Secrets of Body Language

Secrets of Body Language arifanees@live.com

1SECRETS OF BODY LANGUAGE

Arif Anis

The Secrets of Body Language

Arif Anis

(This presentation is based on Arif Anis‟ upcoming book)arifanees@live.com

Body language is a form of non-verbal communication,

consisting of body pose, gestures, and eye

movements. Humans send and interpret such signals

subconsciously

The Cortico-Limbic Theory for targeted

communication (CLTC)

to educate the “thinking” brain, the neocortex, with information that is already

inherited in our “emotional” part of the

brain ( Amygdala) in the limbic system..

to better understand others, control our own body language

to help us improve our communication

skills

Three interrelated brain networks involved in

Emotional Body Language (EBL)

Mehrabian's rule (1971)Three elements in any

face-to-face communication

1. Actual words ( Verbal) 7%

2. Tone, pitch, pace of voice ( Vocal) 38%

3. Facial Expression, gesture, posture (Visual) 55%

Words are used primarilyfor conveying information, while

body language is used fornegotiating interpersonal

attitudes and as a substitute for verbal messages

Nonverbal SignalsVary from culture to culture

This is 'good' to Westerners, 'one'

to Italians,'five' to Japanese and 'up yours' to

the GreeksEveryone

Showing this American football gesture

is a jailable offence in Italy

'OK' to a Westerner,

'money'to a Japanese,

'zero' tothe French and

insulting tothe Turks and

Brazilians

This can mean 'Good', 'One','Up yours' or 'Sit on this'depending

where you live

Body leaning forward

REFLECTIVEOPEN/BACK, people are interested and receptive, but not actively accepting. Trying to close the sale or asking for an agreement now may drive them away into fugitive mode. This is the time to present further facts and incentives. It may also be a good time to keep quiet and let them think.

4 Basic positions

Body leaning backwards

RESPONSIVE

OPEN/FORWARD the person is actively accepting. This is the time to close the sale, ask for agreement, demand a concession.

4 Basic positions

FUGITIVE

CLOSED/BACK, people are trying to escape physically through the door or mentally into boredom. This is the time to spark interest in any way you can, even irrelevant to the message.

4 Basic positions

COMBATIVE

CLOSED/FORWARD, there is active resistance. This is the time to defuse anger, avoid contradiction and outright argument and to steer them into reflective mode.

4 Basic positions

Shoulder Shrug •exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands•Hunched shoulders to protect the throat from attack •Raised brow which is a universal, submissivegreeting

Universal Gestures

Three Rules for Accurate Reading

Rule 1. Read Gestures in Clusters

Scratching the head can mean uncertaintybut it's also a sign of dandruff

Critical evaluation

• Legs tightly crossed and arm crosses body thus implicated listener is defensive

• Head and chin are down implicate hostility

• I don’t like what you are saying and I disagree with you

Am I being critically evaluated

Let me first evaluate you

Hillary Clinton uses this cluster when she's not

convinced

Rule 2. Look for Congruence

When a person's words and body language are in conflict, women ignore what is said

Rule 3. Read Gestures in Context

All gestures should be considered in the context in which theyoccur

The man is cold, not defensive

Why Kids are Easier to Read

Older people are harder to read than younger ones

becausethey have less muscle tone in

the face

The child telling a lie

Covers the mouth with one or both hands they have less muscle tone in the face

The teenager telling a lie

Rubs fingers lightly around the mouth

The adult telling a lie

..or they can just bite lower lip, purse lips, or skew mouth from side to side

Bill Clinton answering questions aboutMonica Lewinsky in front of the Grand Jury

Modern humans are worse at reading

body signals than their ancestors because weare now distracted by

When men lie their body language can be obvious

Women prefer to look busy as they lie

Body language is easier to fake with menthan with women

because, overall, menaren't good readers of

body language

Fakers can only pretend for a short period of time

How to Detect Openness

The palms are intentionally used everywhereto infer an open, honest approach

How to Detect Openness

'Trust me - I'm a doctor'

Palm Power

Palm up = non threatening

Palm Power

Palm down —authority

Palm Power

Adolf Hitler using one of history's most notable Palm-Down signals

Palm Power

The Palm-Closed-Finger-Pointed gesture is one of the most annoying gesturesannoying gestures

Palm Power

The pointing finger creates negative feelings in most listeners

But often it can inspire the listeners

Palm Power

..even for the war of independence

Palm Power

Squeezing the thumb against the fingertips avoids intimidating the audience

Hand Shakes

Dominant submissive

Hand Shakes

The Double-Hander

Hand Shakes

The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug

It may produce discomfort in

unfamiliar recipient

Hand Shakes

Yasser Arafat plants a Double-Hander on Tony Blair, whose tight-lipped expression shows he's not impressed

Hand Shakes that invades the personal space of the recipient

The Wrist Hold The Elbow Grasp

The Upper-Arm Grip The Shoulder Hold

Hand Shakes that produce discomfort in

recipient

The Wet Fish :Hyperhydrosis

The Vice :A desire to dominate

Bone-Crusher:A desire to dominate

The Socket Wrencher :Pulling the receiver into

the initiator's territory

The Finger-Tip Grab:Personal space

difference

The Stiff-Arm Thrust :Aggression

The Pump Handle :Lack of

sophistication

The Dutch Treat :'Giving a handshake like a bunch of carrots'

The Magic of Smile and Laughter

False smiles pull back only the mouth, real smiles pull back both the mouth and eyes

„False Smile‟ signals fear and submission

A primate'fear face'

(left)and a primate

'play face’ ( Right)

When liars lie, the left side of the smile isusually more pronounced than the right

Five Common Types of Smiles

1.The Tight-Lipped Smile

The Tight-Lipped Smile shows she has asecret and won't be sharing it with you

Tony and Cherie Blair were 'tight lipped'about Cherie's last pregnancy

2.The Twisted Smile

The Twisted Smile means sarcasm ( Irony)

3. The Drop-Jaw Smile

Drop-Jaw smile with an attemptto fake smiling eyes

A Drop-Jaw smile is a practiced smile where only the jaw is lowered to feign enjoyment

4. Sideways-Looking-Up Smile

Diana's Sideways-Looking-Up smile had apowerful effect on both men and women

5.The George W Bush Grin

The Permanent Down-Mouth

The Down-Mouth expression can become a permanent facial feature

The Arm Signals

Crossed-Arms-on-Chest:he's not coming out andyou're not coming in

Fists-Clenched-Arms-Crossed (Standard arm cross) : shows a hostileattitude exists

The Double-Arm-Grip (Reinforced arm cross) :feeling insecure and notbuying what you're selling

Thumbs-Up: defensive,but he still thinks he'spretty cool

Holding-Hands-With-Yourself ::Holding herself likeher mother held herwhen she was a child

The Broken Zipper Position : Makes a man feel secure

Holding the hands over the crotch makes men feel more secure when they feel threatened

Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think are their weakest or most vulnerable

Famous people are justas nervous in public asthe rest of us

Prince Charles' Cuff-Link-Adjust revealing his insecurities

Handbag used toform a barrier

Flower grasping shows self consciousness :anattempt to disguise nervousness

The arm barrier says 'no'

She's now open to your ideas

Hand and Thumb Gestures

Rubbing the Palms Together

Showing positiveexpectancy

'Have I got adeal for you!'

Thumb and Finger Rub

'We can makemoney out of this!'

Hands Clenched Together

Hands clenched inraised position reveals frustration, even when smiling

Hands clenched incentre position : Moderate degree of frustration

Hands clenched inlower position : Mild degree of frustration

The Steeple

Confident he hasthe right answers

Raised Steeple : Confident while talking

Lowered Steeple : Confident while listening

Women tend to use the Lowered Steeple position more

The Face Platter

The Face Platter -Presenting her facefor a man to admire

Holding Hands Behind the Back

Back and front views of the superiority-confidence gesture

The Hand-Gripping-Wrist Gesture : Frustrationand an attempt at self-control

The Upper Arm Grip: More frustration

Thumb Displays

The Waistcoat Thruster : Thumbs are used to display dominance,assertiveness or sometimes aggressive attitudes

Dominance / Superiority

Thumbs-Protruding-

from-Coat-Pocket: Prince Charles using his Thumb- Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket gesture

Giving a contradictoryverbal message: A lawyer pretending to be humble

Thumbs-Protruding-

from-Back-Pocket: A person is trying to hide his dominant attitude.

Closing himself offbut still feeling superior.

signal of ridicule or disrespect when it is used to point at another person.

Hand-to-Face Gestures

Deceit, Doubt, Lying

The Three Wise Monkeys.: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil

Lying Gestures

The Mouth Cover or

a Fake Cough.

The Nose Touch/

Scratch: Can be used

both by the speaker

and the listener.

The Eye Rub: 'I just can't see it'

The Ear Grab : 'I don't want to hear it.'

The Neck Scratch: Showing doubt/ uncertainty

The Collar Pull: Getting hot under the collar due to tingling sensation or sweating

Fingers-in-the-Mouth : Reassurance is needed here

Boredom

The hand supporting the head to stop from falling asleep

Evaluation Gestures

Interested evaluation — the head supports itself and the hand rests on the cheek/ chin

Having negative thoughts

He's heard enough oris not impressed

Rodin's ‘The Thinker’ showed a thoughtful, evaluative attitude, but the body posture and hand supporting the head also reveal a dejected person

Chin Stroking : Decision Making

Female version of Chin Stroking

Evaluation/decision-making cluster

Evaluation, decision,boredom cluster

Eye Signals

The Dilating Pupils

Which picture do you find more attractive?

The 'Looking Up' Cluster

Princess Diana used the 'Looking Up' cluster to evoke world empathy during her marital problems

Extended Blinking

Shutting you out Evaluation, decision,boredom cluster

Types of Gazing

The SocialGazing area

The IntimateGaze zone

Women's wider peripheral vision means never getting caught; Men's Tunnel Vision means always getting caught

The Power Gaze

Eye Movements

A. Recalling a picture

B. Recalling a sound

C. Recalling a feeling

D. Talking Mentally to oneself

The Power Lift — using the pen to control where a person looks during a presentation

Edwin T. Hall‟s Personal Space or Zones

Personal space —the portable bubble we all carry around with us

Women stand slightly closer to one another, face each

other more and touch more than men do with other men

Doctors and hairdressers are given permission to enter our Intimate Zones

The people travelling on a crowded bus or in a lift aren't unhappy; they're just masking their emotions

Whether we are in a crowded lift, cinema or bus, people around us become non-persons

Common lift-riding rules:

1. There will be no talking to anyone, including a person you know.

2. Avoid eye contact with others at all times.

3. Maintain a 'poker face' - no emotion is permitted to be shown.

4. If you have a book or newspaper, pretend to be deeply engrossed in it.

5. In bigger crowds, no body movement is allowed.

6. At all times, you must watch the floor numbers change at all times.

The acceptable conversationaldistance for most Western,Northern European andScandinavian city dwellers

A man with a smaller spatial need forcing a woman to lean back to defend her space

Two men from thecity greet each other;their hands reachingto 18 inches (46cm)

Two people from acountry town reachingout to 36 inches (lm)

People from a sparsely populated area keeping their distance

Leg Signals

The Attention Stance: Closed legs, Uuncommunicative

Legs Apart: The Crotch Display - puttinghis masculinity on show

The Foot-Forward Position -pointing at where the mind wantsto go

The Standing-Leg-Cross: Defensive

The Scissors - 'No comment‘ but he's not leaving; uncertain

She's more likely to be cold orjust looking for the rest room

1. Uncertain about each other

2. Openness and acceptance

The European/BritishLeg Cross

Not open to communicatingon any level

Ready to argue the point -the American Figure Four

The Leg Clamp - is a sign of the tough-minded, stubbornindividual who rejects any opinion other than their own

The Ankle Lock: A woman minimizing her leg space and a man taking up more space

Shy, timid people use the Leg Twine

Men voted Parallel-Legs as their number one favoriteposition in women who are seated

He's coming on strong withOne-Foot-Forward and CrotchDisplay; she's either undecidedor not keen

Seating Positions

taking the whole seat

feet steady on the floor

sitting up straight

slightly leant forward

taking the seat before it has

been offered to you

wiggling

nervous movements

Sitting at the edge

to be in a hurry

to lean back

passivity

arrogance

disinterest

feet crossed under chair

not steady on floor

uncertainty

“body barriers”

not showing your hands

uncommunicative

“keeping secrets”

Head Signals

1. Head Up: Neutral Head

Position

2.The Head Tilt: displays the vulnerable neck and makes a person appear smaller and more submissive

Tilting the head to reveal the vulnerable neck appears to be intuitively understoodby most people

3. Head Down: a negative, judgmental or aggressive attitude

The Head Duck — trying toappear smaller in ordernot to cause offence to others

the Hands-on-Hips gesture

Hands-on-Hips makes you look bigger and morenoticeable because you

take up more space.

Elbows up and pointed shows readiness to dominate

Hands-on-Hips used bymodels to make clothingmore appealing

The cowboy stance - his fingers point at what he wants you to notice

The sexually assertive female

Gesture clusters showaggressive attitudes

Contradictory signals: his right arm shows pointed aggression while his lefthand attempts to protect his front

Leg-Over-the-Arm-of-

Chair: Informality, aggressiveness, indifferenceand lack of concern

Straddling a Chair: The Straddler wants to dominate or control while, at the same time, protecting his front

The Catapult:This is a seated version of the Hands-on-Hips pose

The classic positionshowing readiness for action

Mirroring

Thinking alike

Mirroring the otherperson's body languageto gain acceptance

A boss would perceive asubordinate's mirroringbehavior as arrogance

Smoking

Women use the cigarette as a social display to open the body and display the wrist; men close their bodies when they smoke and prefer secretive holds

Smoke blown up: confident, superior, positive;smoke blown down: negative, secretive, suspicious

Eye Glasses

Using the glasses tostall for time

Solid frame glasses can make you look more sincere and intelligent; over-the-top frames don't

Peering-Over-the-Glasses intimidates everyone

Creating the 'Four Eyes'effect of dilated pupils

Body Angles

Each standing at 45-degreeangles to avoid comingacross as aggressive

Open triangular positionencouraging the entry of athird person

Body Pointing

Body Pointing is used to close off a coupleand exclude the man on the right

Foot Pointing

Feet signaling what'son the owner's mind

Body Lowering and Status

We reduce our height to show subordination toothers and increase height to gain status

Seating Arrangements

The Corner Position: This is the most successful strategic position from which person B candeliver a presentation to person A

The Co-operativePosition

Competitive/Defensiveposition

The Independent Positiontells others you don't wantto get involved

Keeping both partiesinvolved when answeringa question

Power Positions ata rectangular table

'Open„ families go for round tables, 'closed' families select squaretables and 'authoritative' types select rectangular tables

Thank You

Please read the upcoming book of the author on the secrets of body language and email you comments to arifanees@live.com

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