MIT Communications Handout April 2009 - c.ymcdn.com Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World. ... The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around
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Body Language
Things that can be said
without a word
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Learning Objectives
Participants should leave knowing:
• the 3 elements of a message
• how to “read” some nonverbal messages
• how to use nonverbal cues to get
their message across accurately
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Elements of a Message
Human communication consists of 3 elements:
• Linguistic
• Paralinguistic
• Nonlinguistic
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Nonverbal Communication
• Up to 93% of communication is paralinguistic
or nonverbal
• Body language usually prevails over words
• Most give-away body movement cues
are unconscious activities
• To win someone over, mirror his/her body
language
Source: “Body Language Speaks Volumes”, www. lifepositive.com
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Nonverbal Communication
Gestures are Culture-based
• Looking people in the eyes
• Waving to get someone’s attention
• The “OK” sign
• Nodding head “yes”, shaking head “no”
• Thumbs up as “yes” “great” “I agree”
Source: Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Aroundthe World. John Wiley & Sons, 1991.
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Nonverbal Communication
Personal Space
• Varies by culture
• Personal distance
A. Strangers
B. Acquaintances
C. Close friends and family
• Extending personal space with personal objects
A. Saving a seat
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Nonverbal CommunicationElevator Behavior
When __X___ people enter an elevator, they each...
oneortwo
...lean against the walls of the elevator.
four ...occupy a corner.
fiveorsix
...all turn to face the door.
...get taller and thinner.
...hands and purses and briefcases hang down in front ofthe body, or "fig leaf position."...must not touch each other in any way unless the elevatoris crowded, and then only at the shoulder or lightly againstthe upper arm....have a tendency to look upward at the illuminated floorindicator.
Source: Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World. JohnWiley & Sons, 1991.
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Nonverbal Communication
Body Movements• Leaning forward, open body, open hands are
signs of being attentive (Responsive)• Stroking chin, looking up and right, legs crossed
ankle on knee indicate evaluative thought (men) (Reflective)
• Staring into space, slumped posture, doodling and foot taping indicate boredom (Fugitive)
• Sitting or moving back, arms folded, legs crossed indicate rejection, disagreement, closed mind (Combative) Source: Decoding Body Language, John Mole, www.johnmole.com
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Nonverbal CommunicationFacial Expression
• A “falling” face, biting nails, chewing end of
pen/pencil, looking away while talking are signs of
insecurity, lack of confidence and stress.
• Rubbing behind an ear, touching nose with index
finger, rolling eyes indicate dislike, doubt, and
uncertainty.
• Facial gestures should be “read” in clusters and only
indicate a person’s feeling at the moment.
source: Understanding Body Language of Colleagues, Anil Bhatnagar,
www.lifepositive.com
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Nonverbal CommunicationThe Smile
• There are over 50 different types of human smiles
• Eighty facial muscles are involved in smiling
• A smile means the same thing in every culture:-- “I’m friendly”-- “I’m happy to see or meet you”-- “I like you”
• Genuine smiles “crest” or change rapidly from asmall facial movement to a broad expression
source: Body Language Speaks Volumes, www.lifepositive.com
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Nonverbal Communication
Conclusions• “Good communicators” are aware of, and use, all 3
elements of a message --- words, inflection/
tone/pauses, and body language
• Be sure to “read” body language in meetings, one-to-
one interactions, and in public presentations
• Adapt your communication to fit the body language --
if people are bored, change something (the topic, your
inflection, physical position - yours or theirs)
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Listening Styles
Adapting your listening style to
improve communications
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Listening Styles Objectives
• Provide participants with information about
four listening styles/orientations
• Make participants aware of their preferred
listening style through use of a profile
• Help participants adapt their listening
behavior to fit situations and to
accommodate others’ styles
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Listening Style Preferences
Preferences are innate but……..
Behavior is chosen
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Listening Habits
Listening style preferences are habitual
responses that have been practiced
and reinforced since childhood
Listening habits are automatic in adults
Listening habits can be modified with
awareness, incentive and practice
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Listening Styles
People-oriented- concerned for others’ feelings
Action-oriented- impatient with rambling speakers
Content-oriented- prefer facts and detail
Time-oriented- set time constraints for meetings & conversations
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Pros and Cons of Listening Styles
Pros
• Care for others
• Clear verbal and non-
verbal feedback
• Like to build
relationships
• Recognize emotional
states of others
People-oriented
Cons• May be over-involved in
others’ feelings
• Fail to see faults in those
they like
• Adopt emotional states of
others
• Overly expressive with
feedback
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Pros and Cons of Listening Styles
Pros
• Get to point quickly
• Clear feedback and
expectations
• Task-oriented
• Encourage others to
be concise
• Identify errors and
inconsistencies
Action-oriented
Cons• Impatient with rambling
speakers
• Jump to conclusions quickly
• Finish sentences of others
• Appear overly critical
• Minimize or don’t
recognize relationship issues
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Pros and Cons of Listening Styles
Pros
• Value technical information
• Test for clarity and
understanding
• Encourage others to support
ideas & opinions with facts
• Look at all sides of an issue
Content-oriented
Cons• Overly detail oriented
• Intimidate others with pointed
questions
• Minimize the value of
non-technical info (feelings)
• Discount information from
“non-experts”
• May take a long time to make
decisions
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Pros and Cons of Listening Styles
Pros
• Manage time well
• Set and keep time limits for
meetings and conversations
• Give cues to others when
they are wasting time
• Tell others their time
requirements very clearly
Time-oriented
Cons• Impatient with “time wasters”
• Interrupt others
• Rush speakers by looking at
watch or clock repeatedly
• Limit creativity with time
pressures
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Multiple Preferences / No Preference
• Not unusual to have two or more preferences
-- 40% of U.S. population has high scores in two categories
• Preference may change based on situation
• A significant number of people have no
listener-orientation preferences; these people
tend to avoid listening situations -- they prefer
other communication channels
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Factors that Determine Style Used
• Stress (revert to strongest preference)
• Time pressure (become time-oriented)
• Interest in speaker/topic
• Setting (work, home, party, church etc.)
• Presence of significant other
• Energy level when listening
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Guidelines for Using Styles
• People-oriented when relationship with speaker is
desirable and when setting is informal or intimate
• Action-oriented when listener has low energy level
and setting is formal
• Content-oriented when listener is interested in
speaker/topic and setting is professional or topic
business-related
• Time-oriented when time pressure exists or task is
more important than relationship with speaker
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Cues for Reading OthersEnvironmental Cues
• Personal pictures on wall
• Personal objects on desk
• Symmetrical office furniture
• Desk organizer
• Neat stacks on desk
• Reference books nearby
• Clocks visible from desk
• Has computer or assistant
remind him/her of
appointments.
Personal Cues
• Good eye contact
• Smiles/nods frequently
• Brisk walk and speech
• Doodling/tapping/shifting
• Serious expression
• Combative tone
• Looks at watch often
• Rushes visitors
• Impatient expressions
P
A
C
T
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Strategies for Communicating
People-oriented• Use stories and illustrations that have
human interest
• Use “we” rather than “I” in conversation
• Appeal to their emotions/sympathy
• Show vulnerability if appropriate
• Use self-effacing humor
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Strategies for Communicating
Action-oriented• Keep main points to 3 or less
• Keep presentations concise
• Propose step-by-step plans and label steps
• Vary pitch and tone of voice to maintain
their attention
• Speak quickly
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Strategies for Communicating
Content-oriented• Discuss both sides of the topic
• Provide data as backup for opinions
• Suggest logical sequences and plans
• Use charts and graphs
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Strategies for Communicating
Time-oriented• Find out time constraints up front
• Go under the time limit when possible
• Leave out extraneous information
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Gender Differences in Listening
Overall women tend to prefer the people-
oriented listening style while men prefer the
content or action-oriented style.
Women are more relationship-oriented in
listening while men are more task-oriented.
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Gender Differences in Listening
There are also gender differences in:
• conversational sensitivity
• interrupting behavior
• empathy
• situational contexts
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Gender Differences in Listening
In multiple listening preferences:
• Women tend toward people/content
• Men tend toward action/content
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Summary
• Figure out your listening preference then
use awareness of listening styles to vary
your style to suit the situation
• Assess the listening preferences of your
listeners and adapt your presentation or
conversation appropriately
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Summary
• Work on improving your listening through
the following:
-- focus full attention on the speaker
-- take notes and organize them for more
easily accessible information
-- ask for feedback on your listening
(i.e. do others perceive you as
a “good listener”? Why or why not?)
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Inter-Gender Communication
Communicating across cultural lines
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Objectives• Understand communication differences based on
male and female cultures
• Learn the internal “rules” used by each gender culture
• Understand the clash of cultures in the workplace
• Learn how to improve workplace communication across genders
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Culture
An integrated pattern of indigenous
knowledge, beliefs and behaviors that are
successfully transmitted from one
generation to the next.
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The Bell Curve
Ultra FeminineLikes to
Playwith Dolls
Tomboy Manly
Man
WOMEN MEN
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Basic Facts• Men function in hierarchical structures and are
often more goal focused.
• Women prefer flat structures.
• Women do some relationship building first.
• Allow people to be linear or to multi-task.
• Recognize when people want to process and when
they want the bottom line.
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THANK YOU!
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