Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Perfection{ism}

an occupational hazard of giftedness

1

Try as hard as we may for

PERFECTION

the net result of our labors is an

amazing variety

of imperfectness.

1

We are surprised at

our own versatility in being able to

FAIL

in so many different ways.

~ Samuel McChord Crothers

What are some of the different

faces of perfectionism?

{According to Adelson & Wilson}

Academic Achiever

I must get

or the world will end.

I

Aggravated Accuracy Assessors

exactness and fixation on redos

Risk Evaders

If I can't do it perfectly,

I won't even try.

Controlling Image Managers

I could have it if I wanted it.

{but I'm pretending I don't want it}

Procrastinating

Perfectionists

{I'm putting off

turning in my

work because a

zero for not

turning it in is

not as bad as

earning an 80}

Consequences of

Perfectionism

please note:

Perfection{ism}

isn't always a problem

it can be

healthy

{here's how to tell}

ask these

questions

does the child

receive

pleasure from

working hard?

are the child's

standards based on

personal desire

{as opposed to outside pressure}?

is the child

capable of

relaxing?

is the child's

work

mastery

{rather than grade} -

oriented?

the correct

answer to all

of these

questions is

{yes}

it can also be

{un}healthy

{here's how to tell}

ask yourself

these

questions

are the child's

feelings about

his/her effort based

on external

evaluations?

is the child

incapable of

relaxing or letting

go?

is the child

motivated by low

self-esteem?

is the child

unsatisfied with

even a high level of

effort?

the desirable answer

to these questions is

{no}

there is a difference between

perfection{ism}

and the pursuit of excellence

Thanks {I think}.

But now what?

here are some

{big} ideas

and specific techniques

{big}

Excellent is good enough

strategies

this

A-

A+

is as okay as

encourage

{excellence and mastery}

as opposed to

{perfection}

from 1 - 5 assign each task a level

1 just make sure it's done

{little pillows optional}

do your absolute best

5 {something really important's at stake}

perfectionists

think everything is

a five

when really most

tasks are about a

three.

{big}

What Ithaka has to teach us

is that it's not about getting there

It's the

journey,

and it

always was.

strategies

kids need to

develop these

traits

and they do that through reading

and hearing about people who

have them

Try...

Carol Dweck's Mindset Angela Duckworth's Grit Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers

or biographies (try ones about

Ernest Shackelton or other

explorers)

{big}

Don't be

your own

worst

enemy.

strategies

although the

following quote

is true…

The harder

you work,

the harder it

is to

surrender. {vince lombardi}

it is also important to learn

{goal disengagement}

50

There will

be no

crossing

this bridge

when you

come to it.

that's not quitting {it's common sense}

and then you prepare to

re-engage

52

adults need to teach

kids how to avoid

self-talk mistakes

they shouldn't hear "I'm

so stupid“ from us

unless it's what we want

them to say

develop an

"ask, don't tell" policy

no one likes being

told how to feel

Model strategies for dealing with

{stress}.

This is NOT

the only

strategy!

{big}

Just do it. {nike totally had this right}

strategies

there's no need to spend

20 hours on one

assignment {doing it over and over and over}

don't turn

school

work into

this kind

of thing

because

even a tea

party gets

old after

awhile

Warning:

due dates are

closer than they

appear

Work is never done.

It’s just due.

Just DO it. paraphrased from Linda Kapfer

Be a

Weeble

and a

Bozo.

because it

turns out

that a fat, round

bottom is a

really good thing.

Weebles wobble,

but they don't

{fall down}

we want to teach

kids to rock back

up when they

get knocked down

Resilience is

made

of ordinary

magic.

This little

girl took

her own

cancer

and used

it to help

others.

{to the

tune of

$45

million} www.alexslemonade.org

{big}

Sometimes,

failure is

a perfectly

acceptable

option.

strategies

If you get 100 right away,

you will never grow.

Don't try for 100 - try for growing.

embrace the Amish mistake

because no one is perfect

Adults must provide

support in

dealing with failure.

{real or perceived}

Have a “favorite mistake”

board in the house or

classroom to share

things that went wrong.

Practice Predictions worst,

best,

most likely

outcome

photo credit vjeran2001 @sxc.hu

80

"Eeyore,"

said Owl,

"Christopher

Robin is giving a

party."

80

"Very interesting,"

said Eeyore. "I

suppose they will be

sending me down

the odd bits which

got trodden on.

Kind and thoughtful.

Not at all, don't

mention it."

81

don't be Eeyore

82

because everyone

is NOT really

against you

Just jump.

Don't stand in

the shallow end

forever.

ask: is it my problem, or does it

belong to someone else? {because there is no sense stealing other people’s problems}

I’ll let Voltaire have

the last word on this.

The perfect is the enemy of the good.

Presentation Created by

Lisa Van Gemert giftedguru.com

92

lisav@americanmensa.org or lisa@lisavangemert.com

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