Dealing with Difficult People Why Bother Learning How?

Dealing with Difficult PeopleWhy Bother Learning How?

Weapons of mass destruction

• Five minutes to Midnight website: 2007 — “The world stands at the brink of a second nuclear age.”

•http://www.thebulletin.org/minutes-to-midnight/timeline.html

So many injured & killed in wars

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_II_casualties

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wars

• Mass killing of the Kurds.

We appear to have PROBLEMS

• getting along with others

- BIG TIME!

Going Postal

• In 1998 alone, 1.7 million people were assaulted in the workplace.

• http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/violfs.html

How can we hope to get along with others?• “By responding to the early warning

signs of conflict, policy makers can take steps to avoid war. Known as "preventive diplomacy," this new approach to global security looks beyond politics and armaments to the root causes of war. “

• http://www.cdi.org/adm/949/

Learning how do we respond to the early warning signs of conflict?

• ONE SUGGESTION:

• WE STUDY BOOKS AND PRACTICE THEIR TECHNIQUES FOR GETTING ALONG WITH OTHERS.

Suggested Books to Read

• This book describes the invalidation process (i.e. invalidators) including causes.

• Invalidators puts you down because of a low self-esteem and a need to control you.

Dr Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner

•What is the situation you’re in with the difficult person(s)?

•What is it you do in that situation that you want to change?

•The authors offer numerous options – besides fighting or withdrawing - to change patterns of behavior.

• The authors also suggest letting other people be who they are and not taking it personally.

Roberta Cava•Conflict itself, when you think about it, is a fact of life. And the trouble is that most of us aren't equipped to handle it very well.

•Cava lays it all out there in an easy-to-follow format, from understanding behavior and basic communication skills, to ending off with some suggestions on how to deal with a cast of characters you're likely to run into. •http://www.pldynamics.com/archived-book-review-18.php

Sandra A. Crowe•Part I, focuses on understanding what makes difficult people so hard to deal with.

•The key is to recognize the difficult person's behavior and our reaction to it.

•The most thought-provoking question in this segment is "Do we attempt to change difficult people, or do we change our expectations of them?”

•`Difficult' is an opinion. We base our assessment of a person on our observations and expectations, and what we see as difficult, another may see as straightforward or decisive. •http://baltimorechronicle.com/bkreview_strangling.html

Sandra A. Crowe• Crowe offers nine types of difficult personalities.

• The aggressive ‘lizard,’ complains about everything. Crowe's advice is to steer them away from problems and into solutions.

• The passive ‘donkey,’ stays rooted in one place until forcibly led away - frozen, afraid to make a move. The challenge is to empower them to take some action on their own.

• Crowe's suggestion is to offer a set of choices, outlining the likely outcome, then let them choose.

• If their decision is unwise they may learn from it. If their decision is a winner, they will gain confidence and may break out of their passive mold.

Sandra A. Crowe

• Crowe offers ways to deal with the difficult personalities, for example, "Verbal Aikido."

• Verbal aikido is a technique of redirecting a conversation in the direction you want it to go. Sample verbiage includes "Here are your options.." and "You make the choice."

• Difficult people often won't making a choice, because then who would take the blame?

• That's exactly Crowe's point - let them decide, and then learn from the outcome.

• http://www.amazon.com/Since-Strangling-Option-Sandra-Crowe/dp/0399525408

Mike Leibling

•Offers useful tips on how to deal with even the most irritating people and provides insights and solutions for a variety of difficult situations.

• Strategies for dealing with problems successfully are suggested.

Bonding with your enemy.

•Filled with dramatic and compelling stories of true-to-life hostage situations, Hostage at the Table is a thoroughly researched book that shows how to:

• Learn to bond, even with your "enemy“

• Never think like a hostage

• Tap into the power of dialogue and negotiation

• Understand that the person is never the problem

•Every day, hostage negotiators confront the most violent disputes imaginable and report a success rate far exceeding 90 percent.

•http://www.hostageatthetable.com/

•Listen to Audio Interview

Bonding with your enemy•How hostage got an Atlanta suspect to set her free?

•Ashley Smith, the woman held hostage in her apartment by the suspect in Atlanta’s courthouse slayings, said Monday she hopes Brian Nichols realizes he did the right thing by not killing her and instead surrendering without a fight.

•Professional negotiators build up rapport with people by discussing the problems that lead to their "crisis point."

•http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7157845/

The Story of Stephan Morin --Margy Mayfield

• What would you do if a rapist/murderer abducted you? Margy Mayfield spoke about her faith to one during 10 hours of her kidnapping.

• When Stephan Morin drove off with his victim, he told her the story of his horrible childhood and later he let her go and surrendered to the police.

• http://bookstore.fotf.ca/default.aspx?prodid=CD112

You can learn to deal with difficult people!

• So whether you’re a hostage to a difficult person or a dangerous criminal, there are principles and techniques you can learn to deal with all these people!