced very often. • Maintain an open communication

with your boss and colleagues.• Practice small things like

– helping people wherever you can– pass a gentle smile as you see a colleague

• Others will help you when you need it.

Stress tolerance

• Ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without “falling apart”

• Involves – problem-solving– optimism,– knowledge of stress coping strategies and practice

• People who have good stress tolerance face crises and problems.

• They do not surrender to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

We've travelled the world, lived in different countries, made more money than we ever thought possible, and enjoyed spending as much of it as we could on things that brought us joy and satisfaction.

We believe in the philosophy that our life belongs to us and only us, and we have the right to choose.

The couple who wrote this committed suicide. This was their suicide note (in Goa in 2012)

Reason could be: Loss of reason to live.

Relation Management Strategies

• Be open and be curious• Enhance your natural communication skill• Remember the little things that pack a

punch• Take feedback well• Build trust• Only get mad on purpose

Relation Management Strategies

• Don’t avoid the inevitable• Acknowledge the other person’s feelings• Complement the other person’s emotions or

situation• When you care, show it• Explain your decisions, don’t just make them• Make your feedback direct and constructive -

BIT• Align your intention with impact

Relation Management Strategies

• Offer a “Fix-it” statement during a broken conversation

• Tackle a tough conversation