Heavyweight Champion WRSTLING: Marty Mush (12-0) *1 $47,000 … #113 or 501 International Champion IMT: Flatten the Curve (9-1) *2 $33,700 … #161 or 502 Hokkaido Champion Ironsaint (182-27-5) *3 $522,600 … #149 or 503 Tohoku Champion IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle (11-10-3) *3 $112,600 … #155 or 504 Kanto Champion * from the battle royal IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers (6-2) *1 $56,500 … #49 or 505 Chubu Champion IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane (73-14-2) *2 $165,000 … #93 or 506 Kansai Champion AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa (27-6-4) *6 $119,800 … #146 or 507 Chugoku Champion Submerger (185-24-6) *3 $319,200 … #103 or 508 Shikoku Champion IMT: We Are In This Together (2-0) *1 $20,700 … #159 or 509 Kyushu Champion * from the battle royal IMT: Andrew Dice Clay (16-11-2) *3 $93,900 … #152 or 510 Junior Heavyweight Champion WRSTLING: The Rocket (2-0) *1 $8,300 … #114 or 511 Openweight Champion IMT: The New Normal (5-1) *1 $27,200 … #160 or 512 Tag-team Champions EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose and Death-defying Damian Rose #91 & #92 or 789 International Tag-team Champions VIRUS: Mike Vendetta and Roderick Rampage #165 & #166 or 987 Six-man Champions IMT: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Flatten the Curve #159, #160, & #161 or 789 International Six-man Champions IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux, Andrew Dice Clay, and Martin the Fly Brundle #94, #152, & #155 or 987 Battle Royal Winner Ironsaint (182-27-5) *3 $522,600 … #149
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AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa IMT: Mr. Diehard …IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux (87-9-1) *1 $176,500 … #94 or 506 Great Lakes Champion * from the battle royal IMT: Andrew Dice
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Transcript
Heavyweight ChampionWRSTLING: Marty Mush(12-0) *1 $47,000 … #113 or 501
International ChampionIMT: Flatten the Curve(9-1) *2 $33,700 … #161 or 502
Hokkaido ChampionIronsaint(182-27-5) *3 $522,600 … #149 or 503
Tohoku ChampionIMT: Martin the Fly Brundle(11-10-3) *3 $112,600 … #155 or 504
Kanto Champion * from the battle royalIMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers(6-2) *1 $56,500 … #49 or 505
Chubu ChampionIMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane(73-14-2) *2 $165,000 … #93 or 506
151. Tim McCormick (0-70) $9,000.........................................................................#88
152. Outlaw Ben Slick (0-76) $6,400........................................................................#90
153. Fred Brown (0-78) $9,800................................................................................#83
154. Martin Dean (0-147) $7,300..............................................................................#6
Send your matches, strategies, and trash talk to:IWA, c/o HAL, Box 5275, Willowick, OH 44095
We must receive your envelope by August 6th!
4 HAL Matches
Card 1: Held in Fort Worth (Attendance: 1,568)
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane over Stink Boy at 4:38 (Count Out).IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane pinned “Burnout Boy” Bobby Baker at 0:41
(Flying Dropkick) by 125.IMT/GOAT/MF: “Prince of Perversion” Gerald Robinson beat IMT: Blood-
sport Frank Dux at 27:50 (Boston Crab) by 1.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane pinned Jimmy Roth at 6:54 (Headbutt) by
79.Ironsaint won over Dr. Blank at 4:10 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 99.WRSTLING: Marty Mush decked Ironsaint at 15:32 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by
8.IMT: Flatten the Curve bested Ironsaint at 27:03 (Millions Will Die) by 5.Main event: WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy pinned IMT: Andrew Dice Clay at
58:50 (Chest Hair) by 1.
Card 2: Held in Walla Walla (Attendance: 3,017)
Ironsaint defeated Stink Boy at 5:26 (Shoulder Breaker) by 82.Ironsaint pinned “Burnout Boy” Bobby Baker at 1:35 (Shoulder Breaker) by
130.Ironsaint annihilated IMT/GOAT/MF: “Prince of Perversion” Gerald Robin-
son at 27:30 (Twisted Cerebral) by 5 (non-title).Ironsaint decked Jimmy Roth at 2:00 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 82.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane overpowered Tim McCormick at 1:31
(Headbutt) by 109.WRSTLING: Marty Mush bested IMT: Obey Or Get Canceled the 13th at
12:40 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by 11.IMT: The New Normal pinned VIRUS: Duke Sinn at 28:49 (Check Your Privi-
lege!) by 5.Main event: IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered
WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy at 29:59 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
Card 3: Held in Joliet (Attendance: 9,007)
Submerger destroyed Stink Man at 2:48 (Palm Strike) by 107.Submerger defeated The Greater Cheese Grater at 2:10 (Torpedo Take-
down) by 129.IMT/GOAT/MF: “Prince of Perversion” Gerald Robinson won over IMT: 976-
EVIL at 27:05 (Boston Crab) by 1.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Steve Shields at 1:34 (Head-
butt) by 132.Ironsaint overpowered Tim McCormick at 0:59 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 112.IMT: The New Normal won over WRSTLING: Big Cat at 6:44 (Flying Drop-
kick) by 32.Tag-team titles: EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose and Death-defying
Damian Rose over IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers and 976-EVIL at 18:24 (Count Out).
Main event: IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers annihilated IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle at 35:03 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
Card 4: Held in Hiroshima (Attendance: 4,884)
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Bob at 3:11 (Headbutt) by 73.
Submerger won over “Clever” Cliff Cleaver at 0:58 (Torpedo Takedown) by 112.
IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers decked WRSTLING: Dave Port-noy at 29:37 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
Ironsaint won over Steve Shields at 0:26 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 135.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane over Dandy Davis at 4:09 (Disqualification:
pushed ref).Ironsaint bested Winky Williams at 0:55 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 100.Submerger and Ironsaint* won over IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer
Chambers* and 976-EVIL at 23:01 (Falling Star) by 7.Main event: IMT: Flatten the Curve annihilated IMT: Robert the Mega Mur-
derer Chambers at 41:18 (Millions Will Die) by 7.
Card 5: Held in Wheeling (Attendance: 5,630)
Ironsaint pinned Bob at 4:23 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 76.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane destroyed Kevin “The Cardshark” Kings at
3:04 (Shoulder Breaker) by 100.WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy bested IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 29:56
(Chest Hair) by 1.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane bested Phil Dukes at 6:23 (Headbutt) by
79.Ironsaint over Dandy Davis at 0:41 (Count Out).Ironsaint pinned The Glass Jaw at 3:16 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 100.EDGE/GiFt: Sadistic Sammy Rose* and Vicious Vic Rose won over IMT:
Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers and 976-EVIL* at 19:54 (Super-plex) by 12.
Main event: IMT: Flatten the Curve pinned IMT/GOAT/MF: “Prince of Per-version” Gerald Robinson at 46:20 (Millions Will Die) by 10.
Card 6: Held in Montreal (Attendance: 8,786)
Submerger destroyed Wally Brick at 0:48 (Cobra Clutch) by 137.Submerger beat Kevin “The Cardshark” Kings at 4:33 (Back Elbow Smash)
by 99.WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy decked IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 28:01
(Chest Hair) by 3.Ironsaint bested Phil Dukes at 1:35 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 82.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane bested Outlaw Ben Slick at 1:37 (Headbutt)
by 101.Ironsaint overpowered Tim “Buck Tooth” Dale at 0:43 (Turnbuckle Smash)
by 112.IMT: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th and Obey Or Get Canceled the
13th* won over IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers* and 976-EVIL at 24:29 (Speak To Your Manager) by 10.
Main event: IMT: Flatten the Curve defeated AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa at 34:05 (Millions Will Die) by 3.
Card 7: Held in Lima (Attendance: 7,540)
Submerger annihilated Randy Whitfield at 6:25 (Flying Dropkick) by 93.Ironsaint defeated Kevin “The Cardshark” Kings at 5:25 (Turnbuckle Smash)
by 67.
HAL Matches 5
WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy annihilated EDGE/Gift: Brutal Bud Rose at 29:29 (Chest Hair) by 1.
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Mike Taylor at 1:23 (Headbutt)by 105.
Ironsaint won over Outlaw Ben Slick at 0:38 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 104.Ironsaint defeated “Unbreakable” Freddie Diamond at 4:09 (Turnbuckle
Smash) by 105.International Tag-team titles: VIRUS: Mike Vendetta and Roderick Ram-
page over IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers and 976-EVIL at 3:57 (Disqualification: nail file).
Main event: IMT: Flatten the Curve pinned Submerger at 42:26 (Millions Will Die) by 10.
Card 8: Held in El Paso (Attendance: 3,194)
WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy over Martin Dean at 8:50 (Disqualification: hit opponent with microphone) (non-title).
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane overpowered Frank’s Friend Kyle at 2:32 (Superplex) by 136.
WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy drew EDGE/Gift: Ruthless Rhett Rose (Time Limit).
Ironsaint annihilated Mike Taylor at 2:58 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 108.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose overpowered EDGE: Don Kee Puntch
at 7:53 (Flying Dropkick) by 52.Ironsaint defeated Jason Adams, Jr. at 1:38 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 104.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose* and Death-defying Damian Rose an-
nihilated IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane and Andrew Dice Clay* at 13:32 (DDT) by 13.
Main event: IMT: Flatten the Curve outmuscled AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Indica at 38:09 (Millions Will Die) by 4 (Guest Referee: Coldstone Carl-ton).
Card 9: Held in San Francisco (Attendance: 5,233)
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane decked Martin Dean at 4:46 (Headbutt) by 76.
Ironsaint beat Frank’s Friend Kyle at 6:08 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 69.WRSTLING: Marty Mush decked WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy at 11:26 (Mush
Muscle Bomb) by 11 (non-title).IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane beat Fred Brown at 2:39 (Headbutt) by
134.EDGE/GiFt: Death-defying Damian Rose defeated EDGE: Don Kee Puntch at
5:41 (Palm Strike) by 52.Ironsaint won over Desmond Deville at 3:20 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 118.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose and Death-defying Damian Rose* beat
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane and Martin the Fly Brundle* at 10:03 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 11.
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush overpowered IMT: Flatten the Curve at 44:02 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by 3.
Card 10: Held in Philadelphia (Attendance: 7,821)
Ironsaint outmuscled Martin Dean at 3:02 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 79.
Submerger beat Al the Hacksaw at 2:46 (Torpedo Takedown) by 153.Ironsaint pinned WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy at 28:59 (Twisted Cerebral) by
3.Ironsaint pinned Fred Brown at 2:27 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 137.IMT: Flatten the Curve destroyed IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 19:36
(Millions Will Die) by 9.EDGE/GiFt: Sadistic Sammy Rose bested EDGE: Don Kee Puntch at 6:27
(Palm Strike) by 46.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose* and Death-defying Damian Rose an-
nihilated IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux and Andrew Dice Clay* at 14:43 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 14.
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush annihilated AI: “Rastafarian Warrior”Buffalo Soldier at 23:58 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by 8.
Card 11: Held in Franklin Township (Attendance: 5,013)
IMT: Andrew Dice Clay over Martin Dean at 5:37 (Count Out) (non-title).Submerger over Baby Face Morgan at 7:23 (Count Out).WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy tied IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle (Time Limit).IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane pinned Duffy Wolfe at 2:36 (Headbutt) by
98.Submerger overpowered IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 28:25 (Torpedo
Takedown) by 1.EDGE/GiFt: Vicious Vic Rose beat EDGE: Don Kee Puntch at 9:44 (Flying
Dropkick) by 46.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose* and Death-defying Damian Rose an-
nihilated Submerger* and Ironsaint at 14:58 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 13.
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush won over IMT: The New Normal at 34:34 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by 4 (Guest Referee: VIRUS: Mike Vendetta).
Card 12: Held in Vancouver (Attendance: 4,391)
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane destroyed The Fishy Fisherman at 1:19 (Shoulder Breaker) by 107.
Junior Heavyweight title: WRSTLING: The Rocket won over AI: “Rastafar-ian Warrior” Buffalo Soldier at 27:57 (Bastan Tea Parte) by 2.
WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy beat IMT: 976-EVIL at 29:39 (Chest Hair) by 3.Ironsaint outmuscled Duffy Wolfe at 2:42 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 101.Submerger over Johnny Ice at 10:24 (Count Out).AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa annihilated Ironsaint at 27:31 (Praise Jah)
by 2.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose and Death-defying Damian Rose over
IMT: Andrew Dice Clay and Martin the Fly Brundle at 2:50 (Disqualifica-tion: loaded elbow pad).
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush over WRSTLING: El Pres at 27:19 (Dis-qualification: nail file).
Card 13: Held in Greenwich Village (Attendance: 7,608)
Ironsaint over The Fishy Fisherman at 11:04 (Disqualification: manager in ring).
IMT: The New Normal annihilated WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy at 22:12 (Check Your Privilege!) by 7.
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane destroyed Curt Gold at 6:57 (Headbutt) by 81.
Submerger pinned Professor Wrassle at 2:30 (Flying Dropkick) by 107.AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa decked IMT: 976-EVIL at 16:46 (Praise Jah)
by 8.EDGE/GiFt: High-Flying Hector Rose and Death-defying Damian Rose* de-
feated VIRUS: Mike Vendetta* and Roderick Rampage at 28:25 (Scor-pion Deathlock) by 2.
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush beat Ironsaint at 18:36 (Mush MuscleBomb) by 8.
Card 14: Held in Hanoi (Attendance: 4,318)
Submerger over Drake at 7:12 (Disqualification: hit opponent with micro-phone).
AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Buffalo Soldier drew VIRUS: Mike Vendetta at 6:36 (Double Disqualification).
International title: IMT: Flatten the Curve overpowered WRSTLING: Dave Portnoy at 20:46 (Millions Will Die) by 8.
Ironsaint beat Curt Gold at 6:38 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 84.Submerger beat Roddy Pumpernickel at 3:04 (Flying Dropkick) by 111.AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa decked IMT: Virtue Signaling Male Karen
the 13th at 28:49 (Praise Jah) by 4 (Guest Referee: VIRUS: “Dirty Mag-num” Ray Calhoun).
International Six-man titles: IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux, Andrew Dice Clay, and Martin the Fly Brundle over IMT: The Garter Kid, The Masked SC, and The Giant King Boa at 0:32 (Disqualification: refused to break choke).
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush won over WRSTLING: One Bite Every-one Knows the Rules at 43:25 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by 10.
Card 15: Held in Basel (Attendance: 6,749)
Submerger won over Bruce Vanquish at 3:45 (Torpedo Takedown) by 96.AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Indica annihilated Ironsaint at 28:14 (Redemp-
tion Bomb) by 1.Hokkaido title: Ironsaint pinned IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Cham-
bers at 28:28 (Twisted Cerebral) by 2.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane outmuscled Charlie Ford at 1:47 (Head-
butt) by 115.Submerger decked Henry O. at 3:41 (Flying Dropkick) by 120.AI: “Rastafarian Warrior” Sativa beat VIRUS: Duke Sinn at 27:29 (Praise Jah)
by 3.Six-man titles: IMT: We Are In This Together, The New Normal*, and
Flatten the Curve beat IMT: The Garter Kid, The Masked SC, and The Giant King Boa* at 8:41 (Ankle Lock) by 41.
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush outmuscled IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 36:31 (Mush Muscle Bomb) by 14.
Card 16: Held in Fairview (Attendance: 7,612)
Submerger defeated Neil B. Formee at 4:20 (Flying Dropkick) by 61.Shikoku title: IMT: We Are In This Together won over AI: “Rastafarian
Warrior” Indica at 28:42 (Covid Vacation) by 2.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane annihilated Peter Lawler at 3:07 (Head-
butt) by 102.Ironsaint annihilated Charlie Ford at 1:35 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 118.Submerger beat Quentin Parker at 3:06 (Flying Dropkick) by 116.Ironsaint won over IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle at 29:04 (Twisted Cerebral)
by 3 (non-title).IMT: We Are In This Together, The New Normal*, and Flatten the Curve an-
nihilated IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers, Mr. Diehard John McClane, and 976-EVIL* at 12:02 (Backbreaker) by 13.
Main event: WRSTLING: Marty Mush bested EDGE/Gift: Brutal Bud Rose at 25:05 (Backbreaker) by 9.
Card 17: Held in Dover (Attendance: 9,666)
Submerger destroyed The Super Apartment Super at 2:43 (Crescent Kick) by 103.
Chubu title: IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over IMT/GOAT/MF: “Prince of Perversion” Gerald Robinson at 27:29 (RV is Toast) by 1.
Ironsaint outmuscled Peter Lawler at 3:57 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 105.IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane defeated Dr. Blank at 6:07 (Headbutt) by
96.Submerger defeated VIRUS: Roderick Rampage at 29:10 (Torpedo Take-
down) by 5.IMT: The New Normal pinned Ironsaint at 27:19 (Check Your Privilege!) by
4 (Guest Referee: VIRUS: Pedro Dominguez).IMT: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Flatten the Curve*
beat IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux, Andrew Dice Clay, and Martin the Fly Brundle* at 17:15 (Covid Vacation) by 9.
Battle Royal
Held in Johannesburg (Attendance: 5,860)
Submerger received $1,000 when IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane threw him over the top rope.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux nabbed $1,100 in imaginary earnings when he was catapulted into some fans at ringside by IMT: Martin the Fly Brun-dle.
IMT: 976-EVIL made $1,200 in imaginary money after he got hurled onto the announcer’s table by Ironsaint.
IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle and IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane nabbed $1,300 and $1,400, respectively, when Ironsaint flung them out.
IMT: Andrew Dice Clay grabbed $1,500 after IMT: Robert the Mega Mur-derer Chambers threw him outside the ring.
IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers picked up $1,600 after getting thrown out by Ironsaint.
Ironsaint won the battle royal and the $30,000 prize.