Christian courtship 4

Christian Christian CourtshipCourtship

What is Christ waiting for?What is Christ waiting for?

Christ is waiting with longing Christ is waiting with longing desire for the manifestation of desire for the manifestation of Himself in His church. When Himself in His church. When the the character of Christ shall be character of Christ shall be perfectly reproduced in His perfectly reproduced in His peoplepeople, then He will come to claim , then He will come to claim them as His own. them as His own.

Christ’s Object Lessons 69Christ’s Object Lessons 69

We are going to cover the We are going to cover the following points:following points:

What not to do when it comes to What not to do when it comes to courtship and marriage.courtship and marriage.

How to conduct courtshipHow to conduct courtship What to look for in a husbandWhat to look for in a husband

Misery and woe from Misery and woe from marriagemarriage

He (Satan) is busily engaged in He (Satan) is busily engaged in influencing those who are influencing those who are wholly wholly unsuitedunsuited to each other to unite their to each other to unite their interests. He exults in this work, for interests. He exults in this work, for by it he can produce by it he can produce more misery more misery and hopeless woeand hopeless woe to the human to the human family than by exercising his skill in family than by exercising his skill in any other direction. any other direction.

2T 2482T 248

Love of ChristLove of Christ

The The heart yearns for human love, but this heart yearns for human love, but this love is not strong enoughlove is not strong enough, or pure enough, or , or pure enough, or precious enough to supply the place of the love of precious enough to supply the place of the love of Jesus. Jesus. Only in her SaviourOnly in her Saviour can the wife find wisdom, can the wife find wisdom, strength, and grace to meet the cares, strength, and grace to meet the cares, responsibilities, and sorrows of life. She should make responsibilities, and sorrows of life. She should make Him her strength and her guide. Him her strength and her guide.

Let woman give herself to Christ before Let woman give herself to Christ before giving herself to any earthly friendgiving herself to any earthly friend, and , and enter enter into no relation which shall conflict with thisinto no relation which shall conflict with this. . Those who would find true happiness must have the Those who would find true happiness must have the blessing of Heaven upon all that they possess and all blessing of Heaven upon all that they possess and all that they do. It is that they do. It is disobedience to Goddisobedience to God that that fills so fills so many hearts and homes with miserymany hearts and homes with misery. .

AH 67AH 67

Erroneous ideas of courtshipErroneous ideas of courtship

The ideas of courtship have their The ideas of courtship have their foundation in erroneous ideas concerning foundation in erroneous ideas concerning marriage. They marriage. They follow impulse and blind follow impulse and blind passionpassion. The courtship is carried on in a . The courtship is carried on in a spirit of flirtation. The parties frequently spirit of flirtation. The parties frequently violate the rules of modesty and reserve and violate the rules of modesty and reserve and are are guilty of indiscretionguilty of indiscretion, if they do not , if they do not break the law of God. The high, noble, lofty break the law of God. The high, noble, lofty design of God in the institution of marriage design of God in the institution of marriage is not discerned; therefore the purest is not discerned; therefore the purest affections of the heart, the noblest traits of affections of the heart, the noblest traits of character are not developed. character are not developed.

AH 55AH 55

Courtship today….Courtship today….

The youth The youth trusttrust altogether too much altogether too much to impulseto impulse. They should not give . They should not give themselves away too easily, nor be themselves away too easily, nor be captivated too readily by the winning captivated too readily by the winning exterior of the lover. Courtship as carried on exterior of the lover. Courtship as carried on in this age is a in this age is a scheme of deception and scheme of deception and hypocrisyhypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls , with which the enemy of souls has far more to do than the Lord. Good has far more to do than the Lord. Good common sense is needed here if anywhere; common sense is needed here if anywhere; but the fact is, it has little to do in the but the fact is, it has little to do in the matter. matter. MH 359MH 359

Holy angels are watchingHoly angels are watching

Not one word should be spoken, Not one word should be spoken, not one action performed, that you not one action performed, that you would not be willing the holy angels would not be willing the holy angels should look uponshould look upon and register in the and register in the books above. You should have an eye books above. You should have an eye single to the glory of God. The heart single to the glory of God. The heart should have only pure, sanctified should have only pure, sanctified affection, worthy of the followers of Jesus affection, worthy of the followers of Jesus Christ, exalted in its nature, and more Christ, exalted in its nature, and more heavenly than earthly. heavenly than earthly. AH AH 5555

Unwise marriagesUnwise marriages

We can see that innumerable We can see that innumerable difficulties meet us at every step. The difficulties meet us at every step. The iniquity that is cherishediniquity that is cherished by young as by young as well as old; the well as old; the unwise, unsanctified unwise, unsanctified courtship and marriagescourtship and marriages cannot fail to cannot fail to result in bickerings, in strife, in alienations, result in bickerings, in strife, in alienations, in indulgence of unbridled passions, in in indulgence of unbridled passions, in unfaithfulness of husbands and wives, unfaithfulness of husbands and wives, unwillingness to restrain the self-unwillingness to restrain the self-willed, inordinate desires, and in willed, inordinate desires, and in indifference to the things of eternal indifference to the things of eternal interestinterest. . . . . . . . AH 53 - 4AH 53 - 4

Early marriagesEarly marriages

Early marriages are not to be Early marriages are not to be encouragedencouraged. A relation so important as marriage . A relation so important as marriage and so far-reaching in its results should not be and so far-reaching in its results should not be entered upon hastily, entered upon hastily, without sufficient without sufficient preparation, and before the mental and preparation, and before the mental and physical powers are well developedphysical powers are well developed..… The ..… The young affections should be restrained until the young affections should be restrained until the period arrives when sufficient age and experience period arrives when sufficient age and experience will make it honourable and safe to unfetter them. will make it honourable and safe to unfetter them. Those who will not be restrained will be in danger Those who will not be restrained will be in danger of dragging out an unhappy existence.of dragging out an unhappy existence. A youth A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for lifehis companion for life. AH 79. AH 79

Satan is busySatan is busy

Immature marriages are productive of a vast Immature marriages are productive of a vast amount of the evils that exist todayamount of the evils that exist today….Many youth ….Many youth act from impulse. This step, which affects them act from impulse. This step, which affects them seriously for good or ill, to be a lifelong blessing or seriously for good or ill, to be a lifelong blessing or curse, is too often taken hastily, under the impulse of curse, is too often taken hastily, under the impulse of sentiment. sentiment.

Satan is constantly busySatan is constantly busy to hurry inexperienced to hurry inexperienced youth into a marriage alliance. But the less we glory in youth into a marriage alliance. But the less we glory in the marriages which are now taking place, the better. the marriages which are now taking place, the better.

In consequence of hasty marriages, even among the In consequence of hasty marriages, even among the professed people of God, there are professed people of God, there are separations, separations, divorces, and great confusion in the churchdivorces, and great confusion in the church. AH . AH 8080

Marriage with unbeliever?Marriage with unbeliever?

My sister, unless you would have a My sister, unless you would have a home where the shadows are never lifted, home where the shadows are never lifted, do do not unite yourself with one who is an not unite yourself with one who is an enemy of Godenemy of God. . AH 67AH 67

NeverNever should God's people venture should God's people venture upon forbidden ground. upon forbidden ground. Marriage between Marriage between believers and unbelievers is forbidden believers and unbelievers is forbidden by Godby God.. But too often the unconverted heart But too often the unconverted heart follows its own desires, and marriages follows its own desires, and marriages unsanctioned by God are formed. unsanctioned by God are formed.

AH 63AH 63

Life of miseryLife of miseryMen and women who are otherwise Men and women who are otherwise

sensible and conscientious sensible and conscientious close their close their ears to counselears to counsel; they are deaf to the ; they are deaf to the appeals and entreaties of friends and appeals and entreaties of friends and kindred and of the servants of God. …….. kindred and of the servants of God. …….. Reason lets fall the reins of self-control Reason lets fall the reins of self-control upon the neck of lust; unsanctified passion upon the neck of lust; unsanctified passion bears sway, until, too late, bears sway, until, too late, the victim the victim awakens to a life of misery and awakens to a life of misery and bondagebondage. This is not a picture drawn by . This is not a picture drawn by the imagination, but a recital of facts. the imagination, but a recital of facts. God's sanction is not given to unions God's sanction is not given to unions which He has expressly forbiddenwhich He has expressly forbidden. .

AH 61AH 61

Win unbeliever to the truth?Win unbeliever to the truth?

I have been shown the cases of some I have been shown the cases of some who profess to believe the truth, who have who profess to believe the truth, who have made a great mistake by marrying made a great mistake by marrying unbelievers. The unbelievers. The hope was cherished by hope was cherished by them that the unbelieving party would them that the unbelieving party would embrace the truthembrace the truth; but after his object is ; but after his object is gained, he is further from the truth than gained, he is further from the truth than before. And then begin before. And then begin the subtle the subtle workings, the continued efforts, of the workings, the continued efforts, of the enemy to draw away the believing one enemy to draw away the believing one from the faithfrom the faith. .

4T 5044T 504

Keeping late hoursKeeping late hours

The The habit of sitting up late at habit of sitting up late at nightnight is customary; but it is is customary; but it is not not pleasing to Godpleasing to God, even if you are both , even if you are both Christians. These untimely hours injure Christians. These untimely hours injure health, unfit the mind for the next day's health, unfit the mind for the next day's duties, and have an appearance of evil. duties, and have an appearance of evil. My brother, I hope you will have self-My brother, I hope you will have self-respect enough to respect enough to shun this form of shun this form of courtshipcourtship. .

AH 56AH 56

Making Angels blushMaking Angels blush

You were shown me You were shown me in her society in her society hours of the nighthours of the night; you know best in what ; you know best in what manner these hours were spent. You called manner these hours were spent. You called on me to speak whether you had broken on me to speak whether you had broken God's commandments. I ask you, Have you God's commandments. I ask you, Have you not broken them? How was your time not broken them? How was your time employed hours together night after night? employed hours together night after night? Were your position, your attitude, Were your position, your attitude, your affections such that you would your affections such that you would want them all registered in the Ledger want them all registered in the Ledger of Heavenof Heaven? I saw, I heard things that ? I saw, I heard things that would make would make angels blushangels blush….….

Physical contact before Physical contact before marriage?marriage?

……....No young man should do as you No young man should do as you have done to Carol unless married to have done to Carol unless married to herher; and I was much surprised to see that ; and I was much surprised to see that you did not sense this matter more keenly. I you did not sense this matter more keenly. I write now to implore you for your soul's write now to implore you for your soul's sake to dally with temptation no longer. sake to dally with temptation no longer. Make short work in breaking this spell that Make short work in breaking this spell that like a fearful nightmare has brooded over like a fearful nightmare has brooded over you. you. Cut yourself loose now and Cut yourself loose now and foreverforever, if you have any desire for the , if you have any desire for the favour of God.favour of God.

LYL 70LYL 70

To summarise:To summarise:

Do not follow blind impulse and Do not follow blind impulse and passionpassion

Do not marry too young – teens is Do not marry too young – teens is too youngtoo young

Do not marry an unbelieverDo not marry an unbeliever Do not stay up late togetherDo not stay up late together Do not have physical contact in Do not have physical contact in

courtship (adultery?)courtship (adultery?)

How to conduct courtship and what How to conduct courtship and what qualities to look for in a future qualities to look for in a future husbandhusband

Pray 4 times a day – let God Pray 4 times a day – let God choosechoose

If men and women are in the habit of If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should marriage, they should pray four timespray four times a a day when such a step is anticipated. day when such a step is anticipated. Marriage is something that will influence and Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and in the affect your life, both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that himself, but will feel that God must choose God must choose for himfor him. We are not to please ourselves, for . We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself.Christ pleased not Himself.

God-fearing parentsGod-fearing parents

If you are blessed with God-If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons which their plans, learn the lessons which their life experiences have taught, and life experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache. you will be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your Above all, make Christ your counselor. {MH 359.2} counselor. {MH 359.2}

Aid of parentsAid of parents

What a contrast between the course of What a contrast between the course of Isaac and that pursued by the youth of our Isaac and that pursued by the youth of our time, even among professed Christians! time, even among professed Christians! Young people too often feel that the Young people too often feel that the bestowal of their affections is a matter bestowal of their affections is a matter in which self alone should be consultedin which self alone should be consulted----a matter that neither God nor their parents a matter that neither God nor their parents should in any wise control. Long before they should in any wise control. Long before they have reached manhood or womanhood, they have reached manhood or womanhood, they think themselves competent to make their think themselves competent to make their own choice, own choice, without the aid of their without the aid of their parentsparents.…. .…. AH 80AH 80

Consulting parentsConsulting parents"Should parents," you ask, "select a "Should parents," you ask, "select a

companion without regard to the mind or companion without regard to the mind or feelings of son or daughter?" I put the feelings of son or daughter?" I put the question to you as it should be: question to you as it should be: Should a Should a son or daughter select a companion son or daughter select a companion without first consulting the parentswithout first consulting the parents, , when such a step must materially affect when such a step must materially affect the happiness of parents if they have any the happiness of parents if they have any affection for their children? And should affection for their children? And should that child, notwithstanding the counsel that child, notwithstanding the counsel and entreaties of his parents, persist in and entreaties of his parents, persist in following his own course? ………following his own course? ………

………….I answer decidedly: .I answer decidedly: No; not if he No; not if he never marriesnever marries. The fifth commandment . The fifth commandment forbids such a course. "Honor thy father and forbids such a course. "Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." Here is a commandment with a promise Here is a commandment with a promise which the Lord will surely fulfill to those who which the Lord will surely fulfill to those who obey. obey. Wise parents will never select Wise parents will never select companions for their children without companions for their children without respect to their wishesrespect to their wishes. . AH 75AH 75

Happiness of parentsHappiness of parentsThen as they (children) come to maturity, Then as they (children) come to maturity,

they should in their turn try to they should in their turn try to be a comfort and be a comfort and blessing to their parentsblessing to their parents. . They should not be They should not be too ready to leave the parental roof and give too ready to leave the parental roof and give their affections and services to a stranger, at their affections and services to a stranger, at the very time when they are most needed at the very time when they are most needed at homehome. .

Parents are entitled to the love of their Parents are entitled to the love of their children; and if the children would manifest in their children; and if the children would manifest in their words and acts more affection for the parents, it words and acts more affection for the parents, it would be a blessing to both. Every kind attention is would be a blessing to both. Every kind attention is appreciated by parents. Before a marriage appreciated by parents. Before a marriage contract is made, every young person should contract is made, every young person should look look carefully to see how his or her absence from carefully to see how his or her absence from home will affect the happiness of the home will affect the happiness of the parentsparents. Do they in their age of feebleness need . Do they in their age of feebleness need the help that you alone can give them? Think the help that you alone can give them? Think carefully in regard to who has the strongest claims carefully in regard to who has the strongest claims upon you. upon you. RH, RH, February 2, 1886February 2, 1886

Attracted by qualitiesAttracted by qualities

True love is a high and holy True love is a high and holy principleprinciple, altogether different in character , altogether different in character from that love which is awakened by from that love which is awakened by impulse, and which suddenly dies when impulse, and which suddenly dies when severely tested. severely tested. AH 50AH 50

True love is True love is not a strong, fiery, not a strong, fiery, impetuous passionimpetuous passion. On the contrary, it is . On the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. calm and deep in its nature. It looks It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities aloneby qualities alone. It is wise and . It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding. abiding. AH 51AH 51

True loveTrue love

In all the deportment of one who In all the deportment of one who possesses possesses true lovetrue love, the grace of God will , the grace of God will be shown. be shown. Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, and religionmorality, and religion will characterize will characterize every step toward an alliance in marriage. every step toward an alliance in marriage. Those who are thus controlled will not be Those who are thus controlled will not be absorbed in each other's society, at a loss of absorbed in each other's society, at a loss of interest in the prayer meeting and the interest in the prayer meeting and the religious service. religious service. Their fervor for the Their fervor for the truth will not dietruth will not die on account of the neglect on account of the neglect of the opportunities and privileges that God of the opportunities and privileges that God has graciously given to them. AH 50 - 1has graciously given to them. AH 50 - 1

Reasons for marriageReasons for marriage

I told her she should consider I told her she should consider the the object of a marriageobject of a marriage with you, with you, whether by such a step you could whether by such a step you could both glorify Godboth glorify God; whether you ; whether you would would be more spiritualbe more spiritual; and ; and whether your lives would whether your lives would be more be more usefuluseful. . LYL 21LYL 21

The future husbandThe future husband

Let a young woman accept as a life Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is traits of character, one who is diligent, diligent, aspiring, and honestaspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears , one who loves and fears God. God. AH 47AH 47

DiligentDiligent - - Steady and earnest in application (to Steady and earnest in application (to business); constant in effort or exertion to business); constant in effort or exertion to accomplish what is undertaken, not idle or accomplish what is undertaken, not idle or negligentnegligent

AspiringAspiring – to desire eagerly/aim or strive for high – to desire eagerly/aim or strive for high thingsthings

HonestHonest – truthful, upright, unpretentious – truthful, upright, unpretentious

Is he worthy?Is he worthy?Before giving her hand in marriage, Before giving her hand in marriage,

every woman should inquire whether he with every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthyworthy. .

What has been his past record? What has been his past record? Is his Is his life purelife pure? ? Is the love which he expresses of a Is the love which he expresses of a noble, noble,

elevated characterelevated character, or is it a mere , or is it a mere emotional fondness? emotional fondness?

Has he the traits of character that will make Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? her happy?

Can she find true peace and joy in his Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? affection?

Will she be Will she be allowed to preserve her allowed to preserve her individualityindividuality, or must her judgment and , or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? . . . her husband? . . .

Can she honor the Saviour's claims as Can she honor the Saviour's claims as supreme? supreme?

Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy? be preserved pure and holy?

These questions have a vital bearing upon These questions have a vital bearing upon the well-being of every woman who enters the well-being of every woman who enters the marriage relation. the marriage relation.

AH AH 4747

How does he treat his How does he treat his mother?mother?

Let the woman who desires a peaceful, Let the woman who desires a peaceful, happy union, who would escape future misery happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow, inquire before she yields her and sorrow, inquire before she yields her affections, affections,

Has my lover a motherHas my lover a mother? ? What is the stamp of her character? What is the stamp of her character? Does he recognize his obligations to her? Does he recognize his obligations to her? Is he mindful of her wishes and happinessIs he mindful of her wishes and happiness? ? If he does not respect and honor his mother, will If he does not respect and honor his mother, will

he he manifest respect and love, kindness and manifest respect and love, kindness and attention, toward his wifeattention, toward his wife? ?

When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still? Will he be me still? Will he be patient with my mistakespatient with my mistakes, , or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial? or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial?

True affection will overlook many mistakes; love True affection will overlook many mistakes; love will not discern them. will not discern them. AH 47AH 47

How is he with money?How is he with money?

No man is excusable for being without No man is excusable for being without financial abilityfinancial ability. Of many a man it may be . Of many a man it may be said, He is kind, amiable, generous, a good said, He is kind, amiable, generous, a good man, a Christian; but he is man, a Christian; but he is not qualified to not qualified to manage his own businessmanage his own business. As far as the . As far as the outlay of means is concerned, he is a mere outlay of means is concerned, he is a mere child. He has not been brought up by his child. He has not been brought up by his parents to understand and to practice the parents to understand and to practice the principles of self-supportprinciples of self-support. .

AH 93AH 93

HusbandHusband

A Christian – does all to the glory of GodA Christian – does all to the glory of God Hard-working, can manage money and Hard-working, can manage money and

provide for a family, settled in his provide for a family, settled in his lifeworklifework

Respects and values the opinions of Respects and values the opinions of future wife – gives her freedom to follow future wife – gives her freedom to follow her own conscienceher own conscience

Treats his mother well - how does he Treats his mother well - how does he treat everyone?treat everyone?

Kind and patientKind and patient

Christ = happinessChrist = happiness

The presence of Christ alone The presence of Christ alone can make men and women happycan make men and women happy. . All the common waters of life Christ All the common waters of life Christ can turn into the wine of heaven. The can turn into the wine of heaven. The home then becomes as an Eden of home then becomes as an Eden of bliss; the family, a beautiful symbol of bliss; the family, a beautiful symbol of the family in heaven. the family in heaven.

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