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Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

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Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014
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Page 1: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

A r

ecen

t in

itia

tive

by

the

Uni

vers

ity

of

Del

awar

e to

cel

ebra

te th

e au

tum

n se

ason

ha

s be

en p

rom

ptly

can

cele

d af

ter

bein

g de

emed

an

utte

r fa

ilure

by

stud

ents

and

pu

blic

hea

lth o

ffici

als.

The

initi

ativ

e, “D

are

to b

e Fa

ll,” w

as a

com

bina

tion

of v

ario

us

prog

ram

s des

igne

d to

be “

fest

ive,

fun,

and

to

tally

har

mle

ss,” a

ccor

ding

to th

e sc

hool

’s w

ebsi

te.

Sour

ces

say

the

effor

t m

ight

hav

e be

en

too

muc

h, to

o fa

st. A

n in

itiat

ive

to re

plac

e al

l UD

bus

es w

ith h

orse

-dra

wn

hayr

ides

tu

rned

from

goo

d-na

ture

d, s

easo

nal f

un

to c

haos

, del

ays,

and

dest

ruct

ion.

“I w

as s

trai

ght-

up k

icke

d in

the

fore

head

,” sa

id d

issa

tisfie

d st

uden

t an

d ha

yrid

e at

-te

ndee

Jod

y M

orris

. “Li

ke, t

hat’s

how

the

rid

e st

arte

d. D

o yo

u kn

ow h

ow s

low

hay

-rid

es a

re?

Do

you

know

how

scar

y it

is b

e-in

g in

a w

oode

n ca

rt g

oing

into

onc

omin

g tr

affic?

The

shee

r nu

mbe

r of

hor

ses

on c

ampu

s ca

used

logi

stic

al p

robl

ems

ever

ywhe

re.

The

skin

ny N

ewar

k st

reet

s ca

used

tw

elve

ac

cide

nts

in t

he fi

rst

two

days

of o

pera

-tio

n. “

This

bor

ders

on

a bi

t in

hum

ane,

” sa

id N

ewar

k an

imal

con

trol

wor

ker

Ann

a G

rube

r. “M

ain

Stre

et w

as c

over

ed in

dea

d ho

rses

. I c

ould

just

see

the

pai

n in

the

ir te

arfu

l bea

dy e

yes…

I ha

ven’

t se

en t

his

man

y de

ad h

orse

s on

Mai

n St

reet

sin

ce

the

Gre

at H

allo

wee

n Pa

rade

Dis

aste

r of ’

98.”

An

autu

mn-

them

ed p

rogr

am w

hich

in-

volv

ed re

plac

ing

all t

he w

ater

in th

e w

ater

fo

unta

ins

with

war

m a

pple

cid

er w

as a

lso

canc

elle

d.

Prob

lem

s aro

se im

med

iate

ly w

ith th

e he

at-

ing

syst

em, a

s hot

cide

r orig

inal

ly ca

me

out

at a

nea

r-bo

iling

250

deg

rees

Fah

renh

eit.

“Aft

er th

ey h

ad to

put

the

hors

e do

wn

and

they

forc

ed u

s al

l off

the

hayr

ide,

I w

alke

d to

Per

kins

to g

et w

ater

bec

ause

my

head

w

as st

ill ro

ckin

g,” s

aid

Mor

ris. “

Now

my

face

is

bur

ned,

my

mou

th is

sca

lded

, and

I’m

pr

obab

ly c

oncu

ssed

.”Re

plac

ing

wat

er w

ith c

ider

was

orig

inal

ly

crit

iciz

ed f

or h

ealt

h re

ason

s, c

riti

cism

s w

hich

wer

e qu

ickl

y pr

oven

to

be v

alid

. W

ithin

two

hour

s of t

he sw

itch,

gym

-goe

rs

at th

e Li

ttle

Bob

, hyd

rate

d by

not

hing

oth

er

than

app

le c

ider

, wer

e si

ck a

nd p

roje

ctile

vo

miti

ng a

ll ac

ross

the

gym

. “I h

aven

’t se

en

this

muc

h vo

mit

on th

e flo

or o

f a u

nive

rsity

bu

ildin

g si

nce

the

Gre

at H

allo

wee

n Pa

rade

D

isas

ter o

f ’98

,” sai

d ja

nito

r Dav

id A

dam

. A

dd

itio

nally

, re

sid

ue f

rom

the

cid

er

clog

ged

and

caus

ed co

nsid

erab

le d

amag

e to

the

plum

bing

syst

em. P

ipes

bur

st in

the

Litt

le B

ob, s

endi

ng s

cald

ing

liqui

d up

on

the

sick

, mis

erab

le, a

nd b

oofin

g st

uden

ts.

“I qu

it,” s

aid

head

of U

D p

lum

bing

serv

ices

Jim

my

Troi

a up

on s

eein

g th

e gy

m.

Repo

rts

say

perh

aps

the

mos

t dan

gero

us

aspe

ct o

f th

e in

itiat

ive

was

the

att

empt

to

intr

oduc

e w

ild t

urke

ys t

o th

e ca

mpu

s ha

bita

t, w

hich

hap

pene

d to

coi

ncid

e w

ith

thei

r mat

ing

seas

on.

“So

I lea

ve P

erki

ns a

nd h

ead

out t

o St

uden

t H

ealth

Ser

vice

s, bu

t the

seco

nd I t

urn

onto

th

e G

reen

thi

s w

ild t

urke

y ju

mps

on

me

and

star

ts p

ecki

ng m

e in

the

face

. And

it

craw

ls a

ll ar

ound

me

and

star

ts t

ryin

g to

m

ate

with

me,

I th

ink.

I ha

d to

figh

t it o

ff,

but

he b

roug

ht b

acku

p, s

o I’m

figh

ting

off th

is g

ang

of tu

rkey

s an

d ev

eryo

ne ju

st

stan

ds th

ere

look

ing

and

does

not

hing

to

help

,” sai

d M

orris

.

Tour

ing

pare

nts a

nd c

hild

ren,

Fris

bee

play

-er

s, an

d sl

ack

liner

s wer

e al

l cha

sed

off th

e G

reen

by

the

terr

itoria

l bird

s, w

ho h

ad co

n-ge

aled

into

one

writ

hing

mas

s st

retc

hing

fr

om th

e fo

unta

in to

Nor

th C

entr

al.

“Thi

s is

the

mos

t tu

rkey

sex

I’ve

see

n on

the

Gre

en s

ince

the

Gre

at H

allo

wee

n Pa

-ra

de D

isas

ter o

f ’98

,” add

ed g

roun

dske

eper

Th

omas

Mur

phy.

Afte

r a lo

ng th

ree

days

, Dar

e to

be

Fall

was

ca

ncel

ed a

nd th

e ca

mpu

s tu

rned

bac

k to

no

rmal

.

“Was

it d

ange

rous

? Yes

. Do

I reg

ret i

t? S

ort

of. W

ill it

hap

pen

agai

n ne

xt y

ear?

Pro

b-ab

ly,”

said

the

initi

ativ

e’s

cham

pion

, Pre

si-

dent

Pat

rick

Har

ker.

“As m

uch

as it

phy

sica

lly m

aim

ed m

e, th

at

was

pre

tty

godd

amn

met

al,” a

dded

Mor

ris.

UD In

itiat

ive

to C

eleb

rate

Fall

Seas

onFa

ils M

iser

ably

FOLL

OW U

S @BL

ACKS

HEEP

_UD

THEB

LACK

SHEE

PONL

INE.C

OM

NOVE

MBE

R 20th,

2014

- DEC

EMBE

R 3rd

, 201

4

STOC

KHOL

M SY

NDRO

ME V

ICTIM

S AM

ONG T

HE U

PSET

.

ANNO

UNCE

D EN

D OF

DIC

KINS

ON AN

D RO

DNEY

PAGE

4

TOO

MAN

Y CAR

BS =

GET

TING

FAT =

NO

FRIEN

DS

= NO

LIFE

.

TOP 1

0: DE

PRES

SING

THIN

GS

ASSO

CIAT

ED W

ITH

THAN

KSGI

VING

PAGE

7

JUST

MEM

ORIZ

E THE

SE A

NSW

ERS A

ND KE

EP

TOPP

ING

OFF Y

OUR W

INE.

HOW

TO AV

OID T

HE W

ORST

QUE

STIO

NS

YOU’

LL B

E ASK

ED AT

THAN

KSGI

VING

PAGE

10

The

Bla

ck S

heep

Volu

me

7

Issu

e 7

The

Colle

ge N

ewsp

aper

Tha

t's A

ctua

lly A

bout

Col

lege

Free! Li

ke pumpkin

-scented

things. O

h, no,

not yet?

Okay, fine.

Paul

Moo

ney

wro

te th

is

Cards Against Humanity

Cards Against Humanity

Cards Against Humanity

Page 2: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

FOLLOW US! @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

OWNED & OPERATED BY:Black Card Media, LLC

2130 W. Potomac AvenueSuite 1, Chicago, Illinois 60622

Contact Corporate: 217.390.1747For Advertising: 608.712.0900

DISCLAIMER:The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or

supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking.

This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything

printed in this publication.

Please drink...responsibly and legally.

MEET the STAFF

CAMPUS MANAGERRebecka Talley

EDITORIAL MANAGER Courtney Paul

ADVERTISING MANAGERS Mark Calvin BrackinJulie Socolow

WRITERS Joey Glass, Dan CollinsAustin Cope, Hannah Soblo

SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERCourtney Merlo

DISTRIBUTION MANAGERAlex Beaver

CAMPUS DIRECTORBrendan Bonham

OWNERAtish Doshi

FOUNDERSAtish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Quinn Myers

[email protected]

[email protected]

(864) 477-9207(864) 477-9213LEASING OFFICE

1103-1 TIGER BOULEVARD CLEMSON, SC 29631

Page 3: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

A FEW MORE WAYS TO KILL SOME TIME.PAGE 3

PLAY WITH US! @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM

BEAT OUR CAPTION!Tweet us a better caption and win a prize!

WORD of the WEEK

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killer’s nick-name. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re

right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR!

Made comments to GQ that many perceived as homophobic.#2

Has a memoir titled, Happy, Happy, Happy. #3

Played quarterback for Louisiana Tech.#1

Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. The image to the left is a silhouette of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is. Let us know who you think it

is by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

SEX EUPHEMISM ORSERIAL KILLER NICKNAME?

THE ALASKAN FIREDRAGON

CALLANDER

A person who, when on the phone, always manages to think of one more

thing to talk about.

“…and one more thing,” Erin, a habitual callander, said, “did you hear about

Karen last week?”

“Burning Man isn’t over, is it?”

Page 4: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

Clemson

104 Finley St.reetClemson, SC 29631-1532

864-653-7764

Easley

6101-I Calhoun Mem. HwyEasley, SC 29640

864-855-1289

Greenville

20 E. Coffee StreetDowntown Greenville, SC

864-552-1541

Spartanburg

100 E. Main St.reetSpartanburg, SC 29306

864-582-2662

Check Us Out Online at Grouchos.comTIGERS TOGO.COM

Our Gift Cards Make Perfect Gifts!

Your Fast, Fresh & Original Neighborhood Deli

PAGE

4 • T

HEBL

ACKS

HEEP

ONLIN

E.COM

Look Dad, college isn’t easy like it used to be when you were in school back in the __(2)__ Period. The professors nowadays are like __(3)__ on __(4)__. Last week, I had a test in __(5)__ and __(6)__ totally screwed me over.

First off, you should know that I got __(7)__ from the __(8) __ bathrooms, and it’s practically fatal. So I was late to class because I was at Redfern, but when I gave my professor the note, he said it was worth about as much as week-old __(9)__ because the doctor said I wasn’t really sick and was just acting like a pathetic __(10)__.

My professor told me since class was already half over, I would either have to take the test at __(11)__ in only half the time of everyone else, or come back over Thanksgiving to finish the test because that was the only time he had. Naturally, I told him he was being a __(12)__ with __(13) __ on top and flung my three-week-old __(14)__at him and stormed out.

I went to administration, because if I fail this class my GPA will be deader than a __(15)__. Even though I begged, giving them my cutest __(16)__ face, they refused to override my professor’s decision! It was then, looking into their dead eyes, eyes that were as cold as __(17)__, that I knew our administrators were all really __(18)__.

So, I went back to my professor’s office hours the next day with a peace offering of __(19)__, and I groveled at his feet like a __(20)__, all traces of dignity gone. He told me to start practicing asking “__(21)__” in the mirror because that was the only job skill I needed. So that, mom and dad, is why I have decided to dropout and be-come a __(22)__.

1) Synonym for loser2) Prehistoric period

3) Horror movie villain4) Drug

5) Horrendous class subject6) Awful professor’s name

7) Foreign disease8) Tex-Mex restaurant

9) Bodily fluid10) Amphibian

11) Worst building on campus12) Embarrassing body part

13) Disgusting food14) Unusual sandwich

15) Something that is typically dead16) Baby animal

17) Really cold place18) Your favorite movie

monster (plural)19) Schilletter delicacy

20) Flightless insect21) Question you are asked

at a drive through22) Circus profession

CLUE BANKWHY I AM NOT A __(1)__, JUST MISUNDERSTOOD

THE MADLIB

Hannah Soblo wrote this

Page 5: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

PAGE 5 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

When looking for a place to study in Cooper, one pictures the usual spots. The first floor is great for quiet solo studying, while the fourth through the sixth floors host moderately-loud-group-project-discussion-slash-reality–TV-show-worthy brawls. But this close to finals, you have to be really lucky to land anything that you’re used to, and you can’t count on luck alone. With that in mind, here are some creative location alternatives for studying in Cooper.

Sit Next to Strangers: This technique is almost guaranteed to work. In an effort to remain within the realm of social acceptance, people tend to only use every other spot when it comes to desks and tables. All you need to do is break the status quo to find an open seat next to another academically-inclined Tiger. And hey, if you try to talk to that neighbor, you’ll either succeed in finding a new buddy or they’ll leave and you can scoot over—it’s a win-win.

CCIT: A quick and easy way to find a coveted chair is to pretend to wait for help at CCIT. Their chairs have some nice cushion to them and they’ll be fine as long as you can work on your lap. If necessary, the bookstore does, in fact, sell lap desks.

Beanbags: Sure, the local beanbags are nice if they’re available, but we all know they get snagged up too

quickly. But who’s to say that you’re officially excluded from the squishy, comfy fun? There’s no rule that says you can’t bring your own. Bring your own beanbag, favorite husband pillow, or blow-up mattress to the library. You pay enough money in tuition that you should be able to bring any creature comfort you like to the library.

First Floor Stacks: One of the best underground spots (pun intended) lies within the first floor dungeons, not at a desk or table, but inside the rolling bookcases. All you have to do is roll a bunch together then carve yourself a little hovel between the stacks. This is great for those who like lying on their bellies, and the metal shelves will act as a natural cooling agent to keep the study sweat from building up.

If you’re feeling really adventurous or desperate, use this technique on the upper shelves. You just need to watch for anyone who actually wants to find a book. Fortunately, students don’t use libraries for their stupid, outdated books.

Second Floor Netting: We’re all familiar with those netted screens that are supposed to separate the desks and give each student his or her privacy. We also know that you can see right through them, voiding that very purpose. So, take the supposed battlements

and section off an area for yourself. There, now they’re legitimately being used, and no one’s going to stop the insane person who’s taking all the screens; not this close to finals.

If you’re suspicious about the legitimacy of these study spots, we at The Black Sheep can attest to each of them. Their success is proven by our no-less-than-stellar writing abilities. Just look at this article. Could we write it if it wasn’t the lord’s honest truth?

Creative Study Spaces: A Guide to Cooper Library During Finals Austin Cope wrote this

LOOKING FOR A NEW HOME?The Summit at Cross Creek is the place for you!

We offer comfortable and relaxing housing with a private community atmosphere that is second to none.

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thesummitatcrosscreek.com • Find us on Facebook! SummitatCrossCreekAptsFollow us on Twitter: @summitatclemson • Follow us on Instagram: @thesummitatcrosscreek

Check us out on the App Store and Google Play: The Summit at Cross Creek • Text “SUMMIT” to 47464 for more information

Page 6: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

Twas the night before Christmas (break), when all through the houseNot a creature was stirring,

except the uncatchable mouse;It was cold as can be, as the house had no heat

And because of the dog, it did reek of raw meat.In the corner of the room stood

a Charlie Brown type of treeHe had cut it himself because that way was free.

Though he knew it illegal, he sure did not care,He could cut down a tree

just like he did his own hair.On the wall hung the lights to celebrate the season

Though they’d been up all year so maybe that wasn’t the reason.

A sock was hung on the doorknob with careIn hopes that no cockblock would enter dare.

They nestled and snuggled, the two in the bed,Not knowing what was approaching

could tear off each head;With his red coat and hat, he flew through the night

Not expecting to cause such a terrible fright;“On Dasher on Dancer on Prancer on Vixen,

This will be the best Christmas since President Nixon.

With Rudolph’s bright light, not an obstacle shall be hitOn the one night I’m away from Mrs. Tiger Claus’ shit.”

To the small town of Clemson did he finally arriveAnd at the first house did the sleigh take a dive.

Down the chimney he came with a thundering roar,

Or more like a combo of a whine and a snore.The lovers awoke,

and knew not what to say,‘Til they saw a live Tiger in the house where they lay;

They snuck back into the room without a hint of detection,But the man he was scared, and had a curious erection.

The tiger, it darted to here and to thereIt cleaned up the room, with pomp and with flair;After several long moments, the man did appear

Comforted by the pitter patter on the roof from reindeer.

He went up to the tiger, afraid for his life,Though under his cloak, he hid a big deadly knife;

Just before he did strike, the tiger turned roundAnd the man could not believe

what on earth he had found.“Come on out,” said the man to his girl“An amazing event is about to unfurl;”

They looked before them, not believing what they could see,

That the big, vicious tiger put gifts under the tree.

“A skateboard for Scott and a Barbie for Kim,But Drew’s on the naughty list, so nothing for him.

A tie for Pop-pop and an Xbox for TomWho hopes to make a friend to

replace his dear mom.Last but not least, here is some food

for your holiday feast,And a flask for old dad who cooks the roast beast.”

“Who are you,” they asked, trying not to sound coy,“I’m Tiger Claus,” he said, “here to bring

Christmas joy.”But before they could even react to the news,

He was gone in a flash, leaving them with the blues;They told everyone about him,

told Frank and told Tim,

So great was their joy, they even told Jim.“It was Clemson Tiger Santa,

he was here with his pup;It’s now Christmas break, so let’s all get fucked up.”

A VISIT FROM TIGER CLAUS

Dan Collins wrote this

‘TIS THE SEASON

The Tigers were nestled, all snug in their beds, while visions of these things below danced in their heads. Clemson has a lot to be thankful for this Christmas, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a short little wish list. So, here it is: The top 10 presents Clemson is wishing for this Christmas.

10.) A Parking Garage: Or maybe seven. Unless Santa can lend us each a personal reindeer, we’re go-ing to need parking that doesn’t require us to walk five miles to our actual destination. If we wanted to go hiking, we’d drive to Table Rock, not to R1.

9.) Renewed Elevator Safety Compliance Cards: Because there is simply no way that the campus elevators are fully functional. It should be a ten-second journey, not a ten-minute crawl with a few ter-rifying jolts in between. By the time you reach your floor, you may as well have taken the stairs; you’re just as late and just as sweaty.

8.) A Restaurant Not Specializing in Sandwiches: We already have a Groucho’s, a Subway, a Jimmy Johns, another Subway, a Pita Pit, a McAlister’s, and the list goes on and on. It’s time for us Tigers to ex-pand the horizons of our taste buds and get rid of our deli-bellies. Unless you’d rather give us a Panera, Santa. We will settle for a Panera.

7.) A Few “Get Out of Jail Free” Cards: For our fine frater-nity fellows, we need a few freebies from whatever suspension or moratorium or pro-bation each may face. They’ve suffered long enough. Christmas is the time for holi-day cheer, and how can we show holi-day cheer if we can’t throw the annual Po-lar Bros and Eskihoes party?

6.) A Yik Yak User Re-veal: We need a little drama this year. As if the anonymous messages themselves didn’t already create enough strife, a total unmasking of participants would propel us on to World War III. We can finally see who’s posting about that one fraternity, unless it’s that one fraternity posting about themselves.

5.) A Magic School Bus: We’re talking about a bus to cure all of our large-scale transpo needs. No more pledge rides? Magic School Bus. CAT bus doesn’t stop at your apartment? Magic School Bus. And let’s not forget the football team; they deserve to ride in style to the hill, not in a old, smelly “tradition-bred” Young bus.

4.) Communal Name Recognition for a Certain Bar: Is it Larry’s? Is it Friar’s? Is it Flip Flops? We need some clarity. Some closure. A name that will remain as consistent as the levels of intoxication sustained at its very heart.

3.) More Machines: Fike is great for cardio… if you’re one of the first 20 people to get there. Clemson needs to invest in a few new ellipticals; haven’t they seen how many girls went through sorority recruit-ment this year? It was a record high, which directly correlates with a record high demand for ellipticals.

2.) A Generation Gap Filler: Why should we, as 21st century-goers, be exposed to the travesty of the chalkboard when there’s a shiny blackboard right next to it just begging to be used instead? Why shouldn’t we expect an email reply within 30 seconds toting a “Sent from my iPhone” signature? It’s time to bring our older Clemson professors out of the AIM era and introduce them to Facebook Mes-senger.

1.) A Live Mascot: Hell, even the University of Memphis has a live tiger, and they’re in the American Conference. Think of the increase in revenue it could bring to our school, not to mention the predict-able increase of tiger emoji Instagram opportunities. A world with more tiger emojis – and school funding, sure – is a better world indeed.

Presents Clemson Needs This Christmas

THE TOP TEN

Clemson Staff wrote this

Page 7: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

Hey there, ya big, tubby bowl of __(1)__, how ya doing? If you are who you say you are, you know I haven’t come by the mall to talk to you since I was __(2)__, but it’s been a rough year, and I really need you to knock Christmas out of the park this year.

Let me start by saying, is that a __(3)__in your pocket, or you just happy to see me? Seems so __(4)__ I could hang an orna-ment off it, am I right, you big, virile badass?

This year I’m going to want a __(5)__, but not one of the cheap ones, one with plenty of __(6)__and __(7)__and everything. I actually have one on my Amazon Wish List, so just log in and check it out. I’m also going to want a __(8)__, a bottle of __(9)__and a lifetime supply of __(10)__. Hey fat man, don’t give me that look, that elf over there told me this is a __(11)__-free zone.

It’s not just that I want a lot of good stuff, I think my family deserves what’s comin’ to them, too. Get my mom a __(12)__for that time she didn’t get me a __(13)__for Christmas in 2003. Get my sister a __(14)__to remind her of the time she told my mom about __(15)__ in the basement when I was in high school. Karma’s a bitch, aye __(16)__? Finally, get my stepdad Todd a nice big pile of __(17)__. Just ‘cause you get to stuff it in my mom doesn’t mean you get to enjoy the holiday spirit, not with me around.

Sorry you jolly bastard, there’s a flock of moms giving me the side-eye over there, so I’ll hop off to let a little __(18)__ hop on and __(19)__on your outfit. Sure you’ll love that. Also, Santa, remember, you better get me everything, I know where you live, and I will __(20)__you.

1. Kind euphemism for fat2. Age you last visited a mall Santa

3. Christmas item 4. Adjective

5. Expensive present 6. Feature on #5

7. Feature found on #5 8. Cheap present

9. Something that comes in a bottle 10. Noun

11. Noun 12. Bad gift

13. Hot 2003 Christmas items 14. Karmic gift

15. Illicit high school activity 16. Sister name

17. Something gross 18. Small child synonym

19. Expulsion of bodily fluid 20. Verb

CLUE BANK

the madlib SITTING ON SANTA’S LAP

07

What do you wish you had told yourself on the first day of the semester?

ON THE STREETS

TREVOR, GRAD STUDENT “Run.”

KATIE, JUNIOR “Not all professors are the same.”

JENNY, JUNIOR “Don’t take that extra 3 hour class.

Just don’t.”

Page 8: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

THE GRID

SPECIAL NIGHTFRIDAY! $6 Liquor Pitchers (During Happy Hour Only)

$1.50 Mystery Beers, DJ Sha!

$9.50 Liquor Pitchers Monday - Saturday! $3 Well Drinks Every Day!

Happy Hour 4pm-7pm Mon - Fri

$4 Jager, $3 Fireball $5 Jack Daniels, 1/2 Price Apps

THURSDAY$3.56 Sushi Rolls,

Wine Tasting at 9pm, $6 Bottles of Champagne

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or $8.75

Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers, Happy Hour Mon-Fri:

$9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Trivia at 8pm!1st place gets $25 cash

and $25 gift card

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

FRIDAY$6 Liquor Pitchers

(During Happy Hour Only) $1.50 Mystery Beers, DJ Sha!

$2.50 Fireball ShotsHappy Hour Monday - Friday:

$4.75 PBR Pitchers, $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

$3 Well Drinks Every Day!

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

SATURDAY Join us for flatbread specials and college football!

$2.50 Fireball Shots$9.50 Liquor Pitchers

College Football on 20 HD TVs

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft, $4 Long Islands and Blue Motorcycles$13.99 All You Can Eat Wings

(excl. home games)

SUNDAY ClosedService Industry Night!

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers & random specials

NFL Sunday Ticketon 20 HD TVs

Book your next party at Larry’s!

MONDAY All You Can Eat Sushi

Half price appetizers$8 for a Dozen Wings,

$1 PBR$9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Burger Mondays! $4.99 Burger & Fries

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft, $4 Long Islands and Blue Motorcycles$13.99 All You Can Eat Wings

During MNF

TUESDAY Follow us on Twitter!@CUHangover

$5.75 Large Pizza, $1 PBR$5 Bud Light Pitchers

Happy Hour Monday - Friday: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Taco Tuesday! $4.99 Taco Backets, $1 12oz Blue Moons

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

WEDNESDAY Check us out on Instagram!@356Sushi

Yeungs and Wings! $5 Yeungling Pitchers, $1 PBR

$6.75 for a Dozen WingsHappy Hour Mon-Fri: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

$9.99 Pizza, $0.60 wings, $0.50 12oz PBR

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

THURSDAY$3.56 Sushi Rolls,

Wine Tasting at 9pm, $6 Bottles of Champagne

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or $8.75

Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers,

Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Trivia at 8pm!1st place gets $25 cash

and $25 gift card

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

SELL US your gently used clothing, shoes and accessories! We price your items based on brand, style and condition.Then, we make you an offer for cash on the spot.

864-224-8839 112 Station DriveAnderson, SC 29621PlatosClosetAnderson.com

CASHon the spot

Page 9: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

OVERTIME PALMETTO’SSmokehouse & Oyster Bar

THE GRID

THURSDAYSOvertime Trivia, 9pm

Win $100 Bar Tab!

Tuesday & Saturday:LOW COUNTRY BOIL NIGHT! Get low with PSHOB’s famous

low country boil recipe.

FRIDAY!24 Wings and Pitcher

of Beer for $14.99

Wednesdays: Trivia @ 10pm!

TUESDAY$4 Burgers!

SPECIALNIGHT

Enjoy Our 20 Beers on Tap!

Open 7 Days a Week: Backstreet at 11:30AM, Overtime

(Backstreet Basement) at 6!)

Need a PARTY SPOT? Rent Palmetto’s EVENT Center Call 864-810-7339 ext 3 and get $50 off your next rental with the

keyword “Black Sheep”

Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm Go Tigers!

$6 House Liquor and Draft Beer Pitchers (4-8pm)

DJ Sha! THURS.

$7.50 Bottles of White Wine & Champagne

$5.50 32oz Liquor Pitchers Open 7 Days a Week at 6PM

NEW! 6 under $6 lunch menu served 11:30am-2pm M-F.

24 Wings and Pitcher of Beer for $14.99 Service, Service, Service $6 Chef’s Special FRIDAY

$7.50 Bottles of White Wine & Champagne

$5.50 32oz Liquor Pitchers Open 7 Days a Week at 6PM

Open 8am for our NEW BIG EASY BRUNCH! From 8am - 2pm

$10 Bottomless Mimosas Low Country Boil 5PM Follow us on Twitter!

$0.50 Wings All Day! Your Tigers Headquarters! College football on our 101 inch projector! SATURDAY

NFL Sunday Ticket! Sunday App. Specials! Enjoy Our 20 Beers on Tap

$7.50 Bottles of White Wine & Champagne,

$5.50 32oz Liquor Pitchers

Open 8am for our NEW BIG EASY BRUNCH! Try the best hangover cure:

Big-n-nasty biscuit, frittatas, wraps, omelettes, creamy grits, beignets, and waffles! Catch Bill’s NFL Action Here -

Go Sammy & CJ!

Follow us on Twitter! @TDsFoodAndDrink

Visit the Top of Tiger Town Tavern’s Private Club!

Follow us on Twitter to hear about daily specials!

@CUWingsSUNDAY

Enjoy Our 20 Beers on Tap! $5.50 32oz Liquor Pitchers

Clemson’s best place to take a date! Try the “Haystack”, a totally sharable

mound of fries or fritos covered in deliciousness!

Oyster Fest & Shrimp Jam Every Monday Starting at 5!

All You Can Eat Wings! Stiffest drinks in town!Where the Big Tigers Play...

Check out our Instagram!@CUWinginIt MONDAY

Yup, Still Private! $7.50 Bottles of White Wine

& Champagne

LOW COUNTRY BOIL NIGHT! Get low with PSHOB’s famous low country boil recipe. Like us

on Facebook for weekly specials and competitions.

Karaoke With Fred Rock Bingo at 10pm! $4 Burgers TUESDAY

$7.50 Bottles of White Wine & Champagne

$5.50 32oz Liquor Pitchers

NEW! 6 under $6 lunch menu served 11:30am-2pm M-F.

Say “You saw it in The Black Sheep” and get a

FREE PSHOB Bumper sticker.

$1 Burger Night Trivia at 10pm! Buy 1/2 pounds of wings, get a 1/2 pound FREE! WED.

Enjoy Our 20 Beers on Tap!

Open 7 Days a Week: Backstreet at 11:30AM, Overtime

(Backstreet Basement) at 6!)

Need a PARTY SPOT? Rent Palmetto’s EVENT Center Call 864-810-7339 ext 3 and get $50 off your next rental with the

keyword “Black Sheep”

Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm

Stiffest drinks in town!Where the Big Tigers Play...

$6 House Liquor and Draft Beer Pitchers (4-8pm)

DJ Sha! THURS.

FOLLOW US ON

Twitter @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM

Page 10: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

ABLACK SHEEP

GUIDEWhat’s the best way for you to

Page 11: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

procrastinate for finals week?A

BLACK SHEEPGUIDE

Page 12: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

clemson’s best mexican food!

SPEND $10 get $2 off

buy 2 Terraburritos get $3 off

open late tuesday, thursday and friday!

1062 Tiger Blvd. • Clemson, SC • (864) 654-8006

Yellow Cab is your local, friendly, and dependable cab service!

OPEN 24/7 IN CLEMSON864.882.3454

1) December Dates: What award, named after the eponymous man’s death, is given yearly on his birthday, December 10th?

2) Hanukkah: How many days is Hanukkah celebrated?

3) Christmas Carols: What famous carol contains the lines, “Not only green when summer’s here/But also when it’s cold and drear”?

4) Fad Gifts: Christmas 2004 saw Billy, who sang, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” What was Billy?

5) Holiday Movies: This 2003 holiday Christmas hit originally had Jim Carrey attached to play the lead role.

6) Candy: Peppermint is a hybrid mint, a cross between watermint and what other kind of mint?

7) 2015: What 80s classic has a trio arriving to October 21st, 2015?

8) The Bible: According to the Bible, in what city was Jesus born?

9) Festivus: The Festivus Feats of Strength ends when this happens to the head of the household.

10) New Year’s Eve: What city hosts an annual “Peach Drop” on New Year’s Eve?

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN?

ALEX PECK, COMPUTER SCIENCE LAB TA

Alex’s Answers Correct Answers

1) Heisman 2) Thirteen 3) “O Christmas Tree” 4) Fish 5) Next 6) Breath mint 7) Back to the Future II

8) Bethlehem 9) When they gethit with a Festivus Pole 10) Atlanta

1) Nobel Prize 2) Eight 3) “O Christmas Tree”4) Bass, or Big Mouth Bass 5) Elf

6) Spearmint 7) Back to the Future II8) Bethlehem 9) He or she is pinned 10) Atlanta

SCORE3 out of 10

Page 13: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

Resort Style Student Housingthepieratclemson.com • 864.654.7549

440 Edinburgh Way • Seneca, South Carolina

State-of-the-art clubhouse with large fitness center, lounge area, tanning beds, pool tables, and more!

Walking trails with panoramic views to our very own pier!

Private shuttle service to and from Campus

Award-winning Luxury Pool, Outdoor Fire PitBasketball Court and Sand Volleyball Court

Page 14: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

THE SEEK AND FIND

THE BEST GLASS AND

BODY PIERCINGS IN CLEMSON

Follow us on Instagram | fb.com/ClemsonTheEdge1393 Tiger Blvd. Suite #130 | (864) 653-4545

If you’ve ever read The Black Sheep and thought,

“Man, I could write something better than this s*!t.” then

BECOME A WRITER.

We’re looking for talented and original writers

for our publication. Apply today at

theblacksheeponline.com

Print • Mobile • Online

Page 15: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014

PUB AND GRILL

WEDNESDAYS: YEUNGS AND WINGS! $6.75 FOR A DOZEN WINGS • $5 YEUNGLING PITCHERS • $1 PBR

WIN$100 BAR TAB

>

>

THURSDAY NIGHT TRIVIA!

1) Which movie/TV series are you most likely to binge-watch during a day-long “study break” on finals week?a) Dexterb) House of Cardsc) Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen

2) It’s Thursday, where should you be?a) 356 for a sushi special.b) Wingin’ It, for cheap liquor pitchers.c) Cooper

3) What is your intended major?a) Some science word followed by engineering.b) Some type of Business (probably management).c) Some eccentric artsy major we can’t name but know has to exist, even at an ag school. Uh…accent design?

4) You could most easily imagine your profes-sor having which hobby?a) Running a drug cartel.b) Being in a coven of witches / “the dark arts.”c) Diving.

5) What are your plans for the upcoming win-ter break?a) Traveling out of the country.b) Avoid human contact at all costs, even if it means hiding in the “closed for break” dorms.c) Going to the beach (or the Bronze Tiger).

6) Which was your favorite activity as a kid?a) Hide–and-seek.b) Sharks and minnows.c) Tattling on your siblings.

7) You just ran into an ex walking around cam-pus. Do you…a) Become a chameleon—a ninja—a shadow. You vanish into the mist.b) Quickly make out with whoever is closest, to show you’ve moved on.c) Throw a wink their way. You know they still want some.

8) What’s your favorite off-campus place to party?a) Downtownb) Chimney Ridgec) Aspen Heights

the HOW WILL YOU DRAMATICALLY AVOID FINALS? quiz

8-13: HIDE IN THE LAKE: You are bold and courageous, and would much rather take to the high seas than try to take your finals. Adventure is what you really crave, so why sit through a boring exam when you can live among the fish and the female row-ers? The lake is a great place to go chill out for a few days while the rest of the world stresses itself out with coffee and Adderall binges.

14-19: GET YOUR TEACHER DEPORTED: Your political knowhow and manipulative nature are perfect for pulling off this dastardly deed. You can get rid of the evil professor that dared to daunt your class with a dreaded exam. You read some Machiavelli in that philosophy course you took freshman year, and are now eager to get your hands dirty.

20-24: STAGE YOUR OWN DEATH: A master sleuth, you were a ninja or super spy in a past life. You slide beneath the radar, are undetectable to the oblivious, and are comfortable disappear-ing without a trace. You’ll just use one of your fake IDs to start a new life, Jason Bourne-style. If it works at TTTs, it will work at the TSA checkpoint, right?

1) A-1, B-2, C-32) A-2, B-3, C-1

3) A-3, B-2, C-14) A-2, B-3, C-1

5) A-2, B-1, C-36) A-3, B-2, C-1

7) A-1, B-2, C-38) A-1, B-3, C-2ANSWER KEY:

Page 16: Clemson - Issue 8 - 12/4/2014