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Perfection{ism} an occupational hazard of giftedness
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Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Jun 28, 2015

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Is perfectionism holding you, your children or students back? Learn the different faces of perfectionism and the strategies you need to harness it. Find the accompanying handout here http://bit.ly/mensaperfectionism.
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Page 1: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Perfection{ism}

an occupational hazard of giftedness

Page 2: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

1

Try as hard as we may for

PERFECTION

the net result of our labors is an

amazing variety

of imperfectness.

Page 3: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

1

We are surprised at

our own versatility in being able to

FAIL

in so many different ways.

~ Samuel McChord Crothers

Page 4: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

What are some of the different

faces of perfectionism?

{According to Adelson & Wilson}

Page 5: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Academic Achiever

I must get

Page 6: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

or the world will end.

Page 7: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

I

Aggravated Accuracy Assessors

exactness and fixation on redos

Page 8: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Risk Evaders

If I can't do it perfectly,

I won't even try.

Page 9: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Controlling Image Managers

Page 10: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

I could have it if I wanted it.

{but I'm pretending I don't want it}

Page 11: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Procrastinating

Perfectionists

Page 12: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{I'm putting off

turning in my

work because a

zero for not

turning it in is

not as bad as

earning an 80}

Page 13: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Consequences of

Perfectionism

Page 14: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

please note:

Perfection{ism}

isn't always a problem

Page 15: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

it can be

healthy

{here's how to tell}

Page 16: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

ask these

questions

Page 17: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

does the child

receive

pleasure from

working hard?

Page 18: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

are the child's

standards based on

personal desire

{as opposed to outside pressure}?

Page 19: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

is the child

capable of

relaxing?

Page 20: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

is the child's

work

mastery

{rather than grade} -

oriented?

Page 21: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

the correct

answer to all

of these

questions is

{yes}

Page 22: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

it can also be

{un}healthy

{here's how to tell}

Page 23: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

ask yourself

these

questions

Page 24: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

are the child's

feelings about

his/her effort based

on external

evaluations?

Page 25: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

is the child

incapable of

relaxing or letting

go?

Page 26: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

is the child

motivated by low

self-esteem?

Page 27: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

is the child

unsatisfied with

even a high level of

effort?

Page 28: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

the desirable answer

to these questions is

{no}

Page 29: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

there is a difference between

perfection{ism}

and the pursuit of excellence

Page 30: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Thanks {I think}.

But now what?

Page 31: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

here are some

{big} ideas

and specific techniques

Page 32: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{big}

Page 33: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Excellent is good enough

Page 34: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

strategies

Page 35: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

this

A-

Page 36: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

A+

is as okay as

Page 37: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

encourage

{excellence and mastery}

as opposed to

{perfection}

Page 38: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

from 1 - 5 assign each task a level

Page 39: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

1 just make sure it's done

{little pillows optional}

Page 40: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

do your absolute best

5 {something really important's at stake}

Page 41: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

perfectionists

think everything is

a five

Page 42: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

when really most

tasks are about a

three.

Page 43: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{big}

Page 44: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

What Ithaka has to teach us

Page 45: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

is that it's not about getting there

Page 46: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

It's the

journey,

and it

always was.

Page 47: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

strategies

Page 48: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

kids need to

develop these

traits

Page 49: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

and they do that through reading

and hearing about people who

have them

Page 51: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

or biographies (try ones about

Ernest Shackelton or other

explorers)

Page 52: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{big}

Page 53: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Don't be

your own

worst

enemy.

Page 54: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

strategies

Page 55: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

although the

following quote

is true…

Page 56: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

The harder

you work,

the harder it

is to

surrender. {vince lombardi}

Page 57: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

it is also important to learn

{goal disengagement}

Page 58: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

50

There will

be no

crossing

this bridge

when you

come to it.

Page 59: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

that's not quitting {it's common sense}

Page 60: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

and then you prepare to

re-engage

52

Page 61: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

adults need to teach

kids how to avoid

self-talk mistakes

Page 62: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

they shouldn't hear "I'm

so stupid“ from us

unless it's what we want

them to say

Page 63: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

develop an

"ask, don't tell" policy

Page 64: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

no one likes being

told how to feel

Page 65: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Model strategies for dealing with

{stress}.

This is NOT

the only

strategy!

Page 66: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{big}

Page 67: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Just do it. {nike totally had this right}

Page 68: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

strategies

Page 69: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

there's no need to spend

20 hours on one

assignment {doing it over and over and over}

Page 70: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

don't turn

school

work into

this kind

of thing

Page 71: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

because

even a tea

party gets

old after

awhile

Page 72: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Warning:

due dates are

closer than they

appear

Work is never done.

It’s just due.

Just DO it. paraphrased from Linda Kapfer

Page 73: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Be a

Weeble

and a

Bozo.

Page 74: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

because it

turns out

that a fat, round

bottom is a

really good thing.

Page 75: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Weebles wobble,

but they don't

{fall down}

Page 76: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

we want to teach

kids to rock back

up when they

get knocked down

Page 77: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Resilience is

made

of ordinary

magic.

Page 78: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

This little

girl took

her own

cancer

and used

it to help

others.

Page 79: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{to the

tune of

$45

million} www.alexslemonade.org

Page 80: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

{big}

Page 81: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Sometimes,

failure is

a perfectly

acceptable

option.

Page 82: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids
Page 83: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

strategies

Page 84: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids
Page 85: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

If you get 100 right away,

you will never grow.

Don't try for 100 - try for growing.

Page 86: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

embrace the Amish mistake

Page 87: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

because no one is perfect

Page 88: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Adults must provide

support in

dealing with failure.

{real or perceived}

Page 89: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Have a “favorite mistake”

board in the house or

classroom to share

things that went wrong.

Page 90: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Practice Predictions worst,

best,

most likely

outcome

photo credit vjeran2001 @sxc.hu

Page 91: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

80

"Eeyore,"

said Owl,

"Christopher

Robin is giving a

party."

Page 92: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

80

"Very interesting,"

said Eeyore. "I

suppose they will be

sending me down

the odd bits which

got trodden on.

Kind and thoughtful.

Not at all, don't

mention it."

Page 93: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

81

don't be Eeyore

Page 94: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

82

because everyone

is NOT really

against you

Page 95: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Just jump.

Page 96: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

Don't stand in

the shallow end

forever.

Page 97: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

ask: is it my problem, or does it

belong to someone else? {because there is no sense stealing other people’s problems}

Page 98: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

I’ll let Voltaire have

the last word on this.

Page 99: Perfectionism: The Occupational Hazard of Raising Gifted Kids

The perfect is the enemy of the good.