Welcome to How To Handle Difficult People
Sep 10, 2014
Welcome to
How To Handle Difficult People
Welcome to
How To Handle Difficult People
Reasons for Learning the Skill of Dealing with
Difficult People Keeps you from going crazy
Separates the people from the problem
Assists in accomplishing objectives
Increase ministry effectiveness
Forces you to practice self-discipline
What Makes a Person “Difficult”?What Makes a Person “Difficult”?
They are a bottleneck to the productivity in the They are a bottleneck to the productivity in the congregationcongregation
Constant complaining about everythingConstant complaining about everything
No concern for others feelings No concern for others feelings
They do not live out the Great CommandmentThey do not live out the Great Commandment
When people interrupt your conversationWhen people interrupt your conversation
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What Are Some Challenging Behaviors?
Blaming Manipulating Interrupting
Sarcastic Excuse-making Controlling
Criticizing Yelling Complaining
Gossiping Murmuring Passive Aggressive
Biblical Model to Handle Conflict
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
2 Corinthians 12:20
20For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarrelling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.
Staying Calm1. Breathe
• In through the nose – out through the mouth• Pace• Depth
2. Relax• Jaws• Neck• Body
3. Maintain Healthy Attitude• Nondefensive• Confident, not arogant• Don’t take yourself to seriously
4. Repeat coping statements
Dealing with your emotions in difficult situations
•F•E•A•R
ace the conflict/difficult people
xpect the best results
ssess the situationeact appropriately
10 Myths About Anger1. Getting angry is the only way to get things
done2. It’s only natural to respond that way3. Strongly confronting an angry person will
back them down4. Intimidation wins respect5. Verbal or physical venting will have lasting
calming effects6. Anger is a bad emotion7. There is only one way to deal with anger8. Anger can’t be helped (it is just the way I am)9. Not getting angry means they got away with
it.10.Ignore it and it will go away
What Are Some Challenging Behaviors?
Blaming Manipulating Interrupting
Sarcastic Excuse-making Yelling
Criticizing One-upmanship Complaining
Gossiping Murmuring Passive Aggressive
Identify Your Personal Communication Style and
Understand OthersTask Focus
Passive Aggressive
People Focus
Get It Right Get It Done
Get Along Get Appreciated
Get It Right
Strengths»Accurate»Fact finder»Precise»Organized
Get It Right
Weaknesses»Stubborn»Boring»Unimaginative»Change stifler
Get It Right
Effective Behaviors•Know your stuff•Schedule time – make an
appointment•Use facts, logic, and
structure•Proceed step-by-step
Get It Done
Strengths»Decisive»Gets things done»Confident
Get It Done
Weaknesses»Intimidates»Alienates people»Uses force instead of cooperation
Get It Done
Effective Behaviors•Get to the point•Approach businesslike•Be task-oriented•Understand and support their
goals
Get Appreciated
Strengths»People-oriented»Persuasive»Verbal skills»Optimistic
Get Appreciated
Weaknesses»Egotistical»Lacks follow-through
»Flaky»Disorganized
Get Appreciated
Effective Behaviors•Use flexibility•Be enthusiastic•Let them talk•Use demonstrations
Get Along
Strengths»Likeable»Loyal»Team Player»Patient
Get Along
Weaknesses»Indecisive»Wasted time»Overly emotional»Illogical decisions
Get Along
Effective Behaviors•Be casual and sincere•Slow down and listen•Make honesty safe•Set goals•Build them up
Identify Your Personal Communication Style and
Understand OthersTask Focus
Passive Aggressive
People Focus
Get It Right Get It Done
Get Along Get Appreciated
Gain More Power With Difficult People
1. Pacing
2. Backtracking
3. Clarifying
Is It Worth Salvaging?
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Pros Cons
Conflict Management Strategies
Collaborate
Compete Compromise Avoid
Accommodate
Tips for Managing Conflict
• Deal with conflict in a timely manner
• If possible, keep information about the conflict confidential
• Take responsibility for personal change
• Focus on problem solving
True insanity is continuing to do what we have always done
and expecting a different outcome.
Freud