Families for Child & Youth Mental Health Parents’ Lifelines Karen Hanna Program Coordinator Parents’ Lifelines The Resilient Advocate.

Families for Child & Youth Mental Health

Parents’ Lifelines

Karen HannaProgram Coordinator

Parents’ Lifelines

The Resilient Advocate

The Resilient AdvocateDisclaimerThis is a GENERALIZED discussion. It is not to be interpreted as specific advice in a specific situation.Every situation is unique and requires advice to be tailored and adapted to that situation. If you are looking for advice about a specific situation or child/youth with mental health issues, speak with a health professional!

Who We Are

PLEO is a non profit volunteer driven organization that supports families with children, youth & young adults living with mental illness

Incorporated in 2000

www.pleo.on.ca

Our Goals

EDUCATESUPPORT EMPOWER

What We Do Operate a Parents’ Lifelines Helpline

Facilitate 3 monthly parent support groups

Issue helpful monthly newsletters

Operate the Source

We advocate for mental health services

Represent the family voice on community committees

Other Community Initiatives

Suicide Prevention Network

Parent’s Lifelines 2012

Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Initiatives in the schools

Training for teachers and students

workshops for families

Increased emphasis on family engagement:

new family engagement workshop for service providers

increased workshops to increase knowledge

Increased conversations - reduced stigma

Mental Health & Resiliency

Mental health and resiliency:Life satisfaction in youth is most correlated with strong family relationships and the happiness of parents; contrary to the popular misconception that children only want to play video games or watch TV, children are in fact most happy when interacting with parents or siblings.

Understanding Society Study, UK Economic and Social Research Council, 2011

The Ottawa Public Health Survey 2012 : 28% of Ottawa students in grades reported

excellent health 1 in 3 reported elevated physiological stress 12 % have seriously considered attempting suicide

in the past year 28 % of students have reported they were bullied

on school property in the past year 1 in 5 students reported that they had been bullied on the internet at least once in the past year

Mental Health Statistics1 in 5 youth will experience mental illness

Only 1 in 6 of them receives treatment

Changing these statistics is everyone’s responsibility

Mental Health Warning Signs in Youth

Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol

Changes Inability to cope with daily problems and activities

Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits

Excessive complaints of physical problems

Defying authority, skipping school, stealing, or damaging property

Intense fear of gaining weight

Long-lasting negative mood, often along with poor appetite and thoughts of death

Frequent outbursts of anger

Mental Health Warnings Signs in Youth

• Excessive fear, worry, or anxiety

• Social withdrawal

• Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits

• Excessive fear, worry, or anxiety

• Social withdrawal

• Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits

Adult-Child Relationships are Key

Evidence confirms that adult-child relationships are the key

•Key component to preventing depression/suicide is positive social and emotional connections

between – Teens and supportive adults

– Teens and school– Teens and community

•If you have strong connections with adults, then peer connections are not as important (or

unnecessary)

•Teens with strong connections with adults, even if socially isolated from peers are still resistant to

depression/suicide

Keith, 2012

“Screen” Time2010 Kaiser Family Foundation Survey

U.S. children/teens

7 hours/day ”Entertainment screens"

Television, cell phones, hand-held games, iPads, Internet games, Facebook and video games

2 hours/dayViolent video games

Modern Technology………..may be harming our relationships

Deeper intimacy in relationships being replaced by superficial, weak connections

“I have 500 Facebook friends, but I can’t really talk to anyone”“Facebook depression”

Facebook cited by name in 1/3 of divorce filings (UK study, 2011)

Resiliency

Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the

ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate

emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after a misfortune, blessed with such an outlook, resilient people are

able to change course and soldier on.

Cultivate ResiliencyI Have:

strong relationships, rules at home, role models; these are external supports that are

provided;I Am:

a person who has hope and faith, cares about others, is proud of myself; these are inner

strengths that can be developed;I Can:

communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good

relationships

Psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D

Fail often! Learn Well!

"It's interesting how many people are coming up to me and talking about their relationship with failure," he says. "Everyone thinks they're a failure. The only people who don't are the ones who really are." Bruce Grierson, May 2009

Eight Ways to Fail Better1. Lighten up2. Join the club3. Cultivate optimism4. Ask not what the World can do for you…5. Scale down your expectations of yourself6. Keep a journal7. 7. Stop blaming yourself8. 8. Act!

Life is Multi-DimensionalFour basic dimension to life:

• Achievement

• Community

• Spirituality

• Legacy

Dr. Robert Emmons, University of California psychologist

Dandelions vs. Orchids…

•Most children/youth are

dandelions•Needs are low enough that they can take root and

survive almost anywhere, even when conditions

not optimal

• Some children are orchids

• Fragile, special/high needs, needing special care

• But capable of blooming

spectacularly (even better than

dandelions) when conditions are optimal

Ellis, 2010

Empathy, Validation / acceptance

Understanding

Dan Siegel, 2011; Daniel Hughes, 2011; Gordon Neufeld, 2005

Modeling Good Behaviour

Empathy

A. “I can see that you’re feeling really sad about this…” (giving supportive hug)

B. “You’re feeling sad about that? Come on, there’s a lot worse things than that… You’ll get over it…”

C. “I can’t believe you are freaking out about that. Let me tell you about some REAL problems. Well, in my day….”

EmpathyA. “I can see that you’re feeling really sad

about this…” (giving supportive hug)

B. “You’re feeling sad about that? Come on, there’s a lot worse things than that… You’ll get over it…”

C. “I can’t believe you are freaking out about that. Let me tell you about some REAL problems. Well, in my day….”

Validation / Acceptance

A. “I don’t have time for this right now.” (rolling eyes)

B. “Are you crazy? You can’t even get yourself to school on time!”

C. “Interesting! Tell me more about your idea.”

Validation / Acceptance

A. I don’t have time for this

B. Are you crazy? You can’t even get yourself to school on time!“

C. Interesting! Tell me more about your idea.

Soothing /Understanding

A. “I know how you feel.”

B. “I can see you are really upset by this. I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

C. “Seems to me you are likely causing your own problems with your postings.”

Soothing / Understanding

A. “I know how you feel.”

B. “I can see you are really upset by this. I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

C. “Seems to me you are likely causing your own problems with your postings.”

The Resilient Advocate

I may be pushing your buttons, but I didn’t put

them there!

• Connection before Correction• Find things in common • Show loyalty – be present when you

are hanging talking with them. Give them your attention.

• Praise a child’s effort rather than outcome

• Makes plans to re-connect in the future

• Pay attention to teachable moments

Suggestions for Healthy Interactions

The Resilient Advocate

DEFINITIONS:

•Resilient: (of a person) recovering easily and quickly from shock, illness, hardship, etc; irrepressible

•Advocate: one that supports or promotes the interests of another

• Resilient Advocate: one who can support the interest of another without losing themselves in the process

The Resilient AdvocateAdvocacy Challenges

• Support vs Enablement (positive & negative connotations)

• Respecting independence and timelines – it is THEIR journey

• Lack of engagement with service providers (legality & confidentiality)

• Family dynamics

• Fatigue and Burn Out

Effective Advocacy

Educate YourselfHelp to find and gain access to servicesHelp with Appointment SchedulesKeep a journal Provide input to professionalsConfidentiality is an issue - a legal issueIf your family member wants your involvement they can request it Can always provide one way input

Caregiver StrainHow do we recognize caregiver strain?

Awareness of:•Our habits•Our sleeping patterns•Eating changes•Avoidance of social interactions•Lack of participation & enjoyment in activities

Caregiver StrainHOW TO ADDRESS CAREGIVER STRAIN:

Seek professional help – family doctor, counselor, etc.

Talk to someone you trust

Allow sadness but don’t get stuck there

Feelings of guilt are not helpful

Take time away from the caregiver role

Engage in activities that bring you comfort & joy

Allow yourself to be human!

How Can the Community Help?

• Compassionate

• Knowledgeable

• Non-judgemental

• Accommodating

The Resilient Advocate Toolkit • Calm and reasonable

• Respectful approach

• Tenacity

• Knowledge

• Shift expectations

• Journal

• Connections

• Support

• Wellness

• Sense of Humour

• Carpe Diem

The Resilient AdvocateAs an individual: • Make yourself a priority

• Avoid feeling guilty

• Keep connected

• Tune into your feelings & be honest

• Identify what you really want to do

• Plan a timeout when stress hits

• Buddy up

• Laugh a lot

De-stigmatize Mental Health• Talk openly

• Be aware of the types of comments & judgements you make about others that are struggling

• Let your kids know that you want to hear if they are having trouble

• Reach out to others that are struggling

Maya Angelou

“I can be changed by what happens to me.

But I refuse to be reduced by it.”