Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution: Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High GVSU PACES Program.

Crucial Conversations & Conflict Resolution:

Tips for Talking When the Stakes are High

GVSU PACES ProgramGVSU PACES Program

Overview

1. What is a crucial conversation?

2. Your style under stress

3. Overcoming conversation barriers

4. Managing intercultural conflict

5. Dialogue skills

Crucial ConversationsPatterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler(2002)What is it?Three characteristics

Difference of opinion The stakes are HIGH Emotions are strong

Casual conversations can become CRUCIAL When emotions intensify Everyday workplace conversations can become crucial Personnel reviews can become crucial conversations

Crucial ConversationsEnding a relationshipAsking a friend to repay a loanResolving child custody issues with an ex-spouse/partnerAsking a roommate to move out Asking in-laws or parents to quit interferingGiving your boss feedback about their behaviorCritiquing a colleague’s work (Patterson, et al. 2002, p. 8)

Some Examples

Awkward Performance Review:

http://www.overstream.net/view.php?oid=uhnjsteuihep

Crucial Conversations

“Your Style Under Stress”

The Context

The human brain under stress – “Fight or Flight”

Personal Tendency - “Silence or Violence”ExamplesIs our style context dependent?

Overcoming Conversation Barriers

What happens to relationships over time if we avoid resolving our conflicts – avoid having crucial conversations?

DO EMOTIONS ACCUMULATE?

DOES STRESS ACCUMULATE?

Cycle of Contempt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjVQfeavgzU

“CONTEMPT” - Silent

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl6yOIxYpLk&feature=related

“CONTEMPT”- Violent

Cycles of Respect

In Every Conversation The Goal is…. DIALOGUE

Me Others

Shared meaning

Safety

Safety

A “Crucial” Conversation

WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO FEEL “UNSAFE”?

Lack of Mutual PurposeThey are unclear about or mistrust your

motives, or see your goal and theirs as mutually exclusive.

Lack of Mutual RespectThey don’t feel respected or valued by you.

Intercultural Conflict

What are the sources of intercultural conflict?

What assumptions, biases and goals drive intercultural conflict?

How can you manage intercultural conflict?

Some application…

Intercultural Conflict

Okay…but what about culture?What if the differences are cultural?What is a “dominant culture”?

Cultural Values Exercise

FEEDBACK

Verbal

Non-verbal

SenderReceiver

MESSAGE

The Ideal Communication Process

STATIC

Non-verbal behaviors

False attributions

Stereotypes

Ethnocentrism

Native language and verbal acuity

Sender

Cultural Frame

Cultural Frame

Cultural Frame

Cultural Frame

Receiver

The Realistic Communication Process

How to Restore Safety

When safety is at risk…

1. Recognize what’s going on and why.

2. Step out of the content temporarily.

3. Build safety.

4. Get back into dialogue.

Three Techniques for Rebuilding Safety1. If you’re at fault, apologize.

2. When your intentions have been misunderstood, contrast.

3. When you have conflicting goals, find a mutual purpose. (Explore the purpose beneath the stated goal)

Stated goal (position)

Purpose (why they want what they want)

When in Dialogue….Be specific about what happened. Avoid watering down the facts.

Be honest and respectful.

Discuss what’s recent and relevant.

Watch for signals that the other person feels unsafe, and take appropriate action.

Employ active listening skills.

Active Listening SkillsUse positive body language.

Minimize interruptions.

Ask probing questions.

Paraphrase to check understanding.

Respond to both content and emotion.

Dialogue Skills

1. Start with the Heart

2. Learn to Look

3. Make it Safe

4. Master My Stories

5. State My Path

6. Explore Other’s Paths

7. Move to Action

Dialogue Skills

Move to Action Build consensus Recognize when the conversation is

recycling Shift the conversation to “what next”

or “how can we?”

Conclusion

Q/A

Evaluation

ReferencesDe Lucia, R. J. (2008). Managing intercultural conflict. University of Pennsylvania.

Landis, D. Bennett, J. M., & Bennett, M. J. (2004). The handbook of intercultural training (3rd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

Landis, D. & Bhaghat, R. S. (1996). The handbook of intercultural training (2nd Ed.) Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. & Switler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tips for talking when stakes are high. New York: McGraw-Hill

Thank you!

FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT

Sean HuddlestonGrand Valley State UniversityIntercultural Training Director222 Student Services BuildingAllendale, MI 49401(616) 331-3296huddless@gvsu.edu

OR VISIT

www.gvsu.edu/inclusion