MIT Communications Handout April 2009 - c.ymcdn.com Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World. ... The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around

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Body Language

Things that can be said

without a word


Learning Objectives

Participants should leave knowing:

• the 3 elements of a message

• how to “read” some nonverbal messages

• how to use nonverbal cues to get

their message across accurately


Elements of a Message

Human communication consists of 3 elements:

• Linguistic

• Paralinguistic

• Nonlinguistic


Nonverbal Communication

• Up to 93% of communication is paralinguistic

or nonverbal

• Body language usually prevails over words

• Most give-away body movement cues

are unconscious activities

• To win someone over, mirror his/her body

language

Source: “Body Language Speaks Volumes”, www. lifepositive.com



Gestures are Culture-based

• Looking people in the eyes

• Waving to get someone’s attention

• The “OK” sign

• Nodding head “yes”, shaking head “no”

• Thumbs up as “yes” “great” “I agree”

Source: Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Aroundthe World. John Wiley & Sons, 1991.



Personal Space

• Varies by culture

• Personal distance

A. Strangers

B. Acquaintances

C. Close friends and family

• Extending personal space with personal objects

A. Saving a seat


Nonverbal CommunicationElevator Behavior

When __X___ people enter an elevator, they each...

oneortwo

...lean against the walls of the elevator.

four ...occupy a corner.

fiveorsix

...all turn to face the door.

...get taller and thinner.

...hands and purses and briefcases hang down in front ofthe body, or "fig leaf position."...must not touch each other in any way unless the elevatoris crowded, and then only at the shoulder or lightly againstthe upper arm....have a tendency to look upward at the illuminated floorindicator.

Source: Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World. JohnWiley & Sons, 1991.



Body Movements• Leaning forward, open body, open hands are

signs of being attentive (Responsive)• Stroking chin, looking up and right, legs crossed

ankle on knee indicate evaluative thought (men) (Reflective)

• Staring into space, slumped posture, doodling and foot taping indicate boredom (Fugitive)

• Sitting or moving back, arms folded, legs crossed indicate rejection, disagreement, closed mind (Combative) Source: Decoding Body Language, John Mole, www.johnmole.com


Nonverbal CommunicationFacial Expression

• A “falling” face, biting nails, chewing end of

pen/pencil, looking away while talking are signs of

insecurity, lack of confidence and stress.

• Rubbing behind an ear, touching nose with index

finger, rolling eyes indicate dislike, doubt, and

uncertainty.

• Facial gestures should be “read” in clusters and only

indicate a person’s feeling at the moment.

source: Understanding Body Language of Colleagues, Anil Bhatnagar,

www.lifepositive.com


Nonverbal CommunicationThe Smile

• There are over 50 different types of human smiles

• Eighty facial muscles are involved in smiling

• A smile means the same thing in every culture:-- “I’m friendly”-- “I’m happy to see or meet you”-- “I like you”

• Genuine smiles “crest” or change rapidly from asmall facial movement to a broad expression

source: Body Language Speaks Volumes, www.lifepositive.com



Conclusions• “Good communicators” are aware of, and use, all 3

elements of a message --- words, inflection/

tone/pauses, and body language

• Be sure to “read” body language in meetings, one-to-

one interactions, and in public presentations

• Adapt your communication to fit the body language --

if people are bored, change something (the topic, your

inflection, physical position - yours or theirs)


Listening Styles

Adapting your listening style to

improve communications


Listening Styles Objectives

• Provide participants with information about

four listening styles/orientations

• Make participants aware of their preferred

listening style through use of a profile

• Help participants adapt their listening

behavior to fit situations and to

accommodate others’ styles


Listening Style Preferences

Preferences are innate but……..

Behavior is chosen


Listening Habits

Listening style preferences are habitual

responses that have been practiced

and reinforced since childhood

Listening habits are automatic in adults

Listening habits can be modified with

awareness, incentive and practice


Listening Styles

People-oriented- concerned for others’ feelings

Action-oriented- impatient with rambling speakers

Content-oriented- prefer facts and detail

Time-oriented- set time constraints for meetings & conversations


Pros and Cons of Listening Styles

Pros

• Care for others

• Clear verbal and non-

verbal feedback

• Like to build

relationships

• Recognize emotional

states of others

People-oriented

Cons• May be over-involved in

others’ feelings

• Fail to see faults in those

they like

• Adopt emotional states of

others

• Overly expressive with

feedback



Pros

• Get to point quickly

• Clear feedback and

expectations

• Task-oriented

• Encourage others to

be concise

• Identify errors and

inconsistencies

Action-oriented

Cons• Impatient with rambling

speakers

• Jump to conclusions quickly

• Finish sentences of others

• Appear overly critical

• Minimize or don’t

recognize relationship issues



Pros

• Value technical information

• Test for clarity and

understanding

• Encourage others to support

ideas & opinions with facts

• Look at all sides of an issue

Content-oriented

Cons• Overly detail oriented

• Intimidate others with pointed

questions

• Minimize the value of

non-technical info (feelings)

• Discount information from

“non-experts”

• May take a long time to make

decisions



Pros

• Manage time well

• Set and keep time limits for

meetings and conversations

• Give cues to others when

they are wasting time

• Tell others their time

requirements very clearly

Time-oriented

Cons• Impatient with “time wasters”

• Interrupt others

• Rush speakers by looking at

watch or clock repeatedly

• Limit creativity with time

pressures


Multiple Preferences / No Preference

• Not unusual to have two or more preferences

-- 40% of U.S. population has high scores in two categories

• Preference may change based on situation

• A significant number of people have no

listener-orientation preferences; these people

tend to avoid listening situations -- they prefer

other communication channels


Factors that Determine Style Used

• Stress (revert to strongest preference)

• Time pressure (become time-oriented)

• Interest in speaker/topic

• Setting (work, home, party, church etc.)

• Presence of significant other

• Energy level when listening


Guidelines for Using Styles

• People-oriented when relationship with speaker is

desirable and when setting is informal or intimate

• Action-oriented when listener has low energy level

and setting is formal

• Content-oriented when listener is interested in

speaker/topic and setting is professional or topic

business-related

• Time-oriented when time pressure exists or task is

more important than relationship with speaker


Cues for Reading OthersEnvironmental Cues

• Personal pictures on wall

• Personal objects on desk

• Symmetrical office furniture

• Desk organizer

• Neat stacks on desk

• Reference books nearby

• Clocks visible from desk

• Has computer or assistant

remind him/her of

appointments.

Personal Cues

• Good eye contact

• Smiles/nods frequently

• Brisk walk and speech

• Doodling/tapping/shifting

• Serious expression

• Combative tone

• Looks at watch often

• Rushes visitors

• Impatient expressions

P

A

C

T


Strategies for Communicating

People-oriented• Use stories and illustrations that have

human interest

• Use “we” rather than “I” in conversation

• Appeal to their emotions/sympathy

• Show vulnerability if appropriate

• Use self-effacing humor



Action-oriented• Keep main points to 3 or less

• Keep presentations concise

• Propose step-by-step plans and label steps

• Vary pitch and tone of voice to maintain

their attention

• Speak quickly



Content-oriented• Discuss both sides of the topic

• Provide data as backup for opinions

• Suggest logical sequences and plans

• Use charts and graphs



Time-oriented• Find out time constraints up front

• Go under the time limit when possible

• Leave out extraneous information


Gender Differences in Listening

Overall women tend to prefer the people-

oriented listening style while men prefer the

content or action-oriented style.

Women are more relationship-oriented in

listening while men are more task-oriented.



There are also gender differences in:

• conversational sensitivity

• interrupting behavior

• empathy

• situational contexts



In multiple listening preferences:

• Women tend toward people/content

• Men tend toward action/content


Summary

• Figure out your listening preference then

use awareness of listening styles to vary

your style to suit the situation

• Assess the listening preferences of your

listeners and adapt your presentation or

conversation appropriately


Summary

• Work on improving your listening through

the following:

-- focus full attention on the speaker

-- take notes and organize them for more

easily accessible information

-- ask for feedback on your listening

(i.e. do others perceive you as

a “good listener”? Why or why not?)


Inter-Gender Communication

Communicating across cultural lines


Objectives• Understand communication differences based on

male and female cultures

• Learn the internal “rules” used by each gender culture

• Understand the clash of cultures in the workplace

• Learn how to improve workplace communication across genders


Culture

An integrated pattern of indigenous

knowledge, beliefs and behaviors that are

successfully transmitted from one

generation to the next.


The Bell Curve

Ultra FeminineLikes to

Playwith Dolls

Tomboy Manly

Man

WOMEN MEN


Basic Facts• Men function in hierarchical structures and are

often more goal focused.

• Women prefer flat structures.

• Women do some relationship building first.

• Allow people to be linear or to multi-task.

• Recognize when people want to process and when

they want the bottom line.


THANK YOU!

MIT Communications Handout April 2009 - c.ymcdn.com Axtell, Roger E. Gestures: The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World. ... The Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around

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