511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 1 Evolving Compassion in End of Life.

5111041 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza

©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202

Evolving Compassion Evolving Compassion in End of Life Carein End of Life Care

Jerral SapienzaCaregiving Educator, Chaplain and Author of .

URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dying .

Unity of the ValleyChurch of Practical Christianity

Thu Nov 18, 2004 - Eugene, OR

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We Are . . .We Are . . .

Learning, Growing, Sharing as family, friends community.

Spiritual Beings having a physical human experience.

Aware of our mortality yet comfortably oblivious as well.

Interdependent Resources of Strength, Friendship, Reflection.

Radiant Beings of Light and Love on a journey called life.



ChallengesChallenges

A biography of my Evolution of Compassion.

– Childhood grand mal epilepsy, hospitalization.

– Childhood elder friendships in nursing homes.

– Callings in the 1980’s of friends and family with Cancer, Alzheimer’s, Heart Problems, Suicide.



The Journey The Journey

– Writing, Poetry, Philosophy, Comparative Religion, Mystical Studies

– Counseling Psychology at OSU: with terminal patients.

– Reminded of the nursing homes as a child.

– Vigil Sitting, simple presence. “Be ye still and know that I am God.”

– The AIDS crisis of the 1980’s. . . Where are their friends?

– Became a family mentor, friend, guide because no one was there.

– Thus, the concept for the book Urgent Whispers was born.



Evolving Compassion Evolving Compassion How do the Puzzle Pieces of End of-Life Care fit?How do the Puzzle Pieces of End of-Life Care fit?

Our calling in compassion: we must involve in order to evolve.

Diversity, variation, situation always: be aware of The Other

Commit to help and guide the inexperienced

Vigil Record is a commitment for your friend, yourself, others.

Onward into excerpts from Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying…

but first . . . an exercise .



Time Now for an ExerciseTime Now for an ExerciseTake a look at your exercise page…

The phrases represent end-of-life caregiving roles / development.

Allocate the 20 points between each of twelve boxes shown on page 2.

~8 mins

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Discussion of ExerciseDiscussion of Exercise

Individual and Group responses to the allocation exercise…

~8 mins



Urgent Whispers ExamplesUrgent Whispers Examples

Exercises came from 12 “whispers” of the 52 in the book . . .

Some practical examples of Evolving Compassion

Urgent Whispers: Care of the DyingUrgent Whispers: Care of the Dying



The Breath BudgetThe Breath Budget

Mindfulness of how we communicate at the bedside

Honor The One before you

Truly listening with an intent to hear

“Feel free to ask me what I want, what I feel, what I need. Then honor and respect my answer, or my silence.”

p39

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The GatekeeperThe Gatekeeper Every situation is different; every gatekeeper will have

slightly different duties, but basic symbolic duties are: – Sergeant at Arms– Appointment Secretary– Overseer / Manager

“Before I built a wall, I’d ask to know what I was walling in or walling out…” --Robert Frost’s Mending Wall

from: http://town.hall.org/Archives/radio/IMS/HarperAudio/012294_harp_ITH.html

“I may have need of a gatekeeper now but I also need to have time with my family and friends”

p432



Dignity in CareDignity in Care Everyone always deserves respect and dignity End of life progressions can significantly change a

person. Weakening, degeneration, dependence is difficult How you relate and are able to show your compassion

is important This whole and wonderful being has a body which is ill

and weakening.

“Treat my body with dignity. It is part, not all, of me.”p47

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Pity vs. CompassionPity vs. Compassion Pity is a closed contagion of Fear we have to shrink

in order to fit into, focusing attention on the self and worrying about how this affects ME

Compassion is an open gift of commitment and awareness we agree to live in, an acceptance and willingness to try to understand YOU, US, ALL

“Do not bring me your pity. Bring me your honest compassion and expression of love, or bring me nothing.”

p51

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Seeing as EqualsSeeing as Equals Unite as One to be present.

Hearing is the last of the senses to let go.

Sight is often one of the first.

Be near, save energy: Share a special bond.

“Come sit down here with me instead of so far away. I can see and hear you better if you are at my level.”

p655



Honoring BeliefsHonoring Beliefs Perhaps the single most sacred of respects we can

offer the dying is letting them determine their own spiritual practices and beliefs.

Along with beliefs we must honor their values and lifestyles. For instance: regardless of how you feel about gay marriage, a partner must not be excluded from end-of-life times.

“Please respect my own religious beliefs, whether they are consistent with yours or not” p75

“Please do not demean nor mock nor cry out against my own views and practices of Spirit. They are mine.” p77

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Tuning In to the ProcessTuning In to the Process Dying is a very personal process… difficult in

some ways, and extremely simple in others.

Not everyone dies the same. Be present now.

Breathing as One can help tune in / reflect.

“Tune into what I’m going through here. Be present with me here and now.”

p87

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What Time is it?What Time is it? Semi-conscious states at the end of life.

Discussions of desired plans and process.

Be mindful of the Breath Budget when discerning when… Day? Night? Early? Late?

Jefferson – Adams 7/4/1826 50th Anniversary

“I may like to choose the day and hour of my death… What time is it now?”

p998



Importance of TouchImportance of Touch Human connectedness touches.

Respecting “Giving vs. Taking” in touch.

Appropriate loving touch is self-worth, value, love, kindness.

“Touch me gently (but not distractingly) as I die. Be with me but do not demand that I be with you.”

p1019



Cathedral of the SoulCathedral of the Soul Must we go see Aunt Millie?

Each person has a history, beingness, unique and everlasting. But only one body.

Encourage the visit by children. They need to say their goodbyes, too.

“Please remember me as a Personal Being with history and not just as the fragment you may find me to be now.”

p10710



Death as TeacherDeath as Teacher If Death is a teacher, many of us in the West

are always trying to skip that class! Yin Yang says that in all darkness there is light

and in all light, darkness. As we are present to support, so they are

present with their torch to lead that way.

“Realize that I go before you now, at least in part, as Teacher and Reflector for where you one day will follow.”

p 113

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Letting Go Isn’t Saying “Goodbye”Letting Go Isn’t Saying “Goodbye”

Life and Death both have strong pull.

Giving permission to go is a gift you give.

Let go of attachments, fears, worries.

“Don’t try to hold onto me beyond my time. Don’t keep my physical body here beyond its will.”

p11712

.eof…



Once you Understand about Evolving Compassion…Once you Understand about Evolving Compassion… Share Your Wisdom; Touch LivesShare Your Wisdom; Touch Lives

Sharing your Stories and Wisdom goes a long way to helping others discover the loving gift of Evolving Compassion in their lives.

End of Life Care is a gift we give ourselves and others. Lessons abound in context. . .

Where from here? Other ways to share?



Sharing Your WisdomSharing Your Wisdom 2 of 2 2 of 2

Developing outreach projects around End of Life care to assist in community awareness for evolving compassion:

Care of Dying Public Outreach Discussion (CodPods) Help to initiate the discussion. Speak up. Help Out.

Activate Church Groups, Civic Organizations, Friends

Start Library / Book Discussions around EOL issues.

Other ideas YOU have? How will YOU reach out?



Training Materials to assist with discussion groups:Training Materials to assist with discussion groups:

Available online from LLX Press’ Urgent Whispers training site: http:// WWW.LLX.COM / UW / Train /

– This PowerPoint presentation and handout available.

– 7-Week extended Discussion / Training materials

– Downloadable manuals for facilitator and participants.

– A Unity-specific “12-Powers of End of Life Care” based on this material and Charles Fillmore’s “Twelve Powers of Man.”

– Short story, poetry, writings on End of Life topics.



URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dyingby Jerral Sapienza © 2002 LLX Press, Eugene, Oregon USA

ISBN 0971710708:Paper / 0971710759:Spiral / $14.95 152 pg

Available here today for purchase / autograph; also available online, at booksellers everywhere, and direct from LLX Press.

Available here today $14.95



Thanks for attending this evening. Thanks for attending this evening.

Your Friends and Family will appreciate thatyou now better understand Compassion . . .

Oh, and one last thing . . .



My next book, actually due to be released Mon Jan 17th, 2005 actually arrived in Eugene earlier this week. So it is also available here tonight in limited quantities. . .

Thanks again,

T h e E n d

511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 1 Evolving Compassion in End of Life.

Documents

llx press eugene

life care fit

compassion pity

evolution of compassion

honest compassion

dying slide

puzzle pieces of end

book urgent whispers