Echoes From the Void: Magick of the Abyss

Echoes From the

Void: Magick of the

Abyss

Echoes From the Void

By

Sorsha Runarius

2019

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Table of Contents

Introduction: The Abyss Stares Back

Desert Shenanigans: Tornadoes and Trains

Need: Naked and Alone

Crucible of Will: Focus and Sacrifice

Unflinching Loyalty: What it Takes

Descent: No Permission

Silent Void: Becoming Darkness

Finding Resonance: Guts and Glory

No Bargaining: Death Blinked First

The Black Flame: Breathing on Embers

Soul Surgery: The Inner Chamber

Victorious Ascent: Doing the Impossible

Purple Lightning: Awaken

Power: Raw and Uncut

Living From the Core: Infinite Potential

Acknowledgements

Thank you to those who have inspired,

challenged, and been supportive on my journey.

There have been many: S. Ben Qayin. He has been there for so much and has given great things to the magickal community. And

although you would tell me that there are no thanks necessary, I wish to convey how much

you mean to me.

–I thank you Brother, more than I can put into

words…

J.W. for your willingness to shape reality with me. You’ve always had my back and were up for

epic shenanigans as well. Thank you for “storming the castle” with me. --And to the

other magickal pioneers who by bringing forth

their best work, have changed the face of magick

and the world. Lastly, to my clients and readers: Thank you for walking these trails with me, in

whatever manner you choose. We can experience life and celebrate our strengths and

victories amongst allies and those aligned within these currents.

Introduction

People talk about a “dark night of the soul”,

where one goes within to face their shadow. While that is true of many of us, this journey

and Path not only requires an inward spiral, but traversing the collective Abyss; the one that is

often theorized about but rarely truly reached objectively. Some have dangled their toes;

others have waded in…. and yet there are some of us who for necessity and choice dive face first

into the deep end.

While this is work you ultimately do alone on

many levels, interesting things happen when magickal people work together. The ability to

have shared experiences and verified results from outside sources have proven valuable to my

own work. It is a paradox. One must be willing to be self-motivated and do it alone, yet you may

partner with resources offered and given. When books are closed, conversations have ceased, and

all that remains is you, the stillness within and without is found. Life and Death are your

teachers; learn your lessons well.

The experiences I have had have changed me forever. One does not emerge the same person

as when one goes in. The door will always be open, and the currents flow both ways. Used

with intention, its unlike anything you will wield. This is the primordial center where

magick happens; it is the crucible of chaos and destruction. It is also a source of possibility,

growth and renewal. Use it wisely.

Desert Shenanigans:

Tornadoes and Trains

The desert takes our dreams away from us, and they don't always return.... Those who don't return become a part of the clouds, a part of the animals that hide in the ravines and of the water that comes from the earth. They become part of everything … They become the Soul of the World.

~Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

As I drove my Mustang GT across the desert, all

I could see was sand and sky. On the horizon,

darkness began to stir and gathered into a storm that

quickly took form. The thundering clouds boiled the

sky a dry grey; a charcoal canvas where the tendrils of

clouds began to descend. Several of these spiraling

tentacles became one and touched down. The sky was

an ocean, and an ancient consciousness awakened from

the Deep…

The wind that spent a lazy afternoon running its

fingers through my hair as I walked through an empty

field was now whipping my skin and gathering

strength. It’s sandpaper touch scoured layers of skin,

leaving me bloody and raw. I saw it rapidly

approaching in the distance.

Racing to the nearest building, I skid to a stop,

grab my mom and cat, and head for the storm cellar.

I shove them through the narrow opening and try to

enter. I can’t fit -- Look back with trepidation---it’s

getting closer!

I shut the door, run next door and manage to get

inside…. but then I knew…. I knew it was coming for

me. There was nowhere I could hide or find shelter. I

looked into the eyes of the souls huddled around me,

and knew I could not remain here. Everything near

and dear to me would be destroyed, and the

consciousness that was this perfect storm would rip

asunder dwellings brick by brick, leaving destruction

and chaos in its wake.

I knew I had to leave for my sake and theirs. I

was back in my car trying to outrun them. My car is

FAST, but tornadoes are faster….and this one was

alive. Nine tornadoes separated from the gargantuan

one and pointedly lined the road. Each time I would

attempt an alternate route, an obstinate tornado

appeared in my way. As long as I remained on the

path, the Storm waited and watched me.

I checked my rearview mirror, and of course one

was chasing me so I could not turn back. The only

way was forward…. So finally, I got out of the car

and stepped out to meet it. My consciousness merged

with an achingly old mind. It took me as I stepped

towards it. I was taken up and apart within

it…broken, reformed, and then a truer version of

myself was rebuilt. I learned to ride this tornado,

become it, dwell within its dark center….and then I

woke up….

Dreams can be instructive. More-so when a friend had one with similar themes the same

night. We had both been going through a lot of changes, mundane and magickal. We had been

talking for some time about living together, but the timing was never right. I shall call her

“J.W.”, and I had met her online within mutual magickal communities, but had never before met

in person. Still, she is someone I trust and has been there for me through so much of my own

journey.

Through many doors opening and by paying attention to the synchronicities before us, a way

to change both our lives presented itself. We had been having shared experiences and feeling

pulled towards similar currents, and things opened up.

I had just the previous month walked away from a stable job to pursue other things that

mean more to me full time. The pay was great but I needed more time to write, do ritual for

hire and create the reality I desire. I was able to walk away gracefully and with tact from the

golden-handcuffs and gilded-cage-job I broke free from, and launched myself into doing what I

have always dreamed.

It was a huge leap, but one I made gleefully.

It was in itself an act of rebellion, as “normal” people in my immediate circle placed high value

on stable careers, regardless of the cost to one’s soul-joy. They were willing to set aside

happiness in favor of playing the “9-to-5” game. This always involved settling for any job that

would have me, regardless of if I liked it, and trading my precious time for a paycheck I was

taxed a ridiculously high amount for, only to buy shit I didn’t really need.

This is what we do in our society at large.

We become corporate whores, selling that which is most precious, for a paycheck we don’t often

get to keep; give much of it to our pimp-master government. --Only to barely survive; living

only for weekends, holidays and vacations…during which you often have a sense

of dread, because you know you have to return to work. Fuck that.

I bought into this briefly out of necessity, yet I always knew I would walk away. --It was just

a matter of time. I knew with utter clarity I had to leave my job. It made little sense to anyone in

my life, save a few dear friends who knew me well.

J.W. was also going through her own

transitions, and it just so happened she had a spare room available. She invited me out for a

visit, and depending on how it went, I could stay…So I did. I walked away from everything

back home, and only fit the most important things my car would hold. Most of it was rare

precious books on magick and things to get me by for an extended stay. I grabbed a few altar

tools and my laptop, a suitcase of clothes, and that was it.

Before setting out, I looked around my room

at all I had collected. Beautiful fabrics, tapestries, giant candelabras, hundreds of candles

--I left. My personal style in décor runs from Baroque, Louis XIV/French Court to slightly

Medieval with a dash of Tudor and hints of English Country. I take pride in the exquisite

magickal spaces I design, and this had been my Sanctuary for some time.

After turning off the light and locking the door, I departed for new terrain and adventure.

Within two days of the offer to come out to Arizona, I was on my way. I knew I would

always have a place where I came from, and my space would remain untouched on the property

outside town, in which it resides. Though it pained me slightly to leave so many nice and

useful things, I needed a fresh start. Taking only what I need allows for simplicity and lighter

travel.

My first few trips to other deserts were incredibly significant to me. During a visit with

another friend, after days of intense ritual, we went into a cave for the final one, and in many

ways, helped each other die, in a cave where many Apache warriors had met their end in fire

and smoke. A place almost no one visits today, as it’s dangerous and difficult to access, and also

in a remote part of the desert.

We came out as different people, and realized more fully the catalyst we were for each other.

There were other seasons I got to have with this person, and it allowed me to become as family

with more amazing and precious people. For that I am grateful.

The desert is an interesting place. There is something haunting and powerful about it.

Whether it is due to the history, the ancient peoples, the rock formations or natural gateways

and vortexes, it is an especially good place for magickal operations. It is a harsh unforgiving

land where only the strong survive. The desert gives no fucks if you live or die in it….it simply

IS.

The air is different and more charged, the sun seems brighter, and its essence purifies a person.

Trekking out into the wilderness strips away all that you are not, to reveal that which you are. It

leaves nothing but bone and underlying structure.

In the weeks leading up to this new

adventure, J.W. and I had been getting hit on all sides with several challenges…. some personal,

business, family etc. I had also done a ritual unleashing specific forces into our lives, and in

many ways, this was the fallout as it removed obstacles.

At this trainyard in time and space, many opportunities presented themselves, but none

were right. We both waited and watched…. until the right one came in the middle of the night. It

didn’t stop, nor would it for anyone. We had to run, catch up as it neared, and jump aboard or be

pulled under. The only other option was watching it pass by, knowing there would never

be another one like it…. And that was not truly an option we could live with…. So, we leapt,

grabbed tight, climbed aboard… and it has been a wild damn ride ever since.

I was called out into the desert to discover many things, mostly about myself. I was at a

crossroads, in that on one hand, the temptation to stay in a comfortable environment was strong,

as was the desire to remain near family and friends. But this was something greater, and I

felt there was something coming, if only I saw it when it did.

In previous conversations about future living

arrangements, plans seemed to fall through or change suddenly. We both had several big life

changes, and yet now the synchronicities lined up. We both knew it was the chance we needed

at a fresh start. The plan was hatched under cover of darkness. A few days later I set a course

down the highway, through the desert, in which

cactuses as sentinels held vigil, watching me drive into the sun and the unknown.

Need:

Naked and Alone

“You should not see the desert simply as some faraway

place of little rain. There are many forms of thirst.”

~Willian Langeweische

When I was struggling with a recent life

change, I had never felt more alone than at that moment. A relationship fell apart, friendships

had changed, and things I had planned with certain people had to find new dynamics by

necessity. I felt despair creep in, and just when I thought I would never figure certain things out,

everything changed. It was only then that certain forces approached me and helped me

rebuild. These things would push, challenge and help me give up everything that stood as an

obstacle or attachment holding me back.

It was only after being willing to walk away from everything I knew, that the path became

clear, and the steps made known.

A few weeks after getting out to Arizona, I got a phone call from the roommate of a good

friend back in Oregon. She frantically explained that our dear friend had a bad reaction to

medication for a medical procedure she was planning to have done.

Apparently, they had brought her home from the doctor, left her on the couch as she hadn’t the

strength to climb the stairs. She was nauseous and fatigued. She fell asleep, and that is the last

thing she remembers. The roommate being a night-owl checked on her during the night, and

come morning, as she was fixing breakfast she heard a noise—a gurgle and a gasp—then---

silence…. She didn’t think too much of it at the time. Several minutes later, she said she had a

feeling come over her. Her hair stood on end and she knew she should check on our friend.

Upon entering the living room, she

discovered our friend unconscious, not breathing, and without a pulse. She was ashen,

with lips of blue. The roommate began CPR and called 911. The medics came, and stated that if it

had been much longer, there would be nothing to have been done.

My heart dropped as I learned the details of

how the medics took over CPR, loaded her into

the ambulance, and continued working until they arrived at the hospital. They revived her

briefly in the ambulance, before my friend again succumbed to unconsciousness. By the time she

was at the hospital she was in a coma, and then placed on a ventilator on full life support while

there. Due to the condition she was in, the doctors had ordered next of kin be notified as the

outcome did not look favorable after their initial assessment.

As a former EMT myself, I knew how serious the situation was. I had been on many calls such

as this, and lost people in the field. It sucks, but not everything can be fixed. Rule #1 of EMS is

that people die. Rule #2 is …. Refer to rule #1… yet, knowing this did not make it any easier.

Another benefit of my training in this field, is the ability to compartmentalize, even when it

hits close to home.

I sat there, stunned and crying for some time --this is someone who is like a sister to me. I

wasn’t ready to let her go or imagine a world without her in it. I knew I could not make it

back to Oregon in time, yet I was torn because I wanted to be there for her. It then dawned on

me that I could better do what needed to be done from where I was at, rather than spend all my

energy and time driving to beat the clock there. –Not to mention struggling with my emotions

and navigating the ones of friends and family back home. It would have exhausted any reserve

I had left, and I knew I needed it to do what I intended.

After the conversation, I decided to do whatever was in my power as a Magician to do

to help her. J.W. knew what I had in mind and insisted on being involved in some way. Good

friends are there when you need them. I gratefully accepted any help offered. We made a

few calls to other magickal people, put the word out that a dear friend was in serious need. Any

good intention or healing thoughts would be dearly appreciated. We gratefully welcomed

good intentions, and any ritual people were inclined to do on their own. We understood it

all would prove helpful, though this direct work was for us to do.

Later that evening, I energetically tapped in to

my friend, and was surprised to find no trace of her in this world. She was entirely gone! In the

past she had been in some accidents and she recalled hovering over her body, able to describe

details of an operating room she had never “seen”, and also repeat conversations doctors and

surgeons had while she was “out”, as many people in similar circumstances have described;

yet this was different. She was simply NOT here, anywhere. Upon further investigation and

expanding my search, I then knew where she was---- the Void…. the Abyss…. The place people

may go before transitioning completely elsewhere, not returning to the life they once had

in this current timeline.

Her body was being kept alive solely by

machines, science and medicine, but the thing that makes her HER, was on another plane

entirely. The only thing I sensed from her in that space was Stillness. Even there, she was

very faint energetically.

The Abyss is an interesting place; the Silence and Darkness profound. It is all and nothing…. a

place of pure potential. It is there that I hear the heartbeat and echo of the universe. The

primordial origin of all that is. In the same breath, it is also utter oblivion, the

nothingness…. An absence of being. Perfect Peace. –Yet these are still human notions, and

the Void is beyond all of that.

Like Schrodinger’s cat, it is both alive and dead; there and not there, --until you look. It is

determined by the observer in many ways, yet

beckons you to seek further. It also begs the question of what you shall encounter once you

face it--- an existential crisis? --Or the place in which you truly face yourself in all your many

layers of humanity and divinity. Once you do, you are forever touched by Darkness, to bear it

in the light of day; in whichever world you choose to walk.

I went through a range of emotions at this time. I felt angry, hopeless, frustrated, sad,

anguished and resentful. The doctors made a mistake in issuing this medication to my friend,

and it cost her dearly. I normally would be inclined to ask the spirits I work with for help,

but words eluded me. After the tumultuous flood coursing through me, I was left numb,

empty, and clear.

At this moment, I did not feel the need to call in any entities to evoke; I knew I had to go in

alone. Even so, one of my spiritual allies I had been working with heavily at the time, Azazel,

did say, when I mentally asked him what I needed for a successful outcome, replied:

“The Key is Iron Will.”

This was a crossroads for me, because

normally I would not hesitate to evoke an entity

for assistance in aligning my will with theirs to boost a ritual. Instead, I had a deep feeling that I

needed to go in alone, with the exception of a human magickal partner if they offered their aid,

which J.W. did. There was something about the willingness that seemed important. It was

different than any rite I have done before or since, yet the things I learned have remained

with me.

This situation was the catalyst, the reason for

going into this Dark realm, yet while I was there I discovered more of myself. I pushed beyond

reason, beyond measure, and to my very limits….and then I went further.

I began by disrobing, and taking off anything

human, even ritual jewelry---my beloved talisman of the Triangle of Eternal Evocation,

(designed by S. Ben Qayin) which represents so much to me--- strength, honor, power, ascent

and Brotherhood---set aside next to the censer. Like Inanna walking the underworld, I had to

leave layers behind.

After preparing a very cold ritual bath of sea salt, mug wort and wormwood, I emerged

shivering and naked. I gently toweled myself off and prepared for my descent. I welcomed the

essence of Death, felt the Darkness fill me. To

deal in death requires part of you to die…and this can take many forms. I followed the candle light

into my room, where I had previously laid out the Trinity of Triangles I love using, as it is a

potent gateway. I put myself in the center of the triangle instead, because it felt right. I had no

exact plan, just that I would let my intuition drive me.

J.W. was waiting for me and had been clearing the space and apartment of anything not

conducive to our work. Using sage, and a blend of incense she created, she danced as a dark

goddess declaring war upon any opposition, grinding into dust with her mortar and pestle

any mundane worries… to be trod underfoot in her timeless dance of destruction.…a throbbing

heartbeat of rhythm and grace. No words were spoken, we simply both knew our parts.

I poured us both a drink of homebrewed

Absinthe, a special gift, made by a friend (from another desert escapade). Normally I would

enjoy the ritual and louche of water over sugar and ice; a blend of opalescent green…. yet tonight

I desired to consume liquid fire. So, savored, sipped and undiluted it burned its way down my

throat.

After going through water, and passing through smoke, I was ready for fire. I was

unconcerned that I was nude with a partner I had not worked with in person before. There

was not a thought in my head except the present moment. I had shed tears that night, but right

then I remember the clarity and calm that settled in.

I stood there before fire, and then sat. I heaped copal resin, along with dragon’s blood,

mug wort and wormwood, frankincense and myrrh upon the glowing ember and waited. In

most rituals this is where I would evoke…. but not this night. Tonight, was about fully

recognizing and stepping into my power and owning it. I offered my blood as a sacrifice and

power for the rite.

For me, this was the point of no return. Once I crossed through this gateway, things would

definitely happen; things that would affect me for the rest of my life, and there would be no

going back. I always get results with my work. --In this I am utterly confident. The challenge

would be dealing with what outcome was achieved.

I intended to save my friend if I could…. I see

that as a huge responsibility and honor to do so.

As such, if the outcome was less than ideal, in that if what we brought back was a shell of the

person I knew, and if she would have the IQ of a turnip, shitting in diapers and on a feeding tube,

then I would absolutely do what was needed magickally to reverse the flow of life. That is

not a responsibility I took lightly, but it was mine nonetheless.

I did not want to attach myself to that particular outcome however, as I only wanted to

entertain full success. But I was willing and prepared to do so as a last kindness to my friend.

If I could not bring her back, and if the doctors said there was definitely no hope of survival, or

if “life” consisted of caregivers and no sense of self, then I would help her transition spiritually

through vampiric and other magickal means.

That was the only condition I was willing to make. For me it reflects my personal ethics: if I

am willing to take on the magnitude of bringing a life back; altering reality to do so; then I must

also be willing to remove life, if the person I tried to bring back would have no semblance of

the life she knew and wanted. Each person must judge where that line is for themselves.

Some practitioners in various occult groups

say that magick should not be born from desire

or need. I disagree. While clinging obsessively to an outcome may sabotage one’s work by

imprinting it with the very resonance of doubt or “need”. If we only feel the “need” then that is

what we end up getting--- need. Maintaining a state of “need” or “lack” due to your view of a

situation, you inadvertently feed exactly that, instead of actually seeing the end result you are

after.

Many magicians know this, yet balancing the

nuances of knowing there is desire, with having a sense that your objective is attained already

(and you see reality as simply having to adjust and catch up to that state) is a big key to

successful magick and ritual.

I feel there should be a true desire and reason to do magick and ritual. These forces are real

and responds to people BEING real…. And let’s face it, we all want and need things. While pre-

emptive magickal maintenance may be good in practice as a rule, there is nothing wrong with

using magick out of pure “need”. I have found this to be the most potent time to do something,

when all else is put aside, and there is great need. Just remember to also deeply feel the thing

accomplished.

My mentor and friend S. Ben Qayin once told me that when doing magick, speaking and acting

from the heart was important, particularly when evoking. Though I would not be evoking a

separate entity this night, the lesson is one I indeed took to heart, as the entire experience was

one OF heart. It required me to pull forth from the deepest parts of my being, my most

authentic heart and self.

As people we define ourselves by many

things. This journey required I leave it all behind, and simply “BE”. This work left no

room for doubt, fear or mistakes. There was one chance and a narrow margin in which to act.

Every second it felt like she was slipping further away, deeper into the Void.

I suddenly had a knowing: There was not a

force that could stop me. I AM UNLIMITED POWER. I then found myself, at the Gate of

Death, ready to dive in head first….

At that moment I knew what I had to do, so

surrounded by smoke, fire and blood, I Fell forward…

Crucible of Will:

Focus and Sacrifice

“When your army has crossed the border, you should burn your boats and bridges, in order to make it clear to everybody that you have no hankering after home.”

~Sun Tzu

In the days preceding this incident, I was

reading through Harab Serapel by S. Ben Qayin. He is a friend and mentor; a Brother in the truest

sense. As someone whom I dearly trust, I confide much with him, and he has helped me in

my own path in ways he may never know. He observed things in my life that was strongly

reflected in the themes of that book and remarked that it may behoove me to consider the

information therein at this point in my journey.

It is also interesting to note that in working

with him, he has stated on a few occasions that he sensed a big turning point for me, a crossroads

of sorts, and that it was coming. Would I be ready when it hit? His premonition was

accurate, as it was also related to me being able to do what I needed to do to step into my Path

more fully.

For those who haven’t read it, you should –if

you can find it-- It is an excellent book, and helps one focus their Will sharply and burn

away the dross.

In this same timeframe, I had been introspective with these forces within, and

riding a wave of power I had yet to fully realize the magnitude and scale of. A few hours before I

got the call from Oregon, Qayin and I were in one of our weekly Skype chats, and he had said

that “now is the time to do ritual” … in that I was in my flow so strongly and could apply it

successfully to anything I focused on. Neither of

us knew how prophetic that would prove to be later in

the day….

Qayin helped me honestly assess things in

my life and things holding me back. He held up a mirror of candor. He is someone I trust to give

me honest feedback. He was always diplomatic and kind yet withheld nothing when it came to

calling me out on my excuses and perceived limitations.

Before this day, I had been making several big decisions that would affect my life in varying

degrees. In some ways, there were things still holding me back from stepping more into

myself. One of these things was the fact I still had attachments to a few people and patterns I

needed to cut anchor with.

What I was learning now was to channel my

Will into defining what I truly wanted in life, and doing whatever necessary to get there,

regardless of cost. Everything in my life not somehow supportive of my goals had to be cut

out. Some permanently, some temporarily in order to focus and hone a razor-sharp edge to cut

to the heart of reality and achieve my goals and purpose.

This was often a painful process. It cost me

everything in some fashion. Family, friends, money, job, love, relationships…. Nothing was

unaffected. I have regained all of these things. My needs are met and I can support myself, yet

it required me jumping into an ocean of chaos to do it, and it taught me to be a strong damn

swimmer.

Azazel had approached me several months back, when I was broken and feeling very alone

and seeking guidance, and he posed a question:

“Are you willing to give up that what you love the

most, to gain that which you most desire?” I had a

sinking feeling in my stomach when he asked it, yet I had to answer: “Yes.” And it was done.

Soon after, I realized the “thing” I loved at

the most at the time was an ideal of a person who did not exist. I was in love with the higher

self of someone, yet that part of him was not manifesting in the way I saw on deeper levels. I

sacrificed so much to be with him and maintain a friendship, yet I was in love with an illusion of

my own creation, and also a part of him that he didn’t truly live from in this reality.

THAT was the cost, the price I had to pay to

move forward. Letting go of that attachment and expectation, and just accepting what was,

and where I wanted to go. The relationship fell apart, the friendship afterward was strained for

some time. In the end, that friendship ended completely the following year. I knew the

standards I set for myself, and I was tired of making excuses for his crappy behavior and

betrayals, not just of me, but other close friends we had in common.

Due to this friendship, I gained a larger

family. I lost him and gained people who desire

companionship and authenticity. The cost was worth it.

As a result, I have gained deeper friendships with people who are willing to have my back in

all ways, who I would gladly fight by their side and bleed with if necessary. This was a painful

yet necessary sacrifice I willingly made. I mourned it for some time. My deepest desire at

the time was to find my way along my own path, and step into more intense levels of

realized personal Power and Potential. I also wanted kinship with those who would embrace

me as family, --as I was, in all my Lightness, Darkness and uniqueness without hesitation or

reservation.

I was working with a few spirits more closely, and was grateful for their guidance, yet it is also

nice to have people in your life on which you can depend and trust. Qayin was there to help me

through so much and give me much needed objectivity and clarity.

He reminded me of some key points, in that I

truly had to look forward and not back. It is just good common sense, but I think he knew how

this had impacted me. He held my hand along the way, but also put his gothic army boot to my

ass when I needed to snap out of it and march forward.

After I was willing to find my own way completely unattached to a person who I had to

release in peace, I found much more freedom. I saw how my own Will had gotten lazy in some

regards, in that I was at times relying on others to motivate my creativity.

If I would have remained attached to that

situation, then my success would have always been defined in light of the other person. This

was a hard lesson to learn, this willingness to do it all alone. But in the end, I found others doing

their own work, motivated by their own passions and desires, and we could ultimately support

each other authentically instead of in a codependent unhealthy way.

I was then able to see a greater picture, and

appreciate what they contribute, and know with utter certainty that I would focus on my own

projects without them. I could wish them well on their journey and be genuinely happy for

them, and happier that I am unbeholden to anyone.

When we think “sacrifice”, we generally think of an offering of some sort, or something

we deny ourselves. For this journey, I had sacrificed my illusions of people, and I sacrificed

stability in order to learn to ride, navigate and then steer chaos effectively.

During the ritual for my friend, I sacrificed my blood, as it is precious to me, intimately tied

to my life force. I had to offer life in reverence of death, yet I was unwilling to entirely sacrifice

my own life and health in the process, nor was I going to sacrifice any other life.

While I am not opposed to ritual animal

sacrifice, if done humanely and with minimal waste, I recognize myself as “God”, so what is

more potent than the blood of a god? I say this half tongue-in-cheek, yet there is truth to it. I

believe we are all “gods” in training, in becoming, and in remembering. This was a

special occasion, and what I intended to do merited it. My blood is precious to me, and as

such; is a worthy gift and offering.

Blood can be useful as a gateway and base for spiritual work, entities seem to be drawn to the

subtle vapors and essence and energy it gives off; using it as a gateway and base from which to

form during evocation, along with incense. This time I wasn’t evoking other spirits, but rather, I

was using my own power and will.

It was a mark of respect, sacrifice and willingness to do whatever it took to succeed.

So, blood it was… more than I offer most entities, for this was not an “entity” in the sense

I understand it, but the Gate of the Abyss. The blood was a Key, a focus, a gateway in

itself….and within my own blood was kindled Fire.

As I opened a vein with my freshly sharpened dagger, of course the physical pain hit me,

assailed me, and was itself a sacrifice. I drew the knife lengthwise from wrist to inner elbow, a

symbolic death stroke, knowing this was the riskier way to cut if not done correctly, yet I was

not trying to be too reckless. I trusted I knew my limits, though immediately thought “oh shit

did I go too deep!?” Fortunately, only the edge towards my wrist actually punctured skin, but

for several days afterwards, I had a stark, painful and red reminder along my entire arm that I

could have easily gone too far; sacrificed more than I could spare.

I dropped blood upon the hot coal with

incense and into a candle. I looked over at my partner. The twitch of her eye; the tension in

her brow, and tight-set lips told me it was all she could do to not snatch the blade from my hand.

After the fact, I meditated on the nature of blood, and realize it represents all the traditional

elements of Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit. WE are walking gateways, Nexions of Power.

We are all we need. We externalize various concepts to bypass the conscious mind, yet all

are props and tools a magician uses to do what they have in them all along.

This is known and apparent to most who study and practice magick, but there is

something powerful inherent in ritual. Perhaps it is the years of intent surrounding it; perhaps it

is a universal understanding in the greater reality. In any case, it works for me. It can

work for anyone who believes in themselves enough to trust their own intuition and

understanding.

In addition to blood, I sacrificed emotion. I poured all my fear, anger, anguish, doubt, worry

and despair into the Abyss. After I crossed the threshold and entered in, I was bleeding raw

emotion. Like the clothes earlier, I had to shed and purge what I was feeling into this rite until I

was empty and exhausted. Much like a lover exploding in ecstasy, this was the unpleasant

twin of that. The dam burst in my being. The strong control I maintain on the deeper darker

things within me came issuing forth from my core. It cut my spirit as I had cut my flesh. I

cried until I had nothing left.

I am no stranger to strong emotion, and deal

with my own and other’s as well, being sensitive as well as observant. All of it had to go. I often

push them down because of the intensity at times, but this required utter nakedness and

honesty. When all the tears had been released, and the racking sobs subsided, I was left with a

perfect calm and clarity, in which I could better function and see what needed to be done.

Another side effect of this work was

sacrificing my giving a shit about other people’s expectations of me. That was a harder lesson.

In the weeks prior, I was still struggling with

trying to balance meeting the needs and wants of others, to the detriment of myself. I had to

ruthlessly put myself first and focus on my magickal goals above all else. I was already in

this state of mind when this incident occurred, and I believe it enabled me to effectively remove

distraction regardless of cost. THAT is what it took to do what I did, to let go of everything and

follow my path regardless of what anyone else thought or did.

People in my life were challenged by this fact, in that I would not fit into their norms and

standards of social conduct. Knowing this made me a pariah and outcast, I embraced it, because I

knew what I was signing up for. It was still hard at times holding boundaries when others tried to

sway me, particularly those I cared about. This situation was one example of the need for

sacrifice, yet I have made many on my journey. I still grieve things and people I have lost;

however, I stop for no one.

I also choose to be a public figure and

sorcerer, so when people find out that fact, either by me disclosing it or them doing their own

research, they either shun me or embrace me.

I would rather know where people stand, and let them know where I stand, than pretend or

hide from my authenticity. I also require and deliberately create a space in which people can be

truly real. I have little time or tolerance for those who won’t be direct. This sometimes

results in people pulling away, and that’s also ok. Not everyone is ready for deeper levels of

knowing and connection. --But it still is Sacrifice. Authenticity has a price.

I believe there is much I can learn from

others, and never want to get stagnant. There

very well may be books written on tapping into the Abyss, and I simply have not had the

pleasure of reading them yet. In any case, I figure I can pick up what I need to know when I

come across it, yet can also wield this power in stunning ways. The context and deeper

understandings may come later, but nonetheless, what we did absolutely worked brilliantly.

One of the harder sacrifices was one of focus, of being able to sharpen my Will to such a

degree that there was no room at all for doubt. To do this I had to face my deepest fears of

abandonment, abuse, death and losing loved ones. All of these themes came into play leading

up to this moment, and during the process itself.

There were times in my younger life when I had feelings of inadequacy, alienation from

others, worthlessness, feeling unlovable and not worthy of love. I had survived various abuses as

a child, --from babysitters; occasional physical, verbal and emotional abuse from my father, and

many harsh traumas as a teen. My sense of self had been heinously violated starting from the

age of three, and it was hanging on by a thread for years.

I was socially awkward as a kid, and because

of all that had happened to me, I felt very

different from others. I knew I wasn’t like other kids. I was self-aware before the bad stuff

occurred, but it made it hard to relate to others my age. I was told in junior-high school I was

too ugly to live, and getting bullied often further eroded my self-esteem. There were more times

than I can count, in which I wanted to die. --Or at least find a way to make the inner pain lessen

or stop.

I eventually learned to hold my ground

against all of that and push back, effectively standing up for and defending myself physically

and mentally. I purged myself of the lies about myself I had been told and naively believed for

years.

I was able to navigate the trials of my teenage years and early adulthood; survived and learned

to thrive. Even though I have dealt with all those issues over time, it left a mark. I still

sometimes flinch when a hand is raised near my face when someone is yelling or walking toward

me in an aggressive manner. --Even without the context of abuse. A flinch may cross my eyes

for a brief second, and yet I have developed the skills to know a true threat from hubris and

respond accordingly.

Studying various martial arts has given me the drive to always rise up after taking a hit, be it

physical or emotional. In this sense, I sacrificed being a “reactionary” creature, to one who

“responds”. It taught me boundaries, discipline, and courage. Through it I better developed a

backbone, and warrior spirit.

I still have many a night where I feel very

much alone, because I would rather BE alone, than tolerate poor behavior, emotional vacancy,

or otherwise intimately align myself with someone who isn’t willing to connect with me

on deeper levels. I love and respect myself too much for settling for less than what I desire and

deserve. This also applies to platonic friendships. I can forgive and work through

most things yet am not someone to be taken advantage of or for granted.

We are a product of everything in our lives, it

seems, and it took me a long damn time to climb out of judgments, boxes and norms others had

created for me. It took me longer to define myself BY myself, and walk comfortably and

confidently IN myself, while being amidst other people.

Though I was impacted by all these things in

different ways, I am not defined by them. Each

was a lesson in its own hard manner. Pieces of my childhood were sacrificed for me, and yet out

of it I have deeper compassion and can intuitively recognize others who have been

though similar traumas. My sense of self was often warped and shattered early on by others.

Regardless, I learned and chose to rebuild stronger. Now I can break myself down when

needed in order to push much further and breakthrough limits, getting more resilient and

strong every fucking time.

I walk down memory lane to illustrate the

theme of loss and sacrifice, whether willing or not. The point is to learn from your own and

recognize how to use them. All of my baggage had to go. I had dealt with a lot, but that night

going into the Abyss, so much came flooding back. It’s funny how things do that, at the most

unexpected and often inconvenient times. It doesn’t matter how much counseling or purging

of pain one has done, something happens and we face it every time we choose to be fully present

with ourselves, naked and unhindered by expectation.

I went into the Abyss to save a friend, and

part of me died there. In the same instant, I was reborn into the being I always was and am.

Beholding my own strength and power has healed me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

Something shifted, and I stepped into my own.

Talking about personal issues is also my

sacrifice, because it is something I don’t do often with people I do not know. And even those I do

know, I rarely speak of the majority of it. Some may find common ground, for many of us out

here have been through much. Sometimes it’s nice to know you aren’t alone, and there are

those who may understand parts of yourself you keep hidden. The only way to do that is a

willingness to come forward at times. Others may be put off by my sharing such personal

things. Exposed pain isn’t something one brings out to seek sympathy and pity, but rather, a way

to say “Hey, I see you…. I feel you… I know…. I’ve

been there too….” Take it or leave it as you will.

To be clear, I used my own Power, my own

Will to do this work, yet the Abyss has an energy and Power unique to it. Each person can

learn to tap it if they choose, and gain stunning results in their own life. It’s difficult to fully

explain everything that happened that night and over the following days, but I hope by sharing

my views and mindset during the events

unfolding, others may see the structure and magick reveal itself.

By far the most significant thing sacrificed was self-doubt. When one is aware of their

power and potential, there is no more room for doubt. After all I have done and seen, I know

well the value of focusing my will unhindered by doubt. When I do ritual, I get results. Some

results are outwardly more spectacular than others, but they are there nonetheless. I no

longer seek external validation, though people often come to me bearing such, if I have done

work for them. It’s nice to hear and know that one’s work is appreciated and gaining the desired

outcome.

Success begets success, and when you recognize what you have done, can do and will do,

it creates a momentum of its own…one that you can use to push forward when faced with

seemingly impossible tasks. This is NOT the same as “resting on one’s laurels….”, where you

gloat on past victories won and never go further…. no…. this is entirely different, in that

you acknowledge that you moved heaven, hell and earth to gain your goal, and nothing can stop

you rearranging reality. You are a force to be reckoned with, and as such, you have no need to

boast, but rather, celebrate a job well done. It is a solid surety that you have what it takes,

whatever the odds, if your True Will is involved.

Unflinching Loyalty:

What it Takes

“A warrior is never under siege. To be under siege implies that one has personal possessions that could be blockaded.

A warrior has nothing in the world except his impeccability, and impeccability

cannot be threatened.” ~Carlos Castaneda

What is it that tethers us to our lives here? Is

it the memories, feelings and bonds of friendship? Is it etheric energy or auric

emanations interplaying with others? However the mechanics of it work, I knew my friend was

close to being lost to our realm for this lifetime.

I had no definite plan as to what this ritual would entail until I was intuitively doing it.

J.W., my partner and friend for this journey was an anchor. She knew that I would need to travel

deep into the Abyss and wanted to make sure I pulled myself out ok. If not, she was there to

slap me if needed until I was back as well.

We all have friends that we trust with different aspects of ourselves. Some are more

intimate that others. This friend saw me naked in every sense and didn’t bat an eye. As

magickal practitioners we had been in different groups where clothing was optional for ritual. I

normally practice clothed for practicality, yet for this, I had to be nude. The symbolism here was

important, as was the process I undertook. I didn’t want to rush it, but there was a sense of

urgency due to the seriousness of the situation.

As I sat upon the floor centering myself for

the work at hand, she gently placed a hand upon my shoulder. She stood with one foot inside the

triangle, and one outside. She was an effective bridge and anchor; could ride that fence and see

both worlds simultaneously. I trusted her at my back and was ready to go. I also felt deep

gratitude that she was willing to try this and see what happened. She didn’t even know my

friend, but knew she meant a lot to me and for her that was reason enough.

The other thing we must be loyal to is

ourselves. We as magicians owe it to ourselves to follow whatever path we resonate with. We

can carve our own path where none exists and inspire others to do the same. While we can

support others, we must also attend to our own needs. This is good self-care, but often gets

overlooked until we exhaust ourselves and resources.

Part of focusing my Will and sacrificing that which did not serve me, and offering by best, my

blood and my energies, involves always looking at a larger picture, always looking ahead to

what’s next. Live in the moment, yes, don’t dilute it by living in the past or future. But

never lose sight of your ultimate goals and GO for them. Don’t wait, don’t hesitate. Loyalty to

Self means doing whatever it takes to follow your dreams and potential, and to step into your

own Power. Own it, Be it. Live it.

For this you must be willing to step away from anything that doesn’t serve this greater

purpose, particularly if it has become a hindrance or crutch. This may also challenge your very

identity; who you THINK you are…. You must be ready to let yourself be broken down by your

own hand as well as the forces you align with, in order to rebuild your life and sense of self.

Many people grieve at the steep cost, yet pushing onward you will discover deeper meaning, new

opportunities and stronger allies than if you had remained in the rubble trying to make sense of or

cling to what was lost. You will give up much yet gain more than you can imagine.

For me this entailed being utterly loyal to myself, my dreams, my needs and to my deepest

core. This transcended time, space, social contracts and expectation. I knew this would

not be an easy road; I accepted that fact when I began walking it. There are constantly people

and even previously my inner voice when I had doubt telling me “no”, “that’s impossible”, “you

don’t have what it takes”, “that isn’t how it’s done”, and a barrage of other things…and to all

of them, I say:

“Watch”. --Because I am doing it anyway.

While I do appreciate support and strength of

people on my side, I know at the end of the day I have me. When all is said and done, I alone am

responsible for my magick, my life and what I

do. There are no scapegoats or safety-nets.

When I step into the Void, all that exists is Me. It is that loyalty to self that has allowed me to go

far.

There are times, like this one, where I had a friend for the journey, which was precious and

priceless, and for that I am grateful. I was

absolutely willing to go alone, yet she was right there with me, no questions asked. The journey

changed us both immeasurably; we each returned to this realm as something more.

Descent:

No Permission

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our

deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure….

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is

nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people

won't feel insecure around you…. And as we let our own

light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission

to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our

presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marriam Williamson

As we were jumping in to this project, it was

noted mentally that in many traditional magick systems, one would “seek permission” to enter

the Abyss or Gates of Death or the Underworld. It never dawned on us to “ask”. We simply

DID. There was a spirit of reverence and seriousness about us, and we absolutely were

willing to find a way in, or create our own way. When you realize your Power, you need NO

permission from anything to follow your own path and intuition. While it may be nice to have

spiritual allies, when you see yourself as a force to be reckoned with, you realize you have a right

to be there and change the collective reality, as much as anyone else who cares to learn it for

themselves. We didn’t ask, because we were not willing to accept any answer but YES. It was

about knowing what we wanted to do, and then doing it.

As I sat in stillness, I breathed in deeply. Surrounded by need, intent, will, smoke, fire and

blood, I fell forward. My partner felt me go. I was freefalling into a black desert of silence and

emptiness. An ocean of vast space where nothing exists yet anything is possible.

Everything just stopped at that moment. At

some point I myself stopped breathing for a few minutes, because I felt J.W. squeeze my shoulder

more sharply and remind me to “breathe”. I could hear her voice, but it sounded so far away.

Why is breathing important? --Oh yeah---and then I took one…. And felt myself condense

more strongly. I remembered having a body, but at that moment all I knew was Darkness.

I fell further and felt layers of reality peeling

away. Thoughts vanished, and the things of this world faded. It was peaceful, comforting in

some regards, yet surreal and a sense of danger

on the other hand. I lost myself for a few moments, unencumbered by anything human. I

was a point of consciousness floating and falling through an endless cavern of shadow.

Eventually even that was gone until nothing remained of empty space and time, and there

was just me. I came-to in the Abyss. When I had that realization, I naturally reached out to

see if anything was down here with me. I felt my partner faintly, and knew she was keeping

watch.

I just remembered thinking “I can do this, I am able to do this, I AM DOING this…”. As I

sank further down, I became aware of a focused attention directed at me---a probing question, a

curiosity, an amused sense of wonder. There was a feel of waiting and watching every part of

this journey, and the Collective unconsciousness both accepted and rejected our presence there. I

felt unseen eyes upon me and would catch fleeting glances from the periphery. I was in

their realm, and they wanted to know why.

“Who are you, seeker, who found a crack in the

wall; who slid between layers into this place of

desolation and utter unknowing?”

I could hear their voices and thoughts pressing against my mind, like bees, poised to

sting if I made a wrong move. There was a rustling of wings, a rush of wind, a movement in

the air around me. I felt them brush by, sinuously wrapping themselves around me like

soft leather. And then their impressions hit me like the crack of a whip on already sensitized

skin. There was a collective holding of breath as they scrutinized me and J.W.

I intrinsically knew this was simply distraction. --From my mind, perhaps the notion

of what one would imagine or expect to encounter when entering into a forbidden realm.

It had a feeling of mental genesis as well as outward thoughts intruding in, trying to make

me question my own validity or right to be here. Whatever the source, I allowed it to pass

through my mind before setting them aside.

Many people who have studied any form of meditation may have experienced the frustration

of trying to “have no thoughts”; to empty one’s mind. The very process of “trying” is in itself a

trap and distraction. In order to go deeper, I had to simply let go, and hold no judgement of what

went through my mind. I simply acknowledged it and went on my way.

I knew better than to engage in lengthy conversation, as that would prove to be futile, in

that my energies would be better spent on the task at hand, rather than on explaining myself to

entities or thoughtforms I came across. It would also risk wasting time my friend didn’t have.

I was being followed, and mentally put out the message “if you are not here to help me, stand

aside, for I am doing this regardless. If you get in my

way I will end you…” No one tried to stop me, yet there was a sensation, a shift; a wave of

something larger approaching.

“It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of

mankind, that some of earth's dark, dead corners and

unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities

wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving

nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to

newer and wider conquests.” ~H. P. Lovecraft

If you’ve ever swam out in open water in the

ocean or a large lake, you know when something is in there with you…. When it draws near there

is a displacement that occurs. When it comes up from directly below you it can induce terror.

That is what this was like. Nonetheless, I kept

moving forward and waited for whatever it was to make itself known, or to pass me by.

This was a good exercise in emotional control, as one thing J.W. had said when

consulting with her spiritual allies was “no bleeding, don’t bleed out”. She didn’t just mean

literal blood, though she knew I had chosen to bleed for the ritual… what she truly had heard

from her own allies and conveyed to me was that she was not to bleed out, and to let me bleed out,

but not all at once, as there would be more stages of this process. While this information seemed

vague and sinister, it was truthful and from an ally with which she is closely aligned. Upon

considering this advice, we realized the intent was akin to:

“Don’t spend it all at the beginning as you shall

need your strength in upcoming days.” Good advice

indeed.

It wasn’t a matter of permission, but of strong

Will. This trait depends on no one but yourself. Since we were not considering other options but success, there was no point in “seeking”

permission. We simply created and opened our own door and went in.

People get so caught up in formalities. They create and abide by rules for everything. There

are books on how to “do” certain types of magick, and how to conduct oneself in particular

instances…. but we were unconcerned with any of it. How does one “prepare” for what we were

doing? How do you politely storm the gates of the Underworld or Abyss and say “we’re here”?

You don’t. You just DO it.

Asking permission denotes there is someone

higher than you from which to seek that permission, instead of deciding for yourself what

must be done. As stated earlier, we were not in a mood to accept or declare any answer but “YES”,

so it was pointless to “ask”. Instead, we went in, stated our intention, then went about doing it.

The feeling was more “hey we’re here, if you are

here to help us, cool, if not, stand aside or I will go

through you…”

The only kind of “permission” needed and

granted was my own. I had to give myself

permission to do whatever I needed to do to save my friend. I allowed myself to be utterly

ruthless, exacting, powerful and relentless.

When my clothes hit the floor and I

descended into the water, I released any vestige of social control or limiting notion of what is

possible. When I crossed the threshold of smoke and fire, I permitted myself to listen without

judgement my own free flow of pure consciousness and burning Will.

And finally, after stirring and distilling my genetic memories and spirit within my blood, I

released attachment to any definition of myself except for what I give. And at that moment, I

knew I was a Dark God/Goddess. With that knowledge and surety, a threshold of blood and

spirit was kindled and opened.

Permission to be great: That is the Key. All too often society tells us to be humble; to not

make waves and follow constructed rules the popular majority agrees upon. If we dare dream

big we are told it is unrealistic. Well, fuck all of

that. Follow the rules that suit you. Make your

own. There may indeed be legal and social consequences for doing so if it rocks the boat

enough, but when it comes to your core beliefs about yourself, it behooves to go big or go home.

Silent Void:

Becoming Darkness

“A red rose absorbs all colors but red; red is therefore the one color that it is not.” ~Aleister Crowley

As I traversed this realm, I had a sudden

knowing. There was part of me that was indeed an outsider coming in; a dissonance to the flow

of the collective reality stream of the moment. To remedy that and send a strong message, I

understood that I had to Become Darkness. When playing in the fabric of reality all things

are possible.

I felt the Darkness pressing in, seeping into me. I also knew with absolute certainty that

once I emerged from this place of shadow and black fire, I would forever bear its mark. To use

this to my advantage, I pulled it around me like a cloak, a second skin. When I looked down at

myself, all I saw was inky blackness and stars. I breathed it in, allowing it to fill me. Swallowing

Darkness infused me with its essence, and it merged with mine.

At that moment, I was Queen of the Underworld, in MY domain. I felt creatures

recoil and take a step back. They respected my decision and then recognized I had claimed my

own Throne. Around me, I could feel J.W. dancing with Darkness, a badass Goddess

reveling in rivers of Death and her own Dark Descent. I saw her swimming among things

lurking in the waters below. She was a predator, and the things that initially came to inquire

about our presence became the prey.

I emptied myself of all emotion, so as to not create a reality I did not want, particularly a less

than favorable outcome for my friend. I saw myself in the Abyss, and the Abyss saw itself in

me. I then knew my Will would supersede any other reality already in place regarding this

situation. It was with that surety I boldly walked forward as Personified Midnight.

In Darkness and Silence, you find yourself. Many

roads were walked in a quest for salvation, yet the

only thing that can save yourself is you. The twilight

realms and spaces in between beckon deeper

exploration. To touch Darkness is to carry it within.

A position of Power, this Void, a place of possibility

and oblivion, utter annihilation and rebirth awaits

your True Will.

I am still discovering the magnitude of what we did. I knew we opened a door to a spiritual

place, but we also opened doors within ourselves. I have always had a sense of the “other”, of

death, loss, darkness and things unseen. Now as I walk through the world, it stands out in

sharper contrast. It is there, just under the surface of the veneer of this world…waiting

breathlessly.

When you kiss darkness, it kisses you back. You

are always entwined in an embrace of power and

knowing… of delight and things that are taboo. When

you take upon yourself the mantle of darkness you are

forever separate from humanity. You may walk,

converse and live among them; sharing joy and

sorrow. Yet there is always part of you longing to go

back and touch the Void; merge into shadow and the

Song of the Nightside.

You may see and feel all things around you yet

remain keenly aware of what lurks beneath and

beyond our physical realm. --The things too unseemly

to speak of in ‘polite society’; the things forbidden to

embrace as it represents claiming self-godhood, and

therefore disrupting people’s notion of reality. It

makes you independent and therefore unpredictable

and uncontrolled by any but yourself.

Those who would find solace in moonlight, who

count the hours until midnight and 3 am; who delights

in hedonistic indulgence of the senses…. who see that

which is hidden to most…. You know what it is to

touch and be touched by the Abyss, by the Eternal.

You are constrained by no such mortal limits. You

seek the Darkness as much as the Darkness seeks you.

It is a soul-cry, a destiny, a way of living and being.

Experiencing things in this manner has allowed me to also know personal renewal.

When confronting things in myself and others, I see that which must die or change in order for a

person to flourish.

This door within myself and the Abyss is one that is always open to the other. I may

sometimes mute the constant flow as needed to

be fully present and functioning in this world,

yet it is always there, permeating all I do. When I need to heal, ponder or meditate, I dive back in

and let the Darkness take me, as a lover, as a place of refuge.

It is here that iron, spirit, darkness and black fire merge and form within the spirit of man a

place of power and magnificence; from which may immerge a dark god forged from the

template of self-awareness and determination.

From this place of macro and microcosm, I

plot and plan my next strategies, to rise again anew and continue moving forward. It is also

where I bring things to work on; and at other times, the place I take things to be annihilated,

forever locked in outer darkness, apart from the world.

In some of my work, I do indeed have

physical representations of the Abyss, as well as tools I have tied to the Void for baneful magick

as well as beneficial things. The Abyss, like some of these tools are where things go to die, to

be contained, to be transformed. Unlike those things though, I pass freely between these

realms, as I have become darkness.

Becoming Darkness is to embrace all that you are. It is to comprehend the things that underlie

cause and meaning. Bringing forth these deeper parts and integrating them consciously into your

being creates a richer tapestry of self and experience.

Within the Abyss is a Kingdom of Thrones, where those who claim them reside. Each one

stands alone; some, awash with an eerie dark light from within. I perceived each residing

upon a dais; each raised platform opened up to a raised area with thirteen steps leading up to each

one. There is something forlorn about them, for what is a throne without a monarch? Without a

person of regal character to grace it, they are simply fancy chairs in ebony towers.

Many remain empty, waiting for humanity to descend into the core of the Void, to walk among

the furnishings of splendor and strength. The empty ones are dark, for they have not been

acknowledged or accessed by their rightful rulers. Once you claim your Throne, you are

equipped to ascend into what is rightfully yours.

When you merge with the darkness and realize your sovereignty, an ever-burning black

flame ignites before the throne, in acknowledgement and tribute to your legacy.

The fire connects you to this realm, as it is kindled with your blood, spirit and Will.

When you listen to the Abyss, what was once

a cacophony of “sound” interjected with silence, is now a litany, spoken in dialects of infernal and

divine speech, and the tones of mankind. The Halls are filled with countless whispers of those

who came before you and will ring with all the

voices yet to come, as they are calling…to those who can hear….

The Song of the Nightside is heard when the

clatter of the day has ceased, and you listen to

dulcimer tones upon the wind and within your heart.

When the soul screams out and echoes against your

expectation, broken dreams and disappointments, it is

returned a thousand-fold. When it finds you again,

after it destroys all that you think you are, it cherishes

and coaxes hope, but only after you pick up shards of

despair and slit the golden veins of hidden truth and

meaning, which are nestled amongst the arms of

illusion.

This glimmer then trickles out to water seeds of

agony, turmoil and dreams-made-new, which then

take root in secret dark places where only soul-blood

can reach. As it goes deeper, the agony and chaos

lessen, and what is left is promise, being incubated in

the dark well of soul-decree. It is here that it must be

carefully nurtured and tended; protected from forces

that would attempt to rip it from your being.

As it shoots upwards, through layers of perception,

belief, and increasing confidence, it bursts forth

through the granite rock of constraint upon the surface

of the world. Its momentum and branches ascend into

distant stars and higher understanding; in realms

perfumed by the fragrance of joy found only in being

fully committed to one’s self, one’s royalty, and one’s

dark godhood.

Finding Resonance:

Guts and Glory

“For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart, and the only

worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length--and there I travel looking, looking breathlessly.”

~Carlos Castaneda

I went into this venture with the mentality of

success. When no other option is permitted in my essence, triumph prevails. The first thing I

had to truly distinguish and assert was myself.

By realizing more fully my true nature, my

highest potentials emerged and engaged. Some may see this as a higher self; a god-form.

When I first entered into the Abyss, I

connected more deeply with the core of my being. Stripped of social and self-judgements, I

experienced the joyous dark freedom of

unhindered ascent and power. I pulled that image of self-godhood towards me and merged;

feeling it penetrate me, and then expanding it exponentially, fractal in nature. All that I was,

am, and will be; united as one. In a single luminous moment, this was the totality of my

consciousness and existence.

In order to find my friend more directly, I

connected with her higher self, the feeling she had in my spirit that surpasses human

understanding. This vital essence transcends the masks we wear or the relationships we have to

others.

Soul recognizes soul, as heart to heart. Personal notions of social roles subside, until all

that is left is a higher truth and nature. Tapping into that would give me the best trajectory

towards attracting and repatterning the broken and hurt creature before me.

In this realm, sound was feeling and feeling

was sound. I could see the shapes of sound and understand the complex geometries of it in

3D/4D space and time. I put out etheric tendrils, feelers, seeking to find my dear and

longtime friend. Since we each have a unique frequency of resonance, a spiritual fingerprint, I

instinctively knew this was how to find and recognize her.

Sounds echoed, and direction was unfathomable. I had no point of reference, save

the feeling I had inside me of who my friend was. I used THAT to pluck the string, play a

cosmic symphony, until I heard and felt it vibrate back. This was her soul-song. It felt like

a giant spider web and harp that I had plucked, and felt the waves come back. Immediately

after, I felt entities following along the web, curiously coming to investigate.

I felt them sizing me up, calculating on if I

could be a meal, or if I was a denizen of the Deep. Even as a god, they kept testing and

trying to check for weakness and fear, for that is the only thing they could feed on at that point.

They assume most who come here harbor feelings of inadequacy; remnants of an unworthy

petition. I knew they would try to barrage me with doubt, as J.W. was also keenly aware.

Her warmth close at my back, reminded me

of her presence. She had a foot in both worlds, here and there. A natural bridge, and anchor.

She could have a sense of what was going on in the physical realm of consensual reality, as well

as the Abyss. At that time, I was fully

committed to the Void. I had no attachment to my body-vessel.

In this dark sea we were in, it was like swimming through a cave system underwater. It

activated primal evolutionary senses, in which one navigated by sonic hearing and sensing,

rather than eye-sight. It was both enclosed and vast. Terrifyingly deep and cold, yet also warm.

A study of contradictions.

There was no up or down, or any discernable “direction” as we understand on a compass, only

a sense of folding in on oneself, a toroidal structure

As I adjusted to this new energy body of

mine, the entities drawing closer surrounded me. It was as if they dared me to balk or doubt for an

instant myself and purpose, if I had, would prove a fatal error.

Knowing this instinctively, I stood there with

J.W., and in the spirit, we both smiled, flew the

entourage a “one finger salute” and continued swimming.

At last, I felt a response from my friend, and

she was in bad shape. Even in the place we found ourselves, she was fading. I can generally

see energy patterns on people, though I don’t

often see colors of auras like some…. Perhaps it is a skill I need to develop further. I saw her form,

but the energy was very weak and had a disjointed quality.

I was almost there. As I approached, a single entity blocked my path. His command-bearing

demanded attention and respect. I may have been able to strut right past other beings residing

here, but try as I might, I could not simply walk around this one. I felt frustration welling up

inside me, and I felt my partner’s hackles rise.

When I looked him full in the face and felt him. The weight of millennia came crashing

down upon me, and with it, his eyes burning like a thousand black suns. He bore into me, into my

being, and I, for a second, felt the finality of it. For a millisecond I felt insignificant to the force

of this being, in the grand scheme of things… and from a human perspective it may have been

not far off. As a reformed being seeing the bigger picture and higher truth, however, I knew

my eyes mirrored an equal, which this entity perceived.

There was no way around him or the feelings

induced. Some may put it off for a good long while, but sooner or later, it meets you wherever

you are, and demands in payment all that you are not.

I paused. --For it was not simply another spirit making itself known, it was a larger

challenge and test.

I was gazing upon the solemn and stoic countenance of Death.

No Bargaining:

Death Blinked First

"There is only one god, and His name is Death. And there

is only one thing we say to Death: 'not today'."

―Syrio Forel to Arya Stark [Game of Thrones]

So many things must have flashed across my face right then. Death stood patiently, waiting

for me to make the first move. As I plotted a strategy, I felt creatures pass by, mocking me.

J.W. was busy keeping them at bay, yet a few thoughts crept in urging me to abandon this

project.

I thought to myself, “I did NOT come this far

to fail!” All I knew was my friend was right in

front of me, and this guy was standing in my way. Feelings flooded my soul, and all I felt was

loss and pain. It was nearly overwhelming in intensity. Suddenly, the question arose: “What

are you willing to give to get her back?” It was posed as a question yet felt like a riddle. My

hopes alighted suddenly at the notion. --What

could I give? I had done everything I felt intuitively to do, and bled a goodly amount, as

evidenced by the dry crimson streaks rendered upon my arm. –And I felt there was indeed more

to do.

I thought and uttered aloud “more blood, it

needs more blood…” Inhabiting again briefly my body, I picked up my knife, and was intending

another cut…. when suddenly J.W. stopped me. She cradled me, and gently stroked my hair,

whispering “I’m so sorry hun, she’s gone…. there is nothing more you can do. You can’t bleed any

more. No more blood.”

J.W. said later that she truly thought the presence of Death meant that we were too late;

that my friend was too far gone to be salvaged. The spiritual state and mind-frame I was

currently in however, had other plans.

Me being the stubborn person I am, proceeded to attempt another slice. J.W. knowing and

anticipating me doing so, grabbed the blade by the hilt. There was a momentary struggle.

Unless I was willing to risk cutting her too, give her a tit-punch or bite her hand, which I admit

briefly crossed my mind, I had to stop. I felt annoyance, yet also knew she loved me and

didn’t want me to expend everything in my

attempts. –Or quite possibly literally bleed out. We both sat there crying. Our river of tears ran

as one. It all came flooding out. Agony poured forth and I bled pure Spirit.

Time stood still, and then I felt myself descend, unburdened by doubt or pain. All I had

left was a swift determination, and realization that I would succeed as I was going into this a

God.

I don’t know which entity posed the next question, as it seemingly came from everywhere

and nowhere, yet seemed to originate from his energy: “Would you be willing to give ten years of

your life so she could have ten years more?”

I carefully and seriously considered it---I did. As if J.W. could hear my thoughts and intent,

she said “don’t you fucking dare…”. She knew with absolute startling clarity there was part of

me that would have pondered doing so before that weekend. I wanted to blurt out “yes!” But I

withheld that answer, as I knew this was either a test or an emotional trap. The Abyss held up it’s dark mirror for me to face my unflinching

dedication to my own survival, even if it meant letting a precious life go.

Society instructs us to be self-sacrificing and teaches that the ultimate love is a willingness to

make sometimes detrimental accommodations and allowances for those we love, whether

friends, family or country. I struggled with this “need” to be a good person on some level, still

filtered it a little through mainstream expectations.

In that moment I embraced my rebellion, my fall from grace, my ruthless ability and

willingness to be self-serving. --And I am perfectly OK with that and have peace. I make

NO apologies for loving my life and wanting to preserve it at all cost. There is nothing glorious

about being a martyr to ideals that don’t truly value your humanity; your innate instinct and

need to survive.

At the end of the day I chose myself. I was ruthlessly honest in my need for self-

preservation. I would indeed help my friend, but not at the cost of lessening or weakening my

own life and time upon this interesting planet. I refuse to sacrifice part of myself on the altar of

blind social contracts designed to disempower and shame people.

This was bigger than my friend and her life. I

could not continue my path in its fullness if I

weakened myself by sacrificing years of my life, even to add a few to hers. –If the thing was even

logistically and objectively possible-- And besides, what guarantee did I have that they would be

good years? This is where most people get trapped into thinking they have to bargain.

Whether it is their subconscious, or an entity actually presenting an enticing offer, one does

not need a middle-man to navigate and overcome Death.

The illusion was in the options stated. This was never about my friend I realized, but about

me, my path, my work. My friend was the catalyst for this revelation. All of the hard

lessons I learned up ‘til now involved me being willing to do whatever it took to follow my own

path, even if it meant great loss, even a sister.

The offer was both enticing and repulsive, but it didn’t seem fair. The other illusion was

thinking it had to be in the first place. Though it could have been a solution some may choose to

consider if such a thing could indeed be done, I knew there had to be another way, and if there

wasn’t, I would create my own. It seemed too easy, this “offer”, a fool’s errand. It is also said

that no one can “cheat” death. Well, this wasn’t

about cheating Death, but rather, claiming sovereignty over Life and Death.

When you have King/Queenship Mentality, you

perceive things differently. You expect your Word

and Will be done, no less, no exceptions. It does not

require others to carry out your commands but is a

force you exude and carry from being aware of who

and what you are and walking in the world with that

knowledge. Doing so often inspires others, for it stirs

in them a longing, a memory long forgotten, of who

they truly are, and was buried in the fog of humanity

when we took this form.

Your purpose of further developing a royal

mentality is not defined by the often-elaborate

caricatures of rulership seen in palaces of human

pretense and government, as that is a laughable and

pale comparison. Rather, it is recognition of the noble

pursuits of ordering and determining your own life

and direction, and then choosing to take action.

The light-bearers; the Lucifers of the world

illuminate paths that free the human condition from

the fetters of religion, dogma and social constructs

that hold us back. This caliber of reality leads by

example and encourages others to take the torch lit

from the black flame within, to find their own fire and

burn. Purging the dross by fire can reveal and release

your true power and potential.

I looked at Him, then at my friend as I stood firm and issued forth my first royal decree:

“I who awakened to myself, who dwells within infinity, claim this human as Kin. She is my

friend, and this is also MY domain. I’m not leaving without her. My will is that she LIVE

and be the beautiful and precious creature and spirit she is upon the earth. I determine it is a

better place with her in it. Now, MOVE.”

I know not how long we stood there, each unwilling to flinch, step aside or back up. In the

end, I advanced forward…and then walked right through him as he dissipated in grey smoke, and

I kept going. I never looked back, for I didn’t need to. All that mattered was the present

moment and what awaited.

Death is wholly unmoved by our individual

wants and needs, yet on this level of awareness,

it was a matter of Will. Death is nothing if not

patient. As I left him behind me for the time, I could hear a faint chuckle, as he received my

parting words, spoken from lips graced with humor and triumphant pleasure declaring: We

will meet again, but…

“Not today.”

The Black Flame:

Breathing on Embers

“Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides

and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love,

and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man

will have discovered fire.” ~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Before I had time to consider my actions regarding Death, I focused on my friend, who

appeared laying there, floating and ensconced in Darkness. J.W. was getting insistent that we

needed to leave soon, that we had lingered long enough, and that there may not be much more

we could do.

I set that aside, and without doubt knew there was still life in her. All I needed to work with

was a spark. I promised J.W. I would “not bleed

anymore”, for my own sake. Satisfied, she

followed me down further, as there was still more work to do. She stood vigil, as I assessed

the situation before me. She also was intently

keeping things away that would not be conducive to this work, which freed me up to

focus exclusively on my friend.

In the earlier part of the day after I got the

phone call, we sent word out to others, asking for healing thoughts and intent. What we saw in

this realm was that manifesting as black flames above each person. They all burned bright, and

she gathered them, condensed, them, then directed them all towards my friend in a volley

of strength. I felt her push it all through me as well, and then I honed it like a laser, to wield as

a scalpel. Within each person resided another black flame, which was their core of Power and

Will.

Perhaps it’s the medic in me, but I was looking at her like a patient. I was assessing

airway, breathing, circulation, and then everything else after. In the spirit, she appeared

to be breathing faintly, and her lungs were full of what appeared as grey matter. This would prove

significant later. In medicine, if those components fail, then all will crash shortly after

without intervention. Her brain appeared to be mostly fine, but something was not connecting

and firing correctly.

I also noticed a faint glow coming from the tattered cords that seemed to be tethering her to

the physical world. What worried me was that they were damaged, and I thought they would

eventually snap, effectively cutting off her life.

In the same instant, me and J.W., without

words, began to blow upon my friend. We were breathing life into her being, fanning her inner

flame. We could see it trying to kindle and grow, it just needed a little breath. We both saw

it infuse her and spread, and I saw my friend take her first deep breath.

As we were doing this, we both began

chanting in unknown languages, each unique. My mind did not know what was uttered, yet

my spirit felt it.

Speak and breathe life, and then create a space for

possibility.

In my spirit and through my voice I spoke

and sang songs of remembrance, of connection, of realizing who you are. Timeless and ageless

these words came to me, and flowed upon a melody only my heart knows, the words a

language foreign to my lips and ears, yet

somehow familiar to my spirit. The essence is distilled unto this:

I was there when time began,

when resonance witnessed the first light emerge from

my inky blackness; I was there before. When

wakefulness and thought became self-aware,

exploding in a vast array of forms, stars and longings,

I beheld the spaces betwixt and between the notes. I

am the beat and the rest, the rhythm and the overtone

of song. When worlds collide and the last sun dies, I

am ever present.

I was there when time began,

when the first song was made, the first speech uttered.

I am the first breathe and the last gasp; the happiness

and despair. I am all you perceive and none; timeless

and formless; in the Void all things reside. Sunlight

and Shadow, known and unknown, ever-changing yet

still the same. To know me is to love me, yet those

who do can never keep me with a tight fist.

I was there when time began,

when order circled chaos and sundered structure from

the tumultuous, I was there. As you are, so shall you

do, and so shall you Be. Songs of life and death are

your composition. Sing them. I was there when time

began, and I knew you. Know yourself and know

ALL.

I was there when time began,

When echoes danced with oblivion; when oblivion

gave way to Violet-Black Flames. ---When the

flames consumed all, leaving nothing but dry bones in

dark valleys.

And in the valley grow two trees, where four rivers

converge and spring forth from the foundations of all

that is. It’s roots reaching the Abyss, to henceforth

bear dark fruit and Knowledge to those who choose

the Dark Tree. There is no going back.

I was there when time began.

As this meaning flowed through me, I was filled with the knowledge of a higher soul-

science. Memories long forgotten came flooding back, and in an instant, I had perfect clarity into

the structure and nature of matter, spirit and cosmic order. I was also keenly aware of the

anti-cosmic nature of the Abyss, and how it was indeed two sides of the same coin.

Like a black hole in the center, it pulled me in, along with my friend, it’s gravity devouring all

that crossed the event horizon. What I also

knew, was that in this center of swirling blackness and destruction was the heart of the

crucible; the place Azazel hinted at when I struck that fateful bargain.

It is only there that you discover the strength and power of which you are truly made.

Soul Surgery:

The Inner Chamber

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Being present in primordial chaos allowed me

to discover for myself what I was capable of. As I gazed upon my friend in this place of mystery,

I knew at that moment I was a Trauma Soul Surgeon. This was my area of expertise and

skill. –And as a doctor of old, in an operating theatre, surrounded by peers and people taking

notes, I felt all eyes upon me. What I did next

and in the following days would define me in

ways I am still coming to terms with and more deeply understanding.

What I looked at and brought forth first was

a spiritual template, the energy patterns of my friend. There were breaks and tears in her

existence and matrix. I could see spirit-matter leaking out, and DNA unravelling. I held firmly

the vision of her whole and healthy bodies superimposed upon the frame before me. I then

used my will, in the form of a scalpel, laser and cauterizing tool, and went to work wherever I

saw damage.

J.W. was watching my friend’s breathing and

heartbeat, while I rewove energy cords back into our collective reality. Where it was torn

completely, I seared the edges and bypassed dead and dying tissue and energy. I saw healthy flesh

appear, and we continued breathing life into her being.

I also thought that perhaps I needed to anchor

her to her sense of home; the things that give her joy, so I pictured cords unfurling from her

energy body in the Abyss, back to the physical hospital to her body, and then way beyond it to

her house, home, and people that love her. I could feel everyone at once, in their hearts, what

she meant to them, and what they meant to her. It was intimate and beautiful.

I mentioned before that in this place, sound,

feeling and shape were connected. This came into play here, as when I spoke words, they

emerged as 3/D structures geometrically. The

study of cymatics is helpful here, as in the physical realm we can see the shape of sound

using simple tools, such as sand over a thin membrane, near which is played a frequency,

that in turn causes the sand to shift into the pattern it resonates at. Beautiful art and

mandalas have also been created using similar techniques and ideas. I have been considering

sigils as well, and pondering their nature and form, and how it translates to light, sound,

language and 3/D shape.

As I was speaking/singing over my friend, I

saw complex geometric shapes appear and embed themselves into her energy field. I also saw

these shapes rewiring the circuitry within her brain and body.

It was vital to see her as she truly was, in

order to create new energy patterns. It is easy to get caught up in the emotions and seeming

“reality” of a situation, yet magickally I knew that the reality we were creating would indeed

supersede anything we had seen before. By resonating only with the success we wanted, I

was able to truly FEEL life, health and healing begin to take hold.

By bringing a version of her perfectly healthy

being and placing it within her current situation,

it was only a matter of time before physical reality shifted and caught up to the pattern

created in the Abyss. By tapping into my higher self, and also into that of my friend, I was able to

resonate in such a way that sent out the new pattern across realms. I knew without doubt

something would happen. I eagerly awaited results.

As I worked, I knew the rite was nearly done for this part of it. I knew there would be more to

do, but I just had to get her stable enough to link back to her own body in a coherent way. She

needed time, and I was not done. To buy more time, I created a womb within the Abyss, a

secret chamber…a place of refuge and healing. She would remain there, fully immersed, until

her energy increased enough to propel her out and back to our world.

I siphoned energy from the cosmos and the

abyss, fused them, and expanded them like a bubble, creating a little pocket of reality in which

my friend would reside and recover. I attached cords at her navel, heart and third eye areas, and

could feel energy spindling and cycling through her, in an endless loop. This was my own

version of “life support”.

Finally, it was done. I knew there was no more to be done that evening, and I needed to

rest before the next round. I realized fully in that moment, that things had to play out as they

did for me to learn these lessons…. in that claiming and walking in one’s power is

dependent on no one else but one’s self. If I had “asked permission” then it would have proven I

was not ready to experience new levels of strength and power within myself.

Instead, I have the pleasure of being recognized by entities within these realms as

someone who belongs there, may pass freely, and one who draws much strength from the endless

well that dwells in darkness and offers a drink of hard fought knowledge, wisdom, and practical

application for those willing to push themselves to their limits and beyond.

Victorious Ascent:

Doing the Impossible

“It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult

to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to

manage than a new system. For the initiator has the enmity

of all who would profit by the preservation of the old

institution and merely lukewarm defenders in those who

gain by the new ones”. ~Niccolo Machiavelli

At the same moment, J.W. and I knew when

it happened. We felt a shift, a “pop” of pressure, and felt something resonate from the Deep. It

was as if someone struck a giant gong, announcing an arrival. In the same sense, it was

also a departure. We also knew we needed to leave and return home. What we did was bold,

kind of reckless, and it was noticed. I have done many things that attracted the attention of

various entities, but this was somehow different. On one hand I felt like I had a beacon over my

head, and also a mark of respect….and yet in some cases, it felt like a big goddamn target on

my back.

With one last glance, I bid my friend goodnight, knowing in my heart I would see her

again in the flesh. As we rose through layers of reality, I felt a lightness settle in. I felt drained,

for the day had been emotional grueling. We both came-to at the same time, sat there for a

few minutes to let reality adjust, and we just looked at each-other, with a knowing…. knowing

we had just experienced the same-yet-different journey and done something amazing.

Silently we cleaned up the ritual space in my bedroom and tried to wrap our minds about what

had just happened. We both had looks of bewilderment, gnosis and contentment. We

knew things would be ok. And more importantly, we had changed and evolved. We

both learned a lot about ourselves and each other. Though we practice different things and work

with different entities, to have this intense shared experience marked us both, for it was a

turning point, one somewhat difficult to fathom.

Later that night I dreamt of the Abyss. I saw my friend there again, laying in a hospital bed.

In many ways it mirrored what was happening on the physical. In the dream she was fading

even there, yet I spoke to her there and explained

the situation. Even so, in a moment of panic I awoke, and immediately felt for her in the Spirit.

My fear was misplaced, as I realized she was only fading there and becoming more solid here.

I went back to sleep with a smile on my face, for I knew what we did worked.

The next day I got a phone call from her roommate in Oregon. She stated that late at

night, my friend started spontaneously breathing on her own, unassisted, though she was still

intubated. Her body was able to draw breath on its own, yet they kept her on the ventilator just in

case. This was big, because the doctors had previously stated they didn’t think she could

come off of life support.

Further in the day, as I checked in again, they told me she had started to wake up, but due to

the circumstances, panicked, pulled her tube out, and had to be re-sedated. Until they could wake

her up in a controlled slow manner, there would be no way to truly assess brain function. That

would be our big moment of truth.

The rest of that weekend was a waiting game, and each night I would dream of the Abyss, and

see her there. In a few she was able to see me and emotions passed between us. She seemed

confused in that state and didn’t know why she

was there. I attempted to explain the best I could, but how does one explain something like

this? This was also the weekend before the big eclipse, and I had already been planning to do

other rituals. I figured I would also use the energy to give what we did in the previous ritual

a boost.

I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing as

best I could and preparing for the next phase, for there was more to do. In the meantime, I sang

victory songs, did things that made me happy, and also spent time remembering my friend and

all the good times we had and life lived.

Despite the fact the deck seemed to be stacked against us and my bed-ridden and unconscious

friend, the reality is that I didn’t care. I only saw what I wanted and I went for it. The

doctors had called her next of kin, the lab work looked bleak, and she had been deprived of

oxygen for some time during the initial phase of her medical emergency. Even if she were to

wake up, they predicted it would be challenging to assess her brain function.

None of that mattered. I simply needed a

chance, one that I believed in so strongly that nothing else was a possibility. I found it in the

Abyss, when I also found myself. In that realm

of creation, destruction and limitlessness, I created new patterns of resonance for myself and

others.

While coming out of the Abyss, something

came back with us…. many somethings. J.W. and I knew we had gotten on the radar of other

spiritual entities, some not so friendly, yet we knew we could handle what came our way. We

never expected to go unnoticed, but we also didn’t anticipate the ways in which things would

try to interject themselves into our lives and make themselves known.

When you make waves, create your own rule

book and support others on their paths, the systems in place that would keep people ignorant

take offense of that fact, and take measures to maintain their power structure. I am absolutely

confident in my abilities and am not one to claim spiritual “attack” casually, because I see so many

magickal people in various circles who do. They have a victim mentality and their sense of self-

worth is bound to how “oppressed” they are because they think they must be so special to

make powerful enemies.

The only “enemy” I see, are ones that would keep humanity enslaved by religion and dogma,

keeping them from their true and full potential.

As a black magician who makes, breaks and bends rules at will, I am one who challenges the

status quo. Humanity is often its own worst enemy, and yet as such, has the power to choose

differently and rise above its own contrived doctrines.

In any case, ever since delving into the Abyss and doing what we did, both me and J.W. have

had a barrage of activity happen. This has taken the form of people in our lives, comprised of

living arrangements, work, family feuds and drama. We have each navigated it in our own

ways successfully. On the other hand, we have also had more responsibilities and recognition

and closer alliances in our respective communities, as this path further unfolds and is

made known.

It is truly an amazing feeling, doing a ritual and working of this magnitude…. Knowing the

power within and seeing potential within others. One of the things I enjoy magickally is helping

others find their own way, however I can. It’s nice to have companions along the journey, each

walking confidently on their unique paths.

I suddenly understood what mystics and sages may have experienced and felt. –This

feeling of both interconnection and set-

apartness. –Knowing you CAN achieve great things, that may seem miraculous, yet in reality

are simply deeper ways of operating within varying layers of reality.

I pushed forward with this confidence and knowledge, seeing what we are truly capable of.

If filled me with excitement and joy, and a sense of reverence, as it felt like a responsibility of a

higher level.

It was hard-fought and won, and I allowed myself a victory dance. Dark Goddess rising and

walking in the world, among people. Keeping the parts that are indeed human and honoring

the common ground when I find it. –Reveling in dark secret delight of the mysteries and levels of

power discovered and reached.

The fact my friend took a breath was significant to the timing of the ritual, and I could

recognize and celebrate that. Success begets success. I cannot overstate this enough. It may

seem a small thing to others, but this was deeper than was readily apparent to the casual observer.

Other practitioners may see this as a sort of genesis. --When God spoke and breathed life

into man…. This mythos and picture runs across many cultures and religions, not just Judeo-

Christian ones. While I am very much not a religionist, I can appreciate the beauty of a good

and fitting metaphor, yet we can recognize that we are indeed God.

The magickal teaching and lesson was one of shattering illusions, going beyond one’s

perceived limits, being bold, and daring to believe in oneself. It was about claiming and

operating in one’s own authority; to write the script of your own story. –Navigate the plot

twists, and then continue on with confidence. It was speaking and breathing life into a new

reality.

Victory indeed.

Purple Lightning:

Awaken

“You have everything needed for the extravagant journey

that is your life.” ~Carlos Castaneda

An eclipse is a crossroads in space and time. The energy is powerful and tangible. The air is

electric. That morning, I woke-up in anticipation, with a single intent, which was to

awaken my friend, and finish what I started.

At that point the doctors were baffled as to why she was not awake. I knew the longer she

remained unconscious, the less likely she would again regain such. They lightened her sedation

enough that she should have come out of it. There was no medical reason (aside from

possible brain damage) that she not open her eyes, make a sound, or give any indication she

was aware of her surroundings.

I knew the ritual worked. I felt it with every fiber of my being, every part of my soul. I

trusted my gut.

Over the weekend, I spent much time in

contemplation. I also kept the feeling of my friend in my heart and mind and kept imprinting

it on and within the world. I sang songs to her and gently called her back. Perhaps that is how I

coped, as letting my mind wander seemed at times to give room to worry. I cut myself off

from everyone that weekend, except people directly involved, and people who had a strong

understanding of magickal intent, so as to not let worry creep in and take root.

Just before the eclipse, I returned to the room

in which I did ritual before and placed three candles upon the floor in front of me. I did not

feel the need to lay out a circle or the Triangle I did previously, as I felt the intense wave of

power I was riding, seeking to merge with the one rapidly building with the coming eclipse. I

lit my candles and sat and meditated a while.

I could feel the world begin to ripple as this celestial event was nearly here. I felt the wonder

and awe of those whose faces the shadow had softened across already along its path. I

gradually felt a shift and knew the time had come.

As the sun began to darken in parts of our country, though not where I was at, I felt a surge

of energy. J.W. had to work that day, but I had the feeling she would likely sneak away to do

some ritual on her own when she could. The light changed from a bright summer day to a

dusky afternoon of twilight, as I stood in two places at once, holding ground. In Arizona, you

could see a sliver of moon cross the edge of the sun.

Back home in Oregon, I knew they would

experience complete darkness. I bi-located via soul-travelling, and it became quiet all of a

sudden. Everything stood still. The birds and locusts were eerily silent, and the world around

me seemed to hold its collective breath and pause.

When the moon passed in front of the sun,

lending a luminescent quality to the air, I could feel a magnetic pull between planets, stars and

all of the realms aligning at once. I perceived a geometric web of power and energy connect all

things in a split second. For a brief window of time, I understood a doorway, a portal had

opened allowing those who are aware the ability

to tap into unlimited power and pull energy from multiple sources at once to harness into rites

done during these times.

I also knew at that very moment, that anyone

at any time could tap into this same energy and places regardless of eclipses so conveniently

opening a natural gateway. One simply had only to remember the resonance, the feeling in order

to access it. We can create physical representations of such things to use as tools for

tapping-in. --Pockets of midnight, chambers of darkness and crossroads all come immediately to

mind.

If one imbues objects and ritual space with the power of events, places, people or ideas, it

acts as an anchor from which one may pull energies from and through, or where you may

send energy to.

I had this revelation in a millisecond, as a download of understanding. This happens

sometimes. I have a knowing, then go back later and reverse-engineer the “why” and “how” of it.

I pulled the force amassing from this cosmic event, and pulled it into me, while

simultaneously pushing my energy back down to the Abyss, rooting it there, and drawing it back

up within myself. An ouroboros between myself, the Abyss and cosmic happenings.

Two intense currents met in the middle of me, like a black sun, and imploded inward before

exploding out like a supernova. This was in a way the extension of what occurred in the

Abyss, at its core. It was once said that no matter can escape a black hole, yet recently

matter was observed exploding from one; the energy generated tremendous. When I was in

the Void just a few evenings prior, I knew that you had to first enter that swirling dark vortex

in order to be launched out.

My hair stood up, I felt electrified. I felt black and violet fire dancing within me, burning

new pathways and synapses inside and around my being. I also knew I had to direct it or it

would burn me up from within.

I thrust it outward on a wave. My arms and entire visage was crackling with fire and

lightning spiritually. The room and air around me physically shimmered and looked nearly as a

heat-mirage does upon distant hot pavement. I had never seen or felt anything manifest within

me that strongly in ritual in such a visceral way.

I felt a jolt leave me, and I directed it first at myself, for my work and path. --Honor myself

and own godhood first. The next order of business was to help my friend. When I woke

up earlier that day before ritual, I had a vision of an empty hospital bed, both the version in the

Abyss, and the physical one. This was going to be her day.

I worked on her, and also on rituals I know she would want to do, had she not been sleeping

through the eclipse, as she is a magickal person too. I directed healing and protection into her

life and home, as she would want that, and also to remove harmful things from her presence,

both known and unknown. I did the ritual she would have done for the eclipse, AS her, by

proxy, and also as a good friend. I invoked her essence into me and tried to do right by her;

inviting and declaring what I know she wanted in her life, based on knowing her very well, and

the many conversations we have had over the years, as well as surrounding this particular

eclipse.

I was the Queen of my universe, upon my Dark Throne, contemplating everything at once.

My attention turned to J.W. In my mind’s eye, I saw her dancing in the parking lot of where I

knew she was working that day. I saw her under a blackened sun, radiating her dark glory. I

knew she was in several locations at once, and that she was experiencing the dark side of the

eclipse not visible to the people around us.

Her laughter and mirth were felt deeply. She

continued to pluck black flames from the ether, from a field of flowers, from people who knew of

our situation, and sent them to my friend. She was dancing and playing with her own fire as

well and living from an exalted understanding and position of triumph.

It was apparent there was a lot of unclaimed

power buzzing around, from many sources. I felt her joy at being the beautiful creature that

she is and delighting in simply being alive at that moment. We both absorbed it all….and feasted.

Soon after, my vision shifted inward, and I

again focused on what I wanted to accomplish on a larger scale. I dared to dream big. And as I

write this narrative, I am seeing more of it play out and manifest. It is magnificent. I am so

excited for what’s ahead and am savoring every moment.

As I’m basking in power and a tornado of fire, J.W. calls me, asking what on earth I’m up to, as

she felt something. She knew without doubt I was doing ritual. I giggled as I told her I was

between rituals and was getting ready to head into the next step.

From Arizona, I knew we would not get a total eclipse here, but back in Oregon they

would, so I chose to be in several places at once. I could watch the wave travel across the land,

along with the moon chasing the sun. It enveloped the planet and then reached beyond. I

know enough other groups doing ritual that day, and I could feel so much power rising up within

humanity, and knew this was an evolutionary leap forward, for those ready. It was also an

apocalypse, a peeling away of illusion, so that more people will wake up and see their potential.

At the height of the power push, I sent the

thought out to my friend:

“Arise, awaken, and step into your true self. This is

your time, this is your day. AWAKEN!”

I commanded this; that was my decree. I felt reality respond and shift, then readjust. I knew

without doubt she had heard me, and I knew the moment the wave hit her. As I felt electricity

and power flow through me unhindered in any way, I felt ecstasy. I also took her higher self

that I had also invoked into myself, and pushed it out and into her, in an act of forced possession.

I saw the tethers take hold and mend themselves into her being once she was back fully in her

body.

It was finally finished. The moon travelled

along its orbit, and the earth it’s oval around the sun. I lowered my arms and felt the deep

satisfaction of a job well done. I sat there in that room, utterly spent and sated. Still crackling and

buzzing with power, my phone rang. It was the roommate. --My friend was awake.

She had awoken exactly when I was doing

ritual, and her brain was fully intact. This was such an amazing confirmation, and I didn’t

imagine it could get any better or more real than that. A few days later, I was in for another

shock and validation that left me speechless…

The day she woke up, I was able to speak

with her briefly. She was still confused of course, but happy to be alive. I shared nothing

of the magick we had done, as there would be time for that later if appropriate. I was satisfied

she would be ok, so I went about my week. A few days later my friend called me from the

hospital as she needed to remain there for observation. The words out of her mouth still

give me goosebumps.

She asked, “When I woke up, I somehow

knew it was during the eclipse. I felt a wave hit me and that’s what woke me up. What is the

purple energy and lightning?” She knew, she KNEW that I had something to do with it or

could have some insight as to what it might be. I sat there, stunned for a few minutes before

answering. “Well, let me tell you the story of what happened…”

And she sat listening, asking questions; and we

were both crying and laughing…

I KNEW that what we did would work, and

yet having this definitive and objective level of confirmation, from the very target of the

working was a special opportunity to appreciate the magnitude of it all. She is living and

breathing proof that we brought her back. She knew she was not on an earthly realm and had

little recollection of her time in the Void, yet she could feel me even then.

She said I woke her up. I knew I woke her up, but her saying it out loud, --that hit me. I

was at once both humbled and in awe of myself, my partner and the paths we have chosen.

Another precious and meaningful detail is that my friend is also a medic, and the roommate

that found her in the living room and initially performed CPR was a woman she went on a call

for, nearly fifteen years ago, who had tried committing suicide by a drug overdose. My

friend had saved her life in the back of an ambulance; that’s how they first met. Over the

years they became good friends and eventual roommates. It seems that some things come full

circle in rather perfect and synchronistic ways.

Sharing this story and insight that came from it has been an interesting process. It’s easy to

point at coincidences and claim success, yet another thing entirely to face an impossible

situation, laugh and claim victory anyway. I have seen and done many things in ritual and

gotten stunning results, yet this was a turning point for me; a game changer. This obliterated

any doubt remaining and set the bar high. Not every ritual will be life or death, literally, but

when it comes down to it, I know what I can do.

After something like this there is no going back. I will always hold myself to a higher

standard, because it took a higher standard to overcome impossibilities and create new

opportunities by redefining what IS possible. I had such an incredible breakthrough from these

events and continue to learn more from it as I assimilate the information.

All I know is spiritually and magickally we are limitless, save for those we place upon

ourselves. So many things are put into perspective when you step into your own power

and wield it in tangible ways that get results. Each person must discover this for themselves

and choose their own path.

Awaken, Arise and Go Forth in Power!

Power:

Raw and Uncut

“Impeccability begins with a single act that has to be deliberate, precise and sustained. If that act is repeated long enough, one acquires a sense of unbending intent

which can be applied to anything else. If that is accomplished the road is clear. One thing will lead to

another until the warrior realizes his full potential.” ~Carlos Castaneda

“What the hell did we just do?” … This question would be muttered between us for days and

weeks to come. We are STILL wrapping our heads around it all. In the heat of the moment,

we acted on pure instinct. After events unfolded, we gained more clarity and insight as

to the particulars, as well as how to ritualize it into something workable for others.

The analytical side of me wants to outline step by step instructions for magickal

experiments to be duplicated in a lab setting…. yet I know it doesn’t work like that. The results

I got may not be what you get. We are all at different levels of readiness and understanding,

having unique strengths.

What will be offered here are the ritualized

understandings I had, my mentality as I worked through things, the realizations that occurred in

the following weeks. Take from it what you will but be cautioned: The forces you may tap into

will release chaos into your life. Once you touch the Abyss, you are forever marked and changed.

With that in mind, understand that if there

are things in your life at all unstable, this will quicken its unravel and falling away. If there are

anchors holding you back, prepare to sever them and set sail. Know it will not often be easy, but

realizing your power and potential makes it all worth it. Walk in confidence, boldly, and do

that which you are capable:

Utter Magnificence

Ritual of Descent into the Abyss:

This ritual is to help you access levels within yourself and the Abyss. It will open a gateway

to the Void, to which you may enter and tap into

the vast source of power.

Suggested Items:

Bathtub full of water, preferably cold. Salt, mug wort, wormwood, censer, charcoal

briquettes designed for incense, metal tongs to handle the charcoal (scissors also work well).

Incense—copal, dragon’s blood, frankincense or myrrh, a sharp dagger or lancet, two black

candles, one red candle, evocation circle or triangle of choice.

Preparing the Space:

Begin by performing a space clearing. Burn sage or other incense of choice and center

yourself. Where the ritual is to be done, lay out a circle of evocation if desired. Like I mentioned

before, I used the Trinity of Triangles, designed by S. Ben Qayin. You may also opt to use no

circle.

I have found that the Trinity of Triangles is a potent gateway and have noticed a dynamic shift

in energy flow when I work with it. I also love the Triangle of Eternal Evocation, also by S. Ben

Qayin. Some will lay the triangles and circles out on the ground, but I also enjoy having one

reside on the wall behind my altar as a nice backdrop and energetic focus point.

Next, place just in front of you, if you were sitting in the circle or triangle, two black candles,

approximately arms distance apart if you extend both arms; this help focus and anchor the

gateway. Place the red candle between them. Alternatively, you may place the two black

candles slightly behind you to either side, with the red in front, so you would be facing the apex

of a triangle within a circle. This can represent you, if you are doing work on yourself, or in my

case, my friend and me, since I was in a way binding her to me for a time to help with

energetic imprinting. Leave them unlit but set in place until after your ritual bath. You may,

however, have other candles lit for lighting, which is preferable to electric light and glare.

The Ritual Bath:

Begin by disrobing mindfully. As layers of

clothes come off, let the cares of this world slip away. Whatever emotions the task at hand

brings up, try to only focus on what you are doing at the moment. As you strip, you remove

the façade you carefully maintain in society. You must come to this ritual fully ready to

reveal who you truly are.

Fill the tub with water, the colder the better. While this may have the added benefit of

shocking your system into an altered state, the purpose I used it for was utterly practical, in that

I knew I was doing deep Abyss work and working with death. As such, I though it

prudent to bring my temperature down, in order to help preserve my own brain function, should

my heartrate and breathing slow, due to the intense connection I knew was necessary.

Take a few handfuls of salt and sprinkle it

into the water. Add mug wort and wormwood, as they are both useful in rites of divination,

shadow work and wandering in different realms.

Step into the tub and lay down. Submerse

yourself entirely. Expel all your breath and let yourself sink. Let the coldness seep all the way

in. Hold your breath as long as you can, then come up for air. As you go back under, allow the

bubbles to escape as they will. When they are gone, pause, feel the stillness within. Come up

for one last breath. Breathe deeply, then go under. As breath is released, so is the person you

once were.

There comes a point, when you have stopped

breathing for a brief time, that our primal ‘lizard brains’ come in to play, perhaps a cellular

memory, a sensation of breathing through the skin or other areas besides our nose and mouth.

This can also happen in sensory deprivation chambers, which I have experienced.

Arise from the waters and breathe. Step out

of the tub, towel off, and proceed to your ritual space, naked. As you walk, know that you are

slowly receding from this world, into another one….

As you walk slowly to the ritual chamber, let

your mind remain still, and stay fully present in the moment.

Opening the Gate:

Step into your circle, if you have one, and sit in the middle of it. Light the coal, let it build

heat. I like to hold it in tongs or scissors and place it over the candle flame. I then blow upon

it to ensure even burn, and that it is fully lit. When it becomes white-hot, place it in the

censer and liberally apply incense.

As the smoke billows, light the red candle.

Meditate on your reason for the working, and what you intend to accomplish. When ready,

light the black candles. In the smoke, see a door appear. I was told by Azazel earlier that “the key

to opening it is iron will”. A play on words, yet quite literal. Your blood is the Key, as is your

Will. Take your dagger or lancet, and acquire a few drops of your own blood, adding it to the

incense and each candle.

Speaking from the heart, say:

“Through water, fire and smoke I come, and with my

blood my Will is done.”

Peer into the space between the candles and

scry into the shadows beyond. You may

experience a feeling of falling, and if that is so, allow your body to rest upon itself. Feel yourself

sinking downward, and allow the darkness to take you, permeate you and become you. –As

you become it. All that you are is now a point of consciousness in this vast space. Behold all that

is there, and that which is not. Allow feelings and thoughts to come and go. As you adjust, the

darkness is tangible, intelligent, and waiting….

Revel in it. Pull it in and then expand

yourself out. As you look into the deepest part of the Abyss you will see a Throne. Approach

the throne. It is yours, so claim it. Sit upon it in dark regal splendor, and look out upon your

Kingdom, and contemplate all that you are and shall do.

At this point, now go forth and DO whatever

you came to do…. this rite of descent and opening the gate is to get you in the mindset of

working within the Abyss and claiming your place. The rest is up to you.

*****

Rite of Dark Godhood:

Once you are firmly ensconced inside the

Abyss, it is time to awaken the God within. See around you endless night, and a vast array of

stars. You are timeless, ageless, without limit. Feel your Power growing. In the windswept

vista before you, breathe the living darkness in. Let it merge with and further ignite the black

flame at your core, spreading outward through your being. At first attempt, it may feel like a

cloak you wear, but in time it emerges from the inside.

Trust that however you perceive yourself as a

creature of beauty and power is realized in that moment. Call forth the higher template from

your own Akashic Record and invoke your own godhood into yourself, to merge with the

manifestation of yourself in this life and plane.

The deeper truth and pattern of who you are will emerge and reveal itself to you. Hold that

vision, see it clearly, see it enter you as you step into it. On a cellular level you will merge and

become one with that part of yourself on a higher level. This Being has no limits. It is

hardwired with infinite knowledge and power.

When you feel this to be your absolute truth and highest manifestation, speak out-loud with

conviction, and decree into the Darkness these words, which are the Creed of the Dark Throne:

Creed of the Dark Throne:

“Superseding all else, to evolve my

consciousness, body and being, to carve a path of dark knowledge and understanding. I walk in

strength and endurance adapting to any situation. I master and honor myself, choosing

my words and actions deliberately. With iron-will, focus and discipline I leverage reality.

Operating from my core, all things are possible.”

“I recognize my achievements and celebrate my victories. In justice I balance severity and

compassion. In facing oppressive forces that threaten my freedom, Kingdom, or those I hold

most dear, I bend the knee to NO-ONE. The Black Flame I wield carves a path removing all

obstacles.”

“As a Dark God of my own making, I keep confidence and boldness my companions and

power my essence. In navigating life, death and circumstances in all realms, I consider the

Thirteen Precepts of the Abyss.”

~Awareness~

“Learn to recognize synchronicities. Face the

storm. Create opportunity and take strategic action. Do more than deliberate: Reflect and

act.”

~Desire~

“Identify the deeper root. Fully commit to the

moment. Do more than experience it: Let it fuel you, let it burn.”

~Crucible~

“Hone, refine and alchemize the True Will. Do more than sharpen: Make the cut.”

~Love, Loyalty, Friendship~

“First to the self, all else follows. Do more than

relate: Authentically connect.”

~Descent~

“Go deep or go home. Do more than ask:

Decide.”

~Become the Dark~

“In the darkness find yourself. Wear it like

armor and it can never be used against you. Do more than maintain it: Make it your ally.”

~Resonate~

“Write the cosmic symphony of self-determination. Authority is your birthright.

Don’t just match frequencies: Be the force that shifts reality.”

~Territory~

“Maintain positions of strength while advancing.

Don’t be a chess piece or even the board: Make the rules”

~Dark Illumination~

“Ignition of self and others. Keep the flame lit: Set the World on Fire.”

~Sanctuary~

“Cathedrals in space and time where worlds are made. Introspect, renew, create. Spend time

here, then go forth!

~Ascent~

“Erase doubt and be triumphant. As you rise

and evolve, so too does humanity.”

~Awaken~

“All things are revealed within fractally

expanded consciousness.”

~Kingship Mentality~

“Your Word is Law. Confident power

strategically applied. Decree and call forth the gold in yourself and others. Empower, Inspire,

Evolve and Be the Example.”

*****

As you are simultaneously a human as well,

operating in various realms at once, you may better access yourself. The higher resonance and

template will activate things within you that you will become more aware of after this ritual. Pay

particular attention to your thought patterns and synchronicities around you.

You may experience heightened sensory

perception immediately following for a time, that will then be tempered so you can function in

the “normal” world and not be overwhelmed by seeing, knowing and experiencing everything all

at once.

Feel yourself as you truly are, in this moment. Hold that feeling and vision, solidifying it. You

are all powerful, all knowing and everywhere at once. THIS IS YOU. Remember that. All past,

present and future comes together and on some level, you retain it. Know that while you go

back, the truth and beauty of you is there, you just have to look within the dark mirror of your

own soul.

*****

As you fully embrace your Destiny, you may

at first experience an intense rush and power-high. Enjoy it! Ride the wave and DO ritual,

now is the time to take action. After a period of time, which differs for everyone, you may feel a

nostalgia or even melancholy creep in slightly. This can manifest in varying degrees and forms.

It may be a discontent with daily mundane life, job or people. You may feel disconnected and

alienated from those around you.

Some would caution you to not make major life changes during such a time, but that is not

my counsel to you. I say go for it! Remove the obstacles holding you back and make the changes

necessary and desired from which to move forward firmly and with purpose.

*****

As a black chaotic magician, I am not as concerned about the time or place I do ritual. I

am not limited by such things as planetary times and favorable hours as more ceremonial types of

magician. These things can perhaps lend certain energies and frequencies to a working, but one

should not be hesitant to do ritual whenever it is needed.

As the Abyss has an energy of its own, I root myself there in part. While I tap into it, I also

bring it here within my space. I will share with you a special place of power I created. You may

also decide to construct something similar for yourself.

The Chamber of Darkness:

What it is: A place to commune with and soak

in darkness and Abyss energies.

I chose a spot that felt right to me. --A closet.

--A nook in the corner of my ritual room. It is approximately 4’x4’ in dimension.

After a brief trip to the local Home Depot

store, I returned with flat, black latex paint, with

which to paint my little room. I covered the walls, floor and ceiling inside with rich utter

blackness. A day or so later, I hung dark light-proof curtains, as there was no solid door.

It should be noted that I also placed within this oubliette my 4’ round scrying mirror, that I

also created a few years back. When sitting before it, the sensation is one of falling into a

deep pool of water or getting sucked into a portal in outer space.

For those of you rigid historians of language

out there, yes, I am aware an oubliette is normally a dungeon with the only escape being a

trap-door in the roof…. Yet I have always wanted one, so not being a stickler for rules and

tradition, I determined it can harbor a similar energy with the door any damn place I like.

This is less a “dungeon” in that sense, and

more an isolated place of repose. One is not a prisoner, but rather, a temporary hermit seeking

solitude; of the kind only found when one coalesces and anchors darkness and sits within

its confines.

In this manner, the space had the quality of a

sensory isolation tank, without the water. No light, and practically no sound filtered in. It

maintained a steady temperature, despite being on an outer wall of the building.

The Chamber of Darkness is something I actually came up with before my experience

mentioned here in the Abyss, yet I can better appreciate it after experiencing everything that

occurred and further assimilated what I have learned.

Begin by tapping into the essence of the

Abyss. Find the heart of the Void, the vast space it would be. Literally pull cords and tendrils of

its energy back through your consciousness, and into the space you wish to house it. Attach and

anchor them into the room, into the walls, into the geometry and underlying structure.

At the same time, stretch the corners of the

room energetically down into to Void beneath, and let the chamber develop roots, to embed into

the darkness given form and foundation.

Like water rushing up a newly tapped spring,

the feeling of darkness will issue forth from the tendrils and permeate the space set aside for this

purpose. The only light that should ever be allowed within is candle light. Keep the door or

curtains closed to the entrance. Take no electronics into the Chamber.

The idea is to protect the energy that incubates and strengthens over time from

mundane things. You will notice a distinct difference between the energy of that space, your

other ritual space and your more “normal” spaces.

This place is ideal for introspection, meditation, scrying and doing deep soul and

shadow work. Here there are no distractions. Think of it as a secret personal backdoor into the

Abyss, a path down the Dark Tree itself into the Void….and you possess the only Key.

On occasion, you may feel something beckons you in. It has been at times slightly unsettling

creating a link and permanent open gateway, where energies flow strongly both ways. I come

and go, and so do other things.

Being a Sovereign in my own space, however, the only things that do approach are curious

things, or entities waiting until I notice them and choose to engage or exchange information.

I have had a few people enter this space, as an

experiment and gift I offered them. When they emerged after their time there, they expressed

having intense visions, and downloads of information of their own, as it truly is a place of

utter clarity and insight.

Even people who haven’t set foot in there physically, when I have described it to them,

they connected with it, and said it feels much like a “confessional” box, as one would speak

with a priest. This is also true, as it is a place of divine/infernal communion, both with yourself,

and entities that resonate from the Deep. You go in with spiritual honesty, speaking from the

heart, and you are able to better find solutions to things you are dealing with.

What I also find interesting is it retains traits of the Abyss from which it is patterned and

connected. Even during a blazing hot summer day, when the room in which the Chamber

resides is uncomfortably warm, this particular space remains cool. And despite the fact there is

only a curtain to muffle sound, it is eerily silent. The only thing I can hear is my heartbeat and

breathing.

The room and closet are in the loft of a barn, which has been converted into a studio

apartment, yet retaining all the sounds of the farm on the property around it. --Chickens, a

horse, a goat, cats and many crows. There is always some activity happening, yet within the

Chamber is stillness and silence, and the coldness from beyond.

The Chamber of Darkness seems to defy the laws of thermodynamics on this plane. It is

otherworldly, because it is connected to other worlds…

*****

Pockets of Midnight:

Out of necessity or desire, you may wish to take the Abyss with you. Of course, we know it

resides within and without, yet physical reminders and tools can help us focus and

connect.

Pockets of Midnight can be a literal pocket, a

bag you carry, much like a mojo/hoodoo bag, or it can be something you create within your

energy structure and matrix.

Choose a suitable bag, if going for a physical representation. Black velvet works well, lined

with black silk, with a drawstring closure. The technique for anchoring is the same as before.

You can also choose to leave the bag outside under the moon and stars over thirteen

consecutive nights, but you must collect it before dawn. For added potency, either stay up late or

set an alarm, and do the anchoring work into the bag between the hours of 12:00 and 3:30 am.

This item resonates with night-time energies, particularly the timeframe between 12:00

midnight and 3:30 am. While this is a piece of the Void, it is also time, tucked away. Each hour

has a frequency. Many magicians are very active during this window of time, at is often a time of

heightened creativity and awareness.

The daytime energies have settled down. Even the air smells different. Sound can be

heard over greater distance, and magick is always afoot.

If desiring a Pocket of Midnight within

yourself, then you are the vessel. Same techniques. The added benefit of this is the fact

the essence of the Abyss will always be keenly felt within your being.

I recommend this only if you are experienced with spindling energy within your body and can

create loops of energy between yourself and other objects, people and places.

Instead of a “bag”, you construct a 3/D toroidal structure within your energy field, with

you at the center of the dark “doughnut”. Go outside under the open sky preferably between

the hours of 12:00 and 3:00 am. Extend your aura and energies into the Abyss and siphon its

essence towards you. Let it fill you. When you are filled with inky blackness, feel it expanding

beyond your skin and body.

Extend tendrils and weave the ropes created

both from the Abyss and from within you, around this rotating toroid that is spiraling both

inward and outward. This becomes part of your energy field. Always there, yet something to tap

into upon demand to draw from the unlimited depths of the Abyss and the power within.

This also serves as built-in psychic hygiene,

as the structure itself makes it difficult for outside energies that don’t resonate with you or

the Abyss to latch on.

It can also be rather vampiric in nature, as it more easily attracts and attaches to things of a

similar frequency, as well as things you consciously direct it. In that way, it can process

and assimilate things coming at you or that you deliberately bring it to your sphere of control,

and like a black hole, it creates a critical mass

with its own “gravity”, and in a similar manner, generates tremendous energetic potential.

*****

Many people speak of the crossroads as a

physical place. While they can be that they are even more a state of flux and being. Any place

where angles meet and form corners is a place of energy constriction and expansion. Different

angles seem to possess differing effects in feel and purpose. Long narrow pathways seem to

increase the speed and force of energetic currents, much like how water may flow through

a large pipe and become more intense and direct as the opening shrinks. This can feel stark and

jarring yet be conducive to harnessing energy.

Sometimes this may occur at a literal crossroads where two or more roads meet, but

often, it is any conjunction of lines or pathways where people or things go to and fro. Finding a

suitable physical location can be of use, though with time is not strictly necessary, for we carry

the crossroads within us.

In any case, it will serve as a meeting place of spiritual convergence much like a busy airport or

train station and may buzz and hum like a power line.

The Twilight Crossroads:

What it is: A place to merge worlds, to “ride the

hedge”; to have one foot always in the “Ever After”.

Experiment with different times of the day or night, yet initially do this just before dusk. After

choosing the designated spot, preferably in a

secluded or semi-private location, stand just

outside the intersection. Take a few deep breaths and center yourself.

Let your gaze wander upon the lines of the

road, path, river or architectural juncture. The patterns and directions your eyes look may be

imbedding the geometry into your brain, forming a type of energetic sigil of the space.

The shape is not something to be too concerned about, as at this stage you don’t need to

memorize it, though you may later have “after-images” come to you, as if you were viewing a

photographic negative. These things were something you could stare at for a few minutes,

then quickly away from, and you would see the actual image depicted in the empty space before

you. If you do get a particular “image” that acts as a sigilized expression of the patterns present,

you may trace it down later and use this as another way to open and activate these gateways.

The edges may appear to shimmer, become slightly wavy, or otherwise disappear,

particularly in the periphery.

When this occurs, step into the center of the

Crossroads. Once there place your body fully inline along one of the paths. (As if you were

walking down the street). Feel the energy meet you there; flow through and around you. Once

you get a “taste” of its essence, reach out a tendril, as a hand into a river, and draw this

energy into yourself and let it fill you. It will swirl around and follow the path of least

resistance.

Allow yourself to become a vessel to contain it, but also ensure that it flows freely out of you.

One way to do this is to quickly tap back into the Void, as you should by now have some practice

doing. Attach the energy into your personal energy, and pull it down into the Abyss with

you, and see it attached to the brazier that holds your Black Flame near your Dark Throne.

Wrap it around your throne in a circle, and then back through the Flame. Travel back up to the

Crossroads and feel that loop of energy created: It creates a circuit from the crossroads, through you,

into the Void, around your Throne and then back up

and out through you. Picture a moebius strip/figure-eight if it helps. Next, align

yourself with any other paths meeting or crossing the center and do the same thing with

each one in turn. Eventually you will do this almost instantaneously; with each “rope” or

“tributary” of the crossroad all at once, instead of separately. --A master weaver handling multiple

strings of reality at once, rather than the single spider creating a lovely web with one strand.

This creates a type of spiritual-bio-circuitry

that links all of these elements together, effectively weaving the “DNA” of the

Crossroads into you and your personal space within the Abyss. As you have just reinforced a

repeating and fractal pattern of energy, when the energy cycles up and out, and specifically

because it had to condense by going through you, the flame, and sling-shot around your Throne

like a rocket around the moon, then back through the fire, up and out, it creates enough force to rip

open a seam in the fabric of reality in the middle of the Crossroads.

At this point you will may feel heat, and even friction in your body, due to the influx and rush

of energy. It may border on the uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Remember you can take it,

as you were made for this.

You will likely also notice that how you stand in relation to the angle of the pathway affects the

energy flow and how you experience it. For example:

Consider the river of energy as a straight angle

representing 90 degrees, in which you are aligned. If

you were in this stream, the water would hit you

head-on, as you cause turbulence in the flow. This

angle is ideal for a fast fill of energy. If you stand

completely sideways instead, the water easily passes

around you on all sides with minimal resistance, as

you have decreased the surface area it is directly

pushing against. Walking across the flow as it hits

you from the side is the easiest way to “hold ground”

and not be swept away, when crossing a river by foot.

In order to navigate the current (in a literal river),

in the actual flow, you must angle your body at 45

degrees to the direction of the water. In a river, this

is how one navigates in a strong current of open

water. (Which I did in a swift-water rescue class in

a wet-suit in the frigid North Fork of the Santiam

River in the middle of November during medic

school.)

If I wanted to reach the shore to my left, I would

float downstream while in a semi-seated position, feet

forward (my body bent at nearly 90 degrees) and

angle my legs 45 degrees to my right (in relation to the

current behind me) This creates a “rudder” effect, and

the water will push you to the opposite direction your

legs are pointed.

In the same way, by placing yourself within the

middle of the crossroads at a 45-degree angle to the

“current”, you create just enough turbulence and

friction to catch the water [energy], in a controlled

manner, and then effectively steer yourself.

This merging and weaving of forces within

the Crossroads, and your enhanced knowledge of energy dynamics and angles, allow you to

become more sensitized to subtle and overt energy in your environment around you; the

placement of objects and yourself within it.

You should be facing a corner of the

Crossroads, as you are at an angle. Once you feel the energy build up and rise from the depths,

see the Darkness flow out and expand beyond your body. Imagine that you are in the center of

a black book, which is laying on its spine. You are among its folded pages, though upright

(being 90 degrees to the base/spine, and varying degrees to each page as they radiate from where

they attach. When the book opens, the covers touch the ground. As the energy emerges,

anchor it to the physical location, at the corners. By shifting and turning pages, you access

different layers of reality. As you are always in the middle, the pages flow through you, and

reality is “bent”, and brought towards you, before being laid out before you.

When you slip through the gate, through the

rift, and ride the current, depending on where you are literally at may determine the “type” of

crossroads you encounter. Like stepping into a crowded spiritual city, you may find yourself

among the hustle and bustle of a seemingly different dimension. You may come across

legions of infernal beings and other higher intelligences, or you may venture into realms

where you may learn its secrets, to be instructed in many artforms and magickal sciences by the

citizens therein. Physical location seems to be a clue as to the “type” of crossroad it is, and the

likely resonance it will have on the other side once you step in.

Some Crossroads are quieter, bearing feelings of listlessness and solemnity. These are the

ghost-roads where shades and memories walk. Wandering here are parts of humans that are left

behind, a psychic imprint after physical death. These entities are also walking libraries, as they

are tied partly to the Akashic records. When you evoke the “soul” of a person, this is the

aspect that is conjured.

Another type of Crossroad is a place like the ocean, though I consider this a “Twilight Place”,

as it can have a similar feel. Anywhere you have vastly different terrain or landscape meet, there

is a Crossroad energy and can be worked with in the same way. One thing I have also discovered

are Crossroads of light and shadow. If you have limited means to go out, or are not inclined to do

so, you may find these places within your dwelling, where doors meet hallways, or the path

of a doorway crosses a room on one path, and a window crosses that trajectory forming a

Crossroad. Be creative.

While in the Crossroads with this

understanding, each page is a resonance, an outcome, that when you open it, it unfolds upon

the current reality. It settles upon the land as the sun dips beyond the horizon. Dusk and dawn

are “crossroads times”. As long as you understand the deeper meaning of transition,

you can do this anytime. During your time in the Twilight Crossroads, you can explore and

experience these layers; see the world through these different filters and chapters. Using this

analogy, you may also create a “bookmark”, which you also tie to the Crossroads. Upon your

return, you only have to reach out and feel the energy signature to find your place, and hence

the page to open and overlay (which like a cosmic rubix-cube door has endless

configurations).

Whenever you are done here, release your hold on the energy and allow it to recede back

into the Void. The tethers you created with this Crossroad can be permanent if you wish, and

you may leave things as they are. Each time you come here, the stronger your connection.

Because it is tuned to your frequency, people passing by other times of day may not perceive

anything. Only the very discerning could possibly sense the energy shift and rift in this

location.

As you get ready to leave, step out of the

Crossroad, and let the energy settle; returning to “normal”, though this is a subjective word for

people who walk the roads between collective realities. Know that as though you may go, you

carry a piece of it within, and have yourself become a Crossroad of Twilight, both here and

there. You may enter back in to daily life, and have a sharper awareness of corners and angles,

and how energy behaves in each. Use this to your benefit.

Living from the

Core: Infinite Potential

“If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it.

Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution.

Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any

mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected

with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one

honors the timid.” ~Robert Greene

Be true to yourself and nature, for then you can be authentic with others in turn. Know

without doubt, as a magician you can change collective reality. This situation provided the

catalyst for me to realize this more concretely. I am used to getting results, but this took it to a

whole other level.

Operating on this level requires focus, discipline and an iron Will. You must be willing

to go big or go home. There are no half-measures here, nor room for self-doubt. One

should ever seek to go higher and deeper, never settling for complacency. I am constantly asking

myself “what’s next”?

J.W. and I had many adventures in Arizona

and enjoy a rare bond of sisterhood we shall always treasure. It’s funny how life can open

doors and close others, and when seasons change, you must continue on your journey. We both

had things to do, respectively, things to work on in our own lives that required strategic

placement of resource and ourselves within different locations.

As I drove down the highway, this time into a

sunset, I spent the long hours contemplating all that had occurred. It was surreal. I passed

tumbleweed and cacti, this time observing as I passed by. I listened to music and to the wind.

Other times I sat in stillness. Leaving the desert was bittersweet, for I was again going forth into

unknown territory.

Eventually the sand and rock gave way to green trees and lush valleys. Although I was

returning to Oregon, I knew much had changed;

I had changed. I was not the same person that had set-out down the road just a few months

before. Even though I was going home, I knew in my heart that it would be temporary; a place

to regroup, focus and work on more projects, until I set sail once again.

“I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for

me. It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger:

someone has to give them up, lose them, so that others may

keep them.” ~Frodo Baggins, The Return of the King,

The Grey Havens

There is so much to explore and learn

continuously. I still feel the wave rippling out, effecting change. The door to the Abyss remains

open to me, and I always feel it. I have learned to take respite there, and recharge. I find solace

and beauty in the Spaces In-Between, in Twilight realms and Darker places.

Song of The Nightside:

Though she wanders through the Grave;

A Kindred Soul to Darkness Gave.

Step into the light no more,

A Fall from Grace to Evermore.

From Shadowed Quiet steps does she,

And beckons; bid you, come to me.

The broken hearted softly cries,

Alone and Naked in the Night.

Coming forth, again to thee,

Forever waiting breathlessly.

The moon is cool upon her face,

Where all who come here meet their fate.

Gardens of Stone; of Sepulchered Bone.

Obsidian Fire, and Birthright Throne.

A Crossroads Call, at Nightfall.

And so she walks among the stars

In Midnight Realms forgotten far.

From Twilight Spaces In-Between,

The Blackest Fire can be seen.

From the Abyss’ Eternal Depth,

The formless Chaos can be met.

Dwelling always in the Deep,

It’s Secrets she’ll forever keep.

And she goes forth on Silver Ships,

With Tears of God upon her lips.