I IiJ IIS I - University of Floridaufdcimages.uflib.ufl.edu/UF/00/04/87/34/00342/00458.pdf · 2009-05-12 · goes off and ia ten second my lair stands oop Dot woice vhas shust like-I

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THE OCALA BANNER a

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r The Cobbler I

And Societu

Hb Old Friend Mr Dinkmaa Advises

Hila to Get Into It ForBurey Sake

day ben I dont hat no cob

SOME to do und elef I shallup iu Ur poorhouse my

trend Diuknuui rouses inalai says I

Hans I tell you chat vhas der mut-ter

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You dont make society enoughSociety means peetmeHB Der more so-ciety der more pcoHiie If you enter-tain

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society In der veilings Hoeietybrings you shoes to mend by daylight

Hut how can I be society I saysflfetMt sfe easy Huh grease Do you

knew That some phonographs vhasSeem to me I hear shoed her but I

4aaao Does she safe 10 per cent In

heirNX BO She Than some machine like

m era heller You speak into der hop

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IX mow you HOW SHE WORKS

jter und your woke comes back to youI hat one at ma house und if you vhillgif a leetle party I chill bring her oopwad wa shall baf more fun ash seven8OtNd a monkey You cn Inwltet rNpeoplss und dot vhill be society0 tied apeak to your wife aboud her

I talk tilt my wife for half an hourwmm age says It vas all right Afterwaahlaff uad ironing all day und mindlag del He uad der baby she likes sodety la 4er eaveaings Dot pleases MrTMakanin sad der next night he vhaa-am band tilt its wife und phonographwmm I haf sight B ore peoples After wehaf store beer und ice cream und speakm leatla politics Mr Dlnkman standsNF Lindssr

Ladles und shentlemen dis partyThas gifea by Hans und his wife to be I

la society und hat more shoes to cob I

tie She vhas phonograph party umlThen she vhas oafer Hans vhill surelyhe In der swim

Dot makes me und my wife undi eaferybody else feed good und Mr

Diukman stands out some more like aleetle mans unit plains dot machineIt vhas one of der greatest things ouearth She vhas bigger dan Napoleonor Christopher Columbus It der Span-ish

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haf dot machine at Manila Deweyhas gone in two minutes If Blancohaf him at Havana we shall not takeCuba in one hoonored years Dinkmanmakes It all so nice dot if he ask me

Ito h id him two dollar till next week1 sill cheerfully da BO Vhen lie doantBjicaU guy more he says

Ve shall now listen to dot song ofDer Sweet By anti By ash sung by j

my frifiil linns a few dnys ago I I

like to hat oaferbody keep still un1 I

S shot some tear I

lie start > back teal tier machine I

goes off and ia ten second my lair I

stands oop Dot woice vhas shust like-n woke though it sings some soursI neffer heard It vims all about how-I met some young womans by dermoonlight und der cider mill und howmy heart has breaking if she doaut° try avhay mit me Und when dot songsods oop It makes me say dot my oldWomans vhas cross eyed and red head ¬

ed und I like her to fall down a wellEaferbody looks at me und caut makehim out und der old womans says sheThill see me later aboutdot moonlightpeesness I tries to stop Mr Dlnkmauby winking und shaking my head buthe goes ahead shust der same undsays

We shall now listen to anoddersong by dot same German cobblerwhose woke you all know so well undwho vhas like some nightingale SheThas a song called Dose HarborLights Vhas Burning und if anybodyhas crying hen she vhas finished itThas all right und a great compliment-to our trend Now listen

Dot machine goes again und dotsong vhas all about an old sport whoput his last dollar on a game of pokertoad though he held three aces be hasbluffed out by a mans mit only a pair oftea spots Eaferybody turns und looksat me again und my wife vhas crylag und says It vhas better It I bangmyself in der wood shed I cant seehow he Thas und I wave my hand atDiakman to stop her but he onlyaaailea aad says

Maybe dot singing vhas enoughfar oae eavenings ash it seems to hatmade eaferbody werry sad und tearf1IJl shall BeW let d0t phonographspeak to you aad you will recognizedeli well kaowa woke of our friendwile Ides to get late society und cutm siYb Hear vet be says

TJa4 4et apeaUag almost knocks me-at Det aachla yells and whoops

wmm swears like some pirates Ittakes ate call MBea a myself itMakes me swear ea IBy old womanwmm tar preacher uad It makes meMy 4et atyr g ed tread Carl Schmidt

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vbas a gay old sport a masher und abilker it makes me pitch into PeerLittlefield und call him a thief itmakes me say dot Henry KiienlVlutstole cows it yells oudt dot all won ¬

ans hug gossips und liars uud dot allmen ought to be in state prison-

I feel dot I like to be a tousaudmiles avhay uud hit Diukmau knit aclub But der baddest vhas still tocome Der machine winds oop bysaying dot Sing Sing vhas my homeund dot I dont care for nobody nornottiugs so long ash I cau get all derwhisky I like to drink I thus somad I like to go oafer und kick it allto pieces but my old friend Schmidtsteps oop to me uud says

ilaus you vhill sit down somemore und keep a leetle still If youvbas some villains iu disguise uud itseems like you vhas it vhas time derpooblic knows about her I haf knownyou feefteen year und I belief youvhas a sober hardworking mans butit seems I vhas deceived I like to goout und get a policemans and hat yousent to shall

Und den Dlnkman puts in und sayshe hears me speak a poem into dotmachine at 12 oclock at night vben-I should be home und in bed mit mywife Dot poem has called Bingen-on der Rhine und he says I haf tearsin my eyes ash I speak him He likeseaferbody to listen vhlie dot machinegoes ahead Maybe I vhas not soocha bad mans dot I cannot be reformedVhell dot machine goes along und-I tell you I has like fainting avhayIn my chair It vhas sooch awful lan-guage

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dot eaferbody turns pale undstands oop nnd then I calls out tostop tier Carl Schmidt stands oop undwafos his hand to me und says

Cobbler P demand dot you keepquiet Now dot I see that a villainsyou bas I wonder dot you dont cutyour wifes throat some night Keep-it oop Mr Dinkman Let us know derworst about dis mans

Und Dinkman has so tickled dot he I

cant stand still Dot phonograph makesI

mo sing und swear some more mid itwake fun of all my friends und says-I shall run avhay froth my wife next I

week It sing und swears und whoops I

und yells und by and by it calls out toall der peoples in a loud voice

Hello you crowd of Dutch duffersHow you vhas I like to see howyou would all look in some dime muse-ums

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Mit dot eaferybody shumps oop to<<avhay und my old womans fallsdown und wants to die right off Myfriend Dinkman likes to go avhay mitder rest but I catch him by her neckund say

My trend I chill now speak somemore into dot phonograph She vhasa wonderful machine You vhas a I

shoker und dot machine vhas a shokerHa ha bar

How you mean says DlnkmanI mean dot I vhas some shoker too i

und I new glf you anodder song SheI

vhas called How Dinkman Goes Out ¬I

doors und I show you how sheworks I

Und I take dot shoker by her neckagain und slam him around und bang I

him oop till he yells for mercy undsays he vhas sorry und vhill neffer be i

funny againHe tells all der peDpIes dot it Chas T

only some shokes but nobody believes l

him uud dot night my wife vhas faint i

lug avhay most all der time It vhas I

awful bad for me I doant get into I

some society und I doaut haf some j

shoes to mend nest day und Carl t

Schmidt says I lose my reputation undtbring up in state prison for der rest of

my days M QUADtI

Mental EffortuIt is stated we observe to the bald i

headed man that the hair of mental I

workers falls out sootier tlftui that of i

men in other lines of endeavor Is i

your profession one of great mentaleffort V

hIt certainly IP he replies ur com f

pose the glowing adverth enents of I

hair tonics Judge I

There the iRub I

Dremer If I could only acquire anice pile of money I wouldnt do athing f travel-

SkemerYes but maybe the policewouldnt do a thing but stop youCatholic Standard and Times

Papas Idol

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jHow ridiculous for you to fall in

love with that artist I dont believe-he ever sold a picture

But papa he says if he marries mebe wint have t-

out et Wild Geesehigh

so-heads

our-Above

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We hear your pinions hissAsInarrows

northward now you fly I

Just I

likethis I

Chicago Chronlclaif-

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Some Clever Sayings-

By Bright Little Tots

ARGIEDo people get into heav-en

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I N freeJohunie No of course not

They have to be good

Papa are there such things as locksof hair

Certainly my sorrAnd is a wigmaker a locksmith

papa

Tommy said the teacher can youtell me the meaning of repentant

Yes maam answered Tomm-yIts how a fellow feels when he gets

caught at it

Mamma Willie did you see anyonetake my blackberry jam from the pan

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Willie whose mouth looks suspiciousMamma I guess I must be like some

of the Bible people who had eyes uudsaw not-

Doctor

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to Gilbert aged four Putyour tongue out please

Little Gilbert protruded the tip of histongue I

Doctor No no put it right outIuI cant doctor its fastened on br

me

Now Freddie said his mother whowas entertaining company you must I

not talk while the ladies are talking It I

isnt politeHuh exclaimed Freddie in disgust-

Do you want me to grow up and be a-

dummyChicago NewsI

His Guarantee I

A local horse dealer recently bought-a

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horse of a colored citizen and sug-gested

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that the latter give a guaranteethat tbe animal was as good as repre-sented

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To this the colored brother demurred i

4I don uevah give no gualirantees j

when I sells a boss he expostulatedIWell want a guarantee the deal-

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persisted Its largely a matter of I

form perhaps but I want it just the i

sameSo the colored man sought pen ink I

and paper and presently returned withthis somewhat surprising document I

To whom it may concern I heahby j

agree dat he said boss is free from allincumbrancis whatsoevab ClevelandPlain Dealer-

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Strmac Animal I

Mrs Johnson was the owner of a fac-tory

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building which brought in miretrouble than rent To cap the climax-an

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unknown man sued her because hisson had fallen down the cellar stairs

Mr and Mrs Johnson discussed theImpending lawsuit In all its phaseswithout noticing the interest of theirfiveyearold daughter To their greatsurprise the child suddenly exclaimed-at breakfast-

Oh mamma I wish I could see yourlawsuit Lippineotts Ingaz-

ineWThe

Vital Qaento

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learned so much at cooking I

school I I

HeDid you learn how to keep a-

cookSt Louis PostDispatch I

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Already ThereOf course said Miss Pert if he

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should propose to you you will accepthimI I

dont know replied Miss Passay-I should want to be sure that he will

love me when I am oUl I

But his proposal will be proof thathe does wont it Philadelphia Ledg-er

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The Point of ViewThe Beauty Ive had lots of poems

written to me both serious and hu ¬ f

morous but Ive kept only the serious I

onesI

The Other GirlThey were betterthan the others j

Oh no but they were much funnierSmart Set

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A Sare Sign I

When the grass Is faintly greening in theshelter of the fence IWhen the daring maple blossoms makethe tree tops shadow dense

When the baby dandelions peep above thechilly mold f

Hiding in their startled bosoms all their J

wealth of splintered gold tThen we rightly may conjecture that thespring is drawing nigh I

With its snowy clouds asailing in a seaof purple sky x

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But the only sign thats certain youve I

observed like as not i

Is the bunch thats batting grounders on J

the old back lot I

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Mickey Peters Fatty Johnson SkinnyBrown and Nosey Watts

Lhnpy Wilson Buster Thompson and thatsassy Rabbit PottsThis the gang that pools their pennies and

their nickels and their dimes +

Kicking as they note the total on the fhardness of the timesThen they go and buy a bat or two and

bargain for a baliThough they owe the man a little when

theyve pungled up their allBut we know that springs approaching-

that its nearly on the spotWhen we see the bunch bat ground ra

the old back lotBaltimore America >

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u Owed to Spring

N the early days of Apri Das of sinIic wet r r rain

Mother rallies all her forcedOpus up the spring a pxign

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First we ctrry out the sofai Bank it round with every chair

Bedstead bureau mattress taeI Till the house looks gaunt and bareI

Still ve show no weak reXntingrFor the carpets still or floors

And all down things must cone up¬

wardAnd be carried out of doors

I When the rooms are hare and emptyTis the point where mother looms

Large upon our near horizonArmed with rags and mops and

brooms

Also pails of soapy waterAnd perhaps some air slacked lime

Go to swell enthusasmIn the glad house cleaning time

Oh the joy of pasting paperOn the ceilings and the walls

Oh the sweet smell of the varnishOn the woodwork in the halls

Oh how nice to sort the cupboardWhere we keep our cures for Ills

See the lotions powders potionsLiniments and salves and pills

Now we eat our dinner standingAll around the kitchen range-

If we get too tired on one footThen we make a little change

With our lumbar muscles achingAnd the biceps like to crack

With what joyous looks and actionsWe begin to put things back

Oh the gay and glad house cleaningAll its joys I may not speak-

I must save my breath and muscleWe expect to clean next week

Wallace Martin in Chicago RecordHerald

Merely MislaidDoctor said the man who several

weeks before had been operated on for I

appendicitis Im all right except for-a heavy feeling in the pit of my stom-ach

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and a slight metallic rattling when-I walk

There exclaimed the M D slap-ping

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Ills thigh I knew that case ofsurgical instruments would turn upeventually Will you pay me for themand keep them or shall I remove themThe cost will be about the sameHouston Post

ShakespeareanFather in the hall has been standing

for half an hour while MHliceut andHarold bid each other good night inthe doorway

Parting quotes Harold Issuch sweet sorrow that I could saygood night till

At this speech father gets a Shake-spearean

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inspiration of his own andtramps down the stairs

Seems to me he asserts thatthere is too much adieu about nothinghere Judge

A Ckarelt Fare

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Leslies Weekly f

ISomething Doing Rhht AwayOb dear saId Mrs Sphler to Mr

Spider looking down from her web outbe shelf of the dry goons store I amafraid that we have got to move I

Whats the trouble now dear asked Mr Spider in surprise We havelived with this kind storekeeper formany months

Yes dear I know we have saidMrs Spider with a sigh But he hasbegun to advertise Somerville Jour-nal

Those Pleat HappeningsAnnie at the dinner table had kept

her hands under the table when shesuddenly popped out the question

Guess what I have under the tableWhy your hands of course an¬

swered mother-No she almost yelled Ive got a

belly acheNew York Globe

StrategyBorroughsHello old man They say

you lost a lot of money on the racesGayman displaying his roll gleeful-

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Ha ha That doesnt look like itdoes it-

BorroughsXo Say lend me tenwill youCatholic Standard anuTimes

Net Par3c larHe Which one is she going to ac

oept the lieutenant or the colonelSheOh it isnt a question ot rank

I

you know I

He No Whaf is it thenSheIts a question of which one pro

poses firstDetroit Free Press

NamberedDeacon JonesThe hairs of our head

are all numbered you knowPewbary So ae the automobiles

but then theres so much grease onthem you cant read themshalf the time

Boston Transcript

Wise ClanMother said Mr Popley guardedly-

to his wife why not take the youngster to the mattinee tomorrow-

Pa chimed in the youngster quiet-ly

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there Is only one f matineePhiladelphia Press

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KING 0F LINIMENTS irK

CURBS RHEUMATISM AND ALL PAINsa+rts waaseaus

CU RES oertasianai rrrssAOKAC-

MKEXAD

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arrrr cesa srMlaa tosshio >ra wattlraataarb arMai rutraaia aaa au wraraners

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iia11 IIMAfl CUREX was larch ate with tbetiMis writes

BdCNmdIowavilleSdgwickOJa-boat

> ogoa cratches and aiM a dealt

I was iadaced to try BallardaSoowIiuanent whiderred sse aftv a iota 50e battlM ITISTH9G-KBAXBST UNHUJNTI BVBRUSKDhavrvmm uArA M b a ys bag atjBCXSOaW all Ithemselves as bdaff bray by BOW walkwithout cratches aid mm able to perform a sosdeal of lightlabor oa tbe hrs

THREE SIZES 2Sc5Oc AND 100 7

BALLARD SNOW LINIMENTST LOWS U Sa A

atSOLD AND RECOMMENDED BY

ALL DRUGGISTS

4One and Twohorse Hay Presses

Tedders w

Mowers Rakes 7

Knife Grinders-A Complete Stock of Repairs

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Both Deering and McCormickLx

MARION H0RDW0RE COMPANY

p 4AtAA tWe keep a full stok ofLOOK FOR Jd Jos zTIlE SEAL Old Hare st I iB4B Old McBrayer

I Mark Rogers 8Old Charter I s

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fflt Vernon I-

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Srads WsiskeyA Ii

An UUPX acted Visitor iMay be an old friend or a-

newL-

S business acquaintance f 8Be ready for him with a AI case of assorted whiskiesrye burbon Scotch Irisht brandies wines etc We lwill put you up a dozen ormore quart bottles to meet RYEZ just such emergencies andyoull not go broke tI either paying for the good l r

goods we supply V c

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I OC0LA HOUSE WINE ROOMS I pIS SSSSSSSsssRETAIL PRICE LIST OF

WHISKIES WINES BEERAND MALT1E

S2PEESS PUPAI ifQuit SpaJugs freeNot prepaid ztFull Qt Measure 4 Qts 6Qts t QtsHunting Club Rve 2 65 sq o0 f7 oo SIS 200

io per gallon Rye Gin Con Good Grade ilNelson County Rye pet gallon i

290 4 35 75 > sMonogram Rve 5 20 4 60 8 oo Rye Gin Corn Rum Fine Quality 3 soper galSocialHannes

Drops44 Rye r 3 75 5 oo 950 Rye Gin Corn Knm Best for the money Jt

4 So 6 50 12 00 93 00 pn galMalt Whiskey 375 5 oo 950Peach Brandy 44 Rye Peach and apple brandy Mellowea 3 75 5 oo-

Soo9 50Apple Brandy 3 75 95 by age oo per gal

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4 35 735 Victoria Rye Social Drops Rye Medical qualityNorthCarolinaCoru 375 500 9 SO LEMP ST IOUIS BEER Peraasz 6s 400 TOOMountain Cora Fmlstaff 11 MJamacia Rum 4

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SO Extra r I t tiStandar-dPaleMedford Kurt i M3 SS 009 T > x5 Malt extra dart >Grape Brandy 375 Soo 9 tisKing of Kentucky Burbora 3 75 500 9

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Assortmtnt Allowed on all Qaads of Sims GuiaaeM Stout pints s-

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ANNE BROSJacksonville26258 West Adams Sttr s

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